Original subtitles

[ LAUGHING ]

WHOO! THAT WAS GOOD! THAT WAS GOOD.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, I ENJOYED MYSELF THIS EVENING.

I DID, TOO, HATTIE. VERY, VERY MUCH.

YEAH. THAT MOVIE WAS SCARY.

I KNOW.

I DON'T LIKE SCARY MOVIES!

BUT I DO.

WELL, WHY WERE YOU JUMPING EVERY FIVE MINUTES?

I WAS HOPING TO SCARE YOU.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

SO YOU WOULD JUMP INTO MY ARMS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SCARE ME TO JUMP INTO YOUR ARMS.

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS ASK ME.

HMM, I WAS JUST THINKING THAT WAS A BETTER WAY.

AW, HELL, I'M FROM THE HOOD!

JASON DON'T SCARE ME!

IT TYRONE AND LEROY I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT.

YOU SO FUNNY, HATTIE. [ CHUCKLES ]

I KNOW.

AND YOU CUTE, TOO. MM‐HMM.

I KNOW THAT, TOO.

MMMM‐HMM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

COME ON IN HERE AWHILE.

[ LAUGHS ]

YEAH, YOU COME ON IN HERE AND TAKE A LOAD OFF.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, HATTIE.

YEAH, YOU COME ON IN HERE AND TAKE A LOAD OFF YOURSELF.

DON'T MIND IF I DO.

[ CHUCKLES ] DAMN!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK!

I'M GROWN!

WELL, YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST CALLED.

THE LAST TIME I CHECKED, I WAS YOUR MAMA.

YOU AIN'T NONE OF MINE.

WELL, I DON'T LIKE THIS, MAMA. AND WHO ARE YOU?

I'M WALLY.

WHAT'S A WALLY?

GO GET SOMEWHERE!

GET TO WHERE? IT'S 11:33.

RIGHT. ON A SATURDAY NIGHT ‐‐ YOU SHOULD HAVE A DATE.

LEGS UP IN THE AIR, HEAD BANGING ‐‐ DOING SOMETHING!

WELL, I DON'T.

AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

WELL, YOU'RE TOO OLD TO HAVE ONE.

N‐O‐O‐O, NO.

SHE AIN'T TOO OLD.

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

UGH! DISGUSTING.

WALLY, WOULD YOU GIVE ME A MOMENT

TO TALK TO MY DAUGHTER, PLEASE?

MM. YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE?

UH, THANK YOU!

THIS IS WORSE THAN DATING THOSE WOMEN

OVER AT THE NURSING HOME!

AS A MATTER OF FACT, HATTIE, YOUR DAUGHTER ‐‐

SHE'S WORSE THAN THOSE NURSES OVER THERE. [ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, YOU GONNA NEED ONE OF THOSE NURSES OVER THERE

IF YOU COME OVER HERE AGAIN THIS LATE.

BYE, HATTIE.

BYE! BAM! BAM!

BAM.

NOW, LINDA, YOU GONNA HAVE TO LEARN

TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

AND FROM NOW ON, FRIDAYS AND SATURDAY NIGHTS,

YOU ARE BANNED FROM MY HOUSE, YOU GOT ME?!

WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO, MAMA?

I WOULDN'T GIVE A DAMN! LICK BRICKS FOR A LIVING!

BUT GO ANYWHERE BUT HERE!

DAMN!

KEEP PLOPPING DOWN ON THAT COUCH LIKE THAT,

YOU GONNA KNOCK THAT HIP OUT OF SOCKET AGAIN.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO!

I'M MAD AS HELL.

HATTIE, YOU ALWAYS MAD.

AND GRUMPY.

AND DOPEY.

AND SLEAZY.

DON'T CALL MY GRANDMOTHER SLEAZY.

WELL, SHE SLEAZED ME.

YOU KNOW, SAM IS RIGHT.

SHE IS SLEAZY.

YOU MUST BE TALKING ABOUT YOUR MAMA.

NO, I'M PRETTY SURE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU.

YEAH, I SLEAZED YOU.

UGH!

[ BLOWS ] UGH!

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED, THEN?

IT'S LINDA!

WHAT DID MY MOTHER DO NOW?

SHE'S SO...SO...

S‐SO LINDA‐ISH!

W‐W‐WELL, WHAT DID ‐‐ WHAT HAPPENED?

I HAD A MAN AT MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT.

OH, STOP IT RIGHT THERE.

A MAN FOR WHAT?

TO TAKE CARE OF MY NEEDS.

UGH! WHY?

[ BLOWS ] WHY?

I'M GONNA BE SICK WITH YOU.

GRANDMA, PLEASE SPARE US THE DETAILS.

WHAT DID MY MOTHER DO?

SHE'S JUST THERE!

UH, SHE LIVES THERE.

YOU SHUT THE HELL UP, FLOYD!

SHE'S THERE ALL THE TIME!

WELL, SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER.

WELL, SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT AND GET A DATE OR SOMETHING!

YOU KNOW HOW MY MOTHER IS WITH MEN.

SHE SHOULDN'T DATE.

YOUR MOM IS A BEAUTIFUL, YOUNG WOMAN.

[ LAUGHS ]

SHE SHOULD DATE.

NO, SHE SHOULDN'T!

TAKE IT FROM ME, SHE SHOULD.

ANYTHING THAT KEEPS HER AWAY FROM OUR PLACE,

SHE SHOULD DO.

NO.

WELL, SHE NEEDS TO IF SHE WANTS TO KEEP BREATHING.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SET HER UP ON ONE OF THOSE ONLINE SITES.

[ SCOFFS ] ARE YOU CRAZY?

THERE'S NO WAY MY MOTHER'S GONNA BE ON THE INTERNET,

LOOKING LIKE A LONELY WOMAN.

I'M ON ONE. [ LAUGHS ]

NOT HELPING YOUR CASE.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

THERE'S NO WAY!

NO WAY AT ALL MY MOTHER'S GOING TO BE ONLINE DATING.

TELL ME MORE ABOUT THAT "LINE‐ON" THING?

OKAY, WELL, FIRST OF ALL, IT'S "ONLINE."

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS MOCKINGLY ]

WELCOME!

WELCOME, MISS HATTIE, TO THE 21st CENTURY.

LOOK, I‐IT'S A DATING SITE, OKAY?

SEE?

OH, LOOK AT ALL THEM MEN.

THEY'RE MODELS.

HOW YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE THEY WANTED ME TO MODEL.

BUT I COULDN'T GET OUT OF MY CONTRACT WITH OkStupid.

[ LAUGHS ]

TOLD THEM I WAS BIZ‐AY.

OOH, THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

ENOUGH. THERE'S NO WAY MY MOTHER'S DOING THIS.

DOING WHAT?

ONLINE DATING.

FOR WHO?

YOU!

ARE YOU CRAZY? THERE IS NO WAY.

I TOLD THEM THAT.

[ SCOFFS ] O‐M‐G, I'VE MET MEN ONLINE BEFORE.

L‐O‐L. BUT YOU'RE SINGLE.

SMILEY FACE.

AS IF. I WASN'T ALWAYS.

WAIT A MINUTE. DIDN'T YOU HAVE TO PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER

ON SOMEBODY ONLINE?

MINOR DETAIL.

GIRL, HE WAS FROM PRISON. [ CHUCKLES ]

WHAT CAN I SAY? I LIKE 'EM ROUGH.

YOU SEE? I'M NOT DOING THAT.

THANK YOU, MOM.

NO PROBLEM, BABY.

NOW, AREN'T Y'ALL GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK?

OH. YEAH, WE BETTER GO.

I'M TAKING THAT BURGER. DREW, YOU GOT US.

YOU DON'T WANT A TO‐GO BAG?

NO, I'M GOOD. I AM A TO‐GO BAG.

[ SIGHS ]

I ‐‐ I, UH ‐‐ DREW! YOU FORGOT YOUR PIE!

[ SCOFFS ] MISS HATTIE, PLEASE.

THIS FIGURE, THAT PIE? STOP IT.

NO, YOU NEED TO START IT.

SHUT THE HELL UP! COME ON!

LET'S SET HER UP ON THAT "LINE‐ON" THING.

OKAY, AGAIN, MISS HATTIE, IT'S "ONLINE."

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. JUST DO IT!

ALL RIGHT, WELL, UM... WE'LL NEED A PICTURE OF HER.

OH, I GOT PLENTY OF THEM IN MY POCKETBOOK.

DON'T DO IT.

WHOO!

THAT'S NOT YOUR PURSE.

OH, SHUT THE HELL UP, FLOYD.

MY PURSE AIN'T NEVER BEEN THAT SMALL.

OH, THAT AIN'T IT.

HMM. OH, HERE. THAT AIN'T IT, NEITHER.

OH. OOH, THERE IT IS. THAT ONE.

OOH.

HOLD ON. YOU CAN'T USE THAT.

SHE WAS 25 YEARS OLD ON THAT PICTURE.

SEE, I HATE WHEN PEOPLE PUT THEY PROFILE PICTURES UP THERE

AND THEN YOU SEE THEM IN PERSON

AND THEN SHE END UP LOOKING LIKE A MAN.

LORD! I MEAN, DUDE CAME UP ‐‐

FLOYD!

MY BAD.

DO IT. OKAY.

IT'S SUPER‐EASY. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL CREATE AN E‐MAIL ACCOUNT.

THAT WAY, THEY CAN CONTACT HER.

OH, NOW, DON'T MAIL NO E's.

MNH‐MNH.

JUST HAVE THEM COME HERE.

UH...O‐OKAY, WELL, WHICH ONE?

ALL OF THEM.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

I'M SORRY. DON'T EVEN ANSWER THAT.

WHAT IF SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY?

UGH. YOU KNOW, FLOYD'S GOT A POINT.

I TRIED TO HAVE THESE GUYS MEET ME AT MY HOUSE ONCE.

THAT'S HOW I ENDED UP IN THE BACKSEAT OF THAT CADILLAC.

I‐IT WAS A TOTAL NIGHTMARE.

SHUT THE HELL UP AND DO IT.

[ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT. I'LL DO IT.

DON'T DO IT.

OH, UH, MISS HATTIE ‐‐

HOW ABOUT THAT PIE I ORDERED? [ CHUCKLES ]

GIRL, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! YOU DIDN'T ORDER NO PIE!

YOU NEED TO EAT SOMETHING.

SUE THOSE LEGS FOR NON‐SUPPORT.

HERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

[ SIGHS ] WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, UNCLE FLOYD?

THAT MAN LEFT AND DIDN'T LEAVE A TIP AGAIN.

WELL, THE NEXT TIME HE COMES HERE,

YOU TELL HIM ABOUT IT YOURSELF.

I WILL.

ORDERING COFFEE. GET REFILL AFTER REFILL.

AND THEN DON'T LEAVE NO TIP?

WHY ARE ALL THESE MEN LOOKING AT ME?

THEY'RE ALL HERE FOR YOU, BABY!

WHAT?

I SET YOU UP ON THAT "LINE‐ON" THING.

MAMA!

TAKE YOUR PICK! ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR ME.

ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR ME.

ONE FOR HER, ONE FOR ME.

ONE FOR ME, AND THREE FOR ME.

MAMA, WHO ARE ALL THESE MEN?

THEY'RE ALL HERE FOR YOU!

I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

WE SET YOU UP ONLINE, GIRL.

[ CHUCKLES ] SEE? TAKE A LOOK.

THAT PICTURE'S FROM WHEN I WAS 25.

I MEAN [CHUCKLES] I STILL LOOK LIKE THAT.

[ LAUGHS ]

THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH TESTOSTERONE IN HERE.

WELL, IT JUST DROPPED.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOUR GRANDMA'S TRYING TO FIX ME UP.

WHAT?

THIS IS INSANE.

THIS WILL BE FUN. YOU'LL SPEED‐DATE.

COME ON. SIT HERE.

UNH‐UNH! MY MAMA'S NOT SPEED‐DATING OR NOTHING!

TSS!

BOY, IF YOU DON'T GET THE HELL UP,

YOU'RE GONNA BE ONE OF THEM ENTREES ON THAT MENU!

GRANDMA!

I'M NOT DOING THIS.

YES, YOU ARE! NOW, SIT DOWN! WHO FIRST?!

OKAY, I'M DONE WITH THIS.

GIRL, YOU BETTER SIT DOWN!

YOU STILL AIN'T GOT NO MAN!

AND YOU GONNA SIT THERE TILL HE COME.

MAMA, EVERYBODY'S GONE.

WELL, WAIT ON GOD.

IS THIS GOD?

HI. I'M WILL.

LOOK AT GOD.

WELL, MAYBE I HAVE TIME FOR ONE MORE.

OH, HEY.

UH, MAMA, WE NEED TO, UH ‐‐

BOY, YOU SHUT UP!

HI. I'M LINDA.

WILL.

I THINK HE THE ONE.

I DON'T LIKE HIM.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

THAT MAN IS TROUBLE.

DANNY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? DANNY MIGHT BE RIGHT.

NOW, HATTIE, YOU KNOW LINDA ALWAYS CHOOSES TROUBLE.

SHUT THE HELL UP, FLOYD!

IT MIGHT BE DIFFERENT, THIS TIME.

WE'LL SEE.

HOW LONG ARE THEY GONNA TALK?!

IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO HOME.

NO.

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, BOY! NOW!

COME ON, DANNY.

I TOLD YOU, WE SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN COME OVER HERE.

THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME

SHE WAS GOING OUT WITH THIS... CLOWN TONIGHT.

MOM...

UNH‐UNH, HEY! LET THIS GO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

ABOUT TO GET TWO TO THE BODY IF HE DON'T LEARN HOW TO KNOCK.

MOM, YOU CAN'T DO THIS. DO WHAT, BABY?

UNCLE FLOYD TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING OUT

WITH A MAN YOU JUST MET! YOU CAN'T!

WHY NOT?!

YOU DON'T KNOW THIS MAN.

AND SHE WOULD NEVER KNOW A MAN

IF SHE KEEP LISTENING TO YOU AND YOUR FOOLISHNESS.

LET IT GO, DANNY.

YOUR MOTHER'S GOT TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS.

RIGHT? SHE'S AN ADULT.

ESPECIALLY SINCE YOUR GRANDMOTHER

DOESN'T WANT HER HERE ON FRIDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHTS.

GRANDMA, YOU SHOULDN'T BE SO MEAN.

AND, MOM, YOU'RE WELCOME TO COME TO OUR APARTMENT ‐‐

DANNY!

[ GROANS ] [ LAUGHING ]

OW!

MOM, OUR APARTMENT.

DANNY!

DANNY, REMEMBER HOW HARD IT WAS TO GET RID OF HER BEFORE?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

SHE WAS THERE A LOT.

[ SIGHS ]

THEY LOOK COMFORTABLE.

THIS IS WEIRD.

YEAH. YEAH. WE SHOULD STAND.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

OKAY, EVERYBODY. LET'S ALL RELAX.

[ CHUCKLES ]

IT'S JUST A DAMN DATE!

WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH INSPECTOR?

YOU DIDN'T LIKE HIM, EITHER.

WE WEREN'T COMPATIBLE. BUT HE WAS FINE.

AND HE USED TO ‐‐

NO, HE'S NOT.

AND NO LITTLE DANNYS AROUND HERE.

[ Laughing ] YOU KNOW DAMN WELL

YOUR MAMA CAN'T HAVE NO BABIES.

DANNYS!

I'M ONLY 40, FLOYD. I COULD STILL HAVE A BABY.

THAT'S A OLD 40, THOUGH.

HOW DID WE GET ON THIS, ANYWAY? I'M CELIBATE.

STAY THAT WAY.

AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM!

YEAH, IT IS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK DANNY'S RIGHT.

I'M GONNA CALL AND CANCEL.

THE HELL YOU IS!

YOU'RE GOING ON THIS DATE.

MY MAN'S ON HIS WAY OVER HERE.

WELL, I DON'T HAVE TO GO OUT WITH THIS MAN,

I CAN SPEND TIME WITH MY FAMILY.

UNCLE FLOYD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YES, JESUS?!

IGNORE HER?

LEAVE NOW?

YOUR WILL, FATHER. YOUR WILL.

FINE. DREW?

GIRL, I'M BUSY.

I...I GOT TO FIND A MAN OF MY OWN.

DANNY?

WELL, DANNY'S FOUND A MAN ‐‐ RIGHT HERE!

WE DID HAVE PLANS, MAMA. NOT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, SAM!

THEN THAT SETTLES IT ‐‐ YOU'RE GOING ON THIS DATE!

I GUESS IT IS JUST A MOVIE.

YEAH, MAKE SURE YOU WATCH A SCARY ONE.

I'M LOOKING AT A SCARY ONE RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S TIME FOR ALL Y'ALL TO GET UP OUT MY HOUSE.

MY MAN IS ON THE WAY OVER HERE!

NOW, SEE ‐‐ THAT'S JUST WRONG.

I KNOW. EVEN MISS HATTIE GOT A MAN.

WHICHEVER WAY YOU WANT TO STEP, DON'T MAKE ME NO DIFFERENCE,

BUT YOU GOT TO GET UP OUT OF HERE.

FINE.

BYE.

[ CHUCKLES ] BYE.

[ SIGHS ]

[ CHUCKLING ] "GET OFF MY PINKY TOE!"

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

WELL, I REALLY HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.

REALLY DID.

SO DID I.

AND, UH...REALLY, THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT.

MY PLEASURE.

THANK YOU FOR... WALKING ME TO THE DOOR.

HA HA, WELL, I AM A GENTLEMAN.

YOUR MOTHER TAUGHT YOU WELL.

YES, SHE DID.

MM‐KAY, WELL, THANKS. GOOD NIGHT.

UH...UH, WAIT, WAIT.

WH‐WHAT? WHAT?

WAIT? WAIT FOR WHAT?

WAIT SO YOU COULD COME IN? WAIT FOR YOU ‐‐

YOU TAKE ME TO THE MOVIE, YOU THINK YOU GONNA GET SOME,

BECAUSE YOU TOOK ME TO THE MOVIES?

THAT I'M THAT CHEAP FOR YOU?

A‐A MOVIE, SOME POPCORN, AND A SLUSHY?!

WHOA! WHOA!

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

I JUST WANTED TO GO OUT WITH YOU AGAIN.

OH.

MY BAD.

I GOT SOME...ISSUES FROM SOME...PAST SITUATIONS.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

LITTLE ‐‐ LITTLE ON EDGE.

OKAY, I ‐‐ LOOK ‐‐ I UNDERSTAND.

BUT NOT TO GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE

BECAUSE OF THE OTHERS?

[ SIGHS ]

IT'S... I‐IT'S NOT THAT, WILL.

I HAD A GOOD TIME, BUT...

I'M JUST REALLY IN THE MIDST OF A TRANSITION...

IN MY LIFE...RIGHT NOW.

OKAY.

MAYBE I'M A PART OF THAT TRANSITION.

MM. I LIKE THAT.

YOU BE... PART OF MY TRANSITION.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THAT'S ‐‐ NO.

MM. MM, LINDA.

Think.

UH... YOU GONNA GO IN?

GOOD NIGHT, WILL.

[ CHUCKLES ] OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.

THANK YOU.

HMM.

GOOD NIGHT, WILL.

GOOD NIGHT.

YOU W‐‐ N‐NO.

GOOD NIGHT, WILL.

WHY YOU AIN'T STICK YOUR TONGUE DOWN THAT MAN'S THROAT?

I KNEW YOU WERE IN HERE LISTENING.

[ CHUCKLES ] YOUR COMPANY STILL HERE?

OH, GIRL, I AIN'T HAD NO COMPANY.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE ON THAT DATE.

[ SCOFFS ]

[ SIGHS ] I KNEW IT, MAMA.

HOW DID IT GO?

IT WAS NICE.

AIN'T THAT NICE?

♪♪ GONNA GET YOU SOME, BAM, TCH, TCH‐TCH ♪♪

♪♪ YOU GONNA GET YOU SOME, BAM, TCH‐TCH, TCH ♪♪

♪♪ OH, WAIT A MINUTE ♪♪

MAMA!

STOP IT.

WELL, YOU STARTED IT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I TICKLED MY OWN SELF THERE.

MAMA... HUH?

THANK YOU FOR THAT.

EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE,

YOU ALWAYS KNEW WHAT TO SAY TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

THAT'S 'CAUSE... I LOVE YOU.

OHH, MAMA.