Original subtitles

(reel clicking) �(grunts)

(reel clicking) �(grunts)

(quirky electronic music)

♪ ♪

(door opens)

Hey, Karan. Thanks for coming in.

Hi.

You have any questions about the script at all?

Uh, no. I think I'm good.

Okay, uh, well, sorry about this

but we don't have a reader for you today, so...

Oh, that's okay. So I'll just read with you?

CASTING DIRECTOR: No, I have to operate the camera.

This schlocky show didn't give me an assistant,

so don't worry about it.

I rigged something up.

Oh, uh, you rigged�� What is��

CASTING DIRECTOR: All right, slate whenever you're ready.

Oh, uh, yeah, okay, sure.

Um, hi.

I'm Karan Soni. I'm 5'9".

I'm reading for a Donny Brockman

in Arthur's Disaster Day.

Arthur, hurry.

Something went wrong with the printing machine.

CASTING DIRECTOR: Alexa, play track one.

ALEXA: Now playing track one.

CASTING DIRECTOR: What happened?

You must've switched the yearbook pages in your diary,

�which means�� �Alexa, play track two.

ALEXA: Now playing track two.

CASTING DIRECTOR: What does that mean?

Let me try it again. (inhales deeply)

What does that mean?

You published your diary, and now��

CASTING DIRECTOR: And one more.

�What does that mean? �You published your diary

and handed it to the entire school.

And Heather's reading it right now.

CASTING DIRECTOR: Alexa, play track three.

ALEXA: Now playing "Back to Me" by Carly Bubbles.

�God�� �♪ I get it's complicated ♪

�CASTING DIRECTOR: Alexa. �♪ Forever don't exist ♪

CASTING DIRECTOR: Alexa.

Alexa, play track three.

ALEXA: Now playing track three.

CASTING DIRECTOR: I'm having a disaster of a day.

You said it.

CASTING DIRECTOR: Okay, Karan, that was great.

Karen? Is it��

It's the word "car" and the word "in."

CASTING DIRECTOR: It doesn't matter.

ALEXA: Reminder��

Krispy Kreme doughnuts are fresh for another 15 minutes.

Oh, fuck. 15 minutes.

Yeah, that's a good��

Oh.

�Hey, Karan. �Oh, hey.

KARAN: Uh, can I get this��

CASTING DIRECTOR: No, we don't validate.

(energetic jazz music)

♪ ♪

(laughter)

�MAN: You stupid idiot. �MAN 2: Okay.

Hey, stop! Come on, cut it out.

�(laughing) �Come on, cut it��

Kenneth, will you cut it out? Cut it out, mate!

Serious. Dr. Evelyn's waiting.

�(chuckles) �(grunts)

(groans)

Okay. Sorry, Dr. Evelyn.

Kenny's being a child. What do we have today?

Oh! God!

Cruise, mate. Are you joking? You've broken it, you idiot.

KENNETH: Oh, God.

Can you push my nuts down from my neck?

Oh, yeah, can you un�break my nose, shithead?

(laughs)

Okay, what do we have today, Dr. Evelyn?

Good morning, gentlemen.

�Good morning. �Good morning.

This is the oceanic whitetip shark.

God, it's a nasty�looking bugger.

DR. EVELYN: The oceanic whitetip

is actually considered by some

to be the most dangerous open�water shark in existence.

Whereas most shark attacks occur due to mistaken identity,

the oceanic whitetip is theorized to be a man�eater.

Jesus Christ.

It's believed that they feast on shipwrecks,

where they hunt in packs.

Jacques Cousteau considered it to be

the most dangerous creature in the ocean.

To quote him...

(speaks French poorly)

Or roughly translated,

"Whitetips don't sense blood in the water.

They sense fear."

Okay, so are you telling me

that these creatures

are surreptitiously hunting defenseless men?

Well, I suppose if you want

to buy into the mythology of it all, then��

You have got to have a screw loosened in your head.

I mean, literally, you've got to be an insane person

if you don't think these sharks deserve

to get hoisted up on this deck

and just dominated in their greasy vents.

Because this is about respect.

This is about showing these bastards

that when human beings get shipwrecked,

you're not gonna come and eat us.

We're gonna be there to get you!

�Um... �(pounds table) Hell, yeah!

�Kenneth. �Yeah.

Let's go fuck that��

�Nut shot! �(groaning)

BRADEN: Get out, get out. Lock the door, lock the door.

He's gonna come.

MALE ANNOUNCER: Since the dawn of time,

sharks have ruled the seas.

Now two men

will fight to take their kingdom...

by force.

(dramatic music)

I mean, I would go to the ends of the Earth if I had to.

These pieces of shit

have been picking off human beings stuck out at sea

for centuries.

(chuckles) Well, the tables are gonna turn.

Believe you me, mate. Believe you me, mate.

Well, one of the difficulties

in going after the oceanic whitetip

is that, traditionally, they're found in deep, open water,

so we're gonna have to be way out there today.

♪ ♪

(rattling)

(wind howling)

♪ ♪

(sparse guitar music)

♪ ♪

(singing in Japanese)

(all singing in Japanese)

♪ ♪

(spacey electronic music)

(spacey electronic music)

(gunshots)

(gunshot)

(rapid gunfire)

(tense music)

♪ ♪

(gunshot)

(energetic music)

♪ ♪

We're getting close, mate. I can smell it.

There's not a soul in sight.

If I were a sneaky, cowardly piece of shit,

where would I hide?

I don't know. Let's find out, eh?

Hey, Tim, where would you hide?

(laughter)

He's a piece of shit.

(laughing)

He's so stupid. He's such an idiot.

Hey, man, hey. Don't talk about Tim that way.

�Come on. �Fuck off, mate.

I'm rigging this for $5 an hour.

(laughter)

I literally had no clue he was making $5 an hour.

Five bucks?

Who does all your negotiations, mate?

Ah, sorry, mate.

Hey, we're gonna give you a raise.

$5.50.

�(laughter) �Stupid dickheads.

BRADEN: Oh, my God.

(dramatic music)

♪ ♪

�Hey. �Hey.

What are you doing?

Just thinking we've been going for a while.

I haven't seen land in days.

Yeah, this is really the middle of nowhere.

Do you think that we could be the first people

to ever be in this, like, exact spot on Earth?

(chuckles) I don't know.

We could be.

♪ ♪

It's pretty cool.

Yeah, it's kind of beautiful.

Humbling.

(grunting aggressively)

BRADEN: I mean, we've been doing a lot of training.

I've been practicing my fuck thrusts quite a bit.

I mean, if these tippers travel in packs,

we could be talking

about having to dominate a half dozen sharks.

(grunting aggressively)

And I�I studied martial arts.

I studied the Japanese defensive martial art, aikido,

so that when a shark comes at me, I can grab it and go...

no.

Grab it, no.

You've got to be prepared. It's not a game.

Thanks, mate.

(anchor winch clanking)

KITTY: So, apparently, Braden's plan

is to try and fool the sharks

into thinking that we've been shipwrecked

by putting us in the water in these life vests,

um, which is, you know, obviously

so smart.

Uh, but to be honest, I'm just, like, a little bit nervous,

um, because, um,

I'm not a great swimmer

and��and we're also kind of being used as the bait.

(chuckles) Um...

But, you know, they're pros.

BRADEN: I mean, it's a genius plan.

And think about it�� it's a classic bait and switch.

Every other time they've seen a human being in the water

wearing one of these life vests,

they've gone, "Hey, everyone, time for the dinner party.

Time to go viciously tear these humans apart."

Oh, it'll be a party, all right.

A fuck party.

(laughter)

It's true, and they're the guests of honor.

(sparse guitar music)

♪ ♪

(suspenseful music)

♪ ♪

(rhythmic electronic music)

♪ ♪

(muffled rhythmic electronic music)

♪ ♪

(spacey electronic music)

(spacey electronic music)

♪ ♪

OFFICER: Okay, can we get you anything else?

Tea, water, anything like that?

All right.

So we have a lot of ground to cover.

Um, when you're ready,

I guess, uh, can we start from the beginning?

Well, it was really no different

than any other day, I guess.

(thunder rumbles)

(suspenseful music)

PARK RANGER: Around in the 1870s,

explorers found perfect arrowhead specimens.

And get those cameras ready, folks,

because Bill Jenkins famously saw Bigfoot

wandering on the Wauhatchie Trail

and snapped one of the most infamous photos ever taken.

You'll also notice on the trail that...

�(continues indistinctly) �(engine rumbling)

(singing to himself)

(engine stops, truck door opens)

Hey, Fiona.

Hank.

One of those coffees for me?

Oh, Hank, I'm sorry.

I didn't know you were gonna be in today.

(chuckles) I'm just leaving.

Had to grab something real quick.

Trying to beat this storm before it gets too bad.

♪ And the peaches fall from the lovely tree ♪

(thunder rumbling)

Oh, boy. Look at that.

I swear these traps never work.

Why don't they just buy us new ones?

(door creaks)

(groans) Please don't get up. I'm fine.

�Finally. �Oh, thank you so much.

They're all chais. I'm sorry. They're all chais.

Well, if it's a chai latte, then, honey, count me in.

(chuckles)

(sighs) How was it?

I wish I could've gone out, gotten the coffees myself.

It was amazing.

It was such a��I went to this sweet little place,

the Tiny Bean.

�Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. �Yeah, yeah.

They're really, really sweet.

Just down�country�home honky�tonk folks.

(laughter)

Congratulations, Fiona. One year, wow.

Can't believe you stuck with us for this long.

Oh. Thanks, Frank.

Well, you all aren't so bad.

(radio tuning)

ANNOUNCER: This is a severe thunderstorm warning

for the following counties�� Foster, Cumberland, and York.

Hmm.

Uh, you guys, either of you have any idea

how bad these storms are gonna hit us?

It's supposed to move through pretty quickly.

Shouldn't be a big deal.

Okay, well, I'm gonna�� just to be safe��

call the team at the tower.

Maybe they should hang with us until it blows over.

(flapping and rattling)

(telephone ringing, thunder rumbles)

(laughter)

Oh, it's funny.

This is Nev, over.

(sobs and sniffles)

(exhales deeply)

It's fine. I'm��I'm fine.

So, anyways, I wanted to just��

I just wanted to check in on them.

FIONA: Nev, how are you guys doing with the storm?

(chuckles)

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about us, okay?

If it gets too bad, we'll just wait it out in the bunker.

Over.

Um, okay. Sounds good.

Just let me know.

Uh�huh.

(thunder rumbles)

Mm, yeah.

Hey, Phil, didn't we post signs for no hiking today?

Yeah, why?

Yeah, there's a guy.

Okay, yeah, that's creepy.

Uh, what's going on over there? Something about a guy?

Are you okay?

Yep, I think so.

Let me go check this out. I'll call you back in a second.

(ominous music)

♪ ♪

Well, I'm already hungry. You ready for some lunch?

Ted, it's 9:00 a. m.

Okay, so breakfast. Jeez.

Hmm, Nev should've called back by now.

(thunder booms, all shout)

�(walkie�talkie beeps) �Nev, are you okay?

(static crackles)

Nev, uh, what's going on over there?

Okay, Fiona.

If it'll make you feel better,

let's just go check up on 'em, okay?

At that point, I�I knew something was wrong.

So we decided to head west in the pickup

with supplies and a generator.

I assumed they were out of power.

♪ ♪

(all scream, tires screech)

♪ ♪

FIONA: It was unreal.

In all my time as a ranger,

I've never seen something so strange.

♪ ♪

(cawing)

♪ ♪

I don't feel great about this.

I can't keep going. I'm so sorry.

It's fine. We'll hike the rest of the way.

It's only gonna be an hour.

FIONA: So Frank headed back to the station,

and Ted and I went on ahead.

♪ ♪

(thunder rumbles)

♪ ♪

�Ned! �Cindy!

You guys there?

♪ ♪

Cindy!

♪ ♪

FIONA: (screaming)

(scream echoing)

(spacey electronic music)

(spacey electronic music)

(thuds)

(birds singing)

(running footsteps approaching)

(birds singing)

(cologne bottle squirting)

So is there a reason for your outfit today?

Oh, you're gonna love this.

I got a date.

�Oh. �Yeah.

With a girl I met online.

�Oh. �Yeah, long story short��

I've been catfishing this idiot for two years now, so...

(chuckles) I guess we're gonna finally meet after the session.

(laughs wheezily)

Yeah.

Check it out.

Here's who she thinks she's been talking to.

Oh, okay. So you've been lying to her?

Yeah.

And why are you telling her the truth now?

Well, she got all testy recently

and said that she refused to talk to me

unless I, uh, met her in person.

So here we go.

So I take it that she thinks you're a��

Yeah. Black ops.

Mm�hmm, and you��

you were talking to this person for how long?

�Two years. �Two years, wow.

�How often? �Every night.

Every single night.

Oh, every night. Wow.

So wouldn't it be safe to say

that even if this started out as a prank

that your feelings became real?

Well, yeah.

You know, we ended up telling each other

some, like, pretty... some pretty personal things.

�Some truths. �Mm�hmm.

Except I did lie about my dad.

I said that he was a doctor, because I had this picture.

Oh.

Yeah, it seems like they did

some kind of photo shoot together.

There's a whole list of 'em.

�I said I was a sniper also. �Mm�hmm.

I said I lost my leg.

�Oh. �Yeah.

I said I had my leg�� my leg blown off.

In the chair there.

Anyway, I thought maybe if we meet in a dark restaurant

and she thinks maybe I have burns from the war...

You'd think that she wouldn't talk to you

if she actually knew what you looked like?

No, no. She's��she's beautiful.

She's there, if you keep swiping.

Yeah, she's a very attractive girl.

(clears throat)

She's a ten.

Anyway, I just hope she doesn't get too hurt,

you know, when she sees me.

(bell ringing)

Oh, shit. It's the time.

Yeah��oh, yeah. Yeah, it's time.

�There you go. �Thank you.

Oh, here she is.

�Olga. �(sighs)

(grunts) Thank you.

Wish me luck.

(grunts)

Good luck.

Sorry, what are we supposed to be doing?

Just sit tight. They're coming.

Right, that's exactly why I'm concerned.

We're out here in the open. We're pretty easy to attack.

Yeah, that's why I have a net, Tim.

Okay? Don't worry.

As soon as they get close, I'll trap 'em with the net.

Well, if they get close,

won't I get caught in the net, too?

No, mate, not if you swim away in the nick of time.

Don't they hunt in packs, though?

(scoffs) Kitty, that's why Kenneth has a knife.

Okay, guys, please don't overthink this, okay?

Kenneth is gonna be knifing any strays coming at you

while I net the one in close.

Now please pay attention.

They're extremely fast and viciously sneaky.

A lot of my colleagues are calling into question

the nature of this expedition.

BRADEN: You guys are doing a great job.

But the scientific community is nothing without explorers.

And that's what Braden and Kenneth are doing.

They're exploring.

BRADEN: A few more hours, and we're done.

You know, it's only when the unthinkable is achieved

that we can actually begin

to understand its place in the universe.

And Braden and Kenneth

are certainly doing some unthinkable things.

TIM: Oh, my Christ, he's jerking off!

KENNETH: Aren't they attracted to it?

BRADEN: No, you're thinking of blood, mate.

KENNETH: Ahh.

(crunches loudly)

Mmm.

Lovely jam.

So today was a bit of a bust.

Doesn't seem like we're in the right waters,

but we'll re�chart our course

and see if we can't track down the scoundrels.

We will. We'll find them.

DR. EVELYN: Have you got a seven?

(exhales sharply) No, I don't.

Sorry.

�Well, what's that? �What are you doing?

You're cheating. You're looking at my cards.

�That's checkmate. �You can't��you can't cheat.

(mechanical grinding)

�What was that? �I don't know.

(metallic screeching)

Whatever it is, it doesn't sound very good.

Breaker, breaker,

this is Big Hammer to Little Hammer, come in.

You got ears on?

(static crackles)

Big Hammer to Little Hammer, what's your 20?

(static crackles)

Kenneth, come in mate.

Kenny.

Ken.

Ah, God damn it.

Let me check on him.

Kenneth! Kenny!

Kenneth, mate!

Oi!

�Have you seen him? �I haven't, no.

�No. �No.

Kenneth!

Hey!

Hey, Kenneth!

Kenneth!

Yeah? I'm down here.

Oh, Christ.

You scared the shit out of me, mate.

Did you hear the sound?

Yeah, I was working on the engine.

We lost steerage.

Oh, shit. What happened?

I don't know.

Everything seems fine down here.

So it's probably something under the boat.

I'm thinking that some kelp jibbered the rudder.

What happened?

We got kelp jibbering the rudder,

so Kenneth's got to go under the boat.

Now? It's dark.

I'm the one to fear at night, Timmy boy.

(dramatic music)

♪ ♪

How long has he been down there?

I don't know. I reckon about 15 minutes.

♪ ♪

I'm going in.

Braden, what if the whitetips got him?

I'm not worried that the whitetips got him, Tim.

I'm worried he's started the fuck party without me.

Kitty, get my belt.

Braden, there could be a whole school of them down there.

Good, Tim. (chuckles) Good.

Because class is about to start,

and it's sexual education,

and I'm the teacher, and my name is Ed��

Sexual Ed.

Well, whatever, Ed. It's your funeral.

(grunting aggressively)

♪ ♪

(continues grunting)

Don't wait up.

Kenneth!

(gasps)

What happened, mate?

We got a problem.

Something bit through the rudder.

We're stranded.

�Shit, shit, shit! �Oh, my God.

I knew this would happen!

You brought us all the way out here.

I brought us out here?

Like this is my fault, dickhead?

How is it not your fault? You're the reason we're here.

�No, you are. �What?

No, you've been nothing but mean to us

the whole time, dickhead.

�You're nuts! �Oh, come off it, mate.

�You're the dickhead. �Oh, I'm a dickhead?

(all shouting)

You brought us out here!

BRADEN: No, you're always ganging up on us, mate.

Just calm down, everyone!

Let's not get hysterical.

How can you say that? We're stuck out here all alone.

(ominous music)

♪ ♪

We're not alone.

�(clear music) �CHORUS: ♪ Yes ♪