Original subtitles

Ok. Got it, got it

excuse me, we're lost

is there an elevator around here?

You're a good man, thank you

no problem

sir, are you alright?

Don't worry about me

It's fine, I'm ok, leave me

ok, cut it out, quickly!

You always say it's not ok, now it's really not ok

no, no, no, yes, yes, yes

You always do everything wrong

Come on! Quick, quick!

Whoa!

Hurry up!

I'm ouyang bonsai, newly-trained assassin

assassins kill people, that's how it is -

I kill bad guys, I make a bit of money

so, for me, being an assassin

is a total dream job!

Tomorrow, I'll take you to meet the others

you should pick a name

master is just like me

we're not the most talented, but we're set on making it

we're not brave, our hands shake when we shoot

not to mention knives

the only thing master could kill with a knife is a fish

we rely on other skills to kill people

for example...

Human nature

I'm a regular!

Sorry, it's the rules

he's new

I hear the prince has returned

he has

don't know if you met him when he was young

he left for the us aged 5 or 6

now's he back in Taiwan,

he's just like an abc

Hello, how are you?

Hi uncle - long time no see

hello, hello

long time no see! I'm Jeff, remember me?

Come in, sit down

he speaks taiwanese

his mandarin's bad

but if you speak english, it'll be fine

we all call him "stern Buddha"

I made a powerpoint

take a look, tell me what you think

tinbinland

betel nut experts!

Automatic production, like a computer assembly line

the prettiest salesgirls stamped on the wrappers

soon every computer nerd will be chewing betel nuts

first commercialise, then go public

we need three investors but never fear

with the lowest pe ratio, double your money

money money get rich quick

look out for your brothers, everybody wins

the bigger the better, together we are tinbinland!

Look out for your brothers, everybody wins

the bigger the better, together we are tinbinland!

Cool or what?

Yeah, yeah. Definitely need to go international.

International

our new logo

green energy, green peace

green energy, green peace

and easy on the eyes

this logo's pretty good!

It looks like a transformer. Awesome

times are changing, we need to expand

jinmen liquor went global, tinbinland can damn well go global

internationalize, get an ipo, hit the markets

sell betel nuts all over the world. Cool or what?

Right on, uncle

what can I do for you?

Ok, it's like this

tricky here's about to retire

so, today he's brought his apprentice

to come and get to know us a bit

say hello, stop playing with that

he's young, I apologize

big brother Jeff

Ah!

How about it? Want a go?

You're ouyang?

Ouyang what?

Ouyang...

Bonsai

I love pot plants

so I took ouyang bonsai as my assassin name

why ouyang, you say?

It's double syllable, I think it's pretty cool

how about it, did he scare you?

Jeff's a great kid

just like his dad

if he's so great, why doesn't he do it himself?

I'm a great cook, you think I shouldn't ever eat out?

The thing his dad hated most was lying

if someone lied to him, he'd come to me

send me to get revenge

we'd call it "playing them at their own game”

this is known as "Facebook"

face. Fuck.

Very funny

I'm the best in the business

my cases

are always "accidents"

you'll see them in the paper the next day

no hassle

so are you in, or not?

If not, I'll retire later

I'm in, of course I'm in

sure?

Sure

remember, you have seven days

miss the deadline, it'll go to someone else

I know -and then there'll be two "accidents"

what does that mean?

The other will be you

pig

facefuck

drink! Drink! Drink!

Down it! Down it!

The target's name was like something from a soap opera -

he was called zhang mingxian

gross!

Mingxian only had one hand, was 22 years old, an honest kind of guy

his worst crime was probably skipping out on a parking ticket

seemed like a no-trouble kind of lardass

welcome back, this way please

sha-sha, mingxian's here

sir mingxian, you're here!

Here, sweet soup

what's going on, you going to war?

Don't worry about it

I know what I'm doing

you're dealing with an average Joe

not Jackie chan

didn't I tell you?

The simpler the plan, the fewer the problems

the best thing is to make the target your friend, lover, brother -

you know the most tragic way to die?

At the hands of your brother

understand?

I get it

total rookie, what do you know?

Master said to get close to the target

breathe the same air, wear the same clothes

eat the same food, shit the same shit

your farts should stink like his farts

master liked to say, everything has its price

but for me, becoming a total geek was no sweat

three days later

I was mingxian's best friend

that's yours?

You like this book, too?

Yeah

last time my friends came, let's see...

Check it out, a photo of me dressed up!

When I go to Tokyo, you should come,

it's super fun

sure, let's do it

excuse me

can I get you more drinks?

What he's having

of course, sir

thank you

mine's called, "cry, then sleep for three days." Sure you want one?

Of course!

Once we were friends, things seemed simple

I'd get him drunk

then make it look like a drink driving accident

a little fire, see him off, mission accomplished

hey!

Why you hitting me?

Why am I tied up?

What are you doing?

Help! Thief! Help!

What do you mean, thief?

Then what the hell are you doing?

Someone paid me to kill you

kill me!

Who wants to kill me?

Tell me, who wants to kill me?

Come on, who is it?

Who?

I can't say

who?

I know who it is

but I was just riding my bike

it was just a little accident, that's all

Tell me the truth

why did he cut off your hand?

That day, I bought a bike on credit

I didn't tell my girlfriend, and she got mad and left

I was upset, and I crashed into a car by the side of the road

how could I know there'd be a gangster boss inside!

It was just a little accident, that's all

I swear, really just a tiny bump!

What the hell?

Which hand do you use to jerk off?

Quick! Your right hand, yes?

Cut off his right hand!

No, I'm left-handed!

I'm left-handed, I'm left-handed!

Back off, this hand's mine

he cut off your hand, why does he want to kill you?

You really use your left hand?

What? No way, I'm really...

You lied to him. No wonder he's after you

I wasn't really lying, I use both hands

remember? Everything has its price

whether this guy was my friend or not

he was really out of luck

he crashed into the wrong guy at the wrong time

and lost a perfectly good left hand

but the price didn't stop there

because he lied

now, stern Buddha wanted his life

let me go, I beg you! Let me go!

Save me! Someone wants to kill me!

Help!

I know you're innocent

but you're unlucky

in your next life, you should ride the subway

what are you doing?

Let me go, let me go!

Let me out, let me go!

I don't want to die!

Save me, let me go!

Save me, please!

Save me, mommy...

I was just riding my bike

it was just a little accident

unlucky, really super unlucky

are some people just born unlucky?

Human life is cheap, the gods don't care

miss the deadline, it'll go to someone else

and then there'll be two cases

the other will be you

pig

Save me...

Mingxian was tough. He flipped his car and survived

killing him again seemed wrong

I had no choice. I had to help him think of a way out

some people like jigsaws, some people like making patchworks -

uncle quan used to work in no.1 funeral parlor

piecing together corpses

it was said that, no matter how wrecked the body

he could put it together again in under three hours

ouch!

Hey, uncle quan!

Your anesthetic sucks!

Sorry, it's a knock-off brand

calm down, calm down

yes, he was master's brother

every month, there were around 17 unidentified corpses from all over Taiwan

mostly old people, two men to every woman

supply was good

then he got in with some criminals

hid his identity, and became a gangster doctor

as far as I was concerned, his business was fine

I asked him to make me a fake corpse

I know - clever, right?

Sorry, mister

roadworks ahead, no entry!

Mister...

You idiot, it's me

so this is me, but...

I'm not that tall!

Shut it, stop fussing

does he have one hand or two hands?

That's absolutely...

Shut up and follow us

his skin is whiter than mine!

Everything comes with a price

zhang mingxian no longer exists

remember! At least you're alive

This was my first wrong move

I'd messed up

I wasn't even man enough to kill mingxian

master had taught me to get close, then acquainted with

but I'd failed at the critical juncture. I was chicken shit

This time, I forgive you. Next time, we'll see

You sleep too deeply

if I'd come to kill you, you'd be dead

the three rules of an assassin. Go!

1. Do not fall in love with the target, or accomplices

2. No matter what the situation

do not reveal the identity of accomplices

unless they are trying to kill me

I must not endanger my accomplices

3. Be on guard, even when not working -

eating, sleeping, eating cake

always be on guard

Have a drink

if I'd poisoned that, you'd be dead!

You've been poisoning me for years

and I'm still alive

how are things, sorted?

Oki

how you feeling?

Strange

confused

a bit sick

the first time's always that way

hey, xiao liu, it's done

next time, deal with my apprentice directly

Drink driving!

Just as good as your master

here's the next case

Just a fake corpse wasn't enough. I had to get mingxian a fake ID

I went to my junior sister apprentice for help

here you go, your documents are all in order...

She said she couldn't, because she was on holiday in Bali

bullshit! Who was she kidding?

I was tricky's apprentice, after all

sir, please fill out...

Your license plate number

sis, this is really important

who are you calling sis?

That old geezer gave up on me long ago

I need you

help me out

it's just a fake ID

I want to help

but our system's really hard to hack into from the outside, ok?

But don't you work on the inside?

Hack into the system when you clock off work

please! That's illegal!

What, and using a fake ip to launch a trojan horse probe is legal?

It won't work once I've clocked off

why won't it?

Outside of work I'm not just anybody, I'm myself...

And hackers have a kind of code

this is the first I've heard of such a thing

you want stuff for zhang mingxian

the whole ID set, from birth on -

driving license, insurance card, the whole lot

come on, this is excessively difficult!

"Excessively difficult!" -

look how your language is improving!

You're too kind

what did you say?

It's taiwanese, didn't you understand?

Too bad

so it's excessively difficult

but don't you like that -

the feeling other people can't do it, but you can?

I followed a girl and took photos

she was wu xiaoli. She liked playing with dogs

she slept during the day

and worked in a nightclub at night

hi Amy

xiao li, how's it going?

Thank you

time for work, keep going!

I don't know who she pissed off

but nightclub girls all have it pretty rough

drink, drink, drink

down it, xiao li, down it!

Sir, cut it out

mind your own business

this is out of line, quit it

what are you saying?

You're pushing

what's it to you?

This is between me and her

are you stupid?

What was that? - Don't make a scene

fuck you! What kind of waiter is this?

Chill out, calm down

come on, calm down

see who she is

Are you ok?

You're alright?

I'm ok

let's clean you up

Don't you chew when you eat?

Sorry

don't worry

Hey

thanks

you're new? I haven't seen you before

yeah, just started. New blood

it's crazy in there, there's no time for introductions. I'm xiao li

I'm ouyang

hi - hi

Does it hurt?

It's ok...

You don't have to try to be brave

hungry?

I just threw up, remember?

But eating cake at midnight's kind of weird

says who?

You're the weird one

Want some?

Give it back!

Why, keeping secrets?

No secrets

then let me look

no way

that was a weird reaction

I tricked you, I'm no good at small talk

you do rubik's cube, too?

Isn't it for kids?

Why?

Time starts now!

1,2, 3

not so loud

456

too fast!

9, 10

11,12, 13, 14, 15, 16

done

that last customer was an idiot

are you in pain?

No

Want to get some medicine?

No

Oh

There are a lot of guys like that in the club

really?

Want to practice self-defense?

Why is that funny?

It's not. Self defense

I'm serious. I'm protecting you

I know. Self defense, I will practice -

when I have time

xiao li was popular and cute

but she'd run into a bad guy

how could I kill such an unlucky person?

What's up?

Nothing

bad mood?

Worried?

Hungry?

You can't be

we've only known each other a day

you want to make a love announcement

what is it?

I forgot to mention

xiao li was kind of dumb, so I had to be direct

you don't want to say?

I'm an assassin

That's cute!

And I'm an...

Empress!

According to my orders, I should kill you within a week

really? So fast!

Who's paying you to kill me?

Why does everybody ask that?

So should I start running?

Once an assassin has an order, there's no going back

if I let you go, they'll hire another assassin to kill you

the next assassin will be stronger than me,

and he'll kill me, too

so...

So we have an important matter to discuss

how I want to be killed?

I can make it a quick death

you like role play, hey?

You're such a geek!

You're so weird, you like pot plants -

I'm more like an assassin than you...

A fake ID and a fake corpse -

I need another set

are any of your guy fans obsessed with money and scared of dying?

How many do you want?

I can choose?

One's fine. Insurance salesman would be best

you have requests for the appearance?

Not too ugly

This doctor's amazing

he even fixed that guy who got shot in the mouth

he's great, don't stress. Just wait

I've been waiting so long!

Careful work takes time

stop fussing

it's such a long wait!

Doctor, how is it now?

Ceng quede was a senior insurance official

sometimes, he was a little too enthusiastic about his job

he was ok at his work, though his personality was kind of mean

he cared about money and pretty girls

but didn't care about anyone else

we exploited his weakness, and scared him -

defrauding the insurance company wouldn't be a problem

I'm a criminal investigator

no way

this is too much

you can check, I've done nothing wrong!

Wait... help me get this off

sir... sir...

Why have you locked me up like this?

That hurt!

What are you doing?

Quick, get them off!

Ok

You put on quite a show!

Nana, it's you!

This is my friend. He needs your help

a friend of Nana's is a friend of mine

anything for a friend, you know?

What can I do for you?

There's some insurance matters I need your advice on

ask away!

He wants to buy insurance

you're the policy holder?

Family history of serious illness?

Ever had a traffic accident or major surgery?

Stop! It's not me

not you?

Oh! For your family!

Boy or girl? How old? Budget?

Family history of serious illness?

Ever had a traffic accident or major surgery?

None of this! It's a dead man

who is that guy?

A good friend

I've never heard of him before!

You need to hear about all my friends?

Are we that close?

That's not what I meant

don't worry, I was joking!

We're close. Now help me out here

no, this is fraud

I can't do this kind of thing, I really can't

I found this in the emergency room, is it yours?

Yes, I just dropped it! I was looking everywhere, thanks

I didn't have the heart to kill people, so I saved them instead

as an assassin in Taiwan, the pay is low and there's no health insurance

setting up fake accidents

I could save lives and make a bit of money

Nana, you're in charge of...

Nana was in charge of hacking the database and faking ids

uncle quan prepared the corpse and the death certificate

quede would set the target up with life insurance, then we'd split the pay out

this is our first run

good luck to us all!

Yes!

Ya!

Finally, the plan was ready for action

Ouyang bonsai!

You said you'd save me, what are you doing?

There's still time, hurry!

This is your new ID and bank account

were the fireworks for me?

I loved them, they were beautiful

Gu xiaoqi

I've already opened a bank account for go xiaoqi

it contains two million dollars

it's not my money

it's wu xiaoli's life insurance

it's clean money

you should use it

you're leaving your whole life

starting all over again...

So I'm worth two million dollars?

How did you get this?

I was tailing you, and you dropped it

I picked it up for you

Remember,

you have to keep your head down

You saved my life. How can I repay you?

No need

you helped me, I helped you. That's fair

so, will we meet again?

That would be a bad idea

I'm an assassin

even to your family

you have to pretend you're dead

do you think...

I'll have a tomb?

Of course

how about

I give you the money to go kill the guy who wanted to kill me

I know you can't

you could at least tell me who he is

fine

Take this. I hope it makes you think of me

wait!

Open it when you're home

I have something for you, too

what?

You don't want it, so you're giving it to me

teach me

just mix it up however

what do you mean however?

How can I learn, you're too fast!

Weird

918205

Is it on?

A little bit left

no, no, no

right... right... I got it wrong

ok, ok, down a bit

Xiao li

did you know

you still owe me a month's rent

didn't we agree, next month we were going to Tokyo together!

I have no idea what your father gets up to

he's out doing whatever all the time!

It doesn't matter

I found two designer bags in your closet

so I helped you sell them on the Internet

why such a young picture?

All men are bastards!

There's not a single good man in this world!

You're all bastards!

Smile!

Your dad never cared about you

just let you go out by yourself, make your own money

sorry... wrong place

apologies...

A lot of customers have died recently

did you investigate?

Please, boss, of course I did!

But, I tell you

last week my mom told me to pay a visit to goddess guanyin

I've heard she's very accurate

what did she say?

She said...

I shouldn't blame other people, I'm unlucky

but she suggested

it would be better if the company changes its name

there's a clash between my name and the company name

we're an overseas company, how can we change our name?

You want to go say to the foreigners

guanyin said we should change our name?

I don't even know how to say "guanyin" in english

I think it's...

Mu... music mother?

Fuck! Fire!

I really don't want to kill you, understand?

Stop chasing me, please!

I told you not to run!

Save me! You animal! You freak!

Listen to me...

Help!

Listen to me...

You've got it wrong...

I told you not to run!

Stop chasing me!

It's because I'm young and pretty, isn't it?

You've got it wrong, listen to me!

No! I have a wife and child!

Don't kill me! Please don't!

Ok, ok

I didn't mean it, I beg you!

You're wrong

calm down!

How many times today?

Cheques

He's so heavy!

Hey, cut it out!

There's a bomb

let me out!

It's not funny

if you keep bringing in these cases, how are we meant to make a profit?

I'm telling you, go talk to guanyin

we're not changing names! It'd be better if I changed my name!

Every job has its rules

even though I hadn't killed anyone, I felt guilty

I never dared tell master

and told lies to cover up my other lies

what's up with you today? Just cut it

I feel like, I've done a few cases

and I'm tired

barely started, and you're tired?

It's because you're not doing it with enough spark!

You have to get used to it

where's this coming from?

I've realized I can't get to know too much about their stories

without stories, where's the performance?

The stories change, characters evolve!

But I know all the stories are tragedies

and so I feel responsible

turn your tragedies into comedies!

The trick is to do it faster

our biggest enemies are time and emotion

you've heard that?

Familiarity breeds fondness

ok

Finish quickly

then pack your bags, we're moving

we've been here too long

I've been thinking of moving out

Been waiting a long time for those words

you're ok?

I'm ok

I meant my hair!

It's ok

I'm not like other assassins. I'm not always on the run

living in a rooftop add-on apartment

tending my pot plants, I'm perfectly happy

in the last three years, aside from a few who didn't listen

I've saved more than twenty people

they've made me feel like my job has meaning

xiao liu

ouyang

don't say anything, I've seen the news

want to come see my prize pigeon?

Jeff still wants to expand, internationalize

he's tied up all our money in the stock market

then there's this finance guy

he has control over all the accounts

what are we supposed to live off?

Soon, we'll be starving

Taco

leave Jeff to me

he's just back in Taiwan, he doesn't get the situation

there's no point stressing about it, I tell you

once he knows the situation

he'll know that we're the main guys

don't worry! Now go

boss, I'm relying on you

we all are

Ouyang, come on

xiao liu

Xiao zhang is an imbecile

why?

Jeff's opened you an overseas bank account

now you won't need to use cash for everything

I tell you

here, way more convenient for money laundering!

Doctor foreskin

Mister

this circumcision doctor...

Was really something

his wife couldn't handle his passion

and divorced him

but this did nothing to dim his enthusiasm

not only was circumcision his area of expertise

it was also his greatest pleasure

don't be nervous, just relax

there are no extra charges

to get close to him

me and my foreskin had to...

Say goodbye

I'm not going to lie, I...

I love my foreskin

you mean, your foreskin or...

Everyone's foreskins?

Everyone's foreskins!

Wow!

2315 of them! It's taken ten years

you might ask, how do you reason with a guy like this?

He lives in his own special foreskin world

I tell you, every foreskin is unique

a foreskin's color

its shape, its length

especially its wrinkles -

they make it like a fingerprint

each foreskin is different

doctor...

You asked if people come back to thank me?

Look, thank you letters!

Let's play a little game

you want all these?

Trust me, there are still 100 million foreskins in the world

just waiting for you to cut them off

can you leave me just one row?

Hello?

Hello?

Doctor

1,2, 3

your suicide note?

I forgot it!

Doctor

Doctor foreskin

Come back!

Fuck!

Master said, every job has its mysteries

in our job, when you hit on one

you have to start thinking of a way out

go get the car

the car

Nana, put the paperwork on doctor foreskin's body

We've blown it!

I think it was an accident

it's too much of a coincidence!

Think about it, he didn't even try to brake

he didn't even stop to see who he hit

this was not an accident!

We need to be more careful

I'll go check it out

it'll be safer if we stick to meeting online

It doesn't look any different

yeah

what?

Pervert!

Xiao liu

I know, I saw the news this morning

I know everything

they're going to do a Internet manhunt for the hit-and-run driver

you're onto it?

It's fine

xiao liu, are you ok?

I'm fine

it's taco

but it's fine

but I'm warning you

you want to be careful with these things

especially in Taiwan these days

there are security cameras everywhere

look, just out there at the intersection

there's at least three of them

anyway, here's a new case for you

here

this girl is dumb

she won't mess up with anyone

but she messed up with one of Jeff's buddies

it's like she has a death wish

see what you can do

xiao liu

is this it?

Sure, what else do you need?

You're an expert now, you don't need all that other stuff

here, drink!

But that fertilizer brand's not great

you should try this new one I bought...

It's better

Did you hunt me down to tell me that?

The guy who paid to kill you before

just sent me to come kill you again

you piss a lot of people off

do you have some kind of death wish?

What? Aren't you happy?

Your life isn't mine, how can I be happy?

Of course I'm unhappy

I spend my whole life sneaking around

all because of some guy

wouldn't you be unhappy?

You could have asked me to help

how would I find you?

Carrier pigeon?

Message in a bottle?

The special friend hotline for assassins?

I was just testing

just testing

you're so naive

blindly trusting other people

I trusted you

how else could I find you? An agency?

You should thank your lucky stars

that this case was given to me.

Otherwise, you'd be dead right now. Understand?

So do you want to kill me again?

You wouldn't kill me

Didn't you say

you were the killer who never kills?

Right?

You're so naive

people change

that was three years ago

so you've changed?

Of course I've changed

how?

If someone is so reckless

that they're asking to die

I won't stop them

Fine, get on with it then! Kill me!

Sure, that's right, I should thank you

you saved my life

but did you ever wonder why I piss off gangsters?

Yes! You could piss off anyone, why them?

Fuck off!

I didn't have a single friend in three years, did you know that?

Do you get that?

Let me gol!

Calm down

I don't want to calm down, don't mess with me

Who am 1?

Don't be like this, ok?

What do you have here?

A gun

why a gun?

I thought you didn't kill people?

You're so mean

put it down

how can I protect myself without a gun?

Can you untie it?

What kind of underwear is this?

What about yours?

Your position's weird!

Don't mess it up!

What are you doing?

Ouyang bonsai

put it away!

You're my man now

tap it like this

want to learn gardening?

You need to let them catch the sun

is it damaged?

Say it again

you're my man

no, not that

I'm an assassin's woman

You're not an assassin, ok?

What?

No way

Fix it up for me

Everything has its price

maybe, I deserved this

Master

You ok?

I have a cigar, how could I not be?

Don't worry about me

ok, what do you think?

Room for improvement -

you still get it wrong

there's hair all over my face

there isn't!

Do you feel like I'm your father?

What do you mean?

Are you afraid that, when I'm gone

there'll be no one to take care of you

so you've brought your ladyfriend to meet me?

Master, you're not that sick

it's my body, I know

stop smoking

it's fine

I cough because I tricked the grim reaper!

I never really told you

why I have to retire

there was a woman...

In fact, master had already told this story 189 times.

Once, his target was a girl with

long hair, full breasts

tiny waist, a firm butt, long legs

she could sing and dance, was graceful and elegant

and a nightclub madam earning mega bucks.

Master spent five days getting to know her

and then took her to bed

they lived together for a month, and their life was very happy

what's wrong with you today?

That milk is poisoned

it is? Did you poison it?

You want to hurt me? I'll drink it all!

I can't tell you how long it'll take to kick in

you should start saying your goodbyes

because I don't have an antidote

you're not asking why?

Where are you going?

I'll save you the effort of shifting my dead body

before you go, will you paint my nails one last time?

Forgive me, but I want to take my last walk alone

Did you love me?

Goodbye, my darling

To this day, master still doesn't know

how that woman guessed he was an assassin

to save him killing another person

she took poison and killed herself

master's lingering regret

is that he didn't paint her nails that one last time

so it's easy to fool people

but you can't fool the gods

xiao qi, come here!

Push me off

quickly!

Master, that's not funny

take me inside, did you really think...

I'm not ready to die! You two, your faces...

So shocked! Hurry

let's go

ok

Push me off!

Scared me to death

quickly

What does 0221 mean?

What?

The numbers the back of the necklace

what?

Guess! You can definitely guess.

I don't know - it's easy!

I can't guess

tell me! - Guess!

Tell me

no

Say it!

Speak!

The day we met

which day?

The day I got in a fight for you, and you threw up all over me

you're being silly!

Xiao qi said, I'd saved so many people, sooner or later something would go wrong

it would be best if we both faked our deaths, and got new lds

it would solve all our problems

we would leave master a secret sign, then come back for him later

in our new lives

let's go to the world's most northern town!

You want master to die of cold?

Why not?

Ok, I get it

go now

yes, right away

go now

Is xiao liu sick?

The situation has changed

here is your latest mission

I never thought ouyang would be sent to kill me

xiao liu, it's ouyang

I can help you. I won't kill you

xiao liu works for stern Buddha

helping him start over is really risky

but if you're sure, we're in

ceng quede

the risk is way too big

I think, we should raise the stakes

then we can all take our share and put an end to...

We can all just retire, ok?

You're right

we should think big

uncle quan

I need three corpses

"Done. Get ready to go"

Uncle quan

thank you

what will you do in your new life?

I want to leave this place

don't come back

you need to settle things with master

I know, I will

take care with that

stern Buddha isn't easy to deal with

"Ok, I'll pack up."

"But you can pack your own underwear!"

"Come home soon!"

You've been working all night; Go get some rest

Boss, xiao liu's here

Jeff

this is the report from the last quarter

growth remains constant

there just need to be a few hr adjustments

Jeff

uncle, you're alive!

What the hell is ouyang playing at?

You send ouyang to kill me, and still you call me "uncle"

that's a term of respect

I'll call you uncle even when you're dead

so you never suspected

that ouyang wasn't killing people?

He uses fake ids and fake corpses

then he lets them go!

He thinks we're idiots, you know that?

He thinks I'm stupid. So killers cheat now, too

but uncle, what are you doing, turning ouyang in?

To start with, I didn't care that much

but we're family

and I don't like to sneak around

if there's something...

It's fine, make some tea

tell it to me straight

straight?

My accountant's here, he'll tell it like it is

go on then, tell me

brother liu

over the last three years, 7.7 million dollars have gone from the company account

where did all that money go?

How could so much be missing?

This is after Jeff

added a discount of 15%

and rounded off a few numbers

but it's still a huge amount

everyone knows we deal with betel nuts -

we're playing the future market

we earn money and so we spend money, that's how it works

just because now we've lost money, you come blaming me!

I didn't tell you any of this

I handled it myself, you know?

In business, you lose money, you make money -

just like investing in stocks and shares.

Everybody knows this

I know

but tinbinland has made big profits

right?

You know this, all the outside investors

are watching the market screens all day

everyone calling himself an investment guru

now it's gone down the pan, and you come to find me

you hear all this?

And now you're blaming me

7.7 million, and who pays? Me!

I'm not saying you should pay

but right now I don't have that money

if 1 did, I'd hand it over

uncle, the only thing you've got is your dick!

What the hell can you pay!

Fine, I'll cut you some slack

I know this isn't your fault

tell me where taco is, then leave Taiwan

impossible

I can't sell out on my brothers

brothers! Fuck!

Shit!

I left the country when I was a kid, I've seen all kinds of "brothers"

the Japanese yakuza fucking coldblooded money - money

the mafia - money

Korean gangsters - money

the vietnamese don't even fear death money

the taiwanese talk about loyalty, but actually:

No money, no nothing

no money, no fucking - money

Jeff

all day long your head's full...

Of money money money

here, look at this

I did this for your dad

I didn't do it for money

I know, I heard about this

my dad told me, when I was a kid

you're a good man, uncle

you stood in front of my dad, and saved his life

I'll reconsider

brother Jeff

the account is missing a lot of money, check it yourself

I've already been through it many times

there's a huge amount of debt

the fake account has greatly affected the future of the company

the deficit is too great. We cannot repay it

Go find my dad, uncle

I thought you trip

that's why you covered my dad, fuck!

Go get ouyang and tricky

Uncle

you finally came to see me

there's a lot going on at work, I've been busy

I hear business is getting bigger and bigger

yes, bigger and bigger

but some people don't listen

I have to take care of them

to know business, you have to know people

your dad was better than you at that

No wonder you were such good friends with my dad

go find him

he won't recognise me after this

Tell him I say hello

Come and see this

what?

It's taken months, but I've finally launched a trojan horse

and I discovered

stern Buddha uses every betel nut stand as a front

for selling drugs, gambling

land development and embezzlement...

He must be raking it in

I'll show you something else fun

what?

Quede asked me to marry him

you're kidding?

If he marries you, he'll have no secrets -

bank account, msn chat, emails...

I can see them all anytime

if he phones me

I can hack the service provider

and see exactly where he is

no way, you can really do that?

What were you saying?

What new names do you two want?

Right

I'll call and ask

hello... xiao li - hey

hey, xiao li

see you at the airport

xiao li... xiao li...

Ouyang! What is it? Ouyang!

Are you ok?

I should never have left you alone

you shouldn't have been here

I told them

you would meet me at the airport

aren't I clever?

You're the best

you're the best liar

Uncle quan, come quickly! Xiao li's hurt

come at once!

Just come!

We made all the arrangements for your new life

I got ready, too

thank you

I've never felt this happy before

don't cry don't take revenge

Sing for me, ok?

Ok

I love you

you'll be in my mind

forever... and ever...

I'll never... let you go...

I never killed anyone, not a single one

I never thought I was a particularly good person

but running around rescuing all those unlucky souls

came with a price. I lost the woman I loved

where was the justice in that?

Go do what you have to do

take care

I never regretted saving so many people

but now I wanted to kill people -

kill the people who killed xiao li

stern Buddha most of all

may the gods protect me

and keep master safe

Uncle quan! Master's dead!

Ouyang... ouyang, hurry!

Uncle quan!

Xiao li said, when you love someone

sometimes you have to do things for them you don't like

I don't like killing people

but now, I had to do something I didn't like

Ouyang, show yourself!

What the fuck!

Come out!

Otherwise I'll blow their brains out!

Ouyang

I'm telling you to show yourself

now

Useless

Motherfucker

ouyang!

Fuck! Still alive

think you can fuck with me?

The fucker's wearing a bulletproof vest

fuck! You think that's funny?

Fuck!

What the fuck?

Ah ho!

Give me the gun

This is for xiao li

this is for Nana

this is for quede

uncle quan

and master

now look carefully, this is for xiao li

you already counted her!

Master!

Brother!

Fuck, foiled again

me?

Ah, ouyang, are you man enough?

Keep hitting! How does it feel?

You want to kill me?

You're not brave enough

you forced me into it

forced you?

I gave you money to kill, you didn't kill

and now you want to kill me, all over a girl?

What the hell are you talking about with that old bastard?

Ouyang, you fucked me over

eat my shit!

What the hell!

Where are you going?

I'll get you!

Nana, start it

Nana, yeah - send her over and I'll choke her

ouyang, you fucking coward!

Luckily, I love Ferris wheels

come back

Fuck!

Fuck!

We blew up the shithead!

I'm ceng quede

I have not defrauded the insurance company since last year

I'm currently an event manager, and Nana's fiance

great job, Christina

sexy, very sexy

hey fatso, what the hell are you doing?

You pervert, I hope you drown!

How do you like that, hey?

In the past, there was no structure to my life. My days were aimless

luckily, Nana introduced me to ouyang

his plans for a new life were crazy

we saved a lot of people

I have another friend in Taiwan called ouyang

can I take a few pictures to show him?

Sure! We're all called ouyang in this village

that's quite something

the fireworks that night changed something inside me

Tricky really was a trickster

the number one at faking deaths

I never thought ouyang would be able to take on stern Buddha at the last minute

xiao li said not to seek revenge, and he listened to her

but... stern Buddha brought it on himself

the lower part of his body was seriously burnt

as for those beautiful girl assassins

I sighed them up to model for me

ouyang said, since we had a chance at a new life

we should take the chance to really live it

then he disappeared

we've had no news of him for a year

listen up!

This isn't just some casual thing inside a pub

this is a world class competition. There will be prizes

but I really feel, to best address this subject

we need four beautiful ladies!

We'll have a nationwide contest!

Keep going, keep going

so, I want to present to you...

A nationwide tour, how about it?

Yes

next, we'll add a few things to bring out the flavor

look, what's this?

Celery

good. Now, let's see the rest

this is my special recipe -

look, what's this?

Jinmen liquor

pour it over the whole chicken

it's a western dish, with Chinese characteristics

so...

Smells good!

You think?

You have so many students

you must be too busy to do all this yourself!

I have a proposal

how about I be your manager?

Nana will vouch for me, I'm really good!

Great

come here, we're placing bets

on what?

Who's going to win?

Nana got us all new identities

we agreed that, in ten years time

we'd see who'd made the best life for themselves

you don't know our new identities

But don't worry

we're all alive and well

How can two such lovers ever say goodbye?

You know than me yet still I have to speak

as more than one person can testify

loving too deeply drives one crazy

I betrayed myself

to fulfill your hopes

for that last moment of tenderness

so soft, so gentle

from now on nothing matters

only that you're happy

Only that you're happy