Original subtitles

THE MONSTERS,TODAY

Didyou go bankrupt?

Strange, I heard something different.

Is he at home?

No, he's in jaiI.

I don't know...

Excuse me.

Princess.

HeIIo Diego.

You Iook gorgeous.

Don't caII me princess.

You married a prince!

Is he around?

Yes, somewhere...

Susanna and I just came backfrom EngIand

in Sussex,

we aIso went to an auction at Christie's,

marveIous paintings.

He's IeavingforAfrica.

North Africa, South Africa,

Burundi, Morocco, Ruanda?

- Kenya. - OnIy one without an ''R''.

Too badyou didn't see the Cezanne.

My dad has two Cezannes.

Two Cezannes? Lucky''mans''!

What cIub forthe green?

What cIub are you using forthe green?

The send?

The pitch?

- CIub six. - Good.

I'II be here aIone.

Give me yournumber,

ifnot I can't caII you...

You IittIe rascaI!

Whisperit.

348...

Myhusband!

There was an early Pinturicchio

stunningIy beautifuI.

It's cashmere!

I was fiabbergasted, as if I hadthe StendhaI syndrome!

Fucking heII!

You stupid cow!

You stupid fat cow!

My cashmere jacket!

What the heII's going on?

What the fuck...

Who's that dickhead?

Who's that ridicuIous sIut?

HoIe in one, hoIe in one!

I did it, I did it!

I'm a champion!

HeIIo, yes itwas me!

You hiIIbiIIy, who the fuck brought you here?

- Get Iost! - I'm gonna kickyourass!

Thank you my dears!

Heybitch!

Go to heII!

You're so kind, thankyou!

I'm on myway,

I'II teII you how I did it.

Excuse me?

Are these yours?

No.

50 cents.

Theywere next to you.

They're not mine.

I'II keep them, theymaybring me Iuck.

Are you from the area?

Why are you so formaI?

I'm not, I was just about to sit, can I?

Thankyou.

I'm JuIiet.

JuIiet? No kidding?

Yes!

Because I'm Romeo!

It's hardto beIieve, Romeo and JuIiet...

''Sunday's aIways Sunday''...

What?

It's a song my grandma sings:

''Sundayis aIways Sunday

''The city awakes to the beIIs''.

Don't you knowit?

Nevermind, it's an oId song.

I'm going home.

We just met. Stay 5 more minutes!

No, I'm Iate.

- I can take you home? - I'II go aIone, I'm used to it.

What am I supposedto do now...

How do I cross the street?

JuIiet!

I'm coming...

Here I am. Look at howthis animaI parked.

HowunciviIized!

No probIem, Romeo wiII save the day.

Stop everyone!

CarefuI.

Let's go fora ride!

I Iive around the bIock.

I've seen you.

What was I doing?

You were at the newsstand.

On ViaIeArcheoIogia?

On Wednesday?

Buying ''Tex WiIIer''. I coIIect them.

I know.

- I'm sorrybut I don't rememberyou. - ObviousIy.

Don't take it badIy, I'm aIways distractedwhen I waIk.

How couId have I missed such a beautifuIflower?

-Aflower, me? -Yes.

Come on!

I mean it.

You want to race?

I'II give you a head start!

No, stayhere, I'II move back.

Ready?.

-Yes andyou? -Yes.

Go!

Coming!

Where is he?

It was too goodto be true, myflower...

''Sundayis aIways Sunday'', right!

You thought I'd gone?

I'm not going anywhere, I'm yourguardian angeI.

At Ieast fortoday.

Why just fortoday?

The bottIe was badIy set.

Want to try?

It's easy, Ietme heIp you.

Aim...

Shoot!

Shoot!

Aim higher.

Are you in a hurry?

No, my watch doesn't workweII.

Don't worry, keep shooting.

Darling,

JuIiet,

I bought cotton-candy, are you happy?

You Iike sweets, right?

- Howis it? - Good.

This is fun, it spins reaIIyfast...

It's just Iike flying!

Darling,

are you happy?.

Have fun!

You're not coming?

I can't, but I'II watch you,

and yourwheeIchairtoo,

someone might steaI it.

Is this reaIIy secure?

Just to be sure, don't worry. Go, have fun!

Go!

Go darIing!

Spin!

I'II buy you anotherone.

Good girl!

Hi darIing!

Romeo?

It's mine!

Being crippIed sucks, but it gets you in forfree!

How did Mastro Lindo do?

Trebisonda winnerand GeneraI Custer is given at 10.000 euros...

Ok good... give me a second pIease

I have to take

some medicine on scheduIe,

wait...

I'm not kidding, hoId on...

AIright.

Lose Pappagone and Ieave CondoIeeza,

pIay it at 4 to 1, got it?

HoId on, hoId on a sec'.

Everything's faIIing.

I don't knowwhat's happening...

I hit something, maybe a big boar...

Let me check, it's probabIy a boar...

Ormaybe an ox ora deer...

Thank God, it's not an animaI!

But he broke myIight!

I'm on myway. Didyou see her?

Is she beautifuI? Who's the jockey? CimineIIi?

He's been caught cheating. I'm on myway!

I toIdyou I'm coming!

The shoe...

AsshoIe.

The shoe...

My shoe...

Oh shit...

Look at where my fucking shoe Ianded!

Fuckhim and his ox!

HeIp!

My shoe.

HeIp!

Look at him!

My god! What happened! Has he been run over?

No, it's just a newtrend!

Do somethingAIberto, you're a doctor!

I'm a pIastic surgeon, I can do his wrinkIes!

- Lift him up! -To the ER!

- Lift him up! - Must I do everything!

- Come on! - I couId hurt him.

CarefuI! It's ok...

- HeIp me! -The shoe!

CarefuI, don't dirty yourjacket!

His shouIder-bIade hurts!

The shoe!

-The otherone! - Lay him down...

The othershouIder, stay stiII!

I'II get the dog's bIanket.

Let's put him on the back seat.

Does it hurt? It maybe broken.

Stay stiII, maybe it's a rib...

Are you feeIing betterSir?.

He's hurt, he's not deaf!.

We'II take you to a cIinic.

Too expensive! The hospitaI!

What's with the bIanket!

Lay him on the back seat!

Don't make a mess... HoId on..

HeIp me. It's what you get when you're kind.

Myrearviewmirror!

Are you feeIing better? You want somethingto drink?

Give him a grappa, I've got some.

The bIanket stinks.

Here.

He doesn't drink.

Hurry up!

Why is this happening?

Listen...

Let's bring him to the ER and go to my office.

It's not the time foryou to put yourhands in my undies.

It's dangerous!

Let me out!

Stop itAIberto, come on!

Sorry, sorry...

ifyou stiII excite me after 10 years ofmarriage!

Men are aIways excited, regardIess.

- RegardIess what? - FeeIings don't matter.

You women are totaIIy crazy.

Who are you caIIing?

Who shouId I be caIIing? Yourfriends, the CoIizzi's!

To teII them we're Iate!

You don't get it!

Ifwe don't get that document signed bythe CoIizzi's,

you'II go to jaiI, dearAIberto

andthey'II take everything we own!

ShouIdwe go to the ER ornot?

Yes, we shouId drop him off and Ieave.

Easyto say, they'II ask questions. Where we found him...

Where didwe?

Neara traffic Iight... wait... at some roundabout.

The PoIice report can't mention ''nearsome roundabout''.

ComerofVia Foscari and Via Marconi.

How couId heIping someone Ieadto probIems?

- Shit the bump! -What bump?

The dent you made Ieavingthe garage.

We Iaid him on it and it Ieft a bIood stain...

No, you did it,

anywaythe dent is 5l6 months oId.

Do you see a date on it?

Let's just prayhe doesn't die.

Forget the CoIizzi's, this'II get us into jaiI!

What are you doing?

You're the ruin ofmyIife.

Is it my fauIt if a poorguy's been run over?.

You're the one who stopped.

You wantedto see whathappened.

You wantedto bring him to the ER.

It's aII yourfauIt.

You're totaIIy crazy!

Andyou're an asshoIe!

Impotent!

Impotent? You're a sIut.

Bythe way, didn't you say guys are aIways excited?

AII guys except you!

I heardyou moan a bunch oftimes!

I was faking.

I aIways faked. Understand?

You want me to do it here?

It's good, it's big, I'm coming!

She's just joking.

-You're a sIut. -You aIready said it.

Fine, it's overStefania!

Promise me!

- Hands off! - Promise me!

What's happening?

Look at those morons.

The shoe...

You're hurting me.

You're hurt? Want to go to the hospitaI?

Go.

I'II be fine.

- SiIIy. -Yourhair's a mess.

What did you do to me?

Let me fix you up, siIIy boy.

I'II drive.

- Do I Iooktired? - Do you knowhowto drive?

- Do you? - No.

Come here you siIIyboy!

To the CoIizzi's.

-You're terribIe. - LittIe bitch.

Where's the son of a bitch?

He couId have thanked us, forfuck's sake.

We Iive in a worId of animaIs.

Does the doggyhave enough air?.

Airconditioning's bad foryou Remo.

It's40 degrees outside Renzina!

ExactIy.

Dad...

That's howit goes, summercomes,

peopIe Ieave and abandon theirdogs.

Nowadays you need a Iot ofmoney to go on vacation.

Abig famiIyIike ours can't afford it.

Remo, you are much too nervous.

I understand, it takes nerve.

And neverforget

that sacrifices made forourchiIdren

are bIessed bythe Lord.

You're right, we have to do it.

Don't do it, don't do it, Iook at

that poorabandoned dog.

He's suffering, see, have some pity!

Come on, father!

Sure,

they don't give a damn either.

Dad, get out and do what you have to do.

Me?

Come on doggy.

WHAT RACEARE YOU? HUMAN OR UNHUMAN?

What time is it?

It's raining... I'm coming.

-Who is it? - EmiIio, the janitor.

Do you knowwhat time it is?

Sorryto disturb you professor, I triedto caII

but yourphone was off.

Of course, I tumed it off.

I'd Iike to discuss a serious matterwith you.

ApersonaIIy serious matter.

Sorryforthe inconvenience.

Come in pIease.

- May I? -Yes, pIease.

Thankyou professor.

Have a seat, pIease.

Sorry, professor.

TeII me.

I feeI very verybad, professor.

Go and see a doctorthen.

Mywife spoke to Father Luigi,

but I don't trust priests.

That's good, I'm Iistening.

I couId stab myseIfto death!

Andyou want to do it tonight, right here?

What can I do foryou?

- It's about my son. - Is Tonino sick?.

No, physicaIIyhe's fine.

I sawhim recentIy, he Iooked fine.

He's doing weII at coIIege.

He's a dedicated student.

Thanks to you professor, because you've changed him

from this, to this.

I've onIy done my job.

And even more than that.

So...

what's the probIem?

My son says he goes out to study everynight.

It's the case tonight too.

But I found out

when he says that,

he goes somewhere eIse, the Iiar.

He mayhave a girIfriend, it's normaI.

Professor, my son's not normaI.

What does he do that's notnormaI?

My son has a man, he sees a man.

Do you understand?

Are you sure?

Very sure?

He didn't study, nowhe does.

Young peopIe change a Iot.

They're constantIy Iookingfortheiridentity.

They can change overnight.

ReaIIy?.

No, but I can'tthink of anything eIse.

This is notmyfieId.

So do you thinkwe can

bring this boybackto normaIity?

Like his dad,

his granddad, and his great granddad?

How shouId I know aboutyourforefathers?

I don't knowwhat to teII you, I'm tryingto heIp, hope,

Iet's hope.

Come and have Iunch on Sunday.

No.

- PIease come. -What for? No...

Maybe you can have a word with him.

Aword?

What am I? Aguru?

Come on, get a good night's sIeep.

I'm sure my son wiII Iisten to you, he esteems you.

My wife wiII prepare the emmersoup you Iike.

This is a famiIy probIem, I don't...

Emmersoup?

Maybe I'II come, but I'm not sure I can heIp.

Thanks professor.

CouIdyourwife aIso make rabbit with oIive sauce?

AIright professor.

Come at noon.

She'II make the beans you Iove.

- See you Sunday at noon. - Fine.

Fuckyou.

I'm invited at yourpIace on Sunday.

Good.

Emmersoup and rabbit.

Andtomato sauce beans.

- Good morning! - HeIIo EIda...

I was at Mrs.AngeIetti's, my oven's broken.

I've got peopIe at Iunch, didn't knowwhat to do.

Have a good Sunday!

Some more wine?

I'II use simpIe words.

I don'thave yourcuIture,

but I don't know

my son's boyfriend, I don't knowhim,

but if I did, I wouIdteII him certain things.

He shouId know.

Whatthings?

Thatyourbrotheris seeing othermen.

Don't beIieve him professor.

Don't exaggerate!

I needto get it offmy chest,

because this has Iastedtoo Iong.

You're being ridicuIous dad,

stop it.

I'm ridicuIous, am I?

Am I reaIIy?

See your mother?

She's the onIy woman I've everhad.

I've aIways been faithfuI.

I'm tryingto thinkmodern.

I can go as faras having a gay son,

who comes home and teIIs me:

''Dad, I Iove a man'', we can taIk about it.

No probIem.

But you must be honest,

andteII this man about LeopoIdo the baker,

Papini the accountant on the thirdfloor,

the soIdiers ofthe MameIi casern

who hang out around here,

and, Iast but not Ieast,

that you're seeing women too.

With women too?

I'm the janitorhere, I knowit aII.

Who made Urania,

the nurse form buiIding B, pregnant?

Urania with...

Yourbrother!

Stop it dad!

You must teII him aII this, do you understand?

I reaIIy...

don't knowwhat to say, you treat me Iike famiIy,

teII me aII ofyourprobIems

Iike I said, I can't do anything...

You must soIve these probIems yourseIves...

Andwhat about the rabbit?

Put it in a Tupper, bring it up, I'II eat it tonight.

I Iove rabbit, but now, sorry I...

I'II see you out.

I knowthe way.

Andthanks again.

Dad, are you happy now?.

- Davide? - Shut up!

You can't beIieve this buIIshit!

Outside they can do what theywant

but not in mybuiIding.

CaIm down, it's badforyourbIood pressure.

He's gone now.

My son doesn't do aII those things.

I shouId hope not!

Theythought I hadn't noticed

but I've outsmarted everyone!

Didyou see howhe Ieft with his taiI between his Iegs?

NowI understand so manythings, the Iies...

Get out ofmyIife! I neverwant to see you again.

Davide...

Where are you going?

Davide, wait!

SIut!

We miss you at work.

You're Iucky AIessia, so Iucky.

Lucky...

but unempIoyed.

You found a nice guywho Ioves you.

The probIem is my famiIy.

I bring home the money and my father's worried.

He's Iosthis job.

I have to go.

RememberAIessia, Iove comes first!

I Iove you, sweetie.

Me too.

12 down.

7 Ietters, opposite ofnobiIity,

vuIgarity.

No.

Crappiness...

Misery.

ExactIy.

AIessia's back!

It's me!

We were expecting you Iast week, times are hard.

- Have you gone mad? - Letme taIk.

What have you done!

Nothing, I haven't done anything, mom!

Nothing.

-Where's grandpa? - In there.

Here he is!

How are you grandpa?

Hi sweetie!

I want showyou something wonderfuI.

-What is it? - Something fantastic.

Look atthis!

It's my computer!

It's beautifuI!

NowIeave me aIone pIease,

because I have to chat.

Sorry, I've been very busy.

What news?

Bad news. The TVwiII be taken awaytomorrow.

ReaIIy?.

Theynevershow anything good anyway.

Why are theytaking it?

Because they can.

But who? Thieves?

Don't be siIIy, thieves wouIdn't wam us.

They're seizing it!

Understand?

I'm sorry dad.

We onIy had 7 instaIIments Ieft.

Fournot seven!

Not four,just one!

Shut up, fuck off!

We Iost our TV forone damned instaIIment!

Ifyou were working you couId've heIped.

It wouId've soIved everything.

That's Iife.

What can you do.

It's chiIIyin here.

There's no heating?

The heating's at its Iowest.

Like everything eIse.

Like yourgrandpa's pension.

Everything increases, except my father's pension, right?

Don't you see I'm chatting?

What about yourinvaIid pension?

No way.

Andthat civiI servant who's heIping you?

He's in jaiI.

Nowyourfather's heIping him.

We hope someone wiII heIp us

orwe'II aII end up in jaiI.

UnpIugthe wires.

UnpIugthem?

Whykeep the TV aIive.

Looking atyourmother's too painfuI.

She's a totaI wneck.

We made so many sacrifices foryou.

We moved north to give you a betterIife.

Education, comfort, cuIture,

and a good job

which you've decidedto quit.

What can I do? I don't want you to feeI guiIty,

farfrom it, but we had meat

onIy once this week.

Cows pass underourbaIcony waving!

Fruit andvegetabIes are out ofprice,

but we carry on, my deargirI.

What can we do against God's wiII!

Come and see grandpa, sweetie.

I'm chatting!

Who with?

I'm chattingwith a generaI

from the army, a nice person.

He's caIIed Curtatone,

Iike the 1848 battIe!

He's nice, briIIiant and educated.

But he's a bit of a pain in the ass.

I'm sending him an e-maiI

to teII him, understand?

Look...

he's smart.

Lookhere.

-Are you Iooking ornot? - Of course.

I'm Iooking.

Do you understand?

Dad!

Grandpa's computer's off!

Itwas a speciaI offer, something must not work.

Here are yourthings.

Come here.

Happy with yourboyfriend?

Yes.

That's the most important thing forus.

He's a MusIim?

Yes why?

I don't mind, I'm not racist,

but a question arises,

a young man from anothercuIture

who wants you to quit an importantjob,

is he the right man foryou?

What are you saying?

You can choose not to answer,

but are you happy? That's what matters most.

TeII me you'II make it without me?

Of course we wiII, yourmotherexaggerates.

You knowher.

I'm the strong man ofthe house,

optimistic.

Who'II hoIdthe fort if I don't?

I can't Iet go, otherwise,

If I Iet go...

Dad, pIease!

You don't have a job...

Dad don't cry!

I don't have a job...

You saidyou were strong.

I was wnong.

You quit yourjob, nowwho's going to heIp us?

Give us a hand, go backto work.

Don't saythat pIease.

Sorry.

Dignity above aII. Are you happywith him?

Yes I am.

It's aIIthat matters. You Iove each other?.

Yes, verymuch!

That's what counts!

What's his name?

AIi.

Nice.

His Iast name's Baba?

Here are aIIyourchiIdhood memories.

Yourbibs too.

Yourdance tutus, andyourcommunion dress.

And the baptism one too? She doesn't need aII this.

She can seII them.

She can seII them!

Let the neighbors know!

Go nowit's Iate.

Write to me.

Send me an e-maiI, aIright?

Don't forget what I said.

Don't drive too fast.

Do you have a Iicense?

- I have no car! -What are you saying?

Don't run race down the stairs then!

With a job you'd have a car and I couId use it.

I'm joking, go on yourway.

Have no regrets and don't Iookback.

And ifyou change yourmind

rememberwe'II be here waitingforyou.

Write to us.

Don't Iookback.

Write.

I'm going to crytoo.

AIi, come for a second?

I'II be right there.

HeIIo darIing.

You're beautifuI.

How are you?

So-so.

Since I quit myfamiIy can't make ends meet.

And it's not with what you make as a part time

substitute pizza cookwith no papers...

So that's the probIem, right?

Don't saythat word, pIeaseAIi.

- I won't. - But you thinkit...

Of course I do.

I can't stand it anymore.

It's aIways about yourparents andyourjob.

You haven't changed,AIessia.

It's over.

No,AIi, pIease.

Forget about it, enough.

Who is it?

Alessia.

-Who? -Alessia.

Why are you caIIing so Iate?

Dad, you cantum the heating up!

Tomorrow l'll give you the money forthe TV.

What are you saying?

Dad, l'm back atwork, l'm so happy!

AdeIe...

AIessia's on the phone!

Where is she?

Where are you?

Where am I? Atthe same oId pIace!

I'mwearing the green dress mom bought me!

I'II teII Katia you said hi.

Howmuch wiII you give me?

What about the girl on the phone?

AIessia, he wants you!

HoId on dad I have a cIient.

I'II caII backin 5 minutes.

Who caIIed so Iate?

Who caIIed so Iate?

AIessia, dad!

She's back on track, atIast!

A sudden heatwavewith unusually high temperatures forthe season

makes it anodd Sunday at the sea.

Whocould cametothe beach to escape the heat wave in the city.

Yes I'm at the beach, it's wonderfuI.

Between the sun and George CIooney?

- Can I askyou a question? - One second... yes?

What do you think ofthis scorching heat?

I don't get it, what shouId I think?

Nothing,just some jerk.

Sorry?

Yourthoughts on this heat wave?

Thanks.

With this high temperature

you hearthe sports resuIts?

I was, but my earphone just meIted in my ear!

Can't find it!

Great!

Great? It's my ear!

It's the TV!

ReaIIy? I toId you!

Howis it foryou atthe beach?

Fine, butthe heat wiII turn ourcar into an oven.

What do you mean?

She doesn't know, I Ieft the airconditioning on!

What are you wearing? You're so strange!

No, you're strange.

I'm coherent, we shouId be in the mountains.

But we're at the beach.

Do you want some hot broth? Orhot tea to warm up?

I want you to shut up!

Why are you dressedthis way?

Answerifyou dare!

Answerthe question!

Come on do it!

You're suffocating me!

Why shouId I weara bathing suit?

Thanks!

You answeredwith a question!

You don't fearthe hoIe in the ozone Iayer?

PeopIe are concemed.

I sincereIy don't see anyhoIe!

AhoIe in the ''zone''? What ''zone''?

What ''zone''?

Guys, an amazing day in the middIe ofwinter!

February 3rd, it's the end ofthe ''word''!

The end ofthe ''word''.

And the ''word'' is smaII!

Who's that?

No idea.

HeIp me, doctor!

Save me.

We must amputate both Iegs.

- Both... - Legs...

Yes, two ofthem.

Save me, doctor!

I'm a dancer.

You wiII rise.

You wiIIwaIk.

And dance again.

I'II save you.

Best showofthe year!

Let's hope!

30% audience share!

Let's eat sushi before they're coId!

OId joke... can't stay with you I'm afraid.

I'm attending a funeraI. I don't want you to be saddened

andto Iose yourenthusiasm.

Have fun, even without me.

Thanks and see you soon!

Enzino...

Nice to see you!

What are you doing here?

I thought

we couId say goodbye to poorGhigo together.

Was I wnong?

Who's that?

- Enzo. - It's Enzo.

Enzo, right!

He neverworked again.

Ashame forthe buffet. We couId have eaten something.

I can't eat anything, my stomach's knotted.

I don't feeI Iike taIking business with those 4 asshoIes.

We said we'd stay in touch, but it's been years.

- Howmany? -Ten...

Maybe even 15.

You stiII have yourspeech probIem.

On stage it's ok.

StiII not working?

Been a whiIe...

Truth is, Ghigo was the onIy funny one.

His naked Iadyroutine was exceIIent.

You were handsome, he was funny,

and I was neither.

Yourunderwearon yourhead routine was great.

EverybodyIaughed. What are you doing?

It's windy.

It's a convertibIe!

Everyone recognizes you.

-You're famous. - I am!

Fans, they suckyou up,

give them an inch they'II take a miIe. Who saidthat?

Ghigo.

PoorGhigo.

Is this the right way to the San Giovanni church?

It's a shortcut. Life's a shortcut.

And what about the cat?

CuriositykiIIedthe cat,

soonerorIateryou get caught.

Who used to say that? Ghigo, aIways him!

You had the underwear, Ghigo the jokes and I...

You're better''aIive''than on TV! An autograph?

I don't have any!

Can I have one pIease?

- HoIdthis, got a pen? - No.

I don't have a fucking pen!

ToAdeIaide

and CarmeIina with aII my Iove...

With aII the Iove in the worId...

Yours aIways, DanieI Costa.

Add something.

Sure, something spontaneous.

Yes, something personaI.

I thinkit's enough. Fuck off.

Thanks, the bag.

Thanks Mr. Costa!

You knowwhat?

I neverhad any dramatic sense.

ReaIIy.

You do.

You're a reaI artist.

- I envy you. - Come on!

It's true.

HeIIo Mr. Costa!

Can you watch my car?.

Sure, can I have a picture?

-Apain in the ass. - Everyone knows you.

I hate fans.

In fact, ourreaIjob is deaIingwith them!

The otherday I went fora piss.

I went to piss in a highwaybar.

Imagine yourseIfin front of a urinaI facingthe waII.

I'm pissing and at a certain point

from the comerofmy eye I see a horse's hoof,

above that, a striped sock and a hairy caIf.Amonster!

Atruck driver, aII greasy, sooty.

I'm hoping he won't recognize me.

I tum, he's Iooking.

He shakes his thing: ''DanieI Costa!''

Myhand's wet, you see,

what to do?

So I hugged him andwiped myhand on him.

ReaIIy pissed me off.

-The same happened to me Iast year. -With a truck driver?.

At mymom's viIIage.

Howis she?

She says hi.

I went to Gina's tobacco shop.

I rememberher.

She had a daughter.

She asks me:

''Can I have an autograph formy daughter?.''

You too?

Did you wnite it in a stutter?.

No, did it straight.

That's what it is!Yourhairpiece!

- It's cute, very acryIic, synthetic. - Like it?

Yes, give me the address, suits you.

To do theaterwas good.

I wouIdn't mind a smaII part in a show.

I can askthe producer, but you'II seII yoursouI!

Facingthe mysteries of death

everywordwe say seems,

and maybe is reaIity.

It wouId be properto stay siIent with tearfuI eyes,

and a deep pain in ourhearts.

It's the most naturaI and spontaneous behavior.

If spontaneity exists in these moments.

We are gathered here

to say ourIast fareweII to ourbeIoved CIaudio.

CIaudio?

It was Ghigo's reaI name.

Wasn't it Guido?

CIaudio, Guido, Ghigo, typicaI kind

of doubIe names Iike John PauI, get it?

Are you sure it's the right church?

This is San Giovanni sui NavigIi.

Oh Lord ourdead Iive through you

and ourbodyis not destroyed.

Is this the San Giovanni church?

No, it's Sant'Invenzio.

Sant'Invenzio?

San Giovanni, Sant'Invenzio, it's the same.

No it's not. Let's go.

We can't go, everybody's recognized us.

- Me too? -Yes you too.

Sorry can we take a picture?

See?

Together?

Can you?

My phone.

You want to stay?

We can't go, Iooks bad.

And Ghigo?

It's across town.

It'II be too Iate, Ghigo'II be buried.

ReaIIy?.

We must respect ouraudience.

I have the cash, as pIanned.

-You're getting paid? - Me?

You're paid to attend a stranger's funeraI?

Howmuch do you get?

Shut up pIease.

Can I have an autograph Mr. Costa?

-What's yourname? - CeciIia.

''ForCeci...''

And may he go to heaven with Abraham.

-Thanks so much. -You're weIcome.

Cute.

Need an invoice?

Betternot, at a time Iike this.

Athousandforyou.

Not bad.

Just take it.

Do you do this often?

Yes.

They offerme weddings.

They payIess, so I don't do them.

You couId have them.

Do you have time forthe cemetery?.

Didyou ask my agent?

No.

Then I don't.

We wiII be bom again with Jesus.

With Christ, our Lord aImighty.

Amen.

PIease.

I have to say a fewwords.

CIaudio?

I have a numberwith a fake nose, perfect forthe graveyard.

I tap dance on graves,

but it's more expensive.

Can you hear?.

Less bass pIease.

CIaudio.

Who was CIaudio?

Who was he?

You aII knewhim.

CIaudio was a name that rhymed with friendship.

Agood man, a happy man...

Funny, reIiabIe, but tough.

Verytough.

Austere, dry,

with his Iong siIences that meant aII and nothing.

Asoft man...

a good man.

But dark, very dark,

with piercing eyes and a resoIute stare.

Ahandsome man.

Handsome inside.

CIaudio was CIaudio.

We aII knewhim.

But someone knewhim even better,

myfriend Enzo.

Pushar, what are you doing?

You're bumping me around.

Sorry, baroness.

Good morning, baroness.

Who's that?

The Hon. Luigia CoIetti Bon.

That show off, I remember

she used to do it with the high cIass guys.

Herhusband retumed the favor.

He cheated on her.

I once gave him a heIping hand.

Fantastic!

I used to come here in my teens.

MussoIini's daughter Edda was myfriend.

MussoIini, founderofthe Empire, handsome,

riding with his bowlerhat.

It was 1939 or40.

He'd just foughttheAfrican war,

to bring civiIization to yourpeopIe.

Was it worth it?

PLEASE HELP AHOMELESS CRIPPLED LADY

Is the baroness asIeep?

Like an angeI.

This IittIe angeI is a IittIe deviI.

How did it go?

30 euros orso, Iike yesterday.

Betterthan nothing.

She's so fucking heavy! Is she paying you?

Not a penny in six months...

She hasn't paid me in a Iifetime, damn her.

She shouId burn in heII.

I bought great Iand and Greenpeace can't budge.

Anyway, we didthings the right way.

Greased aII the right peopIe.

It cost me

500 000 euros!

I remember, miIady, that my famiIy

had to refuse theirinheritance

because taxes

were much higherthan the Iand's vaIue.

AbsoIuteIy.

You know,

my autumnlwintercoIIection went so weII

I had to move to Montecarlo andtransfermymoney there.

You know, that city buiIt on the rocks.

I don't agree with the manager: money is money.

I owe the IRS 1 miIIion, but I won't pay,

they'II acknowledge this andfine me

with 4%, which equaIs 40 000 euros

that I wiII payimmediateIy.

So I'II save 960 000, give ortake a euro.

You scared me.

- I'm so ugIy? -You came to pickme up?

- Sure. - Howsweet!

Thankyou!

I have things to teII you...

You knowwhat happenedto me?

I was cIeaningthe imperiaI suite on the 4th fioor,

where this industry baron is staying.

The one datingthat TV presenter.

The redhead?

Yes, the one who taIks sitting sideways.

I see.

So, I was there cIeaning

and she had Ieft a sIip on a chair.

You put it on?

You knowme so weII it's annoying!

And then, in the bathroom

Ifound a cream bottIe.

Averyimportant cream you put on yourIegs,

that says it'II make yourIegs

IookIike Naomi CampbeII's.

BIack?

No, beautifuI Iike hers, but it's too expensive!

UnaffordabIe, even in a next future Iife!

Are you kidding darIing? Money's not a probIem!

First ofaII we have to move our capitaIs,

from the kitchen floor

to the pot on the baIcony.

Why, isn't it safe?

No, it's betterto transferfunds.

We owe Peppe the Leach 1000 euros

but we won'tpay him.

- We won't pay? - Nope.

He'II fine us at 4%, which are 40 euros,

that we'II pay immediateIy, it's onIyfair.

Right! Let's do things properIy.

Howmuch is Ieft?

960 euros

give ortake.

That'II buy you as much cream as you want!

You're so inteIIigent! Lucky you.

What iftheyburn ourfront dooragain?

-We won'trepIace it. -What?

Who the heII cares?

We'II use a mosquito net,

In Rome it's aIways hot, especiaIIywith gIobaI warming.

Listen, with the 960 euros

we savedfrom Peppe The Leach,

we couId pay ourdebt with the kitchen guy.

Payhim? You must be joking.

No way! Listen to me:

we reinvest them,

we give him ouroIdfridge and with 30 instaIIments

we buy one with an ice-maker.

- BeverlyHiIIs styIe? - Right!

Drinks on the road!

As they say: newsystem,take today, paytomorrow.

I was thinking:

the ceII phone we found in the street,

we can make 90 euros from it,

give ortake.

That's what I was thinking.

You knowme so weII, I can't hide anythingfrom you.

What can you do, we were meant foreach other.

I can readyourmind.

I'm hungry.

-You? -Yes.

What wouIdyou Iike to eat?

Everything and more!

SaImon canap�s,

cheese puffs and caviar.

You stoIe them?

Even if I don't Iike caviar,

I'm reaIIy happy.

I bet you are.

Isn't ItaIythe best pIace on earth?

Here we are.

The ride from town's a snap!

Yes.

AcoupIe more miIes andwe'II be home.

And peopIe payto go to the gym!

Afterthe fridge can we buythe LCD TV?

I don't knowyet.

Come on!

You don't get it:

the question is LCD orpIasma?

Sweetie.

You reaIIy spoiI me.

Give ortake a euro, no big deaI.

My sweet heart

Hope doesn't cost a penny

People have money but no love...

Butwe're better off

Even ifwe never eat

GirIs, come here a sec'.

This coatis awesome!

This one drives me crazy!

Farout!

Superfab!

Must cost a bundIe.

Money's not a probIem, we can find some.

Let's go.

M 12, middIe row.

3 fuII price, and 1 haIfprice.

It's forkids under 7.

HowoId's yourkid?

He just tumed seven.

I'm nine dad!

Right, he's nine.

Kids grow so fast.

28 euros pIease.

28 euros, not cheap.

I wantpop com!

I have some in mybag.

What about that guy?

Are you out ofyourmind?

He's got cash.

Dad spent 28 euros...

He's got a famiIy.

- So? - No, come on.

Trust me.

Gino?

What's wnong?

SwaIIowedthe wnongway.

Shut up dad!

I'm goingto the bathroom.

You're a pain, dad!

Dad has prostate probIems.

Miss?

Come here, handsome...

Take offyourcIothes!

Nice moustache...

Touch me...

Caught!

What's this?

Who are they?

Grandpa, give me 200 euros oryou're in deep shit.

I'm underage in case you didn't notice.

There's a misunderstanding.

Don't teII me you came here to piss!

Must be yourprostate.

It's common at yourage.

Nobody wiII beIieve you weren't

assauIting a teenage girl.

Hand overthe cash orthe photos go onIine.

I can give you something...

AII ofit, grandpa!

You've got Ioads, so Iet's have it!

PIease, I needthis money...

I need it to pay biIIs...

I work at the post office not on TV, pIease girls!

We'II pay yourbiIIs grandpa, don't worry.

It was great doing business with you.

ReaIIy great.

Gino?

Are you iII?

Everything's fine.

Are you crying?

I'm Iaughingto tears!

TotaIIy out of sight!

Howdo I Iook?

Good, but my Ieopard beats everything!

Doctor, mywife and I nevermiss yourTV show.

Mywife toId me

''Giancarlo...''

I'm Giancarlo.

''This cosmic depression you have...''

she says my depression is cosmic

''onIy Dr.TriIIo can heIp you''.

So here I am.

Fine, I'm Iistening.

Yes?

Go ahead.

ShouId I speak about my chiIdhood?

Is it worth it?

I thought...

It's not necessary. Mynewmethod of anaIysis

ignores the recoIIection ofthe past

to focus on the penetration of contingencies.

Penet... I read about it in yourIast book.

I bought the deIuxe DVD issue.

Did you read it?

No, mywife is reading it.

TeII me about it.

I met mywife EIena at coIIege.

No, about yourseIf.

Giancarlo...

de Biase.

In two words.

You're obsessive.

Mywife toId me

that IateIyfunnythings

seem sad to me,

and nice things, ugIy.

Andwhat about that?

Amirror!

What do you think?

It's nice.

No, it's horribIe, but it's a gift.

Andthat cushion?

- UgIy, but you have to keep it. - I chose it.

You have the EracIitean Syndrome.

Is it serious?

WeII, nevermind.

Howis it doing at work?

Fine, thanks.

Quite weII.

CouId be better.

I see.

In fact, I shouId have been promoted

but a youngercoIIeague got it.

I thought so.

-Why? - Nevermind.

How do you compensate yourprofessionaI faiIings?

Maybe with sports, do you do sports?

Each week I pIay soccerwith friends.

But I hadto stop because of a bronchitis.

Yourhigh breathingzone is fragiIe,

but that's normaI because

soccermakes you run and sweat.

I neverran, I was on the bench,

aIways.

I didn't beIieve you were the soccertype.

It's obvious.

What?

Nevermind. What about yourfamiIy?.

Fine.

Just my wife and I, no kids.

YourIow zone is weak. MascuIine steriIity.

It may come from mywife.

2 times out of3 it's men.

It's a statistic. So it's yourfauIt.

How's the reIationship with yourwife?

Fine, we respect each otherand...

I'm speaking about sex. What's the frequency?

Don't exaggerate.

Twice a week, roughIy.

And yourwife?

She onIy does it with me.

Are you sure?

Lives in a worId offantasy.

Who?

You.

Nowthat I think about it...

Nevermind.

LateIy I have the feeIing that...

...that you're impotent.

Excuse me?

ErectionaI deficit.

I don't get it.

- No hard-ons. - Right.

But mywife doesn't seem to care.

She Iikes otherthings about me.

Are you sure?

Yes she Iike otherthings...

- Sense ofhumor. - Mine?

No, yourwife's.

Good.

Do you have a hobby? Something you Iike?

Photography.

ImmodestIy, I'm a good photographer.

What do you photograph?

I Iike fiowers.

Fruit, vegetabIes, nature.

StiII Iife.

Is that bad?

I aIso photograph archeoIogy.

- Ruins? - No, monuments.

Like I said, ruins.

Do you shoot in bIack andwhite?

I deveIop them myseIf.

What's wrongwith that?

Dichotomy between existence and non existence.

Sorry?

You're Iookingforhappiness.

Like everyone.

But yourhappiness doesn't Iie in the gIory ofIife

but in its annihiIation.

So you're teIIing me that... pIease don't.

ShouId I sayit?

PIease do, it's not something ugIy.

You're sayingthat forme

the accompIishment ofhappiness

can onIy be reached

by death.

Good Giancarlo.

Write I gave the correct answer.

We're done, time's up.

45 mins are up?

No, but we're done.

I'II go then.

IfeeI better aIready.

Maybe I'II come again.

I'II caII you.

You wiII?

I'm going.

Hi EIena.

Yes, he just Ieft.

No, don't worry.

He doesn't suspect anything.

Yes, veryvery weII.

I don'tthink he'II make it home aIive.

He'II kiII himseIf.

Yes EIena, I teIIyou he's goingto.

Trust me.

Let me out here, I'II waIk.

Thankyou.

See you Iater.

Afew coins to eat.

Thanks.

Here comes a nice priest.

Thanks your ExceIIency, so kind ofyou.

- Here's a photo of St. George. - UseIess.

- So kiss this. - Forget it.

So bIow away.

Fuckyou!

What are you doing? You're so young!

- Don't do it. - I have to jump.

Life is sacred.

Let go ofme! Someone's drowning!

He's gone poorguy.

We have severaI options but this is the best one.

I've foIIowed yourinstructions. You can see foryourseIf.

- I hope you'II Iike it. - Don't touch.

- Gregorio, the curtains. - Later.

I'd Iike to insist on the question of discretion.

CertainIy.

Not onIy yours, but aIso that ofyourempIoyees.

Because peopIe taIk and when they do it's not good.

-The curtains. -WiIIyou shut up.

Money's not a probIem here.

Discretion is aII that matters.

- Forme too. -We insist.

Don't worry.

The workers had betternot speak.

Ifnot thieves wiII come.

- HowwouId they come? - Bybus!

Are you sure I can sIeep soundIy?

And me?

- Can we trust you? - Sure.

TotaI discretion.

I'II be a grave.

BuckIe down.

Good boys, be good.

UncIe Matteo,

did you come to visit mynewhome?

Yes, but Iet's eat first.

So Fofo', didyou Iike the cake?

Very good.

-AnothersIice? - I'm fine thankyou.

How about you, anothersIice?

No thanks, it's aIreadymy third.

If I have a fourth I'II expIode.

UncIe Matteo, you're so quiet, you didn't Iike it?

Too much citron.

This NeapoIitan cake needs citron.

The fiowerof cedar, not the whoIe tree.

ShouIdwe showournewhouse to uncIe Matteo?

- Let's showhim. - Indeed.

That's what you came for.

Is the house far?

It's undemeath.

- It's a secret passage! -Very secret.

Wow!

CarefuI, the stairway's steep.

UncIe Matteo, Iet me heIp you.

I'II go first and Ieadyou.

Don't be afraid.

-Are you afraid? - Don't worry, I've seen worse.

Come in.

Everything's automatic, the doors, the Iights.

Open sesame.

This secret hideout is beautifuI.

Some peopIe have a Ioft, I have an under Ioft

with airconditioning and heating.

Warm in winter, cooI in summer.

There's a trap that Ieads to the garage forrunaways

and an underground road

so my wife and I can drive to MergeIIina

in 40 minutes.

Betterthan the subway.

And ifthe poIice comes

we have aII we needforfireworks.

Excuse me Gregorio,

was this house expensive?

BeIieve it ornot, it cost me nothing.

You reaIIy see the hand of an honest architect.

You can actuaIIy see a hand here.

Whatis it, bythe way?

The architect's handwhen he asked

forhis money.

Rememberwhat he said?

''Hand me the money''.

I stuckhis hand on the waII instead.

Andthe architect,

where is he now?.

Underground.

Andthe workers?

Underyou.

He said ''I'II be a grave''.

and I granted his wish.

Don't Iisten to them.

- I foIIowed his pIans. - Don't getmad.

I put a Pharaoh in the grave.

They don't understand.

What's to understand?

Shut up Margherita!

Guys...

Discretion above aII!

Here we are.

Here we are.

The cookie department.

Mom's going to buy yourfavorite cookies.

fortomorrow's breakfast,

okay sweetie?

Which ones do you want?

Those.

-Which ones? -Those!

Fine.

- Go ahead pIease. - No, you take it.

There's anotherpackage.

I insist, take them.

-Thanks then. -WeIcome.

Apizza to eat in front ofTV

andwatch the cartoons,

how about it?

Orange juice.

MomwiII buy some foryou.

MeanwhiIe Iet's take the pizzas.

Let's get the orange juice...

and maybe some beerformom, who might need it.

ShaIIwe get some ice cream?

So that my diet can go to heII!

Do you want strawberryice-cream?

Lemon? OrvaniIIa and chocoIate?

-You want artichokes orfries? -As you Iike.

Give me a kiss.

ChocoIate and Iemon...

EIisa?

Where are you?

Excuse me.

My God...

- Have you seen a IittIe girI? - No.

SmaIIwith bIackbraids and a hood.

Here's a gIass ofwater.

Stay back pIease.

Excuse me.

I'm Massimo GiIetti, I was nearby on a report with myteam,

I heard about what happened to you andyourIittIe girl.

We'd Iike to have the excIusive on the story.

It couId heIp find her, understand?

Where's the bathroom?

The TV crew's here.

TV?

Yes, foryourIive announcement.

They're aII waiting foryou.

GiIetti too?

Thankyou.

AIittIe make up.

I've been crying desperateIy.

Some eyeIiner.

I'm desperate.

Mymakeup's running.

Whoevertookmy chiId pIease

don't harm her.

I beg you. EIisa is a chiId,

she's my heart, she's my souI.

Don't hurt her, I beg ofyou.

I beg you on myknees, bring herback.

CeII phone.

One second.

Madam, I've seen on TV

you Iost yourchiId...

I wash dishes in a restaurant near Via OIimpica...

Via OIimpica? What's that got to do with it?

What?

YourchiId's with me, come and pickherup.

I can't hearanything, there's no reception.

It's the wrong moment, caII me Iater.

UnbeIievabIe!

Rome is fuII ofmegaIomaniacs.

-Where were we? -Yourdaughter...

Yes, my daughter.

I came to this supermarket afterwork.

You knowhowchiIdren are...

I'm a watchfuI mother, it's noticeabIe.

I'm a reaIIy sensibIe andwatchfuI woman.

My daughterwanted what every chiIdwants:

cookies, ice cream, candy, aII that stuff.

I was trying to keep up with her.

We arrived at the frozen foods, pizzas, ice creams...

We picked up some frozen pizzas,

but carefuI,

I don't want to seem pretentious

but I'm a very good cook...

Do you knowthe greatest Egyptian diver?

-Who is it? - MohammedAI Dive!

- Funnyno? - Not reaIIy!

And the Cambodian poIe vauIt goId medaIist?

-Who is it? - PoIe Pot!

It's worse than the otherone!

It's been a whiIe! You weren't at the races yesterday!

Because we work, we carry ourweight.

Forus money doesn't grow on trees Iike you!

PagnotteIIo, anythingforus?

4 Nigerians, 3 Pakistanis and 2 Indians.

The Indians interest us. Nice peopIe.

Theyhave fourkids though.

No way.

We don't deaIwith kids.

We stiII have a heart!

-Two hearts. - Beating in ourchests!

I knowwho's beatingforyou.

Yoursisterand yourgirlfriend are beatingthe pavement.

He's taIking about yoursister.

No, actuaIIy about yourmom.

- ReaIIy?. -Yes!

- Mymom? -Yes.

In MiIan you'd say: what Iuck!

SuperIuck.

Luckyto findtwo generous guys Iike us,

100%, no, 120% MiIanese.

I've nevermet a generous guyIike you.

Aguyfrom the south, workingforpeanuts.

For2 Ieverbeams.

And he's Iucky to get the two Iast free spots.

Free now, but notforever.

- Look at the queue. -What's queue?

The Iine, Iike the fish Iine?

I hate fish.

What does the pIace Iook Iike?

Come on teII him.

Very nice view, on the sea, you see the sea spray!

No, no sea.

Fairenough, on the river, it's great.

Andthe floor.

AII niceIy carpeted, totaI IinoIeum.

Fake carpeting.

ReaIIyfake.

-Andfake IinoIeum. -And the bathroom?

The bathroom has an ''aspiring'' shower.

Yourwife wiII be comfortabIe with runningwater.

And eIectricity.

WonderfuI water.

- Fresh water. - ReaIIyfresh.

And coIor TV.

PIasma TV, a housefuI ofpIasma!

FuII ofpIasma!

You aIways saythe right thing.

You make me Iaugh when I Ieast expect it!

Here we are!

Howmany peopIe here?

- 2. -What do you mean 2?

They don't take up much space, Iike pigmies !

I agree.

Both ofus agree.

Theywon't bother.

Give us this week's rent.

-Won't they bother? - No.

The girI is a mute singer!

And he's a ventriIoquist.

Aretired one!

Do you want an invoice?

- So you want one. - ShouId I?

Go ahead.

That's aIways a good one: the invoice joke!

I Iead the way?

Towards the penthouse pIease.

PIease, waIk down.

One moment pIease.

Ready?.

- Go! - Let's open.

Get inside!

Shove him inside!

Push!

Push!

CarefuI! He's dragging me in!

TheAfrican guy's escaping! Lockit!

The SenegaIese is dragging me in.

- I'm cIosing! -Wait!

They're knocking!

-Who cares? - Maybe theyneed air!

No way! I couId buiId 2 more penthouses!

- Maybe they're too many. - No they're not, Iook!

Bastard!

Enough! I expect a minimum of good manners!

THE MONSTERS,TODAY

THE MONSTERS,TODAY

---SUB-ENG---T4P3---

IRON 6

ONLYGREAT LOVE

THEWOUNDED MAN

THE OLD MAN AND THE DOG

FATHERS AND SONS

PULLYOURSELFTOGETHER

THE END OFTHEWORLD

POOR GHIGO

SUPERIOR RACE

EURO MORE EURO LESS

GIRLS IN BLOOM

HARD THERAPY

THE INSANEACT

SECOND HOME

AMOTHER'S HEART

LET'S GREETTHEM