Original subtitles

-Previously on This Is Us... -REBECCA: I'm not gonna

do that trial, Randall.

And I really don't want to hear

what either of you has to say about it

because I have made the decision for myself.

RANDALL: This could've saved her life.

Don't you ever wonder what it would've been like

if Dad hadn't died?

No. I don't, Randall. Do you?

Dad, if you go back in that house, so help me, God,

I'll go through that front door and get you myself!

(Rebecca exclaims)

(siren wailing)

Every single day.

(siren wailing in distance)

(mouthing)

RANDALL: I haven't been able to stop thinking about it

since I asked my brother,

what my life would be like if my dad hadn't died.

What do you think would've been different?

*

It's all just...

gone?

Yeah.

You're lucky you weren't there.

-(footsteps approaching) -MIGUEL: All right.

Here you go.

-RANDALL: Thank you. -Waters all around.

Hey, uh, you guys need anything else?

-I can heat up some food for you to eat, or... -RANDALL: No, thank you.

-No. Thank you. -Mom, Dad.

-Guys... -Hey, Kev. Is everyone okay?

-Hi, sweetheart. God... -Are you okay? -Yeah, no, no, no, I'm fine.

Yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm okay.

-Hi, baby doll. -Hi, Mom. -JACK: Just some minor burns.

Hey, the doctor said I'm gonna be fine.

He said the smoke inhalation was minimal.

Yeah, thank God you didn't go back in the house.

Well, thank God that fireman actually got to Louie.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

-He okay? -KATE: Yeah, I think so.

Okay.

Hey, guys, listen to me.

We're all gonna be fine.

-REBECCA: Yeah. -Right? We're here, together.

That's all that matters.

This family is the only thing that matters.

So, I just got off the phone with the police.

They have officially cleared the house.

I'm gonna go over there and see what's left,

see if there's anything salvageable.

Bec.

We'll find temporary housing.

-No, no, no, babe, it's-it's... -Okay? We...

It's not about the house.

I mean, we, we could have died.

And it just... (stammers)

it-it puts things in perspective, you know?

Like what?

(sighs) Like...

Things you know you should share,

but you don't because it's hard.

And... time goes by.

And then more time goes by, and eventually you're...

(whispers): I have to tell you something.

Randall?

Hey, uh, Miguel took Kate and Kevin to go buy some essentials.

I'm looking up that info you asked about,

the fire insurance policy,

-you know... -Son, just...

What's wrong?

What happened?

(sighs)

Mom, you're really freaking me out.

REBECCA: Sweetheart.

When you were a baby...

...I met your father.

Your birth father.

My...

My-my what?

How?

He, he was hanging around outside the hospital,

and I followed him back to his apartment.

But, sweetheart, you have to understand,

he was not well, okay?

He was an addict and I, I-I got out of there

and I never said anything to anyone.

And then I tried to go back years later...

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

(cries)

This whole time, you knew who he was?

You just kept it secret from me?

-All these years. -No, no, no, no, no.

He just found out five minutes ago, okay?

(sighs)

What's his name?

What is his name?!

William... (exhales)

William Hill.

(quietly): I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-Stop, stop. -Okay, okay.

Do you know where he lives?

Um, I don't know if he still lives there, but I can,

-I can show you where he lived years ago. -No, no, no.

Just give me the address. I'll go by myself.

-JACK: No, you won't. -No. I need to do this, Dad.

I know. I know.

I'll go with you.

-(exhales) Hey, Dad? -Yeah?

This isn't-- I...

This isn't about you.

Uh, l-like, wanting to meet him. I...

Yeah, no, I know.

Yeah, it's okay.

I think this is it.

You ready?

-(quietly): Uh-huh. -Yeah.

(mutters)

Can I help you?

Are you William Hill?

Last I checked.

My name is Randall Pearson.

I think I'm your son.

Wow. Top of your class.

That's something.

RANDALL: Hey, what can I say?

-I work hard. -(chuckles)

Not trying to brag or anything.

-We're very proud of him. -Yeah.

Mm.

Well, so, uh, do you play any instruments?

RANDALL: Oh, well,

I'm not really the musical one in the family.

My sister Kate is.

She gets it from my mom. My adopted mom.

Randall.

RANDALL: Uh, speaking of,

I was wondering if you could, uh, tell me more about

-my biological mom? -WILLIAM: Oh... (exhales)

Well...

Do you know the feeling you get

when you take a sip of something hot?

That was Laurel.

She was a warm drink straight to your soul.

She stopped using when she was pregnant,

but right after you were born...

Old habits.

She didn't make it.

And me, I... I didn't know the first thing

about raising a baby on my own.

You were never not wanted.

In fact...

...I wrote these for you a long time ago.

I never thought anyone else would see it besides me.

Maybe I can go back next week?

You know, Randall, I really think you should

temper your expectations of this guy, just a little bit.

What do you mean?

He was a very nice man.

But I think, I think he might still be using.

-So? -So I'm really not too comfortable

with my son spending time with a guy who's...

-Come on, Dad. -...involved with that.

Dad, you're an addict, too.

Please.

JACK: It's been

a tough time for my family lately.

*

WILLIAM: From the, uh,

American Songbook, these are riffs that I've been...

It's been a long time since I've spoken

to a room full of people like this.

RANDALL: So I've been thinking,

I'm probably gonna stay home for college, go to Carnegie Mellon.

But you got into Howard.

I thought that was your top choice.

It was, but...

I-I thought it'd be nice to spend more time together.

Right?

Right.

That's cool.

(car door closes)

REBECCA: Hey, sweetheart, if you did forget anything,

we'll be happy to drive it over to you.

You sure you don't want me to come with you guys

and help you move in?

The car's pretty packed,

so there's only really room for two of us.

Okay.

I'm gonna go say bye to Kevin and Kate.

Okay.

Hey. He's just sorting through everything.

-Yeah. -Okay?

He'll come around.

-Oh... -Oh, oh, I-I'm sorry.

No problem.

-(laughter) -Beth, we are so thrilled to have you here tonight.

This is the first time we've had

all of our kids home from college at the same time.

BETH: Oh, thank you for having me over.

(chuckles) Oh, I-I brought, uh, a little something.

-Oh, you didn't need to do that. You don't... -It's just a little gift.

You don't need to bring us a g-- whoa! Hot sauce?

-No, no, give that here. -(laughter)

Uh, my-my dad loved hot sauce, too.

Uh, he always brought it with him

to every house we went as a gift.

But it wasn't actually a gift, he just wanted

to make sure he always had hot sauce. (laughs)

Randall told us that, um,

that he passed last year.

We were very sorry to hear that.

Yeah, I can't imagine going through

all of that stuff at your age, sweetheart.

Yeah, we really shouldn't make her

talk about it right now, Mom.

-I'm sorry. -BETH: No, it...

-No, no, no, no, it's-it's fine. -I'm sorry.

-It's fine. -JACK: Thank you.

-This is, uh, wonderful. -BETH: Yeah. (chuckles)

REBECCA: Sweetheart,

how do you like your salad? I added those

little slivered almonds in there just for you.

Don't really like almonds.

What?

Since when?

Never have.

Could you show me where the bathroom is?

It's right through the kitchen.

Can you show me?

It's good, Mom.

JACK: I like the almonds.

Was that a "rescue me" head nod

or a "I want to go sneak in a quick make-out" head nod?

That was a "quit being such

a dick to your mom" head nod.

-You need to forgive her. -Beth, you don't know what you're talking about.

-You don't know how I... -Look, I carry bottles of hot sauce

because they remind me of my dead dad.

And you get not one, but two,

living, breathing, really freaking

cool dads, okay?

Li... life is short, Randall.

It's too damn short.

(laughter, clamoring)

-So Dad hops in to grab Kevin out of the pig pen. -Uh-huh.

And he's screaming because he's decided he loves this pig...

She won best in show at the county fair.

It was a big deal when I was five.

So-so me, Kate and my mom

are outside the fence, terrified...

We were screaming.

-JACK: You remember that, crying? -Yes.

You remember that?

KATE: Yes, how can I forget?

Actually, do you want to tell this part?

You tell it better.

Um...

the, um...

the little pig started squealing and then

muddy little Kevin over here

started squealing right back.

And then Jack started squealing...

*

I remember picking Randall up from school

one day in, uh, sixth grade.

And he was studying the periodic table.

He was so excited to tell me about Marie Curie

and her husband Pierre...

who had discovered radium and polonium

together.

Kid's 11.

(laughter)

And I-I remember him saying to me,

"Dad, I want to marry someone

I can discover elements with."

Lets raise our glasses.

To Randall and Beth.

ALL: To Randall and Beth.

And that is how you got the name Tess.

Because of a ceiling fan of all things.

Pretty perfect first grandkid, huh?

No complaints here.

Mind if I join?

-(gasps) -Come on in, Grandpa.

(chuckles)

Hey, beautiful.

RANDALL: All right.

Ham's in the oven.

Everyone's arriving at 2:00.

The Pearson Christmas Feast is right on track.

Fruitcake?

Nah, stomach's a little funny.

Again?

DOCTOR: We rarely catch

stomach cancer in its earliest stages.

You are a very lucky man.

Lucky my boy here's a relentless son of a gun.

RANDALL: Hey, guys, gather round.

Let me get this picture real quick.

Everybody say, "Thanksgiving hot dogs wrapped in cheese."

ALL: Thanksgiving hot dogs wrapped in cheese!

Yeah! (laughs)

REBECCA: Okay, wait, no.

I want to get one, too.

-On my phone... -(all clamoring)

Where did I put my phone?

No, wait, hold on a sec. It was just here.

-What's wrong, hon? -Can't find my phone.

BETH: I'll help you look for it, Rebecca.

I just had it.

She misplaced her phone again.

LEIGH: I'm sorry to interrupt you,

Randall, but I suspect

that you and your father are about

to band together to save your mother?

So I'm just trying to keep track here.

In the version of your life

where your father lives,

you immediately find your birth father,

get him clean,

your parents' marriage survives,

you have the same wife and kids,

cure stomach cancer,

and you get your mother into this clinical trial?

Yeah, that's what I think would've happened.

Gotcha.

Hey, there's, um,

Scrabble and Connect Four

in the cabinet behind you.

You're in that chair for another half an hour.

We could either play games or you could be honest.

Your choice.

I don't understand.

You asked for my version.

Rose-colored or not,

that's what I gave you.

Randall, when we started working together,

you asked me to challenge you.

Now let's try this again.

This time tell me what scares you the most

about what could have happened

if your father survived that night?

*

Please say something.

What do you want me to say?

That you...

understand why I did it?

You met our son's birth father

and then you lied to me about it for 17 years.

What am I supposed to understand about that?

That I was trying to protect him.

Protect him from what?

William was sick.

He was an addict.

I was, I was worried

he would want to take Randall away from us.

Well, then we could have dealt with that

together as a family.

But you made that call on your own.

(short laugh)

You...

You were wrong, Bec.

My God, you were so wrong.

I wanted to tell you so many times.

Then why didn't you, huh?

Because I was scared.

And I-I knew that you would want to do

what you thought was right.

And I'm-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Jack.

I'm so sorry.

I can't even look at you right now.

The Rebecca that I know?

She isn't capable of something this cruel.

She is not capable of keeping our son

away from his birth father.

(door creaks)

-Oh, my God... -Stop!

Randall...

I will take care of our son.

(knocking)

(jazz playing)

Look, if it's bibles you're selling, I've got several.

William Hill?

I don't love it when people know my name

and I'm not familiar with theirs.

I'm Randall Pearson.

17 years ago, I was left at a fire station

in Bethel Park.

I'm your son.

That's impossible.

My mom says she saw you at the hospital the day that I was...

I said that's impossible!

I've never had children.

And I don't got a son.

JACK: Mr. Hill!

Hey, listen to me.

That man may not know he has a son,

but you have a father.

You hear me?

Howard has summer classes.

I think I might go early.

Okay.

RANDALL: That's why we take care

of our community, 'cause family is everything.

(applause)

Now my brother Quinton here's gonna lead us

by "setting owt" a march.

Let's clap it up for Brother Randall

for leading a great group

and being a great example.

(rhythmic clapping)

What's the motto of this group?

ALL: Lifting as we climb!

-We lift! We lift! -We climb! We climb!

-Que team! -(all bark)

Que team!

(all bark twice)

Que team!

(three barks)

Que Psi Phi!

(fraternity brothers chanting in rhythm)

* Well, it's time *

* For us to throw down *

* For my Que Psi Phi *

* Omega Psi Phi, for my Que Psi Phi *

* Que Psi Phi! *

It is the first time we have all the kids

home from college at the same time.

It's nice, isn't it, Jack?

Yeah.

Uh, Rebecca,

this Cornish hen is delicious.

Oh, thank you, Sophie.

-Yeah, Mom, really juicy. -Thank you.

KEVIN: Hey, I helped. How about

throwing some compliments my way, guys?

KATE: Oh, okay, Kevin.

You're-you're the next Iron Chef.

KEVIN: Dad, think I should

quit Lundy and, uh, go to culinary school?

You make one decent piece of chicken, and you want to

abandon your old man on the job?

(soft laughter)

So, Randall, how's school?

It's fine.

Just... just fine?

I can remember your first day of kindergarten.

You burst through those front doors,

you couldn't wait to get to the car and tell me

everything about your day, and now you've been gone

for a whole semester, and all I get is a "fine"?

Bec, please.

(clears throat)

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna catch a bus back to D.C.

JACK: What, wait, now, Randall?

Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait...

Dad, no. I thought I could do it.

I thought enough time had passed and I'd be able to come back

and things would be normal, but they're not.

And they're never going to be.

-I'm sorry. -KEVIN: Randall, don't leave, man.

Randall, please stay.

And my son, just 11 years old, he walks clear across town

just so he can get his favorite girl her favorite doughnuts.

-ALL: Aw... -It was in that moment, Kevin, that I knew you'd spend

the rest of your life going the extra mile

just to make Sophie happy.

-I'm proud of you, son. -KEVIN: Thank you.

-Hear, hear. Cheers. -(applause)

Your dad is kind of a hottie.

Uh, see, this is why I didn't want you coming with me.

(laughs) I'm just teasing.

You're a lot to unpack, RP.

Two years, and I've never once

heard you talk about these people.

RANDALL: Hey, let me show my face real quick,

then we can get out of here, all right?

Mmm.

(inhales)

KEVIN: Thank you very much for coming.

Hey, Kev.

-Hey. -Congrats, man.

-Oh, thank you. Thanks. -Really happy for you.

-Happy you came. -Yeah, man.

(sighs) Um, Dad told me Big Three had a killer quarter.

-That's great. -Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we did.

We got the city to commission two houses.

-Okay. -And, uh, yeah, we've been doing great.

-I'm trying to convince the old man to retire. -Ah.

-Good luck with that. -Probably die with a hammer in his hands.

-That's what I always say. -(laughs)

Yeah.

Uh-- Oh, hey, I read in the paper you got the Brunel,

uh, teaching award. That-That's-that's huge, man.

-Thank you very much, man. -Yeah.

No, work's been good.

My students have been good.

KEVIN: Students are g-- I can see that.

Uh, she's my T.A., man, it's nothing serious.

-Well, it's never serious with you, brother, is it? -Ah...

-KATE: Well, hey. -Look at this.

-When did you sneak in? -Yeah, oh, just a sec ago.

-Yeah? -And hi to this little lady.

-Say hi. -Not so little anymore, huh?

No. You want to go see Daddy?

-(laughs) -Here, you go see Daddy.

-That's a yes. -(Kate laughs)

-RANDALL: See you later. -Go see Daddy.

-Oh, man. Time flies. -KEVIN: Mm.

I know. Oh, wait, did Kev tell you?

-Tell me what? -About going to the cabin for Fourth of July?

We're gonna have a big blowout.

-Ah... -Ethan said he'd watch the girls, so, you know,

I thought we'd have a Big Three soiree?

No, that sounds great. Um, but with schedules and...

I don't know, let me think about it, yeah?

All right.

-Okay. -Just let him think about it.

-Kev... -What's wrong with saying I'll think about it?

Nothing. Nothing. You do it all the time.

You think about it and then you never show up. (chuckles)

-Mm-hmm. -I'm-I'm curious, like, why did you even bother coming today?

-'Cause Dad asked me to. Yeah. -Uh, Dad asked you to? Oh, well, glad you came.

-Thank you for gracing us with your presence. -KATE: Guys.

-KEVIN: Thanks, Randall. It's been wonderful. -Guys.

-I'm not talking about... -REBECCA: Hey, boys?

Whatever you're talking about can probably wait

until our guests leave.

Yeah.

Hi, Randall.

-Hey, Mom. -Hi.

You know, I was just about to leave, anyway.

I got a lecture in the morning, so...

KEVIN: Right.

(exhales)

(grunts)

*

*

(door opens)

-Ah. -(laughs)

So, lesson plans are on your nightstand.

-Mm-hmm. -And I've uploaded the fall semester grades.

-You're the best. -Mm-hmm.

-Mm. -(phone buzzing)

(sniffles)

Hey, Dad.

JACK: Hey, son. Catch you at a bad time?

No. Just got in from a run.

I don't have a lecture till noon. What's up?

Well... Thanksgiving is next week.

I was hoping you'd come home.

-Dad. -You're just-- y-you're so far away.

You should be with your family for the holiday.

Randall,

it's been a long time.

You're gonna have to forgive her at some point, son.

She's not well, Randall.

Not well? What do you mean?

A few months ago,

I started to notice things-- just little things.

She'd forget where she put her keys or her phone.

(fading): She couldn't remember the name of a movie

that we had just seen...

*

I'm done.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I mean, what exactly are we doing here?

What is the point of this exercise?

I need you to acknowledge that even if your father had lived,

that every moment in your life after that

could have gone a million different ways.

-I'm aware of that. -You're aware that you don't

control the outcomes of every situation in your life?

Yes.

In your fantasy, you were the one

who stopped your father from going back in the house.

Why are you so sure you could've stopped him?

Dad, if you go back in that house, so help me, God,

I'll go through that front door and get you myself!

(Louie barking)

Just stay there, I'll be right back!

Jack! Jack!

ADULT RANDALL: But it wasn't the fire that killed him.

It was his heart.

I could've gone to the hospital with him.

I should've been there.

(exhales)

I'm gonna try and go find a pay phone and call Kate,

-see if they've found Kevin. -Okay.

Okay.

(chuckles)

(exhales)

JACK: I can't believe

the Broncos won the...

(grunts softly)

Dad? You...

-(grunts) Something's wrong. -(monitor beeping rapidly)

Something's not right.

You said he had a widowmaker heart attack, right?

That's right.

So, even if you were there,

you might not have been able to save him.

Unless you're gonna tell me that, as a 17-year-old,

you were trained in emergency cardiac resuscitation.

I don't know, damn it, but I could've done something.

That's what I do. I fix things.

-You couldn't fix this. -Yeah, well at least I could've spent

the last 20 years knowing that I tried.

(sniffles)

LEIGH: So,

so you think that would've made a difference

in how you processed his death?

Knowing that you tried to save him?

Yes!

Why do you think that?

Because I tried with William.

And when it became clear to me that it was hurting

more than it was helping, I was okay letting him choose to stop.

Because we had tried.

Okay.

What?

-Nothing, I said okay. -Mm-mm.

Mm-mm. No, you don't think it's the same, right?

But you don't think it's the same because I knew my dad

my whole life and I knew William for less than a year,

so the bond was different.

Obviously it was easier for me to make peace with his death?

Is that what you think?

I-I think I lost two fathers.

And I think if I'd had it my way,

obviously I wouldn't have lost either one of them.

So to answer your first question, yes,

I'm fully aware that I'm just a-a cute little pawn

on the universe's big giant chess board.

I don't need an exercise

from some overpriced therapist in cheap shoes

to prove it to me.

That was uncalled for.

Sorry.

Oh, please, I live for this stuff.

It's interesting, Randall,

how you see this entirely as

an exercise about losing your father.

Your fathers. Plural fathers.

I don't follow.

Actually, this whole exercise began because of a disagreement

that you had with your brother over your mother's care.

If you think about it, your life has really been defined

by your mothers, hasn't it?

The mother you lost at birth,

who is barely a footnote in your story,

-and the mother who lied to you for 36 years. -All right, look.

William told me everything he knew about my birth mother.

It was a romance that was sweet for a time,

but it was short-lived and drug-addled.

I'll never know much about her,

I've accepted that long ago.

As for my mother Rebecca...

...yeah, she lied to me.

But I forgave her for that.

And we've moved on. I've accepted that, too.

LEIGH: Have you?

Absolutely.

It's behind us.

It's...

It's curious, though,

that in both your scenarios of how your life

would've played out if your father had lived...

the first thing that happens after you save him,

the first thing,

is your mother tells the truth about William.

Why do you think you're here in my office right now?

I know, I know,

because everybody who comes to therapy

has these deep-seated mommy issues, right?

I didn't say therapy. I said my office.

My office.

Do you know how many black men

who can choose whatever therapist they want choose me?

It's a very low number.

You were highly recommended.

Your mother and I are the same gender,

we're the same race,

I'm probably around the same age she was when your father died.

Another therapist--

a good one, not an overpriced hack like me--

might say you're looking for someone like your mother

to help you process her.

What she's done.

Her illness.

I'm not a neurologist, Randall,

and I don't know your mother's condition.

But I'm pretty sure you don't have all the time in the world

to heal from the wounds that you have from her.

So, what are you saying?

(sniffles) What is the exact advice that you're giving me?

I'm a therapist.

I don't give advice.

I offer observations and I pose questions.

Observation.

Even in the worst version of your life,

you still protect your mother,

you still redeem her in the end.

Question.

Have you ever really confronted your mother

about what she did to you?

About what she kept from you?

Hey.

It took six episodes, but it finally makes sense.

-And, baby... -Huh?

I might be leaving you for Yahya.

Ah... I thought we was gonna binge Watchmen together.

You okay?

You look exhausted.

Turns out I'm still holding on to some residual resentments

about my mom keeping William from me.

Well, hell, I could've told you that.

-How much we paying this lady? -Mm-hmm.

(laughs)

*

What was that for?

I am very proud of you.

-TOBY: Okay. -KEVIN: Okay.

-All right. -Here we go.

Uh... half of a square?

I'm gonna need more than that. That's-- that's nothing.

It's, uh... it's the train tracks from,

-uh... (stammers) it's... -(exasperated sigh)

-TOBY: How do you...? -KEVIN: What is it?!

It's Mission to Mars. Mission... Mission to Mars.

Of course, obviously, yeah, it's Mission to Mars.

-MIGUEL: It looks like an 11. -There's no mission, there's no Mars.

My turn, but you're gonna go for me, because my phone's ringing.

-Okay? Do me proud. -Okay.

I will definitely do better than Toby's impressionistic

-spaceship. -(stammers) Clearly, it's a r--

it's a rocket ship going up into...

You know what? I would kill it on Fallon, I don't care what...

Hi, sweetheart.

RANDALL: Hey, Mom.

Wow, it's late out there.

Is everything okay with Beth and the girls?

Yeah, yeah, they're fine.

Asleep.

Was just calling to talk.

Haven't really done that since New York.

Yeah.

I know. How are you?

I'm good.

I just, uh, have been thinking a lot about your decision.

Oh, Randall, come on, sweetheart,

I thought we had put that to bed.

I told you,

I have no interest in being away from the family.

Okay? I-I respect the fact that you're passionate about it,

but I really don't want to talk

about the clinical trial anymore.

RANDALL: Dr. Leigh,

everything you've said makes sense.

And I've probably known about it all for a while

but haven't been able to...

find it.

I'm grateful to you for your help today.

Mom,

I've been a good son.

And I never say stuff like that,

but I know that I have been.

After Dad died,

I stayed at home.

I took care of you.

I have been a good son.

I know you have.

You've-you've always been.

And I've let things go, Mom.

(exhales)

Things...

that were kept from me.

Things that I should have resented you for,

but I never did,

because I knew that it would be painful for you.

So I didn't.

I know.

RANDALL: I lost my father,

and I couldn't stop it.

I lost a second father,

and I couldn't fix that either.

And now my mother is sick,

and there are options.

I have never asked you for anything, Mom.

Not in my entire life.

I've never asked you for anything.

But I'm gonna ask you for something now.

Mom, you have to do this clinical trial.

And I know you don't want to,

but you have to.

(inhales sharply) 'Cause I don't want to be in a therapy session

20 years from now, playing out scenarios,

wishing that I had pushed harder,

wishing that I had done more,

'cause, maybe if I had,

you would still be alive.

I can't live with that,

even if you can.

I will come to therapy

to work this through.

I won't take it on alone.

But I will not...

relitigate what my mother did to me with William.

I won't reopen that wound for her.

I understand you think that hashing it out

will bring me some kind of peace.

Maybe you're right. I... (exhales)

I don't know.

But I've already lost three parents.

I know that losing my mother would break me.

I can't lose her.

(exhales)

I will do anything to keep that from happening.

I'll do whatever

it takes.

I've been a good son, Mom.

I've been a good son,

and I've never asked you for anything.

But I am

asking you for this now.

And I need you to say it.

You are going to St. Louis.

You are going to do this clinical trial.

*

(shuddering)

(whispers): Okay.

(shudders)

I will go to St. Louis, and I will do the trial.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH