Original subtitles

[ VACUUM WHIRRING ]

Sam: DANNY!

HEY, HEY.

DANNY, STOP IT!

WHAT?

STOP IT WITH THAT VACUUM THING.

HEY, IT A VACUUMEY.

HEY! STOP IT!

STOP DOING...

THAT'S GOOD. A LITTLE BIT ON THAT SIDE.

TURN IT UP, BRO.

THAT'S AS HIGH AS IT GOES.

WELL, WE COVERED FRANCE, LET'S GO TO SPAIN.

LET'S ‐‐ NO.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT, TOO, BRO?

I DON'T WANT TO TRY IT.

HEY, COME ON.

[ LAUGHS ] THAT'S KIND OF NICE.

[ LAUGHS ]

TAKE THE TRAIN TO SPAIN! TAKE THE TRAIN TO...

SPAIN.

WE WERE STILL IN FRANCE!

I WAS EXCITED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M TRYING TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS.

IN THAT CASE...

...CARRY ON.

SAM, SERIOUSLY, WHY CAN'T...

WHY CAN'T YOU CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, HUH?

BECAUSE...

I HAVE YOU.

STOP.

I DON'T BELONG TO YOU OR ANY OTHER MAN!

OH, YEAH?

YOU STOP IT!

IN PUBLIC!

YOU STOP IT! THIS IS CREEPY!

IS IT?

[ DOOR OPENS ]

IT COULD GET CREEPIER. AAH!

I'LL SAY. OH!

HEY, DAMN IT.

OH, NO. DON'T STOP ON OUR ACCOUNT.

OKAY. NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO, NO, PLEASE STOP ON OUR ACCOUNT.

BEFORE I COUNT UP MY LUNCH.

I CAME HERE FOR THE RENT.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE DANNY WAS TRYING TO EARN HIS.

MNH‐MNH.

[ LAUGHS ] HERE YOU GO.

AND HERE YOU GO, UNCLE FLOYD.

I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH IT.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

MAKE IT RAIN!

I AIR DRIED IT. IT'S DRY.

WOW.

WHAT?

Y'ALL ACTUALLY ARE PAYING ON TIME.

HE'S BEEN TRYING. I'VE BEEN ON HIM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

IT LOOKED THE OTHER WAY AROUND WHEN WE CAME IN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, UNCLE FLOYD.

NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, UNCLE FLOYD.

WELL, AS AWKWARD AS THIS WHOLE THING IS,

SAM, I'M ACTUALLY REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

THANKS, YOU STANDARD POODLE.

AND THANKS TO YOU PEASANTS,

I'M BACK ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW.

KIND OF LIKE THOSE SKINNY JEANS.

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO IT.

HEY, DANNY.

HEY, PHILIP.

CAN I COME IN?

YEAH, SURE, COME ON IN.

HI, PHILIP.

YOU DON'T SEE NO‐DAMN‐BODY ELSE?

HEY. HEY.

HI, BABY DADDY.

DREW.

WELL, HE IS A BABY DADDY. [ LAUGHS ]

SO, WHAT'S GOING ON, PHILIP?

I'M FINE. I'M GOOD. I'M FINE. I'M GOOD.

MM‐HMM. I'M ALL RIGHT.

Drew: YEAH, YOU SURE? OKAY. I'M OKAY. I'M ALL RIGHT.

ARE YOU NERVOUS OR SOMETHING, BRO?

I'M ‐‐ I'M ‐‐ I'M ‐‐ I'M OKAY.

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU BY?

I JUST ‐‐ I WANTED TO COME BY AND ASK YOU TO MARRY ME.

[ GASPS ]

OH, MY GO‐O‐O‐O‐O‐O‐O‐D!

I WANTED TO ASK YOUR MOTHER TO MARRY ME.

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

OKAY, REALLY, REALLY, SERIOUSLY, DO YOU THINK SHE'LL SAY YES?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OF COURSE SHE'S GONNA SAY YES.

HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?

OKAY, LET'S SEE, TWO GOOD REASONS ‐‐

UMM...

SHE'S SINGLE AND SHE LIVES WITH HATTIE.

SHE'S ALSO 40.

AND HARD UP. SHE'LL SAY YES.

YOU CALL MY MAMA "HARD UP" AGAIN, I'LL SHOW YOU HARD UP!

YOU PROMISE?

OKAY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

I WILL SEE YOU TWO AT THE OFFICE.

ARE YOU SURE, DREW?

'CAUSE WE COULD USE ANOTHER MAN'S OPINION ABOUT THIS.

GOODBYE.

CONGRATULATIONS, PHILIP.

THANK YOU, BUT SHE HASN'T SAID YES YET.

OH, SHE GONNA SAY YES, OKAY? [ CHUCKLES ]

I MEAN, YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN THAT WANTS TO MARRY HER, YOU KNOW?

LIONEL DIDN'T WANT HER, RIGHT? [ LAUGHS ]

WILL WAS DOING ALL THAT CRAZY STUFF.

SHE GONNA RUN DOWN THE AISLE. AH‐HA!

STEP BACK! YOUR HONEYMOON GONNA BE WILD!

GET YOUR BACK READY!

BETTER WEAR THAT BACK BRACE.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

TAKE IT FROM A WOMAN WHO'S NEVER BEEN MARRIED...

SHUT UP, SAM.

...And has no prospects...

I AM WARNING YOU.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

...And has no idea the man or a woman or a plant

or an animal will ever marry her.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA WRITE HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT YOU IN MY DIARY.

GOOD DAY!

I COULD HAVE BEEN READING THAT DIARY!

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DO THAT TO HER?

'CAUSE I'M SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH HER.

HUH? OR IT WAS FUN.

[ Laughing ] I KNOW, RIGHT?

DANNY, YOU'RE QUIET.

OH, AM I? [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]

YES.

DANNY, YOU OKAY?

YEAH, YEAH.

UH, YOU NOT WANTING ME TO ASK YOUR MOTHER TO MARRY ME?

UH, YEAH.

YEAH, YOU DO, OR, YEAH, YOU DON'T?

NO, I ‐‐

NO, YOU DO, OR, NO, YOU DON'T?

HELL, YOU CONFUSING ME.

UM...

I MEAN,

HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT ME ASKING YOUR MOTHER TO MARRY ME?

I MEAN, BE HONEST.

[ SIGHS ] I LIKE YOU FOR MY MOM.

REALLY?

YEAH.

OH, THANK YOU, DANNY.

BUT SHE'S BEEN HURT A LOT.

I KNOW THAT.

AND YOU STILL WANT TO MARRY HER?

YES, WE'LL WORK THROUGH OUR PROBLEMS TOGETHER.

OKAY. OKAY.

WAIT, NOT SO FAST.

HAVE A SEAT.

I WAS ‐‐

YOU DO REALIZE THAT SHE SNORES VERY LOUDLY.

[ SNORING LOUDLY ]

[ GAGS, COUGHS ]

GINGER BREAD.

UM, COMING FROM HER, I THINK IT'S CUTE.

OH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

CUTE?

WOW, YOU'RE REALLY IN LOVE.

AND YOU DO REALIZE THAT THE THINGS

THAT YOU THINK ARE CUTE RIGHT NOW...

ARE THE THINGS THAT ARE GOING TO GET ON YOUR NERVES

LATER ON IN LIFE.

I KNOW, ALL RIGHT?

I KNOW.

WE KNOW THIS.

[ SIGHS ]

THE THINGS THAT YOU LIKE AT FIRST

ARE THE THINGS THAT WILL DRIVE YOU NUTS.

ER‐EH‐ER‐EH ER‐EH‐ER‐EH.

AND HE KNOWS NUTS.

I REMEMBER THIS ONE GUY ‐‐ GIRL...

STOP! HEY!

UH, I JUST...

COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE.

HEY, HEY, OH.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

DANNY, LOOK,

I REALLY NEED YOUR BLESSING.

NOW, I ASKED YOU FOR YOUR PERMISSION TO DATE HER.

NOW I'M ASKING YOU IS IT OKAY FOR ME TO ASK HER TO MARRY ME?

AND...?

WELL...

ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU CAN HANDLE MY MAMA?

[ CHUCKLES ]

YEAH.

[ SIGHS, LAUGHS ]

WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE, BROTHER.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WH‐WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DID SHE TELL YOU ABOUT ALL THE BREAKUPS?

YES.

AND DID SHE TELL YOU SHE CRIED A LOT?

YES.

SHE TELL YOU HOW SHE CRIES?

HUH?

[ Deep voice ] OOH.

OOOOH.

OOOH‐OUH‐OHH‐NEH.

[ COUGHS ]

OO‐OO‐OO‐OOH.

AGH.

DANNY,

S‐STOP BEFORE YOU CATCH A FLY.

HMM, ACTUALLY, I THINK SHE'S CUTE.

[ Normal voice ] AWW.

[ LAUGHS ] AH, CUTE AGAIN, HUH?

YOU ARE IN LOVE.

DO YOU ALSO REALIZE THAT SHE WAS A HOOKER IN THE '80s?

WHAT THE ‐‐ Danny: WHOA!

Floyd: WHAT THE ‐‐

STOP IT! HE'S LYING!

THAT'S WHAT FLOYD SAID!

HEY!

I NEVER SAID THAT TO YOU...

TO REPEAT IT.

HELL.

DON'T LISTEN TO THEM, PHILIP, ALL RIGHT?

THEY'RE LYING, AND I'M ALL FOR IT.

YOU HAVE MY BLESSING.

REALLY?

THANK YOU, DANNY.

YEAH. THANK YOU.

SO, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA ASK HER?

TONIGHT...

AFTER I TALK TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

OH, UH, WHY?

BECAUSE I NEED HER BLESSING.

SATAN CAN'T BLESS NOBODY.

I STILL NEED TO TALK TO HER.

OKAY.

MAKE SURE YOU DO IT AFTER 9:00.

SHE'S MUCH BETTER IN THE DARK.

TRUST ME...

I KNOW.

[ SIGHS ] OOH.

♪♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪♪

♪♪ RAISIN' MY CHILDREN ALL BY MYSELF ♪♪

♪♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪♪

♪♪ I DON'T NEED NO MAN'S HELP ♪♪

♪♪ I'M A WOMAA‐A‐A‐‐ ♪♪

HEY, BABY.

Both: HEY.

WERE YOU JUST SINGING "I'M A WOMAN"?

[ CLEARS THROAT ] YEAH.

BUT YOU ONLY SING THAT SONG WHEN YOU'RE SAD.

I‐I, I‐I‐I KNOW, BUT I‐I'M FINE.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOUR GRANDMOTHER LEFT ME HERE TO CLEAN UP.

MOM, YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING THAT.

WHY? I HAVE TO WORK.

YEAH, BUT YOU'RE PREGNANT,

YOU WAS TWERKING, YOU GOT KNOCKED UP...

AND YOU'RE HAVING A BABY.

AND LOTS OF WOMEN WORK WHILE THEY'RE PREGNANT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

I MEAN, I WANTED TO WORK THE WHOLE 10½½ MONTHS

I WAS PREGNANT WITH YOU.

10½½ MONTHS?

YEAH, BABY, YOU WAS ALWAYS SLOW.

NUH‐UNH.

JUST TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND AWAY FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

SO, YOU WANT SOME HELP?

NO, I'M GOOD. I DON'T MIND.

YOU DON'T?

NO, I ‐‐ I NEEDED SOME TIME APART FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER

BEFORE WE SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER...

IN JAIL.

OH, WELL,

[ Mumbling ] MAYBE YOU SHOULD MOVE IN WITH PHILIP.

I SHOULD WHAT?

[ Mumbling ] YOU SHOULD MOVE IN WITH PHILIP.

[ COUGHS ]

BOY, PLEASE, I AM NOT MOVING IN WITH THAT MAN.

COME ON, MAMA, WHY NOT?

BECAUSE, BABY, THIS IS NOT THAT KIND OF PARTY.

IT WAS AN "OOPS" MOMENT.

HUH?

I DIDN'T WANT TO GET PREGNANT.

I KNOW.

AND I'M NOT GONNA TRAP HIM

INTO BEING WITH ME JUST BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT.

IF I HAVE TO ACT THAT DESPERATE, THEN I NEED TO BE ALONE.

NO, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU JUST THIRSTY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I MEAN, THAT'S CRAZY, GIRL.

YEAH.

W‐W‐WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHIN'.

YOU BEEN DRINKING?

WATERMELON.

WHAT?

NO, MAMA, YOU BEEN DRINKIN'?

UH, PREGNANT.

WELL, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT DIDN'T STOP GRANDMA

FROM DRINKING WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH YOU.

SHE DID NOT.

NOW, WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO FUNNY?

DO YOU WANT TO MARRY PHILIP?

[ SCOFFS ] BOY...

[ STAMMERING, SMACKING LIPS ]

YOU STILL DRINKING?

WHY NOT?

♪♪ 'CAUSE I'M A WOMAN ♪♪

♪♪ [ Sobbing ] RAISIN' MY KIDS ALL BY MYSELF ♪♪

NO, YOU'RE NOT. THAT'S ENOUGH. THAT'S ENOUGH.

♪♪ 'CAUSE I ‐‐ ♪♪

THAT'S ENOUGH. IT WAS GOOD.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I WAS JUST WONDERING.

I KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

YOU DO?

YEAH, SIT DOWN.

[ SIGHS ]

THIS IS ABOUT YOUR FATHER.

NUH‐UNH.

DANNY, I WAS 16 WHEN I GOT PREGNANT WITH YOU,

AND I WAS STILL A BABY MYSELF.

THEN YOUR FATHER AND I GOT MARRIED,

BUT WE WERE TOO YOUNG.

AND WE JUST DID BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT.

IT'S ALMOST THE SAME SITUATION AS NOW,

WHICH IS WHY I'M SHOCKED I'M HERE AGAIN AND I'M 40.

CLEARLY, I DIDN'T GET THE LESSON THE FIRST TIME.

THE LESSON?

DON'T GET ME WRONG.

I LOVE YOU,

AND I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU CAME OUT OF THE SITUATION.

BUT THE LESSON IN THIS FOR ME

IS THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CELIBATE.

BUT, NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALK‐‐

NO, NO, BABY, THAT'S THE LESSON FOR ME.

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW,

YOU'VE BROUGHT SO MUCH JOY INTO MY LIFE.

AND THIS BABY WILL, TOO.

I DON'T REGRET THIS LIFE, AND I DON'T REGRET YOURS, OKAY?

SO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME MARRYING PHILIP.

IT JUST AIN'T THAT KIND OF PARTY.

BUT, MAMA ‐‐

"BUT" DON'T DO.

DON'T "BUT, MAMA" ME.

NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE WORRIED, BUT I'M FINE.

OKAY? REALLY, I'M FINE.

[ Sighing ] OKAY.

NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE, SIR?

NO.

OKAY, WELL, EMPTY THAT BUCKET AND CHECK THE BACK DOOR,

AND LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

OKAY. OKAY.

MAN, THIS PLACE IS NASTY.

YOU SEE THIS HERE?

THIS IS VERY WRONG WATCHING THIS FOOLISHNESS TV.

AIN'T A DAMN ONE OF THEM PEOPLE GOT NO DAMN JOB.

THEY CALL THIS SHOW "HOUSEWIVES."

GET A JOB WHY DON'T YOU?!

YOU'RE MY DAMN ‐‐

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

WHO THAT?!

WHO THAT IS?

IS THAT MY BABY?

HA‐HA, I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE.

GIVE ME A MINUTE. HOLD ON.

HEY, FLOP!

IT'S PHILIP.

OH, SHUT THE HELL UP. THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

COME ON IN, FLOP! WHOA, MISS HATTIE.

HOW YOU BEEN DOIN'?

I'M FINE. HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD. WHAT BRINGS YOU BY?

I CAME TO SEE YOU.

UNH‐UNH, PHILIP.

IT CAN'T GO DOWN LIKE THIS HERE.

THIS JUST CANNOT HAPPEN. I MEAN IT THIS TIME, PHILIP.

WHAT IS YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT?

LINDA IS HAVING YOUR BABY AND THAT'S YOUR FAMILY!

IT AIN'T GONNA BE ABLE TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS HERE, PHILIP.

WHAT ARE YOU TALK‐‐

I'M AFRAID IT AIN'T GOIN' DOWN LIKE THIS HERE, PHILIP.

MISS HATTIE?

AH! OOH!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I FEEL FEVERISH ALL OF A SUDDEN.

FEVERISH? MISS HATTIE, YOU ALL RIGHT?

OOH, COME HELP ME.

COME HELP ME GET UP, PHILIP.

ALL RIGHT, MISS HATTIE, COME ON.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, MISS HATTIE.

[ LAUGHS ]

HEY, PHILIP!

[ MUFFLED SPEAKING ]

QUIT TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME, PHILIP.

I'M NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU!

MISS HATTIE! AAH!

YOU GET YOUR CHEST OFF OF MY CHEST, PHILIP!

MY HANDS IS IN THE AIR!

MY TOES WOULD LIKE TO BE UP THERE, TOO.

MISS HATTIE!

YEAH, PHILIP!

[ LAUGHS ] BRING IT!

COME HELP ME UP, FOR REAL.

[ LAUGHS ]

TURN THAT THE OTHER WAY.

HUH?

MOVE THAT THE OTHER WAY.

THE OTHER WAY?

OKAY, LIKE THIS HERE?

WAIT, HOLD ON, HATTIE!

OH, GOD. MISS HATTIE, NO.

MISS HATTIE, STOP.

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH.

YOU'RE SUCH A JOKESTER.

OKAY. YEAH, OKAY, GREAT.

[ LAUGHS ]

WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON, PHILIP?

I, UH...

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

BEFORE OR AFTER THE CIGARETTE?

MISS HATTIE.

[ LAUGHS ]

COME ON IN. SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

WH‐WH‐WHAT YOU NEED, PRECIOUS?

OH.

OKAY, MISS ‐‐

SIT DOWN.

WHAT'S GOING ON, PHILIP?

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT LINDA.

WHAT THE HELL LINDA DONE DONE?!

MISS HATTIE.

SHE GETS ON MY DAMN N‐‐ I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I'M GOING...

I'M GOING TO GET MY KID SO I CAN

BUST HER ON HER PREGNANT HEAD.

MISS HATTIE!

NO, NO, NO.

OKAY, WE TOGETHER. WE TOGETHER, BABY.

OKAY?

WE TOGETHER.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I WANT TO ASK HER TO MARRY ME.

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU, JESUS!

WHAT?

THANK YOU, JESUS!

WHO?

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! YES, SIR!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

HE SAID, ALL I NEEDED TO DO WAS HAVE FAITH IN CHRIST!

BABY.

WHOO! EVERYTHING WILL ‐‐

EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT JUST FINE FOR ME!

OKAY.

HE MAY NOT COME WHEN YOU WANT HIM,

BUT HE ALWAYS ON TIME.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

ALL HE SAID YOU NEEDED TO HAVE WAS THE FAITH

OF THE GRAIN OF A MUSTARD SEED!

WHAT?

AND HE'LL GIVE YOU A WHOLE PUMPKIN PATCH!

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU, JESUS!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

SO, DO I HAVE IT?

LET'S GO! I TOLD YOU TO COME ON AND GET IT.

WAIT, MISS HATTIE, I‐I‐I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR BLESSING.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT QUESTION.

IT MEANS THAT YOU'RE OKAY WITH ME ASKING LINDA TO MARRY ME.

THAT'S THE DUMBEST DAMN QUESTION I'VE HEARD...

...IN A LONG TIME.

MISS HATTIE.

I'M TIRED IN HERE.

I KNOW. I CAN TELL.

THAT LIKED TO TOOK THE WIND OUT OF ME, THERE.

[ Laughing ] YEAH, YEAH.

[ LAUGHS ] BUT IT GIVES ME STRENGTH

WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU THINK ABOUT IT?

I GET THE SHILLS ALL OVER AGAIN.

SHILLS?

[ SIGHS ]

MISS HATTIE, SO, YOU'RE ‐‐ YOU'RE OKAY WITH IT?

DID YOU REALLY THINK

THAT I WOULD COME IN BETWEEN THE BLESSING FROM ON HIGH?

I DIDN'T KNOW.

[ LAUGHS ]

HELL, NO!

OH, OH.

HOW SOON YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE THAT WEDDING?

WELL, I'M GONNA ASK HER TONIGHT.

SO, HOW SOON YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO GET LINDA

AND THAT BABY UP OUT OF HERE?

WELL, SHE HASN'T SAID YES YET.

WE DO!

THAT'S‐‐

WE DO!

WHAT?

SHE DO, I DO, YOU DO, TOO!

THANK YOU!