Original subtitles

OOH! I GET TO HAVE ME

A NICE, QUIET EVENING AT HOME ALONE

WITH MY FRIEND ARSENIO.

I'M SO GLAD HE BACK ON.

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

WHOO!

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

DANG!

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

IF I BE REAL QUIET, THEY'LL THINK I AIN'T AT HOME.

[ POUNDS ON DOOR ] GRANDMA!

WHO IS?

IT'S DANNY.

CAN YOU OPEN THE DOOR?

NOPE.

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ] GRANDMA!

IS MY MAMA HERE?

SHE AIN'T HERE!

HATTIE, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!

[ GROANS ]

I KNOW I AIN'T OPENING IT NOW.

OKAY, OKAY, I GOT THIS.

IF SHE WON'T OPEN THE DOOR, MAYBE SHE'LL OPEN HER...

All: HEY!

HEY! I SAID "HEY!"

HEART.

[ Singsongy ] MISS HATTIE!

IS THAT MY BABY DADDY?

WHO DAT IS.

WORKED LIKE A CHARM, BUDDY.

WAIT FOR IT.

HEY, SAM.

HI, MISS HATTIE.

COME ON IN, SAM.

THANK YOU.

YOU WANT SOMETHING HOT

TO KEEP YOU WARM?

I WANT SOMETHING NOT

TO KEEP AWAY THE SWARM.

THEN WHAT THE HELL YOU COME OVER HERE FOR THEN?

WHAT Y'ALL WANT ANYWAYS?

YOU COULDA KEPT US WARM WITH THAT HOT BREATH.

SHUT THE HELL UP, FLOYD!

YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!

I CAME TO CHECK ON MY MAMA.

I TOLD YOU! SHE NOT HERE!

WELL, WHERE IS SHE?

I DON'T KNOW!

BUT WHEN SHE LEFT HERE, SHE WAS MAD.

I SURE HOPE SHE AIN'T OUT THERE THROWING HERSELF AT A MAN.

GRANDMA. WHAT?

DID YOU TRY TO STOP HER?

NO. I ENCOURAGED IT.

NOW SEE? THAT THERE IS JUST EVIL.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SEE, THAT'S JUST THE DEVIL.

MISS HATTIE, YOU KNOW MISS LINDA'S REALLY UPSET

BECAUSE SHE FOUND OUT WILL'S A CON ARTIST.

I KNOW THAT.

YOU DON'T THINK SHE WENT TO SEE HIM, DO YA?

SHE'D BE A DAMN FOOL IF SHE DID.

NO. NO, I DON'T THINK MY MOM WOULD DO THAT.

YEAH, I KNOW SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT.

WHERE DID SHE GO?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE WENT.

AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I GIVE A DAMN.

LOOK, THAT'S YOUR DAUGHTER, HATTIE.

I KNOW THAT!

WELL, AREN'T YOU THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED?

NOPE.

WELL, I AM.

YOUR MAMA GROWN. YOU GOT THAT?

AND SHE OUT THERE DOING WHATEVER IT IS SHE WANNA DO.

I JUST HOPE SHE NOT...

NOT ‐‐ NOT WHAT?

YOU KNOW, WHEN ‐‐ WHEN YOU GET HURT,

SOMETIMES YOU JUST THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND

AND YOU DO THE MOST STUPID STUFF, YOU KNOW.

AND...

I‐I REMEMBER. IT WAS 1973 ‐‐ I DON'T WANNA HEAR THIS!

Floyd: [ GROANS ] UGH! NEITHER DO I!

WELL, HOLD ON. THIS MIGHT BE INTERESTING.

DON'T COUNT ON IT.

LIKE I SAID, IT WAS 1973,

AND, I MEAN, I WAS DEPRESSED, OPPRESSED,

SUPPRESSED, AND STRESSED.

AND I JUST NEEDED A MAN.

I JUST ‐‐ I JUST NEEDED ANY MAN

TO TAKE THE HURT AND PAIN OFF OF MY MIND.

WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON. '73...

WEREN'T YOU MARRIED TO MY BROTHER AT THE TIME?

YEP, SPORT. [ EXHALES ]

YEAH.

I WAS OUT THERE WITH THAT MAN,

AND I WAS DOING ALL DIFFERENT KIND OF THINGS.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ] Y'ALL, WE NEED TO BE WORRIED!

LINDA...[ PANTING ] LINDA OUT THERE BE DOING THE SAME THING!

IT'S A GENERATIONAL CURSE! Danny: NO.

WE NEED TO BE WORRIED!

SHE TURNING A HO, Y'ALL!

NO! NO, SHE'S NOT!

NO, SHE'S NOT! YES, SHE IS!

Danny and Floyd: NO!

YES, SHE IS! SHE A HO, Y'ALL! SHE A HO!

NO! NO, GRANDMA, SHE'S NOT! NO!

Sam and Drew: NO. GRANDMA!

SHE'S NOT. YES.

SO YOU'RE AN ELECTRICIAN.

YES.

[ CHUCKLES ] RIGHT ON! THAT IS SO COOL!

IS IT?

OH, YEAH! [ LAUGHS ]

YEAH? HOW COME?

WELL, I'M GETTING ELECTROLYSIS. [ LAUGHS ]

OH, COME ON NOW. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT ‐‐ OOH!

[ GIGGLES ]

OKAY. YOU ARE SO FUNNY!

OKAY.

[ LAUGHS ] [ CLEARS THROAT ]

OH, WOW. THIS IS A NICE HOUSE.

THANK YOU.

YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE THE DECORATIONS.

YEAH, MY WIFE DID IT.

WHEN?

BEFORE SHE DIED.

[ GASPS ]

OH! OH! NO, NO, NO, NO.

WHAT?

YES. SEE ‐‐ SEE, SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE DIE,

THEY ‐‐ THEY COME BACK AND THEY JUST START MOVING THINGS.

UH‐OH! RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE! DID YOU SEE THAT MOVE?!

DID YOU SEE IT?

THEY START MOVING THINGS ALL OVER THE PLACE,

LIKE WHEN MY GRANDFATHER DIED.

YEAH, HE JUST MOVED HIS PICTURE FROM THE ‐‐ THE LIVING ROOM

TO THE KITCHEN TO OVER GRANDMA'S BED.

I MEAN, WHO DOES THAT?

[ GASPS ] OOH!

GET YO' CRAZY ASS UP OUTTA HERE.

OOH! [ SHIVERS ]

DO YOU LIKE DOGS?

I HAVE A PIT BULL. [ BARKS ]

THAT'S HOW HE BARKS. [ BARKING ]

[ GIGGLES ]

HIS NAME IS... [ Singsongy ] PINKY!

YOU NAMED A PIT BULL PINKY?

[ SQUEALS ] YES!

[ LAUGHS ]

HE IS SO CUTE. LITTLE SNOOKIE DOOKIE!

OHH! [ LAUGHS ]

WHAT?

DO YOU THINK THAT DOGS CAN ACTUALLY LIKE CATS?

I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT. I ‐‐

[ Voice breaks ] I AM SO GLAD...

THAT YOU ANSWERED MY ON...

THAT YOU ANSWERED MY AD.

[ CLEARS THROAT ] [ SNIFFLES ]

OH. IT'S... [ CRIES ]

IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT. I MEAN, AREN'T YOU?

HUH? AREN'T YOU?!

HUH?! NO. YEAH, YEAH.

[ LAUGHS ] YES. YES.

I'M ECSTATIC ABOUT IT. I KNOW!

YEAH. ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

IT'S LIKE...

[ Whispers ] WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.

I KNOW! ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

[ High‐pitched voice ] YEAH! MM!

LIKE WHAT?

HUH?

LIKE WHAT DO WE HAVE IN COMMON?

WE...BOTH WORK...

IN ELECTRICITY?

[ SQUEALS ] YES!

[ LAUGHS ]

YES, WE DO! YAY! YEAH.

I WIRED AN INSTITUTION, AND YOU NEED TO BE IN ONE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

YES! [ GIGGLES ]

YAY! YES WE DO! YEAH.

YOU. YOU.

NO. [ LAUGHS ]

UM...

CAN I HAVE SOME MORE, UH, GLUG, GLUG, GLUG, GLUG?

YOU KNOW... ♪♪ SOME MORE WINE ♪♪

[ GIGGLES ] [ CHUCKLES ]

HELL, YOU DRANK THE LAST TWO DAMN BOTTLES. UM...

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

OH. [ LAUGHS ]

UH, LET ME SEE, UM, IF I CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

OKAY.

AW.

MM‐HMM?

DAMN. WHAT? WHAT?

YOU SEE SOMETHING? WE OUT.

AW. IT'S ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHS ]

THIS IS REALLY A... [ Whispers ] NICE HOUSE.

YOU SAID THAT.

DID I? MM‐HMM. YES.

[ imitates Donald Duck ] OH, BOY! [ LAUGHS ]

[ Mouths word ]

OH. [ INHALES SHARPLY ]

WHAT? GOTTA GO BATHROOM.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ] WHAT?

GOTTA GO BATHROOM.

WHAT THE HELL? WHAT?

I GOTTA GO TO THE POTTY, MAN.

OH! DO YOU HAVE ONE?

[ Whispers ] YOU GOT ONE? YEAH, YEAH. YES, I DO. YES.

IN THE HOUSE?

YES. WHERE THE HELL YOU FROM?

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU ARE SO SILLY!

I AM FROM HERE. OKAY.

OKAY, LIKE, WHERE? WHERE? HELLO? WHERE?

OH. UH, RIGHT THERE. RIGHT BACK THERE. YEAH.

OH! [ Whispers ] OKAY, GOOD.

[ imitates The Terminator ] I'LL BE BACK.

[ LAUGHS ]

I'LL BE BLACK. HA!

[ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ]

HEY, HEY. HEY. [ Singsongy ] NO PEEKING.

OHH. PEEKABOO!

NO WORRY. DON'T YOU EVEN WORRY.

DON'T WORRY. [ CHUCKLES ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ] GOD, YOU MAD AT ME.

[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]

OKAY. OKAY!

[ KNOCKING CONTINUES ]

WHO'S KNOCKING ON MY DOOR? LINDA? WHAT THE HELL?

LINDA?

[ BOTH MOANING ]

HI.

HI.

HOW ARE YOU?

KISS ME. WHAT?

I NEED TO SEE IF IT'S ‐‐ IF IT'S LIKE THE FIRST TIME.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT TIME.

OR THAT OTHER TIME.

[ MOANING ]

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

DO WHAT?

YOU MAKE MY TOES CURL WHEN YOU DO THAT.

UM...

LINDA...

CAN I HAVE MY HAND?

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I ‐‐

AND I ‐‐ AND I FINALLY GOT UP THE NERVE. [ LAUGHS ]

I SEE. I SEE! MMM.

I SEE. I SEE. AND I LIKE IT.

YOU DO?

YEAH. AND I LIKE YOU.

OKAY.

OKAY?

THAT'S ALL YOU GOTTA SAY IS "OKAY"?

WELL, THAT'S THE GOOD THING.

[ SIGHS ]

YEAH, IT IS.

LINDA, WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?

NOTHING.

YOU BEEN DRINKING?

NO.

BUT I ‐‐ BUT I'M ABOUT TO. YOU GOT SOME WINE?

I THINK I HID A BOTTLE IN THE KITCHEN.

OKAY, YEAH, GET ‐‐ GET IT.

HERE YOU GO.

[ GRUNTS ]

MMM.

HEY. HEY, HEY.

LINDA.

YEAH? WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING.

YOU SURE?

YEAH.

YOU LOOK SO NICE.

THANK YOU.

AND YOU SMELL SO GOOD.

LINDA, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M HERE.

DON'T ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS.

I'M STILL TRYING TO GET UP THE NERVE.

GET UP THE NERVE TO WHAT?

HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

OOH!

SAY WHAT?!

I WANT YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME RIGHT NOW

BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND.

OOH. I CAN'T.

SAY WHAT?

LINDA.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ME.

NOT LIKE THIS.

DO YOU WANT TO? LINDA...

IT'S A "YES" OR "NO" QUESTION.

OKAY. OKAY, OKAY. WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?

ALL I NEED IS AN ANSWER.

YOUR BATHROOM IS, LIKE, SO...

OOH. OH.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD COMPANY.

OH, WELL. UH...[ CHUCKLES ]

HI.

HI.

I'M KAREN.

[ imitates explosion ]

[ LAUGHS ]

YEAH.

UM, UM...

SO, PHILIP, IS THIS YOUR MOTHER?

NO. NO.

I'M LINDA.

[ Whispers ] OH! LINDA. [ CLEARS THROAT ]

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, LINDA?

THE FRONT DOOR?

[ CHUCKLES ]

GOOD ONE.

[ LAUGHING ]

SHE'S FUNNY LIKE YOU.

[ FORCED LAUGH ]

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD COMPANY. NO, IT'S...

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, NOT FOR LONG.

I AM GOING TO GO HOME.

OH! AH! [ CLEARS THROAT ]

I MEAN...OHH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW, I‐I REALLY DON'T LIKE THE ENERGY

IN THE CORNERS OF THIS HOUSE.

YEAH. SAY WHAT?

WELL, Y‐YOU REALLY NEED TO THINK ABOUT CHANGING YOUR CORNERS.

I MEAN, 'CAUSE THEY ARE, LIKE, HARD.

LIKE, REALLY HARD.

OH. WHAT?

OH, WELL, OKAY, I WAS IN THE BATHROOM,

AND I WAS ACTUALLY IN THE TUB. [ CHUCKLES ]

AND I WAS READING MY CRYSTALS. OH! HERE. GIVE ONE TO YOU.

HERE'S ONE FOR YOU. YEAH, I'M‐A LET YOU KEEP THAT.

OH.

OKAY. WELL, ANYWAY...

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY TOLD ME, PHILIP?

NO.

THEY SAID VE ARE NOT... [ Whispers ] COMPATIBLE.

WELL, MY HEART MUST GO ON.

[ GRUNTS ]

SO, UH, DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. [ GIGGLES ] 'KAY?

[ LAUGHS ] NO. GET YOUR CRAZY ASS OUTTA HERE.

EXCUSE ME?

OH, NOTHIN'. NOTHIN'.

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. [ CHUCKLES ]

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. GIVE ME HALF A SECOND.

I'LL HAVE A CAB FOR YOU.

OH! [ GIGGLES ]

NO, THAT'S ‐‐ TAXI!

[ LAUGHS ] YOU ARE SO SILLY!

NO, NO. I LIKE TO WALK BAREFOOT IN THE GRASS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A WAY OF BRINGING ME CLOSER WITH MOTHER NATURE.

WHO?

SHH. MMM.

[ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ]

YEAH. GIRL, YOU REALLY NEED TO WATCH THEM CORNERS.

FOR REAL. [ LAUGHS ] ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY! THANK YOU, NEW YORK! HEY!

CHANTEL'S IN THE HOUSE! PEACE! LOS ANGELES, I'LL SEE YA.

[ LAUGHS ] THANK YOU!

YEAH. BYE! ALL RIGHT.

TAKE THIS DAMN CRYSTAL! [ CLANK ]

OW!

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

GET OFF MY DAMN GRASS!

GO HOME NOW!

I‐I...DIDN'T MEAN TO RUIN YOUR DATE.

OH, YOU DIDN'T RUIN IT. THAT WAS THE DATE FROM HELL.

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

I'M SORRY. WHERE ARE YOUR KIDS?

AT THEIR AUNT'S. [ CLEARS THROAT ]

[ SIGHS ] I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FOOL.

WHY?

I SHOULD GO.

NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. STAY.

OKAY, WELL, CAN I HAVE THAT?

HERE.

HEY! HEY! WHOA! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HEY! HEY!

HEY, SLOW DOWN. SLOW DOWN.

[ SETS DOWN BOTTLE ]

[ COUGHS ]

SO SORRY. [ CHUCKLES ]

[ EXHALES ]

LINDA ‐‐ [ MUTTERS ]

LINDA, ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH. YEAH.

YEAH, I JUST...

I HAVE WANNA THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND,

JUST FOR ONE NIGHT.

OKAY, WHY THE CHANGE OF HEART?

YOU ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS, MAN!

I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT ‐‐

WHAT YOU'RE DOING...

IS MAKING ME THINK ABOUT IT.

I DON'T WANNA DO THAT.

OKAY, I WANT YOU TO RELAX AND JUST SLOW DOWN.

SLOW DOWN, ALL RIGHT?

NO. NO, NO, NO. LINDA. LINDA. LINDA.

SLOW DOWN. LINDA. NO, NO. NO, NO, NO.

SO WAIT, LET ME ‐‐ WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

SO HE HURT YOU, AND NOW YOU COME HERE.

SHH!

WHAT HAPPENED, LINDA? MNH! SHH!

JUST ANSWER... [ Whispers ] THE QUESTION.

WHAT?

DO YOU WANNA MAKE LOVE TO ME?

LINDA.

DO YOU?

YES.

THEN...DO IT! DAMN!

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU COME HERE AND DO SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET.

I'M NOT GONNA REGRET THIS.

LINDA, LOOK, OKAY...

YES.

I DO.

BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

BUT YOU JUST SAID ‐‐

LINDA, NOT LIKE THIS.

THEN LIKE WHAT, MAN?!

I TOLD YOU. I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DO SOMETHING ‐‐

DO ‐‐ W ‐‐

NO. NO, NO. [ PANTING ]

YOU'RE ALL FULL OF CRAP.

NO.

WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME.

AND DO NOT COMPARE ME TO HIM.

THEN MAKE LOVE TO ME. LINDA.

DAMN! YOU SO STRONG.

[ PANTING ]

LINDA, I CAN'T. NOT LIKE THIS.

GO HOME.

SO YOU WANNA HUMILIATE ME, TOO?

NO, LINDA.

LOOK, YOU'VE BEEN CELIBATE.

WHY YOU WANNA THROW ALL OF THAT OUT THE WINDOW?

BECAUSE YOU'RE HURT?

FINE. YOU DON'T WANNA MAKE LOVE TO ME?

WELL, MY EX WILL.

SO I'LL GO CALL HIM. LINDA.

WHY DO YOU WANNA DO THIS?

'CAUSE I WANNA FEEL ANYTHING...

ANYTHING BUT THIS HURT.

I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT IT.

I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT GOD

OR CHURCH OR THAT MAN.

OR THIS HURT.

I JUST WANNA BE HELD...

AND KISSED

AND LOVED.

LINDA.

I'M SORRY.

BUT HOLDING YOU?

I CAN DO.

KISSING YOU?

I CAN DO.

LOVING YOU?

GOD KNOWS I CAN DO.

BUT SEX? LIKE THIS?

I CANNOT DO.

[ Whispers ] OKAY.

OKAY, FINE.

[ SIGHS ]

LINDA ‐‐ MOVE.

NO. STAY, PLEASE.

RIGHT HERE. OKAY?

I'M RIGHT HERE. STAY.

STAY WITH ME. I NEED TO GO.

NO. NO. LET ME HOLD YOU.

JUST STAY. OKAY?

YEAH, LET ME HOLD YOU.

I'M HERE FOR YOU.

IT'S OKAY.