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[water rippling]

MAN: One, two, three, four.

[MUSIC - "SING, SING, SING (WITH A SWING)"]

How about the paralegal?

Which paralegal?

The one at the beach!

Herb's son-in-law? No, no.

He's an idiot. - OK.

Look, I'm not ready yet.

UNCLE: How could you not be ready?

You'll be divorced in a month.

AUNT: All right, shush.

AUNT: So Danny, I hear you're selling trees now?

Yeah.

For the prom.

He's in charge of the whole thing.

Oh, yeah?

AUNT: Who are you taking?

- What? - Do you got a cute girlfriend?

Uh--

Friend. DANNY: Yeah, just a--

AUNT: A friend you're dating?

No.

Well, she's, um, been my friend for a long time.

- Not dating? - Not a date?

OK.

Leave him alone.

He's working on it.

UNCLE: That's a big night.

I lost my virginity that night.

DANNY: Yeah, well, I got a couple options.

[MUSIC - "SING, SING, SING (WITH A SWING)"]

Sokolov?

Too tall for you.

Like Big Bird tall.

Saperstein?

With the long chin?

What about Richter?

I'd go with Richter.

CRAIG: No, she's taken.

Who? CRAIG: Bart.

Yeah, right.

Seriously.

She's going with him.

Like, wait--

Yeah, she agreed to it.

With Bart?

Yep.

Bart Beeber?

CRAIG: It's probably just a sympathy thing.

Yeah, but I mean, that's like--

CRAIG: Dude, just forget it.

What about that sophomore you drive to school?

Alice.

Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking of her.

CRAIG: She's a cheerleader, so she's limber.

She's cute, yeah.

As a way to save face, you know.

I mean, we talk every day in the car, so--

You know what it comes down to.

The photo at the end of the night.

That's your proof.

And what do I do about Camille?

- What, if she asks? - Yeah.

Because, you know, I mean, we've been friends for,

I don't know-- - Dude.

- like eight, maybe nine years.

Dude, what other evening in your whole life is as big?

Maybe your wedding night, but who cares about that?

Odds are you're getting divorced anyway.

So what are you saying?

Are you here burning up in this humid lizardy bullshit to die?

Or are you here to live?

[engine whirring]

CHEERLEADERS (CHANTING): Be aggressive.

Be, be aggressive.

B-e a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e aggressive!

[cheering]

Hey.

Um, you sure don't want to come in?

Because you know, I could-- I could probably get you in.

No, it's fine.

I'll just hang out.

OK, well, you know, I'll just be-- just

be a few more minutes, so--

OK.

Yeah.

Gertie.

A night to remember.

Except-- and here's the catch-- with a k, for a medieval theme.

Yeah.

But with a k.

CAMILLE: Kurt.

Do you got anything?

Putting on the Ritz.

Putting on the Ritz, yeah.

I like that because it's simple.

Gertie!

We didn't-- we-- we didn't vote yet.

Uh.

What do you think?

This moment forever.

[music playing]

[car engine rattling]

So, um, do you know who you're taking yet?

Oh, you know, I'm just-- I'm just kind of waiting to see,

you know.

Just not with Camille or--

No. No.

No.

I mean, I-- I've got a couple options I'm working on,

you know.

Well, there-- there's this one girl.

Uh, uh, uh, I don't think you know her.

She's, um, well-- um, I'm just kind

of waiting for the right time to, uh-- I mean,

do you not like Camille?

No.

She's your platonic.

Look, this thing's about romance, you know?

I mean, you dress up.

You wear a flower.

You slow dance. DANNY: Well, well, yeah.

You know, that's-- I guess that's why I'm just trying

to wait to ask this one girl.

I mean, personally I think it would be so cool to go.

Like with anyone, or-- or just--

ALICE: Well, I mean, definite with a hi bye friend, not--

Well, no. Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

You know, I was telling Rhoda why so many seniors are losers

and why you're not.

First off, you are definitely more than a hi bye friend,

you know?

And you don't condescend to me.

This naive little sophomore that you take home.

Well, yeah, you know, seniors can be--

ALICE: I've been thinking about it,

and you know, the way I see it, you're kind of like your car.

You know?

I mean, seriously.

Your car isn't fancy, but you know, it's not ghetto.

And you're not a BMW, not a Mercedes,

but you're not a Chevy Metro either.

It's just this reliable old Buick.

[beeping and rattling]

ALICE: It doesn't need a lot of attention.

It's not like some macho machine that has to flaunt

all its features or something.

It's just there.

It's cozy.

I mean, could you imagine Friedman driving this thing?

Or Buchwald?

Don't you think that's true?

Don't you think your car totally represents

who you are in every facet?

[backfire]

[engine dying]

[bird call]

[mechanic sounds]

You know, I-- I feel kind of weird

because you were talking about how I'm like my car and now,

like--

No, Danny.

That doesn't apply now.

It's like if you bumped your arm or something.

That doesn't affect your personality

when you bump your arm.

Don't worry about it.

[music playing]

ERNIE: What? I just want to--

DANNY: No, Dad.

ALICE: No, sh.

Look, I want to hear this.

ERNIE: So both times I spoke on the phone to her,

she said she doesn't date over 40.

I'm 52.

So I lied.

I said I was 39.

But I mean--

That's OK.

I mean, yeah.

You look that anyway.

Yeah.

OK.

Because Danny's got that also.

We both have that boyish face.

OK.

Yeah.

Danny definitely has that.

[music playing]

[interposing voices]

[music playing]

ERNIE: I don't want to hear about it.

No. DANNY: Dad.

ERNIE: No, forget it.

I finally saw with my own eyes.

You would not believe the signs this girl was giving him.

I've never seen anything like it.

It was uncanny, how many signs she was giving him.

DANNY: Dad, she's a tease.

Y-- you don't know.

His problem is he's so insecure, he's blind.

Didn't you see the way she put her arm on your shoulder

like this?

All the time like this.

And what's with the lips.

Every time she's looking at him, she's licking her lips.

All right. Whatever.

I'll ask her.

What a person does with their body

when they're looking at you-- like if she's looking at you

and she opens up her body to you or twirls her hair

or moves her tongue or-- trust me on this.

This girl likes you.

I'm telling you.

She kissed you.

DANNY: She probably just wants to go as a sophomore.

She's using me.

Even if she did, who cares?

You're going to have a great picture.

I don't know what he's worried about.

He's got so much going for him.

He's vice president of his class,

first chair in the trumpet, not to mention honor society.

He came in third place at the Optimist Oratorical contest

last year.

[music playing]

BETH: Honey, did you want to meet Bob now?

Uh, just-- just give me a second.

BETH: Well, he's here and he's anxious to meet you.

BOB: I heard you're a real scholar.

BETH: I told him about your award.

BOB: I heard you're great on the trumpet.

All right.

Just, uh-- just give me a second.

[trumpet music playing]

[music playing]

[trumpet music playing]

[knocking]

I'll get that.

Hey.

Hey, it's not-- it's not that big a deal.

Just here.

Whatever.

- What is it? - Hi, Camille.

Hi.

How are you?

Wow, who is this?

Uh, Camille, this is Bob.

BOB: Any friend of Danny's is a friend of mine.

Sincerely, I mean that.

Well, I got to run, so--

Oh, well, gi-- give my love to your family.

OK.

[phone ringing]

Hello, this is Beth.

She's a doll, that Camille.

Hey, you're going to continue, right?

Yeah, just, uh--

[tires squealing]

[music playing]

Oh, shit.

CAMILLE (VOICEOVER): Danny, I have a feeling you

and I are thinking the same thing here.

So I'm just going to come out and say it.

If you think back on how much we've shared together since we

were little kids, it almost seems funny that we've avoided

the inevitable up until now.

Maybe you have other plans.

And if you do, I'll cut you some slack.

The bottom line is, you're my best friend no matter what.

And I think it would be so much fun if we

went together to the prom.

[doorbell]

Danny!

Hi, honey.

How are you?

Oh.

DR. GOODSON: Who is that, Danny?

It's Danny, honey.

Hey, Danny.

How's it going?

Eat dinner yet, Danny?

Uh, I think my mom made me a tuna sandwich, yeah.

What? No!

Come on, you'll have dinner with us.

No.

When's the last time you had a whole family dinner, huh?

What?

Why is that rude?

MRS. GOODSON: You know Mr. Wiener?

Mr. Wiener?

MRS. GOODSON: Sweet guy.

Little bald.

I think I'm going to introduce your mother to him.

Oh yeah?

Honey, wait.

Are you talking about that crook Wiener?

No. He's not good for Beth.

MRS. GOODSON: What, you don't think Wiener's good for Beth?

Oh.

You finally got some sun in your cheeks.

You look good.

Because you know, you looked a little pale

the last time you were here.

DR. GOODSON: How's your father?

MRS. GOODSON: Mm, yeah.

How's he doing?

He settled in yet?

Uh, yeah.

Well, you know, he just got that place on the beach, so--

DR. GOODSON: Mm.

Rashbaum showed him that property.

MRS. GOODSON: Oh, yeah, right. Right.

On Dania Beach.

DR. GOODSON: Hm.

Nice place.

Simple.

So when's he moving in?

Uh, I-- I think he's moving in in like a week.

He's a good egg, your father.

Hey, Danny.

Do you want to see Camille's dress?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's bad luck. Forget it.

Mom.

He's going to see it later anyway.

Show him the dress.

MRS. GOODSON: Should I show him the dress?

Mom. MRS. GOODSON: What?

You don't want me to show him the dress?

DR. GOODSON: It's a beautiful, beautiful dress.

It's beautiful.

DANNY: My parents aren't talking to each other at all now.

It's like now I'm in the middle of their debates

about, you know, money.

Or it's just-- I don't know.

We should try to get the same dorm next year.

Look, Danny, just--

What?

You know what. I mean--

Because, like, you're one of my best friends,

you know, and I don't want to--

CAMILLE: No, I know.

I just thought because it's in a few weeks

so, you know-- and you don't have a confirmed date yet.

BRITTANY: Hey, guys.

CAMILLE: Oh my god.

BRITTANY: What?

CAMILLE: You are disgusting!

What? He's like a brother.

Get out!

Ow!

Mom!

Camille just threw a marker at me!

CAMILLE: Shut up, Brittany.

Just get out.

No, you shut up, you nerdy bitch.

MRS. GOODSON: What's going on?

She's such a little slut.

She's always trying to flirt with my friends.

Oh, shut up, you geek.

You wish you could flirt with my friends.

CAMILLE: Uh.

Just whatever, OK?

Whatever.

MRS. GOODSON: What is the problem?

CAMILLE: He's taking Alice Stryer, this random sophomore

he takes to school.

MRS. GOODSON: Random sophomore?

DANNY: Well, it-- it's just I've been building up

this relationship for a while now,

and I've been waiting to ask her.

I mean, she's like-- I don't know,

she's like really the only person I'm thinking about.

Seriously.

Honestly.

I mean, my mind is totally set on her.

[dramatic music playing]

MRS. GOODSON: But you and Camille are best friends.

I mean, that's what this is all about.

It's the culmination of your high school memories.

I mean, who better to share that with than your best friend?

CAMILLE: Mom.

I don't care, you know?

He's taking someone else.

I won't go.

MRS. GOODSON: You're not going?

What do you mean, you won't go?

DR. GOODSON: What's going on?

MRS. GOODSON: She's not going!

CAMILLE: I don't mind, all right?

I mean, I mind if, I don't know, he was taking Brittany.

[crash]

It's silly.

I mean, you and Camille have known

each other for eight years.

What could this girl possibly offer that Camille couldn't?

[music playing]

You know, I-- I thought about it,

and yeah, I think it could be a lot of fun.

And-- and-- um, you know, I know it's

totally, totally last second.

And-- and if you need help with a dress or something,

I could help you pay for it, or, um--

because you know, I already got the tickets and the, um--

ALICE: Danny, um, did you think that we

were like romantically--

Well, no.

No.

I don't-- I don't know.

Some signs, maybe.

Signs?

What signs?

Well, you know, I-- I guess, you know, like now here,

you know, with the ice cream.

Wait, the ice cream?

Well, you weren't just looking at me,

you know, and-- and licking the ice cream and like--

Yeah, Danny.

I was looking at you and I was licking my ice cream.

This is how I eat my ice cream.

I mean, how do you eat your ice cream?

Uh, last week you kissed me.

I mean, you know--

ALICE: Yeah.

You're a big brother to me.

You take me to school.

You're my carpool.

Well, um-- well, you said you wanted to go.

I-- I mean, I thought you were, you know--

Yeah, but not--

I don't understand.

I mean, you can't go with a friend?

This is just so weird.

This is like the total "Twilight Zone."

Danny, I just can't believe that you thought that.

That is just so deranged.

[music playing]

How was she licking?

Because if she was showing your tongue but not looking at you--

No, no, Dad.

She was looking at me.

She doesn't have that wandering eye thing?

Because you know, that can be tricky.

DANNY: Dad. Dad.

She doesn't have that.

Well, what about the feet?

No.

Just hear me out.

Because the feet can cancel all other signs.

Like if her toes are pointed toward the door,

that cancels all other signs.

Dad.

I wasn't watching her toes, all right?

Look, she could have been doing that in the car ride.

Because you know, I couldn't see her feet.

Also she buckled her seat belt at one point,

so that could have been like a guarded gesture.

Thank you.

Whoops.

I think he has to go to the bathroom here.

Oh.

Sure.

Of course.

[child crying]

All right.

Just a quick side note here.

What do you think? - Dad.

I don't know, all right?

I'm not going to lie to you.

This baby thing is a major pain in the ass.

But attractive, intelligent, fun.

And she's got a nice behind on her.

I mean, what do you think?

You're an ass man.

- Dad. - What?

- It's weird. - What?

What's weird?

It's weird advising my dad on his girlfriend's ass.

It's not natural.

I got my own crisis here.

Danny.

It's the times, OK?

Everybody's going through this.

I mean, most kids are advising their parents these days.

[car engine]

[tires squealing]

[music playing]

DANNY: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States

of America, and to the republic for which it stands,

one nation under God, indivisible with liberty

and justice for all.

Will everyone please be seated?

Want to remember your prom night forever?

You can, by capturing that perfect moment

with a prom photo.

Preorder your photos from the hours of 12:00 and 1:00.

Congratulations are in order to Dawn Dwiggins for being

crowned this year's prom queen.

Varsity cheerleader, Dawn exemplifies true school spirit

and gives her time generously to help with the Key

Club and the Geriatric Society.

[music playing]

CRAIG: Kaplan.

Klebban.

ABBY: Who do we know at Nova?

CRAIG: Clinger.

ABBY: I bet there would be someone at Nova.

CRAIG: Who?

Klinkin.

Kotch.

ABBY: Wait a minute.

CRAIG: Kushner.

ABBY: I got it.

Danny, you so owe me.

But there's no one cute at No-- dude.

Am I right?

You remember that boyfriend of hers?

Was he anything?

Hey, Marcie.

What's up?

You did?

No.

You horn dog.

We have to click though, right?

No.

He didn't.

Well anyway, we got a new guy for you.

Yeah.

Craig's friend.

He just broke it off with his girlfriend

so, you know-- and he just wants someone to go to the prom with.

You know, someone who can totally party.

Yeah, he's-- blue eyes, tall.

Yeah, he's cute.

Like quirky cute.

Yeah.

Yeah?

All right.

So you know, you'll just go in the limo with us

and-- and we'll totally pre-party.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah.

I've been tanning for like three weeks now.

So--

Um, find out what time.

OK, yeah.

No.

Just-- he'll take you to dinner, yeah.

Just call me afterwards, you know, if you want to back out

so there's like no pressure.

See, OK.

There's the fine print, right?

OK.

7:00 at Padrino's.

I'll tell him to make reservations.

Yeah. 7:00 sharp.

OK.

Call me afterwards, all right?

All right.

Bye.

CRAIG: Score.

You're going with Marcie Pine, dude.

Wait a minute.

She still has to see me.

ABBY: Yeah, well, you know, just look nice.

Like, wear one of Craig's vests or something,

and just be yourself.

CRAIG: Yeah, just be yourself.

Yeah.

And whatever you do, don't be late.

[music playing]

MRS. GOODSON: Honey, I don't like that table.

Find us a nice booth.

Not too cold.

DR. GOODSON: Of course.

Danny?

Was I not just asking about him?

DR. GOODSON: Just about.

MRS. GOODSON: Hi, honey.

Hey.

How are you?

Who you here with?

You know, I'm just-- just waiting for a friend, yeah.

Oh, someone we know?

Oh, no.

He's just, you know, kind of like-- kind

of like an old friend. DR. GOODSON: Of course.

Oh, gee. Look who's here.

Molensk.

MRS. GOODSON: Oh, you're kidding.

DR. GOODSON: Yeah.

MRS. GOODSON: Who's he with?

Hold on.

I'll be right there.

Camille's supposed to meet us here.

Camille?

And I just want to talk to you before she comes.

I should probably check outside.

I just want you to know that you

don't have to worry about any sort of ego thing

if you ask her now.

She'll still go with her.

Like her sister was even asked to this thing, and it's just--

the whole thing is so humiliating for her.

Look, I'm just-- I have-- let me just

go see if my friend's here.

I'll be right back.

Marcie?

Oh, shit.

CAMILLE: Danny! - Camille.

How's it going.

This is so weird.

Are you-- are you eating here? - Yeah.

I was just talking to your mother inside.

I think she's waiting for you.

Who are you here with?

I'm meeting a friend.

Do I know him?

Uh, no.

Um, no.

He's just kind of like an old camp friend, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Like a camp counselor or something?

Yeah.

Uh, just some dude.

[music playing]

Was your mom expecting you now, or--

CAMILLE: She can wait.

DANNY: Yeah, she can wait.

[music playing]

CAMILLE: Oh, I was going to ask you.

What did you put for where a hydroxide ion is highest at?

Uh, I think I skipped that one.

Why would you skip that one?

You had like a 50-50 chance.

Uh, well, I don't know.

CAMILLE: Because I put at a high pH number, so--

Uh, excuse me.

Do you guys have the time?

CAMILLE: Um, yes.

It's 10 after 7:00.

Son of a bitch.

CAMILLE: Yikes.

[music playing]

[car engine]

DANNY: Wait, what do you mean she won't?

I was there, I-- disrespectful?

I was just going to be a few more minutes.

All right.

OK, fine.

[music playing]

I got a room.

Maynard got one.

Sternberg.

Lipschitz.

Lipschitz, yeah.

Buchwald.

Buchwald?

Buchwald.

Bart. - No.

- And um-- - Wait.

What?

Bart?

Yeah.

Bart?

Why?

Bart got a room?

Dude, get a room.

What's your problem?

I mean, when you find your date, you're going to want one

at least as a place to crash.

To crash, yeah.

Believe me.

You'll want a room.

The whole world's getting rooms.

Honey?

You want to skip a day from your tan and go to the zoo

with Harry and me?

You hate the zoo.

I like it now.

CRAIG: I can't.

The thing's in three weeks.

All right.

Just checking.

My mom's getting like that, too.

Yeah.

Takes about a year to adjust, you know.

Basic family transition.

Babe, I'm thinking the limo should go to Stein's first.

How much is that going to be now?

How much for the limo?

A piece.

$400, right?

A piece?

$400 for the six of us.

Six of us?

Well, if we can't get it, you know, we won't do it.

There's always getting drunk.

Because I mean, that's-- that's-- that's like $135,

right?

Well, do you want me to get it?

Because I can try and get it.

And if we can't get it, we won't do it.

Because that's-- I mean, dude--

Yeah, yeah.

Stein and his date's going to drink with us, too.

Yes.

Hon, hon, hon.

I'm telling you, drinking is still good.

BETH: Your father should be doing this.

DANNY: He's doing the tickets and the tux.

BETH: Well, I'm sorry.

But a room here and a limo's a lot more than a cheap tux

and two tickets.

DANNY: Well, who says I'm getting a cheap tux?

Believe me.

With your father, you're getting the cheapest.

Well, then can you talk to him?

I'm not talking to him.

Can't you guys just work it out?

No.

Because see, I'm going to be out like $330 for this thing.

And he's out, what, $200?

You need to tell your father he needs to take on the limo, too.

Seriously.

Because I can't--

Mom, please.

He doesn't have it.

Truth is, you shouldn't be getting a hotel room.

I never got a room.

Mom, wouldn't you rather know that I'm-- that I'm safe

here than out on the road afterward,

driving around exhausted?

I thought that's why you have a limo.

Well, yeah, but I mean, that's still

like we're out on the street.

Look, Mom, everyone is getting a room here at the Embassy

Suites, all right?

Sherman, Willans.

It's not a big deal.

Well, it is when your father doesn't help.

Mom.

Bart got a room.

Bart got a room?

Hi, can I help you?

We need a room.

For the 15th.

For the 15th, please.

Single, double?

Single.

Single?

Anyway, Bob's coming over tomorrow.

He's taking us out for nice Italian

and then we're taking a walk on the beach.

The beach, with Bob?

Honey, do you want your mom to have some financial stability

in her life or not?

All right.

I'm going to be reading some of your journal entries,

and I'm not going to tell you who wrote them until the end,

OK?

"Lost in the ocean.

The waves carry me free.

The sea kelp caressing my sensitive bosom.

Take my fragile floating nakedness to the warmest blues.

Make me blush with your splashes, your crashes,

your flume, spew, your white, bubbly breath,

your sensitive touches.

Fill my every essence and I shall

shiver with ecstasy, splashing forever

upon your delicate face."

Debbie Yang.

[angel chorus music]

Here's another one.

"This great big silence like an empty void,

like as if nothing ever mattered,

like as if nobody ever cared.

Where could it go?

The respect of two people who laughed all the time,

who were forever a team?

So unappreciated is the serenity before the fall,

before the fierce winds of doubt come to call.

Often, I feel alone, split in two, yearning for my family

when my life is so new."

Danny Stein.

[angel chorus music]

[bell ringing]

ERNIE: I don't understand.

After class, she asked you to dinner from a journal entry?

Well, no.

I asked her to study first.

And then she asked you to dinner?

Well, with her whole family.

So I mean, I think she felt bad for me or something.

I don't really know.

That's amazing.

You need my car?

Uh, yeah.

That would be great.

And if you want to take her back here?

Yeah, no.

Well, she invited me to her place, so, you know--

Because, you know, I want you to feel

like this is your place. - Yeah.

No.

That's all right.

In fact, that's-- I'm getting you an extra set

of keys in case you ever want to take

a girl back here for whatever.

That's why I got a whole separate room.

Well, the-- the walls are kind of thin though, no?

Thin?

Well, I mean, you could probably hear

everything in the other room.

No, no, no.

These are good walls.

Well, just because, you know, if you had a woman too, it--

it just could be kind of weird.

Well, if she were screaming, but I think

it would be pretty quiet.

Or you know, I could just take off.

I could leave. - No.

You shouldn't have to leave.

Well, go in the other room and let's see.

Because I want you to come by a lot.

- Wait, in the other room? - Yeah.

Just close the door and make sounds

like you're with someone, and I'll sort of-- All right?

DANNY: Well?

You did it?

Yeah.

ERNIE: All right.

No.

I was talking.

Do it again.

[moaning]

And, uh, this time do it at different levels.

[moaning]

Like start-- start soft and then get--

start soft and then go up.

Well, I did it twice already.

At different levels?

Yeah.

All right, look.

I'm going to call out one to 10 and I'll get louder each time.

My one will sound like this.

Ah.

All right?

Yeah.

ERNIE: And you tell me what number you hear me at.

DANNY: All right.

Just make sure your numbers are even,

though, so it's like a control.

How do you mean?

DANNY: Announce the numbers at an even volume.

ERNIE: Oh, good.

All right.

Um, can you hear me?

DANNY: Yeah. ERNIE: All right.

Don't respond now.

Just hold out until I completely finish.

One.

Ooh.

Two.

Ooh.

Three.

Ooh.

Four.

Oh yeah.

Five.

Oh, that's it.

That's it.

Six.

Oh my god!

Don't stop!

Seven.

Oh!

Oh my!

Oh!

Oh my!

Eight.

Don't stop!

Don't Stop!

Nine.

Yeah!

10.

Give it to me!

[car engine]

[music playing]

BETH: Well, I showed the house three times last week.

I know.

Things are a little-- they're a little slow.

But I'm sure after the open house,

we're going to have some buyers. - Hi!

So good to see you!

I know.

So you just tell that adorable Maxy-poo I said-- send my love,

OK?

All right.

Bye, darlin'.

Hey, honey.

Hey, I can't have dinner with you tonight.

Why? What do you mean?

It's Sunday.

Japanese or Italian.

I can't.

I'm having dinner and studying for a trig test

with a classmate, OK?

Hi, Lola.

Which property?

Did you see these?

This is the third time this week he's sent me e-roses.

I will see you at three o'clock, OK?

All right.

Bye. - Look, Mom.

I got to run, OK?

We'll just take Dad's Wednesday next week.

Are you asking this study partner to the prom?

Sh.

I guessed it, didn't I? Don't worry.

I won't jinx it.

Who is she?

You don't know her.

Do I know her family?

I'm pretty sure no.

[speaking chinese]

[speaking chinese]

[music playing]

So, um, I'm not-- I'm not really

good with these kind of things.

Um, I, uh--

You need a date for the prom.

How did-- yeah.

Yeah.

I'll go with you.

You will?

Wa-- wa-- are you serious?

Wait, really?

I had a feeling you were going to ask that.

I think we'd have a good time.

Totally.

Yeah.

I do have to keep it a secret, though, since my parents

would never want me to go.

No.

Totally understand, yeah.

We could sneak you out or something.

And this really isn't a big deal,

but I do kind of have this long distance relationship.

So we couldn't get, like, intimate on the dance

floor or anything. - No, right.

Yeah. Of course.

Yeah.

DEBBIE: Because that could always get back to him.

In-- in-- in case, you know people,

might see that and-- and tell him, yeah, on the dance floor.

And I wouldn't want to take any pictures because they could

always get in the wrong hands.

I mean, if he saw that?

Yeah.

Right.

That's, uh-- well, um, even if you, like,

held the negatives and, um--

And actually in general, I wouldn't want

to be seen walking in together.

In fact, I'd rather not be seen walking

around at all, just in case.

So like, uh--

DEBBIE: But I mean, we could always

meet up afterwards at some post party in someone's room.

Because I think Bart got a room.

[loud gong]

[music playing]

CAMILLE (VOICEOVER): "Danny, you're my best friend,

and I just think it would be so much fun if we

went together to the prom."

Guess what's around the corner?

Prom.

The senior class is looking for suggestions

for original party favors.

Past favors included candy baskets and pens.

Come to room 403 to cast your vote.

There is romance in the air.

Can you feel it?

Don't wait the night of prom to give your special someone

a special treat.

Show her how much you really care with a Spring Gram.

The way I see it, I think this Camille can be

your decoy to get other women.

What do you think about that?

Mom, I just saw a lizard in the house.

It's fine. They eat ants.

It's fine.

Look. See?

Look here.

Scott Cecil.

He was nothing special.

Wow.

You look different.

Your face. - OK.

Anyway.

Camille's your best friend, so--

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

I don't want to forget the gift I got Danny.

Hold on.

Why did he get me a gift?

I don't know.

I think he's thinking about--

- Proposing? - Sh.

Please.

Don't say--

Thank you.

Uh, what is it?

Go ahead and open it.

I figured you needed one, so--

Oh, isn't that thoughtful?

Uh, yeah.

Well, thank you.

I figured it would save you some money.

It'll save his father some money.

OK.

Well, let's get going.

Bye, Danny.

Yeah.

Ha-- have a good time.

[music playing]

[sweet music playing]

[music playing]

[knocking]

Hey, kid.

I didn't know if you had company or not.

No.

No, no, no, no.

What's up?

What if we're supposed to be happy with the middle ground?

Just like what if-- now, hear me out on this--

what if we're supposed to find peace in a little boredom,

you know?

I mean, maybe that's better than always having

to search for something else.

I mean, really, what's wrong with a little boredom?

Would you like some Cherry Garcia?

I've got that.

I've got Chubby Hubby.

Dad, are you listening?

Because like, what if, like, you and Mom just stuck it out?

I mean, even if it was boring after a while?

You guys would still be together, don't you think?

ERNIE: I'm giving you Chubby Hubby.

It's got pretzels, all right?

Yeah.

But seriously, what's the deal?

It's complex.

There was nothing keeping us together.

Look, every kid wishes their parents get back together,

but it's not realistic.

We've moved on.

Anyway, I-- I decided I'm going to ask Camille.

You know, I figure we can always just hang out and play

Boggle in the room after.

Boggle's good.

At least you get to go.

I never went.

I mean, look, she's my best friend.

I know at the very least, we'll have fun.

Look, having a date is good.

Anyway, uh, we don't have to pay for a bow tie now, so--

How's that?

No.

Well, Bob got me one.

What?

This Bob guy got you a bow tie?

I'm getting you a bow tie, thank you very much.

DANNY: Yeah.

Well, you know, he got me one, so now we

don't have to get a cheap one.

No, no, no.

I'm getting you a very nice bow tie.

What, this Bob guy is your father all of a sudden?

Well, Mom thinks he might propose.

[opera music playing]

So I've got this new woman I'm excited about.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

We're compatible.

She's not at all materialistic.

She's into camping.

So--

That's cool.

Any kids? - Two kids.

Both married.

Yeah.

So I haven't-- you know, I haven't actually seen her yet.

But she described herself to me.

So you know--

Does she sound nice?

Yeah.

Well, I-- I haven't actually heard her yet.

She-- this is on the internet.

Chat room?

Hm.

Fast typer?

Yeah.

Pretty fast.

Well, that's cool.

Yeah.

I'll see her in a couple of nights.

So you know, she may turn out to be hideous.

But at this point, you know.

SALESMAN: All right.

Here we go.

Good.

Try it on.

[music playing]

BETH: Thanks for trying it on for us.

BOB: Hon, we got to get going.

We got that court reserved at noon.

BETH: What time is the limo coming?

7:00.

Mrs. Goodson said she's going to keep Camille at the house

until I get there.

It's going to be a big surprise, you know.

We figure it'll at least keep some sort of special--

BOB: You know, I can't wait anymore.

I'm coming in!

[doorknob rattling]

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You look really sharp.

Oh, you look so handsome.

Woo!

Camille is going to be so impressed.

Honey, why don't you go start the car

and I'll be out in one second?

Hey, listen, you have a good time.

Enjoy it.

You deserve it.

OK.

Thank you.

I think he's going to propose tonight.

What? Are you serious?

Yeah.

Are you going to say yes?

Well, look, he's financially secure.

He's got a big heart.

And I'm 43.

You're 45.

44.

And you hang it up so it doesn't wrinkle.

And your corsage is in the fridge.

When are you picking up Camille?

7:15.

Oh, gosh.

Have an amazing time.

She's your best friend.

You're going to have fun, OK?

Have fun.

[water running]

[music playing]

Craig.

CRAIG: What's up, dude?

I was calling.

Your phone's off.

CRAIG: Yeah, I know.

Anyway, I decided I'm just going to accept my fate.

I mean, Camille and I, we're going to have a good time.

We will. You know, we'll get drunk.

We'll Make fun of people.

Good, clean fun.

So anyway, I-- I'm thinking when the limo comes,

I can swing by hers first and surprise her?

Yeah.

We'll just, you know, come by and pick you

and Abby up at 7:30, all right?

CRAIG: Well, uh, you can't do that now.

What do you mean?

CRAIG: Well, you can't go with her now.

Um, I'm going with her now.

Yeah, right.

You're going with Abby. CRAIG: No.

Abby can't go, so I asked Camille.

What do you mean, she can't go?

CRAIG: She got these bad sun blisters.

Sun blisters?

CRAIG: Yeah.

Hurts her to move.

So wait.

I don't-- you what?

CRAIG: Sorry.

I didn't realize--

You-- are you serious?

You asked Camille?

CRAIG: You weren't going to go with her.

And besides, you know, I happen to think she's, uh, attractive.

You know, in a quirky sort of way.

Well--

I'm sorry, dude.

I didn't think you were going to ask her.

Well, wh-- well, what about that non-refundable deposit

my mom put down on the limo?

Well, you know, we didn't talk about that for a while, so I

just assumed you cancelled it.

I'm sorry.

All right. Well, listen, dude.

I got to get ready.

This is a big night for me.

Hi, Danny.

Hi.

[music playing]

[bird call]

[music playing]

[laughter]

Did you get it?

MRS. GOODSON: One, two, three.

Camille?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sorry, Danny.

I didn't know.

So, like, you're going with Craig now?

Yeah.

He-- he's going to be by in like half an hour.

We're going as friends, so--

No, that's great.

I mean-- it's pretty much set, huh?

I'm sorry.

DANNY: No, no, no, I'm sorry.

I've got like $600 in this thing now, you know, between the limo

and-- and the tux and the corsage and the tickets

and, well, this hotel room I got.

You said you were going alone and I

was going to surprise you.

I mean, I-- I wanted to--

CAMILLE : Whoa.

Well, I mean, I've got a date now.

So--

You said in your card you were going to wait.

CAMILLE : Well, Danny, did you expect me to wait

for you like some puppet or--

DANNY: Well, no, but--

I mean, did you honestly think that if I

was given the opportunity, I wasn't going to take it?

Especially in response to your deceit?

Deceit?

Wait, what are you talking about?

No, I was honest with you from the beginning.

Oh, bullshit, you were honest.

I mean, you told me you only had eyes for that stupid sophomore.

You just didn't want to go with me.

DANNY: No, no, that's-- no.

I actually wanted to go with you from the start.

Craig, he was-- he was brainwashing me.

He-- he was--

God, you're in control of your own life.

Look, I really have to go, OK?

I know.

Anyway, uh, you look really nice,

and, um, I guess-- I mean, I just wish-- I'm-- I'm sorry.

Yeah.

[beeping]

[music playing]

[bike wheels squeaking]

[music playing]

[phone beeping]

Minda. Hey.

It's Danny Stein.

You remember me?

Uh, no.

We met at that debate tournament and-- and you were making

fun of that coach, Ms. Hoyt. Yeah, yeah.

You thought it'd be-- you thought it'd be hilarious

if you named her kid Ash because then you'd have to go

around saying my Ash Hoyt.

Francine. Hi.

I-- I was in "The Phantom Tollbooth"

with you in the sixth grade.

I played the Dodechahedron.

Hello? Jodie, hey.

Yeah.

It's your cousin Danny.

Yeah, hey.

Well, I was wondering what you were doing tonight.

Oh, you are?

Um, well, what's aunt Joy doing?

Is she-- oh, OK.

Well, um, I gotta--

[cheering]

I gotta go.

[music playing]

[cheering]

[music playing]

[doorbell]

Come on, Dad. Pick up.

[doorbell]

Come on.

[music playing]

[doorbell]

Some of our chat sessions were just-- I feel

like we've had sex already.

Yeah, well, pretty much.

Just once, I'd like to live out the fantasies

without a computer.

Like, personally, I always wanted

to lead a guy into the forest after a light drizzle

and just rip off each other's clothes.

And-- and you would be on top.

And my bare body rubbing up against

the moist, slippery soil.

And there would be like a layer of-- of damp leaves.

And as we hold each other tight, pumping away, back and forth,

back and forth, the leaves would be sticking

all over my naked body and--

[loud buzzing]

You have a phone call.

Your phone. It's vibrating--

Oh.

- on.

I'm sorry.

I really should take this.

It's my son here.

What's up?

Dad, I've been calling you for the last 15 minutes.

I'm in the middle of dinner.

DANNY (ON PHONE): No.

I know.

It's just--

This woman is fantastic.

DANNY (ON PHONE): Dad, listen.

For once, I feel like I'm making a connection here.

Dad, listen to me!

ERNIE (ON PHONE): What?

I-- I'm a loser.

You're not a loser.

What-- what are you talking about?

DANNY (ON PHONE): Dad, just face it, all right?

Just, I--

Why, because you're going with Camille?

No. I'm not going with Camille now.

Craig's going with Camille.

And the thing's in an hour and I've got the chauffeur here,

and-- and-- I'm not-- I don't have a car.

I'm not going to show up in a limo by myself.

I mean, it's ridiculous.

Calm down, will you?

Why is she going with Craig?

Hasn't he had that same girlfriend since third grade?

No.

She got these bad sun blisters.

Sun blisters.

DANNY (ON PHONE): Dad, my whole world's caving in,

and it's just-- because like the entire senior class

has managed to get dates now.

And-- and-- and they all have rooms, too.

I mean, the whole class.

Sherman and Buchwald.

Dad, Bart got a room.

Bart got a room?

Let me see what I can do.

Hold on.

God, I feel terrible.

But it's an emergency.

No, no, don't worry.

If it's an emergency.

- It's my kid. - God, of course.

I really want to make this up to you.

Could we get together again, like tomorrow?

[music playing]

Is he hurt?

No.

Actually, it's the senior prom.

I got to help find him a date.

You-- you're kidding, right?

No.

It's just that he's counting on me, so--

OK, well could you at least drive me home?

Um, sorry.

You're going to have to take a cab.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

[music playing]

[tires squealing]

Kill him.

I'm going to kill him.

You know, because I always wanted

to go with Betsy McMillan.

And that was-- see, that was the problem from the start.

Betsy.

[music playing]

[car horns]

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

Yeah, Dad?

ERNIE (ON PHONE): All right, break

down the necessities here.

One, someone near the Bonaventure, right?

There's got to be lots of women around there.

Two, they've got to be dressed nice.

I mean, that's got to be important.

Now, look for women who could be dressed

for a prom, which means what?

We need someone in formal wear.

[music playing]

Coming through.

Coming though.

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

Yeah.

What do you got?

Uh, uh, brown hair, brown eyes.

DANNY (ON PHONE): How old?

I don't know.

Maybe 12?

Could pass for 13? 14?

No.

No, no, no.

That's too-- Dad, that's too young.

All right.

OK, got a five footer.

Big hair.

Lots of make up. - How old?

ERNIE (ON PHONE): Maybe 35.

35?

All right, calm down.

Calm down.

Don't panic.

Just-- Jesus.

[music playing]

You a cop, honey?

Uh, no.

I, uh-- no, I'm here for my kid.

How much you got?

Oh, yeah.

I, uh-- uh-- uh.

OK.

[music playing]

[tires squealing]

PROSTITUTE: So, uh, how old is your kid?

He's, um, he's 17.

18.

He's 18.

Uh, just turned, actually.

What's it, his birthday or something?

Uh, no.

[phone ringing]

ERNIE (ON PHONE): OK, she's going to meet

you at the front entrance.

Don't ask any questions.

[music playing]

ERNIE: Um, how, um-- how do I know that you're not-- because,

you know, that could be awkward.

What does that feel like?

OK.

That's it.

[music playing]

[chatter]

[music playing]

Stein?

[music playing]

Tickets, please?

Yeah.

Uh.

That's all right.

I know you got 'em.

[music playing]

Wait a second.

What is this?

It's the, um-- it's the prom.

I don't do proms.

What do you mean, you don't do proms?

I just don't do proms, honey.

Well--

[music playing]

PHOTOGRAPHER: On three, looking right here please.

Steady one, two, and three.

One more time.

Just follow me.

Yeah, there you go.

Nice.

Can you twist a little more towards me?

That's it.

Big smile.

Thank you.

Next?

[music playing]

PHOTOGRAPHER: Thank you.

Next?

Step down.

[music playing]

[flush]

[music playing]

Danny.

Bart.

Did you hear what happened?

What?

They overbooked the hotel.

I didn't get a room.

No?

I got a suite.

[music playing]

What happened?

Doesn't do proms.

Can I buy you a drink?

Yeah, all right.

What are you having?

Vodka tonic.

You want a vodka tonic?

Yeah, sure.

Hey.

How's it going?

Fuck you.

Not a good sign.

Yeah.

Not so good.

Well, look at it this way.

It can't get any worse.

OK.

Well, actually.

Mom.

What's going on?

What are you doing here?

What's he doing here?

Hello, Beth.

Ernie.

I drove over because you left the tickets at the house.

Yeah, actually I left them.

I was worried you wouldn't get in.

Thanks.

I was-- well, wait.

Where's Camille?

She went with Craig.

With Craig?

Are you serious?

What happened to his girlfriend?

She had these bad sun blisters.

Sun blisters?

And so?

Dad was helping me find a date.

Just now?

Yeah.

And you got dressed up to-- to do that?

No.

I was on my own date.

He left her to help me.

And you helped him?

Uh, yes.

Well, we found a nice, uh, lovely--

Yeah, she was--

Where did you find her?

Oh, a couple-- a couple--

Yeah, she was--

Well, where is she?

Doesn't do proms.

Well, then-- uh, well, then, you're not going to go at all?

No.

Oh.

Oh, this was supposed to be like the highlight.

This was going to be--

Whatever.

Hey, would you like a drink?

BETH: Oh.

Yeah, all right.

ERNIE: Can I get a Harvey Wall-banger for my ex-wife?

Right, Harvey Wall-banger?

BETH: Right.

Thank you.

Hey.

Doesn't Danny look handsome?

BETH: Oh, are you kidding me?

He's adorable.

ERNIE: You like the tux I got him?

BETH: It's nice.

I see you got him a tie, too.

Yeah.

Well, you know, I didn't-- I didn't--

Thank you.

So did this guy propose, or what?

BETH: I think he was about to.

ERNIE: Who is he?

How-- how would you, uh--

No.

He's a nice guy.

Yes.

Uh huh.

And, uh, you?

How's--

Met a woman tonight, interesting.

I'm sorry to screw that up.

Hey, you couldn't have known this was all gonna happen.

Oh, no. This was out of your control.

This was not his fault. This was-- he

was a victim of circumstances.

Yes.

ERNIE: I think he should have been more

aggressive with that sophomore.

God, you're in control of your own life.

You're going to have a great picture.

OK, leave him alone.

He's working on it.

I mean, what is it that you want?

Every kid wishes their parents will get back together,

but it's-- it's not realistic.

This moment forever.

ERNIE: You didn't think she was cute?

BETH: Yeah, but she's ditzy, and Danny

doesn't do well with ditzy.

Hold on.

Wait.

Uh, I'll be-- don't go anywhere.

I'll be right back.

[music playing]

[dance music playing]

Hey.

How's your night?

You know, it's actually a lot of fun spending

a night like this by yourself.

You don't have to share with anybody.

Seriously.

CRAIG: This is nothing to hurt you.

We can hang out tomorrow.

This is-- what?

No, no, no.

You need to go home and get some sleep.

ABBY: What, so you can spend your prom night with her?

DANNY: You going to forgive me?

CRAIG: What was I supposed to do?

Seriously. Stay home?

I didn't get any sun blisters.

ABBY: Did you ever even consider my feelings about this?

[music playing]

CRAIG: I'm not going home with you right now.

OK.

Do you realize that?

I have to get up at six in the morning

and take this stupid thing-- what are you doing?

Come on.

I got to show you something.

- Where are we going? - To the bar.

My parents are there.

What are your parents doing at the bar?

Moral support, I guess.

PHOTOGRAPHER: One more time.

Next.

[music playing]

Water in the sink. I can see--

No.

Yeah.

You can see the--

- Camille! - Hi!

- How's it going? - Good.

Good.

Just trying to get through this alive, I guess.

I just wanted to let you guys know I've got Camille with me

now, so we're going to go in there and have fun.

- Oh, that's good! - Oh, great.

That's great.

Go for it.

Are you guys going to, you know?

- Oh. - No, no.

I'm probably going to take off.

I've got to get back, too.

Listen, it was so good to see you again.

It was good to see you.

And I'll see you at graduation. - Graduation.

Yes. We'll see you then.

Um, might be kind of weird, but, uh, I mean, do you

guys want to come in or?

No.

Oh, no.

Not going into the prom.

That would be-- besides, the kids

don't want to see the parents. - No, honey.

Tonight is your night.

You need to go in there and celebrate with everybody.

Yeah.

You-- you're right.

You know, I should.

And I know exactly where we're going.

[music playing]

Oh, well I don't think we're allowed to be in here, Danny!

And so this is how I spent my night.

Nothing like what I had hoped for, but somehow better.

Somehow just the way it should have been.

And did I look even remotely cool?

Probably not, but I spent my prom night with the three

people I love the most.

And after we danced the electric slide, after the four of us

played a drunken game of Boggle in my hotel room,

just before I fell asleep next to my oldest

friend on the single bed, I finally

had this moment of clarity.

We can't choose our memories.

The best ones just happen.

So what's the point of trying to create

the perfect moment when the perfect moment is right now?

[music playing]