Original subtitles

[♪ Acoustic guitar playing]

[tab clicks]

[♪ "Yahoos and Triangles" by The Refreshments playing]

♪

[♪ theme song concludes]

[♪ Guitar strumming]

- He has no idea what he's doing. - [truck back-up beeping]

- Nope. - Mm-mm, not a clue.

- [tires screeching] - He's gotta really crank that wheel.

- [truck beeping] - That's right, back up, and...

- [Bobby yelps] - [Hank Hill] You got this, Son!

Why does he have his turn signal on?

- [Dale/Bill laughing] - [Boomhauer] Oh man.

[laughing] That's really dang ol' sad, man.

- Hey, Dad, can you come here? - [engine idling]

- Sure, Bobby. - Don't help him, Hank.

He has to be his own man.

[Dale slurping, choking]

It went down the wrong pipe.

Help me, Hank!

- [♪ Gentle music playing] - [gears shifting]

- [truck beeping] - [Bill Dauterive] You got it!

- [Dale Gribble] Yeah, like that! - [Boomhauer] Yeah, man.

You just... little bit out there, she's clear, man!

[brakes squealing]

Hey, Mr. Dauterive, Mr. Gribble, Mr. Boomhauer.

What do you think?

It'd be cooler if you could drive the thing.

I just rented it. Still gettin' my truck legs.

And I got the last vendor spot

at the Dallas Sci-Fi Convention this weekend.

- The what? - It's code for,

"The Science Fiction Convention."

AKA, an excuse for twig boys

to wear anatomically incorrect alien costumes.

- How much did you spend on this thing? - A lot.

But you gotta spend money to make money.

And with Emilio runnin' the restaurant

and me mannin' the truck, we'll double our profits.

Assuming you're able to get this truck outta the alley.

Dad, maybe you could help me.

Drive the truck, manage customers?

It'll be priceless bonding,

which is great, because I can't afford to pay you.

Well, I raised you for free.

Not sure why I'd start takin' money from ya now.

- Thank you, Dad! - Yeah, if you happen across

any of that sexy Japanese hentai,

maybe you could pick up a couple issues, or some DVDs?

You know there's an internet, right?

Yeah, but it only holds so much.

[♪ Twangy guitar music playing]

- What's all this, Peggy Hill? - Oh, Minh.

These are my old "Peggy's Musings" columns.

I am collecting some of my better ones

for the poetry workshop at Arlen Community College.

And by "better ones," I mean all of them.

"The difference between summer and winter is what you are wearing"?

It makes perfect sense.

Did I mention that Marina Butler is teaching the class?

The greeting card lady? She's good.

I sent one of her divorce-themed cards to Kahn.

- Heard him sobbing from across the street. - Yep.

She edits a Texas poetry magazine.

Maybe she'll publish a Peggy Hill original.

I have never been read statewide before. Can you imagine?

From the golden beaches of Corpus Christi

to the dusty plains of El Paso.

See? The poetry just flows right out of me.

Okay, Peggy Hill.

I just came over to borrow your slow cooker.

Kahn got ours in the divorce.

He's probably over at Bill's right now having soup parties.

I am so sorry things are still so bad between you and Kahn.

Maybe you can find hope from one of my musings.

"Hope is like window shopping.

It doesn't cost a thing."

Peggy Hill. You are welcome.

[♪ Electronic sci-fi music playing]

[engine rumbling]

Ooh, over there!

[truck beeping]

Not the greatest spot.

Can't even see the front entrance, but we'll make the best of it.

- [♪ Dramatic sting] - Ooh!

That's a damn good General Gorgon!

They got the back gills and everything.

So, they do this once a year, huh? Like Halloween?

[Bobby Hill] Con season is year-round, Daddy!

[in spooky voice] Nastierious the Nefarious.

[normal voice] The gruel cook from Dark Sages?

You look like Cher.

[♪ Twangy guitar music playing]

[♪ Gentle guitar music playing]

[people chattering]

Minh? What are you doing here?

I read your silly musings.

It made me think I could use a creative outlet too,

you know, for my feelings about divorce.

Besides, if a hillbilly like you can write poetry, anyone can.

People, places, and things.

- [♪ Dramatic orchestral music playing] - We all come from somewhere.

Here, now, under the same family tree.

- Humanity. - [♪ orchestral music finishes]

[class applauding]

I believe with poetry,

we are supposed to snap for applause. [Snapping fingers]

During this intensive program,

I want to help you all turn your raw linguistic clay

into a finished sculpture of marbled verse.

- [people gasping] - Mm, write that down.

Who's ready to share first?

♪

[Bobby sighs]

It's insane that absolutely no one has come by yet.

Do Zolomarians not like yakitori schnitzel?

Well, I don't know anything about the dietary patterns

of the Zulu Martians,

but I do know you're being robbed of foot traffic here.

We need to flag some folks down.

And that shouldn't be so hard

for the greatest propane salesman I know.

Well, God's gas pretty much sells itself.

Don't be modest, Dad.

Well, I guess you could say relating to the customer

is my superpower. [Chuckles]

You know, I once sold propane to a man with an earring

in his nose.

Then, this should be a breeze. Here.

- [shudders] - Come on, Dad!

I gotta get people to stuff their faces with miso-wurst,

or else I'm out 3,000 for the truck.

I'll pass out the flyers,

but I'm not wearing a graphic t-shirt, Bobby.

I'm a grown man.

Okay, fine.

That's my professional pass. It's all-access.

Well, wish me luck.

If I come back with a laser sword,

tell your mom I'd respect her wish for a divorce.

- [♪ Intense sci-fi music playing] - [people chattering]

- Oh! - Sorry ma'am, I...

[shuddering] Oh, God.

Hey, perv, my eyes are up here.

I'm so sorry, uh, ma'am, is it?

Well, anyway, uh, I hope you got four stomachs too,

because I'm representing the Robata Chane food truck.

I know, you're thinkin', "Japanese and German"?

But trust me, it's out of this world.

Ugh.

How'd she do that?

[LARPers shouting gibberish]

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

Excuse me, are they makin' this up as they go,

or is the winner predetermined,

like in professional wrestling?

Or the NFC championship?

[Dale] How would I know? I'm just a bug, Hank.

Dale?

- What gave it away? - What are you doing here?

Well, I thought about it, and what better place

for a real alien to hide in plain sight than here?

I've been collecting DNA samples.

No one suspects a thing.

[people chattering]

- What the hell? - Buzz! Buzz!

I'm just a bug. Gih!

♪

"By my hand your spirit will fly.

"You'll scream, 'Minh, but why?!'

Because [bleep] you, now die!"

- Oh. [Slow clapping] - [Peggy laughing]

Minh, Minh, Minh.

That was too dark and heavy.

I feel I will suffocate under its weight

like a soufflé whose base is flour less misery.

Who's next?

[Minh sighs]

"Higher the hair, closer to God.

Well, my truck has a lift-kit, so hallelujah!"

Peggy Hill.

- [fingers snapping] - [class murmuring]

This one is too light. I can barely feel it,

like the breath of a baby ghost.

Ah, listen to this.

"If your glass is half empty, be grateful,

because it means you took some delicious sips."

If your glass is half empty, just get a smaller glass, dumb-ass.

Wait, that's it.

The two of you working together would bring the balance

you both desperately need in your work.

I'm more of a solo act.

I'm more of a "Peggy Hill sucks" act.

No, this is perfect.

You bring the light, you bring the shadow.

Together, you will forge "shadow light."

[people chattering]

Hi, sir. I'm sorry to bother you,

but you're the first normal person I've seen since...

- well, since I left my house. - Normal?

You know, not speakin' in some weird made-up language

or dressed up like they belong in a tackle box.

Yep, these guys are freaks.

[chuckles] You're tellin' me.

Uh, I was wonderin' if you could help me get to Hall F?

Sure, but you'll never get in there with that pass.

Really? My son told me

this would get me in anywhere.

You'll need a Diamond Pass to get into Hall F.

Gotdangit! I need to hand out flyers.

There's not many takers out here,

and it doesn't help that some of 'em don't have hands.

No worries, mister. I can switch your badge,

get you the proper one, and get you into Hall F in no time.

Wow. Well, that's mighty kind of ya.

No problem. Just give me one sec.

[♪ Suspicious music playing]

[under breath] Asshole.

What is...?

Hey, come back here!

- Pass? - That damn squid mall cop stole it!

- [Hank groans] - [Dale grunts]

- [event staff] Let's go. - So, they can probe me,

but I can't probe them? Ow!

[♪ Twangy guitar music playing]

[♪ Upbeat guitar music playing]

Giving birth is easier than writing poetry with you.

Believe me, this is not the way I wanted this class to go either.

And giving birth was easy for me.

Bobby was wide, but flat.

What would we even write about?

I often let life inspire me.

Let's see. Window... Window...

"If eyes are the window to the soul,

then windows are the eyes of the home."

And sometimes, you've just gotta shut the blinds.

- [chuckles] - [both] Write that down!

The guys with the yellow armbands

are Zolomarian Imperial Officers,

not security guards.

Nobody past puberty should know that, Bobby.

Dad, that pass was $300.

Three hundred dollars?!

And yet no one here could afford deodorant.

I can't keep losin' money like this.

I'm certainly not making any.

I'm gonna get your pass back.

Just leave the talkin' to me.

[in silly alien voice] I speak their language.

[sighs] The boy ain't right.

♪

"With enough time, even a sour grape becomes wine."

"But first, it must be trampled on by the bare feet of despair."

- [both] "Bottoms up." - [class applauding]

- [classmate 1] Wonderful! - [classmate 2] Bravo!

Ladies, I've done it again.

This blending of light and dark

is what people in the ancient Orient

called the Yin and the Yang.

The good news is, you like my writing.

Our writing, Peggy Hill.

Ah! Conflict!

It's the spark that sets the poetic mind ablaze.

[whispering] I see potential here, ladies. Keep it up.

My poetry magazine,

[speaks loudly] Whispers!,

[whispering] can always use fresh voices.

You hear that, Minh? Thanks to me,

you're close to getting published too.

Looks like two people need to start practicing their book jacket poses.

[gasps] Dibs on this.

Your work is... is so dark, so alluring.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Hurry up and ask for my number.

- [♪ Warbling theremin music playing] - [people chattering]

Excuse me.

Our Pro Pass was stolen

by a Zolomarian Imperial Guard cosplayer,

and we'd really like to get it back.

A Zolomarian stealing?

That's against the Zoloclax Decree of 3837.

It's against the law here in America.

[quietly] Like I said, leave... this... to... me!

[normal] Which is why we have to find that gorram thief

and get our Pro Pass back!

Fine, I'll escort you to find these knuckslags myself.

My man! Thank you so, so much!

See? I speak the language.

All you did was change cuss words to something dumber.

♪

[giggles] He said, "When do you want to?"

And then, he sent the rocket emoji for "take-off!"

[laughing] I forgot men can be so funny!

[fake laughing] That's enough of that.

So, what do you have for something like this?

"Dirty dishes, a sign of a happy meal."

Is Capital Shrimp and Steak a good place for a first date?

I have not been on a first date in 30 years.

It'll be nice to date a man who's not broke like Kahn.

Right, Kahn's broke and cheap. Channel that.

"Life with my sweetheart on the Texas prairie."

"His eyes, like bluebonnets.

- "His smile, like sunshine." - Come on, Minh.

Do not lose your inner bitch!

You said to be inspired by life, and I am.

- [phone buzzing] - It's him!

I'm going to take this at my place. You keep going, Peggy Hill.

Oh, no.

[♪ Slow guitar music playing]

[groaning]

[Peggy gasps]

[♪ Bluesy guitar music playing]

Best soup party ever.

[sing-song] ♪ Ain't no party like a Kahn soup party ♪

[sing-song] ♪ 'Cause a Kahn soup party got stock! ♪

Evening, boys.

Kahn, you enjoying Minh's crock pot?

Of course. If I have it,

that means she doesn't, which makes me happy.

Well, that is good to hear.

You're thrilled with the crock pot,

and Minh is excited about her date tonight

at Capital Shrimp and Steak... [gasps] Oop!

- [loud banging] - She what?!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - My soup!

Oh man, oh man. Come on, man. Don't do that.

A date? With who? I'll kill him!

Kahn, we've been workin' on this.

She's tryin' to make you jealous. Don't take the bait!

- [Kahn grumbling] - You did not hear it from me!

Peggy Hill.

Only you could ruin a soup party.

- [♪ Spooky sci-fi music playing] - [laser sounds blasting]

I'm sorry, gentlemen, but we might have to call it.

[people chattering]

He's right. I'll just eat the cost of the day

and try again tomorrow.

- There, that's him! - Dad, wait!

Oh, you didn't think I'd find you, did ya?

I'm gonna kick your ass.

Yeah, right!

You'll find that Zolo Martial Arts are quite effective.

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

- [phones whooshing] - [bystander] Mm!

I invoke the Peacekeeper's Honor,

which you, as a Knight of the Imperial Guard, must abide.

- It's true! - Thank you.

Look, you took that Pro Pass from my dad.

Just give it back and we'll forget the whole thing.

- I can't do that. - And why is that?

Because that man doesn't belong here.

- Thank you. - [crowd murmuring]

Do you know how many people want these passes?

They were sold out in minutes.

This one was being wasted on someone who doesn't even appreciate it.

Look, I know he doesn't quite get it...

He thinks we're all just a bunch of freaks and weirdos.

I never said that loud enough for you to hear.

Why don't you go back to your tractor convention?

First of all, that is a show, not a convention.

And second, it's in the fall.

You care about this stuff so much that you'd steal a pass?

My son needed that for his job, where he works all day

instead of dressing up in costume, spending a fortune on portraits of...

[scoffs] Is that an alien's private parts?

- [attendee] Mm... - [people gasping]

Come on, people. Look, I'm sure your families

feel the same as me about you doin' this nonsense.

I am with my family!

[kid crying]

It's Friday. Those children should be in school.

Break the cycle of abuse here.

- Dad! - What?

There's still hope for them.

- Curse on you! - [attendee 1] Screw this guy!

- [overlapping murmuring] - [attendee 2] What an ass!

[attendee 3] Stop talking, man!

Hang on, everyone.

- Shame! - [group chanting] Shame! Shame! Shame!

Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame!

Why are we being treated like the bad guys?

Dad, you insulted them. [Scoffs]

I'm never gonna be able to get customers here now.

- Not if they see you. - Bobby, we...

Just go home, Dad.

[♪ Somber guitar music playing]

[♪ Twangy guitar music playing]

[crickets chirping]

What's the matter, Minh?

Did something happen on your date?

I don't wanna talk about it!

No problem. Let's just channel it into poetry.

Kahn has become even more of a loser!

Probably 'cause he lives with Bill.

Mm-hmm, okay.

Now, how would you say "loser who lives with Bill"

as a metaphor?

"Love dies like a punch in the face.

Perhaps it never... it never..."

Good, it's coming back. Now, tap into how you felt

seeing Kahn storm into that fancy restaurant.

I never said Kahn came to the restaurant, Peggy Hill.

Oh, well, um...

Tap into how you felt the moment you realized

your friend and writing partner betrayed you.

- I can't believe you did that! - No, Minh, I need you!

You are the Minh to my Yang.

I'm going to be published!

You don't even care that the first man I've liked in years

probably won't call me back after watching my nasty fight with Kahn

that you caused!

I just needed you to access your anger a little longer.

I do not have a dark side.

I'm sorry, I am too well-adjusted.

Yeah? Well, someone who could do what you did

is way darker than I could ever be.

You tell Marina I quit!

[groaning]

[♪ Somber guitar music playing]

[pen clicks]

[birds chirping]

I'm sorry Bobby's food truck business didn't go as planned,

but now after seein' that crowd, they probably would have tried

to buy dumplings with alien money.

Who told you about the alien money?!

Oh, I don't know, Hank. They were just havin' fun,

like when we paint our faces when we go to Cowboy games.

Bill, that's ridiculous. What we do is just team spirit.

Well, you could be right, but I just don't see the difference

between puttin' on a Troy Aikman jersey

and wearin' a costume of your favorite movie character.

Well, one is... I mean, an athlete is...

We're not pretending to be... [scoffs] Dammit, Bill!

I'm sorry. I'll stop making sense now.

[♪ Twangy guitar music playing]

"If a dash of friendship shines bright like a star,

a sprinkle of treachery leaves a backstabbing scar."

Peggy Hill.

- [class murmuring] - Peggy, that was just...

- [class applauding] - [classmate 1] That's brilliant.

- [classmate 2] Really good. - [classmate 3] Love that.

Oh, stop it!

No, you were right. Keep it coming.

[class applauding]

[overlapping compliments]

- [♪ Mysterious sci-fi music playing] - [aliens speaking native language]

- [♪ Dramatic music playing] - [lasers zapping]

[alien 1 moaning]

- [alien 1 groaning] - [♪ slow music playing]

[alien 2 wailing]

[♪ Bright music playing]

[speaking native language]

[crowd cheering]

[Hank] Atta boy, Lerio Thundermoon.

First of his name.

- King of the Zolomarians. - [TV rewinding]

- [crowd cheering] - [video pauses]

[♪ Gentle guitar music playing]

Robata Chane, best...

Robata Chane truck, right down...

You want the best Japanese-German fusion on this side of the...

Oh, dammit!

Hey, Bobby. No luck, huh?

No luck? It's almost like my father

insulted every single person in my client base.

- Yeah, Son, I'm, uh... - Look who decided to show

his John Dutton-lookin' face again at Con.

I don't want any trouble.

I originally came here to help my son's business,

and ended up ruining his opportunity.

So, per "The Code," I'd like to present a peace offering.

What do you know of "The Code"?

[♪ Suspenseful music playing]

[group gasping]

[Bobby gasps] Lerio's Sacred Battle Axe?

- Dad, this is insane! - Where did you get that?

I made it in my garage.

That's 100% Hank Hill craftsmanship.

- May I? - Of course.

You'll notice weathering on the handle there.

Blaster burns from the "Battle of Flyon Fifteen."

You even got the Zolomarian hieroglyphs!

Actually, those are the Pavronian hieroglyphics,

the ancestors of the Zolomarians.

- [group] Ooh! - Yep, that's right.

My dad made that!

- [attendee 1] Wow. He knows his stuff. - [attendee 2] Just like it!

Now, you can all come take pictures with the Sacred Battle Axe

over in front of the Robata Chane food truck.

Discount for anyone who posts the pics and tags Robata Chane.

[attendee 3] Ooh, gimme a stack of those.

- [crowd murmuring] - [attendee 4] I'll pass 'em out.

[♪ Gentle guitar music playing]

I believe I have something else of yours.

One of us! One of us!

[group chanting] One of us! One of us!

I get the sentiment, but, uh,

I'm gonna have to ask you all to cut that out.

- [people chattering] - [phone camera clicking]

Order for Brandon, Jessica,

and, uh, "David Tennant's eyebrows"?

Oh, damn, that is, uh, really good!

- How's it goin' out there, Dad? - Great!

- Ah! - [camera clicking]

Say, uh, I just heard the first of the prequel trilogy is comin' out soon.

There's a midnight showing where we can get in before anyone else.

Sounds great, Dad.

[chuckles] Nerd.

[♪ Twangy guitar music playing]

[knocking]

What do you want, Peggy Hill?

We got published in Whispers!

You were my inspiration.

I tapped into a side of me I did not know was there,

and I am a better writer because of it.

And?

Isn't there something else you want to give me?

Something else?

Okay, yes, Minh... [inhales deeply]

I owe you an apology.

I should not have meddled in your life just to get published

in what is frankly a strangely formatted magazine.

And I am sorry.

You can keep that apology.

I want my half of the payment for the poem!

Oh! [Laughing] Well, of course.

It was $20, so I owe you 10.

Half of that $10 is mine!

[♪ Bluegrass version of "Yahoos and Triangles" playing]

- ♪ Yee-haw! ♪ - ♪ Wa-hoo! ♪

[♪ Song ends]

[birds chirping]

- [golf club thumps] - [crowd cheering]

♪

[Dale] So, they can probe me, but I can't probe them?!

[♪ Fanfare playing]