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1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:03,046
Nick, where do you even
buy sheets like this?
2
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,134
They're the thread count
of a paper towel.
3
00:00:04,178 --> 00:00:05,614
Okay, I don't
know what to do.
4
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:06,832
I thought these
sheets were good.
5
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,051
You said these
sheets were fine.
6
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,052
WINSTON:
They're fine. Relax.
7
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:10,706
He's freaking out.
8
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:12,055
You know,
Amelia's coming in town...
9
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:12,882
Which one of your depressing
10
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:13,839
ex-girlfriends is Amelia?
11
00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,276
Freshman year.
12
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,842
♪ You stopped
in my room ♪
13
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,932
♪ For no reason
14
00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:22,457
♪ I was pretty cool
to say "Come in" ♪
15
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,849
[chuckles]
16
00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,851
♪ You're sitting
on my bed ♪
17
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,071
♪ I feel like
there's vibing ♪
18
00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:30,073
♪ What do I do?
19
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,901
♪ The sexual tension
is crazy. ♪
20
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,511
I never told
her how I felt.
21
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,078
And she's here for a
couple days on work.
22
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:36,079
This is my chance.
23
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,428
I even got
a new shirt.
24
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,388
That's a cool shirt;
I like that shirt.
25
00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:41,737
Yeah, look cool, man.
26
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:44,696
You making fun of
my shirt, Schmidt?
27
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,089
Oh, my God!
28
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,873
Jess, please stop
working at the haunted house.
29
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:49,440
JESS: It's just
through the weekend.
30
00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:50,876
You all get free tickets,
you know.
31
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:51,921
Oh, no, I'm not going.
32
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,009
I don't do haunted houses.
33
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,837
What? You scared?Uh, well,
34
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,665
little kids are scared.
I just don't like it.
35
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,058
I got it. You look like
a zombie Woody Allen.
36
00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:59,233
NICK: Yeah.[imitating Woody Allen]:
These brains
37
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:00,190
are terrible.
38
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:02,105
And such-such small portions.
39
00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:03,672
[imitating Woody Allen]:
On Christmas, I like to eat
40
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:04,890
Chinese people's brains.
41
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,457
They're the only ones
that are open.
42
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:10,548
[imitating Woody Allen]:
Zombie Cristina Barcelona.
43
00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:11,941
Yeah, I have nothing
to add to this.
44
00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:14,117
I'm gonna be home
late tonight, you guys.
45
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:16,467
Uh, so don't wait up, 'cause
I'm going over to Sam's house
46
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:18,034
to mix his batter.
47
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:18,948
Oh, yeah.
48
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,906
Not in that costume.
49
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:22,865
NICK: I don't know.
The costume kind of
works for me.
50
00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:25,085
Kind of a sexy,
undead driver's ed teacher.
51
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:26,434
It's my sweet spot.
52
00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:28,131
Sam doesn't care
what I look like.
53
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,219
'Cause I'm not his girlfriend.
54
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,960
And I'm gonna
kick him to the curb
55
00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:32,918
once I've used his body
like a moisturizer sample.
56
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,659
Hey-yo!
57
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:35,965
[imitating Woody Allen]:
I couldn't afford my therapist,
58
00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,967
so I ate his brains.
59
00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:39,751
Marx brothers.
60
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:41,057
Hear, hear.
61
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,537
That's the one.Good stuff.
62
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,539
♪ Who's that girl?
63
00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:46,976
♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess.
64
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:53,939
Hi.
65
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:54,766
Hi.
66
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:55,985
How you doing?
Good.
67
00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:58,030
Oh, oh.
68
00:01:59,162 --> 00:01:59,815
Oh.
69
00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:01,164
[laughs]
70
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:03,035
Um, here's your wallet.
71
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,341
Oh, thank you.
72
00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:06,169
You must have dropped it
on our most recent trip
73
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,562
to No Pants City.
74
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:08,693
[laughs]
Just so you know,
75
00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:09,738
I didn't look in it.
76
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:10,695
'Cause I don't care
77
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,132
and I respect your privacy.
78
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,481
Then how'd you
know it was
79
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,091
my wallet?Well played, Sam Sweeny--
80
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,788
born in Boston, six-four.
81
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,355
I didn't know
you worked in the E.R.
82
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:19,617
until I got here, though.
83
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:20,923
Yeah, pediatrics.
84
00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:22,751
You're a doctor for children.
85
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,187
It's, you know,
mostly paperwork.
86
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:25,971
That why you have
so many cute cards on the wall?
87
00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:28,104
"Dear Dr. Sam..."
88
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,932
They call you Dr. Sam?
89
00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:31,151
"Thank you
for making me better.
90
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:34,197
I love you,
and so does my bunny."
91
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,590
Nice kid, but she
can't draw for crap.
92
00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,026
I mean, she just
traced Bugs Bunny.
93
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,202
I didn't know you were a,
like, caring person.
94
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,161
Same guy.
Same guy.
95
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,423
I'm the same guy
that did you
96
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,859
in that falafel
restaurant, you remember?
97
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,339
And a dirty
one, at that.
Mm-hmm.
98
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,602
Please don't do this.Dr. Sam.
99
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,517
Don't start thinking
I'm some amazing guy.
100
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,998
This is why I don't
tell girls what I do.
101
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,739
This doesn't change the way
I feel about you.
102
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,524
I feel nothing.
This is purely physical.
103
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:57,829
Dr. Sam!
104
00:02:57,873 --> 00:03:00,049
Oh, Ben!
What's up?
105
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:00,832
Fish tails?
106
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,053
I, uh...
107
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:06,055
How could I say no, buddy?
108
00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,753
[goofy voice]:
Fish tail! Fish tail!
109
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,146
Up top!
110
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,060
[laughs]
111
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:13,062
This makes me feel nothing.
112
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:14,759
I feel nothing.
113
00:03:14,803 --> 00:03:16,021
SCHMIDT:
I haven't worn these in years.
114
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:17,240
Here you go.
115
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:18,198
Wow, Schmidt.
116
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,634
You've got so many boots.
117
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,244
You know who doesn't
have a lot of boots?
118
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,854
Guys who aren't getting
laid on the reg.
119
00:03:22,898 --> 00:03:25,030
Ooh, trust me, I know.
Shelby and I agreed
Mm-hmm.
120
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,207
that we're gonna dress sexy
this Halloween, so...
121
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,339
hopefully that'll make us want
to have sex with each other.
122
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:32,212
You know, at night,
I can actually feel gusts
123
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,257
of frigid air coming
from beneath your door.
124
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:36,041
I get it, Schmidt.
We're in a rut.
125
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:37,260
Without sex, she's not
your girlfriend, okay?
126
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,262
She's a friend that
you buy meals for.
127
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,872
Winston, I get it, man.
128
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,047
You're... you're
scared to end it.
129
00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,266
You're just
like Cece.
130
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,268
Cece's scared to
end it with Robby,
131
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,357
because clearly she's
still nuts about me.
132
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,054
Robby's nice.
Good guy, man.
133
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:50,360
He always has gum.
134
00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:52,144
"Oh, Robby-- he's
such a nice guy."
135
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:53,668
I'll show you
nice guy. Boom.
136
00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,060
Punch him
in his face.
137
00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:56,279
Yeah, put you in a
guillotine choke hold.
138
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,238
And then Robby's
like, "Oh, my God!
139
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,891
"I can't believe this.
Young Abraham Lincoln
140
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,589
is choking me out
in his guillotine."
141
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,895
You're going as young
Abe Lincoln for Halloween?
142
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:06,071
Statistically speaking,
every American
143
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:08,204
thinks about Abraham Lincoln
at least once a day.
144
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,597
And Cece's
American, so...
145
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,076
Thank you for
that information, Schmidt.
146
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,252
Yeah.
147
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,601
What's up, Robby?
148
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:16,125
What's up, Robby,
you stupid idiot?
149
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,692
You had an alter
ego, remember?
150
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:18,910
Yeah.
151
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,216
The guy who'd
been in a coma
152
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,088
who woke up thinking
he had invented pie.
153
00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:25,308
Oh, I got a great new idea
for a dessert!
154
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,267
Wait a second,
what year is it?
155
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:30,270
[laughs]
156
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:31,488
That's awesome
you liked that.
157
00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:33,098
Well I'm really glad
you're here.
158
00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:35,144
Welcome to Los Angeles.
159
00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:36,450
L.A., as the locals call it.
160
00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:38,234
This is the city
where many scenes
161
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,715
from the film Beverly Hills Chihuahua
were shot.
162
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,194
Yeah, it's pretty cool.Mm-hmm.
163
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,283
I made you up a couch.
164
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:45,197
Wow.
The double eye patch.
165
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:47,330
You trying to
impress me?
Yes!
166
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:48,549
Absolutely!
167
00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:50,507
You kidding?
168
00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:04,216
CECE:
A doctor?
Mm-hmm.
169
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,740
I had him pegged for
170
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:08,786
a part-time tennis pro or
an unemployed handsome guy.
171
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:11,354
He cares about people for
a living; it's so much hotter.
172
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,182
You're starting
to like him now.
173
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,140
No, no, no,
we're just coworkers.
174
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,316
On the night shift.
175
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:17,186
These fit great, Jess.
176
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:19,144
Really, thank you so much.
177
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:21,669
It's like a childhood dream
come true for me.
178
00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:23,192
To be a Ninja Turtle.
179
00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:25,368
And to have a beautiful
girlfriend, of course.
180
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:26,326
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
181
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,023
What am I looking at here?
182
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,198
Robby, man to man,
183
00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:30,721
you didn't want
to wear something,
184
00:05:30,765 --> 00:05:32,288
I don't know,
a little more form flattering?
185
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,943
Maybe like a pile of towels,
the number eight?
186
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,205
Schmidt.I know. But how could I not
187
00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:37,685
knock down
such low-hanging fruit?
188
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:39,295
Speaking of low-hanging fruit,
189
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,818
Jess, you didn't
want to let out
190
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:41,993
the pants a little bit?No.
191
00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:43,168
Not even a touch?No.
192
00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:44,344
You want to look
at your work?
193
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,301
Looks great.
194
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,563
Not to an eight-year-old child.
195
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:47,825
Who's just staring
right down the barrel.
196
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:49,261
Enough.Are you guys coming to
197
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:50,480
the Halloween
festivities tomorrow?
198
00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,395
Actually, we're...I think you should come.
199
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:53,483
It's for charity.
200
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:54,571
-You like charity, Robby, right?
-Yeah.
201
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,573
Yeah, sure.
Like Cece dating you.
202
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,270
[laughs]
203
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:00,708
Awesome. Um...
204
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,405
Why not?No. I mean,
205
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,407
we have that thing...Don't worry about my friends.
206
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,409
I would love
to hang out with your friends.
207
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,237
I think we should do it, because
I want to wear this costume out.
208
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,195
You know what I mean?
So I say yes.
209
00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:12,241
Just, uh, keep the pumpkins
away from me, okay?
210
00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:15,026
I kind of cut myself
last Halloween.
211
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,419
I mean, not on a knife.
212
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:20,423
I-I, you know,
I cut myself on the pumpkin.
213
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,207
You should've
made a move in college.
214
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,819
No, I didn't have
moves, Amelia.
215
00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:26,429
[laughs]
My moves were
216
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:29,258
singing to you and trying
to give you back rubs and...
217
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:32,217
I do remember you picking a lot
of eyelashes off my cheeks.
218
00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:34,263
Didn't you think it
was weird that I kept
219
00:06:34,306 --> 00:06:37,266
showing up at your door, telling
you I had a family tragedy?
220
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:39,224
How many grandparents
did you think I had?
221
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:40,269
[both laugh]
222
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,576
I had a bad bag
of moves, lady.
223
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:45,056
Well, they're not
bad anymore, Nick Miller.
224
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,675
[groans]
225
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,677
Ah, that's great.
226
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,461
[groans]
227
00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,420
[both laugh]
228
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,291
That is for real.
229
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:03,640
There's more
where that came from.
230
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,599
[both laugh]
Uh-oh.
231
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:14,477
[groans]:
Oh, that's good stuff.
232
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,522
That is good.
233
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,441
[sighs]
234
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:22,442
[whispering]:
Hey.
235
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,443
[whispering]:
Sam's in there.
236
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:24,400
Yeah, Amelia's in there.
237
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,402
High five for sluts.
Yeah!
238
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,882
[chuckles]
Hey.
239
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,449
I think I might
like Sam.
240
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,842
Jess, I thought the whole thing
was how you didn't like him.
241
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,322
I know, but then...
242
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:34,454
[groans]
243
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,020
Hey.
244
00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:37,587
Hi. You must be
Amelia. I'm Jess.
245
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:38,936
Nice to meet you.
246
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:40,285
Nice to meet you.
247
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:41,461
Nick's told me
a lot about you.
248
00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:42,287
Yes, I did.
249
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,506
Yeah, it finally happened.
250
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,465
It's crazy--
Nick and Amelia.
251
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:47,162
Together.
Together, yeah.
252
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:48,424
Together, yeah.
Together.
253
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,512
Really? Right now?
254
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,079
Okay.
255
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:53,298
[giggles]
256
00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:55,300
Yeah, good.
257
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:57,433
Okay.
258
00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,914
All right, call
me tonight?
259
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,132
Actually, tonight's
the last night
260
00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:02,351
of this haunted house thing.
261
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:03,308
Here's a crazy idea.
262
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:04,440
What if you came?
263
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,963
Well, I don't really do,
264
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:07,835
uh, the, you know,
sort of costume thing.
265
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:08,923
I'm gonna be dressed up.
266
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,490
I think you should
dress up, too.
267
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,143
'Cause it'd be cool.
268
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,537
For me.
269
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,409
Okay. I'll try to
make it, darling.
270
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:21,152
[laughs]
271
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,328
[laughs]
272
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,942
Well, I wish I hadn't
have seen that.
273
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:30,335
You wish you hadn't seen that?
274
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,990
I wish I hadn't seen...Fair point.
275
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,383
What if tonight's a test?
276
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,559
If he shows up
wearing a costume,
277
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:37,560
he likes me.
278
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,083
Sound logic.I know.
279
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,346
Jess, I-I...
Jess, I was kidding.
280
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,522
How do the boots
feel, man?
281
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,175
Feel fantastic, man.
282
00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:45,525
Well, there's more
where that came from.
283
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:46,351
Got a lot of boots.
284
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:47,962
Whoo, looky here!
285
00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:49,354
One of my brothers in blue.
286
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:50,921
That gun looks real.
Let me see that for a second.
287
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,575
LAPD! Stand down!
Stand down!
288
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,098
I'm standing, I'm standing!
Look at that!
289
00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:56,405
[gasping]
290
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:57,406
Butch it up,
Axel Foley.
291
00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,539
Shelby's coming.
292
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,328
[chuckles]
293
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:06,894
Hey.
294
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,591
Hey. What, uh...
295
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,158
What-what are you?
296
00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:13,944
I'm reigning
cats and dogs!
297
00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:16,381
Get it?
298
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:18,209
Reigning...
299
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:20,603
cats and dogs.
300
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:23,519
Those stuffed animals
are gonna look good
301
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,566
on the floor of my bedroom.
302
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:28,568
Oh!
303
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,221
What are you doing?!
304
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:31,440
No, it's cool, it's cool.
305
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:32,615
Hey, guys.Hey, Schmidt.
306
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:33,529
Hey, Robby.
307
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,530
Hey, look, I get it.
308
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,531
Guy who shot John Lennon
309
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,924
dressed as a Ninja Turtle.No.
310
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:38,795
Cece, you're an angel,
as always.
311
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:41,232
Get off my horse,
Schmidt.
312
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:42,669
Hey, Lincoln, right?
That's awes...
313
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,061
You know, I was just thinking
about Lincoln today.
314
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:45,628
Yeah, Robby, we all were.
315
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:46,977
This is kind of funny.
316
00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:48,370
The two of you together
on that horse,
317
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:49,632
you kind of look like
a bride and a groom.
318
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,460
I will throw you
319
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:54,506
off of this horse with
my bare hands. I will.
320
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,465
I'm gonna tell him
how I feel tonight.
321
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,032
You are?
Think so.
322
00:09:58,075 --> 00:09:59,033
AMELIA:
Boo!
323
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:00,600
[laughs]
324
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:02,427
What'd you carve here?
325
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:03,820
Oh, it's a secret.
I'm not done yet.
326
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:06,040
[both laugh]
327
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,434
What's wrong with me?
328
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,262
I wanted this for
so long with her,
329
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:12,742
and now...
it's just too much.
330
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,657
You know?
Mm-hmm.
331
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,659
You want to know why I
don't like haunted houses?
332
00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:19,444
Why?
Because they're just
like relationships.
333
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,490
You walk in
all confident,
334
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:24,014
and then once you get in,
it's not what you thought
335
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:25,842
it was gonna be,
and it's scary.
336
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,496
Nice, you've liked her
for a long time.
337
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:29,629
Go in the "haunted house."
338
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:30,891
I'm gonna go
in the "haunted house."
339
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:33,067
Ta-da! That's me,
340
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,808
that's you, and
that's our dog.
341
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,026
[both laugh]
342
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,289
I look so scared.
343
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,464
Bride and groom?
344
00:10:39,508 --> 00:10:40,901
No!
345
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:42,598
No, I'm here with
the Ninja Turtle!
346
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,339
Bride and Ninja Turtle.
347
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,558
I don't get it.
348
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:47,690
I don't get
it, either.
349
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,300
Like she lost a
bet or something.
350
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,475
What is wrong with you?
351
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,651
Seriously!
352
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:52,608
It's okay, Cece.
353
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,436
No, it's not okay!
354
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:57,308
You need to go home
and change, Schmidt.
355
00:10:57,352 --> 00:11:00,094
I know you have more
costumes in your closet.
356
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:03,314
Those costumes are for Purim.
Purim's in March.
357
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:04,489
I don't care!
You're doing this intentionally
358
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:05,882
just to mess with me!
359
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,231
All right, calm down.
360
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,493
Everybody just...
just calm down.
361
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,017
All right, Schmidt?
Let's take a walk.
362
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,888
Let's take a walk.
363
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:14,325
Look, let's just cut
the crap, okay?
364
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:15,892
I know you think I'm dumb,
365
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:19,504
and you can hit on Cece
and make fun of me all day long,
366
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:22,725
but I'm not going
anywhere, all right?
367
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:24,509
You're a big guy,
you know that?
368
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,250
Yeah.
369
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:27,904
Luckily, I've got
a stone forehead.
370
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:29,166
What?
371
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:30,602
I'm sorry.
372
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,126
No, it's cool, man.You just tried
to head-butt me.
373
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,301
I had to stop you.No, yeah, yeah.
374
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:34,694
I got you. I got you.It's all right.
375
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,566
Damn it!Schmidt, you did it again.
376
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,133
How do you see that
coming every time?
377
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:40,743
You wind up. You make,
like, a little wind-up thing.
378
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,223
I just...
Hit me right
in the forehead.
379
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:43,528
Yeah, well, you tried to
head-butt me with your forehead.
380
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:44,747
Yeah, I know I was
trying to head-butt you.
381
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,357
Okay, listen.
382
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:48,533
I think there's
two options here.
383
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,710
We can either go the way
that things have been going
384
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:52,712
and we're going to have
a big problem,
385
00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:57,107
or we can just knock this off
and let's be friends, okay?
386
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,674
I'm sorry.Okay. I'm sorry, too.
387
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,719
I'm sorry, too.
My bad.
388
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:01,633
No, truce.
All right, truce.
389
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:04,724
Will you stop trying
to head-butt me, man?
390
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:05,768
I just...
391
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,378
Look at this guy.
392
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:08,728
Looking great.Oh, my God.
393
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:10,730
What?
He came.
394
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,558
He's not wearing
a costume.
395
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,517
Yeah, but he came, so...
396
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,388
SAM:
Hey.
Hey.
397
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,739
Oh, I got to sneeze.
398
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:25,614
I'm a clown for you.
399
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,572
Just don't ask me
to wear this in bed.
400
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,836
[chuckling]:
Okay.
401
00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:35,450
[Jess giggling]
402
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:40,672
I think, when he
comes here tonight,
403
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:42,805
I'm just going to be like,
"Sam, crazy idea--
404
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,633
why don't we take this
to another level?"
405
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:46,809
And pretend like I'm just
thinking of it, but I'm not...
406
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,463
[screaming]
407
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,770
[growling]
408
00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,425
[coughing]
409
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:55,992
Can you hand me my coffee?Yeah.
410
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:58,560
Zombie, just tell
him the truth.
411
00:12:58,603 --> 00:12:59,779
Mummy's right.
Take the big swing.
412
00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:01,650
It's okay to be vulnerable.
413
00:13:01,693 --> 00:13:03,434
[sighs]
You guys are right.
414
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,611
Life as a doctor.
415
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,004
Your phone must just be
416
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:09,963
blowing up with
life-saving texts, huh?
417
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:12,835
"Don't die on me, Danny Boy!
Use the paddles!"
418
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,532
No, it's a girl.
419
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:17,274
Oh, I thought Jess was working.
420
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:18,623
It's another girl.
Just a weekend thing.
421
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:21,452
Does Jess know
you're texting other girls?
422
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,759
Yeah. We're, like,
totally honest with each other.
423
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,804
You know?
I mean, she wants
424
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,240
a relationship less than I do.
425
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,458
It's actually awesome.
426
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,851
[chuckling]:
Right.
427
00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:31,854
- And you're coming
over tonight, hmm?
- Oops.
428
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,248
And she's going to talk to you.
429
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:35,031
Ooh.
430
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:39,253
P.A.: Welcome to the
land of..
NICK:
All right, man.
431
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,690
You've got to be kidding me.
432
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,387
P.A.: Scream if you must!
433
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:44,649
Just do it, Nick.
434
00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:45,912
Don't be scared, Nick.
435
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,957
You're a grown man.
This is a haunted house.
436
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,698
Game time.
437
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,483
I have no idea how they
deep-fry a turkey dinner,
438
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:55,878
but I am so glad they do
because I love it.
439
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,707
Do you love your legs? Because,
I'll tell you, diabetes doesn't.
440
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,448
Where have you been?Oh, God, I'm sorry.
441
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,276
I totally
lost track of time.
442
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:04,060
We decided that we're
going to hang out more.
443
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,888
But all of us are going
to hang out more.
444
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,759
You know, 'cause I
remember you saying
445
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,500
that you missed hanging out
with Schmidt, so...Oh, Robby.
446
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:12,852
And you said that?Yeah, I... yeah, I...
I said it, but...
447
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,505
No, because I want
to hang out with you, too.
448
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:15,767
With Robby there?
449
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,682
Yeah, with Robby there.
450
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,554
Good.
Good.
451
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,295
Oh, yeah,
good, good.Good.
452
00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:24,776
Lincoln, bringing the
nations back together again.
453
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,823
NICK:
Jess!
454
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,042
Jess, where are you?
455
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,913
DISTORTED MALE VOICE:
Watch your step!
456
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,741
[evil laughter]It's just a recording.
457
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,525
Good, good. Fun.
458
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:36,484
[hysterical laughter]
459
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:39,095
Okay. It's not a race.
It's not a...
460
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,923
[eerie giggling]
461
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,229
[yells]
462
00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:44,796
[high-pitched screaming]
463
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,368
[giggling]
464
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,940
Welcome to the morgue,
465
00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,637
Officer and...
466
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:02,945
Sorry. I have no idea what...
467
00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,555
that whole thing... I don't...
468
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,949
I'm reigning cats and dogs.
469
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,951
What?
"Reigning"
like a queen,
470
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:11,736
but... but "raining"
like the weather.
471
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:12,781
No.
472
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:14,261
"It's raining
cats and dogs!"
473
00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:16,741
Right.
It's a joke.
474
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,613
Not really.
What?
475
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:20,963
Hmm? No, I'm saying, like, it's
not really... not really funny.
476
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,531
It's hilarious.I thought you were
going to dress sexy.
477
00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:25,925
A sense of humor issexy.
478
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,100
I don't want to date the
queen of Cats and Dogs.
479
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:29,145
Reigning cats and dogs.Makes no sense.
480
00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:30,799
I don't see the queen of
England running around
481
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:32,975
with a cape and British
people stapled to it.
What?
482
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,846
When is the last time
you heard somebody say,
483
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,196
"Man, you know what's sexy?
484
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,849
A woman with stuffed
animals taped to her back."
485
00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:39,982
Look how good I look!
Look how stylish I look.
486
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:42,811
That's not sexy. I feel like
I'm getting a speeding ticket.
487
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:44,900
Ooh! Shelby, you made me so mad,
my mustache is coming off!
488
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:48,121
Why do you have a mustache
glued on top of your mustache.
489
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,819
Why aren't we having sex?
490
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:53,430
[ghoulish moaning]
491
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,693
Shut up, bitch.Sorry.
492
00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:59,001
Shelby, this is not working.
493
00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:00,785
It's just not.
494
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:03,614
I know.
495
00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:05,790
Oh, I get it.
496
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,967
Reigning cats and dogs.
497
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,621
It's funny. It is.
498
00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:16,192
[whispering]:
Jess.
499
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,980
Jessica Day, where are you?
500
00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:22,416
[shrieking]
501
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:23,939
[grunting]
502
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,897
No, no!
503
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,033
[chuckling]
504
00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:33,818
Very effective.
Very scary.
505
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:34,994
EERIE FEMALE VOICE:
Come in! Come in!
506
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:36,647
This is fun.
This is entertaining.
507
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:38,823
[screaming]
508
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:42,697
Oh, no! Jess!
509
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,046
No! No!
510
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,005
Jess! No!No, I'm her friend.
511
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,745
[whimpering]
512
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,793
[groaning]
513
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:53,447
NICK:
Somebody help me!
514
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:55,362
This is my nightmare!
515
00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:57,929
[high-pitched screaming]
516
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:03,283
I didn't punch a girl.
I punched a horrifying monster.
517
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:04,893
You of all people should
know this, Frankenstein.
518
00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:06,373
You're the real
monster.
519
00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:08,070
Oh, give me a break.
520
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,506
Jess, are you okay?
521
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:10,899
Yeah. It's nothing.
522
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:12,074
Nick just punched
me in the face.
523
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:14,250
What?!
Oh, my God!
No, it was an acc...
524
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,905
What is wrong with you?Jess, I'm sorry!
525
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,908
All right.
Look away.
526
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,478
All right, well, the
bruise is going to heal,
527
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,871
but I don't know what to do
about the giant stitches.
528
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,395
I mean, those are
going to scar.
529
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:29,918
And you're looking
a little pale.
530
00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,311
What have you
been eating?
531
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,139
Brains.
532
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:38,883
Habit.
533
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,974
I think we should go.
534
00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:45,890
Sam. Uh, wait.
535
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:48,328
Um... um...
536
00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:50,895
uh, I... I like you.
537
00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:53,072
I like you, too, Jess.No, but, um...
538
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,986
I care about you,
539
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:59,861
and um, I want
to ask you out for real.
540
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:04,126
So... will you go out with me?
541
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,262
I can't.
542
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:14,876
I told you...
543
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:17,096
what I wanted,
and I wasn't lying.
544
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:19,794
Yeah, um...
545
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:20,925
I just thought maybe
546
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:23,102
you were scared to say.I'm not.
547
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:24,668
Not scared, you know.
548
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:27,193
This is how I feel.
549
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,849
Do you want me to go?
550
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,949
Hey.
Hey.
551
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,125
You punch a girl?
552
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,562
Yes, I did.
Uh, I'm a coward.
553
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,041
I'm scared of
haunted houses.
554
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,956
And I'm scared of you--
I always have been.
555
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,003
That's right. That is what
I've been trying to remember.
556
00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:56,178
I was like, "Nick is great.
557
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:57,962
Why didn't I
realize it years ago?"
558
00:18:58,006 --> 00:19:01,792
And it's because you could not
tell me how you felt.
559
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:03,011
So you always knew
I liked you?
560
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:06,188
You drove me home
every Thanksgiving break.
561
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:08,147
You lived in Chicago;
I lived in Florida.
562
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,844
Well, I was trying
to avoid the tolls.
563
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:11,411
[both chuckle]
564
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:15,502
How do you feel about me now?
565
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,156
[stammers]
566
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,983
Great. Good.
567
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:21,160
I can't believe
that after all this time,
568
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:23,031
you still can't be
honest with me.
569
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,033
I'm sorry, all right?
It's my fault.
570
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:27,035
Okay, I fell in
love with you
571
00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:28,950
the first time I saw
you-- that's crazy.
572
00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:32,040
I didn't even know you.
It was just this idea of you.
573
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:35,870
And then... it just
wasn't what I thought.
574
00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:40,614
And what's up with
the way you kiss?
575
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:43,094
It's like reverse CPR.
It's like you're...
576
00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:46,228
Hey.
577
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,012
I'm not an idea of a person.
578
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,927
I'm an actual person.
579
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,020
ROBBY: Okay.CECE: Ready? Uh-huh.
580
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,196
BOTH:
One, two, three.
581
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,895
[both grunt]
582
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,026
All right, let's try it
one more time.
583
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,289
Let's see if we
can hit the top.
584
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:04,028
I think you guys deserve
the couples costumes.
585
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,030
Bride and groom.
586
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,207
Aw.How sweet of you.
587
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,165
Thank you.
Take the hat.
588
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,385
It's... that's, like,
the most important part.
589
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,256
Very nice of you to
do that, Schmidt.
Hold this.
590
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,432
Okay, I'm not... I don't need
to wear a second costume.
591
00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:18,173
This and the hat and the
blazer's enough, so that's...
592
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,220
You need it, Robby.Where you going with
this here, buddy? I...
593
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,439
You're not going to...
the pants, too?Oh, no, no, no, no.
594
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,702
We're fine. We're good.It's important, man.
Need to wear the whole thing.
595
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,835
Just... what are
you going to wear?
596
00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:29,315
Plan B was always
597
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:31,055
Matthew McConaughey
in Magic Mike,so...
598
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:33,101
Always got to have
a plan B, Robby.
599
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,848
Thanks, man.
600
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,417
Wow. I mean,
look at his thighs.
601
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,245
They're like fleshy
tree trunks.
602
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,507
Whoa.
603
00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:50,292
I mean, he just knows
how to work a crowd.
604
00:20:50,336 --> 00:20:51,815
I mean, his thighs
605
00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:54,122
are like, the size
of my head.
606
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:56,211
WOMAN:
Reigning cats and dogs!SHELBY: Yeah!
607
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,257
Coat of arms.[laughing]
608
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,128
You are so awesome!
609
00:21:00,171 --> 00:21:03,479
You know, I may not
actually be Abraham Lincoln,
610
00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:05,699
but I witnessed
the emancipation
611
00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:07,831
of one black guy
tonight...
612
00:21:07,875 --> 00:21:10,312
from a terrible
relationship.
613
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,532
Come on.
614
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:17,232
I know I said you shouldn't
put yourself out there,
615
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,842
but I'm glad you did.
616
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:22,324
You should be with somebody
who's crazy about you, Jess.
617
00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:24,108
Thanks, Nick.
618
00:21:24,152 --> 00:21:26,415
That'd be really nice
if it wasn't coming
619
00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:29,157
from somebody who just
punched me in the face.
620
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,941
Sorry about that.
621
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:33,117
SCHMIDT:
All right, you ready?
Mm-hmm.
622
00:21:33,161 --> 00:21:34,118
Let's do it.
623
00:21:34,162 --> 00:21:36,730
All right.
Let's do it.
624
00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:38,122
Okay.
625
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:41,300
Jess, let's make this right.All right.
626
00:21:45,216 --> 00:21:47,175
[laughs]
627
00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:48,698
I can't do this.
628
00:21:48,742 --> 00:21:52,920
I'm glad you're you,
'cause Jess Day could...
629
00:21:52,963 --> 00:21:54,965
Ow! Mother of...
Damn it!
40608
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