Original subtitles

- For all of you who were too fucking busy,

This is what happened last week on shameless.

- Why is that man driving your car?

You let him steal it?

- No, beto, I stole it,

Back when life was fun and the world had meaning.

- My partner works for this city.

Because we're not married,

I'm not allowed to share in his insurance benefits.

- You told the world we're gay.

- You, my friend, have stumbled into the most significant moment

In the history of the gay rights movement.

You also have dog shit on your face

And no place to live,

But we can fix that, if you agree to work with us.

- And look at mickey, marrying some whore he knocked up.

- So is it true? You're getting married?

You love me.

And you're gay. Just admit it.

Just this once, admit it. Ugh!

- You're the temp? - Yeah, hi.

Yes. Fiona gallagher.

- Some of the office bitches may have narked on you

About the porn at your desk and the personal phone calls.

- Well, mr. Pratt is asking for a word with you.

- Am I fired? - No, you're--you're--

[clears throat]

No more naked body parts at your desk

For any reason.

- Got it. - And also,

You're doing a great job.

- Just the man I was hoping to run into.

- I can't see you anymore. I'm with mandy now.

- Who's this? - It's karen jackson.

- Fuck you. - Oh, you mean, like,

All three of us?

Do you want me to ask lip next time we do it?

Okay, I'm sorry, mom.

It's--it's lip. He wants to meet at the park.

[car horn honking]

- What'd you hit?

- Girl at school.

[high strung's the luck you got]

♪

- ♪ think of all the luck you got ♪

♪ know that it's not for naught ♪

♪ you were beaming once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside

♪ that you speak of?

♪ what is this feeling

♪ you're so sure of?

♪

♪ round up the friends you got ♪

♪ know that they're not for naught ♪

♪ you were willing once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside

♪ that you speak of?

♪ what is this feeling

♪ you're so sure of?

- [sighs]

- How many slaves you think george washington had sex with?

- Carl, eat. Now.

- More than lincoln, less than jefferson.

- Ian, that bruise is looking better.

- Who beat you up again? - No one.

It's rotc, practicing hand-to-hand.

- Marines still fight with their fists?

- In certain situations, yes.

- What's the point of building nukes

If we ain't nuking anybody? - Gross national product.

- Can I use last night's chicken bones to make soup?

- As long as they're not in the trash.

Lip hear anything new about karen?

- Still asleep.

- Karen or lip?

- Both.

- Up and at 'em, yet again. Impressive.

- Having a job does that to me.

You good with liam duty again today?

- Me and liam are deeply bonded bros.

- [laughs]

- Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?

- Uh, yeah, cool. Can you walk with me?

- Yeah.

- Mwah. Bye, see you later. - Bye.

- Bye! - Be good for jimmy.

- Hey, here. Thanks.

- How about I just give you the headline?

- Sure, newsboy. Headline away.

- Okay.

"helping the world be a better place."

- [laughing] yeah, how's that?

- I'm thinking about going back to medical school.

- What?

- I already finished two years, only have one to go.

I'm just thinking it might be the right thing to do for us.

Future and all. Stability.

- Isn't med school really hard? And expensive?

- Yes, but the payoff's great.

Six figures, and I'll take out loans.

Doesn't work out, I'll just default.

- [chuckles] "doctor jimmy," huh?

- Yeah, spit-balling.

- Okay. Well, I'm off to sell cups

To people that use them.

Not as exciting as medical school,

But exciting nonetheless.

[laughter] - hey.

- Okay, let's get started.

You all know why you're here.

You've seen his story on the news,

On twitter feeds, on your facebook walls.

His is a tale of a lifetime in the closet,

Of a brave midlife embrace of his true nature

And an acknowledgement that he is a lightning rod

For a vital civil rights issue.

Ladies and gentlemen, frank gallagher.

Frank?

[cheers and applause]

- Um...

We're at a-- we are at a crucial time

In our nation's history,

Where, as a nation, we'll either pivot toward what's right...

Or, um...Stay stuck in what's wrong,

And make no mistake, right now, it's a horrible time to be gay.

And I, like all of you, have experienced it firsthand.

Apparently, I've caused a ruckus

Because I said that gay folks deserve certain civil rights--

Rights that the breeders don't want to bestow upon me.

[laughter] ha ha ha. Upon we. [laughs]

Those breeders, all they wanna do is stop us

From having the sex that they wish they were having.

[laughs]

[cheers and applause]

If...If--

If the kind of sex we're having is what offends them most,

They should let us get married,

'cause anybody who's been married

Knows that the sex is downhill from there.

[laughter and applause]

Now, we have long--thank you. We have long been wronged,

And it's time for legislation

That allows our private parts to be aroused

By the people god intended to arouse them.

[laughs] [cheers and applause]

And--

And it's time for that arousal to happen within marriage!

So get out your wallets or your--your man purses

Or whatever, and give now,

'cause I hope never to be up again this early,

Unless it's rolling over with a couple of you in bed.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you. I love you. [laughs]

- Shit, you're good! How did you get so good?

- My whole life, I've been trying to convince people

To do what they really don't want to do.

- [laughs] - the--the envelope, kind sir?

Thank you, thank you.

Now, we gotta talk about upgrading my room.

- Uh, you can tip the front desk

With some of my recently departed hard-earned cash.

- The front desk at the merchant motor inn

Is behind bulletproof glass.

- It's plexiglass.

You have a queen bed and premium channels.

- You saw what I did here. I'm your new rainmaker.

I can get these rump-swappers to cough up cash night and day.

- "rump-swappers"?

There's a slur I've never heard before.

Okay, we'll see how the high school speech goes,

But until then, you're still on the clock,

So go shake some hands, ya little rump-swapper.

- [gasps]

You saucy tart, you.

- [grunts]

[sighs]

Sorry about that.

- It happens.

- Look, it's not you. I just, I...

I can't get karen getting hit by that car out of my mind.

Hey.

Hey, wait a minute. I can focus.

- I'm late for school. We can give each other head

In the shed behind the football field at lunch.

- It is hard to turn down head in the shed,

But I might not make it there by lunch.

Gotta stop by the hospital, see if karen's okay.

- She's in a coma.

- No, I know, I just... Wanna show some support.

- She won't even know that you're there.

- Still, it's the right thing to do.

- Well, you want me to come with?

- No, I'm cool.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing.

- Your brow is furrowed.

- Oh, that's its natural state.

- [laughs] - actually, my boyfriend

Just kind of sprung some news on me as I was leaving.

- What's your guy want, a night out with the boys?

New pickup truck?

- Actually, he's thinking about going back to medical school.

- Wow, you're dating a doctor.

- New k-cups came in!

Whoo! Whoo! [cheers]

- I need me my french vanilla supreme!

- Hells, yeah! And a black tiger for the con-woman!

- Whoo! - We got to celebrate.

Fiona's fiance is gonna be a doctor.

- He's not my fiance.

- Yet. - Put your hooks in him, girl.

Doctors are rich.

- All right, k-cups are in. Fantastic.

- We're celebrating fiona's impending marriage to a doctor.

- Oh, wow. Really?

- I--no, not really.

- Well, what flavor's your k-cup poison?

- Never had one. - [gasps] what?

Well, let us usher you across the workplace coffee frontier.

- She ain't gonna need a workplace much longer.

- Yeah, soon, she'll have her servants

Bringing her coffee out of a silver chalice.

[laughter] - okay, come on now, stop.

- Oh. - No, seriously, keep going.

[laughter]

[overlapping chatter]

- Morning, mandy.

- Why does lip give a fuck whether that bitch karen

Is alive or dead?

- It's a mystery.

- What was all that about?

- You, karen, the unfathomable male soul.

- [laughs] why aren't you in school?

- Skipping.

- Debs, we need at least one person in this family

To not turn cynical, and my money's been on you.

- I made soup for sheila.

- That's nice. I'm gonna drop by the hospital.

I'll take it for you.

- And take the credit for doing something nice

When you actually did nothing?

- Well, to be fair, at that point,

I will have carried it all the way over there, so--

- You're taking mandy for granted.

- Why? What'd she tell you?

- She's kind, she's devoted,

She's not someone whose feelings you can ignore,

So stop being a dope,

And put her feelings first every once in a while.

- School is a time to experiment with your minds

And with your genitalia.

Now, the human genitalia, to me, is like a homing device--

God's compass. Huh?

And each of us has it,

And it guides us to our destined homes.

Now, our devices don't work if we try to point 'em

In a direction that they don't want to go in. [laughs]

- He needs to tone it down, please.

- But, you know, I laugh for a point,

Because let people chow down

On the nether region of their choice--

Male, female, consenting animal.

- Stop--uh... [laughs]

Mason preparatory academy, thank you so much...

- Thank you. - For hearing our story.

[claps] - thank you. You're terrific.

- You guys are terrific.

- I--I'm sorry. It's--I can't-- - what the hell was that?

- It's the hotel. I need a mini-fridge.

I need a hot plate at the very least.

- I tried to take a nap... - Excuse me?

- And I can't-- - excuse me,

That was the most honest speech I've ever heard.

I just texted my dad, and he told me

I could donate $1,000 to the cause.

Um, who do I make the check out to?

- "the certitude commission."

- Okay. "cert"-- okay.

[respirator]

- Kill the phenobarbital and paralytics.

- Excuse me.

Excuse me, hi. I'm sorry. I know--good morning.

- [chuckles] - I know you're really busy,

But what-- what are you "killing"?

- The swelling appears to have gone down in her brain,

So I'm killing the meds that induce the coma.

- Oh, okay. Excuse me.

I'm sorry. What does that mean?

- I'm removing some of her meds.

- Okay. N--I'm sorry-- - hey!

- Yes? - I'm a nice guy.

Patient, not usually a violent dude,

But if you try to leave here one more time

Without telling us what's going on

In words we can understand,

I will your lift your tiny body over my head

And throw you out the window.

- Your wife has sustained serious trauma to her brain.

- So you said that you're removing

The meds that induce the coma.

Does that mean she's gonna wake up soon?

- That is one possibility.

- What are the other possibilities?

- That she won't wake up soon,

Or that she won't wake up ever.

- But if she does wake up, will she be okay?

- We won't know how much damage there is until she wakes.

- Well, can we help her wake up?

Is she--can she hear us in there?

- Nobody knows,

And I don't want to get myself thrown out the window.

- [mouthing words]

Sweetie?

Time to wake up.

- Bacon, lettuce, and tomato on white,

Just like your other favorite meat.

Really, nothing? I've been brewing that line for weeks.

- Mom's period day is tomorrow.

- Oh. - You didn't know that?

- Ah, come on, "v," I only got so much in the hard drive.

Remembering your mom's menstrual cycle

Is not a top priority.

Want me to go to walgreen's, get a pee stick?

- Honestly? - No, no, lie to me.

I hear it makes marriages thrive.

Eat.

I'll get a pee stick, we'll call your mom,

And we'll watch her take a piss. It'll be fun.

- Mickey getting married, does that make sense to you?

- What sense needs to be made?

Someone's pregnant, someone got them pregnant,

And that's... Why marriage was invented.

- They been going out long?

- Who knows? I wasn't in on the courting or the fucking.

- So where did they meet?

- She works at garden springs spa,

If you call jerking off random dudes working.

- She pretty?

- On the dead-eyed russian hand-whore scale?

I'd say she'd rate about a seven.

- [laughs] - [child squeals]

- Choo, choo.

- Boom!

- You have sweet and low? - I do not.

- It's okay. I always keep some in my wallet.

Just have to replace this one.

I feel so honored to be invited to your mistress' porch.

When will you invite me inside for scones?

- No time soon. Listen,

I'm thinking about taking a little vacation to michigan.

- I hope it's not to commandeer a shipment of cars.

- I'm thinking of going back to medical school.

- [laughs] in michigan?

- I quit before I could finish, and I only have

A couple semesters left to get my degree,

So-- - so not a vacation?

- Not exactly, no.

- So why the step-stutter? Why not tell me that

From the beginning? - It's "stutter-step," okay?

I was testing the waters first.

It's good for me and for you.

I'll be keeping out of trouble, keeping my nose clean.

- In michigan?

- Yes.

I mean, we can go up there, drive around.

I mean, great food. Excellent cheese. Truth.

- Good luck convincing her to move.

- Fiona? - Estefania, [foreign word],

Your wife!

[speaking in portuguese]

[baby babbles] [speaking in portuguese]

- Wait, is it-- but if I do, you're on board?

- Why is it you think I am in charge, huh?

- Charge! - I'm not the one

Who's in charge. Are you in charge?

You're in charge. [laughs]

- Charge. - I go where I'm supposed to go

And do what I'm supposed to do, okay?

If I do those things, I stay out of trouble.

I suggest you do the same.

[heart monitor beeping] [respirator]

- He-ey.

Hi.

[monitor beeping]

- Chicken soup. - Oh!

Oh.

- Hey, busy beaver.

You know the phrase "speed kills"? It's true.

- Just trying to get through this stack.

- Another stack just replaces this stack.

- Where's the next stack?

- Embrace the science of slow.

- You should've thought about that before you made me

Mainline k-cups.

I've got a cup of jet fuel, two black tigers,

And a butter toffee in me.

Feel like I just did an eight ball.

- You don't wanna raise the level of expectation

For when maria comes back from sick leave.

- Science of slow. - Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna grab some lunch. Wanna join?

- Brown-bagging it. - Come on, my treat.

You'll pay me back in spades

When your doctor man starts his own practice.

Come on, come on. - Okay.

[barroom chatter]

- Hey! If it isn't liberace!

[laughter] - liberace was rich.

- Go ahead. Go ahead and mock, but I have found a constituency

Willing to reward me for my talents.

- Larceny and vomiting?

- Oratory. I'll have a maker's mark.

Make it the good-- oh, come on.

- You haven't paid your tab in months, frank.

Oh! Good for you!

Here, let me give you some change.

- 5 bucks? - You're lucky

We don't charge interest, frank.

- Haven't seen you this cleaned up in ages, frank.

- Uh, christmas, 2008.

Your mom made dinner for you and me,

Then she went away, and you and I made the videotape.

You remember that? You still have it?

That was hot! I went six or seven rounds.

That's close to my personal best.

- Frank gallagher?

- Uh, never heard of him.

- Allow me to introduce myself. Alistair huddleston.

Can I buy you a drink?

- Make it two.

To men.

- I work for "return to paradise project."

We're a transformational ministry

Specializing in conversion therapy.

We return homosexuals to healthy heterosexual lifestyles.

- Why would you go do that?

- We believe that homosexuality is curable.

Though some find pleasure in it, homosexuality is an addiction,

An addiction that tears families apart.

- I have a gay son. Never have to worry

About him impregnating some skanky neighborhood slut

And bringing home her unplanned-for half-breed.

I wish I'd known I was gay back then.

I could've risen high in any one of the many fields

Dominated by gays: Entertainment, politics,

Broadcasting.

Tennis.

- You're working for abraham paige's agenda?

- I'm cleaning up. Helping the oppressed.

- They're addicted, not oppressed,

And we can pay you more.

- How much more?

- Stipend, room, board,

And substantial speaking fees upon completion of therapy.

- [laughs] I draw the line at therapy.

- But, frank, see, without the therapy, there's no cure.

I want to be able to say we cured you.

- Gay is who I am now. Gay is who I shall be.

- Frank, you once walked the true path

Of heterosexual love.

If I were to redirect you back onto that path,

You'll be a much more compelling speaker for our cause,

Because you'll have been singed by the fires of hell,

But lived to tell.

Our therapy works.

It starts with aversion techniques,

Conditioning you to avoid certain gay-sex triggers.

Clinical fornication would start

Once you've practiced some of those techniques.

- Sorry, clinical fornication?

- We house you in the delacroix hotel

And deliver women to you to have sex with

Until you're cured.

- I-I-I'm sorry, I interrupted you. What--?

- We feel this is a lesser sin than sodomy.

I grant that this seems unconventional,

But new ideas are necessary to counter unwavering plagues.

We're paving a road back to god,

And the devil has erected obstacles

That call for rule-bending in service of a greater good.

- Throw in some walking-around money,

And I'll give it a shot.

- That whore that mickey's marrying

Is an actual whore that works at garden springs spa.

- Friends and family discounts on handy-js.

- Terry made mickey fuck her to fuck the gay out of him.

- When?

- After he caught us together.

- Dude, how did I not know this shit?

- I didn't tell you.

- Well, did it work?

- I mean, he might've faked it once or twice,

But he wants to be with me.

I know what he felt with me.

You can't fake that.

And now this chick is pregnant.

Ian, my brother, you need to get out there

And fuck someone new, okay?

And someone in his early 20s,

Not some old dude like kash or ned.

- [laughing] fuck you.

- All right, seriously, go into a gay bar,

Make your need known, and have at it.

- Mandy's upset you're upset about karen.

- Jesus. How many people is mandy talking to?

- She cares about you.

Why...I don't know. You can be a real shithead.

- [laughs]

[groans]

How did we get this mixed up

With two people from the milkovich family?

- Um...

Bad parenting. - Yeah.

[elevator bell dings]

- Prime rib for two?

- Right there. Yeah. Oh.

[phone ringing] oh, yeah.

- And here you go,

And here you go.

Mr. Gallagher? Please excuse my informality,

But I saw you on tv, and just,

On behalf of the entire gay community,

I want to thank you for putting yourself

In the crosshairs of this political issue.

I mean, it's courageous and inspiring.

Whatever you need while you are here...

- Uh... - Please, just do not

Hesitate to ask. - Ketchup.

- What? - Ketchup.

- Oh! Absolutely, yes.

Um, my name is jesus.

Do you need me to sign you up for any spa treatments or...

- Well, I'm wide open tomorrow,

Chockablock me some massages from sunup to sundown.

Throw in a facial.

- Ok--will do. [chuckles]

- Ketchup.

- Oh, right!

- Is it possible that my teeth

Will spontaneously straighten out on their own?

- Uh, jimmy's going back to medical school.

We can ask him to help.

- I need alcohol.

- Is your mom not pregnant again?

- Can't find her. Went to her house, her work.

She's avoiding me. Must be bad news.

- Think positive. - I've done that

For the past two months,

And every time she pees on the stick,

It's bad news, and then I get depressed

Thinking about my husband banging my mom,

'cause we selfishly want to have a baby with some of our dna--

And maybe my mom can't get pregnant anymore,

And we've crossed this line for no reason,

And every time I'm reminded it's not me banging my husband,

And it's not me peeing on the stick,

And it's not me that gets to have the baby!

- V, your mom wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for you.

Kev's only doing this because he loves you.

There'd be no baby without you.

They all love you so much. This is all about you.

So you're gonna get some wine, get the stick,

Get your mom in the bathroom, and if you get bad news,

Get drunk,

And we'll figure out what comes next.

- Who needs root beer float coffee?

- All of us.

I love you.

- Call me with the news. - Thank you.

- Debs, carl, bedtime!

- See these?

Can you buy me braces like you paid for carl's?

- Aw, debbie, they don't look so bad.

- Ee! - Shut up!

Yeah, if "not that bad" means one going this way

And one going that way, then, yeah.

Well, they add character.

- I have red hair, freckles, and crooked teeth.

Don't need any more character.

- Okay, listen, things are a little tight right now,

But I'll make it happen, soon. I promise, okay?

- So...

Medical school, huh?

- I...I mean, I put in a ton of work,

And I just got thinking that maybe I should go back

And finish what I started. I--

- I think it's great. - Really?

- Yeah.

You're smart, you care about people,

You're a good person. - Mmm.

- Getting carl braces, debbie braces,

Taking care of liam.

- Mmm. Mmm.

- Look how much you cared for all of us,

Without getting much in return.

- Hey, I get plenty in return.

- I'm behind you all the way. Mwah!

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

- 'cause I'm gonna need it.

Plenty of work. Plenty of hours.

- So where would you go?

University of chicago? Northwestern?

- Northwestern could work.

Yeah, just gotta check into it, but...

Plenty of options.

[baby coos] - "dr. Jimmy."

That'd be something, huh? [baby babbles]

[laughs] doctor!

- Hmm.

[big band music playing] [phone ringing]

♪

[knocking at the door]

- Hey.

- How's your room, frank? - Amenities need to be amended.

These mini-bottles are a little too mini.

I need to get some of the big boys up here.

- Will do.

I brought you some media that needs to be viewed

Before we can begin the conversion process.

- Okeydokey. I'll get started on this one pronto.

- You have been married before?

- Still am, but she never really floated my boat.

I did my husbandly duty to keep her happy,

But it was always without pleasure

Or joy. [groaning on the tv]

- Kids? - A few.

- So you have committed the loving act

Of heterosexual copulation?

- It was always under the influence, frankly.

Had to to get the plumbing to work.

- No, we think you just got sidetracked.

With your history of female contact,

We can begin the clinical fornication stage immediately.

- I doubt it'll work, but I'll give it my best efforts

If you think it might help.

[groaning on the tv]

- Hello, cuppers!

[cheers and applause]

My great-great-grandfather

Fought in the war between the states.

He came back from that war with one goal in mind:

To invent a disposable cup so he wouldn't have to wash...

All: "the same stupid cup every doggone time!"

- Good news! We have received approval...

- Hey, fiona, you play softball?

- Uh, no. - Never?

- Shh! Uncle matt's talking. - Mm.

- Nice job, vinny pitaro!

- Vinny! Vinny! - Hey, vinny!

[cheers]

- There he is! [laughs] [applause]

- So we have a team called "the cuppers,"

And I need you on the squad for tonight's game.

- Really, I'm--I'm--I'm terrible.

- Oh, "twas back before the millennium

When I last donned me cleats."

- What accent is that? - Uh, bad british, I think.

- Uh-huh. - [clears throat] yeah.

Both: [laugh] - ...Thousands of cups

At many a tailgate!

Go get 'em, cuppers! [cheers and applause]

- So come on, the league's coed,

So, you know, we need more ladies or we gotta forfeit.

All right, I get it. I get it. You're a doctor's wife.

You know, you gotta keep up appearances.

Can't have fun with your co-workers

Or a life for yourself. Totally understand.

- O-o-okay, fine. Text me where the field is,

And if I feel like blowing out a knee...

- [laughs] - I'll be there.

- All right! Hey, you're not gonna want to miss it, either.

We pop a pony keg of bud after.

- Just sayin'. - Just sayin'.

- Excuse me, do you know where I might

Be able to find frank gallagher?

- Best bet, nearest jail or gutter.

[laughs]

- Would you tell him that abraham is looking for him

And he can reach me at that number?

- Uh, I remember best when I'm tipped to do so.

Mr. Abraham, I will see to it that he gets your message.

- Thank you.

- Frank, this is scotty. - Hi, frank.

- Could you excuse us just one second? I--

I am not gonna stop fucking men

To start fucking women who look like men.

- This is a ministry, not a brothel.

The volunteers who are ready

Are teamed with others who are ready.

- Thanks for being here and doing this with me.

- Scotty's been with us for six months of hard, devoted work

Trying to overcome her lesbian tendencies.

You're going to help each other.

- It's been a long road, but I want to be right with god.

- As does frank. Don't you, frank?

- It's always good to have god in your corner.

- The goal of this stage is to stimulate one another,

And see if stimulation can lead to copulation and orgasm.

Okay, uh, you're anxious to go.

I'm gonna slip out before you slip off anything else.

- Is this really happening?

- God willing. The last time alistair

Brought a man in to see me, he left in tears

After I got undressed. Last time I shave everything.

- Scotty has been taking birth control,

But as an extra precaution against stds,

Please use the condoms

I provided for you in the bathroom.

Be like adam and eve, discovering one another

For the first time in the garden of eden--

Naked, discovering each other, bringing to each other

The pleasure that god intended for them.

No shame, no guilt, no knowledge of things

That distract us from god's love.

[marvin gaye's sexual healing playing]

- ♪ [whispering] get up, get up ♪

♪

♪ [whispering] wake up, wake up, wake up ♪

♪

- ♪ oh, baby, now, let's get down tonight ♪

♪

- Well, I must say, you have amazing cans.

- Shawna used to say that. - Who's shawna?

- Someone I'm trying to forget.

Will you please help me... Forget her?

- ♪ and, baby

♪ I can't hold it much longer

- Well, hello down there.

Both: [laugh]

- Oh, god wants this for us.

- You know what? Maybe-- maybe he's right.

If you were supposed to be a lesbian

And I was supposed to be gay,

He'd be limp,

And look, my loaf of bread riseth.

You ever felt one of those before?

- Never one this old.

- [laughs]

Thanks.

It's like a hickory tree. Gets stronger every year.

[yells] whoa!

- Hey. - Hey.

- You okay?

- Yeah. - You weren't at school today.

- Oh, no, I didn't make it.

- Karen?

- She's in pretty bad shape.

- You going over there later tonight?

- Uh...

I don't know.

I'm not really sure.

- Do you want me to come over later?

I missed you last night.

- Sure.

Yes, please.

- Okay, I'll see you later.

- Okay.

[funk music playing] - how's it going up there?

- Fine. - 'cause, you know,

I haven't seen your face for a while,

And you're not saying much.

- It's fine. - Okay, well,

I got an appointment that I've got to make,

So what can we do to get you where you need to be?

- Trying.

- Is there anything I could do to hurry it up?

- Not sure.

- What if you were to imagine that I'm angelina jolie?

- ♪ don't leave me hanging

- 'cause, you know, I got these people that need--

- Shut up please, angie!

[singing billy joel's just the way you are]

Both: ♪ I just want someone that I can talk to ♪

♪ I want you just the way you are ♪

♪ I need to know that you will always be-- ♪

- She hates that song.

[laughs]

I'm sorry. I'm really--

Look, I know you're here all day,

And you're just trying to wake her up.

I just think, you know, if you want to wake her up,

You should do shit she likes, not shit she hates.

She hates that.

- What do you think she would like?

- I don't know, uh, something else.

- I'm gonna go get some coffee.

- No, jody, look, I didn't mean to--

- No, man, you're--you're right.

You've been a good friend to her.

- [groans]

Any progress at all?

- Well, she flicks her toes sometimes,

But the doctor thinks it could just be reflexes.

- Right.

I'm sorry.

- Don't be sorry. I've often thought

Jody's musical repertoire could use some updating.

- No, uh, I'm sorry, I--

I wasn't very nice to karen...

The last time I saw her.

Actually, I, uh... I kind of ended it,

And I didn't do it very well,

And I don't want that to be the last she heard from me.

- It won't be.

We're thinking positive. Makes a difference.

She's gonna wake up.

And you didn't make her sad, lip.

She was so happy when she got that text from you.

She knew you were texting to make up.

You should've seen her light up.

- Text? - The night of the accident,

When she came to meet you.

I honestly think that she was so excited,

She just forgot to look both ways.

- Do you have karen's phone here?

- Um...

It could be with her things.

I think, um...

[laughter] [techno music]

♪

- ♪ ugh! Ugh!

♪ when you wake up in the morning ♪

- That's enough, girls! Walk away.

Renee, walk away.

I've been looking all over for you!

- My cell phone died. You didn't leave me a charger.

How'd you find me?

- I know people, frank.

I put the word out, they call.

I got you a better hotel.

This is for the embassy suites, north state street.

Finish your drink, head over, get dressed.

There's clean polos and khakis in the closet.

Your next gig is at the oscar wilde bookstore, tonight.

- Okay. - Look sharp.

- [laughs]

- Hey! I've been trying to find you.

- I've been avoiding you finding me.

- Mama. - I'm not feeling well,

And when I don't feel well, it's usually bad news.

- No, it could be good news.

The last two times, you felt fine,

And it was bad news, so maybe this time it's good news.

- No, I don't think so.

- Mama, I really appreciate all you've done

And continue to do for me.

- [sighs] give me the stick.

- Can I go with you this time? - No!

Bathrooms have doors for a reason.

I'll do the whizzing, you do the waiting.

Keep your hopes in check.

- All right, everyone grab your jackets,

It might be cold, and I don't want to wait for you.

- Get off! - Hey!

- Hi! Hungry?

Spaghetti and bread. I made them leave you some.

- Thanks. How was work?

- It was good. It was great, actually.

I got invited to play softball tonight.

- [laughs] you even own a glove?

- It's chicago-style softball. You don't need a glove.

- Look at you, trying to fit in. - Hmm.

I'm hoping they keep me around for a while.

Come with. It should be fun. We can grab a drink after.

You can meet everyone. - Cool.

Hey, I may have to spend some more time in michigan.

- What? - Med school--

Admissions department called and said

That I have to finish up there, or I lose a bunch of credits.

I can apply for schools here, but I'd basically

Have to start over and lose all the work I've already done.

It's only for a year.

I know it's a bit of a fly in the ointment,

But they're being really cool, letting me re-enroll.

- There's no other option? - Not really.

- What-- not really, or no?

- No.

- [scoffs]

Wow, that's... Wow.

- You can come with me. - To michigan?

- It's not that far.

- W--the kids?

- Yeah, sure, if you want.

- If I want? - Yes, yes, of course, them too.

- [chuckles]

- Look, there's details to sort through,

But they're all doable details, totally doable details.

- Uh-huh. Uh...

I have to get ready for softball.

- Attention, people! Kevin is gonna be a daddy!

- Holy shit! [cheers and applause]

Hooray!

[celebratory music playing]

[laughter] - really? Really?

- Look at the stick, people!

- Are you serious?

[cheers and applause]

Look at this stick! Look at this stick!

Be aware, for the rest of the night,

I am stirring cocktails with this stick!

[laughter]

- ♪ oh, it's a beautiful life

♪

- ♪ whoa, whoa whoa, whoa ♪

♪ whoa, whoa

- ♪ oh, it's a beautiful life

♪

[big band music playing]

- Frank, where the hell are you?

Call me.

[knocking at the door]

- Hey. - I can't believe you texted me

For a second go-round.

- Maybe I made a mistake coming back.

- No, no, no, no. Come on. - Mmm.

- We are heteros trapped in the demonic obsession

Of same-sex sin.

We must rid ourselves of the gay.

We just have to keep practicing.

- ♪ it's how you get up, then you fall ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Let's go, mike! Come on, bring us home!

- Fiona's so into softball, huh?

- We need more of that around here, connie.

Mike, end this thing! - Yeah, mike!

We don't have enough beer for extra innings.

♪

[cheers and applause]

- [screams]

[cheering and yelling]

[screams] [cheers and yelling]

Oh, my god! - [laughs]

- Put me down! Put me down!

[cheers and applause]

Beer! Let's get some beer!

- Should we be planning for the worst?

- She's been through a tremendous trauma,

But I've seen miracles. They do happen.

Just keep engaging with her,

Doing things she likes that might trigger her unconscious.

Let her know you're here.

- [sighs]

Sheila...

You should go home tonight, get some sleep.

Sheila,

I think we need to start taking turns

Getting some shut-eye in a real bed.

I think-- - please don't say that.

Please. - I'm not saying

She's not gonna wake up... - Jody--

- I'm just saying it's a marathon, not a sprint.

We gotta start taking care of ourselves, for karen.

- You're a prince, jody.

- [chuckles] stop.

- You're like a prince. - [chuckles]

- And I--I think that you're her prince.

When--when she was a little girl,

I would read to her from this old, old book of fairy tales.

They're dark, the old ones. They're twisted and scary,

And she would hold my hand and squeeze it really tight

When the witches and the poisoned apples--

And wait for the kiss of true love, and when it came,

She would smile and say "mama, read it again."

She grew up, and I took her prince.

You're hers.

- All right, cuppers, good game, guys. Thanks for having me.

- What? No, you--what? You've had, like,

A half of a beer. - Pound the rest of it, girl!

- Actually, that would be "half pounding" it. [laughs]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey, uncle matt's rules:

All cuppers get to come in two hours late

The day after a softball victory.

- Uncle matt encourages drunkenness. [laughs]

- Stop it. [laughs] - yeah, please, drink with us.

- I told my brother I'd only stay for a second.

Those little ones gotta be in bed before midnight.

- How many of those kids are yours?

- I birthed none, yet I'm responsible for all.

- Wait until you marry the doctor,

You'll have your own irish brood.

[laughter]

- Uh, go cuppers!

All: Go cuppers! [overlapping cheers]

- Finish that.

- Oh, thank you. Bye! All right.

- That must be the doctor.

- Mm-hmm.

- [laughs] - did I do that out loud?

- Yep. [laughs] - all right, guys,

Come on, come on, stop staring.

- Why? - Amateurs.

- Were we staring?

- How was the game?

- Walk-off win. I scored.

You knew, didn't you?

- Knew what? - Michigan.

You knew you were gonna have to move back from the beginning.

- What? No.

- Please don't be the guy who lies!

Please, don't be that guy.

- Yes...Probably. N-not for sure, but yes.

- I'm tired, dude. - Fiona.

Fiona! - [laughing] what?

- I need a change.

- From me?

- You know that's not what I meant.

- Clearly, I only know what you want to tell me

When you decide you want to tell it to me.

- I love you.

- Great.

- Debbie needs braces.

I'm making espressos, you're selling cups.

It's a year.

- Stop saying it like a year is nothing,

Like nothing can happen in a year,

Like being away from each other for a year wouldn't matter!

- Other people do it.

- I'm tired.

I gotta get up early in the morning.

Selling cups.

- Fiona?

I'm gonna be a great doctor.

- I'm not arguing that.

[indie rock music]

[clatter]

- [whispering] are you awake?

♪

[life support machine beeping]

[faster beeping]

[poi dog pondering's pulling touch]

♪

[faster beeping]

- [gasps]

[rock music]

♪

- Oh, give it to me, rihanna! Yeah! Oh, yeah!

- Open the door.

- Go! Almost there. Oh, almost there!

- Oh, my god.

- [grunts] - I-I can explain.

- Reparative therapy?

Jesus, get her out of here.

- But I can fix him.

I can try harder. - Get--!

- I can do it! - Jesus, get her out!

You let yourself be brainwashed by alistair huddleston

And his "return to paradise project" lunatics?

- I thought she was a he.

She was wearing pendleton plaid and combat boots.

Paul bunyan's blue ox would have been fooled.

All she needed was an axe.

- Jesus, lock the door.

[door latches] I'm gay!

Hey, jesus, wait. I'm gay.

I'm completely 100% gay.

- Good.

Now you're gonna prove it.

Boys.

[zippers unzipping]

I like to watch.

- Oh, boy.

I mean, oh, boy!

- So when you say you "went down--"?

- I went down and I went to town.

I chowed down on her like I was drinking from a cup of ambrosia,

And she came! She came to.

You gotta get the word out.

I found the cure to comas!

[techno music]

♪