Original subtitles

WAKE UP, SAM!

HUH? HM?

I'LL TAKE LINGERIE FOR $500.

WHERE ARE THE GIRLS?

THEY WENT HOME EARLY.

WHAT? THAT'S NOT FAIR!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[ Yawning ] THEY'RE LEAVING US HERE

TO DO ALL THE WORK?

WELL, THEY FINISHED THEIR PROJECT THEY'VE BEEN

WORKING ON ALL NIGHT, SO IT'S FAIR.

OH! YOU WOULD.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

OH, ANYTHING MARIANNA SAYS YOU THINK IS "OTAY."

YEAH.

HEY!

SNAP OUT OF IT!

OH, DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ABOUT HER.

OH, I CAN'T STAND HER!

YOU LIE!

NO.

I SAID I CAN'T STAND HER.

DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T WANT TO LAY HER.

YOU ARE THE WORST.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, I AM SO GOOD AT BEING BAD.

I turn myself on.

I JUST DID.

[ GASPING ]

AND AGAIN.

[ GASPING ]

I COULD DO THIS ALL NIGHT.

STOP IT, SAM. [ GROANS ]

COME ON!

SO, WE HAVE THE OFFICE ALL TO OURSELVES?

WELL, IT LOOKS THAT WAY.

WOW.

SO, DO YOU WANT TO PUT OUR BUTTS ON THE COPIER

AND E‐MAIL COPIES TO EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING?

NO. THAT'S CHILDISH.

YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.

SO, DO YOU WANT TO DO IT?

HOW ABOUT WE JUST FOCUS ON THIS PROJECT

SO WE CAN GET HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT?

WOW. REALLY?

WE ARE NOT HIGH‐SCHOOL KIDS

THAT GET A FREE PASS WHEN THE TEACHER IS OUT.

OH, GOSH!

YOU ARE SO OLD‐ACTING!

[ Hoarsely ] WELL, I GUESS THAT'S WHAT YOU GET

WHEN YOU SPEND ALL THAT TIME WITH YOUR MA AND GRANDMA.

YOU BECOME GRANDBOY‐GIRL.

THAT'S NOT A WORD.

[ Normal voice ] NO, IT'S A DESCRIPTION.

OF WHAT?

OF YOU.

DO YOU WANT A DESCRIPTION OF YOU?

BRING IT.

GO TO THE COPIER,

TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR BUTT, AND LOOK AT IT,

AND THAT'S A DESCRIPTION OF YOU!

I'LL DO THAT,

AND THEN I'LL E‐MAIL IT TO EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING!

NO! SAM!

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

CAN WE GO NOW?

WE'RE ALMOST DONE.

[ SIGHS ]

I TELL YOU, I DON'T KNOW THAT I LIKE

THIS WHOLE WORKING‐LATE THING.

WHY NOT?

IT'S SO...

[British accent] MIDDLE‐CLASS.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T START, YOU'RE GOING TO BE

[British accent] POOR CLASS.

[ Normal voice ] WHATEVER.

I'M TOO CUTE TO BE POOR.

[ Normal voice ] OH, YEAH,

'CAUSE CUTE KIDS CAN'T LIVE ON THE STREETS.

NOT WITH A GIFT LIKE MINE.

[ SIGHS ]

I know I'm gonna regret this.

WHAT GIFT IS THAT?

AH.

THE GIFT OF MAKING WOMEN SPEND THEIR MONEY...

WHILE CALLING ME PAPA.

DO I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS?

OH!

I'M JUST JOKING AROUND.

YOU'RE SO UPTIGHT.

CAN I RUB YOUR SHOULDIES?

SURE.

RIGHT AFTER I BREAK YOUR FINGER!

AAH!

HEY!

I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE!

YOU'RE ONLY NICE WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING.

I RESENT THAT!

WHATEVER!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!

YOU KNOW, TH‐‐ TH‐‐ THAT...SHIRT

LOOKS REALLY NICE ON YOU.

SAM.

NO!

NO, IT ‐‐ IT LOOKS SO NICE!

I MEAN, THAT COLOR REALLY HIDES THE PIT STAINS.

IT'S REALLY GREAT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, SAM?

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

OH, YOU WANT SOMETHING.

NO, I DON'T!

YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY.

[ Chuckling ] I KNOW I DON'T.

[ Normal voice ] BUT DO YOU?

SAM.

COME ON, DANNY!

I JUST ‐‐ I JUST NEED TO BORROW A FEW BUCKS.

HOW MUCH IS "A FEW BUCKS"?

BOO‐BOOP!

$300.

WAIT. RENT IS DUE!

[ Chuckling ] OF COURSE.

SAM!

[ Normal voice ] WHAT? I DON'T HAVE IT, OKAY?

YOU ARE THE WORST.

HOW AM I THE WORST?

YOU NEVER HAVE THE RENT!

YES, I DO!

NO, YOU DON'T!

I...

DO!

I HAVE IT!

IT JUST GETS SPENT ON OTHER "TINGS."

WAIT.

I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK I HAVE MONEY TO COVER YOU THIS TIME.

NO, I DON'T. WELL, GOOD.

BUT IF YOU DO, THAT'D BE SO COOL.

SO, CAN YOU?

SAM, I CAN'T COVER YOU THIS TIME.

WHY NOT?

MY MOTHER.

WHAT ABOUT HER?

I WAS GONNA TREAT HER TO A SPA DAY.

YEAH, WE'RE GONNA GET MANI/PEDIS.

UH...

NOTHING ABOUT MANI/PEDI SAYS [Deep voice] MANNY.

WOULD YOU JUST STOP IT?

[ Normal voice ] YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE HAD A GIRL.

YEAH!

AND YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE HAD A HUMAN.

[ CHUCKLES ] VERY FUNNY... MY LITTLE BOY/GIRL.

YOU'RE NOT GETTING THIS MONEY, SO GET BACK TO WORK!

[ SIGHS ]

THAT IS SO LAME!

TAKING YOUR MOMMY TO THE S‐S‐S‐SPA.

IT'S THE ONLY PLACE WHERE I CAN RELAX.

AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

OKAY?

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN GETTING BETTER.

I HAVEN'T BEEN PARTYING...

SAM.

...AS MUCH.

OH, MAN.

NO, NO! YOU COME ON! YOU TELL THE TRUTH!

WHAT? I AM!

NO, YOU'RE NOT! I HAVEN'T BEEN PARTYING AS MUCH!

I CUT BACK!

SAM.

[ STAMMERS ] NO! NO!

I DID! SAY IT!

SAY IT!

SAY IT!

SAY IT!

OKAY!

YOU HAVE CUT BACK.

BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

THANK YOU.

BUT IT'S STILL CUTTING YOUR CHECK BACK.

COME ON, DANNY.

I JUST NEED YOU TO REALLY HELP ME OUT THIS MONTH.

AAH!

OKAY. HOW MUCH ARE YOU SHORT?

$300.

[ SIGHS ] OKAY.

GIVE ME THE $400.

WHAT?

YOU WANT ME TO COVER IT, SO GIVE ME THE MONEY.

WHOA!

WHAT DO YOU WANT THIS $400 FOR?

RENT IS $1,400 A MONTH.

MM‐HMM.

$700 FOR YOU, $700 FOR ME.

YOU'RE SHORT $300, THEN GIVE ME THE $400!

I THINK THAT MEANS I GIVE YOU THE NOTHING!

YOU ARE HOPELESS.

OKAY, OKAY! OKAY. FINE.

JUST LET ME KEEP 100 BUCKS FOR THE TWINS' PARTY.

THAT'S FOUR BOOBS!

[four] THAT'S FOREPLAY.

I TELL YOU WHAT.

WHAT?

I'LL MAKE YOU A BET.

I'LL GIVE YOU $700

IF YOU CAN SPEND AN ENTIRE WEEKEND AT THE APARTMENT.

"WHAIT."

I'M "WHAITING."

$700?

MM‐HMM.

I'LL COVER THE ENTIRE RENT

IF YOU CAN SPEND AN ENTIRE WEEKEND AT THE APARTMENT.

[ STAMMERS ]

DEAL.

AND IF YOU LOSE,

NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE TO ASK MARIANNA

FOR AN ADVANCE ON YOUR PAY,

BUT I GET TO PUT YOU ON A BUDGET.

AND YOU HAVE TO SIGN A DEAL

THAT SAYS YOU AGREE TO LET YOUR CHECK

GET DEPOSITED DIRECTLY INTO MY ACCOUNT

FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS.

SO, I'M GIVING YOU THE MONEY SO THAT WAY YOU CAN TRACK IT

AND MAKE SURE IT GOES TOWARDS RENT?

PRETTY MUCH, YEAH.

WHAT?!

I PUT YOU ON A BUDGET!

I CAN'T BE ON ONE OF YOUR BUDGETS!

WHY NOT?

LOOK AT YOU!

YOU'RE SO...SMALL!

I MEAN, YOU COULD LIVE OFF OF BIRDSEED AND DAISIES!

HAIR BRAIDS AND SLEEPOVERS!

I'M A MAN'S MAN.

[ Western accent ] I NEED STEAK.

FUNDS.

CRIME.

A LIFE JUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS.

YOU ARE NOT THAT GUY.

YOU NEED THE RENT.

[ Normal voice ] OKAY, DEAL.

COOL. THE BET STARTS NOW.

BAM!

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

I'M GONNA WIN.

I'M GON‐‐ HEY!

ARE WE CLEAR

ON THE GROUND RULES OF THIS BET?

YES.

AHP, AHP, AHP!

JUST TO MAKE SURE.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE FROM NOW UNTIL MONDAY MORNING.

WHAT IF THERE'S A FIRE?

YOU CAN LEAVE FOR EMERGENCIES.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THIS IS GONNA BE A BREEZE.

I DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE APARTMENT

TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

AND YOU CAN'T BRING THE PARTY TO YOU!

AAH!

YOU GOT ME.

JUST GONNA BE YOU AND ME ALONE...

...FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND!

WHAT ARE WE? MARRIED?

COME ON!

PBHT!

SST! SST!

PBHT! PBHT!

[ CHUCKLES ] [ CHUCKLES ]

YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.

YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE, EITHER.

MY TYPE IS A GIRL.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW? MY TYPE IS A GIRL, TOO!

IS IT?

IS IT, MR. MANI/PEDI?

MEN DO THAT ALL THE TIME.

YEAH. WO‐MEN.

COME ON.

I SAID I WAS IN.

AND THIS IS GONNA BE THE EASIEST 700 BUCKS I'VE EVER MADE.

EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME IN TIJUANA.

WHO KNEW GOATS COULD RUN SO FAST?

[ SIGHS ] COME ON.

LET'S SHAKE ON IT.

OKAY. WAIT.

ARE YOUR FINGERS CROSSED?

NO.

YES, THEY ARE!

HA HA!

OKAY. YOU GOT ME.

NOW YOUR LEGS ARE CROSSED.

NOTHING GETS BY YOU.

NOW YOUR EYES ARE CROSSED?

YOU ARE SO SMART.

LET'S SHAKE ON IT.

DEAL.

OOH. DAY ONE STARTS NOW.

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

GOING SOMEWHERE?

COME ON, MAN!

GO ON. LEAVE.

I WASN'T!

THEN WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

WHAT I WAS DOING

WAS A‐NOT A‐GOING... ANYWHERE!

WHY NOT?

[ GASPS ]

YOU THINK I CAN'T WIN THIS BET!

[ LAUGHS ] I KNOW YOU CAN'T!

YES, I CAN!

GO ON, SAM.

GO ON.

NO!

YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

NO.

BUT THE NIGHT LIFE IS.

AND IT'S NIGHT.

AND IT'S FILLED WITH A WHOLE LOT OF LIFE!

AND, OH!

IT'S ‐‐ IT'S CALLING YOU.

OH?

[ Singsong voice ] SAM.

SOUNDS LIKE THAT GOAT ‐‐ SHEEP FROM TIJUANA.

NO!

NO! YOU ARE NOT WINNING THIS!

[ Normal voice ] I ALREADY WON.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

SAM, YOU WERE GONNA LEAVE THE APARTMENT.

BUT I DIDN'T!

BUT YOU WANTED TO.

THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WANTING TO

AND...DOING TO.

BUT YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT. LITERALLY.

I DESPISE YOU!

YEAH?

WELL, THE NIGHT LIFE IS CALLING,

AND, OH!

YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S SAYING?

[ Singsong voice ] SAM.

NEVER LOOK A GIFT SHEEP IN THE MOUTH!

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

MM, MM, MM! I CAN COOK.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, JUST ENJOYING ME SOME BREAKFAST!

OH, THAT'S GREAT. I AM STARVING.

OH, SORRY.

THERE WAS ONLY ENOUGH FOOD FOR ME.

WHAT?!

OH!

YOU DIDN'T!

OH!

SORRY. WE'RE OUT OF FOOD.

YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT OF BREATH IN A FEW SECONDS!

HEY. HEY!

YOU STOP IT! YOU STOP IT!

STOP IT!

IT'S UNFAIR, DANNY!

WELL, YOU GOT TO EAT,

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO OUT AND GET SOMETHING?

YOU DON'T KNOW ME, DO YOU?

YES, I DO.

NOT IF YOU THINK FOOD IS GONNA MAKE ME LOSE THIS BET.

I CAN DO WITHOUT.

BUT CAN YOU DO WITHOUT BECKY?

DANNY!

YEAH, SHE CALLED LAST NIGHT.

AND SHE SAID

HER FRIEND FROM [Swedish accent] SWEDEN

[Normal voice] IS IN TOWN,

AND THEY WANT TO RIDE ON THE SAM TRAIN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU HAVE JUST HIT BELOW THE BELT.

THAT'S WHERE SHE WANTS TO HIT.

SO, YOU KNOW, THEY'VE BEEN OUT ALL NIGHT,

AND, UH, THEY ARE WAITING TO SEE YOU.

YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!

I'VE LIVED WITH YOU FOR MONTHS, SAM,

AND I'M ALREADY IN HELL.

COME ON, DANNY!

YOU WANT ME TO JUST STAY IN THE APARTMENT ALL WEEKEND?

YES.

WHY?

[ Sobbing ] WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

YOU CAN LEAVE ANY TIME YOU WANT TO.

FINE.

FINE.

I'M LEAVING RIGHT NOW.

GO ON.

NO.

[ GROANS ] [ DOOR CLOSES ]

I'M STAYING.

ARGH!

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

ONLY 18 MORE HOURS.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

I WAS TALKING TO...GOD?

GOD? DOES HE EVEN KNOW YOU?

YOU'RE CUTE.

LITTLE AND CUTE.

I'M SORRY.

WHAT DID YOU ASK GOD?

I ASKED HIM TO SMOTE YOU DOWN IN THE FIERY FURNACE!

SAM, LISTEN.

GO ON OUT. I KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR YOU.

WHAT'S HARD?

STAYING IN THE APARTMENT ALL WEEKEND.

GO ON.

IT'S NOT HARD.

IT'S NOT? MNH‐MNH.

STAYING IN THE APARTMENT WITH YOU IS HARD!

SAM, I'M YOUR FRIEND.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YES, I AM.

YOU LOCKED ME IN HERE WITH YOU!

THAT'S NOT A FRIEND, DANNY!

I WAS JUST TRYING TO SHOW YOU

THAT YOU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS.

HUH.

I LIKE DISTRACTIONS.

I'M HERE FOR YOU.

YOU DON'T HAVE BOOBS.

WELL, IF IT'S TOO MUCH FOR YOU, THEN JUST GO ON OUT.

BECKY CALLED, AND THEY'RE DOWNSTAIRS.

[ GASPS ]

Y‐‐

YOU ARE SO EVIL!

I THINK I HEAR THE HORN BLOWING.

OH.

I CAN'T! I CAN'T!

I C‐‐

I'M COMING, BECKY!

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

GO ON.

NO!

GO ON!

NO! SAM, REALLY.

GO ON. I WANT YOU TO HANG OUT.

REALLY?

REALLY.

[ CHUCKLES ] THANKS, DANNY.

[ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

AH! I WON THE BET!

YOU ARE SO WRONG!

AND I'M GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN!

THE BEST $700 I NEVER WON.

[ Chanting ] B‐E‐C‐K‐Y.

WHY? BECAUSE I CAN. AND I'M GONNA.

I HOPE YOU CATCH SOMETHING...

...AT THAT NEXT GOAT RACE!