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1
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,408
[ Singsong voice ]
MORNING.
2
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:11,177
HEY.
3
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:13,847
IS MY MAMA AROUND?
4
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,016
AROUND WHAT?
5
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:19,185
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
6
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:20,687
IS SHE AROUND 100?
7
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,188
YES.
8
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,457
STOP IT, FLOYD.
9
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:27,728
WELL, HELL, SHE IS.
10
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,896
IS SHE AROUND HERE?
11
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,497
SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN.
12
00:00:31,497 --> 00:00:33,133
SHE'S PROBABLY
IN THE BACK ROOM
13
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,068
HANGING UPSIDE DOWN
LIKE MOST BATS DO.
14
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:39,139
THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK ABOUT
YOUR SISTERâINâLAW.
15
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:42,408
YOU SAID THE MAGIC WORD ââ
"INâLAW."
16
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,947
SHE SHOULD'VE BEEN
AN OUTLAW.
17
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:49,850
WELL, I'M HAPPY
SHE'S IN THE BACK.
18
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,485
I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
19
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:56,890
[ Mockingly ]
WELL WHAT IS IT?
20
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,792
TOMORROW'S HER BIRTHDAY.
OKAY.
21
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,026
THIS YEAR, I WAS THINKING
22
00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:01,735
WE SHOULD
DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
23
00:01:01,735 --> 00:01:04,638
OH, LINDA.
24
00:01:04,638 --> 00:01:08,008
I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE GONNA
GO THROUGH WITH THAT IDEA.
25
00:01:08,008 --> 00:01:10,577
WHAT IDEA?
26
00:01:10,577 --> 00:01:12,779
THIS IS THE YEAR
THAT YOU DECIDE TO PUT HER AWAY
27
00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:14,515
IN A NURSING HOME
AND LOCK HER AWAY.
28
00:01:15,649 --> 00:01:18,585
RIGHT?
29
00:01:18,585 --> 00:01:20,854
NO, FLOYD. STOP IT.
THAT'S MEAN.
30
00:01:20,854 --> 00:01:22,055
AND SO IS SHE.
31
00:01:24,390 --> 00:01:28,595
I HAVE A NICE IDEA ââ
A REALLY GOOD IDEA.
32
00:01:28,595 --> 00:01:30,597
I'M SURE
IN THAT BIGâASS HEAD OF YOURS,
33
00:01:30,597 --> 00:01:32,999
THERE'S PLENTY OF IDEAS
SWIMMING AROUND IN THERE.
34
00:01:32,999 --> 00:01:37,437
DONG! DONG! DONG!
35
00:01:37,437 --> 00:01:38,872
FLOYD!
36
00:01:38,872 --> 00:01:40,073
NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
37
00:01:40,073 --> 00:01:42,308
YOU AIN'T EVEN GOT TO TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
38
00:01:42,308 --> 00:01:45,045
'CAUSE LOOKING AT YOUR FOREHEAD,
WHICH BY THE WAY,
39
00:01:45,045 --> 00:01:49,683
IS AN EGG HEAD, IT'S LIKE
LOOKING AT A BIG SCREEN IN 3âD.
40
00:01:49,683 --> 00:01:51,384
OOH!
41
00:01:55,188 --> 00:01:56,990
ENOUGH!
42
00:01:56,990 --> 00:01:58,592
THAT'S WHAT
THEY SHOULD'VE TOLD GOD
43
00:01:58,592 --> 00:01:59,960
WHEN HE WAS
MAKING YOUR HEAD.
44
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,836
THAT'S ââ YOU KNOW, I DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHY I TALK TO YOU.
45
00:02:02,836 --> 00:02:05,839
I BEEN SAYING THE SAME THING
FOR YEARS.
46
00:02:05,839 --> 00:02:08,208
I CAME IN HERE
IN A GREAT MOOD.
47
00:02:08,208 --> 00:02:11,812
I THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO HEAR
MY IDEA AND HELP ME WITH IT.
48
00:02:11,812 --> 00:02:12,913
NO, I DON'T.
49
00:02:15,481 --> 00:02:18,084
FINE, THEN I'M NOT GONNA
TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.
50
00:02:18,084 --> 00:02:20,153
OKAY, THEN.
THANK YOU.
51
00:02:20,153 --> 00:02:21,187
COME ON, FLOYD.
52
00:02:21,187 --> 00:02:23,389
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT IT IS?
53
00:02:23,389 --> 00:02:26,893
GIRL, GO AHEAD.
HELL.
54
00:02:26,893 --> 00:02:29,429
I WANT TO THROW MY MAMA
A SURPRISE PARTY
55
00:02:29,429 --> 00:02:32,032
TOMORROW AT HER HOUSE.
56
00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:34,234
WHAT?
57
00:02:34,234 --> 00:02:36,236
YES.
58
00:02:36,236 --> 00:02:38,572
THAT'S
THE GREAT BIG IDEA?
59
00:02:38,572 --> 00:02:41,041
YES, DON'T YOU THINK
SHE'LL LIKE IT?
60
00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:42,208
YEAH.
61
00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:43,544
LET ME KNOW
HOW IT TURNS OUT.
62
00:02:45,612 --> 00:02:48,114
[ Whining ] UNCLE FLOYD.
63
00:02:48,114 --> 00:02:50,316
[ Mockingly ] WHAT?
64
00:02:52,753 --> 00:02:55,756
ââCaptions by VITACââ
www.vitac.com
65
00:02:55,756 --> 00:02:58,759
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS
66
00:03:12,713 --> 00:03:14,881
UNCLE FLOYD,
YOU HAVE TO BE THERE.
67
00:03:14,881 --> 00:03:15,949
NO, I DON'T.
68
00:03:15,949 --> 00:03:19,920
BUT I DON'T KNOW
ALL OF HER FRIENDS.
69
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,455
SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
70
00:03:22,455 --> 00:03:25,091
YES, SHE DOES.
71
00:03:25,091 --> 00:03:26,927
DO YOU REALLY KNOW
YOUR MAMA?
72
00:03:26,927 --> 00:03:29,963
SHE DOES.
73
00:03:29,963 --> 00:03:31,898
I WENT THROUGH HER PHONEBOOK,
I PUT A LIST TOGETHER.
74
00:03:31,898 --> 00:03:33,099
I NEED TO KNOW
WHAT YOU THINK
75
00:03:33,099 --> 00:03:34,735
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
HALF THE PEOPLE ON IT.
76
00:03:34,735 --> 00:03:36,169
I DON'T KNOW THEM,
EITHER.
77
00:03:36,169 --> 00:03:38,138
YOU'RE AROUND HER
MORE THAN I AM.
78
00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:39,973
THAT'S NOT BY CHOICE.
79
00:03:39,973 --> 00:03:42,976
JUST LOOK AT IT.
80
00:03:42,976 --> 00:03:44,978
IT'S THE GUEST LIST
FOR THE SURPRISE PARTY.
81
00:03:44,978 --> 00:03:46,079
WAIT A MINUTE.
HOLD ON.
82
00:03:46,079 --> 00:03:47,581
YOU REALLY WANT
TO THROW YOUR MAMA
83
00:03:47,581 --> 00:03:49,850
A SURPRISE
BIRTHDAY PARTY?
84
00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:51,284
YES.
85
00:03:51,284 --> 00:03:56,422
YOU WANT YOUR 75âYEARâOLD MAMA
TO WALK INTO A DARK ROOM
86
00:03:56,422 --> 00:03:59,425
AND EVERYBODY JUMP OUT OF
NOWHERE AND SAY, "SURPRISE!"?
87
00:03:59,425 --> 00:04:03,369
YES. IT'LL BE FUN.
88
00:04:03,369 --> 00:04:07,908
LINDA, WHEN YOU GET TO BE
YOUR MAMA'S AGE,
89
00:04:07,908 --> 00:04:11,377
IT'S NOT REALLY SAFE TO HAVE
A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY,
90
00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:14,214
HAVING PEOPLE YELL OUT,
"SURPRISE!"
91
00:04:14,214 --> 00:04:16,382
WHY NOT?
92
00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:19,052
BECAUSE SHE'LL DIE.
93
00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:21,354
FLOYD.
94
00:04:21,354 --> 00:04:23,624
AND SHE'LL PEE.
95
00:04:23,624 --> 00:04:25,458
FLOYD.
96
00:04:25,458 --> 00:04:27,994
SHE'LL BE DEAD AND WET.
97
00:04:27,994 --> 00:04:30,631
OR YOU'LL GET A SURPRISE
FROM HER.
98
00:04:30,631 --> 00:04:32,332
YOU KNOW
YOUR MAMA PACKING.
99
00:04:32,332 --> 00:04:34,901
STOP IT.
100
00:04:34,901 --> 00:04:36,235
NO, SERIOUSLY.
101
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:39,539
YOU KNOW SHE SHOOTS FIRST
AND ASKS QUESTIONS NEVER.
102
00:04:39,539 --> 00:04:41,241
SHE WON'T DO THAT.
103
00:04:41,241 --> 00:04:42,743
SHE'LL LOVE IT.
104
00:04:42,743 --> 00:04:45,011
THIS WILL BE
HER FIRST SURPRISE PARTY.
105
00:04:45,011 --> 00:04:46,412
AND HER LAST.
106
00:04:47,881 --> 00:04:52,886
YOU ââ ON SECOND THOUGHT,
MAYBE WE SHOULD YELL "SURPRISE."
107
00:04:52,886 --> 00:04:54,254
I KNOW.
108
00:04:54,254 --> 00:04:56,557
SHE'LL LOVE IT.
109
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:58,559
AND THEN THAT WAY,
SHE'LL BE DEAD.
110
00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:02,435
[ Chuckling ] YES.
111
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:04,671
I LOVE IT.
112
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:07,541
WOULD YOU STOP IT
AND JUST LOOK AT THIS LIST?
113
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,076
FINE.
114
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:12,112
OH, THIS'LL NEVER WORK.
MNHâMNH.
115
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,446
WHY NOT?
116
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,381
THOSE PEOPLE ARE DEAD.
117
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,552
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
118
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:21,955
BECAUSE
THEY'RE OLD NAMES.
119
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:28,361
PEOPLE WITH OLD NAMES LIKE THAT
ARE MORE DEAD THAN ALIVE.
120
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:29,696
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
121
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:30,897
READ THE LIST.
122
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,799
HANNAH.
123
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,935
OH, YEAH.
THAT'S OLD TESTAMENT DEAD.
124
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,904
EUNICE.
125
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:41,241
WHOO!
YOU KNOW SHE DEAD.
126
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:44,578
MILDRED.
127
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,379
OOH, UGLY DEAD.
128
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:49,650
BEATRICE.
129
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,586
THAT BEâAâDEAD.
130
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,088
WELL,
WHAT ABOUT ROSE?
131
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:58,625
UNLESS SHE ROSE FROM THE DEAD,
SHE DEAD.
132
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:01,334
RUTH.
133
00:06:01,334 --> 00:06:04,938
SHE WAS BORN WITH A OLD NAME.
SHE DEAD.
134
00:06:04,938 --> 00:06:06,907
WILMA.
135
00:06:06,907 --> 00:06:10,010
OH,
THAT'S BEDROCK OLD DEAD.
136
00:06:10,010 --> 00:06:12,946
[ SIGHS ]
OH, UNCLE FLOYD, YOU'RE RIGHT.
137
00:06:12,946 --> 00:06:15,749
'CAUSE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL
THESE PEOPLE FOR HOURS.
138
00:06:15,749 --> 00:06:18,418
WELL, YOU KNOW
THERE'S NO DIRECT LINE TO HELL.
139
00:06:18,418 --> 00:06:21,755
THEY'RE NOT IN HELL.
140
00:06:21,755 --> 00:06:24,925
IF THEY WERE FRIENDS
WITH YOUR MAMA, THEY ARE.
141
00:06:24,925 --> 00:06:27,427
THIS IS SO SAD.
142
00:06:27,427 --> 00:06:28,562
I KNOW, RIGHT?
143
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,797
MOST OF HER FRIENDS
ARE DEAD.
144
00:06:30,797 --> 00:06:32,666
HMM.
145
00:06:32,666 --> 00:06:35,268
I WONDER
WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM.
146
00:06:35,268 --> 00:06:36,703
YOU KNOW WHAT?
147
00:06:36,703 --> 00:06:40,106
PROBABLY SOMEBODY THREW THEM
A PARTY AND YELLED "SURPRISE!"
148
00:06:40,106 --> 00:06:43,644
KILLED THEM DEAD.
149
00:06:43,644 --> 00:06:45,779
I'M GONNA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,
DANNY,
150
00:06:45,779 --> 00:06:47,548
I THINK
IT'S A FOOLISH IDEA.
151
00:06:47,548 --> 00:06:49,382
NO, IT ISN'T.
YES, IT IS.
152
00:06:49,382 --> 00:06:51,151
WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH Y'ALL NOW?
153
00:06:51,151 --> 00:06:54,320
DANNY CAME UP WITH THE DUMBEST
IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD.
154
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,623
WELL, THAT MEAN
THAT'S NORMAL FOR HIM.
155
00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:58,291
[ CHUCKLES ]
156
00:06:58,291 --> 00:07:00,867
HEY,
YOU'RE MY UNCLE.
157
00:07:00,867 --> 00:07:03,003
"B" ââ BY MARRIAGE.
158
00:07:05,405 --> 00:07:06,873
WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
159
00:07:06,873 --> 00:07:08,909
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
ALWAYS BE ON MY SIDE.
160
00:07:08,909 --> 00:07:11,878
BUT IT'S SO MUCH FUN
BEING AGAINST YOU.
161
00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:14,247
[ LAUGHS ] RIGHT?
RIGHT.
162
00:07:14,247 --> 00:07:16,983
LIKE THE TIME
HE WAS PLAYING LITTLE LEAGUE.
163
00:07:16,983 --> 00:07:18,084
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
164
00:07:18,084 --> 00:07:19,753
AND I WAS ROOTING FOR
THE OTHER TEAM.
165
00:07:19,753 --> 00:07:21,655
[ LAUGHS ] RIGHT?
THEY WERE WINNING.
166
00:07:21,655 --> 00:07:22,756
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
167
00:07:22,756 --> 00:07:25,091
RIGHT?
168
00:07:25,091 --> 00:07:27,160
[ Voice breaking ]
THAT WASN'T FUNNY, UNCLE FLOYD.
169
00:07:29,395 --> 00:07:33,600
[ Mockingly ] DON'T BE UPSET,
LITTLE DANNY.
170
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,536
[ Mockingly ]
WELL, GOOD GRACIOUS.
171
00:07:35,536 --> 00:07:37,771
I'LL MAKE SURE
172
00:07:37,771 --> 00:07:42,676
THAT I COME TO
YOUR NEXT LITTLEâLEAGUE GAME.
173
00:07:42,676 --> 00:07:46,179
[ LAUGHS ]
THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
174
00:07:46,179 --> 00:07:47,247
FINE.
175
00:07:47,247 --> 00:07:49,249
[ Crying ] MAMA.
176
00:07:49,249 --> 00:07:52,553
HEY, BABY.
177
00:07:52,553 --> 00:07:54,588
HEY, UH,
I HAVE A GREAT IDEA.
178
00:07:54,588 --> 00:07:55,689
WELL, WHAT'S THAT?
179
00:07:55,689 --> 00:07:58,024
I THINK
IT'S A BAD IDEA.
180
00:07:58,024 --> 00:07:59,025
WELL, WHAT IS IT?
181
00:07:59,025 --> 00:08:00,260
IS GRANDMA AROUND?
182
00:08:00,260 --> 00:08:01,935
AROUND WHAT?
OH.
183
00:08:01,935 --> 00:08:03,937
I SAID
THE SAME THING.
184
00:08:03,937 --> 00:08:05,506
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
185
00:08:05,506 --> 00:08:06,940
IS SHE AROUND 100?
186
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:08,474
WHAT?!
187
00:08:08,474 --> 00:08:09,776
ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
188
00:08:09,776 --> 00:08:11,011
WHA?
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
189
00:08:11,011 --> 00:08:12,245
WE HERE.
WE'RE HERE.
190
00:08:12,245 --> 00:08:14,314
WE'RE HERE.
WE'RE HERE.
191
00:08:14,314 --> 00:08:15,816
STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU.
192
00:08:15,816 --> 00:08:17,918
NOW,
WHAT'S YOUR IDEA, BABY?
193
00:08:17,918 --> 00:08:19,653
WELL, I THOUGHT
194
00:08:19,653 --> 00:08:22,556
WE SHOULD THROW GRANDMA
A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.
195
00:08:22,556 --> 00:08:25,291
OH! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
I THOUGHT THE SAME THING.
196
00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:28,094
WE'RE HERE. WE'RE HERE.
WE'RE HERE. WE'RE HERE.
197
00:08:28,094 --> 00:08:29,395
[ CHUCKLES ]
198
00:08:29,395 --> 00:08:30,764
THAT'S IT.
CONFIRMATION.
199
00:08:30,764 --> 00:08:35,135
TOMORROW, WE'RE THROWING
YOUR GRANDMA A SURPRISE PARTY.
200
00:08:35,135 --> 00:08:37,604
[ CHUCKLES ]
201
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:41,542
AND TOMORROW,
WE'RE PLANNING A FUNERAL.
202
00:08:41,542 --> 00:08:42,909
[ CHUCKLES ]
203
00:08:42,909 --> 00:08:48,014
HATTIE. HATTIE.
HATTIE. HATTIE.
204
00:08:51,251 --> 00:08:53,086
I KNEW
THIS WAS A GREAT IDEA.
205
00:08:53,086 --> 00:08:54,588
YEAH.
206
00:08:54,588 --> 00:08:58,659
GREAT IDEA THAT
YOU CAME UP WITH YOUR MOMMY.
207
00:08:58,659 --> 00:09:03,537
DANNY,
I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
208
00:09:03,537 --> 00:09:06,372
BABY, I'M SO HAPPY
WE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.
209
00:09:06,372 --> 00:09:07,473
ME TOO, MOM.
210
00:09:07,473 --> 00:09:08,975
YOU EVER HEARD OF
NORMAN BATES?
211
00:09:08,975 --> 00:09:11,277
UH...
212
00:09:11,277 --> 00:09:13,479
HE WAS COMMITTED
TO HIS MOTHER, TOO.
213
00:09:13,479 --> 00:09:17,684
AND THEN
HE WAS JUST COMMITTED.
214
00:09:17,684 --> 00:09:19,686
LEAVE MY DANNY ALONE.
215
00:09:19,686 --> 00:09:21,722
THANKS, MOM.
216
00:09:21,722 --> 00:09:24,558
WE CAN'T HELP IT
THAT GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE.
217
00:09:26,192 --> 00:09:29,630
THAT BIGâASS HEAD, YOU SHOULD BE
THINKING LIKE EVERYBODY.
218
00:09:31,464 --> 00:09:35,001
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU'RE KILLING ME.
219
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:37,771
NO, SERIOUSLY,
WHY ARE WE THE ONLY ONES
220
00:09:37,771 --> 00:09:41,107
AT THIS SURPRISE
BIRTHDAY PARTY?
221
00:09:41,107 --> 00:09:44,711
EVERYBODY WAS DEAD
ON MY LIST.
222
00:09:44,711 --> 00:09:46,747
SHOULD'VE HAD THIS PARTY
AT THE CEMETERY.
223
00:09:46,747 --> 00:09:48,582
[ CHUCKLES ]
224
00:09:48,582 --> 00:09:52,018
COULD'VE SAVED MONEY
ON THE HEARSE
225
00:09:52,018 --> 00:09:55,589
AFTER WE KILL HER
WHEN WE SAY, "SURPRISE!"
226
00:09:59,726 --> 00:10:02,368
WELL, I MADE TWO LISTS ââ
ONE OF HER FRIENDS AND ââ
227
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:05,539
LET ME SEE
THESE LISTS HERE.
228
00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:07,340
DID YOU CALL
EVERYBODY ON THIS LIST?
229
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,976
YEAH, BUT WHEN I MENTIONED
GRANDMA'S NAME,
230
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:11,645
THEY ALL
HUNG UP ON ME.
231
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:14,047
GOOD.
232
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,616
WHY?
233
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,718
'CAUSE EVERYBODY ON THIS LIST
HATES HER.
234
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:22,222
WELL,
WHAT IF I CALL THIS LIST?
235
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,524
STILL AIN'T GONNA
DO NO GOOD.
236
00:10:23,524 --> 00:10:24,791
WHY?
237
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,295
'CAUSE EVERYBODY ON THIS LIST,
SHE HATES.
238
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,532
UNDERSTAND,
YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS A MOTHERââ
239
00:10:31,532 --> 00:10:33,133
All: HEY! HEY! HEY!
240
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,835
I'M JUST
TALKING ABOUT HATTIE.
241
00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:38,672
OKAY, LISTEN, IT'S JUST
THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
242
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:42,408
I KNOW IT'S JUST US HERE,
BUT THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
243
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:45,846
I AGREE, MARIANNA.
THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!
244
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:49,916
YES, IT IS.
245
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:58,191
ALL I'M SAYING IS MAY NOT BE
A GOOD IDEA TO YELL "SURPRISE!"
246
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:02,769
THEN WHAT'S THE POINT
IN HAVING A SURPRISE PARTY?
247
00:11:02,769 --> 00:11:05,205
THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
248
00:11:05,205 --> 00:11:07,741
OKAY.
SHOOT YOURSELF.
249
00:11:07,741 --> 00:11:10,977
I MEAN SUIT YOURSELF.
250
00:11:19,185 --> 00:11:21,221
THIS PLACE
LOOKS LOVELY.
251
00:11:21,221 --> 00:11:23,524
SHE'S GONNA LOVE IT.
252
00:11:23,524 --> 00:11:25,158
I'LL SAY.
253
00:11:25,158 --> 00:11:27,127
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH
FOR HELPING DECORATE.
254
00:11:27,127 --> 00:11:28,995
OH, DANNY,
YOU'RE SO WELCOME.
255
00:11:28,995 --> 00:11:30,797
I THINK
IT'S SO SWEET OF YOU
256
00:11:30,797 --> 00:11:33,033
TO THROW THIS BIRTHDAY PARTY
FOR YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
257
00:11:33,033 --> 00:11:34,400
SUCH A SWEET BOY.
258
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,202
REALLY?
259
00:11:36,202 --> 00:11:37,938
YES.
260
00:11:37,938 --> 00:11:39,339
I'M SWEET, TOO.
261
00:11:42,075 --> 00:11:44,878
I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT WE'RE
THROWING A PARTY FOR GRANDMA
262
00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:46,112
ON A SATURDAY NIGHT
263
00:11:46,112 --> 00:11:49,315
WHEN ALL THE YOUNG PEOPLE
ARE OUT PARTYING ALL NIGHT.
264
00:11:49,315 --> 00:11:53,654
SO SWEET!
265
00:11:53,654 --> 00:11:54,955
AH, SAM.
266
00:11:54,955 --> 00:11:58,925
I KNOW, RIGHT?
267
00:11:58,925 --> 00:12:00,093
SO SWEET.
268
00:12:00,093 --> 00:12:03,403
YOU KNOW,
WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER TURNED 75,
269
00:12:03,403 --> 00:12:05,506
WE TOOK HER
FOR A VACATION.
270
00:12:05,506 --> 00:12:08,274
REALLY?
WHERE'D YOU GUYS GO?
271
00:12:08,274 --> 00:12:10,511
A LONG TRAIN RIDE.
272
00:12:12,145 --> 00:12:14,347
AND WE THREW HER
IN FRONT OF IT.
273
00:12:14,347 --> 00:12:16,116
Linda: OOH, OOH!
274
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:18,885
SHE'S COMING! SHE'S COMING!
SHE'S COMING!
275
00:12:18,885 --> 00:12:21,922
Danny: WAIT, LET ME GET
MY CAMERA READY!
276
00:12:21,922 --> 00:12:23,724
Floyd: I'M OUT OF HERE.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
277
00:12:23,724 --> 00:12:25,491
Marianna:
SAM, GET AWAY FROM ME.
278
00:12:25,491 --> 00:12:26,527
Sam: IT'S NOT ME.
279
00:12:26,527 --> 00:12:29,663
OOPS. SORRY, MARIANNA.
[ CHUCKLES ]
280
00:12:29,663 --> 00:12:34,034
SAM,
GET AWAY FROM ME!
281
00:12:34,034 --> 00:12:35,702
NOW THAT'S ME.
282
00:12:40,306 --> 00:12:42,442
All: SURPRISE!
283
00:12:42,442 --> 00:12:44,578
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
284
00:12:46,613 --> 00:12:48,882
OH, MY HEAVENS.
MAMA?
285
00:12:48,882 --> 00:12:51,451
GO AHEAD.
MAKE MY DAY.
286
00:12:53,687 --> 00:12:56,022
GRANDMA,
YOU ALMOST KILLED US.
287
00:12:56,022 --> 00:12:58,458
NO,
Y'ALL TRYING TO KILL ME.
288
00:12:58,458 --> 00:13:01,334
NO, WE WEREN'T.
289
00:13:01,334 --> 00:13:04,838
YES, THE HELL YOU WAS,
THROWING A SURPRISE PARTY.
290
00:13:04,838 --> 00:13:08,341
WE WERE TRYING
TO BE NICE.
291
00:13:08,341 --> 00:13:12,713
WELL, IF YOU WANT TO BE NICE,
THEN GET THE HELL OUT.
292
00:13:12,713 --> 00:13:13,947
HATTIE,
PUT THE GUN AWAY
293
00:13:13,947 --> 00:13:15,782
BEFORE YOU SHOOT
ALL THEIR DUMB SELVES.
294
00:13:18,585 --> 00:13:23,089
Y'ALL SEE WHY
I WAS IN THE KITCHEN.
295
00:13:23,089 --> 00:13:25,659
COULD HAVE? SâSAM?
296
00:13:25,659 --> 00:13:26,693
SAM?
297
00:13:26,693 --> 00:13:28,595
IS HE SHOT?
298
00:13:28,595 --> 00:13:30,597
SAM, YOU OKAY?
299
00:13:30,597 --> 00:13:35,702
NO.
NOT MY BABY DADDY.
300
00:13:35,702 --> 00:13:37,871
SAM? TALK TO ME!
WHERE ARE YOU HIT?
301
00:13:37,871 --> 00:13:40,473
IT'S SO COLD.
302
00:13:40,473 --> 00:13:42,475
OH, SAM.
303
00:13:42,475 --> 00:13:44,044
WARM ME.
304
00:13:44,044 --> 00:13:46,212
WITH YOUR BODY.
305
00:13:46,212 --> 00:13:47,447
HERE, I'LL HELP.
306
00:13:47,447 --> 00:13:49,249
NO!
307
00:13:49,249 --> 00:13:50,250
SAM.
308
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:53,186
OH, I SHOULD CALL
THE AMBULANCE.
309
00:13:53,186 --> 00:13:54,921
OH, NO, UNHâUNH.
DON'T CALL NO AMBULANCE.
310
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,723
THEY'LL THINK
I DID IT ON PURPOSE.
311
00:13:56,723 --> 00:13:59,560
MISS HATTIE,
I HAVE TO.
312
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,635
I DIDN'T MEAN
TO SHOOT HIM.
313
00:14:01,635 --> 00:14:04,805
WE ALL GOING DOWN.
314
00:14:04,805 --> 00:14:08,875
AND HE'S A WHITE MAN?
315
00:14:08,875 --> 00:14:12,145
NO, SAM. PLEASE!
316
00:14:12,145 --> 00:14:14,314
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH I CARE.
317
00:14:14,314 --> 00:14:15,949
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
318
00:14:15,949 --> 00:14:18,018
[ CRIES ]
NEPHEW!
319
00:14:19,219 --> 00:14:21,121
COME ON BACK.
320
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:24,925
SAM?!
321
00:14:24,925 --> 00:14:29,596
WHERE ARE YOU HURT!
322
00:14:29,596 --> 00:14:34,234
HE DIDN'T GET SHOT
IN THE EARS, LINDA.
323
00:14:34,234 --> 00:14:37,638
DAMN!
324
00:14:37,638 --> 00:14:41,775
YOU GOT SURROUND SOUND
IN YOUR MOUTH?
325
00:14:41,775 --> 00:14:48,014
SHUDDER TO THINK
WHERE THE SUB WOOFER IS.
326
00:14:48,014 --> 00:14:53,086
WAIT A SECOND.
HE'S NOT EVEN BLEEDING.
327
00:14:53,086 --> 00:14:54,521
OH, WOW.
328
00:14:54,521 --> 00:14:56,623
IT'S A MIRACLE.
329
00:14:56,623 --> 00:14:59,492
HE'S NOT?
330
00:14:59,492 --> 00:15:03,870
SAM.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
331
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:06,372
I'M STILL COLD.
332
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,775
OKAY, WELL,
I'LL GET CLOSER, I GUESS.
333
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,044
THANK YOU.
334
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,847
SAM, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU SCARED US TO DEATH.
335
00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:16,316
WHAT?
SHE ALMOST SHOT US TO DEATH.
336
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:20,621
THEN DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
337
00:15:20,621 --> 00:15:22,488
YOU'RE STILL
HOLDING ME.
338
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,925
YEAH, I KNOW.
339
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,693
GET OFF OF ME.
340
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,629
AND WHO IS
THE LAME DUMBASS
341
00:15:28,629 --> 00:15:31,231
THAT THOUGHT
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA?
342
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:38,605
DANNY AND LINDA'S
DUMBASSES.
343
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,040
FLOYD!
344
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,407
HEY, THAT'S MY MAMA.
345
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:43,276
WELL,
YOU THE LAME DUMBASS JUNIOR
346
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,245
THAT SHOULD'VE
TALKED HER OUT OF IT.
347
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,313
GRANDMA, YOU CAN'T JUST BE
WALKING AROUND SHOOTING PEOPLE!
348
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:48,515
DANG!
349
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,717
I AIN'T JUST WALKING AROUND
SHOOTING PEOPLE.
350
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:54,254
Y'ALL ARE UP IN MY HOUSE!
DANG!
351
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,623
MISS HATTIE, A GUN?
352
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:57,724
REALLY?
353
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,727
YES, MA'AM.
I BE PACKING.
354
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:04,204
THERE'S PLENTY PEOPLE
LOVE TO ROB A LITTLE OLD LADY.
355
00:16:04,204 --> 00:16:06,707
LITTLE? YEAH.
356
00:16:06,707 --> 00:16:10,977
OLD? HELL YEAH.
357
00:16:12,078 --> 00:16:13,079
LADY?
358
00:16:13,079 --> 00:16:14,380
HELL NO.
359
00:16:19,986 --> 00:16:22,889
AND WHAT IS ALL THIS HERE
FOOLISHNESS ANYHOW?
360
00:16:22,889 --> 00:16:25,959
WE WERE JUST TRYING TO THROW YOU
A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.
361
00:16:25,959 --> 00:16:29,295
NO, HELL, Y'ALL WASN'T.
Y'ALL WAS TRYING TO KILL ME.
362
00:16:29,295 --> 00:16:34,400
TOLD Y'ALL.
363
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,903
AND FLOYD,
WHAT IS YOU SMILING AT?
364
00:16:41,775 --> 00:16:45,411
MISS HATTIE, DO YOU KNOW
THAT GUNS ARE DANGEROUS?
365
00:16:45,411 --> 00:16:47,514
YES, MA'AM.
THAT'S WHY I HAVE ONE.
366
00:16:49,082 --> 00:16:52,919
AND DO YOU KNOW THAT
WALKING UP ON ME IS DANGEROUSER?
367
00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:58,458
WOW.
368
00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:01,735
MAMA, THERE ARE FOUR BULLET
HOLES IN THIS HOUSE.
369
00:17:01,735 --> 00:17:04,470
NO, BABY, THERE'S 16.
370
00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:06,673
WHAT?
371
00:17:06,673 --> 00:17:08,474
HOW DID YOU GET
SO MANY?
372
00:17:08,474 --> 00:17:11,945
DID SOMEBODY ELSE TRY
TO SURPRISE YOU, MISS HATTIE?
373
00:17:11,945 --> 00:17:16,517
NO, BABY.
AIN'T NOBODY THAT DAMN STUPID.
374
00:17:18,819 --> 00:17:23,423
A COUPLE YOUNG THUGS
TRIED TO ROLL UP ON HERE ON ME,
375
00:17:23,423 --> 00:17:25,425
BUT BELIEVE ME,
I GOT THAT.
376
00:17:25,425 --> 00:17:27,628
I TOOK CARE OF IT,
YEAH.
377
00:17:27,628 --> 00:17:29,763
BABY,
I'M GONNA SHOW THEM ââ
378
00:17:29,763 --> 00:17:33,867
THIS RIGHT HERE, THIS AIN'T WHAT
THEY WANT BACK HERE.
379
00:17:35,702 --> 00:17:38,271
I HATE GUNS,
MISS HATTIE.
380
00:17:38,271 --> 00:17:41,174
DO YOU KNOW
HOW MANY PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY
381
00:17:41,174 --> 00:17:43,644
BECAUSE OF
CARELESSNESS LIKE THIS?
382
00:17:43,644 --> 00:17:46,279
I HAVE BEEN TELLING HER THAT
FOR YEARS.
383
00:17:46,279 --> 00:17:50,450
THIS HERE
IS FOR MY PROTECTION.
384
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:52,986
WELL,
GET A GUARD DOG.
385
00:17:52,986 --> 00:17:56,690
WELL, THAT'S WHY I HAVE YOU,
FLOYD.
386
00:17:56,690 --> 00:17:59,960
Drew: OKAY.
387
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:04,905
NOBODY WAS HURT...
UNFORTUNATELY.
388
00:18:04,905 --> 00:18:07,908
THINK EVERYBODY NEEDS TO
CALM DOWN.
389
00:18:07,908 --> 00:18:10,877
YOU'RE RIGHT.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANDMA.
390
00:18:10,877 --> 00:18:13,413
CAN WE JUST
HAVE SOME CAKE?
391
00:18:13,413 --> 00:18:14,848
YEAH,
THAT WOULD BE NICE.
392
00:18:14,848 --> 00:18:16,650
IT'S ALREADY BEEN CUT...
393
00:18:16,650 --> 00:18:19,085
BY HOT LEAD
RUNNING RIGHT THROUGH IT.
394
00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:29,062
WELL, THIS EVENING
STARTED WITH A BANG.
395
00:18:31,832 --> 00:18:33,734
NOT THE KIND OF BANG
I'D HOPED FOR.
396
00:18:33,734 --> 00:18:36,903
SHUT UP, SAM.
397
00:18:36,903 --> 00:18:38,772
BANG.
398
00:18:40,507 --> 00:18:42,809
THAT QUICK, HUH?
399
00:18:42,809 --> 00:18:44,745
HELL YEAH.
400
00:18:46,713 --> 00:18:48,381
WAIT, WHAT?
401
00:18:48,381 --> 00:18:51,151
HATTIE TOLD ME.
402
00:18:54,487 --> 00:18:56,322
WELL, THE NEXT TIME
Y'ALL WANT TO PLAN
403
00:18:56,322 --> 00:18:58,692
A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY,
Y'ALL NEED TO LET ME KNOW
404
00:18:58,692 --> 00:19:01,902
WHAT YOU'RE DOING
BEFORE YOU DO IT.
405
00:19:01,902 --> 00:19:06,306
THEN IT WOULDN'T BE
A SURPRISE.
406
00:19:06,306 --> 00:19:10,777
WELL, THEN YOU MIGHT NOT
GET YOUR EYES SHOT OFF, EITHER.
407
00:19:10,777 --> 00:19:14,180
SHE'S GOT
A GOOD POINT.
408
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:17,784
AND WHAT KIND OF PARTY IS THIS,
ANYHOW?
409
00:19:17,784 --> 00:19:20,153
WHERE ARE
ALL THE PEOPLES AT?
410
00:19:20,153 --> 00:19:21,855
I SEE Y'ALL EVERY DAY.
411
00:19:21,855 --> 00:19:25,692
WHERE THE MENS AT?
412
00:19:25,692 --> 00:19:28,028
WHERE THE STRIPPERS?
413
00:19:28,028 --> 00:19:29,563
WHERE THE HOS AT?
414
00:19:31,965 --> 00:19:34,067
OH, I HAD THAT ONE.
415
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:35,969
UGH.
416
00:19:35,969 --> 00:19:40,373
DAMN YOU,
WHITE LIGHTENING!
417
00:19:40,373 --> 00:19:42,809
WELL, WE MADE A LIST
AND CHECKED IT TWICE,
418
00:19:42,809 --> 00:19:44,778
BUT NOBODY WANTED
TO COME.
419
00:19:44,778 --> 00:19:46,980
IT'S NOT THAT
YOU THAT LOVED.
420
00:19:50,483 --> 00:19:52,786
MAMA, I MADE A LIST
FROM YOUR PHONEBOOK.
421
00:19:52,786 --> 00:19:54,655
OH, HELL NO! I KNOW YOU
AIN'T BEEN IN MY POCKETBOOK!
422
00:19:54,655 --> 00:19:55,822
WHO YOU DONE CALL?
423
00:19:55,822 --> 00:19:59,125
I CALLED HANNAH.
424
00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:00,326
HANNAH?
425
00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:02,402
OH, NO, SHE ââ SHE WASN'T
A GOOD PERSON TO CALL.
426
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,670
I SLEPT WITH HER MAN.
427
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,274
ELOUISE.
428
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:10,877
OH, ME AND ELOUISE
BEEN FELL OUT.
429
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,278
WHY?
430
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,047
'CAUSE I SLEPT WITH HER MAN,
TOO.
431
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:16,783
THAT'S TWO.
432
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,451
MILDRED.
433
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:21,555
MILDRED? YEAH.
434
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:23,524
I SLEPT WITH HER MAN,
TOO.
435
00:20:23,524 --> 00:20:25,258
THAT'S THREE.
436
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:28,194
WOW, MISS HATTIE.
YOU A FREAK, HUH?
437
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:31,431
YES, SIR.
I COULD TEACH YOU A FEW THINGS.
438
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:32,599
[ CHUCKLES ]
HEY NOW.
439
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,267
GRANDMA.
440
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:37,804
SHE NEEDS TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO GO TO CHURCH.
441
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:42,375
TEACH ME HOW TO GET
A WHORE FRIEND.
442
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,810
BEATRICE.
443
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,212
OOH,
I CAN'T STAND THAT BEâATCH.
444
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:49,315
MNHâMNH.
445
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:51,284
ROSE?
446
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:55,088
ROSE BEEN DEAD.
447
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,591
AND SO HAVE
THE REST OF THEM.
448
00:20:57,591 --> 00:20:58,659
YEAH.
29974
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