Original subtitles

OH, MY GOSH, YOU GUYS. GUESS WHAT?

WHAT? WHAT?

WE EAT AT THE SAME PLACE EVERY DAMN DAY!

YES, WE DO. [ CHAIR SCRAPES ]

I MEAN...[ SCOFFS ] CAN WE GO SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR LUNCH?

NO...WE CAN'T.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, DO YOU?

NO...I DON'T.

SAM, I DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING OR NOT DOING

WITH YOUR MONEY.

ME EITHER.

I HAVE MANNEY!

WHERE IS IT?

I GAVE IT TO A HOME...LESS PERSON.

OH, THAT ‐‐ THAT MAN THAT WAS OUT...

MM‐HMM.

SAM! THAT WAS REALLY SWEET!

YEAH, SO SWEET. HE'S LYING!

YOU GAVE ME YOUR MONEY, BECAUSE HE WOULD'VE HOMELESS

IF HE DIDN'T PAY THE RENT!

DAMN, SAM!

WHAT?

LOOK, STOP COMPLAINING AND LET'S ORDER SOMETHIN', PLEASE!

FINE.

[ Flatly ] HEY, WHAT CAN I GET YOU GUYS?

HEY, MAMA. WHY THE LONG FACE?

BABY, I'M JUST... I MEAN, I DON'T...[ SIGHS ]

SHE JUST CONFUSED 'CAUSE SHE GOT TWO MEN

AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH 'EM.

AW, SOOKIE, SOOKIE NOW. GO AHEAD, MISS LINDA.

GIRL, YOU BETTER PLAY THE FIELD, HONEY.

DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M YOUR AGE, LITTLE GIRL.

WELL, I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU LIKE YOU'RE MY AGE.

THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. [ CHUCKLES ]

I WAS TALKING TO YOU LIKE THEY WOULD TALK TO YOU

WHEN YOU WERE MY AGE.

IN THE EARLY '80s?

YOU KNOW, THE 1880s. SOUND FAMILIAR?

I'M‐A TAKE HER OUT.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S THE PROBLEM YOU HAVE WITH YOUR TWO MEN.

Drew: [ LAUGHING ]

I...

LEAVE ME ALONE.

WELL, NOW WHO'S GONNA TAKE OUR ORDER?

WHAT THE HELL I LOOK LIKE, SAM?

STUFF THAT WHEN...

MNH‐MNH. [ GRUNTS ]

YOU DON'T WANT ME TO ANSWER THAT.

YOU KNOW I'M BEAUTIFUL, SAM.

I LOOK 25 YEAR YOUNGER WHEN I'M LAYIN' ON MY BACK.

GRANDMA!

DREW, ALWAYS LAY ON YOUR BACK.

HMM.

I DON'T NEED TO LOOK LIKE I'M 25 YEARS YOUNGER.

I AM 25.

[ COUGHS ] SURE YOU ARE.

WHATEVER. WHAT Y'ALL WANNA EAT?

I'LL HAVE A HATTIE PATTY. MM.

AND YOU, SAM?

I'LL HAVE A CHEF ‐‐

I'LL HAVE THE... WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU, SAM?

IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.

WELL...

SEEING AS HOW THIS PLACE HAS A "D" RATING OUT FRONT,

I'LL JUST HAVE A SHAKE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, DREW? YOU NEED TWO OR THREE SHAKES.

WITH THAT SHAPE,

YOU NEED SEVERAL SHAKES TO GIVE YOU A SHAKE!

AND, UH, CAN I GET SOME KETCHUP AND MUSTARD, PLEASE?

DANNY, YOU WANT ANY KETCHUP?

NAH, I'M NOT USING CONDIMENTS.

WHAT, WHY?

I'M JUST NOT GONNA GIVE INTO THE TEMPTATION OF USIN' 'EM.

HUH.

OH, NO.

OH, LORD.

DANNY DON'T USE CONDOMS?

I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO TALK TO HIM.

AIN'T NO OTHER WAY TO DO IT. JUST GON' HAVE TO DO IT.

I'M SO SICK OF BEIN' MAMA AND DADDY TO EVERYBODY!

I KNOW I'M JUST GON' HAVE TO MAN UP AND PUT MY PANTS ON

AND GO AND DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION!

DANNY!

I NEED TO TALK TO YOUR DUMB ASS!

OKAY, LET ME START THIS OFF REAL SWEET.

HOW YOU DOIN', BABY?

UH, I'M GOOD.

YOU ENJOYING YOUR APARTMENT?

OH, YEAH! YEAH.

YOU HAVE, UH, HAVE LIL' GIRLS COME OVER AND EVERYTHING?

SOMETIMES. [ CHUCKLES ]

HA HA HA.

BUT THEY'RE ALL FOR ME.

DANNY, YOU ‐‐ YOU DO HAVE DATES AND EVERYTHING, RIGHT?

[ LAUGHS ]

HOLD ON. [ CONTINUES LAUGHING ]

I GOTTA MAKE A LAP.

AH! AH! NO.

YES.

WHEN?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THAT WOULD BE A "NO."

ZERO. ZILCH.

NADA!

NUNCA PARA TI!

DANNY, WE NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.

OKAY, WHAT IS IT?

YOU KNOW I DON'T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.

I JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY THINGS.

THAT'S IT AND THAT'S HOW I ROLL.

IT IS. [ CHUCKLES ]

THAT'S HOW I ROLL.

HEY, YOU TELL IT LIKE IT IS. YEAH, YOU RIGHT.

I TELL IT LIKE IT T‐I IS. YEAH, EH...

WE NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.

'BOUT WHAT? SEX!

SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS.

I'LL SAY.

I MEAN, YOUR GRANDMOTHER WANTS TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SEX.

EH, MAN. HOW LAME IS THAT?

UH, YEAH.

GRANDMA, YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANNA HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU.

WHY NOT? IT'S IMPORTANT, DANNY!

'CAUSE YOU'RE MY ‐‐ MY...

GRANDMOTHER! HELLO!

YOU SHOULD BE BAKIN' COOKIES AND KNITTIN' SWEATERS,

NOT TALKING ABOUT...

GOOD, HOT, BUTT‐NAKED, TWERKIN' SEX?

SICK TIME!

OKAY, LISTEN.

I LIKE TO TWERK BUTT‐NAKED JUST AS MUCH AS THE NEXT MAN,

BUT I DON'T WANNA HAVE THIS CONVERSATION.

YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE A CHOICE, DREW!

WE'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION!

NO, NO, I'M NOT.

AND IF YOU INSIST, GRANDMA, I'M GONNA LEAVE THIS PLACE.

DANNY, THIS IS IMPORTANT!

I DON'T CARE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS,

I'M NOT TALKIN' TO MY GRANDMOTHER ABOUT SEX!

BUT IT'S ONLY NATURAL!

FOR YOUNG PEOPLE! [ LAUGHS ]

FOR OLD PEOPLE, IT'S "AH! OOH! MILDRED! MY ‐‐ AH!

OOH, MY PACE ‐‐ " [ BLOWS RASPBERRY, GROANS ]

IT'S WRONG.

SHUT THE HELL UP, SAM.

ME AND YOU WILL TALK ABOUT SEX LATER.

WHY?

RIGHT NOW, DANNY, THIS IS IMPORTANT.

NO, GRA ‐‐ I DON'T CARE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS.

I'M NOT LISTENING.

DANNY. I'M NOT LISTENING.

LA LA LA LA LA... DA ‐‐

[ HUMMING ]

DID HE SING A SONG ON ME?

LA LA LA LA... OKAY.

OKAY, FINE.

FINE, DANNY. LA LA LA...

FINE!

HEY, WHAT ‐‐ HEY ‐‐ HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

WHAT IS DANNY DOIN'?

NOT WRAPPIN' IT UP!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, FLOYD.

I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS WITH A MAN!

A MAN?

UH, YEAH!

WELL, WHAT AM I?

DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO ANSWER THAT, FLOYD?

YES, SIR, I DO, BRUH.

I SAID, "I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS WITH A MAN!"

LINDA!

SOMETHIN' YOU AIN'T TELL ME?

MAMA, I'M WITH CUSTOMERS. THEN LET THEM WAIT!

I NEED TO TALK TO MY DAUGHTER.

MAMA, YOU'RE NOT GONNA STAY IN BUSINESS

TREATIN' CUSTOMERS LIKE THIS.

GIRL, SHUT THE HELL UP. I'VE BEEN IN BUSINESS 45 YEAR.

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW.

ME NEITHER, ESPECIALLY DOIN' ALL THIS.

WHAT IS IT, MAMA?

THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW.

LINDA...

YES, MAMA.

LINDA... WHAT?

LINDA...

WHY YOU KEEP CALLIN' MY NAME?

LINDA...

SLAP HER!

I WISH THE HELL SHE WOULD.

SHE'D BE PICKIN' HER FACE UP OFF THAT FLOOR WITH HER TOES!

'CAUSE SHE GON' HAVE NO FINGER LEFT!

WHAT IS IT, MAMA?

IT'S IMPORTANT. WE NEED TO TALK.

ABOUT WHAT?

IT'S ABOUT YOUR SON.

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

IT'S BAD.

WHAT IS IT?

LOOK AT HIM!

WHAT?

IT'S BAD.

WHAT'S BAD, HATTIE?

IT MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD, FLOYD.

I MEAN, MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD.

WHAT, WITCH?

LINDA...

IT'S DANNY.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT HIM? NO. NO.

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN ASKIN' HER.

SHE WON'T TELL ME WHAT'S GOIN' ON.

FINE, FINE.

YOU GOT A TABLE OVER THERE IN SECTION EIGHT ANYWAY.

SO WHAT? Y'ALL JUST GONNA LEAVE IT LIKE THAT?

YOU WON'T TELL US WHY YOU WHININ'.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU, IT'S DANNY.

YOU SAID THAT.

LINDA, HE DOIN' SOMETHIN' SO DANGEROUS.

WHAT IS IT, MAMA?

LINDA, I HEARD IT WHEN HE SAID IT.

HE SAID HE NOT USING CONDOMS.

Linda and Floyd: WHAT?!

I'M TELLIN' Y'ALL. I HEARD IT WITH MY OWN EARS.

HE AIN'T USIN' NO WUBBAS.

WHAT'S A WUBBA?

RUBBER!

UH, YOU WANNA RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN?

I'M TELLIN' YOU. I HEARD IT.

HE SAID, "I DON'T USE CONDOM."

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT, NOW?

YEAH!

HE SAT RIGHT OVER THERE AND JUST TOLD SAM AND DREW THAT.

I HEARD HIM WHEN HE SAID IT.

THAT CAN'T BE. I KNOW IT CAN'T BE.

AIN'T NOBODY TRYIN' TO SLEEP WITH DANNY.

UNCLE FLOYD.

I'M JUST SAYIN'.

MY BABY IS CUTE.

SOMEBODY MIGHT BE TRYIN' TO GIVE IT...TO HIM.

AIN'T NOBODY TRYIN' TO SLEEP WITH DANNY ‐‐

UNLESS...

UNLESS WHAT?

HIM AND SAM ARE AWFULLY DAMN CLOSE.

STOP IT, UNCLE FLOYD. I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM.

HOW YOU GONNA DO THAT?

I'M JUST GONNA GO ASK HIM. NO!

YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

YOU DON'T WALK OVER THERE AND TALK TO YOUR SON

IN FRONT HIS FRIENDS LIKE THAT!

AND WHY NOT? 'CAUSE THAT'S EMBARRASSING!

WE CHANGED HIS DIAPERS! RIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT. WE CHANGED HIS...

WELL, HOLD ON.

MAMA, YOU DIDN'T CHANGE HIS DIAPERS.

THE HELL YOU TRYIN' TO SAY?

YOU DIDN'T.

GIRL, STOP ALL THAT LYIN'.

YOU DIDN'T, MAMA, EVEN WHEN I WAS SICK.

YOU ‐‐ I SAID, "MAMA, CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME WITH THE BABY

AND CHANGE HIS DIAPER?"

YOU SAID, "HELL NO, I AIN'T CHANGIN' NO BABY DIAPER!"

SOUND LIKE YOU. NO, NO, NO.

NOW WHAT I SAID WAS, "GET YOUR SICK ASS UP,

"GO OVER THERE, CHANGE THAT BABY DIAPER.

I DIDN'T HAVE HIM. YOU DID."

SO I DIDN'T THINK THAT IT WAS FAIR THAT I SHOULD HAVE TO SMELL

HIS SH ‐‐ HEY!

WE GET IT, MAMA.

AND DON'T FORGET IT!

BUT LOOK,

I BELIEVE THAT I SHOULD TALK TO HIM, MAN TO MAN.

WELL, FLOYD, YOU GON' BE SHORT A MAN.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT HE'LL EVENTUALLY CATCH UP.

I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT YOU!

LOOK, LOOK.

I KNOW YOU THINK YOU GOT MORE HAIR ON YOUR CHINNY CHIN CHINS

AND YOUR BACK

AND YOUR CHEST AND UNDERARMS,

BUT LOOK,

I THINK I'M MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE TALKIN' TO MY LIL' NEPHEW.

I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THIS. NOW I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM.

NO, YOU WON'T.

LOOK, I SAID, "THIS IS A MAN THING," OKAY?

I CAN'T BELIEVE DANNY. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN SO RESPONSIBLE.

YEAH.

BUT HE'S STILL GOT TO PROTECT HIS SELF AND WRAP IT UP.

I'M NOT TALKIN' ABOUT THAT, MAMA.

I WANNA KNOW WHO HE'S HAVIN' SEX WITH.

I DON'T KNOW!

HE HADN'T EVEN INTRODUCED THE GIRL TO ME.

HA HA, GIRL. AS I SAID...

STOP IT, UNCLE FLOYD. I NEED TO TALK TO HIM.

I SAID I WOULD DO THAT. FINE. WHEN?

WELL, LATER ON THIS EVENIN'.

NO, FLOYD, UNH‐UNH.

THIS CAN'T WAIT TILL THIS EVENIN'. NAH.

LOOK, I'LL STOP BY HIS APARTMENT LATER,

'CAUSE I DON'T WANNA DO THIS IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS

AND EVERYTHING. THAT'LL BE EMBARRASSIN'.

YEAH. I GUESS YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.

GOOD.

DANNY!

UH ‐‐ HATTIE! HATTIE, NO!

COME ON, NOW. STOP DOIN' ALL THAT.

MAMA, I AGREE WITH UNCLE FLOYD. THIS IS A MAN THING.

I THINK YOU NEED TO LET HIM TALK TO HIM.

THANK YOU.

YOU GO AHEAD. YOU GO AHEAD.

I'M‐A STEP BACK.

BUT BELIEVE ME, IF YOU AIN'T GOT THIS HERE,

I'M‐A HAVE TO COME INTO THE SITUATION.

I'M GON' DEAL WITH THE SITUATION.

TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, BRUH.

I SAY I GOT THIS, DUDE. ALL RIGHT?

CHILL, MAN.

HEY, NEPHEW.

OH, HEY. YEAH.

HEY, LOOK HERE.

UM, WHAT YOU DOIN' LATER ON THIS EVENING?

OH, WE'RE PLAYING BOARD GAMES.

BUT I WILL BE BORED BECAUSE THERE WON'T BE

ANY BROADS ON THE BOARD.

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH! OOH!

ANYWAY, UM...

I'M‐A STOP BY THE APARTMENT A LITTLE BIT LATER ON, OKAY,

BECAUSE, UH, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

SAM DID IT! HE DID ALL OF IT!

WHAT?!

YEAH, I SAW HIM! NO, HEY!

WHAT'S WRONG? NOTHING!

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! OKAY?!

THE COPS WERE THERE BEFORE I ARRIVED!

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT GIRL!

EVERYONE WAS ALIVE BEFORE I LEFT THAT BUILDING, OKAY?

IT'S JUST A RASH.

COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

USUALLY WHEN YOU WANNA TALK TO US

IT'S BECAUSE HE DID SOMETHING WRONG. IT WAS HIM.

MM‐HMM.

NO.

HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING... THIS TIME.

OH, GREAT. [ LAUGHS ] OH, GREAT.

SAM, YOU... COOL.

HAVE A SEAT, BUDDY. TAKE A LOAD OFF.

YEAH. SIT YOUR CRAZY ASS DOWN.

MM‐HMM. HA HA HA.

RIGHT, HA. UH.

I AM NOT GOIN' BACK TO ALABAMA ANY TIME SOON.

OKAY. UM...

SO WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

WELL, DANNY, I WANNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE, UM...

HOW SHOULD I PUT IT?

THE HORIZONTAL MAMBO? [ CHUCKLES ]

NO, THAT'S THE CHA‐CHA, AND I'M REALLY GOOD AT THAT.

WHY IS THAT NOT SURPRISING?

UM...NO.

UH, HOW SHOULD I PUT IT?

MAYBE THE, UH, PARKING THE CAR IN THE GARAGE

AND NOT BRINGING THE DOOR DOWN?

I ALWAYS CLOSE THE DOOR. WHAT?

OH, WEE, TEE. UM...

MAYBE, UM...POPPING THE TENT

AND NOT PUTTIN' THE NYLON OVER IT?

[ CHUCKLES ] OH, MY GOSH.

I'M DATING A GUY ONLINE WHO SAYS HE WANTS TO DO ALL OF THOSE

THINGS WITH ME! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

UM, ACTUALLY, REMIND ME TO CUT YOUR WI‐FI OFF.

BUT UM...

I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT IS TURNING...

IT'S TURNING ME ON.

NOPE, NOPE. I'M PAST THAT POINT.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. UNCLE FLOYD, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

YEAH, WE WANNA KNOW.

SEX, DANNY. SEX! AH.

WELL, WHY IS EVERYONE TALKIN' TO ME ABOUT SEX TODAY?

I KNOW, RIGHT?

FIRST YOUR GRANDMOTHER, NOW YOUR UNCLE?

THIS JUST GETS SADDER AND SADDER BY THE MINUTE.

I'LL SAY.

WHAT IS IT?

COME ON. OUT WITH IT! PLEASE.

LOOK, YOUR GRANDMA OVERHEAD YOU SAYIN'

THAT YOU DON'T USE CONDOMS.

WHAT? YEAH.

OOH. THAT'S NICE.

N‐NO, IT'S NOT! SHE...

WELCOME TO THE TEAM, BRO.

WAIT A MINUTE.

SHE OVERHEARD YOU TALKIN' TO DREW AND SAM

THAT YOU DON'T USE...

CONDIMENTS.

CONDIMENTS.

KETCHUP, MUSTARD, HOT SAUCE.

BARBECUE AIOLI. CONDIMENTS!

WOW. IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?

YES.

HOLD ON A SECOND.

HATTIE MAE!

YEAH?

OH, OH, OH.

WHAT ‐‐ WHAT'D HE SAY?

HE SAID HE DOESN'T USE CONDIMENTS!

CONDIMENTS?

CONDIMENTS? YES.

I'M NOT USIN' THEM 'CAUSE HOT SAUCE GIVES ME HEARTBURN.

SO HE SAID "CONDIMENTS"?

I THOUGHT HE SAID HE WASN'T USE NO CONDOM.

GRANDMA, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?

YEAH. BUT YOU STILL GOTTA WRAP IT UP.

I KNOW, GRANDMA.

I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT CONDOMS ARE.

OHH. GOOD. GOOD, BABY. YEAH.

BUT HE DOESN'T USE 'EM!

OH, HELL NO! YOU ‐‐ YOU ‐‐ YOU DON'T?

NO!

HE DOESN'T BUCKLE UP, SADDLE UP, MAN UP.

HE DOESN'T HAVE SEX.

GOOD, BABY, GOOD. NO, NO, NO.

IT'S NOT GOOD. HE NEEDS TO.

YOU'RE SUCH A GIRLY MAN.

BABY, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

YOU CAN BE CELIBATE LIKE YOUR MAMA.

MM.

WE CAN BE MOMMY AND SON CELIBACY...PARTNERS.

EW. CELIBATES MOTEL.

I WILL BE, MOM,

UNTIL THE RIGHT GIRL COMES ALONG.

[ COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT ]

SORRY ABOUT THAT. [ GRUNTS ]

WHATEVER!

YOU STILL NEED TO WRAP IT UP, DANNY, YOU HEAR ME?

YES, MA'AM.

HMM. FROM THE SOUND OF DREW'S COUGHS,

SOUND LIKE SHE NEED TO USE CONDOMS HERSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT, FLOYD?

I SURE WISH YOUR DADDY WOULD'VE USED A CONDOM!

GETS ON MY DAMN NERVES!