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It was my momma, Annie!

We were riding on the ferry boat

and she was holding me up to see all the big ships.

And I couldn't find her no more.

All I've ever wanted was to be an actress.

I'm not sure why.

Maybe I like living inside of someone else.

And maybe that's because

I don't like living inside of myself.

But also maybe it's just because I like art,

I like making people feel things, and I like to perform.

I don't know.

I did theater and dance when I was a kid,

dropped the dance when I was in high school.

Was involved in every single production that we did

in some way or another

and kept it up through college.

Got a bachelor's degree in theater,

and after graduation,

I moved to Chicago with my best friend.

In the past three years, I've had bit parts in two plays,

was in the chorus of a debut musical that bombed so hard

our eight show run was cut short,

and have done about a dozen student film projects.

It's not like I have to be some sort of star.

That's not what this is about.

I don't even care if I have a lead role.

I just want a part that has some depth to it.

I wanna be in something that I can actually be proud of.

I wanna do something that matters.

Hi, I'm Zoe Farina,

and I'll be auditioning for the role of Mae.

No, Mom, please. I have to say this.

I can't go outside these walls.

There's just too much pain.

I can feel everyone staring at me, staring at this.

The noise it makes, it's just so loud,

that's why I dropped out of high school.

I can feel everyone's eyes staring at me.

Heard all the giggles they tried to suppress

as I clomped and limped down the hall,

especially when I would enter the choir room.

Jim would never wanna be around me again.

Sure, we talked sometimes,

but he wouldn't wanna be around me any more than that.

Not around the limping girl who makes such a racket.

Nobody would wanna be near me.

So I turned out from the rest of the world

before it could cause me any more pain

than I already suffered.

And it seems that whatever crippled my leg...

Yes, Mom, I'm crippled and so is the rest of my being.

I just got worse and worse at school.

And then at college in that confined typing room,

that quick clacking of keyboard surrounded me

as I stumbled and fat-fingered all the letters.

Mom, secluded from the world in this home,

listening to records and dusting my glass collection,

this is where I belong.

I fail everywhere else in the outside world.

Here, there's nothing to fail at.

I'll never find a husband or a job,

so I might as well just give up trying now

and just be content in my bubble

with at least no additional failure for the rest of my life.

And I can't see Jim.

Would only result in the ultimate failure,

rejection from the only person I've ever loved.

Mom, I can't.

Just have dinner without me.

Thank you.

Are you all ready to order?

Yes, I believe so. Um...

Well, hmm...

Maybe I'll try...

- I can come back. - Oh, no, no, no.

I'll have the...

Hang on a minute.

Oh. Just, just one more minute.

Mm. Uh...

Hey, kid. Rough day?

Mm. That does sound bad.

You ever just hate everything?

That's a mood.

Like, can we switch jobs?

You wanna be a nurse?

I've got the skillset.

I can use monologues to heal the sick orphans.

Do you know what a hospital is?

I don't know. I just...

I just wish I was doing more.

Hey, something is gonna come up

because you are talented, you are hot,

and they'd be lucky to have you, okay?

We still on for tomorrow night?

Yeah. Tickets are at will call.

Nice.

- Hey, Leala? - Yeah.

I will get you my half of the rent tomorrow.

I'm-I'm really sorry that it's coming a little late.

That's okay.

Now I gotta go monologue to the orphans.

Break a leg.

I can feel everyone staring at me, staring at this.

The noise it makes, it's just so loud.

That's why I dropped out of high school.

I can feel everyone's eyes staring me.

Excuse me?

I... Nothing.

Nothing.

I can feel everyone's eyes staring at me.

Heard all the giggles they tried to suppress

as I clomped and limped down the hall.

Especially when I would enter the choir room.

Jim would never wanna be around--

What? - Nothing.

Yes, something. What?

I guess I'm not buying it.

Well that's why I'm working on it.

Yep. Please.

Please do, you need it.

Especially when I would enter the choir room.

Jim would never wanna be around me.

Sure, we talked sometimes, but he would never wanna be--

All right. I will get those drinks for you.

Excuse me, Ma'am? Ma'am.

Is there anything that we can get really quickly?

What do you--

It's just that my oldest is absolutely starving,

so if there's anything you could bring

for her to eat right away,

that would be excellent.

Although she is pretty picky, so nothing weird.

None of that vegan crap.

Oh, also no cheese or you'll have some very strange smells.

Okay?

Thank you.

How dare you place those two things

within the context that you've just placed them in!

The context I placed them in?

What about your novel?

What about the context you placed them in?

Maybe the man placed the ring

on the wrong finger.

Well, maybe the woman

gave the man the wrong finger.

Do you ever miss it?

- Miss what? - Performing!

- Dude, it was one show. - No, you were good.

I was whatever.

You were good.

I'll stick to the occasional painting.

No, you know who was good?

That girl? - Mm.

God, I was hanging on every word.

She was so incredible.

Yeah, I didn't know if I was gonna like this one,

period piece and all that,

but she really made everything come together.

You know what it was?

It wasn't her delivery that did it. It was her eyes.

Ah yes. Her eyes.

No, I'm serious.

That's where all her emotion came from.

Sounds a little lame when you say it out loud.

But you're right, it was in her eyes.

It was totally her eyes, wasn't it?

I wanna do that.

Well, you're close,

if you consider 14 rows back being close.

It's closer than the mezzanine.

Yeah, but it's not on the stage, is it?

I perform on stage.

Not that one.

You know that actress is two years younger than you?

It would've been nice to be there two years ago.

I guess it's really no surprise though, is it,

why she's there and you're here?

What does that even mean?

I'm just saying, if you spend more time going to plays,

well then you can't really have any time to be in one.

Can you?

Zoe?

What?

You good?

Yeah.

Damn.

Really? Would you make out with me?

Make out with you?

Where are you going, an eighth grade party?

All right, fine.

Would you raw dog me in the ass?

Holy shit.

Maybe I'll find a middle ground.

Uh-uh, yeah, that's probably a good idea.

Do you work tonight?

No, I'm off.

Ooh, what are you gonna do?

Mm, I have some sides I need to go over.

Well that doesn't sound like you're off.

What else am I supposed to do?

Have a great time with me.

Have fun.

Well, I tried.

Maybe I'll be back. Maybe I won't.

Ooh, use protection or don't.

Have a baby but I won't help you raise it.

Can't have a baby in the butt.

Don't you see what you've done?

All of you, you're killing me.

You practically have killed me.

This information is nothing new.

You all knew for decades.

You knew the truth and you chose to do nothing about it.

Hey.

- What up, what up? - Nothing much. I...

I'm just running some lines. How are you doing?

- Pretty good. - Yeah. How's mom and dad?

They're good.

Dad's been busy building, like, a mailbox or a bird house.

I don't know, something wooden.

But I was actually calling

because I've been spending a lot of time with Josh.

Yo.

That's all I get is "yo"?

- How did he do it? - Oh my gosh. Okay.

So he took us to our favorite park

and he had an entire picnic set up,

and it was just so simple and so perfect.

I'm so happy for you, for both of you.

Thank you. This still does not feel real.

I get that. It's big.

I know. It's so big.

I mean, congrats, again.

Seriously, I-I have to get some work done,

so I'm gonna go, but I love you

and we can talk wedding stuff later?

Okay. Yes, definitely.

I love you so much.

- Bye. - Bye.

Don't you see what you've done?

All of you, you're killing me.

You practically have killed me.

This information is nothing new.

You all knew for decades.

You knew the truth and you chose to do nothing about it.

This script is ass.

I didn't write it.

You chose to do nothing about it, and now here we are.

I stand before you begging you to try,

try to do something, anything.

This fucking sucks.

I told you I didn't write it.

- I'm talking about you. - Hey!

What do you want me to say? It sucks.

I'm really trying.

Really? This is you trying.

You just said the script isn't good.

You are doing nothing to elevate the material.

I didn't ask you to be here.

Well, here I am being tortured

to watch your pathetic performance of a ghost

of an almost acceptable excuse for a middle school play.

Run it again from the top.

Thanks for stopping in.

$2 on a $56 check.

$2 on a $56 check.

I get it, tipping feels wrong,

you wonder, "Aren't you just doing your job?

"Aren't you already getting paid?"

I am! $6.40 an hour, and that isn't your fault.

You didn't directly allow my employer

to legally not have to pay me a livable wage.

But that's the way it is.

And I need tips in order for serving

to be financially sustainable.

Which I realize brings up more questions.

Why are you a server? Why didn't you go to school?

Well, I did go, and I'll be paying off loans

for the next 15 years of my life,

which again, not your fault.

You were not the individuals

who corrupted these major institutions,

but you are the individuals

who kept ordering drink after drink after drink,

forcing me to spend more time with you

than with my other tables.

And we only have so many tables.

So in that sense, yes, you are the individuals

who have caused me to make less money

than I should have made today.

Hello?

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Thank you.

So it's a little out there, but it has an important message.

And I guess I'm kind of the lead.

- That's amazing, Zoe. - Thank you.

We need to celebrate.

- Oh no, we don't need to. - Yes, we do need, we do.

This is a milestone

and society dictates that we must celebrate.

It's really fine if we just stay in here.

I don't know if you know this,

but the youths of today don't just stay inside every night.

We dress mildly slutty,

we drunkenly dance to 30 songs

that all sound exactly the same,

and then we eat Taco Bell.

It's sacred.

Well, I'm not hip with the youths.

I'm old. - You are not old.

I'm deteriorating as we speak.

You're only 25.

Orson Wells produced, directed,

wrote and starred in "Citizen Kane" when he was 25.

Orson Wells produced, directed,

wrote and starred in "Citizen Kane" when he was 25.

Well you're not Orson Wells

And that's the problem.

Well, he's a dead male filmmaker

and you're none of those things.

Including successful.

Who cares?

That doesn't change the fact that going out for one night

is not going to ruin your future.

We just went out the other night, didn't we?

Which you haven't paid me back for, by the way.

But that's not the point.

I'm talking about not obsessing over your passions,

just going out and blowing off some steam,

even if it's not with me.

What happened to that girl you were seeing?

I don't know.

- Oh, you don't know. - I don't know.

She's alive, probably. - Zoe.

I just don't have time to date.

That's just not a priority for me right now.

Fine.

Leala.

It's fine. Congrats again.

You know we have work to do.

I've been working.

I already got the part. You know, maybe Leala's, right?

Leala doesn't have to be off book

by the end of the week.

It's one night. I can just hang out, I'll be fine

If you say so.

Jesus. Everybody's getting married, huh?

I know. It's crazy.

- They look happy. - Yeah.

Do you have any hobbies?

Actually, love rollerblading.

- Really? - Yeah.

I know that's kind of weird,

but I think it's a great way to stay active

and I think it's fun.

Plus, Chicago's great for it, so that's a perk.

- Nice. - Have you ever tried it?

No, I have not.

How long have you lived here?

Born and raised.

I moved away for school but had to come back.

There's just something about this place.

It seems like a lot of people feel that way.

What did you go to school for?

- Theater. - Really?

I know what you're thinking.

Why would you pay a shit ton of money

to roll around on the floor and make animal noises?

No, no, no. Definitely not.

Okay. It's true.

We got up to a lot of weird shit. And for what?

So I could not get a real job

and feel like a lazy narcissist?

Could not live with myself.

So after a few years I went back to school,

got my teaching degree, twice as much debt,

but I feel like I'm actually contributing something,

making a difference in the world,

so life finds a way I guess.

Shut up, Sam.

I'm rambling now. Sorry.

What do you do?

I work in sales.

Do you like it?

It's okay.

You wanna know the truth.

You can't have it all.

It is impossible

to have every element of your life in perfect harmony.

Work, love, family, time, sex.

You cannot have it all.

So with that in mind,

you need to focus on what's most important.

You know what that is.

You're right.

Well, then let's get back at it.

Is this just going to be an eternal struggle

between all of us?

I beg for forgiveness, and yet no one can hear me?

This could have been a tale of hope,

but instead you've written a tragedy.

It is been over a hundred years of that.

So why I stop now?

I don't see any reason.

Because you're selfish.

But you'll see just what happens if you keep--

You have to stop.

You keep making him stronger.

- Who? - Me?

Mr. Landfill.

That's right.

I had to join the party.

It just looked like too damn much fun.

Oh.

Well.

Hey there, baby blue.

How you doing? Huh?

You hanging in there? Yeah.

Look, we both knew this day was coming, right?

We just didn't know when.

Well, here I am ready to take my shot.

Ah!

Don't you see what you've done?

All of you, you're killing me.

You practically have killed me.

This information is nothing new.

You all knew for decades, you knew the truth,

and you chose to do nothing about it.

And now here we are.

I stand here before you begging you to try,

try to do something, anything before it's too...

Oh no. God, no.

Look what you've done to me. We've finally run out of--

I get it. I do.

It's not like I'm so obtuse that I don't understand it,

but that's kind of my problem.

It's just so on the nose.

Hey, I think our girl killed it out there.

I know it's not the most palatable production.

Don't get me wrong. You were great.

I'm just talking about the material.

To even be doing the arts thing, I can't even imagine.

Do you know many other people who are going for it?

I mean, I know other actors,

and I have a close friend in my hometown who makes music.

Cool.

Yeah, I just... I don't know about that play though.

It's... it's not even that I disagree with the messaging.

Like, obviously I think it's important.

But just because I agree with something

doesn't automatically make it good, you know?

And they chose to showcase it

in such a purposefully weird way.

I don't know if I can get down

with all the avant garde shit.

Well, not all experimental theater

is quite like that, you know?

So you got some pretty big news yesterday, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Um, I... I got a promotion.

- No way. That's so good. - That's great.

Yeah, thanks. Long time coming, right?

- Big man, big paycheck, huh? - Something like that.

So next round's on you, right?

They hated it.

They said I was good.

Do you really think they would tell you if it was bad?

This isn't what you want.

Not exactly, but it's something.

No, it's nothing.

It is a waste of time.

What you could be doing, what you should be doing

is doing something important, something that matters.

Something that connects with people.

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah.

♪ Are you doing enough ♪

♪ Are you trying your best ♪

♪ Is it really that tough ♪

♪ 'Cause I think the rest of the world seems to do all right ♪

♪ You wanna be flawless, you wanna be faultless ♪

♪ Thinking that you got this, you wanna be good ♪

♪ You wanna be ideal, not feel the need to conceal ♪

♪ Break out of this raw deal, well maybe you could ♪

♪ If only you made an effort ♪

♪ Am I getting through ♪

♪ Am I sounding solemn ♪

♪ You think it's only you ♪

♪ No one else has problems ♪

What a poor victim.

♪ You wanna be flawless, you wanna be faultless ♪

♪ Thinking that you got this, you wanna be good ♪

♪ You wanna be ideal, not feel the need to conceal ♪

♪ Break out of this raw deal, well maybe you could ♪

♪ If only you made an effort ♪

♪ Peculiar feelings are becoming profuse ♪

♪ Habitual inhibitions seem to tighten the noose ♪

♪ Will you overcome ♪

♪ Will you persevere ♪

♪ Or will you just shed scarlet tears ♪

♪ Are you doing enough ♪

♪ Are you trying your best ♪

♪ Is it really that tough ♪

♪ 'Cause I think the rest of the world seems to do all right ♪

♪ Yeah, I think the rest of the world seems to do all right ♪

Isn't there one thing that strikes you as strange

in our sitting here like this?

We have been married eight years now.

Does it not occur to you that this is the first time us two,

you and I, husband and wife have had a serious conversation?

In all these eight years, no, longer than that even,

from the very beginning of our acquaintance,

we have never exchanged a word on a serious subject.

And I'm not speaking about business matters.

I'm saying that we have never sat down in earnest together

to get at the bottom of anything.

You have never understood me.

You have never loved me.

You only thought it pleasant to be in love with me.

I was transferred from my father's hand to yours.

You arranged everything according to your own taste,

and so I got the same taste as you,

or at least I pretended to.

When I look back on it, it seems to me

as if I had been living here like a poor woman,

just from hand to mouth.

I have merely existed to perform tricks for you.

But you would have it so.

You and my father have committed a great sin against me.

It is your fault that I have made nothing of my life.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

It's gonna be a waste of time.

Well, my name's Charles, but you already knew that

'cause it was on the app.

Let's see. What else?

I went to Northwestern, engineering, mechanical.

I joined a pretty sweet co-op and now I'm full-time.

So that's pretty cool.

Let's see. Back to you.

Oh, I saw a play once.

God, what was it?

Dammit, oh, it's right on the tip of my tongue.

It was a play called...

So I live, like, right around the corner.

♪ Lay you down in the moonlight ♪

What?

♪ Girl, I make you feel all right ♪

Stop.

♪ Feeling unsure, I make a move ♪

♪ Make it right, I'm make it smooth ♪

♪ Circumstances seemed pretty odd ♪

♪ Girl, now I can see the light of God ♪

All right. No, no, no.

No, stop, stop. I just...

I-I'm sorry, I... I can't, sorry.

You wanna take the lead? I'll sing back up.

Bye.

Well, he seemed nice.

Waste of time.

You were right.

Keep that in mind.

Hello?

Hey. - Hey.

Can we have an uncomfy conversation?

Um... Okay, yeah.

It's about rent.

I know I've been pretty casual about it before,

but I think that needs to stop.

I'm not trying to be a dick or anything,

but I'm planning on applying for grad school soon

and that's gonna hurt.

Wait, you're applying for grad school?

Feels like it's time.

Gonna get my MSN and work towards becoming an FNP.

That's, like, a lot of letters going on there.

Yeah.

We're pretty brainy in the medical field.

Yeah, I got that impression when I held your hair back

and you missed throwing up in the toilet.

And I will always cherish that.

I'm not trying to get on you about the money.

I just need you to pay on time.

Heard.

Okay.

Now that that's over, I'm gonna go do anything else.

Fourteen.

Twenty-one.

Twenty-six.

Thirty-two.

Thirty-eight.

Forty-two.

But you would have it so.

You and my father have committed a great sin against me.

It is your fault that I have made nothing of my life.

Thank you.

All right.

What do you think? Give her a shot?

I think we should give her a shot.

Yeah, I think she's a good one.

Would you stick around, please?

Absolutely.

All right, everyone,

if you can all please line up in a row for us.

Congratulations, ladies.

You've all been selected for a callback tomorrow.

Um... Angelica here has the sides for you.

And you'll also need to set up a time slot with her.

Um, I'm really sorry about the short notice on this,

but the producers have been on our asses

to get this cast by the end of the week.

So, eh, we're trying to get the ball rolling.

So, we'll see you then.

- Thank you. - Okay.

All right, yeah. Hi.

Hi.

Let's do our one o'clock tomorrow.

Awesome. Thanks.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm scheduled to work until 4:00 tomorrow.

What's the latest spot that you have?

The last time slot is 3:00 PM.

Really?

Yes. Is that all right?

Yeah. I'll take that one.

- Okay. Thank you. - Thank you.

- Yeah, see you then. - See you.

I haven't gotten your share of the cell phone bill.

Um... Yeah, okay, um.

I should be able to send that to you next week.

Just a second, Mom.

- Are you doing okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you doing okay?

How are things there?

Maya's very excited about the wedding of course.

Other than that, things are pretty normal here.

Not too much to report.

Yeah. Just living the dream, right?

[chuckles] Right.

Hey honey, I'm sorry we didn't make it out to see your show.

Going out there, it's a lot for us.

Yeah, no, that's okay. I...

I'm actually up for this other part now

that's like a way bigger deal, so...

Really?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Well, we'll have to come see that one then.

Hang on. Let me see where your dad is.

Anthony, I've got Zoe on the phone.

I think he's busy with something, Dear.

Oh, that's okay.

I-I should probably get going anyway.

Okay. Talk to you later.

Love you. - Okay. All right.

Love you too.

Bye.

I know I took all of yesterday off,

but I really need to leave early today.

Kayla had to work a double yesterday.

Isaac and Grace are both out sick.

We're understaffed in general. I need you, Zoe.

I know. That's why I'm here.

But I'm begging you, I need to be gone by 2:30.

You'll be the first person I cut.

I appreciate it.

Remember that when that party of nine gets here.

Are you ready for your check now?

Yes, please.

- Here you go. - Okay. Thank you.

Here you go.

There you go.

I'll be right back with your change.

Oh, well, hang on a second. Change.

I got some change here. That reminds me.

Let me just lighten my load a little here.

There you go darling. - Thanks.

No.

- Go talk to him. - I can't talk to him.

Dammit, I missed it. I fucking missed it.

Stop him and make him give you a chance.

There's nothing I can do.

- You have to. - I can't

- Go over there. - I can't.

Do it or it'll all be for nothing, you piece of shit.

Excuse me.

You were the last girl, right?

Geez, kid, you missed it.

Everybody's gone home already.

I'm sorry. That's just the way it goes sometimes.

What are you doing? - Look, I know, I know.

I know I missed it.

And the reason I missed it

is because I'm working this demeaning, meaningless job

where I'm expendable and replaceable.

But I have to work there or else I'd, you know,

die of starvation or exposure or whatever the hell.

And I'm working there

so I'm able to go on auditions like this.

But it's that same job that kept me

from actually being here on time.

And I-I know you don't give a shit,

and I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty.

I'm just saying that I get it.

I know you've probably heard this same impassioned speech

from dozens of desperate girls

who are all just looking for a shred of hope.

Hope that everything they've worked on for years,

maybe their whole lives, wasn't for nothing.

And, and maybe I'm just another one of those girls,

but I know for sure that I would hate myself

if I just let you walk out of here without saying something.

So please just give me a chance

and you can be the one to decide

whether or not I'm just another one of those girls.

What's with the skates?

I thought it'd be the fastest way to get here.

We're having a chemistry read on Friday.

Two girls I like from today

are performing for us with the other lead.

You can be the third. 9:00 AM, here.

Oh my God. Thank you, thank you.

Thank you. - See you then.

Now would you get the fuck out of my way?

Yeah. Sorry.

It's time to work on the scene for tomorrow.

I literally just got home from work.

This is actual work.

You slacked off enough yesterday.

No, I did a bunch of read throughs last night.

And I still would like to start with that tonight.

I wanna ease into it

and then I'll try to go totally off script, okay?

Okay, fine. Just a read through.

On your time.

What are you doing here

Again.

What are you doing here

Again.

What are you doing here?

Have you ever been surprised?

Have you ever seen someone you didn't expect to see?

Have you ever asked a question like I'm doing right now?

Can we just move on and come back to it?

So you can ask a question.

The first words out of your mouth are the most important.

You botch that up,

you might as well go right back out the door.

Again.

What are you doing here?

What? You didn't expect to ever see me again?

I'm not doing this. We've been through enough.

No.

What was wrong with that?

Consider the history.

You two have deep history

that you have very specific feelings about.

I need to feel that history. Again.

I'm not doing this. We've been through enough.

No.

Are you serious?

No, that's not it. That's not it.

Um...

Consider this.

There's already a version of this fight

that you've had where you were irritated,

but now you're drained, you don't have the energy.

You are too tired to do this again.

I'm not doing this. We've been through enough.

Not enough for me.

And frankly, I can't understand

how you could just forget everything I did

when I'm the reason you matter.

- You're the reason? - That's right.

Before me, you were a coward with a whiff of ambi--

What are you doing?

- What are you talking about? - What are you doing?

Waiting for you to finish your line?

No shit. Have you ever tried acting?

I thought we were just reading through it.

That doesn't mean you can't listen.

They are not going to hand this to you.

You cannot be lazy tomorrow.

Cut the amateur crap.

Get your head out of the script.

Listen. React.

Before me, you were a coward with a whiff of ambition.

It's because of everything I did for you

that you have purpose, that you matter.

I did that for you.

- You did it for yourself-- - Stop, stop.

It is not prom night yet, you little slut.

What the hell does that mean?

You're giving it up too early.

Have some quiet composure,

otherwise it just turns into a screaming match.

And that's not interesting.

Let the rage boil up inside you.

Before me, you were a coward with a whiff of ambition.

It's because of everything I did for you

that you have a purpose, that you matter.

I did that for you.

You did it for yourself. You're psychotic.

You'll see.

Maybe not today,

but one morning you'll wake up and realize

you are not performing at the level that you used to.

You're gonna realize how lucky you are

that I focused on you...

That I made you.

You didn't make me anything. I got to where I am--

Now you have nothing for me?

First, it's "you did," now it's [mumbles].

Come on! This is your moment.

This is where all the catharsis comes together.

This is your Tony.

- I need a minute. - You don't have one.

You have to do this tomorrow in front of people.

Do you want them to see

what a fucking disappointment you are?

Oh.

Well, that's productive.

You gonna do that tomorrow?

You're gonna cry in front of him like a little bitch?

I'm not a little bitch.

What was that, little bitch?

You're the little bitch.

What I'm seeing right now is a little bitch.

- Little bitch. Little bitch. - Little bitch.

- Little bitch. Little bitch. - Little bitch. Little bitch.

- Little-- - Bitch.

Yes!

That's what we need. Use that.

You didn't make me anything.

I got to where I am

because I worked my ass off every fucking day.

I trained until I swept through my fucking shirt.

I did that.

All you ever did was make me miserable.

You made me feel every single mistake.

And despite your constant abuse,

I still managed to find some sort of success.

It has nothing to do with you.

Since I left you, I've actually felt okay.

So no, I don't think I need you, and I never did.

Now, how did that feel?

Good.

'Cause it was real.

It was raw. That was it.

Let's run it back.

You just said that that was it.

The ending was it?

You think we're just gonna do this one time?

Come on. From the top.

Fuck!

Your safety is important.

If you observe unattended packages,

vandalism or suspicious activity,

inform CTA personnel immediately.

How the hell could I do this?

I get a genuine shot at something life-changing

and now it all comes down to whether or not

the fucking green line is gonna be on time?

Come on.

Maybe I don't even deserve this.

Fucking second time this week

I'm scrambling to a scheduled audition.

Who the hell does that?

Apparently I do.

I try to be professional for these things. I really do.

I try to look nice, use my manners,

but not come off like a robot.

Polished but not overly manufactured.

Serious and collected,

but still be friendly and give off warm vibes.

Being observed by one, three, five, however many strangers

who are judging every little micro action I do.

And then they have the power to squash my dreams

without giving it a second thought.

Or they like me,

but it does absolutely fuck all for my life.

Jesus.

I sound like I don't even wanna do this.

I do wanna do this. I need to do this.

If I'm not doing this, then what the hell am I doing?

I mean, this is the whole point of everything.

Right?

This is Ashland.

Morgan is next.

Nothing?

I'm here. Sorry.

I'm here.

Hello.

Yes, this is--

Oh.

Yeah, no.

Of course.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

Depression's a hard thing to explain.

It's not really sadness.

If it were that, then it would be easy to describe.

Everyone feels sad sometimes.

But this... This is noticeably different.

It's an emptiness, apathy.

An incapability of feeling desire.

And you're aware that it's happening.

Like, you know this isn't right

and not how you're supposed to feel.

But also you can't really remember what normal feels like.

I would just go to sleep

and hope I felt better the next day.

Best-case scenario is you're able to go through the motions

of your typical routine.

You don't make great art when you're depressed.

You don't make anything.

There's nothing beautiful about it.

No quirky charm to it. It just sucks.

There are families

that have lost their homes in wildfires,

children gunned down in their own schools,

people this very moment living in concentration camps,

and you think you've got it bad?

I didn't leave my room for three days,

and I didn't leave my apartment for another six.

It hadn't been that bad since freshman year.

But eventually things started to feel a little bit better,

so I decided to go see a show,

try to find solace in the place I usually do.

- You're up, ma'am. - What? Huh?

Oh. Um...

Can I just get a hard cider? - Sure thing.

- Enjoy. - You too.

The day is May 7th, 1901.

The time, just about dawn.

Yep, [chuckles] just about.

The sun is beginning to show these streaks of light

over in the east, over our mountain.

Well, yes, I better tell you how our town lies.

Up here's Main Street.

Way back there, that's the railway station.

Polish Town's just across the tracks.

Could I get two glasses of rose?

Enjoy.

It's been nine years, friends.

Summer, 1913.

Gradual changes here in Grover's Corners.

Horses are rarer now.

Farmers come to town in Fords.

Everyone locks their doors at night now.

Ain't been any burglars in town yet.

But everybody's heard about 'em.

You'd be surprised though,

on the whole things don't change much around here.

This here's the new part of the cemetery.

Here's your friend, Mrs. Gibbs.

Let me see.

Ah, here's Mr. Stimson and Mrs. Soames,

and a lot of others.

Now, there are some things that we all know,

but we don't take 'em out and look at 'em very often.

There's something we all know that's eternal.

Everybody knows in their bones that something is eternal.

And that something has to do with human beings.

There's something way down deep

that's eternal about every human being.

There's some living people.

That's Joe Stoddard, our undertaker.

He's overseeing a new grave.

And oh, here comes a Grover's Corner boy

who grew up and went out west.

God, you're pathetic.

What are you doing?

Do you realize this is why

your parents are disappointed in you?

You know, they say they believe in you,

say that they support you.

They don't actually mean that.

What they want you to be is more like your sister.

She's got a good job.

She makes more money in a week than you do in a month.

And she's engaged.

Your little sister is engaged.

She's gonna have a family before long.

You could never be a mother.

You could never be productive like her or your friends

who are actually making a living

doing the things they went to school for,

because they have degrees that matter.

You pissed thousands of dollars away

to be the personification of global warming.

And Leala wants you to move out.

She doesn't say it because she feels sorry for you,

because she's tired of watching you fail

over and over again.

She's tired of you not paying rent on time.

She doesn't say that because she's a good friend.

Know why you can't be a good friend?

Because you're selfish.

Because you think you're special.

Because you think

that everything is supposed to be handed to you.

You're not special.

You're not talented.

You just haven't given up yet.

But you probably should.

You don't have range.

You're not convincing.

You're a fraud.

You're not even that pretty.

This isn't gonna happen for you.

You don't have a story worth telling.

So just quit...

or kill yourself.

You dumb cunt.

Zoe?

Zoe?

Are you okay?

What's going on?

There was a time when I was eight years old,

I was sick and I thought I was going to die.

I mean, it was just a cold,

but I was all stuffed up, you know?

Like, I couldn't breathe through my nose at all,

so I had to breathe through my mouth.

And I remember that even though I felt terrible,

I stayed up late because I thought if I went to sleep

I wasn't gonna be able to keep breathing through my mouth

and I would die.

I know that's partially hilarious

because I was just some dumb kid,

but it's also really fucking sad.

I had convinced myself that if I went to sleep,

I was going to die.

I was eight.

That's what you're in here thinking about?

There are tens of thousands of people

who have the same dream that I have,

and some of them probably want it even more.

They're willing to do more than I am, work more than I am.

I mean, how the fuck am I supposed to compete

with all these people?

Because you're talented, Zoe.

No, it's bullshit.

- No, it's not. - It is. No, it is.

The reality is...

I'm not special.

Of course, you're special.

I know that you care about me.

I know that you need to tell me that I'm great

and that you believe in me,

and you're such a good friend for doing that.

And I'm a shitty friend

because I'm gonna be late on rent again.

And I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry that I'm a failure

and I racked up debt for a bullshit degree.

And three years later, I'm 25 with a fucking serving job,

and I'm not any closer to being where I wanted to be.

I needed this. I fucking needed this so badly.

I still need this, and I have no idea

how I'm supposed to get it.

So you know what?

I might as well just stop trying.

I-I failed. I fucking failed, and that's it.

I'm so scared I'm gonna wake up one morning

and not be able to do this anymore.

You will.

I know you will.

You've got a drive in you unlike anyone else I know.

I mean: any of this.

What?

I'm scared I'm gonna wake up one day

and not be able to do this anymore.

It's okay.

How's Josh, Maya?

Yeah, I thought he was coming with you tonight.

Yeah, he's good. And he was supposed to.

Sounds like you're holding out on us.

Well, I didn't wanna say anything,

but it looks like we got a house.

You got a house?

Well, we put in an offer, so it's not official yet,

but it sounds like it's ours.

Well, that's terrific.

Congratulations, Dear.

Yeah. Wow.

Well, when will you know for sure?

Tomorrow, so hopefully I haven't jinxed anything.

But I was thinking that maybe we could go this weekend

and check it out and then grab dinner and celebrate.

Of course we will.

I'm so proud of you. - Thanks, Dad.

So Zoe, you never told us about

what happened with that big part you were up for.

Yeah, I, um... I didn't get that one.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sweetie.

I know you were really excited about it.

You know, Sweetie, you don't have to keep on doing this.

- What? - Anthony?

I'm just saying. Zoe's been working hard,

and I know that's an understatement.

You've been killing yourself in Chicago

for three years at this point.

And I know you.

I can tell you've been giving it your all.

It's okay if you feel like you wanna hang it up.

You think I should stop?

I want you to be happy.

I want you both to be happy.

Have everything you need.

But you don't think I'm good enough?

You don't think I can do it.

I'm your biggest fan.

I've been to every show you've ever done growing up,

and you're very talented.

I just think at this point

you need to look at other options.

There's an opening at my office.

You'd be perfect for it.

Or, maybe there's other routes you could pursue.

All I'm saying is at this point,

I think you need to consider all your options.

That's all.

- Hi. - Howdy, stranger.

Oh, they got cowboys in Chicago now?

Come in. - Hey.

- Good to see you. - Good to see you. Missed you

Get in there.

♪ I'm the same in public not just privately ♪

♪ You can't decide on me, that's just a vibe ♪

♪ Waiting for this moment, I'm like finally ♪

♪ You can't decide on me, that's just a hey ♪

- Yeah. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Yes, it's so good. It feels so cohesive.

It's... it's amazing.

Thank you.

- Wow. - What?

- You're really doing it. - Clearly.

Hayden, you're making stuff. Good stuff.

I'm trying, Dude. Trying.

Do you ever feel like you made the wrong choice?

Of what?

What you're doing?

What else would I do?

I don't... I don't know. I just...

I see all these people getting good jobs

and buying a house and having kids,

and it's like, what the hell am I doing?

All right, first off,

no one should be having kids right now, okay?

Children are terrifying.

I mean, you really wanna push

a 12-pound alien-headed bowling ball out of your vagina,

making you just shit everywhere?

That's disgusting.

Besides, we're in our twenties, we have plenty of time.

No, like, like take The Beatles, for example.

Even by the time they broke up, you know,

after they'd made a dozen great albums,

they were still all in their twenties.

Fuck The Beatles, okay?

I'm not the fucking Beatles and I don't wanna be.

I just wanna be me. Just me.

Are you happy?

I mean, I don't think I'm any more miserable making music

than I would be doing anything else.

Yeah, no, definitely less miserable making music

because making shit is dope.

Even if you could be doing something more stable?

Look, I mean, this is what I love.

It's the end of the story.

Sure, do I wish I didn't have to grind

just to pay bills every month?

Yeah.

Do I wish more people listen to my shit? Of course.

But I found what I love

and now I'm moving toward it, you know?

I mean, even when I get so pissed,

I-I feel like I wanna quit, at the end of the day

there's just nothing I'd rather be frustrated by.

But why do you get so frustrated

if it's what you're supposed to be doing?

Because ambition is a bitch.

And you can hate doing what you love sometimes,

but you can't hate yourself for loving it.

I don't know. I just...

I feel so fucked up and I don't know what to do about it.

Yeah.

We're all made of the shit we don't want anyone else to see.

Damn.

I should... I should write that down, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You know, it's okay to feel fucked up sometimes,

but if you're feeling like that every day,

take a step back,

take a breath, shake things up a little bit.

Have you always been spouting philosophical shit?

I am a little high right now.

But you can always talk to me, Zoe.

Thanks. Back at you.

Even though you got it all figured out.

Oh.

Definitely do not have it all figured out.

But I have gotten pretty good at faking it though, huh?

Anything else on your mind?

I don't think I actually know what a 401k is.

Yeah.

Hey, you wanna get in the stu?

- Seriously? - Yeah.

Come on, let's go lay something down.

I found this letter I had to write to myself

from my freshman English class.

I got it back right before graduation,

so I've read it before,

but this time it hit a little different.

I think when you're going after something so big,

it can feel like you're shouting into this giant void,

which seems like a pointless thing to do.

But then you think, "I just need one person to hear me,"

and so you shout a little louder.

The thing is, if all you're doing is shouting your head off,

then how the hell are you going to listen to anything?

I don't know. Something finally clicked for me.

I thought I was going to dread coming back,

but I was actually excited

because I wanted to make some changes.

And things have been slowly improving.

I've been spending more time with my best friend.

She just got accepted into DePaul

and is gonna be a family nurse practitioner.

I started seeing someone.

I think that it's going pretty well.

Turns out it's a lot easier to like other people

when you like yourself.

And I've been doing some therapy,

well, like, teletherapy,

because regular therapy is expensive

and insurance is broken.

And honestly, even teletherapy is hella expensive.

And sorry, that's a whole other thing.

I wouldn't say I'm better, but I'm doing better.

Does that sound stupid?

I don't know if this gets easier,

but I know I wanna keep on trying.

Where do you think you're going?

An audition.

Why?

Why do you think?

I'm scratching my head over here?

I thought we agreed you couldn't do this.

Just saying, 'cause, you know,

we've been down this road before

and it's the same thing every single time.

Well, maybe this time it'll be different.

Maybe it won't.

Probably won't because you decided to take some time off,

so now we're rusty and you need to--

You're not me.

No matter how much you wanna be.

Of course I'm you.

If I'm not you, then who the hell am I?

I'm you. And I'm always gonna be around.

You're not. You're nothing.

I don't need you to exist. You need me.

I'm my own person with my own thoughts separate from you,

you pathetic waste of space in my head.

I'm a goddamn actor and I'm going to an audition.

I'm gonna do my best.

And I really think I could get this part.

And you know what?

If I don't get it, it's not the end of the world.

I'm only 25.

Well, that's one foot in the grave.

Fuck you.

I don't know if we're programmed to do one particular thing,

like if a baby is destined to be a chef

or a car dealer or a firefighter.

Maybe it's that my mom instilled the idea

that I could be anything I wanted to be,

which might be a fucking lie, I'm still not sure.

But maybe it doesn't matter why I want what I want.

I just know that I want it.

And I want this so badly.

I wanna keep growing and getting better and better

and hopefully, eventually thriving.

Whatever that means.

How's your financial situation,

if you don't mind me asking?

Um... It's not great, but I'm doing it.

I'm putting in the hours I need to and getting by for now.

Thank you for sharing all that with us.

There are a lot of talented people out there,

several of whom we've already seen in here.

But we need more than that.

We need someone with a story,

someone who can sell themselves,

someone that we can invest in.

Anyway, now you can proceed with your prepared monologue.

No, Mom, please. I have to say this.

I can't go outside these walls.

There's just too much pain.

I can feel everyone staring at me, staring at this.

The noise it makes, it's just so loud.

That's why I dropped out of high school.

I felt everyone's eyes staring at me.