Original subtitles

("Alfred Hitchcock" theme music)

- Good evening.

This is not one of our regular writers.

We think it best that we keep them out of sight.

This is one of our apprentices.

You have of course heard the theory

that if a room full of monkey's were allowed

to type for a million years,

they would eventually reproduce all

the classics in the British museum.

This is not so.

We have tried it, and while they stories

they wrote were quite good,

and many of them publishable.

They are not classics, yet.

This gentleman is one of our trainees.

He types nothing but gibberish.

But he is not to be faulted for this.

His ideas are quite good and he has a flare for dialogue.

He just can't type.

However, he has made some progress.

For example, he now knows that it is

naughty to eat the paper.

Before tonight's story, we would like to

present an example of our young student's work.

Notice the skill with which he has captured.

The elusive banality of the television commercial.

(slow paced music)

(ominous music)

(slow swanky music)

(phone buzzes)

- Yeah. - Mrs. Morrow on two sir.

- [Alex] Oh.

Yeah, sure.

Well I don't care who's coming,

I can't possibly get away from here for hours.

It's out of the question.

What are you waiting for?

Don't you have a crochet class or something?

- It's flower arrangement night.

Goodnight Mr. Morrow.

- I'm sorry dear, I just had to sign something.

Look, I told you, I'm up to my neck in work.

(upbeat music)

Well, maybe we can sit down, huh?

- Oh no, I wanna dance some more.

I wanna do the jerk.

(upbeat music)

- Wish I could keep up with these new steps, you know?

- What?

- I say, every time I learn a new step

they invent another one.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Who's that man?

- Huh?

- Does he know you Fiona?

That man who just passed?

- No, I've never seen him before.

- Well he was staring at me.

You know he was in here last week too.

That same man.

- So?

- Are you sure you don't know him?

- Alex, there's no one but you,

you know that.

- Well.

- You're all upset.

- Well I just don't like people

staring at me, that's all.

- I thought you were running from the police.

- Do you like people staring...

Let's sit down.

I don't like being stared at,

especially by that man.

Come to think of it,

I'd swear I saw him outside my office this afternoon.

That same man!

I believe he's following me.

- Oh Alex, you're imagining things.

- Now don't tell me I'm imagining things.

I'm sorry dear, I guess I'm just a little on edge.

- Hiya Alex!

How's everything!

- I don't think I remember you.

- You don't remember me?

Steve Jamieson.

- Yeah, yes.

- Sure you do!

- Of course.

- How do you do Mrs. Morrow?

It's a great pleasure.

I must say, I've never been able to understand

why an old married man like Alex

always spends so much time

extolling the virtues of his wife.

Until this minute.

- Look whoever you are,

you have me mixed up with somebody else!

I'm not a married man and this is Mrs. McNiece.

- Oh, put my foot into it didn't I?

- Darling!

I think you'd better explain you made a mistake.

- I made a mistake--

- No, darling!

- [Steve] I'm sorry Alex!

- [Alex] Will you please get out of my way!

- [Steve] I didn't mean to Alex!

- Check sir!

- Hey, when you get to be your age Dad,

you don't wanna give 'em too much of a head start.

(Steve laughing)

- [Taxi Driver] Cab sir?

- No thank you.

Oh yes, wait for me!

Fiona, Fiona, it was a joke.

Darling, it was a joke.

I'm not married, I wouldn't lie to you.

You're all I have to live for, you know that.

- Oh I knew you were married Alex.

A man like you just has to be.

But I couldn't bring myself to believe it!

I didn't wanna believe it I mean.

- Darling, the man was joking.

He was just joking.

I was afraid of losing you dear.

- Well now you have.

- You don't have to be like that.

Other people manage quite well.

- But Alex!

I'm not the kind of girl that goes with a married man!

So, that's that.

- I'd get a divorce dear, but my wife just

won't give me one.

Now listen to me--

- Oh no, don't touch me Alex!

- Please, please, we'll find a way darling.

We will.

- Oh Alex, how could you do this to me?

- Please. - How could you?

- [Alex] It'll be all right darling.

Believe me, have faith, we'll...

We'll find a way dear.

There's that man again.

- What man?

- The one that stares at me,

the one that's been following me.

She's done it you know.

She's put a detective on me.

- Then she is after a divorce.

- Oh no, no, she'd never divorce me, never.

(machine whirring)

Angela.

I wanna talk to you.

- Having some eggnog, would you like some?

- No thank you.

- You should, you'd sleep better.

- I don't like eggnog.

Why don't you watch your weight a little?

- Do you really mind how fat I get Alex?

- No, I don't mind how fat you get!

- Exactly.

Exactly, anyway, if you'd like me thinner

you could always arrange it my dear.

I only eat before going to bed

for psychological reasons

as the ladies magazine so delicately put it.

- How can you eat peanut butter on graham crackers?

- Gotta get some kicks out of life kid.

Actually, it's a substitute you know.

Bet you never thought you'd be a

substitute for peanut butter, huh?

- Substitute!

You took peanut butter on our honeymoon!

- I needed it too.

- My entire love life has been the

secondhand smell of peanut butter.

- You're just lucky it wasn't garlic.

You sure you don't want some?

- No I don't want any!

Now listen to me--

- How was business tonight?

Big deals huh? - What's that

- [Alex] supposed to mean?

I had to stay.

Those contracts were vital.

- Okay, okay, okay, you don't have to answer it.

It's just like,

how are you?

Nobody actually wants to know Alex.

- All right.

I was out with a girl.

Does that satisfy you?

(Angela laughing)

I don't see why you should find it so funny

since your little man must've told you the news already.

- What kind of girl is gonna look at you?

Even I'd rather have peanut butter

and eggnog, and I'm your wife.

- Is that so?

Is that a fact!

Well your little man must have faulty vision!

- What are you talking about?

What man?

- [Alex] That clown you have trailing me.

- Shades of paranoia.

I don't have anybody trailing you Alex.

- You're trying for divorce, aren't you?

You deny you want a divorce?

- You know my attitude on divorce.

I'll give you one anytime you like.

It's only the difference between living alone

or living with you and that's not much of a difference.

- You're after my stamp collection, that's it.

Oh, you'd love to see it broken up, wouldn't you?

- I don't want your lousy stamps.

But I do want my share of the profits

if I'm gonna be put out to pasture.

- All right, if that's the way you feel about it.

But don't expect me to pay for any detectives

out of my pocket.

- Alex!

What are you talking about?

Alex, you better tell me

because I haven't hired any detectives.

- You are not allowed in this room.

- I am so sorry, I forgot.

- Just shut the door as you leave.

- No.

I wanna get all this man business straightened out.

It's all very interesting because

a strange young man was here this afternoon.

He asked about the neighbors

and did they drink a lot and throw wild parties

and did we like them.

He said he was an insurance investigator.

But he acted very peculiar.

He was very handsome young man.

Black curly hair, Italian looking,

and very charming.

I offered him a cup of coffee just to be polite.

I couldn't-- - You let him in the house?

- [Angela] Well he seemed all right.

Is it the same man?

- Yes, it's the same man.

- Alex, what have you been up to?

Are the police after you?

- Oh shut up!

- Well who could it be?

- I don't know.

- Somebody's after you.

- Are you sure this isn't some scheme of yours?

(tense music) (Angela scoffs)

Then who is he?

- The Sutton contracts.

If you'll sign them I'll just mail

them on my way home.

Ain't you gonna read them?

- They're all right. (phone rings)

It's 6:30 Miss Rice.

Haven't you better get on your horse?

You'll miss your fencing class.

- It's home management and judo.

Goodnight Mr. Morrow.

- Hello.

Darling, where have you been all day,

I've been trying to catch you.

I'll be right over, I'm leaving right now.

- No Alex, you can't come over tonight.

- Oh, don't be silly.

You'll feel better about it after you've had a good dinner.

I'll be right over.

- I don't wanna have dinner with you,

so don't come over.

I won't be here, I'm going out.

- Goodnight.

(tense music)

(Alex gasps) (dramatic music)

You.

What do you want?

- I want to talk Mr. Morrow, that's all.

Don't be frightened.

- I'm not frightened.

I'm not frightened in the least.

As a matter of fact, I've been wanting

to have a talk with you.

- Why?

- Why?

Why, because I wanna know why you've

been following me around, annoying me, that's why.

In fact, I was about to call the police.

So you'd better have an explanation.

- Oh, I have.

I've been conducting an investigation of you.

- You've been investigating me?

Who for?

- For the firm that employs me.

My card.

- What does SAC stand for?

- It's stands for Statistical Assistance Corporation.

- Are you selling something?

- [Man] I hope to.

- You mean you're nothing but a salesman?

- That's right Mr. Morrow.

Although we're brainwashed into thinking

as ourselves as company representatives.

- You put me through all this

just to sell me something?

- We're very thorough sir.

- The length some firms will go to to make a dollar.

Well I hope you realize

this constitutes an invasion of my privacy.

- Yes, I do realize that and I apologize.

- You'll do more than apologize.

I'm gonna sue you!

You're not getting away with this!

- I'm very sorry you feel that way Mr. Morrow.

But because of the particular nature

of the service we offer,

it requires an investigation.

Of course you're free to complain to my superiors

if I've been annoying you.

- How would you like it if every time you looked around

some stranger was staring at you?

- Yes, yes, I'd be worried, I admit that.

- Well you will be worried, believe me.

And shortly.

- But,

if I could outline my service, I'm sure--

- I'm not interested in your services

or anything you have to say.

Next time you hear from me

it'll be my lawyer talking.

- But you're a lawyer yourself.

- I don't handle criminal cases.

- It would only take a minute to explain.

- [Alex] I would not give you a minute if I had all day.

But as a matter of fact, I have a business appointment.

- Only Miss McNiece,

you see her every night don't you?

I should think you'd be glad to skip a night now and then.

- You've been tapping my phone,

that's a federal offense.

- Yes.

We do tap phones, but I didn't tap it this time.

The thing is Mr. Morrow,

that ever since you met Miss Fiona McNiece

of 3304 Desert Towers apartment B.

Let me see, the third of last month,

you haven't missed a day seeing her.

Oh, I lie.

You missed last Sunday, your wedding anniversary.

I thought that was very touching.

But before that,

your visits to Miss Doris Thornberry

of 11103 Valley Spring Lane,

were very infrequent.

Not more than twice a month.

This is a normal pattern for a man your age by the way.

And before that, well,

you were almost blameless except for those

odd evenings not worth mentioning.

But it's the change of the pattern

with Miss Fiona McNiece that interests us

and brought you to our attention.

It's what made us realize

that you really need our service.

- So that's it?

Uh-huh.

- No, not blackmail, I assure you.

- Not?

- Wouldn't we be better off in your office?

More comfortable and all.

Oh, by the way,

I really enjoyed following that deal

you made at the stamp auction you made last week.

Sit down, please, won't you?

May I?

Now I think it's best that we begin

by reviewing your problem.

- What problem, you're the only problem I've got.

- I'll just review your problem as I see it.

And if I'm wrong,

please correct me.

You've been 25 years to Angela Morrow.

Maiden name Angela Fenton.

No children.

14 pounds overweight.

That's often the case.

I notice you have lost weight lately.

Love often has that affect.

You are in love aren't you?

- I am very fond of Miss McNiece, yes.

- Well, by love I mean what any normal

man your age feels for a girl of 26.

I know she told you 23.

But girls often exaggerate both ways, don't they?

- What do you want?

- Put it this way,

you're a middle-aged man,

an honorable man of character,

well off, extremely competent at his chosen profession

who thought all that was past him.

But suddenly, been dragged out of his shell

by a very beautiful girl half his age.

It happens every day.

Your wife, while a woman of many admirable qualities--

- Ah.

I will not have you speak ill of my wife.

- Nor would I.

But she's by no means the light of your life.

A good companion in her better moods.

Comfortable.

Reliable.

A decent cook and housekeeper.

But perhaps lacking

a certain effervescence.

Now that you've discovered through Miss McNiece

that you're not quite as old as you thought, hm?

- What are you getting at?

- It happens to all of us.

We grow old.

So, along comes that special girl

and we wake from the premature death of middle age

and find we must negotiate a set of rapids

in a leaky boat with tired muscles.

- I must say you do have

a grasp of the situation.

- We're flung back into life.

We open our eyes,

and for the first time,

we notice with some surprise

a strange old woman living in our house

with halitosis and the most eccentric habits.

- When without her meddling,

we'd really have been something.

- Divorce is the most common solution.

But divorce is a messy amputation.

Especially when a man loves his home.

And has a lifetime of savings invested

in a collection of stamps.

And so we come to a very simple choice.

We listen to our hearts.

Marry the girl.

And see the work of a lifetime given away to strangers.

Or, we swallow our honor, close our eyes,

and retreat to that premature death

of hair curlers and quilted housecoats

we became so familiar with over the years.

Or...

- Or?

- This is where I come in.

- You're murder incorporated.

- Do I look and sound like the representative

of gun wielding thugs?

No, I don't murder anyone.

In fact, our motto is let nature take it's course.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- A home is one of the most lethal

weapons ever invented.

It has the power to electrocute,

gas, poison,

blow you up, or water to drown you.

The weight to crush you. (fist pounds)

And if there's a fire,

the doors to trap you.

Most people die at home,

and not very peacefully I'm afraid.

- I think I've listened to enough.

- Newspaper clippings.

Here's a housewife doing her washing.

Catches her hand in the ringer,

and for some strange reason,

the release catch is broken.

Ugh.

Too terrible to contemplate.

Another middle-aged housewife

goes down to the basement to fix her furnace.

Boom.

Took two days to find her in that debris.

Ah.

And here's a case of food poisoning.

Her husband.

Oh yes, some of our clients are women of course.

- Are you implying that your firm

has something to do with these accidents?

- We call it accident programming.

Our engineers go in and analyze the subjects

daily routine habits

and from this compute, the statistical death norm.

- Death norm.

- The most likely way the subject will die anyway.

If left to his own devices.

I mean we all have to go some way, don't we?

- I suppose so.

- We just

help the statistics along a bit.

But I hardly expect you to be enthusiastic.

So soon at least.

- I can hardly believe this is happening to me.

- Opportunity is knocking Mr. Morrow.

- It's still murder.

- Not quite, you think about it.

- I don't have to think about it.

- I understand.

My number is on the card.

And this file is the complete

and only copy of the notes I made on your case.

It's yours now.

It's been a pleasure Mr. Morrow, until later.

- There won't be any later.

I assure you you've wasted your time.

- Then goodbye sir.

No obligation.

(tense music)

- He must be mad, I'm no murderer.

(dramatic music)

- While our talented young friend is out of the room,

suppose we take a break too.

A station break.

The second half of our program

will be shown when we return.

(slow ominous music)

(slow solemn music)

(door buzzing)

- There's not a bit of use wearing out that bell

'cause Miss McNiece isn't here.

Are you Mr. Morrow?

- Yes.

Did she leave a message?

- She wanted me to tell you she was sorry, she had a date,

and she probably wouldn't be home for a week.

- Oh.

Well that's ridiculous.

- That's what I told her.

- Where did she go?

- I couldn't tell ya that.

- I see.

- Least wise I'm not supposed to tell you.

- Oh.

- She's down by the swimming pool.

Try behind the big umbrella.

- Thank you.

(slow swanky music)

Fiona.

Darling.

- Go away.

- Don't! (water splashing)

Darling.

Goodness sake.

- Go away, please! - Oh come on, out of there!

- [Alexis] I wanna talk to you!

- Alex, let go of me! - You're being very silly!

- I'm serious! - You're just being

- Alexis, let go! - Hysterical!

- [Alexis] Come on!

(water splashing) (upbeat jazz music)

(slow swanky music)

(water dripping)

Fiona, I think you owe me an explanation.

- You've got to be fair to me.

You're a married man!

- You knew that, you admitted it.

- Well I wasn't sure, and anyway,

now I've thought about it,

I just don't think we should go on this way!

- Listen to me...

Let's go up to your apartment and talk this out, huh?

- No.

- I could catch pneumonia!

- There's a dry cleaners down at the corner.

- Fiona, please, let's go up to your apartment dear?

- [Fiona] No Alex, no!

- I love you.

You brought me to life again.

I can't go back to that premature death

of hair curlers and quilted housecoats.

I just can't.

(slow swanky music)

(Angela screams) (plug buzzes)

- I wish you'd fix this plug!

It gets so hot I can't touch it!

You want some eggnog?

- No, I want some coffee.

- You won't sleep as well.

Did you see your little man today?

- What little man?

- The one who was following you.

- Oh.

No.

I guess he must've given up.

- Maybe it was his day off.

I had a thought about him.

Is she married Alex?

- Is who married?

- [Angela] This girl of yours.

- What girl?

- Nevermind.

Only an honest man can lie well.

You're terrible at it.

- I can't step out of the house

without you suspecting me, is that it?

You know, I can't live with that Angela.

- Well, leave then.

- Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

- I told you before, I don't care one way or the other.

I mean, there's nothing between us anymore.

There isn't even an echo of something

that used to be there.

We're just a couple of old cheats in retirement.

We both got what we deserve.

- What do you mean a couple of cheats?

- Don't flip, it was years ago.

- What was?

(Angela laughing)

- You didn't think you were the only

one that ever got bored around here did ya?

I was still quite an attractive woman

when you wrote me off you know.

- What are you saying?

- I'm saying that's what happened to our lives Alex.

They went right down the drain with little lies.

Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, how do you like it?

- Angela, do you mean to tell--

- Yeah, I mean to tell ya.

- I don't wanna hear anymore.

- We have some very nice cocktail

lounges around here.

- Who?

Who was it?

I demand to know.

- Who?

- You heard what I said,

I wanna know who it was!

- Okay, you wanna know who?

- Now don't toy with me?

- Well then first, shouldn't you say whom?

Is that the plural of who?

No.

Who covers a lot come to think of it.

- Angela.

- Yes Alex.

- You've been making a fool of me

behind my back all these years?

- No.

I've nothing to do with that.

You've been working at it ever since I first knew you.

(hand slaps)

Don't touch me.

If you were jealous,

I wouldn't care.

But I have never been anything but a servant to you.

- Hello, Alex Morrow.

I think we just might

be able to do business.

(ominous music)

- You've changed your mind.

- Well, I--

- It's all right Mr. Morrow.

Most of our clients do, once or twice at least.

We expect that.

- I'm sorry to put you through all this trouble.

- That's all right, because of the permanent

nature of our business,

we like our clients to be sure.

We've had men who changed their minds,

gone back to their wives and lived happily ever after.

- Oh no, no.

That wouldn't be the case with me, believe me.

- I understand.

But if you'd like to think about it a bit more,

I'll be back the 18th of next month.

- You're leaving town?

- Yes, we move around you know.

- But you will be back?

How do I get in touch with you?

- I'll get in touch with you.

Unless of course I'm posted elsewhere.

- You know, I just can't,

I just can't swallow the idea of killing her.

I just can't swallow it.

- I know.

- Maybe if you could tell me a little more.

How you do it and all?

- I think a number two iron should do the trick, don't you?

- I just hate to see you go away, you know.

I slept so soundly last night,

after I made up my mind.

Would you mind telling me a little?

- If you'd like.

Now then,

very simple.

You just give me a very thorough list

of all the machines and appliances

and any peculiar habits your wife

might have about the house

and a rough floor plan.

- I see.

- After that, our engineers will move in

and fix things.

You can put the whole thing out of your mind.

You'll never know when it's going to happen.

We find this a very great comfort to our clients.

That's all.

- That's all?

- Well.

- But not quite all, huh?

- $7,500 now and the same amount when we complete the job.

- Ridiculous, I can't afford that.

- Now, now Mr. Murrow, you're forgetting my

investigation of your affairs.

We expect very prompt payment of course.

- $15,000 is a great deal of money!

- Out of a $100,000 stamp collection?

That's not too bad is it?

- I suppose not.

When?

- Well we're booked rather full right now.

I don't think we can fit you in

for a couple of months at the earliest.

- Then it's all off, I can never stand the strain.

- Or today.

- Today?

- Today.

Try your drive slightly to the right.

The traps are notorious on this hole.

- Thank you.

- Could you have your wife come to

your office this afternoon?

To sign some papers.

A little legal double talk.

Our engineers will move in this afternoon

and that will be that.

Except for a final meeting tomorrow perhaps.

- What'll happen then?

- Not your concern.

Oh, I would suggest that you go to

your club this evening.

Make sure you're noticed there,

return home about midnight,

and make the shocking discover that your troubles are over.

(golf ball clanks) (tense music)

- You make it seem so easy.

(dramatic music)

(doorbell buzzing)

(door knocking)

Fiona it's me, let me in.

- I can't see you now Alex.

- What's the matter?

- It's got to end sometime.

- Oh darling, you don't understand.

- Goodbye Alex. - What?

- [Alex] Fiona!

(door knocking)

Fiona.

Things have changed dear,

now you've got to let me explain.

- Alex, you're a married man.

It's hopeless.

- It isn't.

I tell you, now you've got to let me in to talk to you.

- It's just another trick.

- No, I'm practically a free man.

I tell ya dear,

I'm as good as free.

- Are you all right?

- Fiona, you said that if I were ever single,

you would marry me in a flash.

- Then she's giving you a divorce!

- No, no.

But.

Well.

I met this man, you see.

Well he came to me actually.

He represents this firm.

A very reliable firm in fact.

They handle situations like ours.

Now it's perfectly all right.

You read about it in the papers every day

and you never think for a moment

it's anything but an accident.

Well, I mean, a housewife goes down to fix the furnace,

and boom.

Has nothing to do with us.

It's called statistical assistance.

You see.

- Murder.

- Well no, not really.

- Murder?

- Well now, what else could I do darling?

- Murder! - Darling,

- [Alex] what else could I do?

- Alex, you've got to stop that man!

- Well I can't stop him now, it's too late!

- But you've got too!

Alex, you've got to!

If you don't, I won't have anything more to do with you!

- Oh don't say that dear! - No!

- Don't, don't, don't - Alex, no!

- say things like that! - Alex I mean it!

- [Fiona] Now I mean it!

Murder.

(phone clanking)

- Hello.

Alex Morrow.

Has anything happened yet?

Well you've got to call it off.

No, you've got to.

Can you stop it?

- I don't know yet, but he already called me.

Here.

- Oh.

- Got the rest of the money?

- Yes I have it.

I still don't see why I should pay you the balance

of $7,500 to stop a murder.

- I've explained all that to you already.

It takes more and skill to undo a job

than to set it up.

We have to ask full payment to cover ourselves.

- All right.

- Would you open it please?

Is it all there?

- Yes, it's all here.

- Put it back in the envelope.

Thank you.

(phone buzzing)

O-5 here.

Mm.

Mm-hm.

Yeah.

- Well?

- Too late.

- Too late?

- [Richard] Nothing they can do about it now with her there.

- But what am I gonna do?

She's gotta be saved.

- Easy, easy.

You can stop it yourself if you want.

- How?

- What time does she go to bed?

- 10, 10:30.

- Here's the setup.

Our engineer substituted some Sanedrin sulfate pills

for the vitamin tablets in her medicine cabinet.

When she takes her bedtime eggnog

and pops in those pills,

well, she's going to get a full blast of Sanedrin sulfate.

- That'll kill her?

- Normally, no.

But with her metabolism,

we know she'll have a high reaction.

Should only take a matter of seconds.

She won't be having anymore eggnog.

- Sanedrin sulfate.

- For a heart condition.

- For heart conditions?

She doesn't have any heart condition.

The doctor will know that.

You might as well be advertising what you're doing.

I thought you were professionals?

You certainly sell better than you perform.

- Well, like most firms today,

I guess we do train our salesman

a bit better than we do our engineers.

I always did think we were weak in pharmacy.

But that's modern business isn't it?

- That's modern business, huh.

What about the money I just gave you?

If you can't stop it.

- If it can't be stopped we're back to the original deal.

- Just let's get there fast.

- I'm afraid I can't go with you.

Another appointment you know.

- It's going to take me an hour to get home.

Suppose she goes to bed early?

You fools!

You've put a noose around my neck.

- Maybe you'd better hurry.

- If anything goes wrong,

I hold you responsible!

(door slams)

(ominous music)

Angela.

Angela. (dramatic music)

Angela.

Angela.

- You're home.

- You're all right.

- Yes, I'm fine.

What's the matter?

- Did you take your vitamin pills

and your eggnog tonight?

- Why yes, what's the matter Alex?

- How long ago?

- About half an hour ago.

What in heavens name--

- Shut up, just shut up!

Are these the pills you took?

- [Angela] Yes!

- Half an hour ago?

- [Angela] Yes!

(Alex sighs)

- He said they would only take seconds.

There's nothing wrong with those pills.

He's tricked me.

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

It's Alex Morrow.

- [Alexis] You've taken me, but I'll get even!

I'll get to you!

I'll get you!

You won't--

- Hello Alex.

Fiona.

Yes, it's me, Fiona!

Yes, he's here, but there really isn't

much point in your talking to him.

He's taking me on a long trip! (Richard laughing)

Oh, well, don't you worry about it.

We'll send you lots of postcards with all kinds of strange

stamps on them for your collection!

(Fiona sighs)

He was rather sweet.

- Fiona darling, I have to repeat what I say to you

after every job.

Don't involved with the clients.

- I know.

- He was the easiest mark yet.

- If our luck continues, we should be able to retire soon.

It's been five years and you promised.

- Okay, whatever you say.

- What's the matter, have they stopped

printing stamps or something?

Are you sure you won't have some eggnog?

You'll sleep better.

(slow paced music)

- Okay,

whatever you say.

(dramatic music)

- My friend simply could not master the typewriter,

so we've made him the producer.

Actually, there wasn't much we could do about it.

His uncle owns the studio.

We will show you scenes from next weeks story

after the following commercial.

("Funeral March of a Marionette" by Charles Gounod)