Original subtitles

[music] [background noise]

[whistle blows]

[background noise]

[whistle blows]

[background noise]

[whistle blows]

[car honking]

[car honking]

[car honking]

[music]

[motorcycles revving]

[music]

-Wow.

We must have raised the temperature up to 20 degrees.

-Welcome to the submarine club.

You passed the test with flying colors.

-Oh, if I'd known it was that good underwater,

I'd have joined long ago.

-Let's go down for another crash dive.

Hey, the rest of the gang.

Hey, did you guys get all the pop?

-Take a deep breath, Ollie, baby.

I got four pockets full.

-Well, you ready to fly, Genoa?

-Oh, let's crash dive once more first.

-Save it for later, sailor.

Let's sink the ship and join the air force.

-You got the colors for this happening?

-Have I got the colors?

I'll make you a masterpiece.

What's your pleasure, treasure?

-Color me red, red hot.

[music] [water splashing]

[music]

[music] [water splashing]

[music]

-Oh, come on back down, Ollie.

-Oh, damn.

Cool it, will you?

Even the super chief has to stop sometimes.

Hey, what do you say, let's get out of this puddle?

-Last one there...

[music]

[music]

-Hey, Chickie, you must be heading over the hill.

Smiley's over there putting his smile on greener grass.

[laughs]

[music]

-That little bitch.

I'll chop it off.

[music]

[laughter]

[music]

[laughter]

[music]

-Come on, Chickie, that was totally planned.

-You son of a gun, Scott, I'll chop it off.

-The only thing that's going to get chopped, Chickie, is you.

[music]

-Man, you know, I never really saw quicksand before.

-Goodbye, girl.

I guess I'll paint you dead.

-Okay, trash,

I'll see you all downstairs.

Soon, I hope.

-I'm sorry I hit you so hard, Smiley.

-That's okay, Chickie.

Just don't do it again.

[laughter]

-All right, that's enough laughs.

Let's get on with our search for the White Pyramid.

[music]

-Hey, Artie, stack the paint.

Let's roll.

[music]

[motorcycles revving]

[music]

[motorcycles revving]

-Hmm.

Me winnum.

-Put that back.

Put it back.

Put it back, I said.

-What matter?

-You know, dang blasted well Indians aren't supposed to win around here.

-Indians no winnum?

-That's right.

No way.

-Where you come from?

Hey, me been thinking, better fix roof.

-Right here.

-Hmm.

-Uh-uh.

[music]

[music] [motorcycles revving]

[music]

[music] [motorcycles revving]

[music]

[music] [motorcycles revving]

[motorcycles revving]

-Hey, man, any of you guys got any bread?

-Hell, man, I'm broke.

-Flat, man.

-Hell, man, I'm on advanced steps to the poorhouse.

-Okay, Skag, get it on the road.

We gotta hit a sucker.

[music]

Come on, come on.

[music]

-Something's moving this way.

[music]

-Hello, honey.

You got room for some sex-starved females?

-Sure. Hop in.

I'm going any place you are.

[chuckles]

[music]

-You wouldn't happen to have a spare match in your breast pocket,

would you, baby?

[music]

Thank you.

-That's quite all right, sweetie.

-Hey, what?

[music]

[music] [motorcycles revving]

[music]

[music] [motorcycles revving]

[music]

[music] [motorcycles revving]

[music]

-Name? -Marsha?

-I thought so. -What's yours?

-John.

-It had to be.

[music]

-I've got four aces.

-I got four kings.

-I've got, pardon the expression, four queens.

-And I've got five big jacks.

And the name of the game, please.

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

-Yoo-hoo.

Hey, come on, fellas.

Come on out.

What'd you forget about me?

First, you lose me on the motorcycles, and then I lose my girl in the quicksand.

Hey, fellas, I have an idea.

Why don't we all do something else, huh?

I'm bored and lonely.

-Hey, Artie, take a walk.

Better yet, take a shower.

-Yeah, take a cold shower, Artie.

[laughter]

-Very funny.

Take a walk, Artie.

Take a cold shower, Artie.

Very funny.

Who needs girls anyway?

There's more important and exciting things in life than girls.

[laughter]

[laughter]

-There's girls.

-Bye, Artie. -Take a walk, Artie.

Take a cold shower, Artie.

[laughter]

[music]

-Well, I'll be damned.

Would you look at that?

[laughter]

[humming]

[vocalizing]

[vocalizing]

And where are you? [singing]

Oh, there you are.

Oh, I'm calling you.

And you're calling me.

[laughs]

Wonderful, wonderful.

Oh, boy, take a cold shower.

[singing]

Hello?

-Hello-um.

-I mean, hello-um, Kemo Sabe.

Say, you wouldn't happen to have a towel, would you?

-Yes.

-Oh, you do?

Hey, that's great, Indian.

Thank you.

-Why you take-um cold shower?

-Well,

you see, I'm with this bunch of guys down at the pipe,

and they all have girls except me.

Girls,

you Kemo Sabe girls?

-Me Kemo Sabe girls.

You want-um, girl?

Sure, you got one?

How much money you got-um?

-Money? Well,

let's see now.

I got $27 and one trading stamp.

-Girl cost you $27 and one trading stamp.

-Oh, wait a minute, Chief.

Those are pretty high prices for a short timer.

-No short timer.

You get to keep them.

-Keep them? Really?

Hey, that's great. Here's your dough.

Hey, wait a minute.

You're no Indian, giver.

All right, here.

Okay, where's the girl?

-First, what kind of girl you want-um?

-You mean I got a choice?

Well,

I had a girl.

Man, was she great. -No, tell them out loud.

Whisper in ear-um.

No, whisper in the bad ear, in the good ear-um.

[laughter]

-Hey, that's my girl.

-What? -Oh, me joking.

[laughter]

-Here, cut that out, Chief.

What's the matter with you?

I'm not a girl.

-Oh, me like them boys too.

Okay, you want a girl?

Me dance-um.

[chanting]

-Give me back my $27.

-Oops, make-um mistake-um.

[chanting]

-It's girl. It's girl.

[music]

-You sure you never had a twin sister?

Come on, I got to tell the gang about this.

[music]

-Hey, fellas, girls, come on out.

Come on out.

Listen, I was taking a cold shower under this tree, see?

Then the Indian comes by, and I said, "Kemo sabe,

you got towels, dry myself?"

He says, "You want girl?"

I says, "Yes, I want a girl."

Then he goes,

[shouts]

And then he goes, poof.

-Just poof.

-Yeah, just poof.

You believe it?

[laughter]

[music] -I'm a virgin, you know.

-How nice.

Are you married? -Yes.

-Any children?

-Three boys.

-Impossible.

-What?

Are you calling me a liar?

-No, I mean, with impossible luck I have to have met such a phenomenon.

-You will be gentle.

-Of course.

[music]

[motorcycle engines revving]

-Damn, damn.

Hot damn.

-This is what I think it is.

-L.

-S.

-D.

-Let's get it.

[music]

-Artie?

Artie, what are you doing here? -Artie.

Oh, wow.

[laughs]

-Artie.

[laughs] [laughter]

[distorted electric sound]

[laughter]

-How did you get here, Artie?

Artie.

-Artie. [laughter]

-Tell me, baby.

-[screams]

[laughs]

[laughter]

[distorted electric sound]

[laughter] [distorted electric sound]

[laughter] [distorted electric sound]

[distorted electric sound]

[moaning] [groaning]

[groaning]

{laughs}

[groaning] [moaning]

[laughs]

[distorted electric sound]

[groaning]

[laughs]

[music] [drum sounds]

-Everybody now, huff in.

[inhaling sounds]

-Hold it.

Hold it.

[moaning]

Hold it.

Hold it.

Now.

[exhaling sounds]

[laughter]

[distorted electric sound]

[music]

-Hey, fellas.

Hey, you want anything?

-Yes. -Yes, yes, yes.

-All right.

Just make a wish, anything you want.

-Anything? -Anything?

Oh, no. Anything?

-I mean it, any wish.

Big Jack, come here. -Yes?

-Make a wish, any wish.

Go ahead. -All right, let me give you this.

I've always wanted to make it with my boss's wife.

I'll tell you why.

She's my next-door neighbor, and, oh, devil,

she's got the--ooh,

and what I could do with that woman.

I always-- -You've only to take a bite.

A bite.

Come on, that's it.

Then take a bite.

[music]

-Hiya, Norma.

I thought I'd stop by to say hello to you.

[music]

-Well, Jack, I'm surprised at you.

For two years, I've been hoping you'd come over.

Well, aren't you going to seduce me?

-What?

-I said,

"Are you going to seduce me?"

-Well, I've thought about it.

-Okay, take your clothes off.

-Wait a minute, I can't just take my clothes off.

-Why not?

-Well, I need a little romance, Norma.

You know, when a guy and a girl are alone,

there's kind of an electricity between them,

like a magnet drawing them together.

You kiss, and then you--

-Let's get to there, then, right now.

-We need a little time, Norma.

-Well, if we've got to argue about it, let's forget it.

-Well, could we at least kiss once, Norma?

-Let me help you.

-Wait a minute, Norma.

Now, this is crazy.

Now, stop this.

I just can't make love on demand.

-Why not?

Well, look at it this way now.

A man comes home from work,

his wife says to him, "Now, let me see, now.

4:30, we're going to have lunch,

5:30, we're going to wash the dishes,

6:30, we're going to make love,

and 7:30, we're going to bed."

And the next thing you know, the cops will be driving around saying,

"All right, you can make love.

You have exactly 10 minutes."

Instead of parking meters, you know what they're going to have?

Love meters.

-Shut up.

-[sighs] I don't know, I guess you just can't win.

[music]

[whistling sound] [distorted electric sound]

[music]

[whistling sound]

[music]

[whistling sound]

[music]

[whistling sound] [music]

[whistling sound] [distorted electric sound]

[distorted electric sound]

[moaning]

[distorted electric sound]

[moaning]

[suspenseful music]

[music]

[background animal sounds] [music]

[gunshots]

[background animal sounds] [music]

[gunshots]

[background animal sounds] [music]

-Is that you, Father?

[background animal sounds] [music]

[gunshots]

[background animal sounds] [music]

-Daddy, let's not play hide and seek.

Let's play the same game we played in the woodshed when I was 15,

remember?

[background animal sounds] [music]

[revolver sound]

-Give me the gun, Chickie.

[background animal sounds] [music]

-Father, you've won again.

[whistling sound]

[music]

[moaning] [music]

[moaning] [music]

[moaning] [music]

[moaning] [music]

[moaning]

[distorted electric sound]

[moaning]

[distorted electric sound]

[crowd moaning and groaning]

[distorted electric sound]

[crowd moaning and groaning]

[distorted electric sound]

[cock crows]

[music]

[clacking sounds]

-Hi, Fran, Chickie.

How was your weekend?

Anything exciting?

-Oh, very dull.

-Yes.

-Very dull.

[laughter]

[music]

[motorcycle revving] [music]

[music]

[credits roll]