Original subtitles

IAIN STIRLING: 'We're back, so expect the unexpected.'

Oh, my God!

Go!

'Giddy up as Gemma might say

'and get ready for an hour of thoroughbred islander action

'from Mallorca's villa of love.'

♪ I am with Pai-ai-aige

♪ Trying to get lai-ai-aid. ♪

LAUGHTER

'From fish flops...'

Oh, my God.

'..to horsey bants.'

Dancing horses. What, horses that dance?

Are you taking the piss?

'First class flirting...'

Look at my toes. Here we go.

LAUGHTER '..a little bit of farting...'

FART, LAUGHTER

'..and some strange Italian pants.'

GRUNTING

Like, what?

'Get ready for fun...'

GASPS Oh, my God.

'..games. And a whole lot of laughs...

'This is Love Is land: Unseen Bits.'

LAUGHTER

Stop, stop it!

'Welcome to Love Island: Unseen Bits.

'By now, the Islanders have been in the villa for over six days,

'and our cameras have filmed over 144 hours of their antics.

'But you've just seen around six of them,

'so let me put that right.

'I've been trawling the edit suites,

'finding hidden gems sure to make you scream...'

SCREAMS Good catch.

What is that? SCREAMS

Jesus!

'..yell...'

Oh! I'm so sorry.

'..and move.'

LAUGHTER

'So, saddle up like one of Gemma's stallions -

'not the Italian one, one of the dancing ones -

'for an hour of unmissable unseen moments from Mallorca.'

'We started the week with our Islanders

'flouting Spanish seatbelt laws.

'The bosses at ITV spent a fortune on fancy drones

'and high-tech cameras for all this,

'and they told me they wanted to get their money's worth out of it.

'And here at Unseen Bits, no slo-mo goes unwasted,

'so it's time to say, "Cue the gratuitous slo-mo!" '

♪ Can we take it back to summer

♪ Where I remember running away

♪ Take me back To where love goes... ♪

MUSIC SLOWS DOWN

'Oi! Get out of the shot and go and fetch the Whitmore.'

♪ Can we take it back to summer

♪ Where I remember, I remember... ♪

Hello, girls, how are you?

ALL: Hi! Oh, wow!

Welcome.

We asked the public to play Cupid.

Oh, my God.

You're not happy? No, absolutely not.

I can't see any good in this.

'Gemma, I can. We'll get loads of amazing telly out of it.'

Are you ready to meet our first boy?

ALL: Yes.

'Now, this was always gonna be an awkward situation,

'so I've dusted off my handy gadget, the honest subtitler...'

How are you doing?

'..which gives you lucky devils an unseen exclusive peek

'at what was really going through the Islanders' minds

'when they were coupling up.

'First up was Dublin Dami and nanny Amber.'

Amber, are you happy with the public's decision?

I suppose we'll see.

'Next was student Liam and horse lover Gemma.'

Gemma.

APPLAUSE

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, I'm good, are you? Good.

'Next, Ikenna is coupled with Indiyah.'

Indiyah.

Hi, Andrew. Hello.

'Estate agent Andrew is with Tasha.'

Happy? Very happy.

Feel like he's a bit of me.

Andrew? Yeah, very happy.

Andrew's very happy. OK, very good.

'Finally, fishmonger Luca netted paramedic Paige.'

Hi, you all right? You OK? Yeah.

Was Luca worth the wait?

We will soon see. OK.

'Wow, what an insight.

'It's almost as though those subtitles

'were written a few days later,

'once we knew what they were really thinking.'

'Then the Islanders settled down

'for some of those awkward getting-to-know-you chats,

'and I've handpicked some unseen exclusive bits

'devised to make your toes curl.'

Look at my toes.

Are you sure you want me to do that? No, honestly.

Honestly.

I had to show off.

Oh, did you get them painted? I got them done.

That's cute, why didn't you get a topcoat on your fingers?

A what? My fingers are all right. Your fingers are nice.

But how come you didn't get a topcoat on your fingers, too?

But it looks good.

I don't know, I just thought it'd look a bit too shiny.

It looks good, though. Let me see your fingers.

I've got a French tip. Is it? What does that mean?

French tip. Why is that French?

I actually don't know why it's called French tip.

HE LAUGHS But the tips are just white,

so they call it French tip.

Is it? Shall we compare our hands?

Oh, here we go. Oh!

Here we go! Here we go.

Chill, chill, chill.

What do you do?

So, I'm an international dressage rider.

You're gonna say you don't know what that is, aren't you?

Yeah, I might struggle with that one, like. International...

Dressage rider.

Dress? Dancing horses.

What are you... What do you mean, dancing horses?

Are you taking the piss? Dancing horses?

Have you not seen, like, horses... Like... dancing horses.

What, horses that dance? Yeah, that I make dance.

You make horses dance? Yeah.

You mean proper dance, like giving a bit to a song and stuff?

What do you mean?

Yeah. No, so...

SHE LAUGHS

Do people think you're American sometimes?

Yeah, sometimes. Why?

I don't know, it's cos of my accent.

But you know, I can do an Irish accent as well. Go on, do it.

IRISH ACCENT: You all right there? Do you want a go, do ye?

SHE LAUGHS

You want a fight, do ye? Do you want a fight?

Good one. Tirty-one, tirty-two, tirty-tree!

LAUGHTER

'Why is an Irishman doing a bad impression of an Irish accent

'to try and impress a woman? I wonder if the ladies like that?

'If I tried to do an "och wee" Scottish accent?

'Och, aye, the noo! There you go, sex on a stick.

'No, it doesn't work, it's awful.

'After all those deeply insightful icebreaking chats,

'Liam thought Gemma was horsing around.

'Well, she was, kinda.'

How did your chat go? Yeah, good. She's a good girl, like.

What does she do?

She dances horses.

Dances horses?

What, does she dress them up and stuff?

I think she just jumps on them and tells them to dance and stuff.

They just dance, yeah.

I'm picturing in my head, doing the robot and stuff.

LAUGHTER Like one is doing breakdancing.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, it's a bit mad, innit?

She must be bloody good at it.

Yeah.

She must do it at a high level.

Mate, she ain't gonna be no BTEC, innit? Yeah, fact.

'The moon is high in the sky and romance is in the air.

'In this exclusive scene,

'Ikenna has finally built up the courage

'to ask Indiyah that all-important question.'

Isn't that where the sun was?

I don't know. The things you come up with.

No! Do you not think, though...

The sun rises on this side, and then it will set over there.

And why would the moon be on that side?

Because the sun and the moon are two different things.

So, when the sun goes to sleep, the moon comes out,

so the sun is probably, like,

on the other side of the earth right now,

and then the moon is over here.

Yeah, I know that. But why, wait...

But no, the sun dropped on that side.

Yeah, because it's set now, it's gone.

It's gone to bed.

No, I'm lost.

The moon should be on that side, though.

Because the sun...

No, the moon's gonna finish on that side.

I don't know what time it is, but it's just come out.

Just came out, OK. So he needs to move over there,

and then when he's moved over there... Oh, I get you.

..the sun will come back around over here.

Is that what you learn with horoscopes?

No, I just... I just went to school.

LAUGHTER

'Just style it out, Indiyah.

'This is a man who obviously spends too much time

'looking at his questionable footwear

'instead of looking up at the stars.

'Remember the good old days of love, before sexting,

'before sliding into someone's DMs,

'before you had to go on a reality show

'to find the woman of your dreams?

'No, I don't, either.

'But Luca does, and he's only 23 years old.'

I would definitely rather go back, like 30 years, mate,

you had to have no phones and graft.

Yeah, 100%.

I would happily, 100%, rather meet a girl on the street.

It's changed, mate, it's changed. You used to have to graft.

It literally... This day and age,...

Mate, I can't do the phone bit, that's what lets me down.

I can't do the texting. I'm not a texter.

I get bored very quickly texting.

Come on, you've all got chat-up lines.

I don't think I have one. I just freestyle it.

My one, my one has never failed, never.

What is it?

Right, do you like raisins?

Like the food? Do you like raisins? No.

No? How do you feel about a date, though?

Hmm. That's cringe. I mean...

Oh, my God! Get out of here.

I had to pull it back a bit.

Do you like raisins?

I don't get it, I don't get it.

How do you feel about a date, though? I don't get it.

You're not gonna give her raisins on a date, is it?

So a raisin is similar to a date, isn't it?

What's a raisin? Raisins and dates are, like, the same thing.

The food? Yeah.

So, they're, like, similar.

Oh! That's hard!

LAUGHTER

I just got it, I just got it!

'This conversation is more nuts than raisins, if you ask me.

'So, Luca, what fish do you sell?'

I sell cod, scampi, mussels, oysters, clams, Dover sole,

plaice, bass, turbot,

anything you want in the sea, I'll get you.

'So, can Luca Bish catch fish?'

♪ When you think you've done enough Can you love me harder

♪ Cos you know I need that... ♪

IAIN: 'This is Love Island: Unseen Bits.

'The show that gives you the opportunity

'to see all the silly things the Islanders got up to

'during their first week in the villa.

'With bumps in the night...'

BANG

'..the wondrous sound of nature...'

FARTS

LAUGHTER Whoa!

What the fuck?!

Bro. Yo.

You know when you fart, yeah... I don't produce that.

'..and rare animal sightings.'

What made you go for little blonde sides?

Little skunky-monkeys. I don't know, you know.

Skunky-monkeys? Skunk stripes, skunky-monkeys.

'It never ceases to amaze me

'how quickly they forget they're on the telly.

'So, before the break, Luca showed his knowledge of fish,

'but I'm sure the question on everyone's lips is,

'is he a good catch?'

Erm, nah, not really.

I'm not great at catching fish, unfortunately.

Might be seeing me wandering the villa at night

in the pool, with my little rod out.

'I can see him now, his little hat and rod,

'sitting by the pool like a garden gnome.

'Italian culture has made a major contribution to British life.

'Cornettos, Dolmio... alphabet spaghetti.

'It's a long list, and this week, we added one "amore" name to it.'

Did anyone order an Italian snack?

'And it wasn't long before the Italian Stallion

'was engaging in a bit of flirty horseplay,

'with a game of truth or dare.'

Who wants to play a really fun game of dares?

ALL CHEERING

'Here's some unseen dares that you didn't get to see.'

"Impersonate your spirit animal."

What's a spirit animal? I'm trying to think.

Luca, Luca, you're a fish.

What noise is that? SQUEAKS

LAUGHTER

I don't know what I'm doing.

Just like a chicken or something? Yeah, go for it.

CLUCKS LIKE A CHICKEN

LAUGHTER

Why did I get that?

"Describe each Islander in one word."

Easy-peasy.

So, sassy. Ooh.

Love it.

Erm... Positive.

RBF.

Resting bitch face. LAUGHTER

Sorry. In all the nicest ways!

Miaow!

Wow. SHE LAUGHS

RBF.

Right, not beating around the bush, Gemma has a resting bitch face.

But it's not even a bad thing, cos she looks hella good with one.

It just suits her and her personality.

So I wouldn't take it as a bad thing.

I told her it wasn't a bad thing, anyway.

You know, just one of those things.

"Give a sensual massage to an Islander of your choice."

That's not bad, though. Yeah, it's not bad.

I'll give you a back... My back?

How long? As long as you want, mate. You can be there all night.

All night! LAUGHTER

"Kiss the Islanders..." Island-ERS.

Oh! Islander!

Island-ERS!

Karma was listening to you. It's plural, bro.

"..that you find most attractive."

Shit, boy.

Oh!

Ah!

I mean, the dare was to, like, just kiss anyone you found attractive,

and to be fair, all the girls in the villa are attractive.

Oh, my God, stop.

♪ I'm onto you, yeah, you I'm not your number one

♪ I saw you with her Kissing and having fun... ♪

So, yeah, I just did what it said on the tin.

'I'd call that bending the rules, Liam.'

♪ Ciao, adios, I'm done. ♪

'Rule one of Love Island - get dressed up every night,

'but hang around the kitchen eating crisps.

'Rule two - if you feel cold,

'a massive cushion will always keep you warm.

'And rule three - remember the names of your fellow Islanders.'

♪ He all about his business and his Name ain't none of your business. ♪

Run through the names with me now, quickly,

cos I literally still can't get them down.

You can't remember the names still?

Just two.

Indiyah, Paige, Gemma...

Tamara? What's her name?

Tasha. Why have I got Tamara?

But also, Amber and Georgia.

Is it? Wait, is it Georgia?

Is that her name?

Sometimes I almost forget Tasha's name, you know.

I don't know. Is it Natasha, or is it just...

Tasha. I think it's Natasha, yeah.

How do you say his name? Davide? David-a?

Andreas, right, Andreas in the... Who's Andreas?

I... How do you call him?

Davide.

Tasha. Tash. Tasha, they're calling you.

Yeah, it is.

Gemma. Gemma.

Andrew. Andrew. Yeah, Andrew and, erm, Tasha.

Davide, OK.

Huh? Andrew's personality. Who's Andrew?

LAUGHTER

'And in case any of you were in any doubt,

'my name is Lian... No, Iain. Iron.

'Ah, you've made me forget my own name now.'

'Here on Unseen Bits, we pride ourselves

'on unearthing the Islanders' juiciest secrets

'and spilling the tea on the best gossip,

'like this jaw-dropping revelation from Tasha.'

Yeah. Literally, I take the quickest showers. I'm in and out.

Are you? Yeah.

It depends if you need a shave and all that.

Obviously, yeah, if I'm shaving...

And I feel like I need to always shave now, cos, like...

Is it just me, but I feel like my hair grows really quick in the sun.

Oh, 100%. And mine's dark as well. I'm like, can we not?

I don't want a guy to be touching my leg and it's like...

Yeah, I don't want to risk it.

Do you reckon I need to shave mine?

Yeah? I just hate it.

I'm like, "Don't touch it! Don't touch my leg!"

It cringes me out. THEY LAUGH

And normally, I always wear socks to bed as well.

Do you? Yeah, like, slipper socks.

I didn't bring any cos I was like, it's gonna be warm,

I'm not gonna need slipper socks in Love Island, surely.

And I didn't wear any last night and he was trying to play footsies

and I was like, "I've not got socks on. I wanna die!"

I need to be at least ten dates in for my feet to be touching yours.

Like, come on, that's so intimate.

I was looking at the boys' toes earlier, randomly. Were you?

Yeah. They're all fine.

Just, like, had a moment of, like, I haven't seen their toes yet.

I just needed to see if they were up to shape. Oh, my gosh.

I don't like grungy toes. Grungy toes freaks me out a bit.

PAIGE LAUGHS Stop. Stop it.

What about them freaks you out?

LAUGHTER

I don't know, like, they were fine.

Luca has got, like, a bruise on one of his toenails.

I was like...

That can't put you off, that will grow out, surely!

No, it didn't. It will grow out!

Just, like, where's the bruise come from?

'Paige, you're a paramedic, you should be in there fixing it,

'not laughing at poor wee Luca and his poor wee toe.'

'We like to see all the Islanders making a splash,

'so here's an unseen pool clip of a lilo race,

'as narrated by commentators Tasha and Indiyah.'

So, three, two, one, go!

'I hope no-one gets a puncture.'

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Ikenna can't swim cos he just has to walk.

It was like Hulk in the water.

Come on, come on, come on!

Davide, come on! What are you doing? What are you doing?

To be fair, Davide surprised me with swimming.

Yeah, he's a really good swimmer. But do you know what?

I'm not surprised cos he's always in that water. Yeah, true.

He's always... He's Aquaman. Yeah!

Go on, Liam!

The boys were like, "No, we have to win this." I was like...

They need to take it down a notch because they're so competitive.

They need to chill out. Like, chill out.

Go on, keep going! Come on!

CHEERING

Gemma and her cute little legs. Yeah. But she was going fast.

She was really fast, yeah.

Go on, Gemma!

And then I was dying at Indiyah in the lilo.

Like, I had it all planned out in my head, I was like,

"Yeah, I'm gonna win this race!" I got on... Why wasn't I moving?

Indiyah, go! Go!

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Like, I was kicking, paddling, paddling. I was not moving!

I think I brought some personality to the races, you know,

splashing everywhere, not really making an impact.

Go, go, go!

Absolute... Yeah, it was chaotic.

We still won. Whoo!

CHEERING

Campeones!

IAIN: 'I guess the only winner here is the noble sport of lilo racing.

'Luca, take a bow, son.'

Girls, I just found a grey hair. No way.

Genuine. Look. Look how it just starts going...

Three days in here and you've got...

That's the amount of stress I'm under.

How old are you? 24, hon.

This is what happens when you get into your 20s.

They say if you pull it, you'll get three in the same place.

So think wisely what you want to do.

Oh, that's going.

Or just rip it out. Are you mad? That will hurt.

So will plucking it. No, I'm gonna cut it.

It's only one, right? Gal, it's one at the top of my head.

Do you want me to yank it for you? Go on, then.

Just that one, though, don't pull any other ones out.

Like, "You bitch!"

Yeah, just get one. Oh, my God, it's grey at the root

and then it's black. It's quite cool. I like it.

Erm... you try having a random grey hair.

Right, you want to get rid of her. Do you want to say any last words?

Farewell, don't fucking come back.

No more, please. Ready?

Wish me all the best in life. Three, two, one...

Ow.

LAUGHTER

Aw. Just have a good look.

Look at that. Eurgh!

That's mad, isn't it? That's crazy.

How it just stops.

Like, not even a gradual change of colour, just black and then white.

That's quite cool.

I don't think it's cool, personally. I think it's depressing.

'This is Love Island: Unseen Bits.

'The show where we bring you exclusive unseen clips...

'..with all the moves you want to see...'

CHEERING

LAUGHTER

'..and all the moves you don't.'

This is wonky.

Your name? No, not mine, hers.

Hers? Her name.

Because it's getting moved, mate.

LAUGHTER

'And in the end, Gemma's bed was made for her...'

Gemma.

'..when she was Davide's top pick.

'However...

'here's an exclusive unseen clip.'

Now we can, because a second before, I didn't have it,

and then I go, so...

Hairdryer upstairs.

Better.

'OK, here's a question for you.

'How many boys does it take to make a cup of tea?

'And here's your answer.'

Amber, what do you think about these glasses?

Oh, they're cute. I feel like that finishes the vibe.

Do you want any drinks, any of you?

A cup of tea, please.

Tea.

Peppermint, please.

Peppermint. Anything else?

Actually, can I have water, please?

Tea, water, peppermint tea.

Thank you. Thank you.

So, what was it? Two coffees. I'll do the water.

That was cute of them.

Tea, coffee, water?

Does anyone know how to make coffee? No.

Are we just, like, guessing it?

Do you put the spoon in first or after?

What do you mean, the spoon? The one spoonful.

Do you put the water in first or the coffee? The coffee first.

Hang on, did you ask preference? Like it strong, weak?

Are you winding me up?

Just try, man. See what they say, innit?

Girls always like it creamy, man.

Luca, do that little love heart thing, man. That's what you do.

Right, we've done one coffee. Does she want coffee?