Original subtitles

I DON'T CARE WHAT SYLVIA AND RONNIE SAYS,

THIS SHIRT IS NOT MASCULINE.

AH! DANNY!

AH, THAT'S A NICE, MASCULINE SHIRT.

MAYBE IT IS. HMM.

WHAT IS IT?

WHY DID YOU DO THIS?

DO WHAT?

THIS!

UH...

WHAT IS THIS?

THEY ARE SOCKS.

YOU WASHED MY LUCKY SOCKS!

WELL, YOUR LUCKY SOCKS WERE STINKIN' UP THE LAUNDRY ROOM!

DON'T TOUCH MY TINGS!

LOOK, I JUST THREW THEM IN THE WASH.

THEY NEEDED TO BE CLEANED.

DON'T TOUCH MY TINGS!

THESE SOCKS WERE IRISH GREEN.

NOW, THEY'RE AMERICA... RED...ISH.

I WEAR THESE EVERY TIME

I GOT A BIG, BEAUTIFUL MEETING COMING UP.

AND THEY HAVE NEVER FAILED ME.

COURSE THEY NEVER FAILED YOU, 'CAUSE

THEY COULD STAND UP ON THEIR OWN.

SOME THINGS ON ME DON'T.

THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING!

WHY?

YOU DON'T WASH LUCKY SOCKS.

[ Irish accent ] YOU PROBABLY

WASHED ALL THE LUCK RIGHT OUT OF THEM!

I WISH I COULD WASH THE LEPRECHAUN RIGHT OUTTA YOU.

[ Normal voice ] OHH, YOU.

YEAH, I'M TELLIN' YOU, DANNY.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE A GOOD DAY.

STOP BEIN' SO SUPERSTITIOUS.

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

COME IN.

HI.

HI.

YOU GUYS ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.

WHAT?

SOMETHING REALLY AWFUL JUST HAPPENED.

SEE, DANNY? I TOLD YOU!

WHAT HAPPENED?

WAIT!

LET ME BRACE MYSELF.

DREW, WHAT ‐‐ WHAT IS IT?

I BROKE MY NAIL ON THE WAY OVER HERE.

YOU BROKE YOUR NAIL?

YES, MANIS AND PEDIS ARE NOT CHEAP, BOO.

THEY ARE IMPORTANT.

YOU SEE, SAM?

WHAT IS IT?

UNBLOCK YOUR EARS, IRISHMAN.

WHAT IS IT?

SHE BROKE HER NAIL.

AAH! AAH!

OH.

THAT'S IT? YEAH.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, WOW.

HELLO?

A LITTLE SYMPATHY HERE?

YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

DANNY WASHED MY LUCKY SOCKS.

AND HE THINKS SOMETHIN' BAD'S GONNA HAPPEN.

OOH!

WELL, THAT'S JUST ABOUT AS RIDICULOUS

AS THAT SHIRT SYLVIA AND RONNIE TOLD YOU TO GET.

CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BOUGHT THAT THING!

HMM. NOT EVEN LOCKED.

HEY, FLOYD.

HEY, Y'ALL!

GOT SOME BAD NEWS.

YOU ALL BEEN EVICTED.

ALL Y'ALL.

WHAT? YEAH.

Y'ALL GONNA HAVE TO MOVE UP OUTTA HERE.

WHAT? NO, NO.

LET ‐‐ LET ME SEE THAT.

SEE, DANNY? I TOLD YOU.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

ONE THING HAS NOTHIN' TO DO WITH THE OTHER.

YOU WANNA BET?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

DANNY WASHED MY SOCKS.

WHAT?

[ Irish accent ] ME LUCKY SOCKS!

SAM, GIVE THE SOCKS AND THAT FAKE ACCENT A REST!

[ SIGHS ] FLOYD, WHAT IS HAPPENING?

WELL, LOOK, YOU REMEMBER

MRS. NEEDLEMAN IN APARTMENT 7F?

YEAH, YEAH. I CAN'T STAND HER.

WELL, THEY FOUND MOLD IN HER APARTMENT.

[ SCOFFS ]

SHE IS MOLD.

[ LAUGHS ]

LIKE SOME OLD, AGED CHEESE!

[ CHUCKLES ] RIGHT?

YOU EVER SEE HER WALKIN' UP THE STAIRS?

MNH.

IT'S LIKE WATCHIN' SPOILED DAIRY

JUST KINDA SWAY IN THE WIND.

UGH! THAT'S JUST WRONG.

YEAH.

YUCK! LISTEN, JUST FINISH THE STORY.

WELL, ANYWAY,

THE LANDLORD GOT SUED BY HER BECAUSE SHE WAS ALWAYS SICK.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

SHE WAS ALWAYS SICK.

WHY ARE YOU SMILIN'?

'CAUSE I CAN'T STAND HER!

WELL, ANYWAY, THE LANDLORD GOT A COURT ORDER.

NOW, HE HAS TO EVICT EVERYONE OUT OF THE BUILDIN'

FOR TWO WEEKS IMMEDIATELY UNTIL THEY FIX THE MOLD PROBLEM.

HOLD UP, IMMEDIATELY?

YES, IMMEDIATELY.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. I'M NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE.

OH, WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, SAM.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED TO.

YOU'RE A MOLD SPORE!

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR A HOTEL.

AND NEITHER DO I!

DON'T LOOK AT ME. WE JUST PAID THE RENT.

THAT'S RIGHT!

IS SHE GONNA GIVE US OUR MONEY BACK?

HELL, NAW.

SHE AIN'T THAT KIND OF WOMAN.

NO, SHE'S NOT.

SHE TAKES IT ALL.

YOU SLEPT WITH HER, DIDN'T YOU?

IT WAS A LOW MONTH!

I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

DANNY HADN'T MOVED IN YET!

BELIEVE ME, I UNDERSTAND.

FLOYD, YOU SLEPT WITH HER, TOO?

TWICE.

I WAS DESPERATE.

AWW.

HELLO, MAGIC MICHAELS.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

GUESS WE JUST GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOMEPLACE ELSE TO STAY.

[ CLEARS THROAT MUSICALLY ]

WHY Y'ALL LOOKIN' AT ME?

BECAUSE ‐‐ BECAUSE THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE

IF YOU HADN'T HAVE LAUNDERED ME LUCKY SOCKS!

YOUR GRANDMOTHER?

WHAT ABOUT HER?

YEAH!

WHAT ABOUT HER?

SHE HAS THREE BEDROOMS!

SLEEPOVER, RIGHT? [ LAUGHS ]

NO, BUNK BUDDIES, RIGHT?

CRUNK BUDDIES! WHOO!

MAYBE DRUNK BUDDIES.

Y'ALL ARE CREEPIN' ME OUT AGAIN WITH THAT!

I'M STILL MAD ABOUT THIS.

WAIT.

THAT'S A BEDROOM FOR MY MOM, MY GRANDMA...

THAT ONLY LEAVES ONE BEDROOM LEFT.

NOT A PROBLEM. I'LL TAKE IT.

NOT SO FAST, FLOYD FACE.

SHE IS MY IN‐LAW.

YEAH, THAT YOU CAN'T STAND.

MM‐HMM.

TRUE THAT, TRUE THAT, TRUE THAT.

B‐B‐BUT SHE DOES HAVE A ROOF OVER HER HEAD.

I COULD STAND HER FOR THAT.

I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF STAYING IN THE SAME HOUSE

AS MISS HATTIE.

SAM'S RIGHT.

UH, AND THEN, SHE HAS MOTH BALLS!

I MEAN, EVERY TIME I WALK IN THERE,

IT'S LIKE I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE.

RIGHT? IT SMELLS OLD!

IT DOES SMELL OLD OVER THERE.

AND SHE PROBABLY CAN'T SMELL IT,

'CAUSE THE WITCH IS CONGESTED!

SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

JUST, DANNY, IT'S UP TO YOU.

YOU GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOUR GRANDMOTHER

CAN WE STAY OVER THERE?

WHY ME?

BECAUSE THIS WOULDN'T HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE

IF YOU HADN'T LAUNDERED ME LUCKY SOCKS!

YOU GUYS WANT ME TO ASK MY GRANDMOTHER

TO LET US ALL STAY IN HER HOUSE?

YES!

DANNY, YOU JUST HAVE TO.

COME ON, NEPHEW. FO' SHIZZLE.

I CAN'T. I MEAN, SHE'D KILL ME.

THEN THERE'D ONLY BE THREE!

NO, NO, NO. I'M ‐‐ I'M NOT DOIN' IT.

I DON'T KNOW.

GUESS WE JUST GONNA HAVE TO BE OUT IN THE COLD.

GONNA BE COLD ON THAT STREET CORNER.

AW, DON'T WORRY, SAM.

I'M SURE SOMEONE'LL PICK YOUR SLUTTY ASS UP.

HUH. IF I'M LUCKY.

AS LONG AS I'M WITH YOU, DREW, MAYBE SOME OLD RABID DOG

WILL THINK YOU'RE A BONE AND BRING YOU ON HOME.

TILL THEN, WE GOTTA WAIT UNTIL THAT GREAT GETTIN' UP MORNIN'.

E‐G‐E‐L‐L‐O‐C!

HEY!

BUT WE'LL ALL BE TOGETHER.

OKAY, OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY, WHAT?

I'LL ASK...

I'LL ASK HER.

AND SCENE!

AH!WHOO!

GREAT JOB, GUYS. ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S A WRAP. NICE!

THANK YOU SO MUCH, DANNY.

WE KNEW YOU CARED.

COMMUNITY THEATER WORKS!

YEAH.

YEAH, YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT THAT, YOU THESPIANS.

HEY!

DON'T PUT OUR BUSINESS OUT THERE LIKE THAT.

I TOLD YOU GUYS, IT WAS A SORORITY PARTY!

Y'ALL KNOW I'M A FREAK.

DANNY, SHE WON'T SAY NO TO YOU.

HAVE YOU MET MY GRANDMOTHER?

THIS IS THE SAME WOMAN THAT REFUSED BABY JESUS IN THE INN.

[ SIGHS ] I'LL ASK HER.

WHEN?

NOW. COME ON.

OKAY!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

[ WHINNIES ]

HEY!

PTCH! DOWN, GIRL.

WE GOTTA STUD THIS HORSE.

MNH.

TIE YOU UP RIGHT THERE.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO COME?

UH, HELLO. WE ALL NEED TO BE THERE.

SHE USES AND ABUSES ME!

YOU LIKE IT!

WORD.

YOU'RE COMING.

I'M NOT SETTIN' ONE ‐‐ FINE.

LET'S GO, COME ON.

YEAH.

Sam: GONNA LOCK UP, AND THEN WE'RE GONNA SOCK UP.

I GET TO RIDE DREW'S BACK FIRST.

IT WAS JUST IN THE BIBLE.

I DON'T WANNA GO INTO THE LION'S DEN.

DON'T DO IT.

COME ON, LITTLE DANIEL.

LET'S ‐‐ LET'S THINK THIS THROUGH.

GET IN THERE!

YOU WASHED MY...

HEY, DON'T PUSH ME!

HEY, GRANDMA! [ CHUCKLES ]

HEY, BABY!

HOW ARE YA?

I'M GOOD, BABY. HOW YOU?

OH, I'M GOOD.

YEAH?

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

AIN'T NOTHING GOIN' ON.

I JUST SITTIN' HERE, WATCHIN' ME A LITTLE TV.

OH, OKAY. IS MY MOM HERE?

YEAH, SHE HERE.

OH, GOOD. WHERE IS SHE?

SHE OVER THERE IN THE KITCHEN.

OKAY.

GRANDMA, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, RIGHT?

YEAH, BABY! I LOVE YOU, TOO!

YOU DO?

YEAH!

AWW!

NOW GET THE HELL OUT MY FACE.

THE HELL KIND OF FAMILY IS THIS?

YOU SAID WHAT? NOTHIN'.

OH, OKAY.

LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

HEY, MAMA.

HEY, BABY.

HOW ARE YA?

I'M OKAY.

OOH, YOU COOKIN'?

Y‐‐ UH, YES.

GOOD! [ CHUCKLES ]

WHAT BRINGS YOU BY?

OH, NOTHIN'.

YOU SURE?

YEAH, YEAH.

I WAS JUST COMIN' TO SEE YOU AND MY DARLING DEVIL GRANDMA.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

OKAY, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

WELL, WHAT IS IT?

THEY EVACUATED OUR APARTMENT.

WHY?

THEY FOUND MOLD.

EW, REALLY?

YEAH. AND WE NEED A PLACE TO STAY.

WHO IS "WE"?

UH, ME AND SAM. [ CHUCKLES ]

OH, WELL, SHE'LL LET Y'ALL STAY HERE.

AND UNCLE FLOYD.

SAY WHAT?

AND DREW. [ COUGHS ]

ARE YOU CRAZY?

NO.

DANNY?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE'LL SAY?

"HELL NO, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE

BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE. YOU NEED A MORTGAGE!

GET OUT OF MY FACE!"

MAMA!

BABY, THAT'S WHAT SHE GONNA SAY.

DID YOU HAVE TO HIT ME?

I'M YOUR MOTHER. IT'S MY JOB TO PREPARE YOU.

I TOLD THEM THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

TOLD WHO?

UNCLE FLOYD, DREW, AND SAM.

THEY SENT YOU IN HERE BY YOURSELF?

Y‐‐ DON'T LAUGH.

THEY SET YOU UP?

YES.

I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMIN'.

WHERE ARE THEY?

ON THE PORCH.

WAIT, WHERE YOU GOIN'?

WHERE YOU GOIN', MAMA? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

Y'ALL GET IN HERE.

LINDA?

MAMA, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

HEY, HATTIE MAE.

HEY, FLOYD.

HI, MISS HATTIE.

YOU LOOK SO NICE, OH, SO NICE.

I ‐‐ I ‐‐ I LIKE YOUR DRESS, BOO!

ER, NIGHTGOWN.

WHATEVER THAT THING IS.

IT LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOO.

OOH, I'MMA ENJOY THIS, TOO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH, MAMA, NO.

WHAT GOIN' ON, BABY?

OH, WE JUST CAME BY TO SEE YOU.

OH. OKAY.

MAMA, DANNY HAS SOMETHING HE WANTS TO SAY TO YOU.

WHAT IS IT, BABY?

NOTHIN'.

DO IT.

NO.

DO IT NOW!

DANNY, GET TO IT!

COME ON, NEPHEW. FO' SHIZZLE.

OKAY, OKAY.

OOH, THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.

JUST LEAVE ME TAKIN' BULLETS, MAMA.

GRANDMA...

YEAH, BABY?

DO YOU LOVE ME?

I DO. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU!

GOOD. IT'S NICE TO KNOW SOMEONE LOVES ME.

OOH, OOH, OOH.

WHY, YOU ‐‐ YOU LONELY, BABY?

NO, I'M A ‐‐ YES, I AM!

I'M LONELY.

SO LONELY, IT JUST GOT ME FEELIN' SO BAD.

OH!

SO, SO BAD.

OH!

[ FAKE CRYING ]

DA‐‐ DANNY! DON'T DO THAT, BABY.

OKAY.

DON'T DO THAT. YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD.

YEAH.

WHAT WRONG, BABE? WHAT IS IT?

IT'S ‐‐ IT'S TRUE, MAMA HATTIE.

WE ALL MISS YOU.

SO MUCH!

Y'ALL DO?

YEAH, MISS HATTIE.

WE DO.

THEY MISS YOU SO MUCH THAT THEY NEED TO STAY WITH YOU

FOR TWO WEEKS.

SAY WHAT?

GRANDMA, LOOK.

THEY FOUND MOLD IN OUR APARTMENT.

WE HAD TO EVACUATE FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS

UNTIL THEY FIX THE PROBLEM.

SAY WHAT?

CAN WE STAY WITH YOU?

HELL NO!

GET THE HELL OUTTA MY HOUSE BEFORE I PUT YOU OUT.

YOU NEED A MORTGAGE. GET THE HELL OUTTA MY FACE!

TOLD YA.

HATTIE, DON'T HIT THE BOY IN THE HEAD.

HE ALREADY SLOW.

FLOYD, I'MMA HIT ANYBODY IN THE HEAD

COME OVER HERE ASKIN' ME TO STAY AT MY PLACE.

FLOYD WILL PAY YOU.

GIRL, SHUT THE HELL UP!

HOW MUCH?

WE'LL PAY YOU WITH SAM!

OH, NO. BABY, YOU NEED A BIGGER BILL THAN THAT.

BAD CHANGE, HUH? [ CHUCKLES ]

MAMA HATTIE, PLEASE.

NO!

Y'ALL CAN'T STAY HERE TO GET AWAY FROM THE MOLD.

WELL, WHY NOT?

'CAUSE YOU LEAVIN' THE MOLD,

BUT YOU RUNNIN' DEAD INTO THE GAS!

WAIT, WHAT?

BABE, I GOT THE WORST CASE OF GAS YOU EVER SEEN BEFORE

IN YOUR LIFE.

[ ALL GROAN ]

MAMA, STOP IT, NOW. LET THEM STAY HERE.

IT'S ONLY TWO WEEKS. HELL, NO!

GET THE HELL OUTTA MY HOUSE BEFORE I PUT YOU OUT.

YOU NEED YOUR OWN MORTGAGE.

GET THE HELL OUTTA MY FACE!

[ CHUCKLES ] SAW THAT COMING.

BUT YOU MISSED THAT RIGHT ONE, DIDN'T YOU?

[ CHUCKLES ] THINK YOU'RE SO SMART, DON'T YOU, MAMA?

SO, YOU JUST GONNA LET US JUST STAY ALL OUT IN THE COLD, HUH?

JUST LIKE THE DEAR LORD LITTLE BABY JESUS.

NOW, Y'ALL GET UP OUTTA HERE.

CHILDREN, GO WHERE I SEND THEE!

WE'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE.

NOWHERE.

NOPE. RIGHT HERE.

OH, OKAY, WELL, I GUESS IT'S TIME

FOR ME TO START PUTTIN' OUT SOME GAS!

NO! NO! MNH‐MNH.

[ FARTS ]

OOH!

UGH! THAT RUPTURED LINE!

HIT ME LATE! [ HATTIE FARTS ]

OH, GOD!

COME ON, GUYS.

YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR DIAPER!

WHOO! PLEASE!

DAMN!

DAMN!

[ FARTS ]

WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

[ SIGHS ]

[ LINDA SIGHS ]

MNH, MNH, MNH.

I TOLD YOU, DANNY.

YEAH, YOU TOLD ME, MAMA.

BUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

I MEAN, WHERE ARE WE GONNA STAY?

LISTEN, I HAVE SOME MONEY SAVED UP.

YOU ALL CAN BORROW IT TO STAY IN A HOTEL.

OH! WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.

THE THREE OF US IN A ROOM.

FOUR.

UNCLE, Y‐YOU KNOW IT'S SAD

A MAN YOUR AGE DOESN'T SAVE AND HAS NOTHIN' TO SHOW FOR IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS SAD, DANNY?

THAT I WILL TAKE MY FIST AND PUT IT DOWN YOUR THROAT,

PULL YOUR ESOPHAGUS OUT AND CHOKE YOU WITH IT.

NOW, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT?

I'M GOOD.

I'LL GO GET THE MONEY.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. YEAH.

OH, OOH! CLOSE IT! CLOSE IT!

OH, NO DON'T FAN IT!

I CAN SEE IT DRIFT!