Original subtitles

[rock music playing]

- A little help here, Rato? - [spits]

- Oh, that looks good.

We're gonna get a rave review today.

I want these floors so clean, you can eat off 'em.

- Some of our customers already do that, Danny.

- Right, but, like, clean enough for normal people to do it.

- Oh, my... Danny!

- Danny, I need to talk to you.

I've had a vision of your death.

- What? - [laughs] What? No.

He's just joshing around. - [muffled talking]

- Why don't you go finish your inspection

while we get things shipshape in here, okay?

- Right, yeah. Yeah, good idea.

To the bathroom!

- [panting] But I weren't joking, Xanthena.

Last night I had a prenomition.

- I'm sure you did, baby.

Listen. No-one is to say or do anything

to mess up Danny's confidence right now, okay?

- There seems to be a level of tension here that I can feel.

Is this Mrs. Taste like a big deal or something?

- Last time she reviewed us, Danny... went a little cuckoo.

- [Onorato speaking]

- ♪ Scrubbing funny graffiti From the walls, oh ♪

♪ Big dong birdie You're a friend of mine ♪

♪ You got a big old dong How do you fly ♪

Hey! Some graffiti with my name in it.

That's fun.

"Danny Doom is in his own way."

Huh.

[theme music playing]

- Well, maybe it's positive, Danny,

like, uh, you're making your own way.

- That's it. - Everyone grow up!

Nice stuff does not get written on bathroom stalls,

so whatever this is, it's bad.

- That's not true.

You know, someone once wrote,

"For a good time, call Lhandi," and that was pretty nice.

Although, the calls themselves were less nice.

I think there was just some kind of misunderstanding

over what constituted a good time.

- This is just like my dream.

- Jep, hush, baby. - No, let him talk.

- We were all trying to help you.

You wouldn't accept our help.

Then you stormed outside and got swallowed up by the sand.

- That's... Is that where the dream ended?

- Danny, look at me. The point is that--

[car horn honks]

That she's here! Okay, places, everyone!

[ominous music playing]

- Well, I have to say it is cleaner than last time.

What new horrors do you have in store for me today, Mr. Doom?

- Just say hi, say hi!

Woo-hoo, so excited to show you

all the improvements that we've made.

May we take your coat?

- Absolutely not. That way I can leave at any time.

- Oh. [laughing nervously] - [laughs]

Yes, those shoes are fun. It's fun to have them.

- [Onorato speaking]

- Thank you.

Oh, yucky! Ugh! Yuck! Yuck!

No, thank you, yucky.

Excuse me, Mr. Doom. You're in the way.

- Uh... What did you say?

- Uh-uh. Danny, Danny, over here, over here.

- Why did she say it in that way?

- Get a hold of yourself.

You've been preparing for this for months,

and now you're... you're--

- Getting in my own way?

Is that what I'm doing now? - No, that's...

- I'm getting some shifty eyes right now from some people

I used to trust.

- I'll just shut my eyes. I promise.

- Danny, come on, it's just some stupid thing, okay?

I bet someone from a competing bar wrote it.

Someone from Oh Crown, Beaver Beaver Crown.

Or those dicks from Tits!

- This is a very Tits move.

- Are you talking about Tits? I love that place.

- Okay, you know what, you old witch--

- Danny, no, no, Danny. You-- - I'm not gonna hit her.

Aah! [groans] Ow! - Oh!

- Very fun. - You gave me no choice, Danny.

I had to use your own momentum against you.

In other words, you got in your own...

Oh, shit! - Oh, Xanthena.

- Since you're all such experts, why don't you finish the tour?

I wouldn't want to get in the way!

- Oh, no, you can't go out there, Danny!

The sands will consume you! - Good!

Maybe it'd be nice to feel wanted for a change!

- Oh, no, Danny! [sobs]

- Well, this is going well.

[laughter]

Kidding, 'cause it's not.

[rock music playing]

- Are you here for a Quick Think, sir,

or would you like the Deep Contemplation mega package?

- [sighs] I'll take the package.

- JEP: Oh, great sands,

allow Danny safe passage on this day.

- Okay, gang, we may not have Danny,

but the Oasis is all of us,

and it deserves a good review.

Let's impress this long-tongued freak

using quality product

and enthusiastic customer service.

Oasis on three. One, two, three!

- ALL: Oasis!

- Oh, Miss Taste, I-- - I'm leaving now.

You can expect my review by week's end.

Here are some of the words that are going to be in this review.

Gross.

- Well, Miss Taste-- - No, thank you.

- M-Mrs. Taste, maybe if you-- - No, thank you, grosstown.

- [stutters] If you just-- Uh... - Worse than dirt.

Poo. Poo and pee. - [mumbling]

Pee-pee, poo-poo. - But if you just-- [mumbling]

- Butt rodeo. I need a toothbrush.

- Look at this! [grunts] - [groans]

- JEP: Oh, wow. - [gasps]

- JEP: Oh, my goodness! - Um... [laughing nervously]

- Lha... Lhandi?

Honey, you... you doing okay, honey?

- [laughing nervously] I bashed her on the head.

- You did.

Now just give me that. - And she went down.

- And... Lhandi, just... - Oh!

- She's asleep. It's okay. She's, she's... She's asleep.

- [Lhandi speaking gibberish]

[rock music playing]

- Danny Doom's in his own way. What the hell does that mean?

Oh, oh, oh!

All right, where am I here?

- PERSON: You've lost your path, Danny Doom.

- Huh? Uh...

Oh, shit. Um...

Hello. You know my name.

Are you a murderer?

- PERSON: Close. I'm the spirit of this canyon.

Just kidding.

I play guitar at the Oasis Open, like, sometimes.

Connie Diomage.

- Uh... Oh!

- Not to bum you out, but...

you look like you're thinking some pretty heavy thoughts.

- [chuckles] Yeah, I am.

Are you, is... you... sort of in the same?

- No, I was just thinking about new song ideas.

There's a whole group of us that come out here,

once a month, think about stuff,

you know, figure out whatever's snuffing us out.

See Frank over there?

He's a priest who lost his faith.

Hey, Frank, found your faith yet?

- I wish. [laughs]

- I feel like he's getting close, though.

- Uh-huh. - And you see Jackie down there,

yeah, he designs men's pants.

Hey, Jackie!

What have you been up to?

- So, I'm trying to come up with a new design for men's pants.

- Huh. - Hell, yeah! Damn straight!

Anyways, we usually eat about this time, you hungry?

- Uh, yeah.

- Look at you, dude. You could put on some lbs.

All right, let's go.

- Oh, you want me to just, sort of, piggyback, or--

- Whatever you want. - Okay. Whoop.

- I've got a sturdy-ass back. - [chuckles] Nice.

- Jackie, we're munchin'.

We're munchin'. - JACKIE: Chow-time!

I'm down. - Hell, yeah!

- Check out my jeans, boys.

- Wow. - Those are nice.

- Ta-da!

- Good morning. [laughs]

You know, we're really, really sorry

about that, Miss Taste. We just--

- The hostage thing doesn't work, you know.

If it did, Tits would be huge.

- Well, we'll take our chances. Open up!

- [screams]

- [mumbles] Grab her tongue. Grab her tongue!

- JEP: [groans] Whoa! Ow! Ow!

- And then, yeah, between the reviewer and the graffiti,

I guess I just sorta snapped.

- JACKIE: Yeah, yeah. Totally. - CONNIE: We get it. Yeah.

- This is good, by the way, thank you.

- No, I hear you, Danny.

The world of men's pants is vicious, too.

I've had close friends of mine spit in my face

over, like, a freakin' button-fly, you know?

But when I'm designing these pants,

you know, these pants for men, here,

lost in the dance of inseam and crotch point,

I know that I'm, like, me, you know.

I don't know, does that make sense?

- Makes total sense. - That does, yeah.

I guess what I'm thinking is, like,

what if the graffiti was right, though, you know what I mean?

Like, there's a better version of me that's trying to get out.

And I'm, I'm standing in the way of that.

- You're talking about potential.

Frank, I think it's time we give him the sack.

- DANNY: The sack?

- This sack contains everything you need

to access your better self.

So reach inside, see what you find.

- Reach in. Okay.

Uh... Oh! Uh...

- CONNIE: Oh! Uh... - Whoa! Ah!

- Holy shit!

- Is this... Is this right? - No.

It's not right. - Frank, you're stupid.

- I think the snake got in your sack, dude.

- That wasn't supposed to be in there?

- No, dude. - Oh, fuck.

- The sack was supposed to be empty.

- Yeah, but-- - Everything that you need,

you already have.

- It's sort of swelling, is there--

- We gotta suck that out, dude, it's venomous.

- Oh, fuck. - Hold on.

Hold on, hold on. - I'm freakin' out, man.

- Sit down. - There's no prop-- Okay.

- You're already sitting.

That was a test. - [laughs]

- Relax. Your boy Connie is right here.

- This okay? - Yeah, this'll be good for you.

Focus in right now.

Stay with me. - Focused. I'm with you.

I'm breathing.

- Look me in the eye if you want to.

- [chuckles] It tickle...

It tickles.

I'm not gonna pretend I'm not still a bit worried

but I'm also gonna add this: I feel good. [laughs]

- There we go.

- Frank giving me a little massage, that's nice.

- It's okay to feel good, man. You deserve it.

- DANNY: [laughs] Oh, man.

- And just one last drop.

- That was the best meal I've had in years.

- Girl, what the hell? - [Onorato grumbles]

- And I can't deny a certain thrill

at being tied up and abused.

You may have tapped into a masochistic streak

on my part, Lhandi.

- Ah, don't make me blush. [giggles]

- My friends, I'm going to make the Oasis very popular.

- Okay! - I'm good with that.

- Oh, no, you're not!

- Danny, you're alive!

And in such nice pants.

- That's right. I'm alive, and I'm better than ever.

I know my worth now,

and it's not something some critic

can take away from me-- - Whoa, whoa.

No, no, no, Danny, before you get--

- [exclaims] - [all gasp]

- Don't you dare, with me! Put it down! Put it down!

- [Danny exclaims] - MISS TASTE: Aah!

- And stay out!

- Danny, no! She was gonna give us a good review!

- Wait, sorry, did you say good review?

Oh, hell. Oh... Miss... Miss Taste, I'm so sorry.

I... I'm high on snake, so I didn't fully grasp the--

- Apology not necessary, I know the lure of the snake,

let me tell you.

Oh, shit! Fuck! - ALL: [gasp, exclaim]

- Well, everyone who predicted the sand-eating someone,

step forward.

Yeah, no, no.

- Well, crew, you know the drill.

Let's scrub this place for evidence

and get the hell out of here.

Jep, you're helping me remove the bathroom stalls.

Can't have graffiti without the stall, so,

we're gonna get rid of the stalls.

- Well, I thought you didn't care what the graffiti said.

- Growth takes time, Lhandi. Let's go, let's go!

- Can't argue with a man in pants like that.

[rock song playing]