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1
00:01:51,369 --> 00:01:54,327
You must do your best tonight,
be on your toes, men.
2
00:01:54,729 --> 00:01:57,562
There's an honored guest tonight.
He's one of those men,
3
00:01:57,969 --> 00:02:00,529
who are being feted
by the smart-set.
4
00:02:00,929 --> 00:02:03,682
We'll see
that he gets what he deserves.
5
00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,922
Treat him as they do a king,
in manner royal.
6
00:02:07,329 --> 00:02:10,162
Like a subject to a king,
you must be loyal.
7
00:02:10,569 --> 00:02:13,288
On this
you must have your hearts set.
8
00:02:13,689 --> 00:02:15,919
We'll do nothing to get on his nerves.
9
00:02:16,329 --> 00:02:19,366
Again I mention:
Be on your toes, men.
10
00:02:19,769 --> 00:02:22,124
He craves attention,
he's one of those men.
11
00:02:22,529 --> 00:02:26,363
We will give him
just what he deserves.
12
00:02:36,649 --> 00:02:38,605
Oh, Hives...
- Yes, Mrs. Rittenhouse?
13
00:02:39,009 --> 00:02:41,967
I'd like to reassign the rooms.
- Very good, madam.
14
00:02:42,369 --> 00:02:44,644
Mr. Chandler
should have the Blue suite.
15
00:02:45,049 --> 00:02:48,883
Captain Spaulding, as guest of honor,
gets the Green duplex with 2 baths.
16
00:02:49,289 --> 00:02:54,283
Two? - Yes. I think the Captain
would like 2 baths, don't you?
17
00:02:54,689 --> 00:02:58,887
If he's just returned from Africa,
he may need 2 baths.
18
00:02:59,289 --> 00:03:01,519
Mr. Roscoe W. Chandler.
19
00:03:03,169 --> 00:03:05,922
Mrs. Rittenhouse! Well, I...
20
00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:08,408
Mr. Chandler!
21
00:03:09,409 --> 00:03:13,448
So nice to see you.
- The famous Beaugard, as promised.
22
00:03:13,849 --> 00:03:17,967
How can I ever express my gratitude?
- Oh, 'tis nothing.
23
00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:23,443
Nothing? You return from Europe
with a masterpiece worth $100,000,
24
00:03:23,849 --> 00:03:25,760
and instead of displaying it yourself,
25
00:03:26,169 --> 00:03:29,366
you let me unveil it
at my party for Captain Spaulding.
26
00:03:29,769 --> 00:03:33,125
You call that nothing?
- Mrs. Rittenhouse, I...
27
00:03:33,529 --> 00:03:38,080
Please remove it to where it will be
exhibited. - Very good, sir.
28
00:03:38,489 --> 00:03:40,639
And very careful, please.
29
00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:46,686
You think that is something?
I would do much more for you.
30
00:03:47,089 --> 00:03:51,241
You are a very beautiful woman.
- No, no, Mr. Chandler.
31
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:54,288
Well, maybe I'm wrong.
- What?
32
00:03:56,689 --> 00:04:01,240
Please do not go. I love you.
- I know. Mr. Chandler, now look...
33
00:04:01,649 --> 00:04:05,483
Hello, Mother. Playing house?
34
00:04:05,889 --> 00:04:08,722
Well, if you'll pardon me.
35
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:14,567
Have you seen Johnny Parker?
- Forget him. Think more of our guest.
36
00:04:14,969 --> 00:04:18,086
Your problem is you don't take
these social affairs seriously.
37
00:04:18,489 --> 00:04:21,208
What would you suggest, Mom? Suicide?
38
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,520
I would suggest...
39
00:04:23,929 --> 00:04:27,558
That must be him.
- Captain Spaulding has arrived.
40
00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:30,483
What a pleasure! I'm so glad.
41
00:04:30,889 --> 00:04:33,278
Friends,
Captain Spaulding has arrived.
42
00:04:33,689 --> 00:04:36,761
At last we are to meet him,
the famous Captain Spaulding.
43
00:04:37,169 --> 00:04:40,127
From climates hot and scalding,
the Captain has arrived.
44
00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:43,566
Most heartily we'll greet him,
with plain and fancy cheering,
45
00:04:43,969 --> 00:04:46,927
until he's hard of hearing.
The Captain has arrived.
46
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:51,288
The Captain has arrived.
47
00:04:56,049 --> 00:05:01,123
Mr. Horatio W. Jamison,
Field Secretary of Captain Spaulding.
48
00:05:09,289 --> 00:05:14,727
The Captain insists on these
conditions under which he camps here.
49
00:05:15,129 --> 00:05:18,041
In one thing he is very strict.
He wants his women young and picked.
50
00:05:18,449 --> 00:05:21,202
As for men,
he won't have any tramps here.
51
00:05:21,609 --> 00:05:27,206
As for men,
he won't have any tramps here.
52
00:05:27,769 --> 00:05:30,681
The men must all be very old,
the women warm, the champagne cold.
53
00:05:31,089 --> 00:05:33,842
It's under these conditions
that he camps here.
54
00:05:34,249 --> 00:05:37,241
I'm announcing
Captain Geoffrey Spaulding.
55
00:05:37,649 --> 00:05:40,925
He's announcing
Captain Geoffrey Spaulding.
56
00:05:41,329 --> 00:05:48,440
Oh dear. He is coming.
At last he's here.
57
00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:13,161
Well, what do I owe you?
58
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,723
From Africa to here, $1.85?
Outrageous!
59
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:23,600
I told you not to take me
through Australia. That's criminal.
60
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:27,160
Turn around.
I want to see your license plates.
61
00:06:27,569 --> 00:06:29,446
I'll attend to you later.
62
00:06:29,929 --> 00:06:33,444
You're one of the most beautiful
women I've seen. Doesn't say much.
63
00:06:33,849 --> 00:06:36,488
Captain, Rittenhouse Manor
is entirely at your disposal.
64
00:06:36,889 --> 00:06:40,768
I'm grateful for this magnificent
washout, ah, turnout.
65
00:06:41,169 --> 00:06:45,401
Vow I'd like to say a few words.
Hello, I must be going.
66
00:06:45,809 --> 00:06:48,277
I cannot stay.
I came to say I must be going.
67
00:06:48,689 --> 00:06:52,602
I'm glad I came,
but just the same, I must be going.
68
00:06:53,009 --> 00:06:54,567
But you must stay.
69
00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:59,042
If you should go away, you'll spoil
this party I am throwing.
70
00:06:59,449 --> 00:07:03,488
I'll stay a week or two,
I'll stay the summer through,
71
00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:06,198
but I am telling you,
72
00:07:06,609 --> 00:07:10,124
I must be going.
73
00:07:10,529 --> 00:07:13,726
Before you go,
will you oblige us
74
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:17,565
and tell us of
your deeds so glowing?
75
00:07:17,969 --> 00:07:21,518
I'll do anything you say. In fact
I'll even stay. - Good.
76
00:07:21,929 --> 00:07:26,320
But I must be going.
77
00:07:29,409 --> 00:07:32,799
There's something I would like to say
that he's too modest to relay.
78
00:07:33,209 --> 00:07:36,246
The Captain is a moral man.
Sometimes he finds it trying.
79
00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:41,769
This I emphasize with stress. I never
drink unless... somebody's buying.
80
00:07:42,169 --> 00:07:44,399
The Captain is a very moral man.
81
00:07:44,809 --> 00:07:48,085
If he hears anything obscene,
he'll naturally repel it.
82
00:07:48,489 --> 00:07:54,519
I hate a dirty joke, unless it's told
by someone who knows how to tell it.
83
00:07:54,929 --> 00:07:57,568
The Captain is a very moral man.
84
00:07:57,969 --> 00:08:00,608
Hooray for Captain Spaulding,
the African explorer.
85
00:08:01,009 --> 00:08:03,239
Did someone call me Shnorrer?
86
00:08:07,089 --> 00:08:09,728
He went into the jungle,
where the monkeys throw nuts.
87
00:08:10,129 --> 00:08:13,519
If I stay here, I'll go nuts.
88
00:08:16,249 --> 00:08:19,002
He puts all his reliance
in courage and defiance
89
00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,969
and risks his life for science.
90
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:27,045
He is the only white man
to cover every acre.
91
00:08:39,329 --> 00:08:42,048
He puts all his reliance
in courage and defiance
92
00:08:42,449 --> 00:08:45,168
and risks his life for science.
93
00:08:45,569 --> 00:08:48,367
Hooray for Captain Spaulding,
the African explorer.
94
00:08:48,769 --> 00:08:51,567
He put his name on dying fame
and that is why we say:
95
00:08:51,969 --> 00:08:56,963
Hooray, hooray, hooray.
96
00:08:57,369 --> 00:09:00,805
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this display of effusion.
97
00:09:01,209 --> 00:09:02,483
And I want you to know...
98
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:17,326
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this display of effusion...
99
00:09:28,449 --> 00:09:32,567
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this display of effusion.
100
00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:36,678
Hooray for Captain Spaulding...
Well, somebody's got to do it.
101
00:09:37,089 --> 00:09:41,367
It is indeed a great honor
to welcome you to my poor home.
102
00:09:41,769 --> 00:09:43,600
Oh, it isn't so bad.
103
00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:48,685
Wait. You're right, it's one of the
frowziest joints I've ever seen.
104
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,047
The wallpaper!
You're letting this place run down.
105
00:09:52,449 --> 00:09:56,044
You're not getting the class of people
you need. These people look like you.
106
00:09:56,449 --> 00:09:59,009
Let's put up a sign,
"Under new management".
107
00:09:59,409 --> 00:10:01,764
We set up a 75-cent meal
that knocks their eyes out.
108
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,842
Then we can charge
whatever we want. Sign here
109
00:10:05,569 --> 00:10:08,129
and give me a check for $1,500.
110
00:10:08,529 --> 00:10:12,124
This insurance policy provides for
your little one and your old age,
111
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,407
which will be here in a few weeks.
112
00:10:15,809 --> 00:10:19,165
I feel that the time has come,
the walrus said...
113
00:10:19,569 --> 00:10:23,482
You stand before me as one
of the bravest men of all times.
114
00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:25,288
Alright, I'll do that.
115
00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:29,284
In the dark forests of Africa,
you dared all dangers.
116
00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:31,725
You mind if I don't smoke?
117
00:10:32,129 --> 00:10:34,438
Fearlessly
you have blazed new trails,
118
00:10:34,849 --> 00:10:38,000
scoffed at the lions' roar
and the cannibals' tom-toms.
119
00:10:38,409 --> 00:10:39,922
Says you.
120
00:10:40,329 --> 00:10:43,924
Never once in all those months
did your footsteps falter.
121
00:10:44,329 --> 00:10:48,322
Cowardice is unknown to you.
Fear is not in you.
122
00:10:49,089 --> 00:10:51,444
Pardon me, a caterpillar, Captain.
123
00:10:54,489 --> 00:10:56,878
The caterpillar
must have frightened him. Oh dear.
124
00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:00,520
Don't just stand there,
get the whiskey.
125
00:11:01,409 --> 00:11:05,561
Where's the whiskey? - In my little
black bag, in the right-hand corner.
126
00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:14,007
Signor Emanuel Ravelli.
127
00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:27,045
How are you? Where's the dining room?
- This is a surprise.
128
00:11:27,449 --> 00:11:31,408
I used to know an Emanuel Ravelli
who looked exactly like you.
129
00:11:31,809 --> 00:11:35,279
I am Emanuel Ravelli.
- You're Emanuel Ravelli?
130
00:11:35,689 --> 00:11:39,318
No wonder you look like him.
But there is a resemblance.
131
00:11:40,529 --> 00:11:44,522
And he thinks I look alike.
- If so, it's a tough break for you.
132
00:11:44,929 --> 00:11:47,682
You are one of the musicians?
Aren't you due tomorrow?
133
00:11:48,089 --> 00:11:49,522
Tomorrow's too quick.
134
00:11:50,329 --> 00:11:54,686
Lucky they didn't come yesterday.
- We charge for yesterday, too.
135
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,603
What do you get an hour?
136
00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:01,718
For playing, we get $10 an hour.
- And for not playing?
137
00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:05,246
$12 an hour.
- Clip me off a piece of that.
138
00:12:05,649 --> 00:12:09,278
For rehearsing, we make special rate.
That's $15 an hour.
139
00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:12,123
For rehearsing?
And for not rehearsing?
140
00:12:12,529 --> 00:12:14,804
You couldn't afford it.
141
00:12:15,209 --> 00:12:17,848
If we don't rehearse, we don't play.
142
00:12:18,249 --> 00:12:21,321
And if we don't play,
that runs into money.
143
00:12:21,729 --> 00:12:26,678
How much for running into an open
manhole? - Just a cover charge.
144
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:30,886
Well, drop in some time.
- Sewer.
145
00:12:31,289 --> 00:12:35,077
Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.
- Let's see how we stand.
146
00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:36,842
Flat-footed.
147
00:12:37,249 --> 00:12:41,959
Yesterday we didn't come.
You remember? That's $300.
148
00:12:42,369 --> 00:12:44,758
Yesterday you didn't come.
That's $300?
149
00:12:45,169 --> 00:12:46,761
Oh, that's reasonable.
150
00:12:47,169 --> 00:12:50,559
Today we did come...
- You owe us 100.
151
00:12:50,969 --> 00:12:53,164
I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal.
152
00:12:53,569 --> 00:12:56,367
Tomorrow we leave. That's worth...
- A million dollars.
153
00:12:56,769 --> 00:13:00,318
Yeah, that's alright for me,
but I got a partner.
154
00:13:01,049 --> 00:13:02,960
The Professor.
155
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:24,162
The gates swung open
and a Fig Newton entered.
156
00:13:24,569 --> 00:13:26,127
How do you do?
157
00:13:27,129 --> 00:13:28,528
Goodness.
158
00:13:41,569 --> 00:13:43,878
You haven't got chocolate, have you?
159
00:13:46,249 --> 00:13:49,924
He's got everything. - Hives,
take the Professor's hat and coat.
160
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,365
And send for the fumigators.
161
00:13:58,169 --> 00:14:01,241
Don't you see that there are ladies
present? Put that hat down.
162
00:14:01,649 --> 00:14:04,925
What are you doing?
Get out of here. Go on.
163
00:15:09,969 --> 00:15:12,005
A little more to the right.
164
00:15:13,609 --> 00:15:15,486
That's better.
165
00:15:23,329 --> 00:15:27,766
See that the drape is well-hung.
The mistress will inspect it later.
166
00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:30,729
Hello, Hives.
- Mrs. Whitehead!
167
00:15:31,449 --> 00:15:34,168
This is a surprise.
- And how about me? - Miss Grace!
168
00:15:34,569 --> 00:15:38,960
You've grown so.
- You haven't lost any weight, either.
169
00:15:39,369 --> 00:15:40,768
No, unfortunately not.
170
00:15:41,169 --> 00:15:44,605
It seems strange to find you working
here instead of our own home.
171
00:15:45,009 --> 00:15:48,843
After you left for Europe,
Mrs. Rittenhouse made me an offer.
172
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:54,118
Lovely. By the way, what's the secret
about the painting?
173
00:15:54,529 --> 00:15:56,918
No secret.
It's Beaugard's "After the Hunt".
174
00:15:57,329 --> 00:16:00,401
The original?
- Most original.
175
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:02,638
Be careful.
176
00:16:03,849 --> 00:16:05,885
Where did she get that?
177
00:16:06,289 --> 00:16:09,599
Is it very valuable?
- It must be worth a fortune.
178
00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:13,558
It looks as if Mrs. Rittenhouse gets
the Social Award of the Season.
179
00:16:13,969 --> 00:16:16,961
Can't we do something?
- We might shoot ourselves.
180
00:16:17,369 --> 00:16:19,519
I'd rather shoot Mrs. Rittenhouse.
181
00:16:19,929 --> 00:16:24,480
I have an idea. I copied that painting
at art school a year ago.
182
00:16:24,889 --> 00:16:26,720
Well, what of it?
183
00:16:29,409 --> 00:16:31,240
But I still don't get it.
184
00:16:31,649 --> 00:16:34,800
I'll get the copy.
We'll substitute it for the original
185
00:16:35,209 --> 00:16:40,442
and when she unveils it,
she'll have a cruel imitation.
186
00:16:40,849 --> 00:16:44,319
Grace, you're wonderful.
- That's what I've been telling you.
187
00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:47,846
I won't be long.
- Alright. See you later.
188
00:16:52,129 --> 00:16:53,642
Oh, Hives?
189
00:16:55,049 --> 00:16:59,361
Do you still feel a bond between us?
- Most certainly, Mrs. Whitehead.
190
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:03,648
Strong enough for you to do me
a big favor? - Anything at all.
191
00:17:04,049 --> 00:17:07,246
If I were to ask you
to take away the Beaugard...
192
00:17:07,649 --> 00:17:10,209
Do you mean...
- Temporarily, of course.
193
00:17:10,609 --> 00:17:15,125
And substitute something of my own?
- Quite an unusual request.
194
00:17:15,529 --> 00:17:20,045
It is, but somehow I still think
of you as one of the Whiteheads.
195
00:17:21,409 --> 00:17:25,118
You may count on me.
My soul is yours,
196
00:17:25,529 --> 00:17:28,726
even though my body
may belong to Mrs. Rittenhouse.
197
00:17:29,129 --> 00:17:30,164
Why, Hives!
198
00:17:32,569 --> 00:17:35,367
Oh, Mrs. Whitehead!
- Arabella!
199
00:17:35,769 --> 00:17:39,159
May I present Mr. Parker?
- Of the Massachusetts' Parkers?
200
00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:42,163
Why, no.
- Then the Southern Parkers?
201
00:17:42,569 --> 00:17:47,438
No, the Central Parkers.
You know, the Benches and Trees.
202
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,601
I see.
203
00:17:50,009 --> 00:17:51,203
Meow!
204
00:17:52,209 --> 00:17:54,359
Oh, I don't like that woman.
205
00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:57,761
You sit down here
and tell me whom you do like.
206
00:17:58,169 --> 00:18:03,721
Oh, so that's your game.
- Vow listen. Do you really love me?
207
00:18:04,489 --> 00:18:07,765
Marry me and find out.
- Marry you?
208
00:18:08,169 --> 00:18:12,879
On what? Last year I sold 2 paintings.
One at 100 and one at 50.
209
00:18:13,289 --> 00:18:17,760
Could we live on $150 a year?
- We wouldn't need money.
210
00:18:18,169 --> 00:18:21,957
I've got a charge account
in every shop on 5th Avenue.
211
00:18:22,849 --> 00:18:27,764
If I had any brains, I'd give up
painting and get a regular job.
212
00:18:28,169 --> 00:18:31,479
I had a cousin who made $50,000
in Wall Street last year.
213
00:18:31,889 --> 00:18:37,122
I don't wanna marry your cousin.
I'm a darn fool and wanna marry you.
214
00:18:37,529 --> 00:18:38,405
Say...
215
00:18:39,169 --> 00:18:42,206
we could get that old bluff Chandler
to buy a portrait from you.
216
00:18:42,609 --> 00:18:45,248
Chandler?
What does he know about art?
217
00:18:45,649 --> 00:18:49,085
The less he knows,
the easier it'll be for you.
218
00:18:49,489 --> 00:18:54,882
They're right upstairs. You can't miss
them. Go round the other side.
219
00:18:56,049 --> 00:18:57,641
Mrs. Rittenhouse.
220
00:19:00,529 --> 00:19:03,362
Captain Spaulding!
How are you?
221
00:19:04,129 --> 00:19:09,283
Tell me. Are you alone?
- Captain, I don't understand.
222
00:19:09,689 --> 00:19:13,284
You don't? Don't give me that innocent
stuff or you'll be alone.
223
00:19:14,009 --> 00:19:17,399
A big cluck like you
turning cute on me!
224
00:19:19,689 --> 00:19:21,520
Mrs. Rittenhouse...
- Yes?
225
00:19:21,929 --> 00:19:23,806
Oh, pardon me.
226
00:19:24,209 --> 00:19:26,279
You've been affected like this before?
227
00:19:26,689 --> 00:19:28,964
Oh no, Captain.
- You will be.
228
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,361
Mrs. Rittenhouse...
229
00:19:31,769 --> 00:19:34,886
Ever since I've met you,
I've swept you off my feet.
230
00:19:35,289 --> 00:19:40,409
Something has been beating in me like
the incessant tom-tom in the jungle.
231
00:19:40,809 --> 00:19:44,165
Something that I must ask you.
- What is it, Captain?
232
00:19:44,569 --> 00:19:48,244
Would you wash a pair of socks for me?
- I'm surprised.
233
00:19:48,649 --> 00:19:52,961
It's been on my mind for weeks.
It's my way of saying I love you.
234
00:19:53,649 --> 00:19:56,925
I love you. I've never been...
- Captain!
235
00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,285
Pardon me. Am I intruding?
236
00:19:59,689 --> 00:20:03,568
Are you intruding? Just when
I had her on the 5-yard line.
237
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:07,245
I should say you were intruding.
Pardon, that you are intruding.
238
00:20:07,649 --> 00:20:10,083
I was using the subjunctive
instead of the past tense.
239
00:20:10,489 --> 00:20:14,721
Yes, we're way past tents,
we're living in bungalows now.
240
00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:18,007
Mrs. Whitehead, you haven't met
Captain Spaulding, have you?
241
00:20:18,409 --> 00:20:19,524
No
242
00:20:19,929 --> 00:20:23,444
How are you? - How are you?
- Fine, thank you. How are you?
243
00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:27,478
And how are you?
That leaves you one up.
244
00:20:27,889 --> 00:20:31,598
Did anyone ever tell you
you had beautiful eyes? - No
245
00:20:32,009 --> 00:20:34,762
Well, you have.
And so have you.
246
00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:37,239
He shot her a glance.
247
00:20:37,649 --> 00:20:40,561
As a smile played around his lips.
248
00:20:41,169 --> 00:20:44,286
I've never seen
four more beautiful eyes in my life.
249
00:20:44,689 --> 00:20:45,917
Well, three anyway.
250
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:50,527
You two girls have everything.
You're tall and short, slim and stout.
251
00:20:50,929 --> 00:20:55,161
Just the kind of girl I crave.
We three would make an ideal couple.
252
00:20:55,569 --> 00:20:58,447
You have beauty, charm, money.
You have got money?
253
00:20:58,849 --> 00:21:00,726
If not, we can quit right now.
254
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:04,246
The Captain is charming, isn't he?
- I'm fascinated.
255
00:21:04,649 --> 00:21:07,561
I'm fascinated, too. Right on the arm.
256
00:21:07,969 --> 00:21:10,085
Fascinated, whim-wham!
257
00:21:10,489 --> 00:21:13,720
If I were Eugene O'Neill, I could tell
you what I really think of you two.
258
00:21:14,129 --> 00:21:16,802
You're fortunate the Theater Gill
isn't putting this on.
259
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,279
And so is The Gill.
260
00:21:21,209 --> 00:21:24,599
Pardon me
while I have a strange interlude.
261
00:21:25,289 --> 00:21:29,840
You couple of baboons, what makes
you think I'd marry either one of you?
262
00:21:30,249 --> 00:21:32,285
Strange how the wind blows tonight.
263
00:21:32,689 --> 00:21:35,567
It reminds me of poor old Marsden.
264
00:21:35,969 --> 00:21:38,199
How happy I could be
with either of these two,
265
00:21:38,609 --> 00:21:41,282
if both of them just went away.
266
00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:44,757
Well, girls, will you marry me?
267
00:21:45,169 --> 00:21:49,560
Which one of us? - Both of you.
Let's all get married. It's my party.
268
00:21:49,969 --> 00:21:52,005
Party... Party...
269
00:21:53,489 --> 00:21:57,402
Here I am talking of parties.
I came down for a party. What happens?
270
00:21:57,809 --> 00:22:00,881
Nothing Not even ice cream.
271
00:22:01,289 --> 00:22:03,519
The gods look down and laugh.
272
00:22:03,929 --> 00:22:08,844
The world would be better for children
if the parents had to eat the spinach.
273
00:22:09,249 --> 00:22:10,284
What do you say?
274
00:22:11,009 --> 00:22:14,445
We all gonna get married?
- All of us? - All of us.
275
00:22:14,849 --> 00:22:17,522
That's bigamy.
- Yes, and that's big of me, too.
276
00:22:17,929 --> 00:22:19,965
Let's be big for a change.
277
00:22:20,369 --> 00:22:24,044
One woman and one man was enough
for your grandmother,
278
00:22:24,449 --> 00:22:27,998
but who wants to marry her?
Nobody Not even your grandfather.
279
00:22:28,409 --> 00:22:32,084
Think of the honeymoon. Strictly
private. No other woman allowed.
280
00:22:32,489 --> 00:22:35,765
Well, maybe one or two,
but no men. I may not go myself.
281
00:22:36,169 --> 00:22:38,364
You want a companionate marriage?
282
00:22:38,769 --> 00:22:43,479
It has its advantages. You'd live with
your folks, I'd live with your folks.
283
00:22:43,889 --> 00:22:46,881
And you'd sell Fuller brushes.
284
00:22:47,889 --> 00:22:49,481
Living with your folks...
285
00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:52,164
The beginning of the end.
286
00:22:52,569 --> 00:22:55,447
Drab yesterdays shutting out
beautiful tomorrows.
287
00:22:55,849 --> 00:22:59,808
Hideous footsteps creaking along
the misty corridors of time,
288
00:23:00,209 --> 00:23:04,282
and in those corridors I see figures.
Strange figures.
289
00:23:04,689 --> 00:23:08,921
Weird figures:
Steel 186, Anaconda 74,
290
00:23:09,329 --> 00:23:11,638
American Can 138.
291
00:23:13,649 --> 00:23:16,607
Where were we?
Oh yes, we wanted to marry.
292
00:23:17,009 --> 00:23:22,322
What do you think? Should we?
- Marriage is a noble institution.
293
00:23:25,129 --> 00:23:28,963
The foundation of the American home.
- Yes, but it can't be enforced.
294
00:23:29,369 --> 00:23:32,964
It was put over on us
while our boys were over there
295
00:23:33,369 --> 00:23:35,007
and our girls over here.
296
00:23:36,329 --> 00:23:39,844
I've waited at these stairs
for years for just this moment.
297
00:23:40,249 --> 00:23:42,968
Captain, where are you going?
- I'm sorry, ladies,
298
00:23:43,369 --> 00:23:48,443
we'll have to postpone the wedding
for a few days. Maybe for a few years.
299
00:23:48,849 --> 00:23:53,127
Before I get married, I'm gonna
sow a couple of wild oats.
300
00:23:53,529 --> 00:23:56,282
The Captain's so amusing.
- Isn't he charming?
301
00:23:57,049 --> 00:24:00,359
That's the famous Beaugard, eh?
Great picture, isn't it?
302
00:24:00,769 --> 00:24:04,921
You've seen it before?
- I spent 3 days in Paris copying it.
303
00:24:05,329 --> 00:24:09,800
You did?
- Me and a million other artists.
304
00:24:10,729 --> 00:24:14,404
I bet yours was better than the rest.
- It wasn't bad.
305
00:24:14,809 --> 00:24:17,528
I'll show it to you sometime.
306
00:24:17,929 --> 00:24:21,478
Listen. - What?
- Mother's going to unveil it tonight.
307
00:24:21,889 --> 00:24:22,924
Yeah?
308
00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:28,323
Suppose when she unveils it,
it's not the Beaugard at all.
309
00:24:28,729 --> 00:24:32,438
Suppose it's yours.
- You want to swap mine for his?
310
00:24:32,849 --> 00:24:36,046
Exactly.
- You're crazy. What good would it do?
311
00:24:36,449 --> 00:24:38,565
What good? Listen.
312
00:24:38,969 --> 00:24:42,200
They'll unveil it. Chandler
will tell everyone how fine it is.
313
00:24:42,609 --> 00:24:46,727
They'll cheer like mad, and then
we'll tell them who really did it.
314
00:24:47,129 --> 00:24:50,326
They'll say you're a great artist.
You'll get 6 commissions,
315
00:24:50,729 --> 00:24:53,482
and we can be married and
divorced in no time.
316
00:24:54,169 --> 00:24:58,879
Sound great. But what if
they don't like my painting?
317
00:24:59,289 --> 00:25:02,406
Isn't the chance worth taking?
318
00:25:05,809 --> 00:25:09,279
I see you're admiring my picture?
- Yes, yes.
319
00:25:09,689 --> 00:25:13,841
Your picture? - Yes, my picture.
- It don't look like you.
320
00:25:14,249 --> 00:25:17,798
Some place I met you before.
Your face is very familiar.
321
00:25:18,209 --> 00:25:21,201
I am one of the most
well-known men in America.
322
00:25:21,609 --> 00:25:24,203
The newspapers
keep running my photograph.
323
00:25:24,609 --> 00:25:27,919
You're not Abe Kabibble?
- Nonsense
324
00:25:30,649 --> 00:25:33,117
If you're not Abe Kabibble,
who are you?
325
00:25:33,529 --> 00:25:35,997
Vow please.
My name is Roscoe W. Chandler.
326
00:25:36,409 --> 00:25:41,164
I don't get about the name.
Some place I met you before.
327
00:25:41,569 --> 00:25:44,527
Were you ever in Sing Sing?
- Please.
328
00:25:44,929 --> 00:25:48,285
No I got it. Joliet!
- Let me alone.
329
00:25:48,689 --> 00:25:51,522
Alright. Don't run away.
Leavenworth!
330
00:25:51,929 --> 00:25:56,605
I've never been in these places.
I've spent most of my time in Europe.
331
00:25:57,009 --> 00:26:00,843
I've got it now.
You come from Czechoslovakia.
332
00:26:01,249 --> 00:26:03,205
You're wrong. I've never been there.
333
00:26:03,609 --> 00:26:07,397
Hey, come here.
- I tell you. Get away from me.
334
00:26:07,809 --> 00:26:10,528
You remember him?
He come from Czechoslovakia.
335
00:26:10,929 --> 00:26:13,045
You are wrong. I told you before.
336
00:26:13,449 --> 00:26:16,600
He come from Czechoslovakia.
And I know who it is.
337
00:26:17,009 --> 00:26:21,161
Abie, the fish peddler from
Czechoslovakia. - Ridiculous.
338
00:26:21,569 --> 00:26:24,447
We prove it. He had a birthmark.
339
00:26:24,849 --> 00:26:27,807
Please, what are you trying?
Let me alone!
340
00:26:32,369 --> 00:26:35,918
There it is! The birthmark!
Abie, the fishman.
341
00:26:36,329 --> 00:26:38,365
I confess. I was Abie.
342
00:26:38,769 --> 00:26:42,557
How did you get to be Chandler?
- How did you get to be Italian?
343
00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:44,641
Whose confession is this?
344
00:26:45,049 --> 00:26:47,324
Don't tell anyone about this
345
00:26:47,729 --> 00:26:52,166
and we can come to some agreement.
One that is mutually satisfactory.
346
00:26:52,569 --> 00:26:55,686
Money. Money.
- Shall we say $500?
347
00:26:56,089 --> 00:26:58,478
Fie to $500!
- All the cash I have with me.
348
00:26:58,889 --> 00:27:02,677
$500? I tell you what.
We'll take your IOU.
349
00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:06,764
That's my best offer.
- That's all you'll give?
350
00:27:07,489 --> 00:27:11,084
Abie the fishman!
Abie the fishman!
351
00:27:14,049 --> 00:27:16,165
Please, be quiet.
352
00:27:16,569 --> 00:27:21,040
Come here.
I have a check for $5,000.
353
00:27:21,889 --> 00:27:24,926
Is it good? - Of course.
Who would give me a bad check?
354
00:27:25,329 --> 00:27:27,285
I would. See if it's good.
355
00:27:33,409 --> 00:27:36,526
Alright, if you don't want it...
- That's all we get?
356
00:27:36,929 --> 00:27:40,808
Yes.
- He's Abie the fishman!
357
00:27:46,689 --> 00:27:49,044
Give me that handkerchief.
358
00:27:49,449 --> 00:27:52,327
My tie! Where's my tie?
359
00:27:52,729 --> 00:27:55,289
Nothing but a pair of thieves.
360
00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:58,483
I get the tie. What you got?
361
00:27:58,889 --> 00:28:00,845
The birthmark!
362
00:28:04,369 --> 00:28:06,758
Where's your tie?
- Why I...
363
00:28:07,249 --> 00:28:09,922
Fine way
for a millionaire to run around.
364
00:28:10,329 --> 00:28:14,607
Have you got garters?
- Of course. Oh, they've taken them.
365
00:28:15,009 --> 00:28:17,921
A likely story.
Have you at least got socks?
366
00:28:18,329 --> 00:28:22,925
Certainly. Here. - They look
pretty old to me. Whose are they?
367
00:28:23,329 --> 00:28:27,083
Well, old socks. Let me introduce
myself. I'm Captain Spaulding.
368
00:28:27,489 --> 00:28:30,720
Roscoe W. Chandler.
- This is a treat, your treat.
369
00:28:31,529 --> 00:28:33,121
You have heard about me?
370
00:28:33,529 --> 00:28:37,841
I've heard about you for years,
and I'm getting pretty sick of it.
371
00:28:38,249 --> 00:28:41,525
Quite naturally, I've also heard
of the great Captain Spaulding.
372
00:28:41,929 --> 00:28:43,726
Fine. I've heard of you
and you've heard of me.
373
00:28:44,129 --> 00:28:48,202
Have you heard the one about
the two Irishmen? - Oh yes.
374
00:28:49,689 --> 00:28:53,125
Then let's get down to business.
My name is Spaulding.
375
00:28:53,529 --> 00:28:58,319
Roscoe W. Chandler. - Geoffrey T.
Spaulding. What's the "T" stand for?
376
00:28:59,329 --> 00:29:02,401
Thomas?
- Edgar. You were close, though.
377
00:29:02,809 --> 00:29:06,119
I want to talk to you about something.
378
00:29:06,529 --> 00:29:10,204
Would you like to finance
an expedition? - That is a question.
379
00:29:10,609 --> 00:29:14,158
You certainly know a question
when you see it. I congratulate you.
380
00:29:14,569 --> 00:29:18,528
And that brings us back to where we
were. Will you finance an expedition?
381
00:29:18,929 --> 00:29:21,363
Do you have
a particular one in mind?
382
00:29:21,769 --> 00:29:26,047
I've always wanted to do something
before I quit. - What is that?
383
00:29:26,449 --> 00:29:29,327
Retire.
Vow, would you be interested?
384
00:29:29,729 --> 00:29:34,280
My retirement would be the greatest
contribution to science ever.
385
00:29:34,689 --> 00:29:37,408
This is your chance. When I think
what you have done for this country.
386
00:29:37,809 --> 00:29:39,800
What have you done, by the way?
- Oh well...
387
00:29:40,209 --> 00:29:43,360
I've always tried to do what I could.
Especially for art.
388
00:29:43,769 --> 00:29:46,920
How have we drifted around to that?
What is your opinion of art?
389
00:29:47,329 --> 00:29:50,207
I'm glad you asked.
- I withdraw the question.
390
00:29:50,609 --> 00:29:53,567
He takes things seriously.
You can't ask a simple question.
391
00:29:53,969 --> 00:29:58,759
Where will you build your new opera
house? - Near Central Park.
392
00:29:59,169 --> 00:30:01,319
Why not right in Central Park?
- Could we?
393
00:30:01,729 --> 00:30:03,208
At night, when no one's looking.
394
00:30:03,609 --> 00:30:07,397
Better yet, in the reservoir. But that
could interfere with the water supply.
395
00:30:07,809 --> 00:30:11,563
After all, art is art.
On the other hand, water is water.
396
00:30:11,969 --> 00:30:13,368
And east is east, west is west.
397
00:30:13,769 --> 00:30:18,320
If you stew cranberries like
applesauce, they tastes like prunes.
398
00:30:18,729 --> 00:30:21,197
Vow tell me what you know.
399
00:30:21,609 --> 00:30:24,077
I would gladly giving you my opinion.
400
00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:27,401
Dandy,
I'll ask you for them someday.
401
00:30:27,809 --> 00:30:29,686
Can you be
in my office at 10 tomorrow?
402
00:30:30,089 --> 00:30:33,684
Ask for my secretary.
If he sees you, I'll discharge him.
403
00:30:34,089 --> 00:30:37,320
Saturday at 3. No, make that Tuesday.
I'm going to Europe Monday.
404
00:30:37,729 --> 00:30:40,562
My name is Spaulding.
I've always wanted to meet you.
405
00:30:40,969 --> 00:30:43,608
What do you think of
the problems of traffic and marriage?
406
00:30:44,009 --> 00:30:46,569
What do you think of
when you go to bed, you beast?
407
00:30:47,289 --> 00:30:51,567
Well, I... - I'd rather not hear it.
There are children present.
408
00:30:51,969 --> 00:30:55,882
My dear Captain, it boils down
to a question of money.
409
00:30:56,289 --> 00:30:58,962
The nickel is not what it was
10 years ago.
410
00:30:59,369 --> 00:31:02,839
I'll go further than that.
It's not what it was 15 years ago.
411
00:31:03,249 --> 00:31:06,286
You know what this country needs?
A 7-cent nickel.
412
00:31:06,689 --> 00:31:09,806
We've had
the 5-cent nickel since 1492.
413
00:31:10,209 --> 00:31:12,006
Nearly 100 years.
414
00:31:12,409 --> 00:31:16,527
Let's give the 7-cent nickel a chance,
and then try an 8-cent nickel.
415
00:31:16,929 --> 00:31:19,841
You buy a 3-cent paper and
get the same nickel back.
416
00:31:20,249 --> 00:31:22,888
One nickel carefully used
would last a family a lifetime.
417
00:31:23,289 --> 00:31:26,884
I think that's a wonderful idea.
- Really? - Yes.
418
00:31:27,289 --> 00:31:30,440
Then there can't be much to it.
Forget it.
419
00:31:30,849 --> 00:31:34,205
Tell me, Captain Chandler...
Excuse me, Spaulding.
420
00:31:34,609 --> 00:31:39,160
I'm Spaulding. You're Chandler.
Let's have no more of this.
421
00:31:39,569 --> 00:31:42,800
Alright. - Bad enough being Spaulding.
- Tell me, Captain Spaulding...
422
00:31:43,209 --> 00:31:45,086
Spaulding is the right name?
- Right.
423
00:31:45,489 --> 00:31:47,923
I'm Chand...
No, I'm Spauld...
424
00:31:48,329 --> 00:31:53,039
Show me the program. For all he knows,
I might be coming next week.
425
00:31:53,449 --> 00:31:55,599
Captain Spaulding,
you're quite a traveler.
426
00:31:56,009 --> 00:31:58,523
How about South America?
I'm going there soon.
427
00:31:58,929 --> 00:32:00,521
Where exactly?
- Uruguay.
428
00:32:00,929 --> 00:32:05,161
You go your-a-way, I'll go mine.
Let's change the subject.
429
00:32:05,569 --> 00:32:08,800
Take the foreign situation.
Take Abyssinia.
430
00:32:09,209 --> 00:32:11,359
And I'll take a hot butterscotch
sundae on rye.
431
00:32:11,769 --> 00:32:15,125
Let's see what the boys
in the back room are up to.
432
00:32:22,449 --> 00:32:26,601
Let's see how yours compares
with the original. - Alright.
433
00:32:29,049 --> 00:32:33,998
No difference! - Look closer.
Maybe you'll find it's better.
434
00:32:41,609 --> 00:32:44,442
You seen my partner?
- No
435
00:32:52,649 --> 00:32:54,446
Oh, Mr. Raviola!
436
00:32:54,849 --> 00:32:59,843
Ravelli. Ravelli. - Oh, Mr. Ravelli.
Would you do something for me?
437
00:33:00,249 --> 00:33:02,968
I'd do anything for you.
What do ya want?
438
00:33:03,369 --> 00:33:06,042
You see that painting?
- You mean this piksh?
439
00:33:06,449 --> 00:33:10,362
Take it out of the frame
and put this one in its place.
440
00:33:10,769 --> 00:33:15,126
You want I should take this one down
and put this one upstairs? - Yes.
441
00:33:15,529 --> 00:33:19,920
You want I should steal?
- No It's not stealing.
442
00:33:20,329 --> 00:33:24,925
Then I couldn't do it.
- Oh, Mr. Raviola!
443
00:33:34,809 --> 00:33:37,084
Hey, get up. Come here.
444
00:33:37,489 --> 00:33:41,118
That's all you do.
Chase the women. Oh, stop.
445
00:33:41,529 --> 00:33:43,520
Everybody plays cards,
but they don't ask us.
446
00:33:43,929 --> 00:33:47,808
We just wasting our time.
We've been here all day.
447
00:33:48,209 --> 00:33:54,284
How much we make? Nothing
Soon we go to the old ladies' home.
448
00:33:54,689 --> 00:33:58,728
How do you like that?
No, that's no good.
449
00:34:00,009 --> 00:34:04,002
These people here got money.
We gotta find someone to play with us.
450
00:34:04,409 --> 00:34:06,969
I'd play anything. Poker, pinochle...
- Signor Ravelli,
451
00:34:07,369 --> 00:34:11,487
I want to talk to you about the music.
What's wrong with you?
452
00:34:11,889 --> 00:34:14,278
It would be nice...
Go away from me!
453
00:34:14,689 --> 00:34:15,758
What is this?
454
00:34:17,729 --> 00:34:20,960
Hello, Professor.
What's the matter with his feet?
455
00:34:21,369 --> 00:34:25,157
We play all kinds of games.
Blackjack, soccer...
456
00:34:44,609 --> 00:34:47,726
One, two, three...
457
00:35:21,289 --> 00:35:24,281
Why don't you leave him alone?
458
00:35:26,769 --> 00:35:29,647
Vow that this game is over,
how about some bridge?
459
00:35:30,049 --> 00:35:32,961
You play bridge?
- A little. - What do you play for?
460
00:35:33,369 --> 00:35:37,362
Just for small stakes.
- And french-fried potatoes?
461
00:35:38,369 --> 00:35:41,281
Set it up right over there, Hives.
- Very good, madam.
462
00:35:45,929 --> 00:35:49,160
What is he up to? Look at this.
463
00:35:57,289 --> 00:35:59,962
Take it away, Hives.
- Extraordinary.
464
00:36:00,369 --> 00:36:04,328
How do you want to play? Honest?
- I hope so.
465
00:36:04,729 --> 00:36:07,323
You put that right away.
466
00:36:07,729 --> 00:36:09,685
It's your own fault.
467
00:36:11,329 --> 00:36:15,163
We'll cut for partners.
- No, I only play if he's my partner.
468
00:36:15,569 --> 00:36:18,367
It's against the rules.
We have to cut for partners.
469
00:36:18,769 --> 00:36:22,682
Alright, we cut for partners.
I got ace of spades.
470
00:36:23,089 --> 00:36:25,125
He's got ace of spades.
471
00:36:25,849 --> 00:36:27,248
Coincidences!
472
00:36:27,649 --> 00:36:30,527
Two aces of spades?
- Yeah, he's got thousands of them.
473
00:36:30,929 --> 00:36:35,400
He has the choice of seat then.
- You have the choice of seat.
474
00:36:35,809 --> 00:36:38,403
Not on her lap.
- Sit down.
475
00:36:38,809 --> 00:36:42,358
What's the matter with him?
- He thought it was contact bridge.
476
00:36:42,769 --> 00:36:47,843
Just a moment. Shuffle the cards.
- You gotta scrumble them up.
477
00:37:00,569 --> 00:37:03,481
Just a moment. I'd like to cut them.
478
00:37:24,529 --> 00:37:26,679
That's a winner.
479
00:37:47,009 --> 00:37:49,523
Your bid, partner.
480
00:37:49,929 --> 00:37:51,885
You pass?
481
00:37:52,649 --> 00:37:54,367
Misdeal.
482
00:37:54,769 --> 00:37:57,567
You pass? I bid one spade.
483
00:37:57,969 --> 00:38:00,802
I pass.
- Three spades.
484
00:38:01,209 --> 00:38:02,847
Four spades.
485
00:38:04,329 --> 00:38:08,641
One club.
- I don't understand this bidding.
486
00:38:09,049 --> 00:38:11,517
You don't have to.
487
00:38:13,089 --> 00:38:16,081
You bid four spades, eh?
488
00:38:16,529 --> 00:38:20,124
I haven't a spade in my hand.
- Alright. We double.
489
00:38:20,529 --> 00:38:23,521
Something's wrong here.
Let's do over the bidding.
490
00:38:23,929 --> 00:38:28,127
Oh, she want to bid again.
He bids one.
491
00:38:28,529 --> 00:38:32,044
One? One what?
- That's alright. You'll find out.
492
00:38:32,449 --> 00:38:36,488
But we have to know what he's bidding.
- Later. Vow I bid two.
493
00:38:36,889 --> 00:38:41,599
Two what? - Two of the same he bids.
Vow the bidding's over. That's enough.
494
00:38:42,009 --> 00:38:43,408
It's your lead.
495
00:38:43,809 --> 00:38:46,118
You can't lead that.
- Why not?
496
00:38:46,529 --> 00:38:49,999
We can't take it.
- What should I lead?
497
00:38:50,409 --> 00:38:54,118
He'll show you.
Ace of spades. That's-a very good.
498
00:38:55,049 --> 00:38:57,768
Three of spades. Four of spades.
499
00:38:59,889 --> 00:39:01,322
You trump it?
500
00:39:03,609 --> 00:39:05,679
You call that finesse.
501
00:39:06,969 --> 00:39:09,802
No spades, partner. No spades.
502
00:39:18,049 --> 00:39:19,528
Ace of hearts.
503
00:39:25,809 --> 00:39:27,083
Ace of clubs.
504
00:39:30,329 --> 00:39:33,366
Dummy leads.
The dummy leads.
505
00:39:33,769 --> 00:39:37,318
I'm not the dummy.
- Well, you could be.
506
00:39:39,569 --> 00:39:41,400
Ace of diamonds.
507
00:39:42,809 --> 00:39:44,481
Hundred aces, eh?
508
00:39:44,889 --> 00:39:47,449
Two hundred? That's better.
509
00:39:48,289 --> 00:39:51,520
Ace of hearts.
Atta boy. Make a big slam.
510
00:39:52,489 --> 00:39:54,798
Make a big, big slam.
511
00:39:55,209 --> 00:39:56,767
Ace of spades.
512
00:40:01,329 --> 00:40:02,557
Ace of spades.
513
00:40:02,969 --> 00:40:05,847
That's a good guy. Plays a good game.
514
00:40:06,849 --> 00:40:10,000
Ace of spades.
Plays a fine game.
515
00:40:11,489 --> 00:40:13,525
Ace of spades.
- I refuse to play any longer.
516
00:40:13,929 --> 00:40:17,808
You're nothing but two cardsharps.
- My shoes are gone.
517
00:40:18,209 --> 00:40:21,360
Graciousness.
He has your slippers. Come along.
518
00:40:23,049 --> 00:40:25,324
Hey, you take-a the ladies' shoes?
519
00:40:51,529 --> 00:40:53,201
Quiet!
520
00:41:00,529 --> 00:41:02,759
Hide. Somebody's coming.
521
00:41:04,929 --> 00:41:08,126
Alright, I make a mistake.
Get up, come on.
522
00:41:10,689 --> 00:41:12,645
Come on. Hurry up.
523
00:41:13,009 --> 00:41:16,638
You know what we do? We hang
that picture upstairs, for the lady.
524
00:41:17,049 --> 00:41:19,324
Don't touch.
You got everything ready?
525
00:41:19,729 --> 00:41:22,960
Shovel, axe, dynamite, pineapples?
Where's the flash?
526
00:41:25,049 --> 00:41:28,837
Flash, flash.
That's no the flash.
527
00:41:34,449 --> 00:41:38,078
That's a fish!
I don't want the fish. Flash!
528
00:41:38,489 --> 00:41:40,207
Stop it. You crazy.
529
00:41:40,609 --> 00:41:44,284
When you go out at night,
you gotta have the flash.
530
00:41:45,489 --> 00:41:48,367
That's no flash.
That's a flisk. Flash.
531
00:41:48,769 --> 00:41:51,841
When you wanna see somebody,
you gotta have the flash.
532
00:41:52,249 --> 00:41:55,924
That's a flush.
What I gonna do with the flush?
533
00:41:56,329 --> 00:41:59,560
That's a flitz.
What I gonna do with flitz?
534
00:41:59,969 --> 00:42:01,527
What do ya got?
535
00:42:02,129 --> 00:42:03,687
That's a flutz.
536
00:42:04,089 --> 00:42:08,241
All you got is a fish and a flutz
and a flitz and a flutz...
537
00:42:08,649 --> 00:42:11,288
Stop this. Where's the flash?
538
00:42:12,529 --> 00:42:16,727
Look, when everything's light and
you wanna make 'em dark. What ya do?
539
00:42:17,889 --> 00:42:21,006
Hey, you crazy. I want no blackjack.
540
00:42:21,409 --> 00:42:26,324
My mistake. When everything's dark
and you wanna make 'em light.
541
00:42:26,729 --> 00:42:29,926
Yeah, that's a flash.
That's a flash.
542
00:42:35,689 --> 00:42:37,247
Hey, that's good, alright.
543
00:42:37,649 --> 00:42:41,437
The storm put the lights out.
Nobody can see what we do.
544
00:42:41,849 --> 00:42:43,680
Where's the flash?
545
00:42:44,089 --> 00:42:46,080
Where's the flash?
546
00:42:46,489 --> 00:42:49,049
I no want the fish. Flash.
547
00:42:49,449 --> 00:42:52,441
No, no flutz.
What's the matter with you?
548
00:42:53,369 --> 00:42:56,122
Flash.
Before the people are coming.
549
00:42:56,529 --> 00:43:00,727
What's a matter? You lose it?
You gotta find it. Look for it.
550
00:43:02,329 --> 00:43:04,968
Alright, never mind.
We'll work without it.
551
00:43:14,809 --> 00:43:18,085
Hide! Hide!
Somebody's coming. Hide.
552
00:43:19,049 --> 00:43:22,086
Quiet, quiet. Shut up.
553
00:43:22,489 --> 00:43:26,528
Keep quiet.
I know where you are. It's alright.
554
00:43:27,329 --> 00:43:30,878
Oh, Captain Spaulding, where are you?
- Yeah?
555
00:43:31,289 --> 00:43:33,120
Oh, Captain...
- What's the trouble?
556
00:43:33,529 --> 00:43:38,080
The lights have gone out. You can't
see your hand before your face.
557
00:43:38,489 --> 00:43:40,559
It wouldn't be very pleasant, anyway.
558
00:43:40,969 --> 00:43:45,042
Well, I'm going to take a nap.
Leave me a call for three o'clock.
559
00:43:47,569 --> 00:43:49,639
Make it three-thirty.
560
00:43:50,049 --> 00:43:51,846
The service here is excellent.
561
00:43:52,249 --> 00:43:55,082
Pardon me, did you lose a fish?
- What?
562
00:43:55,489 --> 00:43:59,528
Somebody lost it.
Will you have it fried for me?
563
00:43:59,929 --> 00:44:01,760
Did you hear that?
564
00:44:02,169 --> 00:44:04,239
Somebody's over there.
565
00:44:04,649 --> 00:44:09,564
I say somebody's over there.
- Nonsense The house is settling.
566
00:44:09,969 --> 00:44:12,642
Anybody over there?
- I don't see anybody.
567
00:44:13,049 --> 00:44:17,088
There you are. If anybody was there,
he'd see him, wouldn't I?
568
00:44:19,049 --> 00:44:21,847
What is it, Captain? What is it?
569
00:44:22,249 --> 00:44:25,525
You know what I think?
I think you got roaches.
570
00:44:34,009 --> 00:44:38,207
You got roaches alright.
And the biggest one has asthma.
571
00:44:38,609 --> 00:44:40,361
Horrible! Come on, Captain.
572
00:44:40,769 --> 00:44:45,160
This can't be the library.
This must be the operating room.
573
00:44:45,569 --> 00:44:48,641
We get the picture
and we don't make a sound.
574
00:44:49,049 --> 00:44:50,721
Somebody turned on the lights.
575
00:44:51,129 --> 00:44:55,600
Alright, we get the picture
and don't make one sound.
576
00:44:58,009 --> 00:45:00,728
What do you want?
Oh, the fish. Go on.
577
00:45:03,129 --> 00:45:07,281
That's some storm, eh?
A regular tornado.
578
00:45:07,689 --> 00:45:09,964
Let's go this way.
I think it's a shortcut.
579
00:45:10,369 --> 00:45:12,485
Come on, let's go.
580
00:45:14,249 --> 00:45:16,001
California.
581
00:45:21,569 --> 00:45:24,527
Before we start the musical program,
582
00:45:24,929 --> 00:45:28,399
Captain Spaulding will tell us
about his trip to Africa.
583
00:45:28,809 --> 00:45:31,039
Captain Spaulding.
- Me?
584
00:45:33,889 --> 00:45:39,088
Friends, I'm going to tell you of that
great, mysterious, wonderful Africa.
585
00:45:39,489 --> 00:45:42,287
Africa is God's country,
and he can have it.
586
00:45:42,689 --> 00:45:47,319
We left New York drunk and early
on the morning of February 2.
587
00:45:47,729 --> 00:45:52,519
After 15 days on the water
and 6 on the boat, we reached Africa.
588
00:45:52,929 --> 00:45:56,842
We proceeded 300 miles inland,
where I shot a polar bear.
589
00:45:57,249 --> 00:46:01,606
This bear was 6' 7" in its stockinged
feet, with shoes on. - Just a moment.
590
00:46:02,729 --> 00:46:05,402
I always thought
polar bears lived in the frozen north.
591
00:46:05,809 --> 00:46:09,040
You did? This one was anemic
and couldn't stand the cold.
592
00:46:09,449 --> 00:46:12,043
He was a rich bear
and could afford the trip.
593
00:46:12,449 --> 00:46:15,122
You take care of your animals,
and I'll take care of mine.
594
00:46:15,529 --> 00:46:18,043
Frozen north, my eye!
595
00:46:18,889 --> 00:46:21,164
From our arrival,
we led an active life.
596
00:46:21,569 --> 00:46:24,879
The first morning saw us up at 6,
breakfasted and back in bed at 7.
597
00:46:25,289 --> 00:46:30,044
This went on for 3 months. We got so
we were able to be in bed by 6:30.
598
00:46:30,449 --> 00:46:33,088
One morning
I was smoking some meat...
599
00:46:33,489 --> 00:46:36,606
Smoking some meat?
- Yes, there was no cigar store.
600
00:46:37,009 --> 00:46:40,001
I was sitting in front of the cabin,
when I bagged 6 tigers.
601
00:46:40,409 --> 00:46:43,481
Captain. Did you catch 6 tigers?
602
00:46:43,889 --> 00:46:47,359
I begged them to go away,
but they hung around all day.
603
00:46:47,769 --> 00:46:50,567
They were the most persistent tigers
I've ever seen.
604
00:46:50,969 --> 00:46:55,599
The principal animals in Africa are
moose, elks and Knights of Pythias.
605
00:46:56,009 --> 00:46:58,443
You all know what a moose is.
606
00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:01,647
The first day I shot two bucks.
607
00:47:02,049 --> 00:47:03,767
As I say,
you all know what a moose is.
608
00:47:04,169 --> 00:47:07,605
A moose eats cheese
and is chased by cats.
609
00:47:08,009 --> 00:47:12,924
The elks live in the hills, and
hold their convention in the spring.
610
00:47:13,329 --> 00:47:15,445
It's interesting
when they come to the waterhole.
611
00:47:15,849 --> 00:47:18,647
Boy, do they run
when they see it's only a waterhole.
612
00:47:19,049 --> 00:47:21,483
What they're looking for
is an alco-hole.
613
00:47:21,889 --> 00:47:24,198
One morning I shot an elephant
in my pajamas.
614
00:47:24,609 --> 00:47:26,440
How he got in them, I don't know.
615
00:47:26,849 --> 00:47:29,238
We tried to remove the tusks.
616
00:47:29,649 --> 00:47:31,765
That's not so easy to say, tusks.
617
00:47:32,169 --> 00:47:33,921
Oh, simple. Tusks.
618
00:47:34,329 --> 00:47:37,321
My name is Spaulding.
I've always wanted to meet you.
619
00:47:37,729 --> 00:47:42,200
As I say, we tried to remove
the tusks, but we couldn't budge them.
620
00:47:42,609 --> 00:47:48,400
In Alabama, the tusks are looser.
But that's entirely ir-elephant.
621
00:47:48,809 --> 00:47:51,403
We took pictures of the native girls,
but they weren't developed.
622
00:47:51,809 --> 00:47:54,164
But we're going back
in a couple of weeks...
623
00:47:54,569 --> 00:47:57,402
Very enlightening.
- Hooray for Captain Spaulding.
624
00:47:57,809 --> 00:47:59,686
Three cheers!
625
00:48:00,529 --> 00:48:03,043
Three cheers for Captain Spaulding!
626
00:48:03,449 --> 00:48:07,761
Three cheers...
- No one asked for the chairs.
627
00:48:08,169 --> 00:48:10,444
Put them back. Vow get along.
628
00:48:12,089 --> 00:48:13,363
Go on, go on!
629
00:48:13,769 --> 00:48:19,321
And now, friends, Signor Ravelli
will oblige us at the piano.
630
00:48:22,529 --> 00:48:25,248
His first selection is
"Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping"
631
00:48:25,649 --> 00:48:27,799
with a male chorus.
632
00:49:26,529 --> 00:49:30,283
Say, if you get near a song, play it.
633
00:49:36,569 --> 00:49:39,242
I can't think of the finish.
634
00:49:41,129 --> 00:49:44,599
That's strange.
I can't think of anything else.
635
00:49:45,329 --> 00:49:48,127
You know what?
I think I went past it.
636
00:49:48,569 --> 00:49:51,561
If you come around again,
jump off.
637
00:49:51,969 --> 00:49:55,484
I once kept this up for three days.
638
00:49:55,889 --> 00:49:59,598
You wouldn't consider hush money,
would you?
639
00:50:00,449 --> 00:50:04,920
I can't get 'em now. I've gotta wait
for inspiration. - It's about time.
640
00:50:05,329 --> 00:50:07,524
Play the song about Montreal.
- Montreal?
641
00:50:07,929 --> 00:50:10,762
"I'm A Dreamer, Montreal."
642
00:50:11,169 --> 00:50:15,526
Don't know it. I'll play one of my own
compositions, by Victor Herbert.
643
00:50:15,929 --> 00:50:17,840
Make it short.
644
00:52:19,609 --> 00:52:21,679
He plays them both well.
645
00:52:33,809 --> 00:52:36,562
Your team scored that time.
646
00:52:38,009 --> 00:52:39,328
And the old blue one.
647
00:52:39,729 --> 00:52:43,881
Why do you push?
- They may exterminate each other.
648
00:52:44,289 --> 00:52:47,087
The best thing for either of them.
649
00:52:47,489 --> 00:52:49,844
That one's for old Purdue.
650
00:53:01,929 --> 00:53:03,408
I was afraid of that.
651
00:53:04,249 --> 00:53:07,446
I thought I had the finish.
- I wish you did. Yours.
652
00:53:07,849 --> 00:53:10,568
Play the song
about the Irish chiropodist.
653
00:53:10,969 --> 00:53:13,403
"My Fate Is In Your Hands".
654
00:53:47,369 --> 00:53:49,837
Is there a horse in the house?
They got everything else here.
655
00:53:50,249 --> 00:53:52,763
And now, Mrs. Rittenrotten...
656
00:53:53,169 --> 00:53:56,320
Rittenhouse. - Yes, a slight error.
I have a surprise for you.
657
00:53:56,729 --> 00:53:58,560
The man is here for the piano.
- Oh, Captain!
658
00:53:58,969 --> 00:54:03,804
When I departed from the natives
in Africa, they gave me a gift.
659
00:54:04,209 --> 00:54:08,122
And this I give to you, at a low fare.
- How wonderful.
660
00:54:08,969 --> 00:54:12,723
Don't be too hasty...
- I can't wait...
661
00:54:13,249 --> 00:54:15,763
It was all done
with the white of an egg.
662
00:54:16,169 --> 00:54:18,444
What is it, Captain?
663
00:54:18,849 --> 00:54:22,558
What is it?
It's a hope chest for a guinea pig.
664
00:54:22,969 --> 00:54:26,803
This magnificent chest...
No, this magnificent chest
665
00:54:27,209 --> 00:54:32,283
I present to you with my compliments.
- This leaves me speechless.
666
00:54:32,689 --> 00:54:35,726
See that you remain that way.
- And now, ladies and gentlemen...
667
00:54:36,129 --> 00:54:37,482
Step outside and say that.
668
00:54:37,889 --> 00:54:44,078
Mrs. Rittenhouse has perhaps a greater
surprise for us in the library.
669
00:54:44,489 --> 00:54:46,207
This way, Captain.
670
00:54:50,929 --> 00:54:56,128
Mrs. Rittenhouse, how do you pay
Hives? By the week or by the pound?
671
00:55:11,609 --> 00:55:15,158
And now it is my privilege
to reveal the masterpiece
672
00:55:15,569 --> 00:55:19,164
of François Jacques
DuBois Gilbert Beaugard.
673
00:55:19,849 --> 00:55:23,444
No trains will be sold
after the magazines leave the depot.
674
00:55:24,249 --> 00:55:26,285
"After the Hunt."
675
00:55:30,769 --> 00:55:34,205
There! I said you were a great artist.
676
00:55:34,609 --> 00:55:37,840
Shall we spill the beans?
- Wait. Something might happen.
677
00:55:38,249 --> 00:55:41,764
We'd all enjoy a few words
from Mr. Chandler,
678
00:55:42,169 --> 00:55:45,764
who will tell us something
of Beaugard's life and work.
679
00:55:46,169 --> 00:55:48,046
And keep it clean!
680
00:55:48,449 --> 00:55:50,167
Mr. Chandler!
681
00:55:55,369 --> 00:55:59,203
My friends,
you are all familiar with Beaugard.
682
00:55:59,609 --> 00:56:02,123
This is perhaps his masterpiece.
683
00:56:02,529 --> 00:56:06,602
In it he has achieved a greatness
in the handling of color and line.
684
00:56:07,009 --> 00:56:08,920
Vow you will see here...
685
00:56:09,329 --> 00:56:12,844
Wait! This is not my picture.
This is a rank imitation.
686
00:56:13,249 --> 00:56:16,480
What do you mean?
- See for yourself.
687
00:56:19,769 --> 00:56:23,284
You are right. It's not the Beaugard.
- Certainly not. A dog is missing.
688
00:56:23,689 --> 00:56:27,477
Captain Spaulding, what shall I do?
- Call the dog-catchers at once.
689
00:56:27,889 --> 00:56:33,168
They've taken the original.
- I'll throw some light on this.
690
00:56:34,129 --> 00:56:37,201
Anyone have a match?
- What happened?
691
00:56:37,609 --> 00:56:40,328
Hives, where are you?
Turn on the lights.
692
00:56:40,729 --> 00:56:44,404
Did you lose that fish again?
- I'm so worried.
693
00:56:44,809 --> 00:56:48,961
Good heavens. That one is gone, too.
- Oh, this is awful.
694
00:56:49,369 --> 00:56:54,966
The crooks are escaping.
Follow me, men. No, just the women!
695
00:56:55,889 --> 00:56:59,325
Right this way.
They went out here.
696
00:57:03,409 --> 00:57:07,721
Oh, the excitement. I never saw
anything so funny before.
697
00:57:08,129 --> 00:57:11,166
This is great.
And there goes her old party.
698
00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:14,682
Wasn't it funny?
- Oh, v-v-v-very.
699
00:57:15,089 --> 00:57:18,206
You're not afraid, are you?
- Oh no. Not at all.
700
00:57:18,609 --> 00:57:23,967
But they were talking about the police
and I don't want them suspecting me.
701
00:57:24,369 --> 00:57:27,202
They won't suspect you.
- Oh yes!
702
00:57:27,609 --> 00:57:32,046
The last time they suspected me,
I got four years. - Hives!
703
00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:36,442
You give me the painting,
and I'll take care of it. - Good.
704
00:57:47,769 --> 00:57:50,920
Good heavens. It's gone.
- Gone? - I left it in there.
705
00:57:51,649 --> 00:57:54,038
There must be thieves at this party.
706
00:57:54,449 --> 00:57:58,203
If I'd known that,
I never would have come. Wait!
707
00:57:58,609 --> 00:58:01,726
That professor!
- The Professor! I see!
708
00:58:02,129 --> 00:58:06,884
That's the culprit. We've got to get
that picture away from him.
709
00:58:07,289 --> 00:58:12,841
Might I suggest this?
Very satisfactory in these cases.
710
00:58:13,249 --> 00:58:18,164
A few drops on a handkerchief
and the Professor is out.
711
00:58:18,569 --> 00:58:22,608
You're sure it'll work?
- Absolutely. You want to try some?
712
00:58:23,009 --> 00:58:26,445
No thanks, Hives.
Let's find the Professor.
713
00:58:34,649 --> 00:58:36,719
How did the thieves get away?
And who was it?
714
00:58:37,129 --> 00:58:41,088
Lucky that we switched it.
Imagine them getting the original.
715
00:58:41,489 --> 00:58:43,525
Oh? It would have been okay
had they taken mine?
716
00:58:43,929 --> 00:58:47,319
I didn't mean that.
But what would Mother do?
717
00:58:47,729 --> 00:58:51,517
It's worth $100,000.
How could she have replaced it?
718
00:58:51,929 --> 00:58:54,045
Oh, I understand.
719
00:58:55,409 --> 00:59:02,884
Isn't it exciting? Just think,
the thief was in the room with us.
720
00:59:03,289 --> 00:59:05,564
Isn't it romantic?
721
00:59:08,889 --> 00:59:15,044
All the boys I've known
used to say I was made of stone.
722
00:59:15,449 --> 00:59:21,558
I would always leave them alone
in despair.
723
00:59:21,969 --> 00:59:27,805
I've been on the pan,
I've been called an electric fan,
724
00:59:28,209 --> 00:59:33,727
told I'm even much colder than
Frigidaire.
725
00:59:34,729 --> 00:59:39,280
I began to wonder
if I was all wrong.
726
00:59:39,689 --> 00:59:46,037
I thought so
till you came along.
727
00:59:47,529 --> 00:59:52,523
Tell me, dear,
why am I so romantic?
728
00:59:53,969 --> 00:59:58,804
When you're near,
why am I so romantic?
729
01:00:00,249 --> 01:00:04,959
What a grand feeling,
when your lips meet mine.
730
01:00:05,369 --> 01:00:12,161
That certain something comes
stealing up and down my spine.
731
01:00:12,569 --> 01:00:17,120
I don't know
what it is you've done to me.
732
01:00:18,769 --> 01:00:23,399
You don't know
half of the good you do me.
733
01:00:25,009 --> 01:00:30,481
Other boys bore me,
they just leave me blue.
734
01:00:30,889 --> 01:00:39,081
Oh, why am I so romantic
with you?
735
01:00:41,529 --> 01:00:46,444
Tell me, dear,
why am I so romantic?
736
01:00:47,769 --> 01:00:52,889
When you're near,
why am I so romantic?
737
01:00:54,049 --> 01:00:58,804
What a grand feeling,
when your lips touch mine.
738
01:00:59,209 --> 01:01:05,762
That certain something comes
stealing up and down my spine.
739
01:01:06,529 --> 01:01:11,523
When we touch,
close in your arms you hold me.
740
01:01:12,689 --> 01:01:17,683
I forget all that my mother told me.
741
01:01:18,889 --> 01:01:24,202
Other girls bore me,
they just leave me blue.
742
01:01:24,609 --> 01:01:34,439
But why am I so romantic
with you?
743
01:05:17,729 --> 01:05:21,039
Oh, Signor Ravelli!
I've been looking for you all morning.
744
01:05:21,449 --> 01:05:24,646
I was busy all morning.
- You've got to return that painting.
745
01:05:25,049 --> 01:05:26,607
Painting? What painting?
746
01:05:27,009 --> 01:05:29,569
The painting
you changed last night.
747
01:05:29,969 --> 01:05:31,687
You mean the piksh?
- Yes.
748
01:05:32,089 --> 01:05:36,719
First you want it upstairs,
then downstairs. Make up your mind.
749
01:05:37,129 --> 01:05:41,566
I do thank you. But you've got to
return it before the police come.
750
01:05:41,969 --> 01:05:46,440
The police are coming? - Yes.
- I give it you. You put it back.
751
01:05:52,049 --> 01:05:53,767
Where's the piksh?
- What do you mean?
752
01:05:54,169 --> 01:05:57,605
I put 'em in here. It's gone.
You take 'em? - Me?
753
01:05:58,009 --> 01:06:01,126
No, I know.
Abie the fish peddler.
754
01:06:01,529 --> 01:06:03,360
Did Mother invite a fish peddler here?
755
01:06:03,769 --> 01:06:08,047
I don't know, but he's here.
Come on, we find him.
756
01:06:10,089 --> 01:06:13,718
Good morning. - Good morning,
Mr. Jamison. How is Captain Spaulding?
757
01:06:14,129 --> 01:06:18,725
He didn't sleep a wink.
He went horseback riding last night.
758
01:06:19,129 --> 01:06:22,007
I'm sorry.
We've all been pretty upset.
759
01:06:22,409 --> 01:06:26,448
Good morning, Captain.
Did you enjoy your ride?
760
01:06:28,369 --> 01:06:32,078
What are you looking for?
- I lost my horse.
761
01:06:32,489 --> 01:06:34,878
He slipped out from between me.
762
01:06:35,289 --> 01:06:38,008
I had my feet in the stirrups, too.
763
01:06:38,409 --> 01:06:41,321
Never mind.
But I lost the bit you loaned me.
764
01:06:41,729 --> 01:06:45,563
I'll get you another bit.
- Then I owe you two bits.
765
01:06:45,969 --> 01:06:49,723
I hope you weren't distressed
by last night's sad occurrence.
766
01:06:50,169 --> 01:06:52,399
You mean dinner?
- No, the stolen painting!
767
01:06:52,809 --> 01:06:55,243
A painting was stolen?
I haven't seen one in three weeks.
768
01:06:55,809 --> 01:06:59,165
Why didn't you inform me?
What do I engage you for?
769
01:06:59,569 --> 01:07:02,402
I didn't know it.
- You should have asked me.
770
01:07:02,809 --> 01:07:06,119
I'm sorry. - You're sorry?
You're a contemptible cur!
771
01:07:06,529 --> 01:07:11,364
I repeat. You're a contemptible cur.
If I were a man, you'd resent that.
772
01:07:11,769 --> 01:07:13,600
Please keep quiet!
773
01:07:14,009 --> 01:07:17,240
I can get along without you.
I got along without your father.
774
01:07:17,649 --> 01:07:20,607
And your uncle.
And your uncle. And my uncle.
775
01:07:21,009 --> 01:07:24,160
I didn't come to be exonerated.
- I beg your pardon.
776
01:07:24,569 --> 01:07:29,518
You do, eh? I'd like to see you
crawl out of a rumble seat.
777
01:07:30,529 --> 01:07:33,327
The police are here.
- Have them come in.
778
01:07:33,729 --> 01:07:36,243
Oh, so that's your game.
You can't shut me up!
779
01:07:36,649 --> 01:07:40,278
You can talk to my attorney.
Jamison, take a letter to my lawyers.
780
01:07:40,689 --> 01:07:42,884
I'll show you a thing or two.
Or three.
781
01:07:43,649 --> 01:07:46,038
I'll show you a thing or three.
Sending for the police!
782
01:07:46,449 --> 01:07:49,805
Take a letter to my lawyers.
Sending for the police!
783
01:07:50,209 --> 01:07:53,007
Take a letter to my lawyers.
- I am.
784
01:07:53,409 --> 01:07:56,321
Read me what you have so far.
785
01:07:57,329 --> 01:07:59,559
Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga,
786
01:07:59,969 --> 01:08:02,927
c/ o Hungadunga, Hungadunga,
Hungadunga, Hungadunga & McCormack.
787
01:08:04,809 --> 01:08:06,037
Semicolon.
788
01:08:06,969 --> 01:08:11,884
How do you spell "semicolon"?
- Alright, make it a comma.
789
01:08:12,649 --> 01:08:16,278
Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga,
Hungadunga... & McCormack.
790
01:08:16,689 --> 01:08:19,078
Gentlemen, question mark. Er-r-r!
791
01:08:20,849 --> 01:08:25,320
Do you want "er-r-r" in the letter?
- No, put that in an envelope.
792
01:08:25,729 --> 01:08:27,128
Vow then...
793
01:08:27,529 --> 01:08:31,841
In re yours of the 5 inst,
yours to hand and beg to rep,
794
01:08:32,249 --> 01:08:33,398
brackets,
795
01:08:33,809 --> 01:08:37,199
that we have gone over the ground
carefully and we seem to believe,
796
01:08:37,609 --> 01:08:40,442
i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu,
797
01:08:40,849 --> 01:08:45,479
that despite all our precautionary
measures,
798
01:08:48,169 --> 01:08:51,559
we seem to believe it is hardly
necessary for us to proceed
799
01:08:51,969 --> 01:08:56,724
unless we receive an ipso facto
that is not negligible at this moment.
800
01:08:57,129 --> 01:08:59,689
Quotes, unquotes and quotes.
801
01:09:00,969 --> 01:09:03,767
Hoping this finds you...
- Finds him where?
802
01:09:04,169 --> 01:09:07,525
Let him worry about that.
Don't be so inquisitive.
803
01:09:07,929 --> 01:09:09,408
Sneak!
804
01:09:09,809 --> 01:09:14,087
Hoping this finds you,
I beg to remain...
805
01:09:14,849 --> 01:09:18,922
I'll show you where I get off.
Sending for the police.
806
01:09:19,329 --> 01:09:20,921
Vow read me the letter.
807
01:09:21,329 --> 01:09:23,479
"Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga."
808
01:09:27,569 --> 01:09:28,718
That's it.
809
01:09:29,129 --> 01:09:32,565
"C/ o Hungadunga, Hungadunga,
Hungadunga & McCormack."
810
01:09:32,969 --> 01:09:35,039
You've left out a Hungadunga.
811
01:09:35,449 --> 01:09:37,804
You left out the main one, too.
812
01:09:38,209 --> 01:09:41,281
Thought you could slip one
over on me, didn't you?
813
01:09:41,689 --> 01:09:44,362
Alright, leave it out.
Put in a windshield wiper instead.
814
01:09:44,769 --> 01:09:49,604
I tell you what. Make it three
windshield wipers and one Hungadunga.
815
01:09:50,009 --> 01:09:53,604
They won't all be there
when the letter arrives.
816
01:09:54,369 --> 01:09:55,927
"...and McCormack.
817
01:09:56,329 --> 01:09:59,082
Gentlemen, question mark."
818
01:09:59,489 --> 01:10:01,878
Put it on the penultimate
and not on the dipthonic.
819
01:10:02,289 --> 01:10:06,362
You should brush up on your Greek.
Get a Greek and brush up on him.
820
01:10:06,769 --> 01:10:08,839
"In re yours of the 5 inst."
- I see.
821
01:10:09,249 --> 01:10:14,801
A lot of things you said weren't
important, so I just omitted them.
822
01:10:20,489 --> 01:10:22,844
Oh Captain! Good gracious.
823
01:10:23,649 --> 01:10:28,040
Omitted them, eh? You just omitted
the body of the letter, that's all.
824
01:10:28,609 --> 01:10:30,725
Just left out the body of the letter.
825
01:10:31,129 --> 01:10:35,441
Yours is not to reason why.
You've left out the body.
826
01:10:35,849 --> 01:10:39,637
Alright, send it that way
and tell him the body will follow.
827
01:10:41,329 --> 01:10:42,967
The body in brackets?
828
01:10:43,369 --> 01:10:46,202
No, it'll never get there in brackets.
Put it in a box.
829
01:10:46,609 --> 01:10:50,648
Put it in a box
and mark it 'fragilly'.
830
01:10:51,049 --> 01:10:55,201
Mark it what?
- 'Fragilly! ' F-R-A-G...
831
01:10:55,889 --> 01:10:59,199
Look it up in the dictionary,
under fragile.
832
01:11:00,009 --> 01:11:02,682
Look under the table
if you don't find it there.
833
01:11:03,089 --> 01:11:06,206
"Quotes, unquotes and quotes."
- 3 quotes? - Yes, sir.
834
01:11:06,609 --> 01:11:09,487
Add another and make it a gallon.
835
01:11:09,889 --> 01:11:12,687
Regards.
- That's a fine letter, Jamison.
836
01:11:13,089 --> 01:11:16,843
That's an epic. Make two carbon copies
and throw the original away.
837
01:11:17,249 --> 01:11:22,004
Then throw the copies away.
Just send a stamp. Air mail.
838
01:11:22,409 --> 01:11:27,278
Mrs. Rittenhouse? I'm Inspector
Hennessey. - How do you do?
839
01:11:27,689 --> 01:11:32,285
I'm Captain Scotland of Spaulding
Yard. No Spaulding, Scotland Yard.
840
01:11:32,689 --> 01:11:35,078
Don't make the same mistake again.
- I'm glad to know you.
841
01:11:35,489 --> 01:11:41,121
Between us we can solve this crime.
Especially if you go home.
842
01:11:41,529 --> 01:11:46,683
No hasty arrests, please!
I don't want my guests embarrassed.
843
01:11:47,089 --> 01:11:51,480
We won't arrest anybody.
- He's lucky to not go jail himself.
844
01:11:51,889 --> 01:11:57,043
Would you take the Inspector
and his men to the scene of the crime.
845
01:11:57,449 --> 01:11:59,280
Certainly. This way.
846
01:12:00,049 --> 01:12:01,880
Come on, boys.
847
01:12:06,609 --> 01:12:09,203
Jamison, count the spoons.
848
01:12:09,609 --> 01:12:13,841
I didn't know you'd been a detective.
- There's a lot you don't know.
849
01:12:14,249 --> 01:12:19,846
I suppose so. - Darn right!
Where were you on June 5, 1774?
850
01:12:20,249 --> 01:12:23,002
I don't know.
- Where was I?
851
01:12:23,409 --> 01:12:27,925
I don't know. - Me neither.
If I did, I wouldn't tell you.
852
01:12:28,329 --> 01:12:30,206
Take a number from 1 to 10.
- Alright.
853
01:12:30,609 --> 01:12:33,760
Which one? - 7.
- That's right. 7 is right.
854
01:12:34,169 --> 01:12:39,197
I could solve this in 5 minutes
if I wanted to worry.
855
01:12:39,609 --> 01:12:44,160
I don't want you to worry. Nothing
should interfere with your weekend.
856
01:12:44,569 --> 01:12:47,800
Nothing interferes with my weak end.
And don't be so personal!
857
01:12:48,209 --> 01:12:53,158
Where's my secretary? Jamison!
- I didn't want to offend you.
858
01:12:53,569 --> 01:12:58,324
Dastardly cracker! I wish I was
in the jungle where men are monkeys.
859
01:12:58,729 --> 01:13:02,438
Captain, I'm so sorry.
- Jamison! No, no.
860
01:13:04,489 --> 01:13:06,957
Good morning, Mrs. Rittenhouse!
- Good morning.
861
01:13:07,369 --> 01:13:10,805
Charming party. I wouldn't have
missed it for the world.
862
01:13:11,209 --> 01:13:16,920
It's just full of surprises.
- Glad you're enjoying yourself.
863
01:13:18,329 --> 01:13:20,206
Hives!
864
01:13:21,089 --> 01:13:24,968
Good morning. Some breakfast?
- Nothing doing. Where's the painting?
865
01:13:25,369 --> 01:13:29,647
I watched all night, but the Professor
did not sleep in his room.
866
01:13:30,049 --> 01:13:33,439
Very strange.
- Good heavens. What will we do?
867
01:13:33,849 --> 01:13:37,967
I don't know.
Until we see the Professor...
868
01:14:10,689 --> 01:14:13,408
You keep an eye on him
till I get back with the bottle.
869
01:14:13,809 --> 01:14:17,358
Don't worry,
he'll not get away from me this time.
870
01:14:27,049 --> 01:14:30,598
Did you get it? - Yes.
- I'll engage him in conversation.
871
01:14:31,009 --> 01:14:35,560
You trail behind and knock him out
when the time comes.
872
01:14:35,969 --> 01:14:38,039
Very good, madam.
873
01:14:41,449 --> 01:14:44,725
Hello. I've been looking all over
for you! Where were you?
874
01:14:45,129 --> 01:14:46,847
What's the matter with this?
875
01:14:47,249 --> 01:14:48,967
Are they the morning papers?
876
01:14:49,369 --> 01:14:53,601
No, that isn't the one I want.
Show me the others.
877
01:14:54,609 --> 01:14:57,043
That still isn't the one.
878
01:15:00,729 --> 01:15:01,798
Out!
879
01:15:03,289 --> 01:15:04,517
Yes, out!
880
01:15:04,929 --> 01:15:08,604
The birds... Come on, sit down.
I want to talk.
881
01:15:13,249 --> 01:15:15,080
Don't you like me?
882
01:15:15,489 --> 01:15:16,638
You don't?
883
01:15:17,049 --> 01:15:20,962
Well, I like you.
I like little boys like you.
884
01:15:21,969 --> 01:15:24,358
How old are you?
885
01:15:25,369 --> 01:15:28,441
Five years old?
You're just a baby.
886
01:15:36,369 --> 01:15:39,122
Oh, isn't that nice? I like that.
887
01:15:40,009 --> 01:15:41,681
No, no, no.
888
01:15:42,449 --> 01:15:46,362
All joking aside,
isn't there someone you do like?
889
01:15:46,769 --> 01:15:49,522
Isn't there someone you love?
890
01:15:49,929 --> 01:15:54,525
Think again. Isn't there someone
you really and truly love?
891
01:15:54,929 --> 01:15:56,647
Is there?
892
01:15:57,049 --> 01:15:59,244
Tell me who!
893
01:16:03,929 --> 01:16:07,160
Why, that's a horse!
You love a horse?
894
01:16:14,409 --> 01:16:16,639
Come on, lift him up.
895
01:16:21,169 --> 01:16:24,445
Come on. He's out.
- Let's go.
896
01:16:57,769 --> 01:17:01,967
Arabella! - I've been trying to find
you. Ravelli has lost the painting.
897
01:17:02,369 --> 01:17:05,008
I just found one on the terrace.
898
01:17:05,409 --> 01:17:08,287
The Beaugard?
- No - Oh, yours?
899
01:17:11,089 --> 01:17:14,286
If it's not yours,
and not the Beaugard, whose is it?
900
01:17:15,169 --> 01:17:18,445
Someone switched it for mine,
901
01:17:18,849 --> 01:17:20,805
thinking they got the original.
902
01:17:21,209 --> 01:17:24,645
Somebody swiped my scheme, eh?
903
01:17:25,049 --> 01:17:27,643
Then Chandler never saw
your painting? - No
904
01:17:28,049 --> 01:17:32,167
You may still be a great artist.
Where is this picture?
905
01:17:32,569 --> 01:17:35,766
Up in my room.
- You get it and I'll get the Captain.
906
01:17:36,169 --> 01:17:39,241
He'll get to the bottom of this.
907
01:17:49,689 --> 01:17:53,728
Then John found the third painting.
- Very interesting. Well, sort of.
908
01:17:54,129 --> 01:17:58,919
We have to keep our eyes open. - If I
don't find it, Mother's out $100,000.
909
01:17:59,329 --> 01:18:02,526
Give me 24 hours for the case.
Then we'll call in someone else.
910
01:18:02,929 --> 01:18:04,920
Wait till tomorrow.
911
01:18:05,329 --> 01:18:09,447
Remember the Charlie Ross case?
I was on that, and he was never found.
912
01:18:09,849 --> 01:18:14,479
Captain Yard of Scotland Spaulding
always gets his women, or paintings.
913
01:18:14,889 --> 01:18:18,199
Do you know what's happened
with the painting I found?
914
01:18:18,609 --> 01:18:20,247
It's been stolen from my room.
915
01:18:20,649 --> 01:18:24,358
You see! I've been on the case
five minutes and another one is gone.
916
01:18:24,769 --> 01:18:29,399
I bet it's not even three minutes.
My watch is gone. This is too much.
917
01:18:29,809 --> 01:18:31,481
It wasn't going, and now it's gone.
918
01:18:31,889 --> 01:18:35,643
And my room was locked.
- Who could it have been?
919
01:18:36,049 --> 01:18:39,678
Wait. I think I've got a clue.
No, it's a red hair.
920
01:18:40,169 --> 01:18:43,320
The Professor? No, it couldn't be.
921
01:18:43,729 --> 01:18:49,679
He's Crook of the Month this month.
Anyhow, we'll investigate it.
922
01:18:51,609 --> 01:18:53,440
You know Conductor Hennessey?
- Inspector!
923
01:18:53,849 --> 01:18:57,478
Inspect her yourself. You know
that redheaded fellow? - Yes.
924
01:18:57,889 --> 01:19:01,359
Well, get those
flagpole sitters of yours to find him.
925
01:19:01,769 --> 01:19:03,521
Come on, boys.
926
01:19:04,489 --> 01:19:08,084
We'll soon get to the bottom of this.
927
01:19:08,489 --> 01:19:11,242
Hey, what's that cop doing there?
928
01:19:12,169 --> 01:19:15,844
It didn't take that long to find him.
- This is it!
929
01:19:16,249 --> 01:19:20,561
Yes, but which one is it?
- The one just taken from my room.
930
01:19:20,969 --> 01:19:25,326
Maybe my watch is back, too.
Vow the fob is gone!
931
01:19:26,249 --> 01:19:28,205
Well, I still got the pocket.
932
01:19:28,609 --> 01:19:32,238
Anything I retain now is velvet.
Except the coat. That's Prince Albert.
933
01:19:32,649 --> 01:19:35,447
Well, all the jokes can't be good.
934
01:19:36,329 --> 01:19:40,561
If we find the fella who painted this,
it'd be a pretty good clue. - What?
935
01:19:40,969 --> 01:19:44,518
If we find the fella who painted this,
it'd be a pretty good clue.
936
01:19:44,929 --> 01:19:49,400
You just said that.
How dull you turned out to be!
937
01:19:49,809 --> 01:19:52,039
Let me see that a minute.
938
01:19:52,449 --> 01:19:54,679
It's signed "Beaugard".
There's the criminal.
939
01:19:55,089 --> 01:19:56,647
No Beaugard is dead.
940
01:19:57,049 --> 01:20:00,041
Dead? Then it's murder!
Vow we've got something.
941
01:20:00,449 --> 01:20:02,360
What do you got?
- Jacks and aces. And you?
942
01:20:02,769 --> 01:20:07,081
Good. I was bluffing. - Does something
strike you funny about this picture?
943
01:20:09,089 --> 01:20:13,128
It isn't as funny as all that.
Did you ever see a tree like that?
944
01:20:13,529 --> 01:20:18,080
Tree? That's a spinach.
- It can't be. Where's the egg?
945
01:20:18,489 --> 01:20:20,764
It could be spinach.
Look at all the sand.
946
01:20:21,169 --> 01:20:24,286
You mean it's an old Spinach custom?
No, it's not that.
947
01:20:24,689 --> 01:20:27,965
No That's my mistake.
You know what it is? Coleslaw.
948
01:20:28,369 --> 01:20:29,768
Coleslaw?
- Yeah.
949
01:20:30,169 --> 01:20:33,286
Did you ever see a coleslaw like that?
- Sure, look at this.
950
01:20:33,689 --> 01:20:38,160
I don't want any of your lip now.
Did you ever see anything like that?
951
01:20:38,569 --> 01:20:40,719
You know what this is?
A left-handed painting.
952
01:20:41,129 --> 01:20:43,199
There's a signature.
- That's right.
953
01:20:43,609 --> 01:20:46,248
This is either a left-handed painting
or a vegetable dinner.
954
01:20:46,649 --> 01:20:50,483
If we can find the left-handed person,
we'll have "The Trial of Mary Dugan".
955
01:20:50,889 --> 01:20:54,598
I saw that. Goodbye.
- Wait. I'm going to need you.
956
01:20:55,009 --> 01:20:56,761
We mustn't lose this evidence.
957
01:20:57,169 --> 01:20:59,683
Take it to your room
and leave the door open this time.
958
01:21:00,089 --> 01:21:04,241
And not a word about this to anybody.
Not even to me.
959
01:21:04,649 --> 01:21:08,244
Ravelli, we've got to find
the left-handed painting.
960
01:21:08,649 --> 01:21:11,288
The first thing to do
is to find the motive.
961
01:21:11,689 --> 01:21:13,884
What was the motive
of the Beaugard crooks?
962
01:21:15,569 --> 01:21:17,366
I got it. Robbery!
963
01:21:18,249 --> 01:21:21,366
Would you mind
crossing the street when it's red?
964
01:21:21,769 --> 01:21:23,327
Si, Capt'. Sit down.
965
01:21:23,729 --> 01:21:25,924
I know how we find this painting.
966
01:21:26,409 --> 01:21:29,367
In such a mysterious case,
you gotta get the clues.
967
01:21:29,769 --> 01:21:32,966
You gotta use the Sherlock Holmes
method. It goes like this:
968
01:21:33,369 --> 01:21:38,079
You say, "What happened?"
The answer: "Something was stolen."
969
01:21:38,489 --> 01:21:44,359
You say, "What was stolen?"
The answer come back: "A painting."
970
01:21:46,209 --> 01:21:48,245
Are you a ventriloquist?
971
01:21:48,649 --> 01:21:54,565
Vow you say, "Where was this painting
stolen?" The answer: "In this house."
972
01:21:54,969 --> 01:21:56,641
Vow, so far I'm right?
973
01:21:57,049 --> 01:22:00,519
It's pretty hard to be wrong
if you keep answering yourself.
974
01:22:00,929 --> 01:22:03,727
You go a little further and say,
"Who stole the painting?"
975
01:22:04,129 --> 01:22:08,964
A very important question. When you
answer it, you got the whole solution.
976
01:22:09,369 --> 01:22:11,439
Especially if you find the picture.
977
01:22:11,849 --> 01:22:15,637
Vow put all the clues together
and what do ya got? - Bread pudding.
978
01:22:16,049 --> 01:22:21,726
No Something was stolen. Where?
In this house. By who? Somebody here.
979
01:22:22,129 --> 01:22:26,680
Vow all you gotta do is ask
everyone in the house if they took it.
980
01:22:27,089 --> 01:22:30,525
I could rent you out
as a decoy for duck hunters.
981
01:22:30,929 --> 01:22:33,807
You're going to ask everyone here
if they took the painting?
982
01:22:34,209 --> 01:22:37,246
And suppose no one here took it?
- Go next door.
983
01:22:37,649 --> 01:22:40,561
Great.
Suppose there is no house next door?
984
01:22:40,969 --> 01:22:43,563
Well, then we gotta build one.
985
01:22:43,969 --> 01:22:46,847
Vow you're talking.
What kind of house should we build?
986
01:22:47,249 --> 01:22:51,800
My idea of a house is something
nice and small and comfortable.
987
01:22:52,209 --> 01:22:54,086
Exactly, nothing elaborate.
988
01:22:54,489 --> 01:22:57,879
A little place to call home and tell
the wife I'm not coming for dinner.
989
01:22:58,289 --> 01:23:00,280
I see. You want a telephone booth.
990
01:23:00,689 --> 01:23:03,647
No, in that case
I'd just call Chic Sale.
991
01:23:04,049 --> 01:23:07,166
What do ya say
we build right about here?
992
01:23:07,569 --> 01:23:11,244
Here? - Yeah, here.
- I'd like it over here if possible.
993
01:23:11,649 --> 01:23:14,561
I don't like junior crossing the rails
on his way to reform school.
994
01:23:14,969 --> 01:23:16,687
Actually I don't like junior at all.
995
01:23:17,089 --> 01:23:22,721
Alright. We got something over there,
and believe me, that's convenient.
996
01:23:23,129 --> 01:23:26,917
You just open the door, step outside,
and there you are.
997
01:23:27,329 --> 01:23:30,241
There you are? Where?
- Outside.
998
01:23:31,529 --> 01:23:34,441
If you want to get back in again?
- You had no right to go out.
999
01:23:34,849 --> 01:23:37,682
Don't do anything
until I hear from you, will you?
1000
01:23:38,089 --> 01:23:41,923
Maybe the painting is in the cellar!
- That's no cellar, that's the roof.
1001
01:23:42,329 --> 01:23:47,483
Down there? - Yeah, so the chimney
don't get wet when it rains.
1002
01:23:48,289 --> 01:23:51,565
I'm off to get x-rayed.
I'll be back in a little while.
1003
01:23:51,969 --> 01:23:56,804
I think you're wrong, Ravelli.
- Don't get excited.
1004
01:23:57,529 --> 01:23:59,918
Here's the rooms.
1005
01:24:00,329 --> 01:24:04,117
This is your room. This is mine.
And this is the maid's room.
1006
01:24:04,529 --> 01:24:07,043
I'd have to go through your room?
1007
01:24:09,369 --> 01:24:12,042
That's alright, I won't be in it.
1008
01:24:12,449 --> 01:24:17,648
You couldn't put the maid in your
room? - Who says I couldn't?
1009
01:24:18,049 --> 01:24:20,768
There's going to be a lot of traffic.
I can see that.
1010
01:24:21,169 --> 01:24:24,684
Well, what do ya say?
You ready to sign the lease?
1011
01:24:25,089 --> 01:24:29,002
I'd like to talk to my husband first.
Could you come back later?
1012
01:24:29,409 --> 01:24:31,969
You married?
- I've got a girl as big as you are.
1013
01:24:32,369 --> 01:24:35,566
Alright. Get me one.
- Don't get vulgar, Ravelli.
1014
01:24:35,969 --> 01:24:37,527
How about the painting?
1015
01:24:37,929 --> 01:24:40,397
We take care of that.
I'll tell you my idea.
1016
01:24:40,809 --> 01:24:43,767
The kitchen should be white.
Outside, green. Inside, cerise.
1017
01:24:44,169 --> 01:24:45,887
The painting, I say!
1018
01:24:46,289 --> 01:24:49,645
What you think I talk?
Painting the kitchen white...
1019
01:24:50,049 --> 01:24:52,802
The painting that was stolen!
- Stolen?
1020
01:24:53,209 --> 01:24:59,284
Don't you remember? Mrs. Rittenhouse
lost a painting worth $100,000.
1021
01:24:59,689 --> 01:25:01,645
No, I'm a stranger here.
1022
01:25:02,049 --> 01:25:04,279
What do you think I am?
One of the early settlers?
1023
01:25:04,689 --> 01:25:10,878
Don't you remember Mrs. Beaugard
lost a Rittenhouse oil painting?
1024
01:25:11,289 --> 01:25:14,918
No, but I've seen you
someplace before.
1025
01:25:15,689 --> 01:25:18,328
Yeah, I was there.
But I'll stay away in the future.
1026
01:25:18,729 --> 01:25:20,959
Hey, Capt!
It come to me like a flash!
1027
01:25:21,369 --> 01:25:26,443
This painting wasn't stolen.
It has disappeared.
1028
01:25:26,849 --> 01:25:32,481
Yes, disappeared. And you know
what make it disappear?
1029
01:25:32,889 --> 01:25:36,882
Moths! Moths eat it!
Left-handed moths!
1030
01:25:40,769 --> 01:25:43,522
Go away.
I'll be alright in a minute.
1031
01:25:43,929 --> 01:25:47,126
Left-handed moths ate it?
- That's my own solution.
1032
01:25:47,529 --> 01:25:51,078
I wish you were in it.
Left-handed moths!
1033
01:25:51,689 --> 01:25:54,840
I'd buy you a parachute
if I thought it wouldn't open.
1034
01:25:55,249 --> 01:26:00,084
Hey, I got pair of shoes.
He's crazy.
1035
01:26:00,489 --> 01:26:04,118
Let's go and get the reward.
We solved it. You solved it.
1036
01:26:04,529 --> 01:26:07,726
It was eaten by left-handed moths.
- We did good work.
1037
01:26:08,129 --> 01:26:11,121
Are you tired?
Lie down for a couple of years.
1038
01:26:11,529 --> 01:26:14,839
Lie down until rigor mortis sets in.
1039
01:26:15,249 --> 01:26:19,242
I know what we'll do. Go to court
to get a writ of habeas corpus.
1040
01:26:19,649 --> 01:26:21,321
To get rid of what?
1041
01:26:21,729 --> 01:26:24,197
I never should have started that way.
1042
01:26:24,609 --> 01:26:27,681
I say, we'll go to court
to get a writ of habeas corpus.
1043
01:26:28,089 --> 01:26:30,922
Yes, corpus.
- Didn't you ever see a habeas corpus?
1044
01:26:31,329 --> 01:26:33,797
No, but I see "Habeas Irish Rose".
1045
01:26:38,769 --> 01:26:40,725
Good morning.
- Good morning.
1046
01:26:42,129 --> 01:26:46,680
Why don't you go to the beach
with the others? You'd feel better.
1047
01:26:47,089 --> 01:26:49,364
I'd feel better with my Beaugard.
1048
01:26:49,769 --> 01:26:51,760
We're doing everything we can.
1049
01:26:52,169 --> 01:26:54,888
Mrs. Rittenhouse! I have it!
- The Beaugard!
1050
01:26:55,289 --> 01:26:57,041
Wonderful! My Beaugard!
1051
01:26:57,449 --> 01:27:01,044
Wait. This is a rank imitation.
Where did you find it?
1052
01:27:01,449 --> 01:27:05,283
In Mr. Parker's room, madam.
- Parker?
1053
01:27:05,689 --> 01:27:08,840
One thing is certain. Whoever did this
also stole the Beaugard.
1054
01:27:09,249 --> 01:27:11,922
Hives, ask Mr. Parker to come here.
1055
01:27:12,329 --> 01:27:15,446
Wait. My men will bring him in.
Get Mr. Parker.
1056
01:27:15,849 --> 01:27:22,448
What's wrong with this? - It's obvious
that it's a rank imitation.
1057
01:27:43,729 --> 01:27:45,924
Mother, what's wrong?
1058
01:27:47,449 --> 01:27:51,328
Something very strange has occurred
and only you can explain it.
1059
01:27:51,729 --> 01:27:53,003
Gladly.
1060
01:27:53,409 --> 01:27:58,199
We found this in your room.
What have you done with the original?
1061
01:27:58,609 --> 01:28:00,361
Come clean!
- I think it would be wise...
1062
01:28:00,769 --> 01:28:03,329
I don't know where the Beaugard is.
1063
01:28:03,729 --> 01:28:06,641
Why did we find this in your room?
You'd better come with me.
1064
01:28:07,049 --> 01:28:09,244
You can't take him.
1065
01:28:31,609 --> 01:28:35,443
This program is coming to you
from the House of David
1066
01:28:40,569 --> 01:28:44,005
Either this suit is on upside-down
or there is no law of gravity.
1067
01:28:44,409 --> 01:28:46,365
Einstein or no Einstein.
- My tie!
1068
01:28:46,769 --> 01:28:49,761
Captain, what shall I do?
They're going to arrest John.
1069
01:28:50,169 --> 01:28:51,284
Who?
- I am!
1070
01:28:51,689 --> 01:28:55,523
In Scotland Yard they teach you
never to arrest an innocent man.
1071
01:28:55,929 --> 01:28:58,648
He's not innocent.
I'll have to arrest him.
1072
01:28:59,049 --> 01:29:01,279
Of course, or nobody's safe here.
1073
01:29:01,689 --> 01:29:06,046
You can't arrest him. I stole it.
- Don't listen to her. I did it.
1074
01:29:06,449 --> 01:29:11,569
They're both lying. I did it.
- He's crazy. I confess. I did it.
1075
01:29:11,969 --> 01:29:16,565
Maybe there was no painting.
- That's right. I saw it.
1076
01:29:16,969 --> 01:29:18,960
Stop this! Who stole the painting?
1077
01:29:19,369 --> 01:29:21,929
I did!
- Good gracious.
1078
01:29:23,569 --> 01:29:26,641
You? You took the picture?
Where is it?
1079
01:29:27,489 --> 01:29:29,286
Aw, that's a horse.
1080
01:29:31,449 --> 01:29:35,920
That is my Beaugard!
- No, that isn't your Beaugard.
1081
01:29:36,329 --> 01:29:39,765
Ridiculous. I paid $100,000 for this.
I know what I bought.
1082
01:29:40,169 --> 01:29:42,285
Look at the signature.
1083
01:29:42,689 --> 01:29:45,726
John Parker. Somebody changed it.
1084
01:29:51,969 --> 01:29:55,882
That is my Beaugard!
That's it, I tell you.
1085
01:29:56,649 --> 01:30:01,359
But that one has the color,
the depth, the soul of the Beaugard.
1086
01:30:01,769 --> 01:30:05,603
Only a master could have
produced a painting like that.
1087
01:30:06,009 --> 01:30:09,968
You mean, you painted it?
- Yes, sir. - You're a genius.
1088
01:30:10,369 --> 01:30:13,805
I commission you
to paint a portrait of me immediately.
1089
01:30:14,209 --> 01:30:18,999
It'll have to wait until tomorrow.
I'm going to be busy all day. - Yes.
1090
01:30:20,689 --> 01:30:23,362
You come with me.
- Don't take him away, officer.
1091
01:30:23,769 --> 01:30:26,602
He returned the paintings.
1092
01:30:27,009 --> 01:30:29,079
My name is Spaulding.
I've always wanted to meet you.
1093
01:30:29,489 --> 01:30:33,198
Alright. Just this time.
But I want to tell you something.
1094
01:30:33,609 --> 01:30:38,319
You're running around with the wrong
people. You wanna be a crook?
1095
01:30:39,529 --> 01:30:41,724
Why don't you go home?
- He's got no home.
1096
01:30:42,129 --> 01:30:45,439
Go home and stay home.
1097
01:30:45,849 --> 01:30:47,805
Your poor old mother sits there...
1098
01:30:53,609 --> 01:30:55,679
...sits there, night after...
1099
01:30:56,089 --> 01:30:57,807
night after night...
1100
01:30:58,769 --> 01:31:02,648
waiting to hear your steps on the
stairs. - Ain't got no stairs.
1101
01:31:03,049 --> 01:31:06,928
And I can see a little light
burns in the window.
1102
01:31:07,329 --> 01:31:09,763
No you can't!
The gas company turned it off.
1103
01:31:10,169 --> 01:31:12,922
What I'm telling you
is for your own good.
1104
01:31:14,249 --> 01:31:16,160
And if you listen to me,
1105
01:31:17,129 --> 01:31:19,768
you can't go wrong.
1106
01:31:23,169 --> 01:31:26,161
This may go on for years.
- There's just one thing...
1107
01:31:30,569 --> 01:31:32,799
What's delaying that coffee pot?
1108
01:31:34,289 --> 01:31:38,567
Where's the cream?
- You certainly surprised me.
1109
01:31:38,969 --> 01:31:42,325
Me too. I thought he had more.
- No use giving you any advice.
1110
01:31:42,729 --> 01:31:47,200
Captain, this time I'm afraid
I'll have to take him. Come on.
1111
01:31:47,609 --> 01:31:50,601
Oh, what are you doing? My dear!
1112
01:31:54,249 --> 01:31:57,161
What's the idea?
- Take a letter to my lawyers.
1113
01:31:58,569 --> 01:32:03,563
Oh no, don't! Anything but...
That I've got to go! So young!
1114
01:32:10,729 --> 01:32:15,598
Good. Let's get out of here
before they all wake up. Hurry up.
95124
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