Original subtitles

[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]

FLOYD?

[ KNOCKING CONTINUES ]

FLOYD, THAT YOU?

DIDN'T YOU CALL ME OVER HERE?

GET IN HERE, FLOYD.

GET IN! ‐WHAT THE ‐‐ WHAT?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

‐LOOK, FLOYD. ‐LOOK AT WHAT?

DON'T, FLOYD, DON'T!

WHAT?

NOT NOW!

WELL, WHEN CAN I LOOK?

AIN'T YOUR MAMA EVER TAUGHT YOU

HOW TO BE SLICK ON THE SLY AND BE INCOGNEGRO?

NO, MY MAMA AIN'T NEVER TOLD ME HOW TO BE SLICK ON THE SLY

AND BE INCOGNEGRO.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

‐FLOYD? ‐WHAT?

THERE'S A CAR BEEN PARKED

ACROSS THE STREET FOR TWO DAYS NOW.

SO WHAT? THERE'S A CAR ACROSS THERE. AND?

THAT AIN'T NO GOOD SIGN THERE, FLOYD.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT'S A HEARSE!

WHAT?!

IT'S A HEARSE.

GET OUT ‐‐ OUT THE DAMN WINDOW!

STOP DOING THAT!

YEAH, IT'S A HEARSE ALL RIGHT.

THAT AIN'T A GOOD SIGN.

LOOK AT IT. ‐I DID.

WHAT IS IT DOING THERE?

WAITING FOR YOU.

IT AIN'T A GOOD SIGN, FLOYD.

I FEEL IT. I KNOW THINGS.

I SEE THINGS LIKE THIS.

LOOK. WHAT? WHY IS IT NOT A GOOD SIGN?

'CAUSE THERE WERE ONE...

PARKED ACROSS THE STREET AT MISS SYLVIA'S HOUSE...

UH‐HUH.

AND THAT WOMAN WAS DEAD THREE WEEKS LATER.

MISS SYLVIA GOT HIT BY A BUS.

THAT'S 'CAUSE SHE COULDN'T SEE AROUND THAT DAMN HEARSE, FLOYD!

SHE AIN'T EVEN SEE THE BUS COMING, FLOYD.

SLAP!

IT FLATTENED HER.

I AIN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS ‐‐ IT WAS MISS SYLVIA.

YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FUNERAL. THEY HAD THREE CASKETS FOR HER.

LOOK, WHY YOU SAYING THAT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.

MR. JONES ACTUALLY WORKS FOR THE FUNERAL HOME NOW.

OKAY? SO IT WOULD BE A BAD SIGN

IF HE DIDN'T WORK THERE.

DAMN!

HE DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE.

SO THIS IS A BAD SIGN, FLOYD.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

HE DON'T? ‐NO.

HE MOVED.

MOVED WHERE?

TO HELL.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE YOU'RE GOING

WITH YOUR SUPERSTITIOUS SELF.

YOU GO TO HELL, THAT WILL BE A GOOD SIGN.

GET YOU!

FLOYD, NOW AIN'T A GOOD TIME TO DO THINGS LIKE THAT.

I KNOW IT'S BAD.

FLOYD, I'M TELLING YOU. SO ‐‐ SO WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEM CURLS UPSIDE YOUR HEAD!

OKAY, LOOK. I ASKED THE WIDOW WHO THE HEARSE BELONGED TO.

A‐AND WHAT THEY SAID?

SHE AIN'T KNOW WHO IT BELONG TO.

OH, HELL. YEAH.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

HAVE WHAT?

THIS...

IS HOW THE LIFE

OF HATTIE MAE ENDS.

I CAN'T WAIT...

TO READ THE END OF THAT STORY.

HATTIE MAE LOVE...

DIED...

A BEAUTIFUL, SEXY...

SENILE.

STALLION.

MULE.

AND LEAVES BEHIND A FAMILY OF LOVING ‐‐

HATING.

INDIVIDUALS.

ONE PERSON.

THAT LOVED HER DEARLY.

YEAH, RIGHT.

YOU AIN'T WRITING THIS DOWN?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THIS HERE MY OBIT‐ARY!

WHAT?!

I WON'T LINDA WRITE NOTHING DOWN FOR ME!

YOU CAN'T 'PEND ON HER FOR NOTHING.

YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I'LL WRITE IT DOWN MY DAMN SELF.

HATTIE, HATTIE! STOP IT.

YOU ARE NOT DYING.

HOW YOU KNOW, FLOYD?

UNFORTUNATELY, I DO KNOW.

THEY SAY THAT EVIL LASTS FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

FLOYD, DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.

[ CHUCKLES ] WAIT...

THE DEVIL GETTING SENSITIVE?

I AM.

MNH‐MNH. NO.

I AM, FLOYD. PLEASE DON'T MAKE THAT FACE.

I AIN'T DOING THIS WITH YOU TODAY.

JUST STOP IT, STOP. FLOYD.

FLOYD, REMEMBER ME WHEN I DIE.

WHAT IS THERE TO REMEMBER?

ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD.

GOOD TIMES?

YEAH.

ALL THE TIMES I MADE YOU LAUGH.

YOU MEAN MADE ME CRY?

YEAH, THAT, TOO, FLOYD.

HATTIE, BYE.

HEY, FLOYD! FLOYD...

REMEMBER ME AND MY FAMILY‐Y‐Y.

ONLY PEOPLE GONNA REMEMBER YOU IS THE ♪♪ IRS ♪♪

DON'T SAY THAT NO DAMN MORE.

OH, TOOK YOU ALL OUT YOUR PRAISE.

WAIT.

FLOYD?

HMM?

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER ME WHEN I'M DEAD?

YEAH. ALL THE PEOPLE THAT YOU WERE MEAN AND HATEFUL TO,

ALL YOUR LIFE.

BUT I WASN'T MEAN AND HATEFUL TO ANYBODY!

HATTIE. I WASN'T, FLOYD!

OKAY, OKAY.

FLOYD...

I'M GONNA MAKE SURE

EVERYBODY REMEMBER ME WHEN I'M DEAD.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING READY TO DO?

YOU'LL SEE. HATTIE.

YOU'LL SEE, FLOYD.

DON'T DO NOTHING STUPID.

WHAT YOU MEAN BY DON'T DO NOTHING STUPID?

LIKE DON'T ACT LIKE...HATTIE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, FLOYD?

I'M GONNA STAY AT HOME,

AND I'M GONNA WRITE HATTIE MAE MEMOROYS [Memoirs]

YOU SAY WHAT ABOUT YOUR HEMORRHOIDS?

I SAID I'M GONNA WRITE HATTIE MAE MEMOROYS [Memoirs]

MEMOIRS!

THAT'S IT.

I'M GONNA STAY HERE ALL WEEKEND,

AND I'M GONNA WRITE DOWN HATTIE MAE "MEMOROYS".

THE LIFE OF HATTIE MAE AND ALL HER THINGS.

AND I'M GONNA TELL EVERYBODY. THAT WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

‐HATTIE, YOU AIN'T GOT NO STORY. ‐YES, THE HELL I DO, TOO!

DON'T NOBODY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ALL YOUR YEARS IN THE CIRCUS.

YEAH.

THOSE WERE MY GLORY YEARS, FLOYD.

THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN.

AND I'M GONNA TELL THE WORLD.

FINE. DO IT. DO WHAT YOU SAID.

I WILL, I WILL. GO RIGHT AHEAD.

‐I SURE AM. ‐ALL RIGHT.

THE LIFE...

AND THE MEMOROYS

AND ALL THE THINGS OF HATTIE MAE LOVE.

5'11"...

LONG BROWN HAIR.

36‐22‐36.

WITH A SMOOTH, DAINTY SWOO...

THE SEXY, THE ONE AND ONLY...

HATTIE MAE LOVE.

A FICTION.

WHAT THE HELL?

I KNOW SHE DIDN'T WRITE ABOUT MY RASH.

MIKE, YOU GOT A RASH, TOO?

ALLEGEDLY.

YOURS IS SHAPED LIKE THE STATE OF TEXAS?!

MIKE, SHOW ME YOUR TATTOO OF HATTIE'S NAME ON YOU.

HEY, MAN, I HAD TO DO WHAT I HAD TO DO TO GET THE JOB.

THE GARDEN'S REAL.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY COULD PUT A TATTOO THERE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

IT SAYS HERE, "BECAUSE OF THE SIZE...

...THEY COULD ONLY GET H‐A."

HA!

EVERY TIME YOU PULL IT OUT, I GUESS YOU SAY, "HA!"

BABY.

I KNOW.

OH. OH. OH.

OOH! I KNOW.

OOH.OOH.

‐OH, MAMA. ‐OOH.

OH, MAMA.

OOH.

BABY?

YEAH, I KNOW.

LET'S TALK ABOUT PAGE 96.

NOW... [ CHUCKLES UNEASILY ]

‐YOU SAID... ‐NO, NO, NO. BABY, BABY.

BABY, THAT WAS ‐‐ THAT WAS BEFORE YOU.

IT WAS BEFORE, IN MY OTHER LIFE.

BEFORE THIS LIFE.

BUT, BABY...

YOU SAID I WAS THE FIRST ONE.

AND YOU WERE.

BECAUSE THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME...

I DID IT WITH YOU.

BABY, I THINK SOME TIME AWAY ‐‐

YOU KNOW WHAT, BABY? [ LAUGHS ]

I'M ‐‐ YOU ‐‐ WE READ ENOUGH.

YOU DON'T NEED TO READ ANY MORE.

YOUR MAMA WAS TALKING ABOUT US.

I KNOW.

SHE EVEN HAS ILLUSTRATIONS.

THEY'RE REALLY SMALL, BUT...

IS THAT ME?!

I SAID THEY REALLY SMALL.

THAT'S IRONIC. MINE'S THE ONLY ONE IN COLOR.

WHAT A SECOND!

AM I...

AM I THE LONELY SPINSTER?

OH, HELL NO!

[ LAUGHS ]

I MEAN, HELL NO!

'CAUSE I GOT MENSES.

MANY MENSES.

ALL MY HOS.

MIKE HAS A RASH THE SHAPE OF TEXAS?

WAIT. AM I THE WHORE WHO STOLE HER GRANDSON?

THAT WOULD BE YOU, BABY.

THEN YOU MUST BE THE GRANDSON

WHO SHE DIDN'T THINK WAS INTO WHORES.

‐WHAT? ‐MM‐HMM.

LET ME SEE THAT!

PAGE 156.

I'M GONNA KILL GRANDMA!

YOU'RE NOT A WHORE, BABY.

I'M INTO WHORES.

HMM?

MIKE, YOU MIGHT NEED TO GET TESTED.

HEY, 122.

HEY, 14, 15, 16, 17, 22, AND 44.

‐WE HAVE A PROBLEM. ‐I'LL SAY.

‐OH, SO YOU'VE READ IT, TOO. ‐OH, HELL, WE ALL READ IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HER!

BELIEVE IT, SON. BELIEVE IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO HER.

‐I DO. ‐HMM, YEAH, THE DEVIL.

I WAS GONNA SAY SAM.

SAME THING.

WHAT?!

OH, DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T COME ACROSS 187.

CAME ACROSS A LOT OF THINGS.

LOOK, I MEAN, WE ALWAYS JOKED ABOUT IT AND EVERYTHING,

BUT I NEVER BELIEVED IT TO BE TRUE.

IT'S NOT TRUE!

THIS IS ALL FICTION!

NO, IT'S NOT.

YEAH, WELL, IF WHAT SHE WROTE ABOUT ME IS TRUE,

THEN WHAT SHE WROTE ABOUT YOU IS TRUE!

WELL, IT'S FICTION!

OH! SO AS A LITTLE BOY,

YOU DIDN'T TRY ON YOUR MOMMY'S DRESSES...

OR HER SHOES?

MY MAMA HAD REALLY COOL SHOES!

OH! OH, BABY, DON'T ‐‐ DON'T TRY THAT.

SORRY, MAMA.

MY MOTHER HAS LOST HER MIND.

UNCLE FLOYD, WHERE IS SHE?

SHE SAID SHE HAD A MEETIN' OR SOMETHIN'.

A MEETIN' WITH WHO?!

HELL, I DON'T KNOW.

WHY DID ALL OF A SUDDEN WE GET TO OKLAHOMA?

LISTEN...

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SHE WROTE

ALL OUR BUSINESS DOWN IN HER BOOK.

WELL, SHE SAID IT WAS HER MEMOIRS.

WELL, HER MEMOIRS ARE APPARENTLY OUR MEMOIRS.

EXCEPT FOR THE CIRCUS YEARS.

[ LAUGHS ]

THOSE THINGS SHE DID IN THOSE BUNKHOUSES!

THAT'S NASTY.

ACTUALLY, I WAS QUITE IMPRESSED.

SHE SURE WAS AGILE.

UH, HELLO!

DAUGHTER HERE.

AND GRANDSON GROSSED THE HELL OUT!

SORRY, BABE.

I'M NOT HAPPY.

I MEAN, NEITHER AM I. NONE OF US ARE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DID THIS.

ME, EITHER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT SHE WROTE ABOUT ME.

IT'S OKAY, BABY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I THOUGHT SHE LIKED ME.

YEAH, WELL, APPARENTLY, SHE DON'T LIKE NONE OF US.

HM!

WELL, SHE DID CALL ME HER VANILLA TREAT.

[ EXHALES ]

THE THINGS YOU DID WITH HER.

‐OH. ‐DISGUSTING.

ALLEGEDLY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE ALL HERE.

LET'S GO OVER TO HER HOUSE,

TEAR THE PLACE APART.

WE CAN LEAVE MIKEY TO WATCH THE DINER.

FIND EVERY COPY AND BURN THEM.

YES!

ALL RIGHT.

WHERE DO WE START?

‐EVERYWHERE. ‐ALL RIGHT.

I'M GONNA TAKE THE BEDROOM.

HEY, HEY!

I'M SURE YOU KNOW THAT REAL WELL.

ABOUT AS WELL AS YOU KNOW THE BASEMENT.

HEY! DON'T!

SO LET'S NOT.

WOULD YOU GUYS CUT IT OUT?

‐I'LL TAKE THE ATTIC! ‐NO!

‐WHY NOT? ‐PAGE 128!

OH, YEAH.

LET SAM TAKE THE ATTIC.

WHY SAM?!

SAM, YOU KNOW THAT ATTIC VERY WELL.

‐WHAT? ‐MMM.

BUT IT'S DARK AND MUSTY.

WE DON'T HAVE TO SEARCH MAMA HATTIE ‐‐

SHE'S NOT HERE.

OKAY, FINE.

LOOK, LET'S JUST HURRY UP BEFORE SHE GETS BACK.

‐LET'S GO. ‐I'M GONNA TAKE THE KITCHEN.

GOOD IDEA.

‐UPSTAIRS. ‐WHY?

'CAUSE YOU ONLY WANT TO GO IN THE KITCHEN

BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

‐WHAT? ‐UPSTAIRS.

SORRY.

AIN'T THIS MY HOUSE?

WHAT THE HELL Y'ALL DOING IN MY HOUSE?

‐MAMA! ‐WHAT?!

DON'T "MAMA" ME.

WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

ABOUT WHAT?

YOUR BOOK.

WHAT ABOUT MY BOOK?

YOUR BOOK IS NOT YOUR BOOK.

IT AIN'T?

NO, MAMA, IT'S ALL ABOUT US,

AND WE DON'T LIKE IT.

‐YOU DON'T? ‐NO, WE DON'T.

WELL, HELL, I TOLD Y'ALL'S SECRETS.

I WASN'T FIXIN' TO TELL MINE.

NOW WHAT THE HELL Y'ALL WANT TO DO ABOUT IT?

THERE AIN'T ONE OF YOU LOOK BIG ENOUGH

TO DO NOTHING TO ME.

HELL, I TOLD THE TRUTH.

ALLEGEDLY!

WELL, SAM,

YOU OUT OF EVERYBODY HERE KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS.

♪♪ POT SHAKER, POT SHAKER, POT SHAKER ♪♪

‐OH! ‐[ CACKLES ]

LEMON LIME, RIGHT ON TIME.

OH! MISS HATTIE!

[ SIGHS ] 50 SHADES OF...

...OLD AS HELL.

THAT TOO, FLOYD.

I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK.

[ LAUGHS ] HE WERE. [ LAUGHS ]

‐STOP IT! ‐MAMA!

‐HUH? ‐WE DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE TO SEE THIS BOOK.

[ SCOFFS ] TOO LATE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OOH, I GOT ME A NICE PIECE OF CHANGE.

‐WHAT? ‐I MEAN, THEY PAID ME GOOD, TOO.

WELL, HOW MUCH DID YOU GET, MAMA?

I WAS JUST TEASING WITH Y'ALL.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAMA?

I TOOK IT OVER THERE TO WILLIAM

& WILLIAM AND WILLIAM

& WILLIAM AND WILLIAM

& WILLIAM AND WILLIAM

& WILLIAM & JONES...

PUBLISHING COMPANY.

AND THEY TOLD ME I NEED TO HANG UP

WITH MY WRITING SKILLS.

YOU KNOW THEY TOLD ME I SUCK.

Both: PAGE 296.

AND THEY SAID COULDN'T NONE OF THAT STUFF IN THAT BOOK

EVEN BE TRUE.

SO I JUST BUST THAT BASTARD UP

AND THROWED IT IN THE GARBAGE CAN.

WHO, WILLIAM & WILLIAM AND WILLIAM

& WILLIAM AND WILLIAM...

WILLIAM & WILLIAM AND WILLIAM...

& JONES?

OR THE BOOK?

THE BOOK, FLOYD!

‐OOH! ‐WHEW.

SO I GUESS NOBODY WILL REMEMBER ME WHEN I DIE.

MAMA [CHUCKLES]

WE'LL REMEMBER YOU WHEN YOU DIE.

YOU WILL?

AIN'T THAT NICE.

THAT'S SO NICE.

YEAH, WE'LL REMEMBER YOU FOR TELLING ALL OUR BUSINESS.

STOP IT, UNCLE FLOYD.

I'LL BE GLAD WHEN SHE PUT ON HER

FINAL CHURCH SHOES AND DIE.

UNCLE FLOYD!

ALLEGEDLY.