Original subtitles

HERE YOU GO, PRECIOUS.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THANK YOU, MA'AM. YEAH.

HI, MISS HATTIE! HEY!

HEY, GRANDMA!

BOY, DANNY, SAM!

WHA...? YOU GOTS TO PAY TO PLAY.

HEY, Y'ALL WANT SOME BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

UH, YES, PLEASE.

FLOYD?

FLOYD.

FLOYD!

YOU OLD BASTARD! I KNOW YOU HEARD ME CALLING YOU.

BUT I DON'T ANSWER TO SATAN.

GET THESE HERE BABIES WHAT THEY WANT.

I'D GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT,

BUT I DON'T HAVE A CASKET TO PUT YOUR BODY IN.

I SURE WISH I'D HAD A CONDOM TO GIVE TO YOUR DADDY.

DREW.

WHAT?!

THAT MAN OVER THERE IS CHECKING YOU OUT.

NO, HE'S NOT.

ACTUALLY, I THINK HE'S CHECKING DANNY OUT.

I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE WORN THESE PANTS!

YEP. YOUR BUTT'S BIGGER THAN HERS.

HEY! IT IS NOT!

WAIT. IS HIS BUTT BIGGER THAN MINE?

UH, WAIT A MINUTE HERE.

I THINK LINDA RIGHT.

I BELIEVE HE IS CHECKING YOU OUT.

GO SAY HI.

NO, NO, I‐I‐I CAN'T.

HOW COME?!

WELL, I'M SHY.

[ High‐pitched voice ] AW!

THAT'S SO CUTE!

[ Normal voice ] IT'S BULL...

[ Mockingly ] BUT CUTE!

OKAY, OKAY.

I'LL ‐‐ I'LL WALK OVER TO THE DOOR,

AND IF HE STOPS ME, THEN I GUESS HE DOES LIKE ME.

GO ON!

UH...

W‐W‐WHY ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR COAT ON?

HELLO. I'M A LADY.

I'D LIKE TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO WONDER.

WELL, PRECIOUS, AS LITTLE AS YOU GOT,

YOU NEEDS TO LET IT ALL HANG OUT.

[ Normal voice ] BETTER HURRY UP BEFORE MARIANNA GETS HERE.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

MARIANNA COULD ECLIPSE THE MOON.

TWICE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU'RE A CUTE GIRL, DREW.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MARIANNA.

OOH, SHE'S SO PURDY.

DAMN!

SHE BEAUTIFUL.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, DREW.

YOU JUST DO YOU, OKAY?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY?

DAMN!

[ As Hattie ] SHE BEAUTIFUL.

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

[ Normal voice ] GREAT!

NOW HE'S STARING AT HER.

SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

I'LL DISTRACT HIM FOR YOU.

HOW?

GIRL! DON'T YOU KNOW?

I'VE BEEN TAKING OUT THE COMPETITION FOR YEARS!

OH, YEAH, SHE BEEN TAKING THEM OUT, ALL RIGHT.

FLOYD, DON'T BE TELLING MY BUSINESS.

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M TELLING YOU KILLED SOMEBODY.

YOU JUST DID.

WOULD YOU TWO CUT IT OUT?

THIS SITUATION IS ABOUT ME, HIM, AND HER!

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS HERE. I GOT THIS HERE.

UH, MARIANNA, BABY, COME HERE FOR A MINUTE.

LET ME SEE YOU, PRECIOUS.

[ SIGHS ] HEY, GUYS.

[ GASPS ] Linda: OHH!

MAMA!

MISS HATTIE!

THIS HERE IS A DESPERATE SITUATION.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

IT'S THAT DISEASE.

WHAT DISEASE IS THAT?

OLD‐ASS‐CRAZY‐ISM.

IT'S LATIN.

UGH!

WAY TO DISTRACT HIM!

BY GIVING HER A WET T‐SHIRT!

BABY, I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY.

[ SIGHS ]

NOW, GO ON.

GO ON BACK THERE IN THE BACK AND CLEAN YOURSELF OFF.

NO, DON'T!

STOP IT, SAM!

I LOVE YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

I KNOW YOU WANTED ME!

HE REALLY DOES LOVE ME.

MISS HATTIE! THAT WAS SO WRONG.

GIRL, SHUT THE HELL UP!

I WAS LOOKING OUT FOR YOU.

AND WET MY OWN SELF UP!

BUT I HAVE MY WET T‐SHIRT FOR YOU.

OHH.

IT'S THE KIND OF WET‐T‐SHIRT CONTEST

WHERE EVERYONE LOSES.

BUT YOU ARE A WINNER.

NOW GO GET YOUR MAN.

OKAY.

HOLD ON, PRECIOUS. HOLD ON, NOW.

DON'T GO OVER THERE WALKING LIKE THAT.

WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WAY I WALK?

'CAUSE YOU MARCHING LIKE YOU BE IN THE NORTH KOREAN ARMY.

GET BACK.

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS HERE.

GET ON BACK.

TAKE NOTES.

MM. OOH!

YOU ENJOYING YOUR BREAKFAST?

IT'S GOOD.

GOOD.

THANKS FOR ASKING.

ANY TIME.

YOU GONNA HAVE TO GET THAT HIP AND KNEE REPLACED.

AND YOU GONNA NEED YOUR EYES TO BE REPLACED

YOU KEEP BUGGING ME.

YOU GOT IT?

I GOT IT.

DO IT FLUIDLY.

FLUIDLY.

YEAH, LIKE A FLUID ON HER BRAIN.

GET DOWN. GET DOWN.

I KNOW EVERYTHING HE'S GONNA SAY.

"HI."

HI.

HI.

"I'M, UH ‐‐ I'M ‐‐ I'M BEN ‐‐ GLEN ‐‐ REN."

I'M KEN.

[ Pompously ] I'M BARBIE.

"ARE YOU REALLY?"

ARE YOU REALLY?

[ Normal voice ] NO. MY NAME IS DREW.

"WELL, HOW ARE YOU?"

WELL, HOW ARE YOU?

I'M GOOD. THANKS FOR ASKING.

"DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN?"

DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN?

NOTHING BUT NET.

HERE?

NO. NEVER. HARDLY.

[ LAUGHS ]

DO YOU WANT ME TO?

THIS IS EASY.

"UH, LET'S GO BACK TO MY PLACE

AND HAVE BUTT‐NAKED SEX WITH HONEY."

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, ACTUALLY, IT WAS JUST A QUESTION.

YOU SEE, I'M NEW IN TOWN.

WHAT THE WHAT?!

[ IMITATES BUZZER ]

OH. YOU'RE NEW IN TOWN?

THAT'S PERFECT BECAUSE I'M OLD IN TOWN.

WELL, I‐I‐I'M NOT SAYING I'M OLD.

I'M JUST SAYING I'VE BEEN AROUND.

I‐I'VE BEEN AROUND THE TOWN. [ CHUCKLES ]

SEE, NOW, SHE'S ASSUMED THE ROLE OF THE MAN, SO ANYTHING GOES.

YEAH, UH, I'M JUST IN TOWN

TRYING TO FIND ALL THE COOL SPOTS ‐‐

YOU KNOW, RESTAURANTS, BARS, THAT KIND OF THING.

OH, OKAY. SO YOU MIGHT NEED A BARBIE TOUR GUIDE.

A TOUR GUIDE.

NOW, THAT WOULD BE NICE.

ACTUALLY, WE CAN START TONIGHT ‐‐

ME AND YOU AT A RESTAURANT THAT YOU CHOOSE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

"AND THEN THE BUTT‐NAKED SEX WITH THE HONEY."

OH. GREAT. UH, LET ME GIVE YOU MY BUSINESS CARD.

OKAY.

OKAY.

THE MOUTH...

...IT'S LIKE AN IGUANA.

IGUANA NOT WANT TO SEE THAT AGAIN.

HERE IS MY PHONE NUMBER AND MY E‐MAIL ADDRESS.

AND MY FACE PAGE AND MY HASHTAG.

YOU KNOW EVERYBODY DOING THAT NOWADAY.

[ CHUCKLES ] OH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT,

I PUT MY MAMA NUMBER ON THERE, TOO.

'CAUSE, UH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT A RING ON THAT.

Ken: UH...

IF YOU LIKE IT. [ CHUCKLES ]

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, MY ADDRESS.

YEAH, SO, UH, I THINK I'M JUST GONNA CALL YOU,

IF THAT'S COOL.

OH. OKAY.

YEAH, YEAH, JUST ‐‐ JUST GONNA CALL.

SO, UH, IS TONIGHT GOOD FOR DINNER?

YES. GOOD. GOOD.

GREAT!

I GUESS I'LL PICK YOU UP AT...

I'M GONNA GO WITH 7:00.

BEST TIME TO HAVE BUTT‐NAKED SEX WITH HONEY!

...8:00?

ALL RIGHT. GREAT. [ CHUCKLES ]

BYE. ALL RIGHT. BYE.

BYE. BYE. BYE‐BYE.

OH. THAT'S IT. COME HERE.

GET IN TIGHT. [ CHUCKLES ]

GUESS I'LL...

SEE YOU LATER. YOU KNOW?

WHOO! YEAH.

HEY. YOU'RE A WILD ONE.

HEY. HEY.

WHOO!

[ LAUGHS ]

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHOO! OH, HE JUST ASKED ME OUT!

[ LAUGHS ] WHOO, HALLELUJAH! WHOO‐HOO!

OH. WOULD YOU STOP SMILING?

IT'S CREEPY.

OH, YEAH, CALM YOURSELF DOWN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M CHECKING TO SEE IF HE CALLED.

YOU CAN'T LOOK DESPERATE, DREW.

I AM NOT LOOKING DESPERATE.

YEAH. SHE'S LOOKING DREW‐SPERATE.

THAT'S "DESPERATE" AND "DREW" MIXED TOGETHER,

JUST THROWING IT ALL IN THERE TOGETHER.

I CAN'T GET THIS STAIN OUT.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

AND NOW I'M ALL STICKY!

YES, YOU ARE!

BABY, I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, MISS HATTIE.

I'VE JUST GOT TO GO HOME AND CHANGE NOW.

AND I WAS GONNA WEAR THIS BECAUSE I HAD A DATE

AND NOW HE CANCELED ON ME.

HE DID? YEAH.

CAN YOU GUYS JUST GET ME SOMETHING TO EAT?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

YOUR DATE CANCELED ON YOU?

AND HE LEFT YOU ALL STICKY?

SAM, YOU TOUCH ME, YOU WILL DIE.

WHAT?

I'M JUST TRYING TO ALLEVIATE THE STICKY!

OH, MAN, GUYS.

WHAT?

SHE'S GONNA BE HOME TONIGHT.

YEAH? THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

WHY?

BECAUSE HE'LL SEE HER WHEN HE PICKS ME UP.

I'D LIKE TO SEE HER PICK ME UP.

OH, YEAH. [ LAUGHS ]

IT'S SO EASY.

WELL, WHAT'S THE POINT?

NOW THIS GUY IS GONNA SEE HER,

AND HE'S NOT GONNA WANT TO TALK TO ME.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

DREW, YOU'RE A SWEET GIRL.

YOU DON'T GET IT!

SWEET IS LONELY.

I WANT TO BE LIKE MARIANNA ‐‐ MUCHO CALIENTE!

I WANT TO BE HOT!

YOU ARE HOT, DREW.

I'M SORRY! [ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU SAID THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

LOOK, DON'T WORRY ABOUT MARIANNA.

YOU JUST GO OUT WITH THE MAN.

GO AHEAD, BABY. SHAKE WHAT YOUR MAMA GAVE YOU.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, PRECIOUS, BRING ‐‐ BRING IT DOWN.

YOUR MAMA DIDN'T GIVE YOU THAT MERCH.

SHE DIDN'T GIVE YOU THAT MERCH.

BUT SHAKE IT.

BETTER YET, JUST RATTLE IT.

SO...I‐I SHOULD RATTLE IT 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE MERCH?

YOU DON'T HAVE MERCH AT ALL.

MERCH?

MUCH. MUCH.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

MERCH.

MERCH, MUCH, WHATEVER!

THANKS, GUYS.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHOOTING DOWN MY SELF‐ESTEEM!

[ GRUNTS ]

OHH! OH, GEEZ!

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Danny: HI.

HI, MARINARA ‐‐ MARIANNA.

EITHER WAY, YOU'RE SAUCY.

UGH. HI.

IS DREW HERE? WELL, YEAH,

BUT SHE'S BEEN LOCKED IN HER ROOM FOR HOURS.

REALLY?

YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS LIKE HER, EITHER.

WOW!

I WONDER WHY.

YEAH, I'VE BEEN WONDERING THE SAME THING, OKAY?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER.

WELL, HEY, WE WERE JUST MAKING SOME DINNER.

YOU WANT TO COME OVER?

NO, NO, GUYS. I'M SO TIRED.

I JUST ‐‐ I WANT TO STAY HOME TONIGHT.

[ High‐pitched ] WELL, JUST COME OVER FOR A LITTLE BIT.

NO, NO, NO. I‐I REALLY ‐‐ I'M GOOD.

COME ON!

IT'LL BE FUN!

[ CHUCKLES ] I SAID I'M STAYING HOME.

[ Dopey voice ] PLEASE.

SAM, NO MEANS NO.

BUT SOMETIMES IT MEANS, "ASK AGAIN."

WOW.

[ Normal voice ] OKAY, UH, BUT JUST ONCE.

I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

[ SNAPS FINGERS ]

WE NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!

DANNY, NO WE DON'T! YES, WE DO.

THIS IS A BAD IDEA.

YOU NEVER SHARE INTEL WITH THE ENEMY!

NEVER SHARE INTEL WITH THE ENEMY!

[ LAUGHS ] YOU'RE TICKLING MY FACE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

WHAT IS IT?!

DREW HAS A DATE.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

I'M HAPPY FOR HER.

AND WE THINK SO, TOO.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELVES.

THERE'S JUST A BIT OF A PROBLEM.

WELL, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

[ KNOCKING "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT" ]

OKAY, EXCUSE ME. MOVE.

MOVE.

UGH.

HEY! COME ON IN.

EVERYBODY ELSE IS HERE.

GRANDMA, FLOYD, MAMA!

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

WELL, WE JUST THOUGHT WE'D STOP BY.

YOU LOOK NICE.

THANK YOU.

I'M SURE IS THIRSTY.

GRANDMA, NO! SHUT THE HELL UP, BOY!

YEAH, SHUT THE HELL UP, DANNY!

I WANT TO SEE THAT WET T‐SHIRT CONTEST.

ROUND ‐‐ WELL, ACTUALLY 3 IF YOU COUNT YOUR GRANDMA.

CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHY YOU'RE ALL HERE?

NO REASON. WE JUST STOPPED BY TO ‐‐

SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE DATE!

OH, REALLY? YES!

BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH

ALL OF YOU GUYS BEING HERE RIGHT NOW?

BECAUSE OF YOU.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU'RE HOT! SO HOT!

YOU'RE LIKE THE SUN.

OHH, I WANT TO BE A WHITE DWARF ON YOU.

UGH.

BABY, THE PROBLEM IS

DREW SEEMS TO FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU'RE AROUND,

THE MEN, THEY DON'T COME ON TO HER.

BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE.

All: YES, IT IS.

MAN.

OH, NO, NO, THIS IS BAD.

I FEEL TERRIBLE THAT SHE FEELS THAT WAY.

YOU GUYS KNOW THAT I WOULD NEVER

DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE TO HER.

OKAY, YOU KNOW, DREW, HONEY,

I'M GONNA STEP OUT FOR A LITTLE BIT.

SO IF YOU NEED ME, JUST CALL ME, OKAY?

Drew: OH. ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, MARIANNA.

THANK YOU, LINDA.

I THINK SO, TOO.

UH, DREW, BABY,

COME ON OUT HERE 'FORE YOUR DATE GETS HERE.

Drew: NO, GO ON, PLEASE.

YEAH, BABY, COME ON OUT HERE

AND LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING LIKE.

I'M FINE!

YOU ALL CAN GO NOW BEFORE HE GETS HERE.

PLEASE!

WE JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU OFF.

SHE PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO COME OUT HERE

BECAUSE WE MADE HER FEEL SOME CERTAIN KIND OF WAY EARLIER.

MAMA'S RIGHT. COME ON. LET'S GO.

COME ON.

Floyd: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR EYE.

OH!

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ SIGHS ]

DREW!

OH. HI, UH...

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE GONE.

WE WERE, BUT WE FOUND YOU.

WOW!

UM, YOU KNOW, GUYS, I'M SORRY, BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD GO.

DREW, HONEY.

WHOA! WHOA!

WHERE DID YOU GET THE SHIRT AND THE ‐‐ THE SKIRT?

W‐WHAT SHE MEANS IS WHERE DID YOU GET

THE "T" AND THE "A" FROM?

UH, I'VE BEEN DOING SOME SQUATS. [ CHUCKLES ]

I'VE BEEN WORKING IT OUT. [ CHUCKLES ]

YEAH. YOGA WITH THE BOYS WORKS WONDERS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH.

DOES IT LOOK BAD?

HELL, YEAH!

[ GROANS ]

All: OHH!

CAREFUL.

IT'S LIKE A TRAMPOLINE!

DAMN!

YEAH, BABY. "DAMN" IS RIGHT.

YOU NEED TO GET SOMEWHERE AND TAKE THAT ASS OFF.

BUT, MISS HATTIE, I‐I JUST WANTED MORE CURVES.

UH, BABY, YOU NEED TO BE THANKFUL

FOR WHAT GOD HAD ALREADY GAVE YOU.

YOU CAN'T WALK AROUND HERE TRYING TO BE LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE.

HE MADE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US INDIVIDUALS.

NOW, YOU GET SOMEWHERE

AND GO AND TAKE THAT FOOLISHNESS OFF.

WASN'T THAT A FULL‐LENGTH SKIRT?

DREW, HONEY, MISS HATTIE'S RIGHT.

I LOVE YOUR SHAPE. I LOVE YOUR HAIR.

YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

THANKS, MARIANNA.

YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS ARE ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YEAH, I'M SURE THIS GUY'S GONNA LOVE YOU

JUST THE WAY THAT YOU ARE.

YOU DON'T NEED ALL THAT STUFF.

...FING.

STUFFING.

HE CANCELED.

[ ALL GROAN ]

NO!

WELL, BABY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.

WE'RE ALL A FAMILY.

YEAH. AND, LOOK, NOW YOU LOOK LIKE

YOU'RE RELATED TO MARIANNA.

OH.

OOH! GO TO HELL, FLOYD.

COME ON. LET'S JUST ALL GO OUT AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

YEAH. COME ON HERE.

I GET FIRST RIDE ON THE BOOTY.

COME ON, BABY. HOLD THAT DOOR.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OH, CAREFUL! YOU ALMOST PUSHED LINDA INTO THE CABINET.

[ CHUCKLES ] HELL, NO.

AIN'T NO WAY I'M GOING WITH HER NOWHERE

LOOKING LIKE A PLUM FOOL.

DID YOU SEE THAT THING?

OHH. HOW COULD YOU NOT?

IT SAW ITSELF.

LOOKED LIKE TWO SMALL CHILDREN FIGHTING EACH OTHER.