Original subtitles

[ CAR ALARM CHIRPS ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WANTS TO GIVE MY MOM

HIS LATE WIFE'S WEDDING RING!

DO YOU THINK HE TOOK THE RING OFF

BEFORE OR AFTER SHE DIED?

[ Groaning ] AW!

I DON'T CARE WHEN HE TOOK IT OFF.

I'M GLAD HE LOST IT.

I THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA.

IT IS NOT.

DANNY!

Shh!

YOU KNOW HOW BIG YOUR MAMA'S EARS AND HEAD IS.

SHE'LL HEAR THAT,

AND IT WILL BE IN HER MEMORY FOREVER.

Shh!

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE

THAT HE IS LOOKING FOR HIS DEAD WIFE'S RING.

YES, HE IS. AND I WOULD BE, TOO.

SAM...

WHAT? DON'T PRETEND LIKE

YOU WOULDN'T BE LOOKING FOR THAT RING, TOO, FLOYD.

[ SCOFFS ] I WOULD NOT.

[ SCOFFS ]

YOU KNOW ‐‐ YOU KNOW YOU'D BE LOOKING FOR THAT RING,

SAVE A FEW BUCKS JUST BY A LITTLE RECYCLING.

NOW, SEE, YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW ‐‐ WHAT?

YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU SEE?

[ BUZZING ]

OOH!

[ BUZZING CONTINUES ]

[ BABBLES ]

IS HE DYING?

VIBRATE. [ CHUCKLES ]

LOVE THIS PHONE. [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

[ English accent ] CHELLO?

WELL, I HOPE HE NEVER FINDS IT.

FINDS WHAT? DAMN!

DANNY!

[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]

SORRY, MAMA. GRANDMA'S BOY.

I WANT YOU TO STOP SPENDING SO MUCH TIME

AROUND YOUR GRANDMOTHER AND YOUR UNCLE FLOYD.

I HEARD YOU, LINDA.

SO, WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING.

[ LAUGHS ]

OKAY.

SO, WHAT HAVE YOU TWO CREEPS BEEN DOING ALL DAY?

WE WENT ON A SCAVENGER HUNT.

OH. BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY SCAVENGER HERE.

I FOUND YOU.

THAT'S 'CAUSE I WANTED TO BE FOUND!

GET A LIFE!

GET A DEATH.

I'LL GET A DEATH...RING.

STOP IT.

YOU'VE BEEN WITH MY MOM ALL DAY?

YES, I HAVE.

AND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS

NOT TO TALK ABOUT PHILIP PROPOSING?

YOU CAN'T.

I KNOW. I WON'T. BUT I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO!

WELL, JUST LET IT GO.

OKAY, OKAY.

YEAH, LET IT GO... LIKE THE RING!

[ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOSH, THERE'S A RING?

OH, I CAN'T HOLD IT!

WELL, YOU BETTER.

HEY, Y'ALL, THAT WAS PHILIP.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE FOUND THE RING.

OH, NO!

OH, YES! THIS IS SO EXCITING.

[ LAUGHS ]

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING.

[ SIGHS ] WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THIS FOR YOUR MOTHER.

YEAH, HE DID WANT HIS MOM TO HAVE A RING ‐‐

A NEW ONE!

[ LAUGHS ]

[ Southern accent ] OH, I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF!

I'M ABOUT TO BURST!

I'LL GET A TOWEL.

OH. THERE'S A RING INVOLVED, TOO.

IT'S SO CLOSE.

I HOPE I CAN KEEP MY MOUTH CLOSED.

WELL, I HOPE YOU ‐‐ YOU DON'T.

DON'T.

DREW... WHAT?

DON'T SAY A WORD.

I WON'T. NO, I MEAN IT.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING. OKAY.

[ Loudly ] HI, MISS LINDA!

GIRL, WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING? I'M RIGHT HERE.

HEY, GIRL! HEY.

[ As Celie ] EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN DONE FOR YOU

HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE FOR ME...

MISSUS.

[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

THANK YOU, JESUS!

I ‐‐ CA‐‐ I‐I NEED YOU TO TAKE YOUR MEDS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO, UH, HOW YOU DOIN', GIRL?

AS GOOD AS I WAS

WHEN WE JUST WALKED IN HERE TOGETHER A FEW MINUTES AGO.

[ GIGGLES ]

Don't you say a word! I mean it!

SAY WHAT ABOUT WHAT?

YOU HEARD ME?

YES, BABY.

DANNY, YOUR WHISPERS ARE LIKE [Screaming] SCRE‐E‐E‐E‐E‐AMS!

SAY A WORD ABOUT WHAT? NOTHING.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

MISS LINDA PHILIP ‐‐ ZIP IT, BI‐‐

Z‐ZIP IT ‐‐

ZIP IT, ITCH.

ZIP IT, ITCH.

IT'S A FOOD‐POWDER COMMERCIAL WE LOVE.

YEAH.

SO, HAS PHILIP BEEN AROUND?

SAM...

[ CHUCKLES ]

I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF THE RING OF DEATH IS AROUND YOU.

THE RING OF DEATH?

HE AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT NOTHING.

HE AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT NOTHING.

HE AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT NOTHING.

OKAY, WELL, SINCE YOU'RE ALL HERE, READY TO ORDER?

OH, YES INDEED.

I'LL HAVE...

[English accent] THE PROPOSAL POTATOES.

[ English accent ] AND I'LL HAVE...

THE JUMPING THE BROOM JAMBALAYA.

[ SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY ]

[ SINGS INDISTINCTLY ]

I'LL HAVE THE HAMMER AND NAILS

SO I CAN HAMMER THEIR MOUTHS SHUT!

SO VIOLENT.

I LIKE IT.

IT'S FUNNY,

'CAUSE AIN'T NONE OF THAT ON THE MENU.

THEY'RE ALL JUST KIDDING. WE'LL HAVE THREE BURGERS.

ACTUALLY, I'M GOING VEGAN,

PURE AND WHITE LIKE A WEDDING DRESS.

OKAY, GREAT. SO THREE BURGERS.

I'LL PUT YOUR ORDER IN.

WILL YOU TWO STOP IT?!

I'M SORRY. I'M SO EXCITED.

YEAH. IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THAT AN OLD WOMAN

GETS A YOUNG MAN TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER...

...AND THEN HE GETS HER AN OLD RING!

I MEAN IT.

OKAY, OKAY.

HERE YOU GO, UNCLE FLOYD.

[ Deep voice ] YES?

THREE BURGERS.

SO, WHAT DID PHILIP WANT? HMM?

YOU SAID HE CALLED YOU AND HE WANTED SOMETHING.

SO WHAT'D HE SAY?

UH...SORRY, YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

NO, YOU DID. YOU SAID HE ‐‐ YOU ‐‐

MNH‐MNH. NO, NO. NOW, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

NOW, I DONE TOLD YOU, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

NO, WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ‐‐

SERIOUSLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, ALL RIGHT?

BUT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ‐‐ GET YOUR MOUTH OF THAT!

GET YOUR MOUTH OFF THAT!

WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO FUNNY?

ALL OF Y'ALL ARE ACTING SO FUNNY.

WE AIN'T ACTING FUNNY.

YES, YOU ARE ‐‐ YOU, DREW, SAM, DANNY.

SEE? THEY'RE ALWAYS ACTING FUNNY.

YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT.

HEY, BABY!

HEY, MAMA.

FLIP HERE?

NO.

OH, HE AIN'T?

WHY DO YOU ASK?

OH, NO REASON.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

UM...WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE ON YOUR DAY OFF?

'CAUSE I GOT SO HUNGRY.

[ LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY ]

MAMA, YOU KNOW YOU DON'T EAT THIS FOOD.

SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU'LL RUN MY CUSTOMERS OFF.

YOU HAVE PLENTY OF FOOD AT HOME.

I GOT SO LONELY AT HOME BY MYSELF.

YOU KNOW L‐L‐LITTLE OLD LADIES GET ‐‐

GET LONELY WHEN THEY'RE ALL ALONE.

YOU ‐‐ YOU ‐‐ YOU ‐‐ YOU ‐‐ YOU LYING.

SHUT THE HELL UP, FLOYD!

WH‐‐ WH‐

WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP ASKING ABOUT...PHILIP?

WHO IS EVERYBODY?

YOU, UNCLE FLOYD.

THAT'S ONLY TWO PEOPLE.

I KNOW Y'ALL ARE UP TO SOMETHING.

NO, WE'RE NOT.

YES, YOU ARE. FREIGHT TRAIN!

YOU THINK I GAVE IT AWAY?

ALMOST.

THIS HERE'S GONNA BE SO EXCITING.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ CACKLING ] OOH!

HE ‐‐ HE ‐‐ HE GONNA FINALLY ASK LINDA TO MARRY HIM.

HEY!

AMEN!

[ LAUGHS ]

AND A‐WOMAN. UM...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

HE IS, FLOYD! YOU KNOW HE IS!

OKAY.

REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO HOLD IT?

I'LL BE BACK.

THIS IS GETTING BAD.

YEAH, I KNOW.

AND WAIT TILL YOUR MAMA FIND OUT

SHE ABOUT TO RECEIVE A DEAD WOMAN'S RING.

[ LAUGHS ]

THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

IS HE HERE YET?

NO! HE'S SO DARN SLOW!

I SURE HOPE HE...

HE WILL.

OH, NO. WHAT?

OH, HELL NO!

WHAT'S WRONG, MS. HATTIE?

WHAT IS IT, BOY?

TIMMY FELL DOWN THE WELL?

[ Voice breaking ] I THINK HE DONE CHANGED HIS MIND.

HOW CAN YOU SHAVE YOUR MIND?

ISN'T THAT JUST A HAIRCUT?

SHUT THE HELL UP!

I THINK HE DONE CHANGED HIS MIND!

"CHANGED HIS MIND."

AH!

LITTLE OFF ON MY HATTONESE.

I HOPE HE DOESN'T, GRANDMA.

Y'ALL KNOW HE HAVE A HARD TIME COMMUNICATING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME

HE WAS GONNA ASK LINDA OUT ON A DATE?

YEAH.

IT TOOK HIM FOREVER TO DO THAT!

IT SURE DID.

SHE WENT RIGHT INTO THE ARMS OF ANOTHER MAN.

OH, THAT'S GOOD.

MAYBE IT WILL HAPPEN THIS TIME SO SHE CAN GET A FRESH RING.

I SURE HE HOPE HE COME ON OUT NICER.

Drew: HE WILL.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW, LIKE, HOW HE'S GONNA DO IT.

WITH SOMETHING BORROWED.

NO.

FLOWERS.

YEAH. A BEREAVEMENT BOUQUET.

[ LAUGHS ]

AND DUST AND A CRYPT.

CHOCOLATE AND CANDY.

OOH, THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

OOH, AND PICTURE IT ‐‐ A WHITE HORSE.

[ LAUGHS ]

IF YOU WANT A RIDE, I'M THE WHITE HORSE.

AND I'LL BE THE CHOCOLATE.

[ LAUGHS ] OH, RIGHT.

THAT'S ALL THAT HE GONNA PROBABLY GONNA BE ABLE TO AFFORD AFTER THAT.

Drew: WHATEVER.

I'M SURE HOWEVER HE DOES IT, IT'S GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU KNOW, I CAN JUST SEE LINDA AND PHILIP

ON A ROMANTIC GETAWAY.

THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER

IN EACH OTHER'S EYES SO LOVINGLY.

OH! AND THEN SHE LOOKS DOWN AT THAT RING!

EH...ABOUT THAT RING.

I SURE HOPE HE JUST COME ON OUT NICER.

Drew: HE WILL.

HE LOVES HER.

HE REALLY DOES LOVE YOUR MOM, DANNY.

YEAH, I KNOW.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU SAID THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

HE DOES LOVE HER.

BECAUSE SHE'S PREGNANT.

I SURE HOPE HE PUT A FAT WOCK ON HER FINGER.

A‐A‐A WHAT?

A FAT ROCK ON HER FINGER.

OH!

YES. A FATTY DADDY ‐‐ SOMETHING ANTIQUE.

OH, IT'S ANTIQUE, ALL RIGHT.

I WONDER HOW HE'LL PROPOSE TO HER.

JUST TAKE HER AND SNATCH HER UP AND SAY, "WHAT'S UP, BOO?"

"I DO, YOU DO. LET'S DO."

[ LAUGHS ]

AIN'T THAT NI‐‐ THAT WOULD BE NI‐‐

OH, I WOULD SURE ENJOY SOMEBODY SNATCH ME UP.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ LAUGHS ]

I GOT LOCKED IN THAT TRACTOR BEAM.

[ SIGHS ]

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW HOW HE'S GONNA DO IT.

I JUST KNOW THAT IT'S GONNA BE ROMANTIC.

[ LAUGHS ] THAT DEPENDS ON THE RING.

WHAT?

[ Voice breaking ] I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL, GRANDMA.

[ Voice breaking ] WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, DANNY?

[ Voice breaking ] YOU REMEMBER THAT...

[ SHUDDERS ]

YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT OVER TO PHILIP'S HOUSE

AND LOOKED FOR THE RING THAT TIME, HATTIE?

UH, YEAH. I WAS THERE, FLOYD.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS THAT HE ACTUALLY...

LOST THE RING?

YES!

THAT'S AWFUL.

OH!

DANNY THOUGHT IT WAS A SIGN THAT HE SHOULDN'T MARRY LINDA.

NO!

YES!

OH!

OH!

BUT MISS HATTIE CONVINCED HIM OTHERWISE.

GOOD!

BUT THEN HE FOUND THE RING THIS MORNING!

GREAT.

NOT GREAT.

WHY NOT? IT'S HIS DEAD WIFE'S RING.

[ SCREAMING ]

WHAT THE HELL YOU SAY, DANNY?!

I DON'T KNOW! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

SAY THAT AGAIN. S‐SAY ‐‐ SAY THAT AGAIN!

[ GROANS ] NOT THE DEAD WIFE'S RING.

YEAH!

WELL, WHERE'D IT COME FROM?

OFF HER DEAD, CORPSY FINGER.

WHAT?!

YEAH.

NO, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

WELL, HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK

THEY GOT THE RING OFF OF HER FINGER, UNCLE FLOYD?

WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS

SOME KIND OF SPECIAL PROCESS OR SOMETHING.

I STILL WONDER IS,

DID HE TAKE THE RING OFF HER FINGER

BEFORE OR AFTER SHE DIED?

OKAY, ENOUGH, ENOUGH.

HE CAN'T GIVE LINDA HIS DEAD WIFE'S RING!

All: WE KNOW!

THAT DANG ROCK GOT SOME KIND OF SPELL ON IT!

OH, MISS HATTIE, THAT'S JUST STUPID‐STITIONS.

I GOT YOUR STUPID AND SOME STITCHES.

HE CANNOT GIVE LINDA HIS DEAD WIFE'S RING!

WHY NOT? SHE'S DEAD. SHE DOESN'T NEED IT.

OKAY, HOLD ON.

I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT IF IT'S, LIKE, NICE?

[ LAUGHING ]

[ COUGHING ]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.

IT COULD BE, LIKE, ALL BLINGED OUT.

YOU FEEL ME?

LIKE BOW‐BOW‐BOW!

BOW‐BOW‐BOW‐BOW!

[ LAUGHS ]

HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?

HA!

WE TALKING ABOUT PHILIP.

OKAY, YOU DO GOT A POINT RIGHT THERE, BROTHER.

THAT'S IT, YEAH.

OOH, THERE HE IS RIGHT THERE.

LOOK NATURAL.

UH...

FLOYD, GO ‐‐ GO TALK AT LINDA WHILE I TA‐‐ TALK AT FLIP.

YES, SIR.

All: HEY, FLIP!

HEY, EVERYBODY.

SO, WHERE'S THE RING?

LET'S SEE IT.

ALL RIGHT. BAM!

[ CHUCKLES ]

LET'S SEE IT.

ALL OF IT.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT.

THAT AIN'T NO FATTY DADDY.

FLIP, UH, L‐L‐LET ME HOLLA OVER THERE.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE STRONG, MS. HATTIE.

UH...FLIP...

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

MM‐HMM.

UH, IS THAT YOUR LATE WIFE'S RING?

YES, MA'AM, IT IS.

UH, IS THAT THE RING YOU PLAN ON GIVING LINDA?

YES, MA'AM. I SURE DO.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?!

NO.

YOU CAN'T GIVE LINDA THAT RING!

WELL, SHE LOVED IT.

WHO IS SHE?

MY LATE WIFE.

YOU DONE FELL OUT YOUR DAMN MIND.

SHE'S NOT LINDA.

I KNOW THAT.

FLIP, DO YOU KNOW WHAT LINDA GONNA DO

WHEN SHE FIND OUT THAT'S YOUR LATE WIFE'S RING?

SHE GONNA FLIP YOU, FLIP!

[ CHUCKLES ]

MISS HATTIE, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

LOOK, BABY, DON'T NO WOMAN

WANT TO BE IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR LATE WIFE,

OR NO OTHER WOMAN, FOR THAT FACT.

UH...

WELL, MISS HATTIE, THAT ‐‐

THAT RING BELONGED TO MY GREAT‐GRANDMOTHER.

IT DID?!

YES, MA'AM.

AIN'T THAT NICE!

SEE, MY GREAT‐GRANDFATHER GAVE IT TO MY GREAT‐GRANDMOTHER

BEFORE SHE DIED.

DID?!

AND THEN, MY GREAT‐GRANDMOTHER GAVE IT TO MY MOTHER,

AND MY MOTHER GAVE IT TO ME.

DID?!

YES.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND KEEP ON TALKING.

[ LAUGHS ] YES, MA'AM.

BUT THAT'S JUST SOME STRAIGHT‐UP BULL‐‐

MISS HATTIE!

YOU CAN'T GIVE THAT RING TO LINDA!

EVERYBODY THAT WORE THAT RING DONE DIED!

FLIP, YOU TRY AND KILL MY BABY?

NO, MISS HATTIE.

I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HARM LINDA.

UH, I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT THAT WAY EITHER.

WELL, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE TO HELP YOU OUT.

SO, YOU'RE SAYING ‐‐

YOU'RE SAYING I SHOULDN'T ASK LINDA TO MARRY ME?

NOT WITH THAT RING!

THIS IS SO MUCH PRESSURE.

DAMN! Y'ALL GOT ME ALL CONFUSED.

BABY, YOU AIN'T SEEN PRESSURE

TILL YOU PUT THAT LATE WIFE'S RING ON LINDA'S FINGER.

YOU GONNA HAVE ALL KIND OF PRESSURE ‐‐

YOUR EYES, YOUR FOREHEAD.

THERE'S GONNA BE PRESSURE EVERYWHERE.

YOU GONNA HAVE SO MUCH PRESSURE, YOU JUST GONNA POP!

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, MISS HATTIE?

HMM?

I'M ‐‐ I'M GONNA ‐‐ I'M GONNA BUY LINDA A RING.

OKAY, GREAT.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? ONE OF THESE DAYS,

I'M GONNA COME TO HER AND ASK HER TO MARRY ME,

AND I AIN'T GONNA TALK TO NONE OF Y'ALL.

WELL, FLIP, DON'T STAND THERE, TALK ABOUT IT!

BE ABOUT IT, FLIP!

IT'S PHILIP!

THAT'S WHAT THE HELL I SAID!

HOLLERING IN MY DAMN ESTABLISHMENT.

WHAT THE HELL AM I GETTING MYSELF INTO?