All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S06E11

Okay, Stevie, I told you I didn't want

a jokey bachelor party.

Also, my t-shirt is missing the "with".

Oh, no, I had yours custom-made.

- Okay.
- Now,

before I tell you what I have planned...

for tonight's festivities,

I think we can all agree
that putting me in charge

of your joint bachelor party
was a big mistake, right?

- I'm sure it's gonna be great.
- Absolutely.

And the fact that you
guys wanted it to be

the "bachelor party of your dreams"

only added extra, totally
unnecessary pressure

- to the whole thing.
- 'Kay, Stevie,

- we never said that.
- Oh no, you didn't.

David sent me a seven-page
e-mail with the subject line,

"The Bachelor Party of My Dreams".

We will be happy with
whatever you've planned.

- Right, David?
- Yes.

Just depends on what she's planned.

Oh.

Oh...

David, you wanted
something chic and elegant.

I have arranged for a night
of customized appetizers

and cocktails at the Wobbly Elm.

Wow, that's bleak.

But thank you... for planning that.

- There we go.
- Mm.

- Patrick...
- Yeah.

- You just wanted one thing.
- Mm-hmm.

So before we indulge in
an elegant night of shots,

we will all experience the thrill

of Elmdale's finest and only...

Escape Room.

- Yes!
- Okay,

isn't that a Jodie Foster movie?

No, David, that is Panic Room.

An escape room is like
a, a fun group game

where you're trapped in a room

and you have to solve all
these puzzles to get out.

You lost me at fun group game.

I'm sorry, my family agreed to this?

Your family hasn't
responded to a single email,

so they will be doing
what we tell them to do.

Is there anything else on my list

that we could do this evening?

If you could come up with the money

for the Tahitian dolphin cruise,

I'd happily change plans. No?

Don't say a word.

- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --

So I leaned in and I said,
"Tippy, I'll take the job...

for a hundred grand more than Clifton,

and a diamond tennis bracelet."

What was the bracelet for?

Dramatic effect. Symbolism.

And you said Nicole
Kidman is starring in it?

Oh, it doesn't matter who's starring!

I don't think the
point is getting across.

No, no, I get it.

It's just that a lot of people
would have a really hard time

saying no to that kind of work,

especially when you
spent the last three years

talking about how badly

you wanted to get outta this place.

Oh, we're still on course.

Oh, you know what they say,

when one door closes,
the floodgates open.

You got another job?

Say hello, ladies, to
the new spokesperson

of an international airline.

Oh my gosh, Mrs. Rose!

You're gonna be in a
commercial for an airline?!

Radio, yes.

Voice-over work is every actor's dream.

- Well, I'm glad you're happy.
- Thank you!

I have to admit, Mrs. Rose,

these past few weeks,

I feel like I've been
waiting on a famous person.

Twyla,

you're not waiting on a famous person.

She's already arrived!

- 'Kay, what's going on?
- Hey, guys, come on in!

Close the door.

Johnny, this better be good.

I got a hot little BLT over at the caf�

and I don't wanna keep her waitin'.

I got some big news.

I've been, uh, reaching out
to some old business contacts

about potentially investing
in a motel franchise,

and I got a very positive response today

from Mike Morrison, my former assistant,

who's now a big venture capitalist.

- Ooh, wow!
- Okay, so what does this mean?

More, more money?

Possibly.

I'm listening.

Well, I don't wanna put the
cart before the horse here,

but I have a feeling this is a prospect

we can all get very excited about!

But what does this
mean? Do they wanna invest?

Do they like the idea?

Well, they haven't heard the idea yet.

I gave him a teaser in my last e-mail.

And, uh, we'll have to
take a meeting with him

and, you know, do a formal pitch.

Sure. Well, when's the meeting?

We don't actually have a meeting yet,

but he is calling today, so...

Johnny, I'm sorry, I was so busy

being excited like you asked,

that, um, I think I
missed something here.

Do we have an investor
or do we have a meeting?

We might.

And I want you to keep this
information to yourself.

I don't want the family finding
out and getting their hopes up.

I'm pretty sure I can
keep this one to myself.

Okay. Yeah, I don't know about me.

I mean, if the local papers
ask me about the rumor

that you might be
getting a phone call...

All right, all right,
you know what, Roland?

You can go and finish your sandwich now.

Thank you. And by the way, Johnny,

you should check to make
sure this place isn't bugged.

We wouldn't want the
big news to leak out!

It is big news...

probably.

Hi.

What, uh, um...

are those... sweatpants?

Yeah, I started getting dressed for work

and I got distracted.

What could have possibly
distracted you enough

- to do that to yourself?
- It died, David.

Okay, if you're talking
about your style,

we can bring it back to life.

Ted gave this to me.

It's like the one thing
left of our relationship

- and it's gone.
- 'Kay,

I would argue that you
still have your memories.

This weird little desert daisy thing...

- It's a succulent.
- Literally not supposed

to die, and yet it did.

Like what does that say about me?

I think that's a longer conversation.

But here's one thing
that'll make you feel good...

my bachelor party tonight.

I'm pretty sure I told
Stevie that I couldn't come,

or like I started sending
her an email saying that.

I don't know, I just...

I can't seem to do anything right now.

Mm-hmm. I never thought
I'd have to say this,

but there is only space in this family

for one unstable sibling,

and I have held that
title for a very long time,

so you are going to
have to get it together.

David, I don't have a boyfriend anymore.

I'm like trying get my
business off the ground,

but honestly, like how
many people in this town

need a publicist? Like, what am I doing?

Well, as of 7:30 tonight,

you will be thoroughly enjoying
yourself at my bachelor party.

So, why don't you take a
couple of Mom's happy pills

and we can just put this
whole situation on ice

- until tomorrow?
- No, I can't.

I have to escort a client to a meeting.

- Alexis!
- Ugh!

Are you almost ready, dear?

The airline will not be impressed

if we don't have an on-schedule
arrival at the studio.

Oh, David, is it all right
if I don't watch Panic Room

with everyone tonight?

Jo Foster once screened
it for me privately

and I would like to
keep that memory safe.

It's an escape room followed
by a really sad reception,

and everyone will be participating.

Thank you so much!

- Stevie?
- Yeah?

I got this picture of
David back from the printer.

- I hope it's big enough.
- Oh my God, this is perfect!

Are you sure we can't
move the bachelor party

to the motel here? We
can bring out some games,

and, you know, escape
from... one room to the other.

This is just a bad time to
be away from the business.

Ah... bachelor party, right?

Yeah, it's just for family.

Well, I think godfather
is part of the family,

is he not?

Roland, I need you manning the phones.

Take it easy, Johnny, okay?

Not that it's gonna happen,
but I'll come running

when Ike Morrison calls.

You mean Mike Morrison.

You're waiting on a call from him, too?

That's the only call I'm expecting.

No, you said you were waiting
on a call from "Ike" Morrison.

I don't know an Ike Morrison.

Mike Morrison was my
assistant for 3 years,

I think I know what his name is.

Well, that's what I thought!

So I was confused when
a Mike Morrison called

- after you said Ike Morrison...
- Mike Morrison called?!

- Yeah.
- Well, give me the number!

You know, maybe this is why

Roland shouldn't be in charge of phones.

Hey!

Hello? Oh, voicemail.

Uh, Mike, Mike. Hi,
it's Johnny Rose calling.

Sorry I didn't get your message.

Uh, a few technical
difficulties on our end,

but, uh, it's Johnny Rose calling.

Uh, Johnny Rose calling you back.

Uh, bye.

Oh, I don't know. H-how did that sound?

Is there an option to redo it?

Uh... no.

- Yeah, it was fine.
- Okay.

I don't think you mentioned your name.

The copy's on the stand.

We'd like for you to read
it exactly as written.

Oh wow, a prolific amount of material.

And I am being paid
for each spot, so hah!

Oh, uh, we agreed to a flat
rate with your publicist.

Well, there'll be nothing
flat about my performance.

Okay. Whenever you're ready, Moira.

Just start at the top,
and... high energy.

Con brio, Si!

"We really care... at Larry Air."

I like that, it's snappy.

- "We really care...
- Just roll right through.

Just go on to the next line, please.

"A deal so rare, it's Larry Air."

"Never flown Larry Air? Try Larry Air."

Oh, that's a touch uninspired. Alexis?

Alexis! I'd rather not use that one.

Okay, so I'm being told
just to read through them all

and then we'll figure
it out after, okay?

And higher energy.

Higher...

"Get your derriere on Larry Air... "

That's a bit chummy for an airline.

Couldn't we maybe take a
moment to rework some of these?

The client's not here.

It's my job just to get
you to say the words.

"Larry Air.

We'll take you from there... to here... "

Now that should switched,
shouldn't it? You should...

Alexis, I can't work like this!

No.

Alexis!

I'm so sorry. This is like
the first offer I could get

after that whole "Sunrise
Bay" thing went down, and I...

I thought it would
get you back out there,

but I did not know
that it would be this.

Have I made a terrible mistake, Alexis?

Is this the lowest point of my life?

Okay, look who you're talking to.

I haven't showered in like two days.

Is this the lowest point of my life?

Thought you should know that we can hear

- your entire conversation.
- Ooh... okay.

You should not have to do this,

so you start the car
and I will cover for you.

Oh, Alexis, no.

No, dear,

I could not let you do that for me.

Just hit "record".

"Try one of our in-flight meals,

if you dare... at Larry Air."

I'm sorry, this is not...
this is not good, so.

Hmm, hmm, hmm!

Okay, well, um, I would just
like to welcome everybody

to our... bachelor party.

Is anyone else not
getting a signal in here?

- I thought there were drinks.
- That's after.

Okay, how about half of
us do the escape room,

and then the other half of
us get a table at the bar?

Okay, how 'bout you shh for a sec.

Now, this will all go a lot smoother

if we just accept the fact

that this is something we
have to do, and that Patrick,

for some reason,
thinks this is gonna be...

...fun!

- Fun!
- Here he is.

Hi, hi, hi. Sorry, it took
me forever to find a spot.

- That's okay!
- Who's excited, huh?!

- Oh, hah-hah.
- Oh... huzzah.

So I guess you're all wondering uh...

- what're we doing here?
- Hmm...

But, uh, the annual
escape room challenge

has been a Brewer family
tradition for a long time,

and I thought it could be fun
to share it with my new family,

since mine couldn't be here, so.

Have they passed?

Well, I'm sure I speak
for all of us when I say

I hope we escape... very quickly.

That's the spirit, Mr. Rose.

- Yes.
- Players, are you

ready to enter the laboratory?

Oh, I think so.

Place all electronic devices

inside the scientist's lock-box

and enter at your own risk.

- Okay, here we go.
- Oh my God.

It's gonna be fun.

Charles Darwin is being held captive

by his arch-nemesis,

rival scientist, Dr. Alfred R. Wallace,

somewhere in the Galapagos Islands.

What?!

You have one hour
to escape. It's your job to...

This is a Galapagos-themed room!

I didn't plan this part.

It was just called "The Laboratory."

And I picked it 'cause
it was the easiest.

There are rumors
that Wallace's assistant

sides with Darwin and
may be willing to help

- if you get stuck.
- There's our lucky break.

Assistant, show us the exit.

Don't worry, I'm also in the Guild.

That's uh, that's not exactly
how it works, Mrs. Rose.

We do actually have to try first.

Okay. So, the numbers for the
combination on Darwin's journal

are gonna be on finches with red beaks.

"Traveling east to west,

the numbers on the beaks
will get you to the nest."

I have a compass on my phone.

Uh, when do we get our phones back?

Well, you don't actually
need a compass, Mr. Rose.

It's, uh, more like a brain teaser.

So, uh, we'll cover more ground
if we pair off into teams.

So Stevie and Mr. Rose,
uh, Alexis and, and David,

and, uh, Mrs. Rose, why
don't you help me out?

Oh, I'd love nothing more, Patrick.

Mrs. Rose, I'm sensing
you that you might be

a little bit distracted,

but unfortunately, there is a time limit

on us getting out of here.

Oh, I used to share your
philosophic optimism, dear,

but know the reality is,

we're never getting out of here.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Just found a finch.

The first number is six, people!

Okay. Okay, see this is
why I don't like mind games.

It puts you in a situation
where you're made to feel dumb,

even though you're not.

Like, some people's minds
just don't work like this.

Maybe I made a mistake?

I did tell you to wear
sensible heels today,

and I'm not sure this outfit
is entirely appropriate.

No, I mean about not
going to the Galapagos.

Like I'm having a hard time
not taking this as a sign.

Okay, we're in a strip mall
on the side of the highway.

I really wouldn't read into this.

Also, as stupid as this
is, I'm now invested.

You know, there was a
time, before we got here,

that I would've like gone
anywhere and done anything,

no questions asked.

Like, what if I'm just losing my edge?

All right, if this'll help
me escape this conversation:

yes, it would have been a mistake to go.

- Okay, go on.
- Well, what were you gonna do?

Follow another guy around the world?

Yeah, but what am I doing here?

Setting Mom up with
second-rate radio gigs

for regional airlines?

'Kay, well, I don't know,
where do you wanna be then?

- There.
- Where?

No, the finch. Second
row, in the middle.

Trust me, Stavros and I used to make out

in his parents' aviary.

Okay, we have the second number!

The second number is eight!

'Kay, I'm gonna start
looking from the top here.

Excuse me, Assistant?

Uh, any chance of
getting our phones back?

I know, I'm aware of
the no-phones situation,

but I need mine for a business...

See, I don't know what this means.

I heard a rumor you're on our side,

and I'm, I'm waiting
on an important call.

I found it!

I found it! I found the third finch.

- Okay. Okay!
- It's four, David. Four.

- 6-8-4.
- Okay!

Six...

eight...

four...

Ah-hah-hah!

Ahh! Ahhh!

- Woo!
- Yes!

'Kay. It says "natural selection."

- Ahh!
- Oh my God!

Well, good work, team! Now
who's driving me to drinks?

Outta my way! Outta my way!

Okay, there's no key in
here. There is no key in here.

That's just the first puzzle, David.

It's a series of puzzles.

- What?!
- Wait, wait, everyone!

I hear my phone ringing.

That's the phone I was talking about.

So if I could just leave
the lab for one minute...

You have 52 minutes to escape.

52 minutes!

Hey, David, everyone
heard the time, all right?

52, people!
Let's go! Come on!

Blow on them, David! You have
to blow on the circles, David!

You have to blow on the
circles until they're blue.

- I'm blowing!
- Blow harder, David!

- Oh my God, you blow on them!
You blow on the circles then!

Use this! Use this thing!

- 'Kay, this is a good idea.
- 'Kay. Oh!

- Oh my God!
- Yes!

- Oh my God!
- Yes! Ahhh! Yes!

One more! One more!

Yay!

It didn't do anything.

Oh! Oh! It's uh...

- What is that?
- It's a flashlight?

Oh yeah! Oh my God, this
game is actually fun.

See? I told you!

You're only saying that
because you got one right!

Oh, your time will come, David.

- Please just give us the key.
- The key, or our phones!

- Either way!
- No, the key!

John, what is this new-found
obsession with your device?

Dad, what's the big deal with the phone?

Just tell them, Mr. Rose.

Okay. Well, I didn't want
to get ahead of myself,

but I'm waiting on a call
from my old assistant.

And we may have a
meeting to get an investor

for the Rosebud Motel Group.

Well, John, what, what does this mean?

Well, potentially, there
could be a big influx of money

to turn Rosebud Motels into a...

- into a full franchise.
- Oh!

Well, why didn't you say
this before? Get the phone!

Oh, I don't know. we're
almost finished the game, so.

- You can use my phone, John!
- You still have your phone?!

We all have our phones!

Well, his number's in my phone

and my phone I can't get

unless I get outta this damn room!

Okay, I've used the clues

to turn the dials on the flashlight,

and it spells out England.

So, thank you, my
weekend with Tom Hardy...

England is here.

It says something.

"I'm tall when I'm young
and short when I'm old."

Candle.

How are you doing this?

What?

- Laser. Laser's pointing at...
- Okay, I got this, Patrick.

Okay, this is an ancient
Egyptian symbol for stability.

My friend Prairie got one
tattooed on her lower-back

- in seventh grade.
- Okay,

what does that mean?!

It means that we need to
find something from Egypt.

So like mummies, Rami Malek, a...

a pyramid.

What?!

- And there it is.
- Try it in the door!

Congratulations!

You have outwitted Darwin's nemesis...

Ah! Mummy and Alexis solved the puzzle!

- How did she do that?
- I dunno.

I don't know how you did that.

That was actually pretty
impressive, Alexis.

Thanks! I just like wanted
to get to the drinks.

- Uh-huh. -
Congratulations!

Professor Darwin would be very proud.

Can I just have my phone, please?

Thank you.

- Okay.
- Four voicemails!

- Yes?
- Put it on speaker!

Okay, is that the button with the arrow?

That's the button that says "speaker"!

- Speaker button!
- Ooh!

"John, call me when you can.

We need an excuse to get out
of the escape room thing."

- Okay, skip that. Skip it.
- I have something...

"Hi, just reminding
you that you can't bail

on the escape room thing,
even though all of us want... "

Yeah, I don't think we need to keep...

I actually wanna hear that one.

- I don't think so.
- "Johnny,

it's Mike Morrison,
returning your call."

- This is it!
- "Just read your proposal

and I think it's a
solid idea, my friend.

Would absolutely love to take a meeting.

Let's say 4 pm Tuesday
at the New York office?"

Oh my God!

- Did I just hear that?
- Oh, John!

Did I just... is that
what he just said?!

Oh my God!

Oh!

We got a meeting!

- Oh-ho-ho!
- Yeah!

- Why am I still holding this?
- Okay, okay.

- Thank you!
- We got a meeting!

So, for someone who is all about signs,

what do you think it
meant that you were the one

that got us out of the Galapagos?

Honestly? Like...

being in a high-pressure situation,

with time running out and a
lot of people yelling at me,

it just like... made me
feel like myself again.

Well, mission accomplished.

And you're out of your sweatpants,

so things are looking up.

I think it might be time
to let go of that succulent.

Okay, I've been thinking about that.

Do you think that maybe it died

because it outgrew its little pot?

No, I watched you slowly kill it.

Like maybe it realized that it...

missed the bigger pots
that it used to grow in...

and maybe it can't live
up to its full potential

in such a small space?

David, I'm starting to feel
that I'm a lot like the plant.

I was tracking the metaphor,

but um...

what're you saying?

I don't know. Like maybe it's time

I think about being somewhere else,

finding a bigger pot to grow in.

Oh...

Before we find ourselves ebrious

with hooch and happiness,

may I say how very proud all
of us are on this day of days.

Well, we did say no speeches, so...

- Your father...
- Guess they listened.

With his pecuniary
savvy and intrepidation

has turned what began as
a katzenjammer of a day

into one filled with faith,

hope and love.

Well, thank you, Sweetheart.

Well, I think we have
forgotten why we're here.

It is our bachelor party.

Also, whoever chose those photos,

they were not approved.

- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --