Original subtitles

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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"

I'M JOHN OLIVER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

US!

IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK!

THE UN GENERAL ASSEMBLY TOOK

PLACE.

THE LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR OF NEW

JERSEY RESIGNED AMID SCANDAL.

AND IN THE SENATE, TOMMY

TUBERVILLE SPOKE ABOUT WHAT HE

CONSIDERS A GRAVE THREAT TO

AMERICANS.

>> MANY AIRLINE PILOTS, FLIGHT

ATTENDANTS, AND AIR TRAFFIC

CONTROLLERS ARE PART OF THE

FURRY COMMUNITY.

WHEN YOU WALK ONTO A COMMERCIAL

FLIGHT, IT'S POSSIBLE THAT THE

PILOT FLYING YOUR PLANE COULD

HAVE A DERANGED FETISH OF

DRESSING UP LIKE AN ANIMAL.

YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS UP.

>> John: I THINK YOU JUST DID!

BECAUSE FIRST, I DON'T BELIEVE

THERE'S AN EPIDEMIC OF FURRIES

WORKING AS AIRLINE PERSONNEL,

AND FRANKLY, IF THERE WERE,

TUBERVILLE WOULDN'T BE THE ONE

TO BREAK THAT NEWS-- I THINK WE

ALL KNOW, THIS GUY WOULD.

BUT ALSO, WHO GIVES A SHIT?

THERE IS A WAR GOING ON RIGHT

NOW!

THIS IS NOT A REAL PROBLEM!

UNTIL A PLANE CRASHES AND THE

CAUSE TURNS OUT TO BE "PILOT WAS

WATCHING MR. TUMNUS FAN CAMS ON

MUTE WITH HIS HAND DOWN HIS

PANTS," I THINK WE CAN PUT THIS

ONE ON THE BACK BURNER.

MEANWHILE, MIDTERM ELECTIONS ARE

APPROACHING, AND SEVERAL POLLS

HAVE DEMOCRATS WITH A

DOUBLE-DIGIT LEAD ON THE GENERIC

BALLOT.

ONE RACE SURPRISINGLY IN PLAY IS

THE ONE FOR SENATE IN TEXAS,

WHERE REPUBLICAN KEN PAXTON-- A

MAN WHO BEARS A STRIKING

RESEMBLANCE TO A RAW

MR. POTATO HEAD-- IS TRAILING

IN THE POLLS AGAINST DEMOCRAT

JAMES TALARICO-- OR, AS TRUMP

REFERS TO HIM.

>> TALAFREAKO.

>> John: YEAH, I GET IT.

I MEAN, WHAT CAN YOU EVEN SAY?

EVEN A ROTTING FRUIT'S STILL GOT

SOME JUICE.

TALARICO LEADING IN THE POLLS IS

CLEARLY A BIG DEAL-- ESPECIALLY

SINCE PAXTON HAS TRUMP'S

ENDORSEMENT.

ALTHOUGH IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY TO

TELL THAT, GIVEN HOW TRUMP TENDS

TO TALK ABOUT HIM.

>> Y'KNOW, WE HAVE A GUY NAMED

KEN PAXTON.

AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE

WAY HE DRESSES OR SOME PEOPLE

DON'T LIKE THE WAY HE INTERVIEWS

OR TALKS.

HE MAY NOT DRESS RIGHT, HE MAY

NOT TALK EXACTLY PERFECTLY, AND

HE MAY NOT BE THE BEST LOOKING

GUY I'VE EVER SEEN.

SO KEN PAXTON, YOU MIGHT NOT

LIKE THE WAY HE DRESSES, AND I

SAY THIS-- IT'S SO INSULTING TO

HIM, BUT I MIGHT AS WELL SAY IT.

YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE THE WAY HE

LOOKS.

YOU MIGHT NOT LOVE HIS LOOK.

YOU MIGHT NOT LOVE HIS

TELEVISION INTERVIEWS.

BUT HE WAS THE BEST ATTORNEY

GENERAL IN THE COUNTRY, PERHAPS,

HE WAS ONE OF THE BEST IN THE

ENTIRE COUNTRY, AND THAT SPEAKS

A LOT LOUDER THAN THE SUIT HE'S

WEARING THAT DOESN'T LOOK SO

GREAT.

>> John: OKAY, IT'S TOUGH TO

PICK A FAVORITE PART THERE, BUT

I THINK MINE'S THE SENTENCE

"IT'S SO INSULTING TO HIM, BUT I

MIGHT AS WELL SAY IT."

YEAH, YOU DEFINITELY MIGHT AS

WELL, GIVEN IT SEEMS YOU'VE

ALREADY SAID IT 400 DIFFERENT

TIMES.

BUT PAXTON'S SHITTY SUITS ARE

THE LEAST OF HIS PROBLEMS.

HE HAS A LOT OF BAGGAGE.

JUST LISTEN TO THIS ATTACK AD

THAT WAS RUN AGAINST HIM EARLIER

THIS YEAR.

>> CROOKED KEN PAXTON CHEATED ON

HIS WIFE.

SHE'S DIVORCING HIM ON BIBLICAL

GROUNDS.

SO NOW PAXTON'S WRECKING ANOTHER

HOME, SLEEPING AROUND WITH A

MARRIED MOTHER OF SEVEN.

AND REMEMBER THIS: CROOKED KEN

HAS INCREASED HIS NET WORTH BY

AS MUCH AS 7,000% SINCE TAKING

OFFICE.

NOW THINK OF THE PAXTON DIRTY

DEEDS WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT, YET.

THE WIFE CHEATER AND FRAUD, OR

THE TEXAS WORKHORSE?

>> John: YEAH, THAT AD WAS RUN

BY JOHN CORNYN-- "A FELLOW

REPUBLICAN"-- DURING THE

PRIMARY.

IT WAS CO-SPONSORED BY THE

SENATE REPUBLICAN CAMPAIGN

COMMITTEE.

AND WHILE IT'S PRETTY EFFECTIVE,

I WILL SAY-- I'VE NEVER WANTED

TO DO ANYTHING "LESS" THAN THINK

OF THE PAXTON DIRTY DEEDS WE

DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

YOU ALREADY JUST MADE ME PICTURE

THIS GUY HAVING SEX, I THINK

WE'RE GOOD.

THANKS.

THE POINT IS, TO SAY KEN

PAXTON'S UNPOPULAR WITHIN HIS

OWN PARTY IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE'S NOT

CONSERVATIVE ENOUGH.

HE SUED THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION

106 TIMES, TRIED TO CLASSIFY

GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE AS "CHILD

ABUSE," AND ON THE DAY

ROE V. WADE WAS OVERTURNED, HE

TWEETED "I'M CLOSING MY

OFFICE AND MAKING IT AN ANNUAL

HOLIDAY."

AND WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN CALL

THAT HOLIDAY, OTHER THAN-- I'VE

GOT IT-- "MANDATORY LABOR DAY?"

AND YET, MANY REPUBLICANS HATE

HIM.

JUST THIS WEEK, WE LEARNED

GEORGE W. BUSH WAS RAISING MONEY

FOR PROMINENT REPUBLICANS--

EXCEPT KEN PAXTON.

AND DURING THE REPUBLICAN

PRIMARY, THIS IS HOW SENATOR

THOM TILLIS DESCRIBED HIM.

>> AND TO CALL PAXTON "ETHICALLY

CHALLENGED" IS TO CALL JEFFREY

DAHMER SUFFERATING FROM AN

EATING DISORDER.

>> John: WOW!

THOSE ARE SOME STRIKING WORDS

FROM A MEMBER OF PAXTON'S OWN

PARTY, EVEN IF HE DID FUCK UP

HIS DAHMER JOKE BY SAYING

"SUFFERATING" INSTEAD OF

"SUFFERING."

IF YOU'RE COMING TO AN INTERVIEW

WITH A PREPARED JOKE, YOU CAN'T

BUNGLE IT ON THE DELIVER-ARY.

YOU JUST CAN'T DO IT.

BUT WHEN HE SAID "ETHICALLY

CHALLENGED" THERE, HE WASN'T

KIDDING.

PAXTON SPENT NEARLY NINE YEARS

UNDER INDICTMENT FOR SECURITIES

FRAUD, BEFORE THE CHARGES WERE

DROPPED IN A DEAL IN WHICH HE

PAID "NEARLY $300,000 IN

RESTITUTION...

TO HIS VICTIMS" AND AGREED TO

COMPLETE "100 HOURS OF COMMUNITY

SERVICE AND 15 HOURS OF LEGAL

ETHICS EDUCATION."

WHICH IS JUST AN AMAZING THING

FOR A STATE A-G TO HAVE TO DO.

NOT JUST THAT-- HE WAS ALSO

ACCUSED OF BRIBERY AND ABUSE OF

OFFICE BY EIGHT OF HIS OWN TOP

DEPUTIES.

AND WHILE HE WAS NEVER CHARGED

WITH A CRIME, HE WAS LATER

IMPEACHED BY THE

REPUBLICAN-CONTROLLED TEXAS

HOUSE.

NOW, THE SENATE THERE LATER

ACQUITTED HIM, BUT BY THEN,

PAXTON FIRED FOUR STAFFERS.

THEY HAD TO PAY OVER $6 MILLION

TO THOSE STAFFERS PAXTON HAD

FIRED.

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT, YOU

SHOULD KNOW: HE ONCE POSTED THIS

IMAGE ON 9/11 TO COMMEMORATE THE

DAY OF THE ATTACKS.

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

IT LOOKS LIKE A NORMAN ROCKWELL

PAINTING IF HE WAS KIND OF

ROOTING FOR THE PLANE.

AND AMONG MY MANY ISSUES WITH

THAT: RED SOLO CUPS?

AT 8:46AM?

SURE, THEY HAD A ROUGH DAY, BUT

NOT AT THAT POINT.

THAT POST IS AN INCREDIBLY BAD

LOOK FOR PAXTON, WHICH AS TRUMP

WILL HAPPILY TELL YOU, IS A VERY

HIGH BAR TO CLEAR.

BUT WAIT, BECAUSE I'M STILL NOT

DONE.

BECAUSE REPORTING RECENTLY

EMERGED ABOUT THE ACQUISITION OF

15 PROPERTIES, WORTH ABOUT

$9 MILLION, BY PAXTON AND TRUSTS

ASSOCIATED WITH HIM.

THAT LED TO CLAIMS HE'D OMITTED

RENTAL INCOME AND MORTGAGES FROM

FINANCIAL DISCLOSURES, OBSCURING

HIS WEALTH, AND THAT, INCREDIBLY

HE APPEARS TO HAVE USED AN

ADDRESS WHERE HE DID NOT LIVE

WHILE VOTING IN SIX ELECTIONS.

ALL OF WHICH TO THROW A BIT OF A

WRENCH INTO HIS EFFORTS TO

PRESENT HIMSELF AS A

LAW-AND-ORDER CANDIDATE AT

EVENTS LIKE THIS ONE.

>> THEY'VE MADE A LOT ABOUT THE

REPORTS THAT HAVE COME OUT, ONE

IN THE NEW YORK TIMES ABOUT YOU

ACQUIRING PROPERTIES WORTH--

>> JACK, CAN WE KEEP THIS TO LAW

ENFORCEMENT PLEASE?

>> WELL, I'M GIVING YOU THE

OPPORTUNITY TODAY TO ANSWER THE

QUESTIONS--

>> I'D LIKE THAT THOSE WHO ARE

HERE WITH THE SHERIFFS, I'D LIKE

TO KEEP IT TO LAW ENFORCEMENT SO

THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA ANSWER,

QUESTIONS ON LAW ENFORCEMENT.

>> DID YOU WANT TO GO?

>> WILL YOU ANSWER QUESTIONS

ABOUT WHY YOU VOTED IN COLLIN

COUNTY?

CLEAR THAT UP.

>> WE'RE JUST GOING TO DO

QUESTIONS ON LAW ENFORCEMENT

TODAY, BECAUSE WE'RE JOINED WITH

22 AMAZING LAW ENFORCEMENT

OFFICERS.

>> John: OKAY, BUT I FEEL LIKE

THAT QUESTION WAS ABOUT LAW

ENFORCEMENT.

IT WAS LITERALLY ABOUT THE

ENFORCEMENT OF LAWS THAT

KEN PAXTON MAY'VE BROKEN.

IT'S NOT LIKE THAT REPORTER

ASKED, "HEY, THIS IS FOR ANY OF

THOSE GUYS BEHIND KEN RIGHT NOW:

DID YOU CALL EACH OTHER THIS

MORNING TO DECIDE WHAT TO WEAR

OR WAS THIS ALL JUST A

COINCIDENCE?"

EVEN PAXTON'S PETTIEST SCANDALS

HAVE LONG HAUNTED HIM.

WE ACTUALLY SHOWED YOU THIS

ATTACK AD AGAINST HIM BACK IN

2018, BUT IT REALLY IS WORTH

SEEING AGAIN.

>> THIS IS THE COLLIN COUNTY

COURTHOUSE WHERE A DALLAS

ATTORNEY ACCIDENTALLY LEFT A

$1,000 PEN AT THE METAL

DETECTORS.

THIS IS KEN PAXTON THE INDICTED

TEXAS ATTORNEY GENERAL RUMMAGING

THROUGH THE METAL DETECTOR TRAYS

AND STEALING THAT $1,000 PEN.

AND THIS IS KEN PAXTON THE

INDICTED TEXAS ATTORNEY GENERAL

WALKING AWAY WITH A STOLEN PEN.

VOTE JUSTIN NELSON FOR TEXAS

ATTORNEY GENERAL.

HE WILL FIGHT ON BEHALF OF ALL

TEXANS AND HE WON'T STEAL YOUR

PEN.

>> John: YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY

DAMNING!

IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD WHEN

THERE'S SECURITY FOOTAGE OF YOU

ROOTING AROUND IN THE METAL

DETECTOR BINS LIKE A FUCKING

RACCOON IN THE DUMPSTER BEHIND

BUT THAT PEN STORY HASN'T GONE

AWAY, TO THE POINT THE TALARICO

CAMPAIGN ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT

BACK IN AN AD THIS YEAR, WITH AN

EXTRA LITTLE TWIST AT THE END.

>> AFTER THE POLICE GOT

INVOLVED, JOE GOT HIS PEN BACK.

HE COULD HAVE PRESSED CHARGES,

BUT HE DECIDED AGAINST IT.

BECAUSE JOE'S A NICE GUY.

HE'D NEVER TAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S

PEN.

BUT HE ALSO HASN'T FORGOTTEN WHO

TOOK HIS.

>> HI, I'M JOE JOPLIN AND I

ENDORSE JAMES TALARICO FOR THE

UNITED STATES SENATE.

>> VOTE FOR JAMES TALARICO.

HE WON'T STEAL YOUR PEN.

>> John: YEAH, THEY GOT THE

OWNER OF THE PEN TO ENDORSE

TALARICO!

AND FUN FACT: IN A RECENT

INTERVIEW, THAT GUY APPARENTLY

SAID THE FIRST TIME HE EVER SAW

THE VIDEO OF KEN PAXTON STEALING

HIS PEN WAS-- AND THIS IS TRUE

-- ON THIS SHOW!

WHICH IS PRETTY WILD, GIVEN I

DON'T USUALLY DELIVER PERSONAL

NEWS TO INDIVIDUAL VIEWERS.

THOUGH, WHILE I'M AT IT,

JACOB R. IN BETHESDA, MARYLAND:

DEBRA'S FILING FOR DIVORCE.

APPARENTLY, YOU CAN HAVE THE

DOG, SHE WON'T FIGHT YOU ON

THAT.

AND LOOK, I KNOW WE'VE BEEN HERE

BEFORE: AN ENERGIZING YOUNG

DEMOCRAT ATTEMPTS TO TOPPLE A

REPUBLICAN FOR SENATE AND TURN

TEXAS BLUE.

IT HAPPENED WITH COLIN ALLRED

TWO YEARS AGO, AND BETO O'ROURKE

IN 2018, BOTH OF WHOM ULTIMATELY

LOST TO TED CRUZ.

AND MAYBE PAXTON WILL COME OUT

ON TOP.

BUT I GOT TO SAY, IT'S GOING TO

BE TOUGH TO WIN THE PEOPLE OF

TEXAS OVER.

THE TIMES ACTUALLY HAD A PANEL

THIS WEEK OF TRUMP VOTERS WHO

WERE UNDECIDED IN THIS RACE, AND

WHEN THEY WERE ASKED TO DESCRIBE

PAXTON, THEIR ANSWERS WERE:

CROOK.

CRIMINAL, CROOK.

CROOKED.

BAD.

AMORAL.

DISGUSTING.

MORALLY CORRUPT.

DISGUSTING.

CORRUPT.

AND WOMANIZER, CROOK.

WITH THE KINDEST REVIEW HE GOT

BEING: CONTROVERSIAL.

THERE'S JUST SO MANY THINGS THAT

HE'S BEEN ACCUSED OF AND

ACQUITTED OF.

AND I TOOK A MORE NEUTRAL

APPROACH TO YOUR QUESTION.

SO CONTROVERSIAL, BUT MORE IN A

NEGATIVE WAY.

AND THEY'RE BY NO MEANS THE ONLY

TEXANS WHO ARE FEELING THAT WAY

-- TAKE THIS REPUBLICAN VOTER

WHO SPOKE TO PBS.

>> AS FAR AS PAXTON GOES, I WILL

MOST LIKELY NOT VOTE FOR PAXTON.

A LOT OF REPUBLICANS ARE JUST

NOT GOING TO VOTE FOR THAT SLOT.

HE'S SEEMING KIND OF DIRTY RIGHT

NOW, LIKE A CAREER POLITICIAN

THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE A USED

CAR SALESMAN.

>> John: OKAY, FIRST, THAT DOG

IS SIMPLY TOO BIG.

HE'S FLOOFY AND PERFECT, BUT TOO

BIG.

I DIDN'T KNOW DOGS CAME IN

DOUBLE XL SIZES.

HE HONESTLY LOOKS MORE LIKE A

MAN IN A DOG COSTUME, WHICH

ACTUALLY RAISES THE QUESTION,

WHICH AIRLINE DOES HE FLY FOR?

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, SHE IS

RIGHT ABOUT PAXTON.

HE'S BASICALLY A USED CAR

SALESMAN WHO'S TRYING TO SELL

THE STATE A DEFECTIVE PRODUCT.

AND FOR THE GOOD OF ALL

AMERICANS, I GUESS WE CAN ONLY

HOPE THAT WHEN TEXANS GO TO THE

POLLS IN NOVEMBER, THEY DON'T

FUCKING BUY IT.

AND NOW, THIS.

>> Announcer: AND NOW,

THE PEOPLE ON TV HAVING FUN WITH

FAT BEAR WEEK.

>> GET YOUR BRACKETS READY.

FAT BEAR WEEK IS BACK AND IT'S

BULKIER THAN EVER.

>> FAT BEAR WEEK.

THIS IS A CONTEST THAT HAPPENS

EVERY YEAR.

WE ARE JUST REPORTING THE NEWS.

>> FEEL SO BAD WHEN THEY CALL

THEM FAT BEAR.

>> I KNOW.

>> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

>> VOTING IS OPEN UNTIL NEXT

TUESDAY AND HONESTLY THIS IS THE

KIND OF ELECTION I CAN GET

EXCITED.

>> GET THE MIDTERMS.

>> I'M DISAPPOINTED THEY DON'T

HAVE REAL NAMES.

KIND OF FLIPPING THROUGH THEM.

LOOKED LIKE THEIR NAMES WERE

NUMBERS AND AS LONG AS WE ARE

INSULTING THEM BY CALLING THEM

ALL FAT.

I FEEL LIKE THEY AT LEAST

DESERVE THE DIGNITY OF HAVING

THE PROPER NAME AND NOT JUST A

NUMBER.

>> JOSEPH, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING

FOR IN FAT BEAR WEEK?

>> OVER ALL, THE SHAPE OF IT.

>> THE GIRTH OF IT?

>> YEAH.

JUST WHAT A FUNNY THING THAT WE

DO.

>> ARE YOU TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

A WAY HOW TO SEGUE INTO WEATHER

RIGHT NOW?

>> John: MOVING ON.

OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS

BRAZIL.

HOME TO THE AMAZON, SUGARLOAF

MOUNTAIN, AND THAT GIANT STATUE

OF JESUS DOING AN IMPRESSION OF

KATE WINSLET IN TITANIC.

YES, JESUS, YOU "ARE" FLYING!

NEXT SUNDAY, BRAZIL HAS A MAJOR

ELECTION, WHEN 160 MILLION

VOTERS WILL CAST THEIR BALLOTS

TO ELECT NOT JUST A PRESIDENT,

BUT STATE GOVERNORS, TWO-THIRDS

OF THE SENATE AND EVERY LAWMAKER

IN THE LOWER HOUSE.

AND AS YOU MAY RECALL FROM OUR

PAST COVERAGE OF BRAZILIAN

ELECTIONS, DOWNBALLOT CANDIDATES

THERE CAN BE VERY FUN, AS THEY

OFTEN GIVE THEMSELVES

EYE-CATCHING NICKNAMES.

THIS YEAR, THERE'S A CANDIDATE

CALLING HIMSELF "MICK JAGGER,"

WHICH MAKES SENSE BECAUSE HE

LOOKS LIKE THIS.

THERE'S ALSO ONE WHO GOES BY

"SHREK," BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE

THIS.

ONE WHO GOES BY "FRODO," BECAUSE

HE LOOKS LIKE THIS.

BUT IT'S NOT JUST LOWER-LEVEL

RACES WHERE THINGS GET WEIRD.

THERE ARE ALSO NOVELTY

CANDIDATES FOR BRAZIL'S

PRESIDENCY.

TAKE THIS GUY, A VETERINARIAN,

WHO'S PRODUCED AI SLOP ADS

SHOWING HIM RUNNING A RACE WITH

A DOG ON HIS BACK, SURROUNDED BY

CATS, AND PUSHING A STROLLER

JAM-PACKED WITH A WHOLE JELLICLE

BALL'S WORTH OF CATS, WHILE ALSO

WEARING A CAT-FILLED BABY BJORN.

BUT TO BE FAIR-- HE ALSO PUT

OUT A NON-AI-SLOP VIDEO IN WHICH

HE EXPLAINED ONE OF HIS BIG

CAMPAIGN PROMISES.

>> MY BOTOX, MY LIFE IS ABOUT

SUPPLYING BOTULINUM TOXIN FOR

LOW-INCOME WOMEN.

THINK OF A WOMAN YOU KNOW WHO'S

HAD A HARD LIFE WHO LOOKS TIRED

AND IS EVEN ASHAMED TO LOOK IN

THE MIRROR.

SELF-ESTEEM CANNOT BE A LUXURY

ITEM JUST FOR RICH PEOPLE.

IT CAN'T BE.

IT HAS TO BE ACCESSIBLE TO

EVERYONE.

TAG SOMEONE IN THE COMMENTS WHO

YOU THINK DESERVES THE MY BOTOX,

MY LIFE TREATMENT.

>> John: WOW.

"TAG A WOMAN IN THE COMMENTS WHO

COULD BENEFIT FROM SOME BOTOX

BECAUSE YOU THINK THEY LOOK

TIRED."

I LITERALLY DARE YOU TO DO THAT.

SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

YOU MAY REMEMBER, WE TALKED

ABOUT BRAZIL'S LAST BIG ELECTION

IN 2022.

BACK THEN, THE COUNTRY'S

THEN-PRESIDENT, THE FAR-RIGHT

ASSHOLE JAIR BOLSONARO WAS

RUNNING FOR RE-ELECTION.

HE'D LONG BEEN A NIGHTMARE OF A

HUMAN BEING, DOING THINGS LIKE

TELLING A FEMALE LAWMAKER, "I

WOULD NEVER RAPE YOU BECAUSE YOU

DON'T DESERVE IT."

AND AS PRESIDENT, DID MANY

TERRIBLE THINGS, NOT LIMITED TO

OVERSEEING RECORD DESTRUCTION IN

THE AMAZON.

NOW, THANKFULLY, HE LOST THAT

ELECTION TO LUIZ INÁCIO LULA DA

SILVA, KNOWN AS "LULA," WHO'D

ALREADY SERVED TWO TERMS AS

PRESIDENT BEFORE.

AND WHILE LULA'S RUNNING AGAIN

THIS YEAR, JAIR BOLSONARO IS

ACTUALLY BANNED FROM DOING THAT,

FOR REASONS WE'LL GET INTO.

UNFORTUNATELY, THOUGH, HIS

ELDEST SON FLAVIO, IS RUNNING IN

HIS PLACE INSTEAD.

AND AS YOU CAN SEE, FLAVIO LOOKS

A LOT LIKE HIS FATHER-- IF THAT

IS, HIS FATHER GOT SOME OF THAT

VETERINARIAN'S FREE BOTOX.

AND AT TIMES, HE'S GONE OUT OF

HIS WAY TO EMPHASIZE THEIR

SIMILARITIES.

>> I MAY BE CALMER, SMILE MORE,

AND APPEAR MORE PEACEFUL AND

MODERATE, BUT RIGHT HERE RUNS

BOLSONARO BLOOD.

>> John: WELL, THAT'S THE

OPPOSITE OF REASSURING.

"I KNOW I MIGHT SOMETIMES

"APPEAR" NICE AND NORMAL, BUT

DON'T WORRY, EVERYONE-- I STILL

HAVE THE BLOOD OF AN UNHINGED

LUNATIC RUNNING THROUGH MY

VEINS!

VOTE FOR FLAVIO!

I HAVE ALL THE BOLSONARO FLUIDS

IN HERE!"

THE POINT IS, YET AGAIN, BRAZIL

FINDS ITSELF HAVING TO CHOOSE

BETWEEN LULA AND A GUY NAMED

BOLSONARO FOR PRESIDENT.

AND MANY DON'T SEEM THRILLED

THAT THOSE ARE THEIR MAIN

CHOICES.

>> WHO'S WINNING THE ELECTIONS

THIS YEAR?

>> I HOPE NEITHER OF THOSE TWO.

>> FLAVIO BOLSONARO OR LULA FOR

PRESIDENT?

>> NEITHER, BUDDY.

>> I'M NOT VOTING FOR ANYONE.

NOTHING CHANGES.

ONLY THE FLIES CHANGE, THE FILTH

STAYS THE SAME.

>> LULA OR FLAVIO BOLSONARO?

>> NEITHER.

I'D RATHER TAKE A BULLET TO THE

HEAD.

>> John: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

I KNOW YOU HATE BOTH CANDIDATES,

BUT YOUR THIRD OPTION SHOULDN'T

BE TAKING A BULLET TO THE HEAD.

IF WE'VE LEARNED ANYTHING FROM

U.S. ELECTIONS, AND WE HAVEN'T,

IT'S THAT YOUR OPTIONS ARE: TWO

CANDIDATES YOU DISLIKE, THEN

JILL STEIN, THEN BULLET TO THE

HEAD.

THE POINT IS, TO THE EXTENT

THERE ARE STRONG FEELINGS AROUND

THIS ELECTION, THEY'RE MAINLY

NEGATIVE ONES, AS AROUND HALF OF

BRAZILIANS SAY THEY'D NEVER VOTE

FOR LULA AND A SIMILAR SHARE

WOULD NEVER VOTE FOR FLAVIO.

BUT RECENTLY, FLAVIO DOES SEEM

TO BE SURGING IN THE POLLS.

WHICH IS WORRYING.

BECAUSE THAT MEANS THE WORLD'S

FOURTH-LARGEST DEMOCRACY AND THE

HOME TO-- NOT INSIGNIFICANTLY

-- THE RAINFOREST THAT'S KEY TO

MEETING THE WORLD'S CLIMATE

GOALS COULD, YET AGAIN, BE RUN

BY A DANGEROUS DIPSHIT NAMED

BOLSONARO.

SO GIVEN ALL THAT, TONIGHT,

LET'S TALK ABOUT BRAZIL'S

UPCOMING ELECTION, ITS MAIN

CANDIDATES, AND SOME OF THE

EXTRAORDINARY BAGGAGE THEY

CARRY.

AND WE SHOULD PROBABLY START

WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED

SINCE OUR LAST UPDATE.

IN 2022, LULA BEAT JAIR

BOLSONARO BY LESS THAN TWO

PERCENTAGE POINTS-- IT WAS THE

NARROWEST MARGIN IN A BRAZILIAN

PRESIDENTIAL VOTE SINCE THE FALL

OF THE MILITARY DICTATORSHIP IN

1985.

AND BOLSONARO'S REACTION WAS NOT

IDEAL.

HE NEVER FORMALLY ACKNOWLEDGED

HIS DEFEAT, AND EVEN FLED THE

COUNTRY BEFORE INAUGURATION DAY,

AND WENT TO ORLANDO, WHERE HE

WAS LATER SPOTTED POSING FOR

SELFIES WITH FANS AND WAITING IN

LINE AT A PUBLIX.

SOMEONE EVEN CAUGHT HIM SITTING

AT A KFC, EATING FRIED CHICKEN

OUT OF A BOX.

WHICH IS PRETTY DEPRESSING, AS

THAT IMAGE READS LESS "WORLD

LEADER," AND MORE "WORLD'S

SADDEST BEST BUY EMPLOYEE ON HIS

LUNCH BREAK."

MEANWHILE, BACK IN BRAZIL,

BOLSONARO'S SUPPORTERS STARTED

PROTESTING IN DROVES, ASKING THE

ELECTION RESULTS.

AND ALL THAT FERVOR CULMINATED

IN THIS.

>> TONIGHT, DEMOCRACY UNDER

ATTACK IN BRAZIL.

THOUSANDS OF PROTESTERS

VIOLENTLY STORMING THE COUNTRY'S

PRESIDENTIAL OFFICES AND

CONGRESS IN THE CAPITAL OF

BRASILIA, IN AN ATTACK EERILY

REMINISCENT OF WHAT THE

INSURRECTION AT THE U.S. CAPITOL

LOOKED LIKE JUST TWO YEARS AGO.

VIOLENT RIOTERS BATTLING WITH

POLICE, FIRING TEAR GAS IN THE

AIR AS THEY VANDALIZED

GOVERNMENT OFFICES, ALL CLAIMING

BOLSONARO DIDN'T REALLY LOSE THE

ELECTION.

>> John: YEAH, TURNS OUT HISTORY

DOESN'T REPEAT ITSELF, BUT

SOMETIMES IT DOES GET DUBBED IN

PORTUGUESE.

THAT WAS BASICALLY BRAZIL'S

JANUARY 6TH-- WHICH IS EASILY

THE MOST UPSETTING BRAZILIAN

VERSION OF AN AMERICAN IDEA

SINCE "VILA SESAMO," ITS 1970S

ADAPTATION OF "SESAME STREET"

THAT FEATURED A GAGGLE OF

ABSOLUTE FREAKS LIKE THIS

OSCAR-THE-GROUCH KNOCK-OFF WITH

RAGING PERVERT EYES NAMED

"GUGU," THIS GIANT ELEPHANT

NAMED "FUNGA-FUNGA" WITH A TRUNK

I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS

"UNCIRCUMCIZED," AND THIS GIANT,

FEATHERY NIGHTMARE NAMED

"GARIBALDO."

AND I HAVE TO ASK: IS THAT WHAT

OUR "SESAME STREET" CHARACTERS

LOOK LIKE TO THE REST OF THE

WORLD?

BECAUSE IF SO, I'M REALLY SORRY.

AND WHILE, REMEMBER, BOLSONARO

WAS IN FLORIDA AT THE TIME

INHALING POULTRY, IT SOON CAME

TO LIGHT THAT HE AND THOSE

AROUND HIM HAD DONE A LOT MORE

THAN JUST TACITLY SUPPORT THOSE

PROTESTS.

>> BOLSONARO WAS QUICKLY PUT

FORMALLY UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR

INCITING THE RIOTS.

>> AND MONTHS LATER, THE FEDERAL

POLICE MADE A HUGE DISCOVERY--

THAT BOLSONARO WASN'T JUST

INCITING AN INSURRECTION, HE WAS

ACTUALLY PLANNING A FULL-ON

MILITARY COUP.

>> INVESTIGATORS FOUND THRONGS

OF DOCUMENTS, AND EVEN ONE PLAN

TO ASSASSINATE MORAES, TO

ASSASSINATE THEN-PRESIDENT-ELECT

LULA AND HIS VICE-PRESIDENT,

GERALDO ALCKMIN.

IT WAS PRINTED OUT ON A COMPUTER

WITHIN THE PRESIDENTIAL PALACE

BY A FORMER MILITARY AIDE OF

BOLSONARO.

EVERYTHING WAS VERY

WELL-DOCUMENTED AND POORLY

DISGUISED

>> John: YEAH, THEY PRINTED

THEIR PLANS OUT.

WHICH IS SMART, ISN'T IT?

WE ALL KNOW THE BEST WAY TO KEEP

A MILITARY COUP PLOT SECRET IS

TO CREATE AN UNNECESSARY PAPER

TRAIL.

NOW THANKFULLY, PLANS TO

OVERTURN THE ELECTION AND

OVERTAKE THE SUPREME COURT

COLLAPSED, MAINLY BECAUSE THE

HEADS OF TWO OF THE THREE ARMED

FORCES REFUSED TO TAKE PART.

AND I SHOULD SAY: BOLSONARO

WASN'T ACCUSED OF BEING INVOLVED

IN THE ASSASSINATION PART OF

THAT PLOT.

BUT ONCE THE BROADER EVIDENCE OF

THE COUP PLAN CAME TO LIGHT,

BRAZIL'S SUPREME COURT ORDERED

BOLSONARO TO STAND TRIAL, FOUND

HIM GUILTY, AND SENTENCED HIM TO

27 YEARS AND 3 MONTHS IN PRISON.

THAT'S WHY HE CAN'T RUN FOR

PRESIDENT AGAIN.

BUT INTERESTINGLY, HE'S ACTUALLY

NOT IN PRISON RIGHT NOW, AS

AFTER LESS THAN FOUR MONTHS

INSIDE, HE GOT PERMISSION TO

SERVE THE REST OF HIS SENTENCE

UNDER HOUSE ARREST, BECAUSE OF

HIS FAILING HEALTH.

AND LOOK: BOLSONARO'S NO

STRANGER TO MAKING HEADLINES FOR

MEDICAL ISSUES.

HE FAMOUSLY TESTED POSITIVE FOR

COVID, AFTER RAILING AGAINST

COVID PRECAUTIONS.

BUT ON TOP OF THAT, HE ONCE TOLD

THE PRESS HIS BLADDER STONE WAS

"BIGGER THAN A BEAN," HIS

DOCTORS REVEALED HE'D HAD A

UNCHEWED SHRIMP.

AND HE'S BEEN HOSPITALIZED THREE

SEPARATE TIMES BECAUSE OF

HICCUPS.

SO THIS IS A GUY NOT WITHOUT

MEDICAL ISSUES.

BUT I WILL SAY-- ALLOWING HIM

TO BE UNDER HOUSE ARREST IS

PLACING AN AWFUL LOT OF TRUST IN

SOMEONE WHO, SHORTLY PRIOR TO

HAVING TO REPORT TO PRISON, DID

THIS.

>> SINCE BEING CONVICTED OF

ATTEMPTED COUP BACK IN

SEPTEMBER, BOLSONARO HAS BEEN

UNDER HOUSE ARREST.

BUT A MIDNIGHT ALERT FROM HIS

ELECTRONIC ANKLE MONITOR

TRIGGERED SECURITY TEAMS TO COME

INSPECT THE DEVICE.

AND THEN BOLSONARO ADMITTED ON

VIDEO THAT HE HAD USED A

SOLDERING IRON TO TRY TO OPEN

IT.

>> DID YOU USE ANYTHING TO BURN

IT?

>> I STUCK A HOT IRON ON IT

HERE.

>> A HOT IRON?

>> OUT OF CURIOSITY.

>> WHAT KIND OF IRON WAS IT?

A CLOTHES IRON?

>> NO.

A SOLDERING IRON, FOR SOLDERING.

>> John: I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S

WEIRDER: THE FACT HE THOUGHT HE

COULD DISABLE HIS ANKLE MONITOR,

OR THAT THOUGHT A "SODDERING

IRON" WAS HOW TO DO IT.

THAT'S DANGEROUS BEHAVIOR FOR

ANYONE, BUT ESPECIALLY SOMEONE

WHO-- HISTORY HAS SHOWN--

COULD START HAVING MEDICAL-GRADE

HICCUPS AT ANY MOMENT.

AND IF YOU'RE SEEING A LOT OF

PARALLELS TO TRUMP HERE-- AN

AUTHORITARIAN LEADER WHO LOST AN

ELECTION ONLY TO THEN SULK IN

FLORIDA AND PLOT HIS REVENGE--

YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

TRUMP CLEARLY SEES A REFLECTION

OF HIS OWN EXPERIENCES IN ALL

THIS, AND DURING BOLSONARO'S

TRIAL, HE EVEN SEEMED TO TRY TO

SWAY THE OUTCOME.

>> THIS MORNING, A MAJOR

ESCALATION IN PRESIDENT TRUMP'S

GLOBAL TRADE WAR.

WITH THE PRESIDENT RELEASING A

LETTER ANNOUNCING A 50% TARIFF

ON IMPORTS FROM BRAZIL STARTING

AUGUST 1st.

MR. TRUMP SPECIFICALLY POINTING

TO THE ONGOING PROSECUTION OF

ONE OF HIS LONG-TIME ALLIES,

BRAZIL'S FORMER PRESIDENT JAIR

BOLSONARO.

THE PRESIDENT CALLING

BOLSONARO'S TRIAL "A WITCH HUNT

THAT SHOULD END IMMEDIATELY."

>> John: YEAH, OF COURSE HE

CALLED IT THAT.

TRUMP OVERUSES THE TERM "WITCH

HUNT," THE WAY THE INTERNET

OVERUSES THE WORD "ICONIC."

YOUR NEWBORN IS NOT ICONIC, A

CONTESTANT ON "THE TRAITORS"

WEARING A HAT IS NOT ICONIC, THE

DOG FROM ANATOMY OF A FALL

TAKING A SHIT ON THE SIDEWALK IS

NOT "INSTANT ICON BEHAVIOR," THE

MORE YOU USE THAT TERM, THE LESS

IT MEANS.

AND IT WASN'T JUST TARIFFS--

TRUMP'S ADMINISTRATION EVEN

TARGETED BRAZILIAN SUPREME COURT

JUDGES, REVOKING THEIR U.S.

VISAS AND ISSUING FINANCIAL

SANCTIONS.

BUT INTERESTINGLY, ALL THOSE

ACTIONS MAY END UP BACKFIRING.

BECAUSE ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL,

LULA'S TURNED RAILING AGAINST

TRUMP INTO ONE OF HIS BIGGEST

APPLAUSE LINES.

>> HERE IN BRAZIL, WE DON'T

ACCEPT THAT ANYONE STICKS THEIR

NOSE INTO OUR BUSINESS BECAUSE

BRAZIL KNOWS HOW TO TAKE CARE OF

ITSELF.

THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE

STICKING THEIR NOSES INTO OUR

BUSINESS AND TRYING TO LAY THEIR

HANDS ON OUR LAND.

THAT'S GOING TO STOP.

I HAVE ALREADY TOLD TRUMP OVER

THE PHONE.

DON'T MEDDLE IN BRAZILIAN

ELECTIONS BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU

WILL LOSE.

>> John: YEAH, THAT'S A STRONG

MESSAGE THAT'S ONLY SLIGHTLY

UNDERCUT BY THE FACT IT'S BEING

DELIVERED BY A MAN WHO LOOKS

LIKE HIS STYLE ICON IS PERRY THE

PLATYPUS.

BUT THE THING IS IT HAS WORKED

-- LULA'S ACTUALLY SEEN A

NOTICEABLE BOOST IN POPULARITY

WHENEVER HE'S DENOUNCED TRUMP'S

TARIFFS AS INFRINGEMENTS ON

BRAZILIAN SOVEREIGNTY.

AND TO BE HONEST, HE COULD DO

WITH THE HELP.

BECAUSE IF BOLSONARO IS

REMINISCENT OF TRUMP, LULA CAN

UNFORTUNATELY BE PRETTY

REMINISCENT OF JOE BIDEN-- AND

NOT JUST BECAUSE BOTH MEN HAVE

BIG "I'VE GOT A WERTHER'S

ORIGINAL IN MY POCKET" ENERGY.

LIKE BIDEN, HE'S A CAREER

POLITICIAN WHO'S GENERALLY

GOVERNED AS A CENTER-LEFT

PRAGMATIST-- DOING THINGS LIKE

PRIORITIZING SOCIAL PROGRAMS,

AND SUPPORTING OIL DRILLING IN

THE AMAZON WHILE STILL CURBING

DEFORESTATION THERE.

ALSO, HE'S HAD TO NAVIGATE REAL

CONCERNS OVER HIS AGE--

ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY, HE'S BEEN A

LOT MORE PROACTIVE ON THAT SCORE

THAN BIDEN EVER WAS.

>> AT 80 YEARS OLD, THE FORMER

FACTORY WORKER IS EAGER TO SHOW

THAT HIS AGE IS JUST A NUMBER.

>> YOU CAN CUT YOUR HEALTHCARE

COSTS IN HALF, IF YOU DO WHAT

NATURE TELLS YOU TO DO, I'VE

LEARNED THAT.

THAT'S WHY, MY DEAR COMRADES,

I'M IN GREAT SHAPE.

HIS SECRET?

EXERCISE.

IN RECENT MONTHS LULA HAS BEEN

SHARING A STEADY STREAM OF

WORKOUT VIDEOS ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

>> John: I THINK I SPEAK FOR

EVERYONE WHEN I SAY THAT'S TRULY

INSPIRING-- SPECIFICALLY, IT'S

INSPIRING ME TO STAY THE FUCK

OFF OF INSTAGRAM SO I DON'T RUN

FILMING GERIATRIC THIRST TRAPS.

THE RISK OF SEEING AN FILMING GERIATRIC THIRST TRAPS.

FILMING GERIATRIC THIRST TRAPS.

AND HONESTLY, THAT DOESN'T GIVE

YOU THE FULL SENSE OF JUST HOW

WEIRD HIS WORKOUT VIDEOS ARE.

BECAUSE IMAGINE SCROLLING SOCIAL

MEDIA IN BRAZIL AND SUDDENLY

HITTING THIS.

♪ ♪

>> John: THAT'S ALL VERY STRANGE

COMING FROM A WORLD LEADER, BUT

I THINK MY FAVORITE MOMENT IS

THE THOUSAND-YARD STARE HE DOES

WHILE DOING CURLS, AS IF TO SAY,

"MAYBE THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY WORTH

IT."

THE PROBLEM FOR LULA IS THAT

MANY VOTERS SEE HIM AS AN

ESTABLISHMENT CANDIDATE, AND

EVEN THOUGH UNEMPLOYMENT IS

CURRENTLY AT ITS LOWEST LEVEL

SINCE 2012, AFFORDABILITY

REMAINS A MAJOR ISSUE FOR VOTERS

THERE.

AND AS YOU'VE SEEN, HE'S NOW

FACING A SIGNIFICANT CHALLENGE

FROM FLAVIO BOLSONARO, WHO'S NOT

ONLY HALF HIS AGE, BUT WHO'S

TRIED TO PRESENT HIMSELF AS

BASICALLY HIS FATHER, BUT

WITHOUT THE BAGGAGE.

HE'S CALLED HIMSELF "A

VACCINATED BOLSONARO."

AND HAS EVEN TRIED TO COUNTER

HIS DAD'S FAMOUS HISTORY OF

MISOGYNY BY RUNNING CAMPAIGN ADS

LIKE THIS.

>> EVERYONE KNOWS MY FATHER,

RIGHT?

BUT LOOK, MY DAUGHTERS, MY WIFE,

AND MY MOTHER ARE THE ONES WHO

MADE ME EXACTLY THE WAY I AM.

MY FATHER WORKED VERY HARD,

ALWAYS WORKED VERY HARD.

I SPENT MOST OF MY TIME WITH MY

MOTHER.

SHE PASSED ON HER WORLDVIEW, HER

WAY, HER SENSITIVITY.

>> THEN I MET FERNANDA, THE

WOMAN OF MY LIFE.

I EVEN REFER TO HER AS MY LIFE,

MY ETERNAL GIRLFRIEND, A VERY

COMPETENT DENTIST.

>> John: IT'S PRETTY WEIRD

LANDING ON THE DENTIST COMMENT

THERE.

I ALMOST WISH HE'D KEPT

SHOE-HORNING IN HIS WIFE'S

PROFESSIONAL CREDENTIALS.

"SHE'S MY LIFE, MY ETERNAL

GIRLFRIEND, A COMPETENT DENTIST.

SHE'S MY SOULMATE, AND ADEPT AT

IDENTIFYING GINGIVITIS.

SHE'S MY GUIDING LIGHT, AND HAS

FLOSSED THOUSANDS OF STRANGERS."

THOUGH EVEN AS FLAVIO TRIES TO

PRESENT A SOFTER SIDE IN ADS,

YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN HIM CLAIMING

HIS VEINS ARE FULL OF BOLSONARO

BLOOD-- WHICH AS WE ALL KNOW

NOW, PROBABLY CONTAINS AT LEAST

ONE UNCHEWED SHRIMP.

AND HE'S GONE OUT OF HIS WAY TO

INCLUDE HIS DAD IN HIS RALLIES.

NOT PHYSICALLY INCLUDING HIM--

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, AS REMEMBER,

HE'S UNDER HOUSE ARREST.

AND NOT INCLUDING HIM ON VIDEO,

AS HE'S ALSO BEEN BANNED FROM

COMMUNICATING WITH THE PUBLIC.

INSTEAD, HE'S TRIED A CLEVER

WORK-AROUND.

>> WHAT YOU ARE SEEING HERE IS

NOT ME.

THIS IS A SIMULATION OF MY IMAGE

AND VOICE MADE WITH ARTIFICIAL

INTELLIGENCE.

AS EVERYONE HERE KNOWS, I AM

IMPRISONED AND SILENCED BY AN

UNJUST AND ARBITRARY DECISION

BASED ON SOMETHING I NEVER DID.

>> John: WELL, THAT'S BOTH

CREEPY AND DUMB-- THOUGH IT'S

HARD FOR ME TO JUDGE AI

BOLSONARO FOR LOOKING EXHAUSTED

WHILE COMPLAINING IN A WHITE

VOID, AS FRANKLY, WE'VE ALL BEEN

THERE.

AND THE FACT IS, FLAVIO'S

SIMILARITIES TO HIS DAD ARE

PRETTY CONCERNING.

LIKE HIM, HE'S SAID SOME DEEPLY

SHITTY THINGS ABOUT GAY PEOPLE,

INCLUDING, "BEING HOMOSEXUAL

ISN'T NORMAL," AND "I'M VERY

SINCERE WHEN I SAY THAT I DON'T

LIKE SEEING TWO BEARDED MEN

KISSING, I FIND IT DISGUSTING."

WHICH DOES BEG THE QUESTION:

TWINKS ARE OKAY THOUGH?

HE'S ALSO DEFENDED THE MILITARY

DICTATORSHIP THAT RAN BRAZIL FOR

21 YEARS, SAYING "BACK THEN

THERE WAS SECURITY, HEALTHCARE,

QUALITY EDUCATION AND RESPECT."

WHICH IS A BOLD THING TO SAY

ABOUT A REGIME THAT KILLED AND

TORTURED ITS POLITICAL

OPPONENTS.

AND MORE RECENTLY, HE'S ALIGNED

HIMSELF WITH RIGHT-WING WORLD

LEADERS LIKE BENJAMIN NETANYAHU

AND ARGENTINA'S PRESIDENT JAVIER

MILEI, AND ON CRIME HAS SAID,

THE ONLY WAY IS TO BE

HEAVY-HANDED, AND PROPOSED

BUILDING FIVE NEW PRISONS "OF

THE MODEL ADOPTED BY EL

SALVADOR"-- YOU KNOW, THOSE

INFAMOUSLY BRUTAL GULAGS WHERE

KRISTI NOEM WENT FOR HER FUN

PHOTO SHOOT.

BUT MAYBE THE BIGGEST SIMILARITY

BETWEEN FLAVIO AND HIS DAD

CONCERNS THEIR RICH HISTORY OF

BEING CONNECTED TO SCANDALS.

AND RATHER THAN GETTING INTO ALL

OF THEM, I JUST WANT TO FOCUS ON

THE MOST RECENT, WHICH INVOLVES

A MOVIE CALLED "DARK HORSE."

IT'S BASICALLY A FEATURE-LENGTH

PROPAGANDA FILM ABOUT JAIR

BOLSONARO, CENTERING ON THE

INCIDENT IN 2018, WHEN HE WAS

STABBED DURING A RALLY.

IT STARS JIM CAVIEZEL, WHO YOU

MAY KNOW AS "THE GUY FROM

"PASSION OF THE CHRIST", "SOUND

OF FREEDOM," AND THE VERY REAL

HEADLINE 'JIM CAVIEZEL EMULATES

BRAVEHEART SPEECH TO CHEERING

CROWD AT QANON CONVENTION'"

HERE'S JUST A TASTE OF THE

TRAILER THAT LEAKED EARLIER THIS

YEAR.

>> MY NAME IS JAIR BOLSONARO.

I AM FATHER, HUSBAND, AND NOW I

AM RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

HE WAS THE VOICE OF THE PEOPLE.

>> HOW ABOUT THIS CROWD, EH?

>> WILL YOU HAVE A SPEECH?

>> TO FOREIGNERS, TO

ENVIRONMENTALISTS, TO HOLLYWOOD

PEDOPHILES, THIS COUNTRY ISN'T

THEIRS.

IT'S OURS.

OUR NATION, BRAZIL, IS AT STAKE!

>> WHAT'S HAPPENING?

>> CONSIDERING THE GRAVITY OF

THE SITUATION--

>> DOCTOR.

GOD IS WITH HIM.

[GASP]

>> John: OKAY, THERE'S CLEARLY A

LOT THERE.

FIRST, YOU'LL NOTICE THE ENTIRE

MOVIE'S IN ENGLISH, YET JIM

CAVIEZEL'S OPTING TO DO THAT

ACCENT ANYWAY.

HE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

AS FOR HIM SAYING HE WAS

STANDING UP TO "FOREIGNERS,

ENVIRONMENTALISTS, AND HOLLYWOOD

PEDOPHILES"-- I'M NOT SURE

EXACTLY WHY HOLLYWOOD PEDOPHILES

GOT A MENTION THERE, THOUGH TO

BE FAIR, IT NEVER HURTS TO TOSS

THEM ON YOUR LIST OF ENEMIES.

IT'S WHY YOU CAN EXPECT

PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL FOR NEXT

SEASON OF THIS SHOW TO READ

"LAST WEEK TONIGHT", THE MOST

HATED SHOW AMONG LIARS, RACISTS,

SCAMMERS, AND HOLLYWOOD

PEDOPHILES.

BECAUSE WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

TELL ME "I'M WRONG ABOUT THAT?"

GO AHEAD, DO IT!

IN FACT, ANY HOLLYWOOD

PEDOPHILES WHO ARE OFFENDED

RIGHT NOW, PLEASE SOUND OFF IN

THE COMMENTS, LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE

AND AS ALWAYS, DO REMEMBER TO

TAG A WOMAN WHO LOOKS TIRED.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE,

FROM THE FACT IT WAS MADE AT

ALL, TO THE FACT THAT FLAVIO

BOLSONARO-- WHO, REMEMBER,

LOOKS LIKE THIS, IS PLAYED BY A

GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS-- FEELS

LIKE A CRIME AGAINST CINEMA.

BUT IT TURNS OUT, THAT'S NOT THE

ONLY SORT OF CRIME IT MIGHT BE,

AS THE NEWS IN BRAZIL HAS BEEN

UTTERLY DOMINATED BY STORIES

COVERING INVESTIGATIONS INTO THE

FINANCING OF "DARK HORSE," AND

THE MOVIE'S TIES TO A MUCH

LARGER SCANDAL CONCERNING "BANCO

MASTER," A FAILED LENDER NOW

UNDER INVESTIGATION IN A $10

BILLION DOLLAR BANK FRAUD CASE.

VERY BASICALLY, IT TURNS OUT, A

BIG CHUNK OF THE MOVIE'S

FINANCING APPARENTLY CAME FROM A

DISGRACED BANKER THERE NAMED

DANIEL VORCARO, WHO WAS ARRESTED

IN MARCH ON SUSPICION OF LEADING

THE WHOLE BANCO MASTER FRAUD

SCHEME.

THINK OF HIM AS BRAZIL'S BERNIE

MADOFF IF BERNIE MADOFF WAS ALSO

BUILT LIKE A LINEBACKER AND HOT

AS SHIT.

VORCARO APPARENTLY PROMISED

FLAVIO A WHOPPING $24 MILLION

DOLLARS TO HELP PRODUCE "DARK

HORSE."

AND WHILE IT'S BELIEVED HE

ULTIMATELY FORKED OVER ONLY HALF

OF THAT, THERE ARE STILL

UNDERSTANDABLE QUESTIONS

REGARDING WHERE ALL THAT MONEY

THEN WENT.

BECAUSE BASED ON THE TRAILER, IT

SURE DOESN'T SEEM LIKE MUCH OF

IT MADE IT ONTO THE SCREEN.

AND WHILE FLAVIO INITIALLY

CLAIMED HE HAD "NO ASSOCIATION

WITH" VORCARO, THAT DIDN'T LAST

LONG, ONCE PHONE MESSAGES

BETWEEN THEM STARTED COMING OUT.

>> EXCHANGED MESSAGES REVEAL

THAT SENATOR AND PRESIDENTIAL

PRE-CANDIDATE FOR THE PL PARTY,

FLÁVIO BOLSONARO, PERSISTENTLY

ASKED FOR MONEY FROM

DANIEL VORCARO, OWNER OF

BANCO MASTER, FOR A TRANSFER OF

R$4 MILLION TO FINANCE THE

BIOPIC OF FORMER PRESIDENT

JAIR BOLSONARO, TITLED "DARK

HORSE."

>> John: YEAH, THAT DOESN'T LOOK

GREAT.

NOR DOES IT LOOK GREAT THAT, THE

DAY BEFORE VORCARO WAS ARRESTED

TRYING TO FLY TO DUBAI, FLAVIO

WAS TEXTING HIM "BROTHER, I AM

AND WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU."

WHICH IS A WEIRDLY INTIMATE

MESSAGE TO SEND TO SOMEONE YOU

HAVE "NO ASSOCIATION WITH"

HONESTLY, IT'D BE A WEIRDLY

INTIMATE MESSAGE TO SEND TO

ANYONE.

I MEAN, I GET IT-- THE GUY'S A

BUSINESS BEEFCAKE.

BUT STILL.

LET'S TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH,

SHALL WE?

NOW, FLAVIO MAINTAINS THAT

NOTHING CONCERNING THE FILM'S

FUNDING WAS CRIMINAL, AND THAT

HE ONLY TOOK VORCARO'S MONEY

BECAUSE "THE FILM WAS ALREADY

UNDERWAY, AND I DIDN'T WANT THIS

WORK OF ART TO BE LOST."

BUT CALLING THIS FILM "ART" IS A

STRETCHING THAT TERM TO BREAKING

POINTS.

NOW, GRANTED, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.

BUT LUCKILY, I HAVE READ A DRAFT

OF THE SCREENPLAY.

AND IT FEATURES SOME TRULY

INCREDIBLE DIALOGUE, WITH

BOLSONARO SAYING LINES LIKE,

"SAME SHIT NEW TOILET" AND

"RUMORS ARE LIKE FARTS, THEY

COME FROM ASSHOLES."

AND THE FILM APPARENTLY OPENS

WITH A SCENE WHERE A FEMALE

REPORTER SAYS TO BOLSONARO, "YOU

LOVE YOUR WIFE, YOUR CHILDREN.

I'M SURE YOU REVERE THE HOLY

FAMILY AND ALL THE SAINTS...

GET WEEPY AT BAPTISMS, WEDDINGS,

AND FUNERALS...

BUT UNDERNEATH ALL THAT, WHAT

ARE YOU?"

TO WHICH HE APPARENTLY REPLIES

"SOMETHING YOU'VE NEVER

ENCOUNTERED: A MAN."

WHICH ALREADY FEELS LIKE A LINE

FROM A BAD PORN FILM BEFORE YOU

LEARN THAT AFTER THAT LINE, THE

SCREENPLAY APPARENTLY READS--

"SHE IS THROWN BY THE

PENETRATION OF THIS."

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN A LINE OF

DIALOGUE!

THAT'S AN INSTRUCTION FOR HOW

THE ACTRESS SHOULD REACT!

AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU'RE

SUPPOSED TO DO THAT-- AND I

WILL REMIND YOU, THAT'S COMING

FROM SOMEONE WHO'S ACTED TWICE.

BUT READING THE SCREENPLAY MAKES

IT CLEAR WHAT A SHAMELESS

PROPAGANDA PIECE THIS MOVIE WAS

INTENDED TO BE, GIVEN THAT IT

TURNS JAIR'S STABBING-- WHICH

ALL INVESTIGATIONS CONCLUDED WAS

DONE BY A LONE INDIVIDUAL--

INTO A CONSPIRACY AMONG THE

ELITES, THE SUPREME COURT, AND A

FICTIONAL FAR-LEFT PARTY.

SO THIS SUSPICIOUSLY-EXPENSIVE

MOVIE WAS PRETTY CLEARLY

DESIGNED TO RESET JAIR

BOLSONARO'S IMAGE AMONG

BRAZILIANS, AND IN DOING SO,

BOOST FLAVIO'S CAMPAIGN.

WHICH IS WHAT MAKES IT SO FUNNY

THAT, AMID ALL THE CONTROVERSY,

ITS DISTRIBUTOR DECIDED TO

POSTPONE THE FILM'S RELEASE

UNTIL AFTER THE ELECTION.

SO FLAVIO'S NOT GOING TO GET ANY

OF THE PROPAGANDA BENEFITS OF

"DARK HORSE," BUT HE'S STILL

HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE SCANDAL

AROUND ITS FINANCING.

AS THIS STORY HAS BEEN

ABSOLUTELY HUGE IN BRAZIL.

PEOPLE HAVE BEEN PORING THROUGH

DOCUMENTS ABOUT ITS PRODUCTION

AND FINANCING-- WHICH MEANS, IF

NOTHING ELSE, WE'VE LEARNED FUN

DETAILS LIKE THIS.

>> ACCORDING TO THE PRODUCTION

COMPANY BEHIND THE FILM

DEPICTING THE LIFE OF FORMER

PRESIDENT JAIR BOLSONARO, THE

WIG WORN BY ACTOR JIM CAVIEZEL,

WHO PLAYS JAIR BOLSONARO, WAS

RENTED FOR R$10,000.

THE EXPENSE DESCRIPTION READS

"WIG RENTAL JIM".

>> John: NOW, IN CASE YOU'RE

WONDERING, THAT AMOUNT CONVERTS

TO JUST UNDER $2,000.

AND FIRST: THAT'S ENTIRELY TOO

MUCH FOR THAT WIG.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS BOUGHT AT A

SPIRIT HALLOWEEN ON NOVEMBER

1ST.

BUT ALSO, I'M SORRY, "RENTAL?"

DOES THAT MEAN THEY RETURNED IT?

IS THERE SOMEONE IN BRAZIL

WALKING AROUND RIGHT NOW IN THAT

THING, LOOKING LIKE RACHEL

MADDOW GOT PUT THROUGH THE

WASHING MACHINE?

DARK HORSE HAS, UNDERSTANDABLY,

BECOME A PUNCHLINE IN BRAZIL.

THERE ARE NOW PEOPLE HOLDING UP

SIGNS ASKING WHERE THE MONEY

SPENT ON IT WENT, AND AT ONE

CONCERT BY A BRAZILIAN POP STAR,

SOMEONE LITERALLY DRESSED UP AS

A DARK HORSE AND THREW MONEY AT

THE AUDIENCE.

AND WHILE I'M ASSUMING THAT'S A

POLITICAL PROTEST.

IT ACTUALLY MIGHT BE ONE OF THE

STARS OF BRAZILIAN SESAME

STREET.

IT COULD BE THE COUNT.

NOTHING'S OFF LIMITS.

AND LOOK, THE BROADER BANCO

MASTER SCANDAL IS STILL GETTING

BIGGER EVERY DAY, AND IS

SPREADING IN SOME UNEXPECTED

DIRECTIONS.

FOR INSTANCE, IT RECENTLY

EMERGED THAT VORCARO MAY'VE BEEN

IN CONTACT WITH THIS JUSTICE ON

BRAZIL'S SUPREME COURT-- WHO

ACTUALLY OVERSAW JAIR

BOLSONARO'S TRIAL AND

IMPRISONMENT.

AND WHILE THAT JUDGE DENIES

WRONGDOING, HE'S WIDELY SEEN AS

A CLOSE ALLY OF LULA-- A FACT

THAT, UNFORTUNATELY, FLAVIO AND

HIS SUPPORTERS ARE NOW USING TO

"BOTH-SIDES" THIS SCANDAL AND TO

TRY AND MITIGATE THE DAMAGE.

SO DESPITE EVERYTHING YOU'VE

SEEN TONIGHT, THE TRUTH IS,

FLAVIO STILL HAS A VERY REAL

CHANCE TO WIN THIS ELECTION.

WHICH IS NOT GOOD.

HE'S ALREADY VOWED TO PARDON HIS

FATHER IF ELECTED, AND WHILE THE

SUPREME COURT'S RULED THAT

PARDONS CANNOT BE USED TO

PROTECT A POLITICAL ALLY, IT'S

WORTH KNOWING THAT BRAZIL'S NEXT

PRESIDENT WILL HAVE THE

OPPORTUNITY TO APPOINT AT LEAST

3 AND MAYBE 4 OF THE SUPREME

COURT'S 11 JUSTICES.

LOOK, THIS IS GOING TO BE AN

INCREDIBLY TIGHT RACE.

ACCORDING TO RECENT POLLING,

IT'S LIKELY NEITHER CANDIDATE

ENDS UP SECURING MORE THAN 50%

OF THE VOTE IN THE FIRST ROUND,

IN WHICH CASE THERE WILL THEN BE

A RUNOFF ELECTION ON OCTOBER

25TH.

SO THERE'S CLEARLY A LOT AT

STAKE IN BRAZIL RIGHT NOW.

AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT

BECAUSE I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF THE

BOLSONAROS-- WHICH IS ABOUT AS

MUCH AS AN UNDERSTATEMENT AS ME

SAYING "THE MOVIE DARK HORSE

PROBABLY WON'T WIN AN OSCAR."

BUT I ALSO THINK THEY'RE A

FAMILY CLEARLY OUT FOR REVENGE

AND UNFORTUNATELY, THE CURRENT

U.S. ADMINISTRATION APPEARS

HAPPY TO HELP THEM GET IT.

AND I KNOW THE ONLY THING MORE

ANNOYING THAN ME ENDING A STORY

TELLING YOU TO GO VOTE IS ME

TELLING YOU TO GO VOTE IF YOU'RE

IN BRAZIL, ESPECIALLY SINCE

VOTING THERE IS MANDATORY.

SO ALL I'LL SAY IS, HOPEFULLY,

NEXT SUNDAY, LULA'S MESSAGE OF

DEFIANCE AND GYM LUNGES WILL END

UP GAINING MORE TRACTION THAN

FLAVIO'S FEARMONGERING AND

FLAGRANT DADDY ISSUES.

AND WE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT, IF

THE VOTERS DO REJECT FLAVIO, THE

BOLSONARO FAMILY WON'T JUST

ACCEPT THE RESULTS, THEY'LL, TO

SCREENPLAYS I'VE EVER SEEN, BE

THROWN BY THE PENETRATION OF IT.

AND NOW THIS.

>> Announcer: AND NOW,

GREG KELLY WANTS TO KNOW HAVE

YOU SEEN THIS MOVIE?

>> PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CRYING

THROUGH THE ORDINARY MAIL ALL

THE TIME.

WE SAW THE MOVIE THE FIRM.

IT'S AN OLD ONE.

TOM CRUISE IS FREAKED OUT

BY A. MEMPHIS LAW FIRM.

HAS ANYBODY SEEN THE MOVIE

CARRIE?

THE GIRL WITH TELEKINESIS AND

RUINS PROM?

WHO HAS SEEN THE MOVIE STRIPES?

I LOVE THAT MOVIE.

BILL MURRAY.

ANYBODY REMEMBER THE MOVIE

TRADING PLACES?

FANTASTIC.

DAN AYKROYD.

EDDIE MURPHY.

AND THEY TRADE PLACES.

SO GOOD.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THAT MOVIE

U.S. MARSHALS WITH I DON'T KNOW,

THE SAME GUY FROM THE FUGITIVE.

WHAT'S HIS NAME AGAIN?

WHAT'S THAT MOVIE?

BIG TOM HANKS GOT UP IN THE CAR.

WHO SAW FORREST GUMP?

ANYBODY REMEMBER THE MOVIE?

ANYBODY REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED

AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL.

EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU CAN'T SWIM

IN THAT THING AND THEY ONLY DID

IT BECAUSE THEY WERE MADLY IN

LOVE AND THEY HADN'T SEEN EACH

OTHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

WHAT DOES HAPPEN NEXT?

DO THEY GET MARRIED?

THEY HAVE A KID!

I REMEMBER THAT VAGUELY AND I

THINK SHE DIES.

YEAH, SHE DIES.

♪ ♪

>> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

GOOD NIGHT!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ ♪