Original subtitles

What's going on here?

Well, we are scouring photos of Nancy's ancestral home

in the hopes of finding the portrait featuring

the necklace that proves that Nancy is the lost princess.

And if we can prove that,

Woodstone shall gain landmark status

and be spared from demolition

by the rapacious water company Ever Creek.

Man, how long was I watching that caterpillar eat that leaf?

Yep, those are my old digs.

You see that window? That was my bedroom,

and that window was my second bedroom.

And there's my cake room

where I stored and ate my cakes.

You lived in a castle filled with cakes, and you ran away?

Mistakes were made, Pete.

Who told you to die wearing those shorts, huh?

Nobody's perfect.

Damn it, no one

will pick up the phone at that damn castle.

I don't understand, isn't it like a tourist attraction now?

Can't you book tours there?

Well, the website says they do tours, but it also says

"Come celebrate the millennium with us,"

so I'm not sure how frequently they update it.

Somebody must be working there.

I mean, there's recent Yelp reviews.

Dorothy M. raves about the clean bathrooms.

Oh, now, that is

a welcome change from my day.

All that cake had to go somewhere.

Okay, so no one's picking up the phone.

Samantha, have you tried sending a telegram?

Or why not a carrier pigeon?

Over the Atlantic?

You'd send that bird to a watery grave.

I've sent several emails.

No one will write back.

Look, we have less than 72 hours to find that portrait

of Fancy Nancy wearing that necklace.

It sounds extreme, but I think we may have to go to England.

- I think you might be right. - Oh,

might be advantageous to have Peter join.

He's proven valuable to have on trips before.

Oh, let me, let me check my schedule.

- Available. - Great.

- Pete's gonna join. - A little Thanksgiving redo.

British style.

♪ I'm Henry the Eighth, I am ♪

♪ Henry the Eighth I am, I am. ♪

Jay, we should leave for the airport!

Okay, so, once again, an elevator is called a lift,

an apartment is a flat,

and a cigarette-- now, this one's weird...

Okay, Pete, I don't think that's going

to come up a lot, but thanks for your help.

Hey, while you guys

are over there, can you pop over

and check in on my daughter?

And by "check in,"

I mean "keep any creepy French guys

and their baguettes away from her,"

if you know what I mean.

Thor get innuendo big-time.

I suppose, once we have the proof we need,

we could pop to "Paree" for a quick visite.

Ooh, no can do, Sammy.

I mean, Europe's no hop, skip.

I-I don't want to press my luck with my ghost powers.

I can't make a bunch of side trips while we're there,

or else my baguette will start to disappear.

Once again, Thor grasp.

This guy, keeping up.

Plus we got a big day coming up when Pete returns--

the one-year anniversary of when we started dating.

Our first non-facepalm kiss.

It's a good lesson for the kids out there--

if you try to kiss someone and they resist, just keep trying.

I'm not sure that's the takeaway.

Huh.

Paula?

Ooh, the Hollywood producer? Get it, Sam.

Hello.

What the hell? Did you call me?

No, uh, I think you called me.

- This is a hot start. - I was trying to copy

your email.

They put the damn video button so close.

Why do they do that?

Anyway, I have news.

It's about your movie script Polar Opposites.

Oh, if I had known this was a video call,

I would have encouraged a wardrobe change,

but you're doing great.

I showed it to the studio, they loved it.

Oh, my God, really?

Ooh, does that mean they're going to buy it?

Hey, Paula, I just got here.

Hey, Jay.

No, they're not buying it yet,

but they want to continue the conversation.

Oh, we gonna be so rich.

Aquarium wall, here we come.

The studio wants a franchise.

I won't bore you with the details,

but basically, they want to know what the next two films

in the P.O. trilogy are going to be.

I can start putting together some ideas.

Uh, but can it wait till next week?

I've got sort of a big couple of days.

No, we need to get on a Zoom this weekend.

There was an incident on the set of Christmas in Cabo.

Turns out, Mario Lopez does not work with dolphins.

Anyway, they're looking to fast-track

its replacement, so can you do it or not?

Don't worry about England, babe.

I'll go. You got this.

- I'll get to noodling, Paula. - Great.

Thanks, Sam.

All right, Pete, looks like it's you and me, buddy.

Let's ride.

- How's this going to work? - Didn't Jay almost

kill Pete on a trip to the market?

We'll call Kyle.

Now, if you'll follow me,

I'll give you a tour of the dungeon.

Hey, hang back a sec.

Man, what a tour.

I can't believe I didn't know the difference

between a longsword and a broadsword.

I mean, it's negligible but interesting.

Have you seen Nancy's painting? 'Cause I'm starting to realize

I don't know what she looks like.

Kyle, focus.

Oh, sorry, I just flew to England at the drop of a hat

to help you, so excuse me if I need to move a teeth cleaning.

Look at this suit of armor.

How you doing there, tin can?

Not so great, to be honest.

- Oh. - I've got this very specific itch

that I haven't been able to scratch for 600 years now.

Whoa, Jay, there's a suit of armor ghost.

Seriously? That is so damn cool.

How did he die?

Was it jousting or, like, fighting a dragon?

Sadly, no.

As soon as I got all this stuff on,

I was leaning over to scratch me bum,

lost me balance, and... fell down the stairs.

It was a noble death.

Hey, guys, um, here in England

we all like to stick together on a tour,

so if you could kindly follow. Yeah?

- Yeah, that would be brill. - You know, we were

kinda interested in seeing some old portraits.

Would that be part of the tour?

Oh, sorry.

There was a big fire in the '70s.

The lady of the house left an unattended crumpet

in the toaster.

All the tapestries and portraiture were lost.

Anyway, please follow me to the dungeon.

Uh, actually, I think we were just here to see the paintings,

so we're probably going to head out.

Suit yourself,

but for five quid, you can take your picture on the rack.

I mean, the painting thing is obviously a setback,

but take it from a guy who's been

to his share of Ren faires--

you're not gonna find a better rack price than that.

We need that Nancy painting.

This is a disaster.

What are we going to do?

I think there's a gift shop.

Maybe they sell a book with a picture

of Princess Adeline's portrait.

I also wouldn't say no to smelling a bag of prawn crisps.

You're looking for Princess Adeline's portrait?

Yeah, we actually know her.

She goes by Nancy now and she's dressed in a potato sack.

Oh, I would kill to have died in a potato sack.

Oh, I bet she's just able to itch everywhere, huh?

Yeah, and she does.

What, is the suit of armor saying something?

Can you ask him how he went to the bathroom in that thing?

Was it a complete removal, or is there a little latch?

I know the portrait you speak of.

He's saying he remembers the portrait.

Uh, is she wearing this necklace in it?

Yes, yes, that very one,

but despite what the tour guide said,

it was not destroyed in the Great Crumpet Fire of 1973.

That's because a few years before the dread event,

it was donated to the Museum of England in London.

He's saying it didn't burn, it's in a museum now.

- Amazing. - All right, let's go take

that picture on that rack and then we can get going.

You don't even show up in pictures.

Yeah, but I'll know I was there.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

Sam's waiting to see how the studio liked her pitch

for what a Polar Opposites trilogy might look like.

- Ah. - She have high hopes

even though things generally not work out for her.

Honestly, is kind of sad.

You got this.

Well, I've got good news.

You killed that pitch, Sam.

Yes.

Really, they like it?

- That's amazing. - They have a few thoughts,

but nothing that's going to be that hard to execute.

This is all great to hear, Paula.

We'll ideate and then talk next steps.

And I've got more good news.

Have you ever heard of Aline Brosh McKenna?

She wrote a little movie called Devil Wears Prada?

Thor love that movie!

It's inspiring story of Anne Hathaway overcoming

boring boyfriend who only talk about Jarlsberg.

Yeah, I love that movie.

- What about Aline? - Well,

we're in talks to have her do the rewrite

and hopefully the sequels.

I'm confused.

You want someone else to write my movie?

What are you doing?

Is Thor's impression of Dragon Lady

when she not like dress from James Holt collection.

Look, this is a win.

They still want to buy your movie.

I don't know, I need to think about it.

Okay, but if you're not okay

with us bringing someone else in,

this whole thing could go away.

Thank you, Paula, I'll be in touch.

Yeah, we're going to huddle on our end,

and we'll ping you back by EOD tomorrow.

Hey, sorry to bother you. We're looking for a painting

that we didn't see on display in the museum.

Give me a second.

I'm reeling in a big fish on a dating app.

She's a bit older, still fit.

Sure, good luck with her.

You know, they should really slap a content warning

on that antiquities wing.

Some of the scenes depicted on those urns...

I mean, what was that swan doing to that lady?

Archives.

Peter.

Oh, my God, Amunhotep.

I think Pete ran into one of his friends-- Amunhotep.

Mummy ghost, nice.

Uh, he tried to destroy my squash with locusts,

but we're cool now.

- What are you doing here? - My mummified remains are part

of a touring exhibit-- kind of the centerpiece, actually.

It must be difficult being separated from your wife again,

so soon after being reunited.

It is not the worst thing to get a little space.

When you are apart from someone for three millennia,

you tend to focus on their good qualities

and forget how much they talk about cats.

Ah.

Hey, uh, sorry, we're looking

for a portrait of Princess Adeline Marie Dunham of Bedford,

and it would have been donated in the early '70s.

Adeline Marie Dunham

of Bedford.

Ah, yes.

I'm seeing the donation, but the whole collection

was thrown into archives without being digitized or cataloged.

Could be anywhere back there.

Can we go in there and look?

Of course.

We love letting strangers go back there

and root around our priceless treasures.

I'm pretty sure he's being sarcastic,

although it is hard to tell.

They are dry here.

Peter, what if we were to enter the archives

and take a look ourselves?

Oh, that's true, we're ghosts.

This shouldn't be too hard.

Back in a jiff.

Oh, golly.

This is like the end of Raiders.

What is Raiders?

Oh, it's about this really cool guy who goes to ancient Egypt

to steal a bunch of priceless antiquities and...

You know what?

It's, uh, it's not that good, actually.

Didn't really care for it.

Okay, we are running out of time to find this painting.

And you remember what Nancy looks like, right?

Yes, I met her at Woodstone on Halloween.

She propositioned me while wearing a potato sack.

That's our girl.

All right, why don't you take

the crates on the right?

I will take the ones on the left.

Peter, what's wrong with your hand?

Oh, that's not good.

I start to disappear when I'm away too long from Woodstone.

I re-form when I get back on the property.

Well, what happens if you don't make it back in time?

I... actually don't know.

Peter, perhaps you should leave now.

No, this is too important.

I'll be okay, I have enough time.

Please don't mention anything to the Livings about this.

Jay's dealing with enough already.

Yeah, let's do this.

Okay.

Nope, just more Greek smut.

How did they invent democracy

when they were carrying on like that?

I mean, where did they find the time?

So, what do you guys think I should do?

You got to tell those movie people to take a hike, Sam.

Agreed. You cannot give in.

Be like if Andy not return to work

after makeover montage with Tucci.

Let me tell you the story about Mr. Sylvester Stallone.

Did you know, when he was trying

to sell the screenplay for Rocky,

that they only wanted it if he didn't play Rocky?

- Is that true? - But he stuck to his guns,

and in the end it was him punching beef in that freezer,

it was him going 15 rounds with the champ,

it was him falling in love with that--

actually, frankly-- very weird girl from the pet store.

Trevor's right, Samantha.

All of us ghosts carry regrets with us--

those shots we did not take, those rails we did not snort.

- Amen. - You know, I used to think

that this house and all the things in it were what mattered,

but now that it might be taken away from me,

I realize that you, Samantha, are my true legacy.

You never know what life will bring,

so you need to seize the opportunities

- when they present themselves. - Agreed.

Many people said I didn't have what it took to pull off

a strategic surrender at Fort Ticonderoga,

but I didn't give up.

Isn't a surrender literally giving up?

Yes, but with honor

and having secured enough horsemeat

for all my men, which was a huge morale boost,

although not for the men in the cavalry.

That was sort of a nightmare scenario for them.

I think what Isaac's trying to say is,

this is your moment, Sam.

Yeah, you only regret the bears you didn't hug.

Wait, no.

Yeah-- wait.

You guys are right.

I know it's a risk, but I got to stand my ground.

This like moment

when Andy return from desk,

successfully wearing Chanel boots.

Triumphant!

You are one weird damn Viking.

Okay, Winston, this text is

not bad, but you're gonna want to pull it back

with all the exclamation points.

Way too thirsty.

But I am thirsty.

Still, maybe throw some typos in there

so you look like a busy, happening guy.

"Busy, happening guy"?

I do not have a lot of game.

We found the painting. Nancy wearing the necklace.

Aisle 37, box nine.

Archives.

They found the painting.

Great, but we still need a picture of it.

We got to distract this guy

so that we can get into the archives

and take a photo of that painting to send back to Sam.

Right, but how?

Kyle could engage him in some short-form improv,

or Jay could fake a heart attack,

or there's always the tried-and-true pointing

and saying, "Hey, what's that over there?"

Pete has some ideas.

They're not great, though.

What if I use my ghost power to summon

a swarm of locusts to descend upon the museum,

distracting him away from his post?

Yes, and then Pete and I can slip in undetected.

Uh, the mummy is going to do locusts.

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah.

I'm gonna have to put you on a brief hold.

What the hell is that?

And I may not have written several beloved films yet,

but I know that there is greatness within me.

I just need the chance.

You know what? You got balls, kid.

Okay, and from her tone,

I'm thinking the testicle statement is one in our favor?

What the hell? The job is yours.

What, really?

Congratulations on selling your first screenplay.

And don't screw up the trilogy.

Oh, my God, thank you, Paula, I won't let you down.

Yeah, this is great news.

Send the paperwork over,

and we'll have our people hash out the details.

Ooh, it's a text from Jay.

- They found the painting. - Uh, I got to go, Paula.

Oh, interesting.

Big shot now, huh?

That's fine, I've got stuff to do, too, you know.

Ah, look at that, the little troll's

really a princess.

Thank you for coming out on such short notice.

We are right up against the deadline with Ever Creek.

It's no problem at all.

I have a lot of free time since my wife started sleeping

with Matthew, her Pilates instructor.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm worried about Joe.

So, what do you think of the painting?

Deft redirect, nicely done.

I think you're going to be very pleased.

This painting is conclusive evidence

this necklace belonged to Princess Adeline.

- Yes! - So you're saying

that you now believe that she died here at Woodstone?

'Cause Stuart gave me poop water.

Indeed I am.

I hereby declare your property is a historic landmark,

and as such it is immune to redevelopment.

Oh, thank God.

My life's work, my true legacy is saved.

Wait, what about all that business

about Sam being your true legacy?

I was coping.

I mean, she's great, I guess, also,

but thank God, my house has been spared.

Long live this shrine to my greatness!

So now what? Do you, like, stamp something or...

How do we make it official?

Oh, I just have to go back to my office and fill out a form.

Uh, but that won't be a problem, seeing as I sleep there now.

Oh, come on, Sam, one follow-up question.

The man's just looking for a tiny bit of human connection.

Well... thank you, take care.

Oof.

She colder than the ice off the coast of Honningsvåg.

- It very cold place. - Ah.

So, yeah, he just looked

at the picture you guys sent and said we were good.

So now Ever Creek

can't demolish the mansion.

This is great news.

Uh, less important but still worth sharing--

the archivist texted me.

Him and Linda are at the pub, hitting it off.

What does that mean?

That means your man's texting game is still on point.

Not something a wife loves to hear.

Oh, uh, tell Pete I can't wait to see him.

Alberta says she can't wait to see Pete.

Just tell her I can't wait to see her, too,

and don't mention my arms.

I don't want anyone to worry.

He says he can't wait to see her, too.

And more big news.

Polar Opposites sold.

Oh, my God, babe, that's awesome.

The studio loved the pitch for the trilogy,

and Paula wants me to write it.

"Wants" is a little strong.

I'd say "settled for" is more accurate.

But still a win.

- This is incredible. - The thing is,

I'd probably have to be out of town

for a little bit for the shoot.

How do you feel about that?

Um, yeah, it'll be hard,

but, babe, this is your dream.

We'll make it work.

Yes. Yes, it'll be very hard.

Hey, what about Kyle as a ghost sitter while you're gone?

Oh, my God, that would be amazing.

Kyle is the best.

Kyle. Kyle.

Kyle!

It'll probably be pretty hard for the ghosts, too, I imagine.

Yeah, they're pretty upset.

Kyle! Kyle! Kyle!

Hey, uh, what if Kyle came and stayed for a while?

Oh, that's an interesting idea.

Hey, I might actually have something to do.

Do you?

Well, I mean, no, but I could have.

Okay, thanks very much.

Great news.

They're letting you return that sweater?

No, that was Ever Creek.

Since they can no longer use Woodstone as a data center,

they're selling it back to us at a reduced rate

and they're calling the property "essentially useless."

- Yay! And how dare they? - So,

can you afford to buy back

seeing how as you are famously poor?

Well, I happen

to have an ace up my sleeve.

Finally selling those feet pics.

- Good for you. - No, I'm talking

about the payment I'm getting for Polar Opposites.

Hope there'll be a little left over

for that movie theater-style popcorn machine.

Oh, uh, yes.

That is next on my to-do list.

It's just that it was sort of the centerpiece

of my whole acceptance speech

when I became ghost representative,

and if you make me look like a fool, I'm going to destroy you.

Also, congrats on the movie.

- That's so great. - Sam, have you heard

from Jay? They're supposed to be back by now.

I know their flight was delayed taking off

due to a swarm of locusts in the London area.

Amunhotep-- he gives with one hand and takes with the other.

I hope Pete's okay. This is really pushing it.

They landed 40 minutes ago. They'll be back any second.

He's going to be fine, Bertie.

Pete. H-How's he doing?

Uh,

it's going to be close, Jay.

Hang in there, buddy, we're going to get you home.

♪ Here I go again on my own ♪

♪ Goin' down the only road I've ever known.♪

I sing Whitesnake when I'm nervous.

It started when I was nervous at a Whitesnake concert.

Lot of people close together, and those bathroom lines...

Yeah, those are tough.

Let's-let's get home fast, okay, Jay?

We're going to get you there, Pete.

We're only a few minutes away.

♪ Here I go again on my own ♪

♪ Goin' down the only road I've ever known ♪

♪ Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone.♪

Pete?

Oh, no, Pete.

- What? - He's gone.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

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Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org