Original subtitles

HEY, FLIP.

IT'S PHILIP.

THAT WHAT I SAID, FLIP.

HOW YOUR DAUGHTER DOING? SHE DOING PRETTY GOOD?

YES, MA'AM. YEAH.

LINDA TOLD ME SHE COOKED DINNER FOR Y'ALL THE OTHER NIGHT.

SHE DID.

YEAH. IT MADE ME FEEL SO SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THAT.

WHY?

BECAUSE SHE CAN'T COOK WORTH A DAMN!

SHE DID GREAT. YEAH.

SHE MUST'VE READ THE DIRECTIONS ON THE BACK OF THAT BOX, TOO.

SAY WHAT?

AH!

DON'T WALK UP ON ME LIKE THAT, GIRL.

ACTUALLY, I MADE IT ALL FROM SCRATCH.

YEAH, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'D BE DOING

AFTER I EAT YOUR COOKING ‐‐ ITCHING AND SCRATCHING.

YOU, TOO?

YEAH, I GET DIGGING AND CARRYING ON.

YOU SEE ALL THIS? I'M BREAKING OUT.

YEAH, THAT WHY I KEEP HER ASS OUT THE KITCHEN.

HERE YOU GO.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KEEP IT.

REALLY?

MM‐HMM.

HOW MUCH IS THAT?

GET OUT MY BUSINESS, UNCLE FLOYD.

LOOKED LIKE HE FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO LEAVE A GOOD TIP.

[ CHUCKLES ] THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SOME MEAL THE OTHER NIGHT.

OR A MEAN DESSERT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OR A MEAN TWERK.

UNH‐UNH. UH, STOP. DON'T DO IT.

WAIT, QUIT. BEFORE LUNCH? NO.

COME ON, NOW.

[ SIGHS ] ANYWAY, LISTEN.

CAROLINE HAS A PROJECT DUE TODAY,

AND PJ HAS A DENTIST APPOINTMENT TOMORROW AT 3:00.

OKAY, HOW DO YOU REMEMBER ALL OF THAT?

I'M A WOMAN.

YES, YOU ARE. AN AMAZING ONE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

BOY, GO AHEAD.

STOP!

[ LAUGHING ]

[ BOTH MIMIC LAUGHING ]

I THINK HE HEAR.

LINDA, COME OUT OF THAT DAMN KITCHEN!

YOU GONNA HAVE THESE CUSTOMERS

ITCHING AND SCRATCHING AND CARRYING ON!

[ CHUCKLES ]

HEY, BRO, YOU LIKE HER, DON'T YOU?

WHO, HATTIE?

NO.

[ SIGHS ]

NO.

YOU AIN'T FOOLING NOBODY, BRO.

COME ON, MAN. YOU LIKE HER.

LINDA? YEAH.

SHE COOL.

BRO, WHO YOU FOOLING, MAN?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU LIKE HER.

I JUST, UM...

I JUST, UM...

ASK HER OUT.

NAH.

SHE'S WITH THAT WILL GUY.

AND?

I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GUY.

THEY'RE NOT MARRIED.

I KNOW THAT.

IT'S NOT EVEN THAT SERIOUS, MAN.

IT ISN'T?

NO!

REALLY? YES!

SO, YOU THINK I SHOULD ASK HER OUT?

YES!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

I DO, BUT...

BUT WHAT?

I NEED TO ASK HER SON.

SAY WHAT?

YOU SAY YOU NEED TO DO WHAT?

I NEED TO TALK TO HER SON.

OH, NO.

WHAT?

SO, YOU'RE INTERESTED IN HER SON NOW?

YES.

NO!

NOT LIKE THAT!

OOH!

OKAY, COOL.

[ SIGHS ]

SO, I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO SAY?

I'M SAYING I WAS RAISED BY A SINGLE MOTHER,

AND I WAS VERY PROTECTIVE OVER HER.

YOU SAW HOW HE STEPPED TO ME THE OTHER DAY.

YEAH, LIKE A SHORT, BOW‐LEGGED BULL DOG.

EXACTLY.

MM‐HMM.

BUT...

OH, OKAY.

I SEE, I SEE, I SEE.

YOU SEE WHAT? MM‐HMM.

THIS PART OF YOUR LITTLE GAME RIGHT HERE.

MM‐HMM.

THIS AIN'T NO GAME.

[ SCOFFS ] BRO, PLEASE.

YOU GONNA GO AND GET TO THE SON FIRST, RIGHT,

AND THEN YOU GONNA HAVE THE MAMA TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

I LIKE THIS, I LIKE THIS.

NO, FLOYD, NO. THIS AIN'T NO GAME.

SO, YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK TO HER SON FIRST?

YES.

AND THIS REALLY AIN'T NO GAME?

NO.

REALLY?

NO.

OKAY.

BUT, REALLY, IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME AT ALL.

LOOK...

I WISH MY MOTHER HAD COME TO ME

BEFORE SHE WENT OUT WITH SOME OF THESE JERKS.

OH, SO YOU A JERK.

NO.

LOOK, THAT'S WHY I WANT TO TALK TO DANNY.

YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THAT.

WHY?

HE...DON'T...LIKE...YOU!

HE ONLY MET ME ONCE.

YEAH, BUT...

YEAH, BUT THAT WAS A DISASTER.

I MEAN, HE CAN'T JUDGE ME AFTER MEETING ME ONCE.

HE...DON'T...LIKE... NO...DAMN...BODY!

THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I WAS WITH MY MOTHER.

THAT'S WHY I WANT TO TALK TO HIM.

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS, BRO?

YES.

SO, HOW CAN I REACH HIM?

WELL, HE'S REALLY NOT THAT DIFFICULT TO REACH,

'CAUSE, I MEAN, HE'S KIND OF SHORT,

SO YOU CAN EITHER REACH DOWN, REACH UP...

NO. HOW DO I GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM, FLOYD?

OH, OKAY.

WELL, ACTUALLY, HE WORKS AT THIS FIRM CALLED BEAGAL & STEVE.

NOW, I GIVE YOU THE ADDRESS IF YOU REALLY SURE ABOUT THIS.

I'M SURE, YES.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I GUESS I'LL GIVE YOU THE ADDRESS.

COME ON. WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD UP.

YOU HAD YOUR SHOTS?

YES.

COOL. I GOT A MUZZLE IN THE BACK FOR YOU, TOO.

AH.

[ KEYBOARD CLACKS ]

WILL YOU PLEASE PAY ATTENTION?

I AM.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

THIS IS MY "PAY ATTENTION" FACE.

THAT'S YOUR "YOU'RE A PERV" FACE.

LOOK, SAM, YOU'RE NOT EVEN LOOKING AT THIS, ALL RIGHT?

THIS PROJECT IS VERY IMPORTANT.

WELL, SO IS MY BEAUTY REST.

MORE LIKE BOOTY REST.

YEAH, I NEED TO REST SO I CAN TAP THAT BOOTY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA GET YOU SOME COFFEE.

YOU NEED TO STAY AWAKE. YEAH.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Philip: HELLO?

HEY, UM, YOU'RE ‐‐ YOU'RE THE GUY FROM THE DINER.

YES.

HI. I'M DREW.

I'M PHILIP.

CAN WE HELP YOU?

YES. I'M HERE TO SEE DANNY.

DANNY, THERE'S A BIG, STRONG, BLACK...

DON'T.

...COFFEE.

I LIKE MY COFFEE STRONG, BLACK, AND BIG.

HI.

HI.

CAN I HELP YOU?

I'M PHILIP.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YES, I AM.

OH, YOU'RE THE MAN THAT KEEPS LOOKING AT MY MAMA.

ABOUT THAT.

ABOUT‐FACE!

FORWARD MARCH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I LOVE A MAN THAT GIVES ME ORDERS.

SOUND OFF, DREW.

ONE, DREW, THREE, FOUR.

ONE, DREW, THREE, FOUR!

OKAY, I'M SORRY. WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

YEAH, THIS IS AWKWARD.

WAIT!

I FIGURED IT OUT!

YOU'RE HIS DAD.

WAIT. WHAT?

NO.

OH, THANK GOD.

AH, I'LL SAY.

THAT'D MEAN DANNY WAS GONNA BE BALD.

YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER.

[ Laughing ] THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.

WHAT ABOUT MY MOTHER?

WELL, I WANT TO ASK HER OUT.

YOU DO?

WELL, YOU KNOW SHE'S NOT HERE, RIGHT?

YEAH, I KNOW.

SEE, LOOK, I RAISED BY A SINGLE PARENT,

AND I WISHED THAT EVERY GUY SHE WENT OUT WITH

CAME AND ASKED ME FIRST,

BECAUSE I WAS VERY PROTECTIVE OVER HER, JUST LIKE YOU, DANNY.

DANIEL.

I'M SORRY. DANIEL.

YEAH. DANIEL IN THE LION'S DEN.

HE SLEW THE LION.

YEAH.

YOUR NAMESAKE HAD THE LORD SHUT THE LION'S MOUTH,

AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE SLAUGHTERED!

WOW, PHILIP, THIS IS DIFFERENT.

I LIKE IT.

YEAH, IT'S DIFFERENT.

IT'S A LITTLE SICK, IF YOU ASK ME.

NO.

IT'S CHARMING.

WAIT, WAIT. YOU WANT TO MARRY MY MOM?

NO.

I JUST WANT TO ASK HER OUT ON A DATE.

AND YOU'RE ASKING ME?

YES, MAN TO MAN.

THAT WOULD BE CORRECT.

BUT THAT MAN IS IN A CUTE, LITTLE VEST.

SO, OUT OF RESPECT FOR YOU, I'M ASKING YOU.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

NO.

NO?

NO. THANKS FOR COMING. NOW BYE.

DANNY!

I SAID BYE. NOW GO.

YOU HEARD THE...

...MAN IN THE VEST.

OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

NO, DREW, HE ‐‐ HE SHOULD GO.

NO, NO. NOW HOLD ON A SECOND.

HE'S ‐‐ HE'S REALLY STRONG [CHUCKLES]

LIKE A ROCK.

THIS MAN IS BUILT TO LAST.

EVERYBODY RELAX, OKAY? JUST WAIT.

I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO JUST WAIT RIGHT HERE, OKAY, BROTHER?

WAIT IT ON OUT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

JUST ‐‐ WHOA. I LIKE THAT.

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

JUST STAY RIGHT HERE FOR A LITTLE BIT LONGER.

HA! OH, HE'S REAL TOUGH.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

JUST GO ON OUT, GO ON OUT, HEAD ON OUT.

OKAY, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO JUST WAIT OUT THERE FOR A SECOND.

THAT'S A LITTLE WAITING AREA.

GOOD. YOU GOOD? YOU COMFY? OKAY, COOL, GREAT.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS, DREW.

WELL, YOU NEED TO.

NO, HE DOESN'T. THIS IS SO LAME.

A MAN ASKING IF HE CAN DATE HIS MOTHER?

NO, IT'S NOT.

IT'S RESPECTFUL, AND IT'S QUITE KIND.

DANNY, YOU NEED TO GIVE THIS MAN THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

BECAUSE HE CARED ENOUGH TO ASK YOU FIRST.

AWW!

THIS IS A BUNCH OF CRAP!

I'M WITH SAM.

THANK YOU, BUDDY.

YOU NEED TO RESPECT THIS.

HAS A MAN EVER DONE THIS BEFORE?

NO.

EXACTLY.

SO, YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS, OKAY?

LET THE NICE, ATTRACTIVE, BALD MAN TAKE YOUR MOM OUT.

DREW...

ONE DATE, DANNY. JUST ONE.

[ SIGHS ] OKAY.

GOOD. BUT...

BUT WHAT?

BUT I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.

YEAH!

GET HIM!

WHOOP THAT!

HE'S ALL YOURS.

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

I'M AN ELECTRICIAN.

OH, YEAH? FOR WHOM?

I OWN MY OWN COMPANY.

OOH, HE'S A BUSINESSMAN!

THAT'S A PLUS.

I GOT THIS.

MY BAD.

AND WHERE? HOW LONG YOU BEEN DOING THIS?

YEAH?

OH, ABOUT 18 YEARS.

OH!

MEANS YOU GOT GOOD BENEFITS.

YEAH.

AND A STRONG BACK!

SO, HE CAN BREAK THAT BACK!

HA!

WEAR IT OUT [CHUCKLES] ONLY IF YOU WANT TO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

TURNED DOWN FOR WHY.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

NOT TOO FAR FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

AH, THAT'S SCARY.

YOU MARRIED?

I'M A WIDOWER.

AW, THAT'S SAD.

BUT KIND OF CUTE.

KIDS?

TWO.

HOW OLD?

NINE AND 13.

I THINK YOU MET MY DAUGHTER THE OTHER DAY.

SHE WAS THE ONE BEING BULLIED.

OH, THAT WAS HER?

YEAH.

SHE'S SO CUTE.

ISN'T SHE? YEAH.

AW. AW. [ CHUCKLES ]

STAY FOCUSED, DANNY!

I AM FOCUSED.

THEY ARE PROBABLY BRATS.

YOU DIDN'T TALK TO MY MOTHER ABOUT THIS?

NO.

AND YOU REALLY CAME TO ME FIRST?

YES.

Drew: SEE?

I TOLD YOU.

BECAUSE YOU CAME TO ME LIKE A MAN,

YOU CAN ASK MY MOM OUT.

REALLY?

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

SOMETHING ABOUT THIS DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT, DANNY.

DON'T BACK DOWN ‐‐ NEGOTIATE!

DON'T BE THE GOVERNMENT!

OKAY.

HAVE HER HOME BY 10!

YEAH, MEET THAT DEADLINE.

YEAH.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

AND NO LOUD MUSIC IN THE CAR.

WHAT?!

MY MOM'S EARDRUMS ARE SENSITIVE.

NO LOUD MUSIC!

YEAH!

OKAY.

YOU'LL SEE I'M A GOOD GUY.

YOU BETTER BE.

BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE MY WING MAN ON SATURDAY.

AH!

THINGS MUST HAVE GONE WELL WITH DANNY.

I SEE YOU HERE TO ASK LINDA OUT.

YES, SIR. HOW DO I LOOK?

THESE YOUR GOOD CLOTHES?

MAN, THIS IS SILK.

LIKE THE GROUP?

LOOK AT YOU.

GOT YOUR LITTLE CAPTAIN SHOULDER BARS AND EVERYTHING.

I GUESS YOU LOOK ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.

YOU GOOD, THOUGH.

OH, HEY!

[ SINGING INDISTINCTLY ]

HELLO.

HEY, DON'T YOU LOOK NICE. IS THIS SILK?

[ CHUCKLES ]

GOT YOUR LITTLE CAPTAIN SHOULDERS AND EVERYTHING.

WELL, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL YOURSELF.

OH, THIS OLD THING?

HERE IN THE CONGO,

WE ARE WATCHING THE ZEBRA IN ITS NATURAL HABITAT.

[ IMITATES ZEBRA ]

WELL, YOU MAKE IT LOOK GREAT.

THANK YOU. NOW, YOU KNOW WE'RE CLOSING.

YES, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING I WANTED TO ASK YOU.

OH, HEY, BABY.

COME HERE.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU.

[ BLOWS ]

I'M THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WORLD.

YEAH, YOU SURE ARE.

OH.

THIS IS PHILIP, MY FRIEND I TOLD YOU ABOUT,

WHOSE DAUGHTER I'VE BEEN HELPING.

FRIEND.

WHAT'S UP?

COME ON, BABY, WE NEED TO GO.

SO, WHERE Y'ALL GOING?

OH, HE'S TAKING ME TO THE NEW FLY HIGH RESTAURANT.

[ CHUCKLES ] THAT PLACE UP IN THERE?

YOU BEEN THERE?

OH, FREQUENTLY.

SO, WHAT SHOULD WE ORDER?

I SAY I BEEN THERE. I AIN'T ORDER NOTHING TO EAT.

[ CHUCKLES ] I, UH, WIRED THE BUILDING.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

YOU'RE AN ELECTRICIAN?

THAT'S RIGHT. YES.

I'M AN ENGINEER.

OKAY, BABY, WE BETTER GO.

BYE, PHILIP.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ SINGS INDISTINCTLY ]

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I'M SO SORRY, FLIP.

IT'S PHILIP.

THAT WHAT I SAID, FLIP.

HOW YOU HEAR THAT ALL THE WAY BACK IN THE BACK?

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I HEAR EVERYTHING.

THAT'S RIGHT.

DOG HEARING.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW SHE'S PART AFGHAN.

[ LAUGHS ] THAT WAS FUNNY, THAT WAS.

HE TICKLED ME THEN.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHO ‐‐ WHO WAS THAT?

THAT'S WILL.

I DON'T LIKE HIM, NEITHER.

MAN, I DON'T LIKE HIM.

YEAH.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

I GET VIBES.

YOU KNOW, THAT THE SAME THING DANNY SAID.

REALLY?

YEAH.

I'M GOING HOME.

OKAY.

HEY, PHILIP, DON'T GIVE UP ON LINDA SO FAST, ALL RIGHT?

WHAT?

YEAH.

I REALLY WANT YOU TO BE TOGETHER.

IT LOOKED LIKE SHE MADE HER CHOICE.

WELL, CHANGE IT.

OKAY, HOW DO I DO THAT?

MAN, THE TRICKS I COULD TEACH YOU.

WHOO!

AND, MAN, YOU GONNA BE TRICKED WITH STREP THROAT AND MONO

FOOLING WITH FLOYD.

AMOXICILLIN KILLS ALL THE VILLAINS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AND PENICILLIN KEEPS YOU WILLIN'.

WELL, I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT,

BUT, UM, I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

YOU DO THAT.

HE LOOK SO SAD.

HE LOOK REAL SAD.

LINDA MADE HIM FEEL SO BAD.

YEAH.

KIND OF MADE YOU FEEL SO BAD.

YEAH, I FEEL BAD, TOO.

HOW DID THE DATE GO WITH PHILIP?

IT DIDN'T. SHE WENT WITH WILL.

THAT LOSER.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

I REALLY LIKE PHILIP. THIS SUCKS.

I KNOW.

WHY'S HE PINING AFTER YOUR MOTHER?

I MEAN...

[ LAUGHS ] I MEAN, IT'S YOUR MOTHER.

DO YOU WANT A BLACK EYE?

NO, BUT I'LL TAKE A HUG.

STOP IT.

I HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR HIM. HE REALLY LIKES HER.

YEAH, WE LIKE HIM FOR HER.

YEAH, BUT YOUR MOM HAS TO LIVE HER OWN LIFE.

NOW, THAT IS TRUE.

YEAH.

THAT BE NICE IF THEY WAS TO GET TOGETHER, WOULDN'T IT?

GRANDMA, YOU LIKE HIM?

YEAH.

WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH?

BECAUSE HE GOT HIS OWN PLACE

AND HE CAN GET HER THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.