Original subtitles

HANDLE WITH CARE

Hi there.

I'm here to return it.

- When did you purchase it? - Six months ago.

It's still under guarantee, right?

Why are you returning it?

It isn't what I expected.

All seems fine.

Sign here, please.

Think he wants to tell you something.

Thanks for everything, Mommy.

No?

PERFECT LIFE

YES, BUT NO THANK YOU

Moni!

Moni, wake up.

- I'm off. - Just a little bit more.

Moni! Hey!

Sleepy head! You'll be late for work.

You'll lose your job.

They can wait half an hour, I'm tax deductible.

Okay, but I'm going...

...somewhere special.

Right, the first day at the nursery.

- Of course! - Come here.

- Got everything? - Yeah.

- The cuddly toy? - Here.

- Nappy rash cream? - Yeah.

- Bus pass? - Yeah.

- Do I get a kiss? - Sure.

What a photo...

Hello!

Hey, come to dinner tomorrow so you can meet Julia.

We'll be making a meat fondue.

Nice of you to finally remember us,

but meat fondue doesn't exist.

Damn, well I just bought the pot to make fondue.

Take it back. Anyway, I don't know if I'll go.

Hun, I'll eat anything,

we're really looking forward to meeting Julia.

Bye, thanks.

Mery... Meat fondue does exist, sweetie.

Whatever.

Four months with this Julia and not even a photo.

Don't be like that. Why not call your sis?

Is that why you're calling?

No, how was your first day at nursery?

I'm not going.

How come?

Not interested in happy families dropping off their kids.

We'll go tomorrow. No big deal.

I've got plenty of time.

- I'll pick you up in 20 minutes. - No way.

I won't open the door.

Cris...

Cris!

BUS STOP NOT IN SERVICE

Shit!

- What? - Forgot the nappy rash cream.

- Relax, they'll have it there. - No, it's special, he has a sensitive bum.

All right...

- Seriously... - What's he doing?

The guy's unloading his car.

I don't know why we took the car, it's quicker to walk.

- Move it! - Hey, cut it out.

Sorry... sorry.

- No, he should apologize. - He's nearly done.

Hey, Maria. Maria, please!

Sorry. Maria!

- What? - Are you nuts?

- I'm getting out. - Don't get out.

Where are you going? Ple...

To hell with it.

You're as good as gold. Your mommy is unbearable.

No! People work, you know?

Dial it back...

What happened?

- Did you hurt yourself? - Fucking hell!

- What did you do? - I really hurt my foot.

Because of that dumbass.

Dumbass!

Let's just calm down. Belt up.

Nice and slowly. If you yank it, it won't work.

Great.

- All right. Ready? - Ready.

I know that you think this is all a nightmare.

But it gets better in a year, I promise.

You've no idea.

Right, I've no idea...

I gave birth twice, remember.

Yes, but you have Pablo.

Sure. He was never at home and when he was, we rowed.

I'd like someone to row with.

About nappies, feeding bottles, baths,

nappy rash cream...

And to look at my pussy.

Look at your pussy?

I'm afraid to, in case it looks like a squashed burger.

Okay, got you...

It's here.

Here? Okay.

Want me to look at your pussy?

You what?

So you'd feel better. You'd see it's all normal...

- I don't want you to! - All right, then I won't.

Come on.

Mery...

I'll give a psychologist friend your number.

That again?

You have a bit of postpartum depression.

I'm not going.

It's obvious: bad temper,

you can't sleep, you can't bond with the baby.

I bond perfectly, okay?

- Okay. - How are you?

All good, Juanito? He's fine.

Okay.

Thanks for the lift.

- Have a great day, okay? - Okay.

You're a great friend.

Hi.

- You're limping. Are you okay? - I hurt myself. It's fine.

Here he is. I have to run.

- Not staying for adaptation? - I have to go to work.

But I've got all his stuff here.

Except the rash cream.

We have everything here.

So...

Have fun on your first day.

Juanito...

Well...

There, there.

Juanito...

Thanks. I just...

No worries.

What's up, Juanito?

What's up?

What's up?

No...

No...

Gari...

The bus line is out of service

and I'm waiting here for another one, then I'll have to change buses.

No need, I dropped him off.

Everything's okay. We'll go tomorrow, the three of us.

I can take the bus, huh? It'll be here soon.

I'll make it.

I've already left, I'm running late for work.

Don't worry, he's fine.

Got to go. Bye.

Hi, honey.

I know we've spoken about it and planned it, but...

Are you sure about tonight?

But it was your idea, Hun.

We don't have to go because of that.

You don't want to.

Is it Mommy?

Ask her if I can have periods.

Periods are a pain.

Don't tell her that.

- I'm gonna have periods! - Jesus...

Gotta go, they're acting up.

Pablo...

- We're going. -Sure, sure. Bye.

Two brackets, three fillings, one teeth whitening.

- Not a bad comeback, right? - No.

Not at all.

Just profiles?

- Were you looking? - Yes, sorry.

- I like swiping, it relaxes me. - And you never meet up?

No, I had a baby six months ago.

I can't hook up.

Of course you can.

My cousin's friend

was terrified of penetration afterwards

in case her bits had gone south.

Because she didn't obsess,

she found a much wider range of erotic experiences.

She's really satisfied now.

I don't know...

Nipple play, fingering, pussy eating...

Good stuff.

My pussy... Haven't looked since giving birth.

- Seriously? - Yes.

That's not good.

Right.

If you want, we can take a look together in the toilet.

You're all obsessed with seeing it.

- What's up? - It really hurts!

You have a small tear at the base of the fibula.

We're going to put a splint on your foot.

Sorry.

Hello?

Is it 3pm already?

Sorry, I had an accident and I'm in A&E.

Could you wait ten minutes?

Thanks, Claudia.

I have to go to the nursery to pick up my son.

You can be out in half an hour, but you can't walk like that.

Can someone do it for you?

Yes, of course.

I'll be right back.

Cris. Are you available for an urgent favor?

Going into a meeting, call you in an hour. Bye.

Crap, crap, crap...

Hi, what's up?

Who wants to pick up her nephew?

No, it's not me! This is my voicemail.

Fuck it, Esther.

Hi, Ricardo. No, everything is fine. Yes, yes.

I wanted to ask a favor.

You could have asked me.

- And not my dad. - I know.

Sorry.

You're right, but he has a car and it was handier, I have a sprained ankle.

So it's because I don't drive?

- What? - I'm asking...

...if you asked my dad because I don't have a car?

It's not because you don't have one, it was handier to go by car.

Okay, I'll get my drivers license and next time you ask me.

But can you get one?

- Yes. - Okay, okay.

Lots of people like me have one.

- Okay. - And I'll buy a Citröen.

- Great. - Great.

Here, Juanito. Look, this...

...is a present so you remember me when I'm not around.

Here.

Daddy has to go somewhere now.

But I love you lots, okay?

I'm leaving. I'll come back another day to bathe him.

Tomorrow is lift off! Dying for you all to meet Julia.

She's a sweetheart, you'll see. Love you. Kiss.

Do you like this one?

Yes?

All right then...

Done.

Yes.

And this guy too. Oh!

- I'm so nervous, Hun. - Me too.

Shall we go in?

Of course. We're here, let's do it.

Okay, okay. You look gorgeous.

- You too. Ring the bell. - Okay.

- It's still not too late to leave. - Do you want to?

Hi, good evening.

- Hi, how are you? - Hi.

I'm Begoña, come in.

To enter the contact zone, underwear or you go naked.

Or we have this option: sarongs.

- Oh... - They match the décor.

You must feel comfortable.

All right, hope you have fun.

It's nice, isn't it?

I expected it to be sleazier.

It's okay.

- That couple is checking us out. - Right.

Don't look at them or they might come over.

Hun...

Kiss me or something, we look all tense.

- Babe... - What?

I was staring at the couple back there, they're coming over.

- They're coming over. - It's okay.

- Here they are. - Hi.

First-timers?

- That obvious? - Yes.

We were the same the first time too.

- Right? - Yes.

- I'm Raúl. - I'm Cris.

I'm Conchi.

Marcos.

So, what do you do?

I'm an astronomer.

Really?

Does that have to do with the signs of the zodiac...?

No, no, an astronomer...

- It's to do with the universe. - Okay.

And you?

What do you do?

I'm a lawyer.

Hey, listen...

Let's have a drink, okay?

We haven't had a drink.

We didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

- No, I'm fine, really... - No, not at all.

No, no...

- See you. - Take your time.

- No, if... - We'll be around.

- Yes, I'd really like a drink. - Okay.

- Hun... - What?

- Want to go? - No, babe.

I really would like a drink.

She wasn't actually my type.

There we go!

Okay. Nighty-night.

- Hi. - Hey.

Edu.

- Maria, right? - Yeah. I buzzed you in.

- Yeah. - Come in.

So, yeah...

- How about we go to a bar? - No, thanks.

I mean, with my sprained ankle and all...

Plus, we'll be more comfy here.

Come through, it's okay.

- Nice area. - You think?

- Yeah. - Thanks, that's nice.

Yeah, you've got supermarkets and a metro station nearby.

- It's right next door. - It's great.

I got here in no time at all.

That's nice. I'm glad.

How about some wine?

- Yeah, all right. - Yeah?

I've got a delicious organic wine.

- Do you need any help? - No, stay here. Make yourself at home.

- Did you enjoy kissing that girl? - Are you serious?

Nah, of course not. I was so nervous.

Be honest, you enjoyed it a little.

I really didn't, love. Plus, it was weird with you there.

And if I hadn't been?

You were turned on.

I could recognize your horny face from a mile way.

I liked seeing other women fancying you.

- But I want to stimulate your desire. - You do stimulate my desire.

But don't you like seeing other guys fancying me?

Your wife.

Yeah, but imagining it is one thing,

and doing it is another.

Do you want us to sleep with other people?

Do you?

I mean, Cris...

I think that... if one day

we had sex with others, and only sex,

then that would be fine.

But...

...only once...

...no romance...

one wild night and that's it.

- What? - Yeah. One wild night and that's it.

- You're creating rules. - Shit, I mean...

If we're gonna do this, we should have rules.

And from time to time.

Excuse me, can I borrow a pen?

Thanks.

I know what we'll make:

an agreement.

- Agreement? - Okay?

A sex agreement?

I like that. Sex agreement.

You really do turn me on when you're in lawyer mode.

- One. Sex only. - Sex only.

- Okay? Two. - Two.

- Your turn. - More sex...

- Two? - Two...

- Go on. - Jeez, Cris...

Are we really writing this down?

- We're doing it. - Okay. Let's do it.

Two...

Always with a condom.

There we go. Goes without saying.

Always. I'll kill you if I find out you didn't use one.

Three...

See, we're doing just fine here.

- We're doing great. - Right? Yes.

- No repeat hook-ups. That's cheating. - Okay.

And don't tell me anything about them.

But I do want you to tell me.

Wait, wait, wait.

It's fine. Keep going.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

No, sorry. I just can't.

- Sorry. Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah.

- Sorry. - You?

- Is that a baby? - Yeah.

- My son. - I see.

- Yeah. - Has he been here the whole time?

- He let himself in just now. - Ah, okay.

- Sorry. - No worries.

- Let's carry on after I sing him to sleep. - No, no need.

Look, with the baby here I'm sure I'm in your way.

- No... - I think I better get going, okay?

I had a great time.

I really did.

Yes, I have to put him to sleep, anyway.

- Shall I see you out? - No, no.

- Bye. - Yeah, bye.

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"Sex agreement.

One.

Sex only.

Two...

- Always with a condom." - Pauli. Pauli. Give me that.

- Pablo. - No!

It's for grown-ups only.

- No! - Give me that. Hey, look!

- There. - Enough is enough.

- Please. - No...

Breakfast time. Put some shoes on.

Okay.

She was reading it, Hun.

- It's not funny. Not funny. - I know...

So? We're still gonna do it, then?

We wrote our names and signed it...

Then it's official.

I can't find my slippers.

- Where do we keep them? - I don't know.

- Yes, you know. - In their place. Let's go.

- Yay! Let's look for the slippers. - In their place.

We're going on a slipper hunt.

- I'm so happy. - Why is that?

Because I've saved some money

to pay the 200 euro enrollment fee,

which allows me to take as many theory classes as I want.

But have you passed the aptitude test?

No, that comes afterwards.

Once you've passed the theory exam.

- How will you learn from this book? - By studying.

- And doing loads of mini tests. - Yeah!

How many do you reckon you have to do?

- A hundred a day. - No way!.

- Yep. - Are you going to get a tutor as well?

No, babe. I want to pass by myself.

Where are we gonna go once you get your licence?

Yeah, where?

- Japan. - Hey!

Come on!

No, Albacete.

- I like it. - Perfect!

Meeting strangers at home is risky.

You meet them in hotels.

Exactly, a hotel. It's a public place.

Anyway, fine. I won't do it again.

Come on, sis.

- Why don't you speak to a therapist? - Because I'm fine.

- Hiya! - I burned the turkey.

- Gosh. - You cooked turkey?

- And stuffing. - Is your girl American?

You must be joking! She's as Catalan as they come.

What's up, bitches? It's been ages.

Well...

You're always busy.

Hi, sweetie. You're so cute. I could eat you up! I've missed you.

You should see him more often.

- Your mommy is a pain in the bum, eh? - It's true.

Nice house, Hun. I love the decorating job.

It's Julia's place. She'll be here soon.

What happened to your foot?

Nothing, I tripped.

- And why are you so made up? - It's my work make-up.

- I love your green eyeliner. - London Collection.

Let me know if you want some.

- Okay. - Babe!

You wouldn't believe the stuff people throw away.

- It's Julia. - Hi.

- Hi, how are you? Julia. - Hi.

- Maria. - Nice to meet you.

- Esther's sister. - I'm Cris.

- Nice to meet you. - Same.

It's Danish, 1950s style. It was dumped beside a skip.

- So cool. - You restore furniture?

I'm an eye doctor but that's my hobby.

- Do I get a kiss? - Yeah.

- We didn't know she worked with eyes. - But now we do.

So, as I was saying, once your eyelids are in place

they make an incision on the front of your eye,

they insert a needle into the cataract

they use ultrasound waves to break it down

and then they put in a new lens.

My cataract queen, I want to eat your cataract.

Ok, let's cut to the chase.

Where did you meet? At your practice, right?

Well, yeah.

I started to suspect something

when she kept coming to see me for vertigo problems.

Babe, you had no bloody idea.

I tried chatting her up, but it was impossible.

But can you go out with patients?

I'm not her patient anymore.

Love is love, Hun. Enough said.

- Yeah, yeah. - Here's to love.

- To love. - And to Julia.

And to Julia.

This wine is delish!

It's from a family-run winery in El Bages.

Shall I get them to send you a case?

I don't see any of your paintings. Where are they?

Stored away.

Where?

In an attic somewhere.

It's a pity. You could hang them here.

At least one, no?

- Have you seen her paintings? - Yeah, a few.

They're... lovely.

- Do you like them? - I do.

- Shall we have dessert? - Oh, yeah.

I have to get up at 7 tomorrow.

You're getting up early? That's a first.

Yeah, now I'm an early bird. Life, eh?

With all its twists and turns.

So, the wax museum wasn't for you?

I earn more working at the shop.

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

- Yeah. - Where are her paintings?

Does it matter?

Of course it matters.

Right, let's see.

Wow, with champers.

- What's going on? - We've got big news.

You're pregnant.

Yeah, triplets, stop messing.

How should I know!

You're tying the knot.

Gosh!

It had to be her who said it.

She's always beating me to it and not letting me speak.

It was still a surprise.

Congratulations, sweetie.

But when, how... what's going on?

We want a really big wedding. We don't know where but...

- Probably in the Empordà region. - Yeah.

But we do know that the theme is country.

She loves country music.

- Wow! - I'm a line dancer.

You do stuff. That's awesome.

Maria, what's up?

With me? Nothing.

Why aren't you congratulating us?

I would but I think we need some glasses first.

We can't toast without glasses.

- She's right... - No.

- Let her go. - Where are they?

On the shelf, above the sink.

Okay.

I knew it. I knew it.

- What did you know? - That you'd react like this.

Like what?

Are you upset about this?

Can't you be a normal sister and be happy for me?

I'm being helpful

and getting the glasses so that we can toast.

Say "congrats".

- Say "congrats". - No need to be aggressive.

- Congratulate us, for fuck's sake! - Chill out.

So I celebrate you marrying a stranger?

Sorry, no offense to you.

How long has it been? Four, five months?

Anyway, how rude of me.

Congrats to you both.

- What's wrong? - I'm a dick.

- Sure, congrats! - Maria, please.

- Here... - What's wrong?

Mery, Hun, what is it?

- Nothing! - What's wrong?

Stop fucking asking me what's wrong!