Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: This program is rated 14+,

and contains scenes of violence, coarse language,

and mature subject matter.

Viewer discretion is advised.

[ Low-pitched humming ]

[ Warbles ]

Leprechaun: What?!

[ Groans ] Shit. Okay.

Fine. Okay, fine.

Um... hello?

Oh. Hey.

Uh, are you here for a-a meeting?

It's just me here today. It's Saturday.

One second. I'm sorry.

[ Paper shuffling ]

Sorry.

No worries. Um...

Sorry. I-Is there gold?

[ Chuckles ]

Well, we trade gold,

among many other assets.

But I can't just give you gold, if that's what you're asking.

Oh. I'm sorry. No, I, um-

That's- I'm sorry about that.

No. I'm- I'm sorry. I'm being rude.

I was just- I'm- I'm in a call- on a call.

[ Chuckles ] But please, come in.

Come in. Forget all that.

Alright.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

?

[ Thuds ] Oh. I'm sorry.

Careful.

Shoot.

[ Sighs ]

Okay.

So, are you an investor?

Oh. Uh, well, I have a 401(k)

Ah. I don't really deal with retail investors.

I'm more on the institutional side of things.

Hey, um, I'm sorry about, like, the gold stuff.

I was just like- I followed the rainbow.

I don't know if that's offensive to you or anything like that.

No. I get it.

I'm- I'm sorry for being snippy earlier.

Just today has been nuts.

And, then, I just- [ Sighs ]

Y-You know when you eat, like, way too much lunch?

Oh. I knew it was gonna be a mistake,

and then I just- I couldn't stop myself. Yeah.

Oh, yeah? That's happened to me before.

Unzip the vest. [ Laughs ]

Yeah. Get so sleepy.

Yeah. I could fall asleep right now. [ Laughs ]

I'm doing that fasting thing-

you know, intermittent fasting. Oh.

You know, 14, 8- 15, 9-

16, 8- 14, 8- No, that's 22.

14, 10- that's what I'm doing.

Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

10, 24. Yeah. Yeah.

That's, uh- That's tough.

You ever tried intermittent fasting?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple times, actually.

I really like that you can still have black coffee.

That doesn't ruin it. Oh.

Yeah. And I take my coffee black always anyway,

so perfect for me.

Cheating the system.

Yeah. I like, um- I like black coffee, too.

I never take it with any cream or sugar.

No, you can't have cream. Cream is...

[ Groans ] Yeah. Yeah.

Ick.

I do- I do the one where it has the ghee in it, though.

[ Chimes play ]

Hey, Jordan.

Hey, Nicholas. What's up?

I need to bug you for a second.

Sure. Super last minute,

but I wanted to see if you could cover for Ms. Stiles

for a couple of weeks. Sure, yeah.

Uh, bio, right?

Sex ed, actually.

[ Ominous notes play ] [ Echoing ] Sex ed.

[ Out of focus ] Yeah, the unit starts up next week,

[clearly] so we need a sub while she's out on leave.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Cool. Anything you say,

oh, principal, my principal.

Just for a few weeks.

No problemo.

Okay. You're cool with this?

Yes. Yeah.

I've had sex before,

so I can teach that- sex ed.

[ Sniffles ]

Okay.

[ EDM music plays ]

?

?

?

[ School bell ringing ]

[ Screams ]

[ Weakly ] Help... me.

Mr. Mendoza?!

[ Screaming ]

[ Thuds ] Oh, my God.

[ Groaning ]

[ Screams ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

Okay. Take a seat, guys.

We're gonna get started in a little bit.

Phew!

Oh, wow.

This AI shit's getting crazy.

[ Exhales sharply ]

I'm sorry. I got to check on this reservation.

Oh, yeah. No worries.

Me and my girlfriend have dinner plans tonight.

Nice.

Do I have Resy?

Okay to sign in with Google? Sure. Why not?

Let's party.

Do you think they monitor your computer at work?

Oh, um, I don't know.

I guess it depends on the company.

Probably not, though.

Yeah. Why would they care?

They got better things to do.

Yeah.

And we are going to Salazar.

It is not a special occasion.

You ever been to Salazar? It's right next to Zebulon.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's good. I like it there. Yeah, yeah.

Take a deep breath. [ Inhales sharply ]

Hold it.

Let it out.

[ Exhales sharply ] Perfect.

Jacob, are you ready?

I think so.

This treatment really works?

This thing can cure PTSD?

Medicine has come a long way

when it comes to healing past trauma.

And it's- it's free?

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

You're a veteran, son.

Now, Jacob.

this might be a little bit difficult,

but in order for me to calibrate the machine,

I need you to take me all the way back, okay?

Walk me through this flashback that you mentioned.

Okay. Okay. Let's lie back.

Okay. Good.

?

In your own time.

Was a nothing day.

We were babysitting some bunker in the middle of nowhere.

Mm-hmm.

[ Static hissing, indistinct voices ]

QRF on standby. Fire watch rotation.

Me and Chris were on duty, just killing time.

Chris: They're cousins, man.

What the fuck are you talking about?

No. I kid you not.

Jeff Bezos and J.K. Simmons are cousins.

I swear to God. They just look the same.

When the Internet's back, I'll prove it.

[ Explosion, gunfire ]

Aah! Chris!

[ Out of focus ] Chris! [ Ringing noise ]

Jacob: [ Clearly ] Then I saw him go down.

[ Crying ]

Suddenly, I was holding his neck together

with my bare hands.

[ Crying ]

He was my best friend.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

And this might feel a little bit strange,

but we are going to target that memory, okay, to soften it.

Here we go.

[ Static hissing, indistinct voices ]

Jeff Bezos and J.K. Simmons are cousins.

I swear to God. They're both bald. That's it.

When the Internet's back, I'll prove it, okay?

[ Explosion, gunfire ]

[ Rock music plays on stereo ]

?

You want me to suck you off?

?

What?

I could suck you off if you want.

?

No, thanks.

It will feel good.

That's- I'm alright.

I'm just gonna be real with you.

The head I give is fucking bad.

[ Rumbling, static hissing ]

[ Gasping ]

It's okay, it's okay. You're safe.

What the hell was that?

What was what? What did you see?

My friend...

asking to suck me off?

[ Monitor beeping ]

Okay. That's weird.

That- That should not have happened.

I'm sorry. What the hell is this?

Okay. I think- You know what?

I think something got scrambled up.

Let me recalibrate. I'm very sorry.

Okay.

[ Keys clacking ] Okay, now.

[ Ominous notes play ]

[ Static hissing ]

...the same. When the Internet's back, I'll prove it, alright?

I'm standing by to keep everybody safe.

[ Monitor beeping ]

You want me to suck you off?

No, thank you.

I'll suck you off, too.

Oh, no thanks.

You want to watch us suck each other off?

We're happy to suck each other off if you want to watch.

69, standing up.

You don't want to see it?

It is loud, and there's a lot of liquid that comes out.

[ Rumbling, static hissing ]

[ Gasps ]

What the hell is wrong with you?!

I'm sorry. What is this thing?!

I am so sorry.

I-I have figured it out, I swear.

Please give me one chance.

I got it. [ Keys clacking ]

There we go.

[ Static hissing ]

I'm standing by to keep everybody safe.

[ Gunfire ] Aah!

Chris!

[ Mutters ]

Somebody help!

Stand back, stand back. Okay.

Stay with me. [ Groans ]

I think he's gonna be okay.

[ Monitor beeping ]

[ Sighing ]

You want me to suck you off?

I'll suck you off, too. No!

Smack it around.

Oh. Maybe not. Uh-oh.

You want to suck me off?

You can suck me off, too.

[ Keys clacking ] Shit. Shit.

Can I have your teeth? What?

I like your teeth.

You got really nice teeth, man.

[ Keys clacking loudly ]

I'll [bleep]

Spit on it [bleep]

We will fucking go crazy on that shit.

What the hell is this? [ Rumbling ]

[ Gasps ]

This is ridiculous! I'm sorry.

No. I am so sorry.

I'm done! Give me o-one more.

Get me out of here! Okay.

Of course. And I am so sorry.

I just need you to fill out this discharge paperwork.

What?! [ Sighs ] I'm sorry. It's just standard.

[ Monitor beeping ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh. Are you left-handed?

Yeah. Oh.

That hat is on backwards, then.

[ Imitates gunshot ]

[ Chuckling ] Right?

[ Imitates gunshot ]

Thanks for watching.

Here are the credits.

D-Do you ever get just "Hey" as a text from a friend?

Yeah. yeah. It's annoying.

It's so annoying! What is that?

Like they just want to trap you

and ask for a favor or whatever. [ Groans ]

My friend's getting a, uh- a dumb phone.

Oh, yeah. I've been thinking about getting one of those.

Yeah. It seems...

Seems...

good.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0