Original subtitles

MOSFILM

'VREMYA'' ARTISTIC ASSOCIATION

Written by V. TOKAREVA, G. DANELIA

Directed by A. SERY

Director of Photography G. KUPRIYANOV

Production Designer B. NEMECHEK

Music by G. GLADKOV Sound by V. KOSTELTSEV

Starring:

YEVGENY LEONOV

GEORGY VITSIN

SAVELY KRAMAROV

RADNER MURATOV

ERAST GARIN

NATALYA FATEYEVA

P. SHPRINGFELD, O. SOKOLOVA A.PAPANOV, O.VIDOV, N.OLYALIN

GENTLEMEN OF LUCK

AN UNLYRICAL COMEDY

ArcheoIogicaI Expedition 12. 2 kiIometers.

- Hey, that's it! - I'II bet there're snakes around here. - Snakes? What kind of snakes?

Cobras!

- Hey, get this cameI down. - Down! Hey, come on, down!

Come on! Lie down, oh, boy, come on!

Hey! Hey, Lawyer!

- He won't lie down! - Look, I'll clobber you!

Hear that? We'll clobber you! If you won't lie down we'll cllober you! Well?

- Where is it? - RIght down there, in that yeIIow tent.

Okey-doke! As soon as it's dark we move!

USSR Ministry of InternaI Affairs

How much does the heImet weigh?

Five kiIograms, 243 grams, and it's pure goId.

Yes... A rather heavy hat.

Now look, comrade CoIoneI, it's more than just a hat...

It's a rarity, seems it's archeoIogicaIIy and historicaIIy unique.

Everything bears out our theory that this so a gold heImet is indeed the very same

which the Emperor AIexander the Great of Macedonia have lost

when he's waiting to set out to subdue India.

Ask SIavin to come in. You shouId guard your precious treasures, professor Maltsev.

- We had someone to guard it! - No doubt!..

Then it's for a thief the thing like this isn't an an archeoIogicaI treasure, but just 5 kilograms of goId.

He can take it apart, melt it down, he might even sell it abroad.

As a matter of fact,

the identities of the three culprits have been established, they're aII oId offenders.

Yermakov...

Sheremetyev...

BieIy, their chief.

- May I? - Go ahead.

He's a very dangerous criminaI.

What a repuIsive-Iooking individuaI!

Mama, I'm gonna be late!

Coming, son.

Here you are. Eat, darIing.

Mmm...

- Good morning, Evgeny Ivanovich! - Good morning, Masha!

How's my son doing? Is he behaving? - Just fine! - Be strict to his spoileder now.

- Morning. - Morning. How are you?

Commuter's pass.

I have my ticket.

Kindergarten No. 83

- Oh, good mornong, Yelena! - Good morning. They're not eating.

- Good morning. - Good morning!

Your attention, comrades, just for a minute!

- Today, you're not going to eat your lunch here but somewhere else. - Hurray!

We're going on a trip in an interplanetary rocket to Mars. I appoint as commander. Let's see... Igoryok...

- Igoryok is commander of the flight. - Hurray!

Now take your cosmic spoons and interpIanetary forks,

and finish everything on your pIates. Seems the rocket isn't undo back on Earth until suppertime.

You're a genius!

- Yevgeny Ivanovich, can we see you for a minute? - I'm busy now, sorry.

But this comrade insists.

Ah! I've caught you at Iast!

- To the Lawyer! - Yep.

We're setting party. Now we can operate. We've got roubles in our pockets!

And I'II get a snazzy set freshmade for myseIf, brand-new gas, buggy and zip down to YaIta!

There's the third one. Now we can nab all three!

- What are you doing with the helmet? - Where did you hide this one?

- I just went fishing. - Where do you were doing down the lake?

There got hole in the ice. Got some fish for supper.

- Crosseyes, you can swim catching? - Me? Swim? - Can you dive?

Say, this is winter, haven't you heard? Our deaI didn't incIude swimming.

- You know, they've got us staked out. - What do you mean?

I feeI it...

I got radar antennas. It's time for us to spIit up.

- Good evening, gentlemen! - We've had it. End of the Iine!

This is where we get off, boys!

Who's afraid of the big bad woIf, big bad woIf, big bad woIf?

Where're you running, stupid woIf, oId woIf, big bad woIf?

Who's afraid of the big bad woIf, big bad woIf, big bad woIf?

Where're you running, stupid woIf, oId woIf, big bad woIf?

All right! A big hand, comrades!

Here comes the crueI, nasty woIf.

I'II huff and I'II puff,

and I'II bIow your house down! Grrr...

Thank you very much, Igoryok. WeII, that wasn't bad.

OnIy, you know, Igoryok, you really didn't scare us. Now here's are you should do it.

I'II huff and I'II puff,

and I'II bIow your house down! Grrr...

Yevgeny Ivanovich, it's that man again, the abnormal one.

Good afternoon, Comrade Troshkin. Sit down.

- We've managed to capture the thieves. - CongratuIations.

It's a little too early. The heImet was missing. They're all over head it. I've searched everywhere.

Naturaly they won't talk I couldn't find over pressing thing.

Now we have a little idea...

- And I promised that I will speak to you about it. - Alright, I'm listening.

- Here's a plan, first we propose to put a wig on you... - Yeah.

And then we're going to tattoo you... and we'll throw you in a prison.

What's that? Are you crazy?

It's a great idea! I'll bet that our own mother couldn't teII which of you is which.

- I don't see what you mean. - Oh, dear, dear, Lord above, bIess me!

The triaI has been heId, two of them got 4 years. Nothing, a hoIiday might say.

And this one noone home you example so closely was given eight years.

The other two are doing their time out to in CentraI Asia.

- And this one, the chief, near Moscow. Now do you understand? - No.

Oh, Lord above, bIess me!

You'II be put in jaiI aIong with the other two,

and they wiII take you for this one, oh, that you see.

That way you'II be abIe to Iearn from them where the heImet is.

- Now do you understand? - Oh, not really, I'm rather not.

- But why not? - It's madness. And what'll I tell my mother and what'll I tell...

Just say that you have to leave to attend a seminar of kindergarten teachers.

No, I don't want to. I've blood support to do.

The Christmas tree, the children.

And besides... it isn't ethicaI.

EthicaI, or unethicaI!

Oh, we're the onIy ones who pay attention to affects. We ... standing bells... for pure answers

The Turks has the right idea back in the times of Tamerlane.

You put the thug in a vat that is fiIIed with excrement,

so his innit up tp his neck and you ride him through town.

Over him stands an executioner with a saber in his hand,

and every two minutes he goes 'swish' with his bloody saber right over the vat!

So if the thief doesn't dive, no more head.

What do you think of that? All day long dive in the muck or lose your head!

That was in Turkey. In Tamerlane's time.

- To run away? - Crash out, spIit, fade.

Very good.

- To taIk gibberish? - SIip your troIIey.

- What's good? - Okey-doke.

- What's a barroom? - A grog miII.

- An easy burgIary? - A hop stop.

- An untrustworthy man? - Wrong number.

PiIIar of the community?

I forgot... Wait...

A mossback. A scoutmaster or a mossback.

Wig, aIright?

- Sure I come off? - That's right.

Oh, go on, pull harder. It's a speciaI gIue. He can even the shower.

That's good.

- Good resembIance? - Yes, but he's a kind man, the other is nasty.

- Here's your home. How do you Iike it? - Cozy. Which bunk will we get?

Your sack.

- You've got to take the best spot. - And where is that?

Yevgeny Ivanovich, don't you remember that? By the window, over here.

But someone's things are there.

Throw them on the fIoor.

And when he comes back, you teII him to spIit, fade, get Iost...

- Remember? - Very well.

That's it. Soon they'II be returning from work.

And don't forget, you got to make it clear to the others you've partIy Iost your memory.

If anybody tries to beat you up, knock on the door.

AII great. I mean, okey-doke.

Hey you! What is this? Why'd you throw away my things?

You...

shut up...

I'm gonna show you!

Alright, go on!

Look... Look now... Be a good boy, will you?

Hey, hey, it's a Lawyer! How you doing, fellow?

WeIcome home!

- And you split, get Iost! - Get lost, that's right!

He'd better get lost and quick at the wise or I'm gonna cIobber him, whap him, gouge his bIinkers out!

For the rest of his Iife he'II have to pay me for the bandages!

There's the dirty eyes! The knuckIehead! The fungus face!

Buzz off, boy, or I'II bash your face in!

Well, why didn't you say so?

Greetings, pen paIs!

WeII, I'II be a three-eyed owI!

- How you doing? - Good oId Raspy!

Hi there, Lawyer!

Listen, fatso!

I've got a better spot for your bunk, next to the sIop-bucket!

- Who is he? - Nicky of Minsk.

Listen, for Iess than that, a Iot Iess, much Iess,

I've strangIed and torn guys apart!

Don't get sore, paI. Don't get sore.

- I'II gouge your bIinkers out! - Guard, heIp! This guy wants to bIind me! Help!

Nothing serious.

Hey, Crosseyes!

- Quiet! - Huh?

- Where'd you ditch the heImet, huh? You cockroach! - What?

Mmm...

- You had the heImet, paI! - Oh yeah? Then what did I do with it?

- How shouId I know? - You're gonna be sorry!

- What for? - I'II clobber you!

Hey, cooI it, Lawyer!

You dragged the helmet around, mind him?

You know you aIways kept the heImet in a sack.

You came and went with it in every place. And in the day they put their arms it wasn't in the sack.

Oh, how come you try to pin it on me?

When anything goes wrong, just bIame it on oId Crosseyes, huh.

- What is this? Don't you remember whst happened? - I don't remember a thing.

Blood out dropped off that baggage rack on the train.

Got bumped on the noggin. Now... nothing.

- You know you are! - I'll never get out if I Iie!

In between getting the heImet and my triaI, everything is well Iike cut off.

That's wash crap! One second you remember, the next you don't remember!

Believe it or not,

I got sIoshed one night. When I woke up at the station, I remembered nothing.

That can happen!

- Tell me what we did at the night we get to Moscow. Remember? - No.

- First we we hoIed up in somebody's chickencoop? - AII right, what then?

- We got smashed. - Hang up with you, joker!

Then a gink came up to see you, you had a big chinfest with him in the backyard.

- A gink. What gink? - You said he worked in a theatre in a cIoakroom...

He was... in charge of a cloakroom...

- I don't remember. Then what happened? - We went to drop the loot on a fence.

- Where? - On the bouIevard.

- What bouIevard? What was it caIIed? - You know, the main drag with aII the cars.

I couIdn't teII you the address now. I'd recognize the pIace though.

Say, couId you guys pIease knock it off.

This is getting to be a reaI drag: remember, don't remember. Let's get some shut eye.

FIight 407 from Moscow...

FIight 407 from Moscow has just Ianded. Passengers will be arriving at cape #2

- Where are you going? - I'm going to prison.

No! I'm a kindergarten principaI,

I can't run around the Soviet Union with a couple of wrong numbers.

Well, I was summoned by the coIoneI, and here's what he said:

just in case those two are not Muscovites and don't know the names of the streets,

they can point them out to you on the spot!

So they can escape organized a faIse break, and they wiII take us to that heImet.

That is, naturaIIy, if you can manage to convince Comrade Troshkin to do it.

No, comrade!

I take a pIane, have to dropping aII the things I have to do,

I take a taxi, and come all the way here, and he doesn't want to do it!

- That's right, I don't want to. - Huh?

I've got a hundred chiIdren each year, and aII their have mamas, papas, granddads, grandmothers.

AII our these people have known me all these years!

And how you rescue me to show myself in Moscow

Iooking Iike this, with thieves as companions?

Oh... Speaking about mamas...

Early this morning I dropped by your home

and I toId your mother that the seminar wouId Iast at least 2 weeks Ionger.

At ten o'cIock in the dot at the cement pIant. The driver is our man.

- You got the cIothes? And some cash? - It's aII ready.

In a haystack. I've seen it, I know.

We'II be caught. It's a pIant and you're a sucker.

Alright, after two of you! Anyway, I'll be there and I'm gonna take your cut.

Yes...

- Not exactIy comfortabIe. - Oh, it's not a Iong ride. It'II make it.

Repeat your orders!

Park by the cement mixing yards by setting normal spotman.

When the three men sneak into my tank truck,

I drive, without Ioading cement into it, out to AIibakan.

At the crossroads, near the restaurant, park and go for a drink tiII the three men climb out.

- Perfect. Go ahead! - Right!

Alright, let's go!

- Where are you going? - To the cement yard!

- Where is it? - There!

- Where, man? - Have a look!

Oh, no, the engine parts are there, you've got it all wrong.

- Are you crazy? - The cement is that way! - You're out of your mind. I precisely saw them Ioad cement there.

Have a Iook!

Move out!

Come on!

We did it!

- Why's he stopped? - Maybe a poIice check?

Go ahead!

That's it. It's fuII up.

And you said that we'd be riding an empty tank!

- What sIime! - Like in Turkey.

Come on!

Come on! Move it!

Hey! Wait for me!

Don't you think you're going to look back too far that could be, there?

- You may you think they crawled out through the pipe? - Arlight, you teII me where they are!

- Hey, Lawyer, there's no hay here. - You're teIIing me, huh!

You sure it isn't your memory again pIaying tricks?

- Maybe it's somewhere else, not in a haystack? - I'll cIobber you!

Say, this is high grade cement. You can't wash the stuff off.

- Alright, why did you break out? - Everybody's breaking up, so I broke up.

He'II rude everything, Iightning strike me dead!

You better teII him, Raspy, that taking him wasn't part of our deaI.

TeII him yourseIf.

Get out of here! Did you hear what I said? Come on! Get out!

Crosseyes, you're an untrustworthy man.

You're just mean.

He's bound to seII out. You hear, Lawyer?

He'II squeaI right away.

You're right, we'd better keep him with us.

- Crosseyes, stop him! - Hey, yelly!

Come on back. How Iong were you in for?

I got a year.

And now you're gonna get three more years.

For breaking out. ArticIe 188 STOP

Hey, Lawyer! Look at that! Alright, what do we do?

- We'II go dressed Iike this. - This?

- They'II pick us up. - We go dressed Iike this!

We're on a track team, we're training.

Come on!

CIear the track, grandpa!

Thanks. May wait for the track team. See you at the OIympic games!

Yes, what can I do for you?

Just a second.

- SIavin sends greetings. - But who's SIavin?

- VIadimir SIavin. - I don't know him. What can I do for you?

- They made a reservation for us. - How many are you?

Three... That is a, four...

There's one too many.

We'II manage somehow.

May I see your papers?

Heaven got them. The coach wiII bring them tonight.

- What cIub are you running for, guys? - Reserves of Labour. - The 'Dynamo' ended? - Everybody's ended!

- Hey, what are you doing? We have the keys! - Slow, I'm sorry.

What about groceries?

Yes, I'm starved.

It's chowtime at that camp. Macaroni...

Take it easy. We'll be stay put, see. I'II be right back.

Comrade, wouId you be so kind as to Iend me a pair of pants?

You know, just for a minute. Our cIothes are on the way, but I've got to go out tp phone...

You play chess? You wanna game?

When I come back.

Police at cord.

- Lieutenant SIavin? - No one by that name here.

- I don't understand? - We don't having anyone by that name here.

- This is the Lawyer! - CongratuIations.

- Wait a second, didn't anyone tell you I'd call? - What about?

- Hey, sunny! - What? - What town is this? - Novokassimsk.

- And AIibakan? - It's a Iong way. 20 kiIometers.

- Sit down. - Thank you, I'd rather stand.

Here's what happened, you see. That is I'm from Moscow. I'm principaI of Kindergarten #83.

- I see. - There're four of us. - AII of you principaIs?

- In a way... - TeII me your probIem.

What you see, we came by tank truck in a Ioad of cement was pouring.

It dried our cIothes became useIess.

Well, I'm very sorry... You're my onIy hope, dear colleague.

CouId I borrow 19 rubIes and 40 kopecks for a coupIe days?

- WiII that be enough for four? - I figured out and it comes to just that.

Come aIong.

This'II be the game room, you see?

- And this... - That's nice.

This is gonna be our gym.

- PIan sounds good. - It's splendid.

If you and the others wiII move the radiators out of this room.

You can take them out that way. There's another door there.

Stack them under the stairs. And I'II pay you... twenty rubIes.

AII right?

AII right. OnIy if you don't mind if my colleagues wouId rather work at night.

It'd be better if you couId put the twenty rubIes...

Iet's say now, in this tabIe here, and if you could maybe padIock the door.

When the room will cIeaned up, where the far door will be clear,

we'II simpIy come in here and take our twenty roubles out.

You urgently troubled, dear colleague, it wiII be a soIid padIock.

Check!

- Move your knight! Move your knight, you idiot! - Shut up!

Mate!

And this goes over here.

Thank you very much.

Are you through?

No, I'm not through.

- I bet you my razor for my coat and my pants. - Just the coat. Alright?

Here we go.

I move here.

- Your knight! - Hang up with you!

Knight and queen six...

We move there.

- That's your move? - Sure that's our move.

Checkmate!

Give me back my jacket.

What's hitting you? You slip your trolley?

My ears! You're patching my ears!

Com... !Comrades! Comrades! Are you out of your minds?

Break it up!

- Take that coat off and give it right back, see! - Try to spin it on this!

That'II teach you!

Take it off, I said!

DisgracefuI! DisgracefuI, comrade!

On your feet!

Now get this, if you don't wanna go back to where you were,

if you wanna find the heImet in paddlish, all of you better quit aII your monkey shines!

No drinking! No gambIing! And no steaIing... without me!

And no more swear, no more nicknames! From now one we talk to each other by use our names! Even noone's around!

- Your reaI name? - Ivan Petrovich.

- Yours? - Viktor Alexandrovich.

- Yours? - Ali Baba. - Didn't you hear me? I said no nicknames!

- But it's my... real name! VassiIy AIibabayevich, Vassia. - That's better.

The thief #41.

My name is Yevgeny... I mean... AIexander Alexanderovich. Got that?

- Answer me! I said got that? - I got you.

Sit down!

Tonight, after dark, we'll go a bIast.

- Is he coming too? - Everybody's coming.

This guy's a wrong number. He'II sing if things get hot.

First bIast we do, he'II crack.

Come here... Come on, come on, Viktor.

Sit down, take this pen, now write this down:

Wrong number - dash - untrustworthy man.

To sing,to squeal on - dash - to betray.

Things get hot - work has become dangerous. Paragraph.

A bIast - dash a dangerous job.

- You've got that? - Yeah.

And now would you please tell Vassia what you said before,

onIy this time the way honest citizens speak. Go on.

This untrustworthy man

wiII betray us if our work becomes dangerous.

Seventy one...

- Forty-six. - What? Thirty-two!

What is this? FiIthy IittIe Iouse!

AIexander AIexanderovich! He call me a name using bad language, yeah-yeah!

Alright, no more arguments!

Quiet, Lawyer!

That VassiIy AIibabayevich... That untrustworthy man...

dropped the Ioad on my toes, the bastard!

It's here!

EviIs of Drink

- Perhaps they've kiIIed him? - My dear professor!

A man left hotel at 8:30 on the dark part his track team to th estdium one of the town.

When 9:00 he went to department store and bought four sweat shirts.

At 9:20 our collaborator approached him.

At the moment they're moving at somewhat reduced speed in this direction.

Yevgeny Ivanovich, dear old friend! I was so afraid that you were dead.

I still did catch up on a little sleep.

- Mind if I cop a nod, Ivan Petrovich? - No!

There's nobody else on this stadium, you will stand out Iike three sore thumbs in the bIeachers,

and you wanna waIIow in the sun Iike a sIeepy dog.

What are you spitting for, Vassia?

To think I robbed chiIdren. I'm worse than a jackaI or hyena!

I stoIe the kindergarten money!

You're getting civiIized as heII!

On your oId job you did worse than that,

spiking gasoIine with cameI piss. Huh, in the gouverment you can spot.

That was just gas... This was chiIdren.

- Where are you off to? - To prison.

- No, don't do that! - Let him go ahead.

Figure it out, he aIready had one year, escape is three, five for the kindergarten.

Go ahead, Vassia.

Now read!

Here you are. Sign for it. There's cash for four, for housing and meaIs...

- Now cIothing. - Right.

- It's for you, comrade. - Oh, thank you.

Yes, but why for four? Why is this fellow VassiIy Alibabaevich have to tag aIong?

Because. You see, if we arrested him,

it wouId give the other two cause for suspicion.

- Oh, great. - Now last but not least #8 Horse Lane will be your address in Moscow.

- The apartment? - You'II pick the one you want.

The block's going to be torn down. Tenants rehoused.

- But then it isn't heated! - There's no heat...

- And no eIectricity. - Well, well.

Then wouIdn't it be better if they can stay at my country house?

I have a country house not far from Moscow.

Very kind ofyou. OnIy in neutraI territory I can feeI a Iot safer.

- Say, that's true that if they try to escape they have 3 extra years? - That's right.

Well, I... That Iaw must not be appIied to my companions.

Don't worry about it.

Abakan - Moscow

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

He's reaIIy Iaying it on! I guess he reaIIy bumped his noggin hard.

Hey there, Lawyer! What do you think you're doing? Those are some cop cIodhoppers you bought!

I got 'em from a ragman. Not in a department store.

There's a taxi. Go after it.

- Hey, buddy, are you free? Say, are you free? - Sure I'm free. - Hey!

Here? There're trees here, it's a bouIevard, over there there's a gray house.

Now Iook, feIIa!

You hard of hearing or what? Didn't we tell you it was this kind of a tree?

A fir tree then?

What do you mean, fir tree? Didn't we say it was this way?

You've got to expIain it better to up!

It's costing for us eight rubIes is this now.

- Was there a pond? - No pond. Just puddIes.

Is it a monument there?

- There was a monument! - Whose monument was it?

How shouId I know? Some gink alright...

- With a beard? - No.

- Did he have sideburns? - I don't remember that.

- He wore a jacket! - Was he seated?

- What? - Was he sitting down?

- Who? - The gink you were taIking about.

What a yokeI! How couId he do that?

How couId the poor guy sit down? An iron monument Iike that?

Where to now?

Home I guess.

Why don't you buy a map? KnuckIehead!

Here are some concert tickets. FoIIow up your Iead on the cIoakroom.

Hey, I found it, there it is! I found it!

The feIIow with the jacket, there it i!

And over there is the tree!

HeIIo there, don't you recognize me, little girI?

No, I don't.

Now Iisten, Lawyer! I toId you I was going to go Iegit.

- Didn't I? - You did.

- I told you you'd better not come back, didn't I? Didn't I? - You might have...

- I told you If you did I'll throw you out? Didn't I? - Did you?

I sure did. So don't take it too hard.

- What's what you got there? - I need it.

Wipe your feet, pIease.

Please, cIose the door.

Say, this is a groove.

You Iike it? [WELCUM]

Chow down, fellas, sit down and help yourself.

You're a good man, Alibabaevich.

Good oId spuds, eh?

A pretty good baked them in the ashes, if you camping too.

When I was a kid we went camping with to do that. We start a nice fire opened, burn them in the ashes.

Yes, when I was at the front I had a cutties experience. I've been setting after Kursk with my units...

You at the front? Hang up, wiII you?

Can I looks like since you've got bounced down that house. Your memory's been all gone. Right?

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Oh fir tree green... Oh fir tree green...

Thy Ieaves are green forever.

They aII are green in summer's prime,

- They aII are green in winter time. - Oh fir tree green... Oh fir tree green...Thy Ieaves are green forever.

AIexander Alexanderovich, Iet me have a IittIe money, wiII you?

Our kerosene burner be useful. Our coaI burner is no good. Might set a fire to this place.

Yeah, you can have some cash.

It's gone! It's here, my pocket.

What, gone?

- Might I've dropped it. - Nah, the hack driver pinched it.

Sure! There was something about him I couldn't take from the start.

Yeah, he looks like we aII Iook Iike wrong number.

- What do we do? - Got to puII a IittIe job, Lawyer.

Oh, shut up! Listen, Lawyer, I'm gonna take a Iook around the market with Raspy.

No! AII of us wiII go!

Hey, you over there, you can't go that way. Go this way.

You might get hit by the snow. We're shoveIing snow off the roof.

Just a minute! Don't go that way! Go this way!

Otherwise you get hit by the snow!

Come on.

- Good afternoon. - Huh...

- CouId you teII me that... - SpIendid weather, isn't it, my boy?

- Yes, it's nice out. - Go ahead. Goodbye.

- Goodbye. - Go on.

The best weapon of the thief is courtesy.

You take the fourth fIoor, and you the sixth. Go on!

Why are you sighing Iike that?

- A jackaI is what I am, a thieving no good, that's right. - What are you steaIing?

Today I'm the Iookout when the others do the job.

They've done the job! And I'm going.

Hey you, stop! Come back here! Stop!

FoIIow me, chiIdren, and hurry!

- Good afternoon, Yevgeny Ivanovich! - Good afternoon, chiIdren.

- HaIt! - Excuse me.

Yevgeny Ivanovich! Where are you going?

Just Iike a baIIet! The white swan!

- You've seen baIIets? - I give ear.

Back in 1954 with my wife we were on a vacation,

vacation in Moscow.

She dragged me to the baIIet day and night

- Where's your wife now? You know? - Got no wife.

She's passed on?

I've passed on.

- We have to Iie Iow, Lawyer. - Why?

The janitor girl is known about us. We'd better show up seldom in the street, we'II be snagged.

I'd like to buy ladies' shoes. Three pairs.

Size eIeven, size thirteen and size fourteen.

Nice Iegs.

Say, what time is it, sweetheart?

- Ten past six. - Sweetheart!

What's your name? I bet it pretty.

- Tanya. - My name's Viktor.

Oh, silly goose!

That's him! That's the man who came to see you.

Do you want opera gIasses?

They'II grab us for sure up. Better run for us!

Wait for me in the john.

This way.

Nadyusha, I have to see someone.

Here's your number.

Do you know me?

Now what do you say?

Tomorrow. Square in front of the BoIshoi Theatre. Five o'cIock.

I'm sorry, I...

Men

- Excuse me, ladies, but hasn't there a some mistake? - Come on in!

- What are you staring at? - Excuse me.

What's wrong with that guy? We're gonna get snagged here. I know we shouId've gone to the jane.

Here comes another one.

Let's spIit!

The cash!

It's under a fIoorboard, where I hid it!

That's why the cash was lost, huh! He's dashing...

You wrong number!

- Who are you caIIing a wrong number? - I'II tear you apart!

Stop it! Break it up!

Alright, break it up!

It has been known aII aIong, There's no fun without a song.

And even if it's raining today,

We shouId remember, I and you, There's no reason to feeI bIue,

Tomorrow'II be better than yesterday.

Wake up and sing! Wake up and sing!

And just keep smiIing, For once in your Iife, darIing!

Wait for me right here.

However capricious may be Iuck, it chooses those who don't duck

An opportunity to Iaugh at one's own wrong.

Sing going to bed, sing in your sIeep, sing in the morn!

Professor MaItsev, pIease.

...AII that is gone Cannot return.

It's one-way street, no going back, And if you're now off the track,

Tomorrow you'II get back in the saddIe.

Wake up and sing, wake up and sing, And just keep smiIing,

For once in your Iife, keep smiIing!

- Viktor! It's you? - Mishka!

How are you, Mishka?

I can hardIy beIieve it's reaIIy you!

- It's not reaIIy him. - Hey, get outta here!

Hey, will loving, what are you doing?

Well, I'm in the roll-bearing plan, an engineer's job, and you?

Oh, I heard that. I...

He's a thief!

- That's not funny, granny. - No, it's not funny.

- Come on. - Where are we going?

Out to the country. I've just made connections with the drop. Understand?

- Who is he? - Orphan Viktor.

I've known him every since we were birth.

- Don't be like that I had to. - Listen here, Lawyer.

I know you're the headman around here.

But why did you night in front of Mishka?

Now he's not Iike us. To not the same breed.

He was so happy to see me...

And you caIIed me a thief.

- What'II he think about me now? - You're in for a surprise.

- He wiII envy you! - Envy me?

Then how he will! Now engineer, a little mossback.

How does he Iive anyway? Goes to plant mornings, comes home at night...

To his ball and children, sniveIing brats.

So now and then he goes to a show, in the summer he goes to YaIta on vacation.

A scoutmaster! And you? Who are you?

A gentleman of luck, outIaw, robber, you reaIIy Iive.

SteaI, drink, crash out a jaiI. It's much more romantic!

May you think?

That guy envies you!

One, two, one, two, three, four. One, two, one, two, three, four.

Lift your knees higher! No cheating!

FaII in right here.

March out! That's it. That's enough.

One, two, squat up and down. One, two, kick.

Feet higher, don't bend your knees!

Squat! Up!

Good! And now we proceed with speciaI abIutions!

- This is good! - Hey, Lawyer, I have a coId this morning.

- I'm gonna cIobber you! - That's aII you can say, huh?

SnowfIakes white and fIuffy make a magic sight,

Snowdrifts have grown aII over outside.

Thank you very much. And one more thing, YeIena,

don't teII anyone that you met me in Moscow for me please for the time being.

Why was I made up the way once?

Oh, say, well, a contest for the best of the best bogeyman.

I'm sorry... I have to take up!

Yeah!

You can come and get it!

You forgot easy, don't you? I said hands of fthe stuff in here. You'll wreck down the piano.

You know what he pinced some lipstick any. He drew a naked woman out here, right.

- Hey! - Will you come and get it, or not?

Ah! Good oId spuds!

- Your hands! - My hands?

Let's see your hands!

Go and wash!

A man can't even eat!

- Go and wash! - Give a street...

Alexander Alexanderovich! Let me have some coins, wiII you?

The gas range doesn't work and I'm gonna eat...

I'm gonna buy a butane burner.

Listen my super all!

You don't fiddIe with anything! You don't Iight any fires!

You'II wash everybody's cIothes, and you take...

...this book and you learn some French, understand? You'll study from here to here. You wiII have an oraI test.

If you don't know your Iesson, I'm gonna gouge your bIinkers out, I'll bug you one,

and, how does it go? I'II cIobber you! Got that?

- What's the use of Iearning French? - We're gonna do the job at the French embassy!

- How do you say 'house'? - 'Un maison'

- Oui. 'A stool' - 'Un tabouret'

Qui. What's 'a girl'?

- 'A tamade' - Oh, no, in French, En français!

- Well? 'Fee'! - O, qui, qui - fee!

Qui, qui - a broad.

HeIIo there! So you're home!

No, we're not. The owner Iives in Moscow.

Yes, I know. I own this house.

This is Vassia. He's our adviser in scientific research.

- PIeased to meet you. - HeIIo.

What housekeepers! Doing aII your Iaundry?

- I can't make my husband do a thing, nobody can bath him. - The Lawyer bath your husband.

Come on, have some tea. I've brought you some pasty.

She's the IandIord's daughter, the fence's!

OnIy she thinks that her papa is an archeoIogist.

It's the building goods man soldier were scientists. Keep up story's free.

So I phoned papa to find out who is in our home. And he said that there were some colleagues of it, archeoIogists from Tomsk.

So I hurried right down, because Iast year, when we were in Tomsk,

your professor ZeIentsov gave us a royaI weIcome.

Isn't the professor with you?

No! We onIy brought Lawyer.

- What's your name? - LudmiIa.

My name is Viktor.

- And what are you working on now? - WeII... digging things up.

My! How interesting! In the bounce of the earth you find treasures Iost for centuries...

How I envy you!

You think you can use me, maybe you couId take me aIong on your next expedition, though I have no predicular training.

- I did hear lady goes cook or whatever... - You never know what bag you're getting to.

A friend of mine, for example, he went to school to study mathematics, but he really could do is draw.

His banknote drawings are so good they Iook just Iike reaI ones.

- Well, is he the man? - I still can't say for sure.

I'II have to get a cIoser Iook.

- Have you a Iight by any chance? - I don't smoke.

- WeII? - No, it's not him.

- So he's a dick. - You're right.

We've checked: there's no heImet at any of the addresses pointed up by Lawyer's accomplices.

There's one more Iead to be checked: the cIoakroom man at the concert hall.

Now we haven't been abIe to check it yet, because he didn't come to the appointed meeting place.

He might have got suspicions. He didn't go back home, meeting after concert hall.

- We better find him. - What do I do now?

You go home. We apoIogize and thank you.

You may washed up, may take the wig off, wash off the tattoos, your job's done.

I wish you a happy new year. We are very gratefuI.

- And the boys? - Your doing helpers will be sent back to researchmenr along.

I'm sorry. I don't understand you but meaning is the cloakroom man.

I would tell you but prefer not to.

Today BieIy escaped from jaiI, very cIose to Moscow, is the Lawyer.

- He broke out? - Yes, he did, it's a fact.

It wouId be too dangerous to impersonate this man now.

Tomorrow, then?

It's New Year's Eve today, a hoIiday. They've been trying so hard.

We probably just the safeful they are. He'll never find us there.

Well, aII right. OnIy stay in the house.

Oh yes, your message was forwarded to Sheremetyev's wife.

Here's her repIy addressed to her husband.

Alright then. Do you promise you'II come for dinner at our home New Year's day?

Sure, we will!

It's sad! It's so sad. Such a nice girI!

And yet her father is a specuIator.

What's aII the noise about? Who tell you to Ieave the house?

Here he is again... The untrustworthy feIIow.

Happy New Year!

Vassia...

Ivan Petrovich...

Viktor.

Comrades!

A brand new year is beginning,

and I hope this brand new year

will be good for you! And everything wiII be brand new!

We can't teII what's in the cards,

but I want you to know that wherever you are, wherever I am,

I wiII aIways remember you, men.

And I wilI find you, all easy.

And now... Just a minute... I'II be right back.

- Where's he going? - The deviI onIy knows...

You never teII with him. Got all of his wondering.

I know what he meant. He'll find us, and he'd bIeed us, too.

- You'II bIeed us to death? - Anyhow.

Look what he did of Mishka and a Pockface! Took his razor and 'swish'!

- Curtains! - Nothing but a wiId beast, a hyena!

Knock, knock... Who's there?

Santa CIaus! And he's brought you some presents.

- Viktor, come here. - What did I do now?

Come here I said.

This is for you. Something to wear home.

What good is it to me? I've got no home now.

You wiII though. Everything wiII come in time. They'II be usefuI in prison to wear it.

Anything for a Iaugh. A club.

- For you, Vassia. - Thanks. - Ivan Petrovich, this is for you.

Thanks very much. Hey, it's virgin wooI!

And this too, it's for you.

To us. Drink up.

Arrgh! Like acid!

- A drag not having vodka! - Do you have to get drunk like swine?

- What eIse is there to do? - TeII peopIe the dreams you have. Man sometimes to him.

You sound Iike a headshrinker in a courtroom, Lawyer.

We can pIay indoor games, if you want.

Games? Where you find a sucker to pIay with you? You pIay with a stacked deck, I know.

But you have to gamble? There's all interesting.

There're many possibilities. I know an interesting game, it's caIIed ''cities''.

You see I start, I say 'Tula', then you pick one that begins with 'A', Astrakhan.

Then you think 'N', Novgorod. Then you think 'D'.

So you begin, Viktor.

- Why should I? - Go on, pick a city that starts with ''D''.

- Vorkuta. - Why Vorkuta?

- I did time there. - We'll start over.

- A city starting with ''A''. - DzhambuI.

- DzhambuI? Why DzhambuI? - Because the weather's warm there.

There's my home and my oId mama.

Now right. Gotta think I know a better game.

Let's say I leave you and you hide some object, when I will come back here, I look it and I find it.

- AII right, Viktor? - If you find the heImet, it help.

- Cut it! - We'II find some place to hide the thing and he'II peek in seed.

Why wouId I peek? AII right, Viktor, you hide subject somewhere eIse.

I'II stay here. Ali Baba will stay with me and you keep an eye on me. OK?

Why does it have to be me? If anything goes wrong, you pin it on me.

I'II cIobber you and I'll bash your face in here!

CIobber, cIobber...

- Listen, Lawyer, you were a little boy once, right? - That's right.

- You had a papa and a mama? Right? - Yes.

How can you be so nasty now? You're as mean as a mad dog.

Oh, Vassia...

- Hey! Get it hidden? - Raspy's hanged himseIf.

- There's our man. - Yeah... You're here too, are you?

You know, I was about to go to your joint, but I smeIt a little trap.

I couId just feeI it. I couId feeI it down in my bones.

Mitya, you gotta hide me whiIe.

Come on.

- Hey, where are we going? - Keep going.

Sorry, doctor, your ambuIance came for nothing.

That's aII right. Just give him a little sedative, hot tea and aspirin and mind him sIeep.

Thank you.

Does it hurt, Ivan?

PIenty, Vassia.

Read it again.

Again?

Dear papa,

we heard the news that you were in prison and the news made us very happy,

because we thought you were dead.

Oh, I should like to know the Iousy skunk

that tipped off Raspy's children about him?

Shhh!

And mama, she was happy too,

because, because when your Ietter came she felt like crying.

And she cried aII day Iong.

She used to teII us you were a piIot that he made test fIights...

Yeah, test fIights out of the cooIer.

Anyway I'm very gIad you're stiII aIive, daddy.

I'm glad because mama always said

you were good and kind, onIy you have a weak character.

That's it! He's a weak character!

SteaIs our bread and tries to pin it on a hack driver!

Get Iost, you cried? Or I'm gonna bash your teeth in!

Alright, cut it out!

What's wrong with you anyhow? You're over 40 years oId.

Which means that more than haIf of your Iives is past now.

What's your past Iike? Your present?

Muck and ignorance and fear, nothing human.

Snap out of it! Snap out of it whiIe the time's stiII right! Take my advice!

Listen to me, Lawyer! We got to get out of here, because that ... girl wiII turn us in.

- No, she won't. - What makes you think so?

I just bIed her with my razor, threw her in the weII, make you happy, have a look.

To CoIoneI Verchenko.

I'm going to teII these men who I am.

I haven't the right to deceive them any Ionger.

If something shouId happen to me, pIease don't accuse anyone. For this letter is nessesary.

Let's see, how much time was I serving?

One year.

And how much for escape? Three.

And then the kindergarten and the apartment? Let's say ten.

- How much is that in aII? - 14 years.

And instead of the measIy stretch 14 years in jail I have to put up with that crazy murderer?

Who throws IittIe oId Iadies into a weII?

Do anything you Iike, but I go to the poIice.

Yeah... Go ahead. He won't touch you.

How about you?

You mean to tell me you going to put up with him tiII you're both dead?

Vassia... Hey, Vassia!

A little while ago I toId him that I had a coId, but he said...

Squash it! Who gives a damn about your coId?

Come here.

Hey! Where are you, guys?

Here we are.

- What are you doing? - Oh, we're just sweeping the carpet.

Listen, comrades... Finita Ia commedia!

Now first time when I remove this. Watch me... One, two...

Three!

When I've done my time...

I'II quit! That'II be it.

Then I'm gonna get a job.

What job?

- The refrigerator 'salesman' for the ass comose? - What do you mean 'salesman'?

For I can work a see man trucking, I can be a transIator.

I know French now.

If onIy we had that helmet with us.

Who's the Lawyer? A wrong guy.

You have pIenty of those, but onIy one goId helmet.

If we can turn that heImet in, our sentence might be reduced.

Where couId he have stashed it? We've tried everywhere.

No good crook! I've got a cold

and you can say is 'swim, swim'. He wanna me dive in the water in this weather.

- What did you say that? - When they nabbed us, you remember that, don't you?

He toId us when he was fishing, on a lake and I have to dive

when it was thirty beIow.

Wait a minute. He did say something about fishing?

Yeah, he say he'd been fishing through a hole in the ice, and he asked me if I knew how to swim.

He put the heImet in the freezing water through the hoIe!

Hey, look at that! Hey, look at him! He remembers, untrustworthy man! Through the hoIe, in MaIakhov lake!

And what do you do, crammer? You couId've list of me a note when you hanged yourseIf!

- Come on! - And him?

Leave him for the cops. Come on! Why drag a bastard like him aIong?

Come on!

ArcheoIogists! Yahoo!

- You tell me where it is! - At the bottom, what do you think?

- Go on, dive. You'll find it. - Why me?

Always Crosseyes, Crosseyes is the goat!

- Vassia, do me a favour, teII him to try himseIf, huh? - Out of the question! When I can catch my death of coId.

Afraid to catch coId? A guy who's hanged himseIf! How about that?

You guys Iooking for something?

Dive for it! And make it quick!

- Oh, little girl, which way to the Ianding dock? - Straight ahead.

I'd waste you, boys but...

I've got other things to do.

HaIt!

They are doubIing up! There're two of them now!

Three, the third one is back at the house tired up!

HaIt!

That's one!

Oh, splendid! Viktor Petrovich, splendid work...

Two!

The more Lawyers we cup, the better for us.

What about us?

We give up, too!

They've aIready shaved his head.

The End

Переведено на Нотабеноиде http://notabenoid.com/book/55546/244651

Переводчики: mykstery