Original subtitles

Love Exciting and new Come aboard

We're expecting you

Life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will be making another

run. The love boat promises

something for everyone.

Set a course for it.

It's an open smile on a friendly show.

This Bower's Bradbury wedding is really going to be something, isn't it? Yeah,

those people must be loaded. Bringing an entire wedding party to Alaska for the

ceremony? Can you imagine having that kind of bread?

Only in a world without alimony.

Well, are you gentlemen looking forward to your first Alaskan cruise?

Yes, sir. I've been reading up on it. Did you know that Alaska has 5,000

glaciers, 3 million freshwater lakes... And a farming community where it is not

uncommon to find cabbages weighing more than 70 pounds.

Those Alaskans must eat an awful lot of coleslaw.

Well, is all this going to be on the exam?

Afternoon, sir. Afternoon. Mr. Smith?

Mr. Smith?

Speak up, sir.

Why on earth are you wearing that?

Because it's too heavy to carry.

Sir, I'm prepared for anything.

Ice storms, blizzards, sleet. Gopher, we are sailing from Vancouver, Canada, past

Prince Rupert on to Alaska, Juneau, Skagway, Glacier Bay, Sitka, and back to

Los Angeles.

We are not sailing to Santa's workshop.

Now, you should be due outside assisting Julie.

The Bowers-Bradbury wedding party will be arriving any time. And please, take

that off.

You look like a six-sheep dog.

Maybe I just need a flea collar.

Oh, that's okay, friend.

I've been opening doors for years.

Can't stop now just when I'm getting the hang of it.

Oh, yes, sir, Mr.

Bowers. Now, that's another thing.

Back where I come from, they call me Buddy.

Mr. Bowers is my daddy.

Thank you, Buddy, sir.

This is for getting me here from the airport on time. Oh, I can't take that,

sir. I don't care if Mrs.

Bradbury stands in the head and Mrs.

Clementine. Now, I'll pay for a society wedding and all that other stuff and

whatever else it takes for my cow to have the best, but... You get yourself a

good bottle of whiskey with that.

Oh, yes, sir. Thank you, buddy. Sir.

Hey, buddy!

Bon voyage!

That

is

Alicia Bradbury, the groom's mother.

Name sounds familiar.

She is formerly Alicia Fairchild.

Her father left her eight million dollars. Only eight? What a piker.

Which one's the father of the groom?

He's not coming to the wedding.

He's the black sheep of the family.

How do you know all this?

Captain's intuition.

And I also had a report from head office.

How's my little sister? Oh, fine, Portia.

I see you found yourself yet another colorblind hairdresser.

Yeah, well, at least I found one.

Jesting, darling, only jesting. As usual, you're impeccably groomed.

Oh, Dougie is getting married.

Can you stand it?

Are you ecstatically happy, Alicia?

Actually, I'm wondering why there aren't more flowers in this lobby.

And why only one photographer?

Well, isn't that up to the bride's family?

Charlie, the bride's only living relative spent two-thirds of his life

riding a mule through the tundra.

The only thing he could arrange is a barn dance.

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

You have volunteered to arrange everything. Yes.

And give me one... One more little guess.

You are allowing the bride's only living relative to put the bill.

What's that supposed to mean?

Of course, it's none of my business, but I hear that you've been borrowing from

Uncle Percy.

You're right, darling.

It is none of your business.

I just hope you haven't blown the whole bundle, Alicia.

Part of that money belongs to Doug, you know.

All wedding passengers, please use gate 17.

The ship will sail from Vancouver in 1,500 hours.

All aboard for Alaska.

All wedding passengers, please use gate 17.

If you ever get to L.A. again, maybe you could look me up?

Sure.

If you ever get up to Alaska,

You know, there's not all together impossible.

We have cruises, and I could get on one of them accidentally, and maybe on

purpose.

Do you work here? Yeah, I'm supposed to. I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise director.

How do you do? Cruise director, huh? Yeah.

Well, um, I'm Marv Prine. My friend Doug Bradbury's getting married. Marv Prine,

of course. Yes, you're the best man.

Well, maybe not the best, but close enough.

Have you been to Alaska often?

No.

First trip.

Oh.

Well, you know, I know a really nice restaurant in Sitka.

Well, I really haven't made my plans yet. I might look up an old friend.

Well, listen, before you say no, I have to warn you that I respond very badly to

rejection.

How do you respond to a maybe?

Oh, there's Reverend McAfee. Hi.

Good to see you.

Yes.

I always... I always hoped I'd be around to officiate at Doug's wedding.

I'll bet you never thought you'd be going to Skagway, Alaska to do it. Oh,

yes, I suppose it would have been more convenient if he'd married the girl next

door instead of the granddaughter of an Alaskan oil man.

But that merely is romantic. Oh, I agree.

However, you might get an argument from that young lady.

She was the girl next door.

Reverend! Charlie!

Oh, have you met Carol's bridesmaids? It's Nancy Birkin and Sandy... How do

you do us, Doug?

He and Carol aren't here yet.

Oh, well, I get to be better of much. Did you forget there's no shoes? Oh, no.

And look, at this time of the year, the sun stays out until almost midnight.

Well, that's extremely interesting, Isaac, but where the heck are the bride

and groom?

Well, maybe they've decided to skip the wedding and go right to the divorce.

You're about as romantic as a mud puddle, you know that?

I try.

Thank you.

Well, it's now or never.

Yeah, guess we better get on board, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Sure you wouldn't rather, Loaf?

You know I would.

Look, anything to avoid this mess.

But if it's going to make your grandfather happy and my mother happy,

hey, I'll go for it. How about you?

Let's run for it. Oh, wait a minute. No, no, come on.

Doug, stay close to me, okay?

For the rest of your life. Oh, here they are, everybody!

Doug!

Dougie, hi.

Hi. Come with me. I've got a million people you've just got to meet.

Be back.

Be back.

Hello, young fella.

Mr. Bowers. Buddy.

Buddy, this is quite a spread.

I haven't seen this much food since the day my mother quit Weight Watchers.

What does this cost to me?

You'd think they'd make the sandwiches a little bigger. This wouldn't make lunch

for a fruit fly.

Oh, sweetheart.

How's it going?

Hiya, buddy.

Well, you guys getting warmed up for the wedding to end all wedding?

Working on it.

Back in the old days in Alaska, if somebody wanted to get married, they'd

just jump over a broom and then go back and chop wood and haul water.

Grandpa, you make it sound like it was all work and no play.

But even in the old days, people had time for love.

Oh, I suppose it is. I'm just getting too old to remember.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

But I'm glad of it.

I'll leave the bill in and tune to your youngest.

That reminds me. I met this fantastic girl who works right here on the ship.

Think I'll try and interest her in a bill?

Maybe even a coup or two.

Hi, darling.

Hi.

So, how are you making out?

Okay, I guess.

A lot of crumbs in the upper crust, aren't there?

Oh, sweetheart, Mrs. B's been looking all over for you. Some relative or other

wants to give you the once-over.

I think he's an ambassador or something.

Ambassador?

Don't be nervous, dear. Just picture him in his underwear.

Ah.

I think I see the future Mrs.

Burl Smith.

Which one? Don't bother me with the details, Doc. I'm in love with both of

them. I'm glad you're not fickle.

I wonder if bigamy is legal in Alaska.

Hi. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Please accept these assorted num-nums as tokens of my

admiration and possible future affection.

Mr. Smith.

Pardon me.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

We have a lot of guests to take care of here. This is no time for a picnic.

Yes, sir.

Why don't you try the little brown ones, sir? They're either pheasant pate or

peanut butter.

On the other hand, you may not be hungry right now.

Some party, huh?

Yeah. Sort of makes you want to run right out and get married, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does.

How about it?

It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Ambassador, sir.

Good day, ladies.

Carol,

you're not supposed to shake his hand. He was going to kiss yours.

Sorry.

It's all right. I guess you have to be born to all this to understand all the

protocol. Right, Alicia?

Nobody can ever learn it all.

What the hell is he

doing here?

Carol, darling, that is Peter Bradbury, Alicia's ex, Dougie's father.

Doug, is that your father over there?

Yeah.

What are you doing here?

I'm very well, thank you, Alicia. And how are you?

Aren't you going to say something to him?

If he wants me, he can find me.

You weren't invited, Peter.

Why are you here?

I'm trying to be a father and I wanted to see my son.

What makes you think he wants to see you?

He's done well enough without you up until now.

Yes, I imagine you've seen to that.

I also intend to see that nothing interferes with this wedding.

Especially not a drunk who has suddenly decided he wants to be a father.

Well, I've been on the wagon for a long time, and you know that.

Yes.

Yes, Peter, I know that. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter now, you see. It's

just too late.

Always the ringmaster, Alicia.

Well,

I may have the same old face, but I am not the same old clown.

Anything I can do for you?

No.

No, I was just fascinated.

I've never seen a man hang himself before.

I don't know why people wear these outfits.

I look like I should be handing out menus.

You mean you're not?

I never could tie one of these things.

Well, don't look at me.

I wasn't looking at you.

Good. Who are you?

Portia Fairchild.

Oh.

Well, who are you?

Did you know they have these worms in Alaska that live in ice?

I hope they like scotch.

Did you know that Alaska was originally settled by three different groups?

The Aleuts, the Indians, and the Eskimos.

No kidding.

The name Alaska comes from the native word alieska, meaning

great land.

And did you know that there's a native term in Alaska that means quiet?

Hmm.

Zip your lip.

Fine, fine. Just don't come running to me when you want to know where the word

tundra comes from.

All right, where does the word tundra come from?

Beats me. I'm just a bartender.

I see you got it tied.

Yeah.

I like Carol.

Yeah, me too.

When her folks died, she was just a little one.

I brought her up.

You did a good job.

Give her my best shot.

Real poor, a long time.

She never complained.

I struck her lucky.

Well, there isn't anything she might want that I wouldn't give her.

Well, I'm glad she gets Doug.

He's good people.

I'll drink to that.

To Doug and Carol.

Anybody else we can drink to? I'm thirsty.

to young love.

And thank heavens we don't have to go through it again.

Sandy,

Nancy.

Nancy, Sandy.

Nancy, Sandy.

And my life savings.

Hello,

Doug. You're a hard man to find. How are you?

Fine, Dad.

Fine.

Long time no see. Yes.

This must be Carol.

That's right.

Carol, this is my father.

It's nice to meet you.

How are you?

You're a very lucky man.

Well, I won't spoil your fun.

It's very nice meeting you.

You too.

Good night.

Gosh, he seems really nice.

Carol, we've been over this before.

I just...

I have absolutely no respect for the man.

Well, maybe if you talked... Oh, Dougie, listen, they're playing our song. Why

don't we show them how we won the dance contest, huh? Oh, I don't know, Amanda.

Oh, you wouldn't mind, would you, dear?

Not at all.

Julie? You feel like dancing?

I don't think so.

I guess I'm just not in the mood tonight.

Oh.

Okay.

What are you in the mood for?

You sure you wouldn't rather be dancing?

Uh-uh.

Would you?

No, I'd rather...

I'd rather be kissing you.

Julie?

Marv. Yeah, Marv.

Marv, can I take a rain check?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks. I'll see you later. Okay.

Excuse me.

The kid's crazy about me.

Yes. May I?

Of course.

Thank you.

Captain, I'm Peter Bradbury, the groom's father.

Well, how do you do?

Fine, thank you.

Actually, I came to turn myself in.

I am by way of being what you'd call a stowaway.

I don't understand.

Well, I didn't know about my son's wedding until I read it on the society

page.

I was quite prepared to pay for my passage.

But when I inquired about this cruise, I found out it had been sold out months

ago, solid.

So I got the silly idea that I'd show up anyway and perhaps find a place to

sleep.

You see, it's important that I see my son.

Have you?

Yes.

I get off at the ship's next port of call.

What, and miss the wedding?

Captain, I don't belong here.

One of the nice things about being captain is there's nobody around to yell

at me if I bend the rules.

Tonight you can stay in my cabin.

Tomorrow I'll see if I can find you private accommodations.

Well, that's very kind of you, but it's quite... Or I could give you a blanket

and you could sleep in a lifeboat.

I can't wait to see your cabin.

Don't tell me.

You're contemplating forgetting the marriage and running off to become some

exotic dancer in a Skagway saloon.

Can we talk a minute?

Sure. What's up?

Natalie. She's really getting to me.

Yeah, I kind of thought so.

Well, I've known for a long time how she feels about you and all, but I don't

know. She's just never been this blatant.

Carol, look.

Natalie has been kicked around from pillar to post by her folks.

They used to park her with us every summer.

Yeah, I know, but I just... I grew up with her.

I've traveled halfway around the world with her.

And I like her.

Most of all, most of all, I feel sorry for her.

She's in love with you.

Carol, she does not know the meaning of the word.

Be fair.

Be careful.

People are going to talk.

And what about your dad?

That?

My lovely lady is a closed subject.

Yeah. What do you say we go get some breakfast?

Well, I really think you should... Come on. We'll have champagne and caviar.

Yeah. Fish eggs for breakfast. Sure. Come on. I think I'll have mine.

Scramble. Okay.

You know, after a while, I realized there was a hell of a lot more

to life than just the bottom of a whiskey glass.

So I went back to teaching.

That thing looked pretty rosy.

Except for a few odds and ends.

When we first started out, Alicia and I, we were just two kids, madly in love

with each other.

The father at that time had all the money.

That was his problem.

But I loved talking to her. I loved being with her. I loved looking at her.

And even now, with all we've been through, I still can't say I've met

anyone like her.

My poor Alicia.

the mountain, all those millions.

I thought you told me you were here to see your son.

Oh, I did.

Well, you know, weddings tend to make you sentimental.

Oh, by the way, would you mind pointing me to the doctor's office?

I have a prescription which must be refilled. Well, I'll take care of it for

you. Thank you.

Oh, I've arranged for a cabin for you. One of our passengers had to fly home on

business. Well, thank you, man. Thank you very much.

I feel I've made a friend.

So do I.

Did you know we sailed past Prince Rupert last night?

Yes.

And? And what?

Well, don't you have any facts about Prince Rupert? No, but I can look

something up. No, no, no.

Have you ever wondered about Prince Rupert?

I haven't even wondered about Princess Grace.

Oh, say, uh, listen, uh, what's this trousseau to you're setting up?

Oh, uh, well, this is, uh, it's an old tradition. The gifts are laid out for

the guests to ooh and ah over here.

That's why Mrs. Bradbury wanted them gifts locked aboard, huh?

You mean you didn't have anything like this when you got married, huh?

Ah, me?

Pretty tough to make an impression with two snowshoes and a washboard.

Well, look on the bright side. Could have been two washboards and one

snowshoe.

Thank you.

You know, you never gave me your answer.

About what?

Dinner in Sitka.

All I got was a maybe.

Oh, I don't think so, Mark.

It's another guy, right?

Mm-hmm.

Every time I like a girl, there's another guy.

I like you.

Right, I like a brother.

I've memorized the speech.

I've got so many sisters, I could start my own sorority.

This other guy, does he live in Sitka?

Yes.

Is it serious?

It was. He asked me to marry him.

That's pretty serious.

Yeah, but he has two daughters, and I didn't think I was ready to become a

wife and a mother all at once, so I said no.

But now you're thinking about changing your no to a yes.

I'm thinking about it.

You know what this means, don't you?

What?

We'll have to have dinner in Juneau.

I think

that one's a refrigerator.

How could you possibly put a cast iron hibachi next to a sterling silver tea

set?

You told me to arrange the gifts, I arranged the gifts.

I should have remembered you have the taste of a longshoreman.

What's the botch I gave the kids doing over there?

I was just moving it. I thought it would look lovely over here by the tea set.

Oh,

come on. You didn't

really give this to them, did you?

No, I just kind of like the way it looked over here.

What do you know?

A moldy old prospector from the boonies.

Mrs.

Bradbury. Oh, yeah? There's a ship-to-shore phone call coming in for

you. I think it's your broker.

Now, it will take about 15 minutes to make the connection, so they'll bring

you in your cabin, all right?

Bye. Thank you. You're welcome.

Carol, dear, I have a phone call coming in. I'm afraid I have to leave.

Oh, well, I'll take care of it. Natalie, you've been to a million of these

things. Hold down the fort for me, will you? Of course I will. Thank you.

Isn't this pretty?

Oh, it's one of my favorite gifts.

Oh, yes.

I have one just like it. Oh, really?

Yes. It was a gift.

From Doug.

Well, have you made your choice yet?

The future Mrs. Smith.

Which is the lucky girl?

Doug, I've hardly had a chance to get near either one of them. This wedding is

interfering with a potentially beautiful romance.

Well, you better make up your mind soon.

Well, let's see.

Mr. Smith to the person's lobby.

Mr. Smith to the person's lobby, please.

Maybe I was meant to be a monk.

You can taste it if you like.

No.

I believe you.

I'm sorry.

Why, Dad?

Why'd you have to change from being my father into some kind of... Got lush?

Well, I got mixed up in a triangle, I suppose.

Alicia, me, Alicia's money.

It's awfully hard on a man when his wife pays all the bills.

That's great.

Blame everything on Mom.

I'm not blaming anything on anyone.

I take full responsibility for my life.

I'm only sorry that I hurt you.

It was never that I didn't care.

Just as I couldn't cope.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Even if I sold the house?

I'm sorry, Alicia.

That's it.

You're at rock bottom.

Well, then, I guess there's nothing else to do.

Declare bankruptcy.

But not for another three days.

Three days.

You've got to hold him off that long.

Oh. Howdy.

Howdy.

Howdy yourself.

Hey, hey, doesn't it ever get dark around here?

Dark around here?

Yeah. Ma'am, I gotta tell you something. This is God's country. Even the sun

can't stand to leave.

Hey, where's your dinner jacket? Aren't you gonna go to the party?

I just couldn't face wrestling that tie again.

Oh, yeah?

Did you ever try getting into a girdle?

No, never mind.

No.

Make a deal with you. What?

Next time you help me with my pine, I'll help you with your girdle.

No deal.

Say, I'm going to go a little exploring.

Would you like to... Sure, why not?

We're too old to get in any trouble anyway, wouldn't you say?

Of course you... I like the way you think.

Has Cinderella left the ball?

Oh, Peter.

Please, I'm in no mood to match wits with you tonight.

All right.

I talked to Doug today.

He's a wonderful boy, Alicia.

And all the credit should go to you.

We raised him single-handedly.

And you should be very proud.

Thank you, Peter.

Thank you very much.

Captain! How are you? It's fine. How are you? Okay.

Oh, look. Can you, uh, school that for me?

Bradbury, relative of the groom? The father.

Oh.

Adam? This prescription is for Dilaudid.

It's an extremely strong painkiller.

Usually used for terminal patients.

Welcome to Juneau, the capital of Alaska and home of the world-famous Mendenhall

Glacier. We hope you enjoy your day.

Lady, you must be in love.

You don't even have enough sense to come in out of the rain.

I am in love.

Well,

what do you think? One more day till the big event.

Yeah, if I make it. What?

I mean, some people aren't cut out for all these parties and events and things,

even though your friend Natalie seems to thrive on them. Wait a minute.

My diagnosis is that you are suffering from an overdose of high living.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. And what you need is some clean, fresh air. Okay. So we're on

your home turf, so show me Alaska.

All right.

Man, you won't believe the spot I found for our picnic in Juneau. Where?

Juneau. No, I don't know. That's why I'm asking.

Funny. Worked for Abbott and Costello.

Sandy, hey.

Listen, I was wondering if tonight... Mr. Smith. What?

Sir.

Hi, Alicia.

Looking for me?

Peter. Oh, no, actually, I wasn't.

Well, I'm sorry I sort of spoiled your trip for you.

What's done is done.

I'm sure we shall all survive.

Yes.

It is rather beautiful, though, isn't it?

Even though it is raining.

Yes, it is.

It reminds me of that cabin we rented once up in the North Woods.

That was a long time ago.

Oh, yes.

We did have some fun, though, didn't we?

Yes, we did.

Oh, I have to go.

What's the rush?

Well, there's the wedding rehearsal and Doug's bachelor dinner and the

bridesmaids' party. Oh, wait a while.

You mean not show up?

Sure, why not?

Peter, you don't understand. This is important. I spent months planning.

Yes, you're the world's greatest planner.

Parties, lives, finances.

The trick is to stop planning and start living.

Oh, you're hopeless.

Oh, no. On the contrary.

I'm full of hope.

I'll take you back to your wedding.

Oh.

Alaska king crab.

Mmm. A meal fit for a king.

Or a doctor.

Julie, what'd you put in this mustard sauce?

Uh, mustard and sauce. Hey, I think it'll take a while. Let me see this for

a minute.

Okay.

What this place needs?

Nothing. Right on.

Sitka, this is Juno.

Yeah, well...

I was just interested in this one particular town, and that's all.

For any specific reason? The weather, the scenery, the people?

The guy from Sitka that you almost married last year?

Jack?

I haven't thought of anything else since we left Vancouver.

The wedding is really getting to you, huh?

Well, maybe the wedding got me started thinking, but what's wrong with that?

Julie, there are a lot of good reasons for wanting to get married, but I don't

think keeping up with the Bradberries is one of them. Do you?

Jack Chenault is the most wonderful man I ever met, and he asked me to marry

him.

How many chances like that does a girl get?

But I thought you decided... I know what I decided.

Well, it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind, isn't it?

Oh, sure.

Matter of fact, my uncle used to say that a woman's mind is kind of like

motor oil.

If it isn't changed often enough, it gets all gummy and sludgy.

My uncle was great with cars, but lousy with women.

I know it's kind of soggy today, but how do you like it so far? Oh, God, it's

beautiful.

It was almost worth it letting you drag me all the way up here to see it.

I dragged you?

I asked you if you wanted to come along.

I'd have come here with you or without you.

Oh, yeah, well, I didn't have anything better to do anyway.

Well, you never saw anything like that in Paris or Rome, now, did you? Boy, I

never saw anything like that anyplace.

I can see why you love it so much.

You know, I... I remember one time I came here with my wife, Lillian. And we

were standing, I guess, you know, around where we're standing now.

And all of a sudden, the most beautiful rainbow came off that glacier.

And it was so beautiful.

We just stood here and cried.

What happened to your wife?

She passed away.

What about you?

How come you never got hitched? I guess I just never stayed in one place long

enough to get hooked.

So, you never took the plunge again, huh?

Just never came up.

Well, you get older, and you figure... Well, once is

enough for any man.

Of course, I had Carol to take care of.

Oh, sure, yeah.

I got plenty to keep me busy.

Plenty.

Portia? I don't quite know how to say this, but...

I'm beginning... I'm beginning...

To catch pneumonia.

Yeah.

Let's get back to the ship.