Original subtitles

WHEW! I'M SO TIRED!

OH, NO! NO, NO, FLOYD!

NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO SIT DOWN.

GRANDMA, WHERE DO YOU WANT THESE?

I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DOES IT READ ON THE BOX?

IT SAYS, "KI‐TCHEN."

THAT'S KITCHEN.

THEN THAT'S WHERE IT SHOULD GO.

UH, UH, I DON'T THINK SO.

WHY?

'CAUSE IT'S TOILET TISSUE.

FLOYD, WHY DID YOU WRITE THE WRONG THING ON THAT BOX?

BECAUSE I'M TIRED!

IT'S 3:00 A. M.! IT'S PAST MY BEDTIME!

I CAN'T EVEN SEE STRAIGHT!

YEAH, MISS HATTIE. HE HAS A POINT.

3:00 A. M. ‐‐ IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME?

[ LAUGHS ] REALLY?

OH, OLD PEOPLE.

YES. DOOFUS.

WELL, EVEN THOUGH IT IS LATE, MISS HATTIE,

I'VE HAD SO MUCH FUN HELPING YOU.

OH, YOU WOULD.

MARIANNA, YOU'RE SO RIGHT.

I KNOW.

I want her dead!

WELL, SAY THAT A LITTLE CLOSER TO HER,

AND YOU'LL ACCOMPLISH THAT.

MAMA, CAN WE GO HOME NOW?

OH, NO, BABY!

WE GOT TO GET THIS SPRING CLEANING DONE!

IT'S 3:00 A. M.! AND?

LINDA'S RIGHT. YOU SHOULDN'T BE PUSHING ALL THIS HARD.

OH, SHUT UP, FLOYD!

Y'ALL JUST A BUNCH OF WEAK ASSES.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE ‐‐

All: WE KNOW! I KNOW!

ALL THEM DAMN STORIES.

JUST BECAUSE YOU WORKED WITH HARRIET TUBMAN...

...DOESN'T MEAN WE GOT TO PULL

THE WHOLE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD TONIGHT.

FLOYD, YOU CAN'T DO NOTHING RIGHT!

LOOK AT THIS HERE FLOOR!

IT AIN'T EVEN CLEAN!

I'M WORKING ON IT!

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU NEED TO GET ON OUT THE WAY.

MOVE ON OUT ‐‐ WHOA!

OHH! OHH!

OH, HATTIE!

MAMA. GRANDMA.

MAMA, SAY SOMETHING!

I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

HATTIE, ARE YOU OKAY?

BABY, CALL THE AMBULANCE. OKAY.

NO, DON'T CALL NO AMBULAINCH!

MAMA, IT'S THE AMBULANCE.

WELL, IT'S GONNA BE AN AMBULAINCH

IF I'VE GOT TO PAY THAT DAMN BILL!

MAMA, YOU'RE HURT.

NO, I'M FINE!

HELP ME GET UP FROM HERE.

OH, GRANDMA, HERE ‐‐ I'LL HELP YOU UP.

NO!

YOU CAN'T MOVE HER.

WHY?

BECAUSE SHE'S A FOSSIL.

SHE'S RIGHT. WE CAN'T CALL THE AMBULAINCH.

WE NEED TO CALL AN ARCHAEOLOGIST.

STOP IT, FLOYD!

NO. OKAY, MARIANNA'S RIGHT.

IF SHE'S REALLY HURT BAD, AND WE MOVE HER,

THEN [Laughing] SHE COULD GET WORSE.

[ LAUGHS ] TRUST ME. I KNOW.

IF THAT'S THE CASE, I'LL MOVE HER.

NO, FLOYD! MOVE!

DON'T YOU TOUCH MY GRANDMOTHER!

WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MOVE HER.

SHE WAS RIGHT HERE.

WHOA! WHOA!

DANNY!

MAMA!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!

WHAT THE HELL YOU YELLING FOR?!

I'M NOT DEAF!

BUT I'M SURE GONNA NEED AN UMBRELLA

BY THE TIME YOU GET THROUGH SPITTING ON ME!

OH, MAMA.

MISS HATTIE, PLEASE, ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M FINE! I KEEP TELLING Y'ALL THAT!

HELP ME GET UP!

DAMN, SAM!

MISS ‐‐ MISS HATTIE,

I DON'T THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

HELP ME UP! [ GRUNTS ]

GIRL, DON'T BE PULLING ON MY LEG LIKE THAT!

WHAT DID YOU EAT? EVERYTHING?

WHAT DID YOUR MAMA EAT?

WHATEVER SHE ATE.

MAMA, I'M CALLING THE AMBULANCE.

NO, GIRL! NO! MAMA!

I'M SORRY, HATTIE.

JUST GET ME HOME, PLEASE.

MAMA, YOU NEED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.

IF YOU MENTION THAT DOCTOR ONE MORE AGAIN,

YOU'RE GONNA NEED HIM.

MISS HATTIE, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

WELL, I‐I FEELS A LITTLE DIZZY.

AAH! WHOA!

OOH!

GET YOUR HAND OFF MY GRANDMOTHER'S BOOB!

SORRY. IT'S LIKE AN ANCIENT MAGNET...

STONEHENGE.

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

MISS HATTIE, WE NEED TO GET YOU TO THE HOSPITAL.

AND YOU NEED TO GO TO THE "HAIR‐PITAL."

OKAY, THIS ‐‐ THIS IS NOT GOOD.

THAT IS NOT NICE, MISS HATTIE.

DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?

YES. I DO.

WELL, IF I HAD IT, I WOULD GO.

THAT'S NO REASON TO NOT GET TREATED.

I'M NOT GOING!

COME ON. MISS HATTIE, JUST ‐‐ JUST SIT HERE.

I'M FINE! I'M FINE!

JUST GET OUT OF THE WAY!

OH! WHOA!

OH! WHOA! Floyd: CATCH HER.

OH! OH! STAY WITH IT.

GET ON THE GOOD FOOT.

OH! OH! OH! WHOA!

CAREFUL, SHE'S TOP‐HEAVY.

OH! OH! OH!

HEY, SIT HER DOWN. AAH!

OH! OH! OH!

OH, WHEE!

MY BACK Y'ALL.

OH, THAT'S MY BACK!

MAMA, I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDN'T BE IN THIS DINER THIS LATE.

NOTHING GOES RIGHT AFTER YOU'VE BEEN

WORKING ALL THESE LONG HOURS.

WELL, IT DEPENDS WHAT KIND OF JOB YOU HAVE.

WINK.

GET YOUR HAND OFF MY GRANDMOTHER'S LEG!

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE? YES.

HATTIE, I'M SO SORRY.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE SORRY,

MAKING ME HURT MYSELF, FLOYD.

DID Y'ALL CLEAN UP THE DINER?

YES. YES.

DID YOU DO A GOOD JOB?

YES, MAMA. WE DID.

OKAY. THAT'S GOOD.

NOW WE HAVE TO GO TO WORK,

BUT THE SECOND SHIFT WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

SO WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, ALL RIGHT?

DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?

NO, I'M FINE.

OKAY. BYE. OKAY.

BYE. BYE, HATTIE.

UH, LINDA!

YES, MAMA?

UH, BABE, COULD YOU GET ME ANOTHER PILLOW?

YOU ALREADY HAVE A PILLOW, MAMA.

I WANT ANOTHER ONE.

NO. NO. NOT THERE.

I WANT IT FOR MY FEET.

YEAH.

OKAY, WATCH MY LEGS.

DON'T HURT MY LEGS.

OKAY.

[ CHUCKLES ] OKAY? OKAY.

OKAY. BYE. BYE‐BYE.

UH, LINDA!

UH, BABE, COULD YOU GET ME A BLANKET?

YES.

THANK YOU. THERE YOU GO.

YOU'RE WELCOME. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME! OKAY.

OKAY. BYE. BYE‐BYE.

UH, LINDA!

YES, MAMA?

UH, BABE, DID YOU CLEAN THAT ATTIC FOR ME?

YES, MAMA. I DID.

YEAH, THAT'S MY GIRL.

OH, THAT'S GOOD. YEAH.

YOU KNOW I WOULD'VE HELPED YOU, BUT I FEEL SO BAD.

OKAY. BYE. OKAY.

BYE.

UH, UH, FLOYD!

YES?

OH.

FLOYD, COULD YOU GET ME A DRINK OF WATER?

THERE'S WATER RIGHT THERE, HATTIE.

BUT, FLOYD, I CAN'T REACH THAT GLASS.

COULD YOU ‐‐

COULD YOU GET IT FOR ME?

YOU COULD STAND TO DO SOME CRUNCHES.

OH, OH, FLOYD, UH...

I‐I WOULD HOLD IT, BUT I'M SO WEAK.

I JUST FEEL SO BAD.

WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT?

JUST PUT IT RIGHT THERE FOR ME, FLOYD.

YEAH.

THANK YOU, FLOYD.

YOU'RE SO WELCOME.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

BYE‐BYE. BYE‐BYE.

BYE‐BYE.

UH, LINDA!

UH, FLOYD!

YES?! YES?!

OHH, Y'ALL HOLLERED SO LOUD.

THAT JUST MADE ME FEEL SO BAD.

UH, UH, FLOYD, LINDA, COULD YOU TURN THE HEAT UP?

IT'S A LITTLE SHILLY IN HERE.

MAMA, DON'T CUSS AT US!

I SAID A LITTLE SHILLY.

CHILLY.

OKAY, BUT AFTER THAT, WE HAVE TO GO.

OKAY, I'LL BE FINE. GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, BYE. BYE‐BYE.

OH.

HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HEY, WE'RE...HERE.

YEAH. YEAH. AND WE'RE....

TRYING TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

Y'ALL ARE IN HELL NOW, OKAY?

THAT WOMAN IN THERE IS THE DEVIL.

REALLY? WHOA. WHOA. STOP IT.

GRANDMA IS SWEET.

UH, SWEETS GIVE YOU CAVITIES.

UH, FLOYD, LINDA!

SHE'S CALLING YOU GUYS.

I KNOW YOU BASTARDS HEAR ME IN THERE!

Good luck, son.

WE GOT TO GO, ALL RIGHT?

MOVE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

HOW HARD CAN THIS BE?

Hattie: UH, HELP!

UH, FLOYD, LINDA!

THEY'RE GONE, GRANDMA!

BABE, COME IN HERE AND TALK WITH ME.

MAKING ME HOLLER IS JUST MAKING ME FEEL SO BAD.

HEY, GRANDMA.

HEY.

HOW ‐‐ HOW ARE YOU?

I FEEL FAIR TO MIDDLING.

[ As Hattie ] WELL, YOU LOOKING GOOD, GIRL.

OH, HO.

NOW, SAM, QUIT TRYING TO COME ON TO ME.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T HELP IT.

MM! OH, KEEP ON GOING.

YOU KNOW I GETS WELL REAL QUICK.

[ CHUCKLES ] I KNOW.

[ Normal voice ] SO I'M JUST KIDDING.

CAN WE GET YOU ANYTHING?

OH, NO, BABY. I'M JUST FINE.

I THINK I GOT EVERYTHING I NEED RIGHT HERE.

I WAS ABOUT TO TAKE A NAP.

OKAY. WELL, YOU GO ON AND DO THAT.

AND IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, WE'RE RIGHT IN THE KITCHEN.

OKAY, BABE.

OH, YOU'RE ALL SO KIND TO ME.

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE SOME GOOD BOYS.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ] WE TRY TO BE.

I LOVE YOU.

OH, I LOVE YOU, TOO, GRANDMA!

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH. MY GRANDMA IS SO SWEET.

YEAH.

IN AN OLD MOTHER HUBBARD KIND OF WAY.

UH, DANNY!

WHY DOES SHE KEEP CALLING ME?

SAM!

YES, GRANDMA?

UH, BABE, COULD YOU GET ME THAT HEATING PAD?

OH, THE ONE YOU LET ME USE?

YEAH, BABY. WHERE IS IT?

I COULDN'T BRING IT.

WELL, WHY NOT?

IT SURE WOULD MAKE MY BACK FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SAM USED IT.

WELL, WHAT YOU DO THAT FOR?

LET'S JUST SAY A LITTLE HEAT

CAN MAKE THE NIGHT LAST A LITTLE LONGER.

WELL, LET'S JUST SAY A LITTLE DISINFECTANT

WILL MAKE MY HEATING PAD

COME RIGHT BACK WHERE IT BELONGS.

GRANDMA, PLEASE.

THAT'S THE SAME THING HE GOIN' SAY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

JUST REST.

OKAY, Y'ALL GO AHEAD.

I'M GONNA REST.

UH, SAM!

YE‐E‐S?

COULD YOU RUB MY BACK FOR ME?

IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

AS LONG AS YOUR BACK'S NOT YOUR FRONT.

IF THIS WAS A "CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE" BOOK...

I'M GONNA CHOOSE TO GO BACK TO PAGE 27

AND BE WITH A GIRL NAMED BAMBI.

UH, SAM!

DANNY!

HEY, GRANDMA. HEY.

BABE, COULD YOU PASS ME THAT REMOTE CONTROL?

IT'S RIGHT THERE.

WELL, GIVE IT TO ME.

I'D LIKE TO GIVE IT TO YOU.

WELL, COME ON.

[ CHUCKLES ] I'M JUST KIDDING.

I'M NOT. OH.

WELL, YOU ‐‐ YOU SAID YOU THREW YOUR BACK OUT.

YEAH, BUT YOU CAN HELP ME THROW IT BACK IN.

[ GROANS ] OH!

SAM, STOP IT!

HEY.

H‐HERE YOU GO, GRANDMA.

THANK YOU. YEAH.

YOU STAY OFF THOSE PAY CHANNELS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

Y'ALL GO AHEAD, AND I'M GONNA GET SOME REST.

OKAY. OKAY.

[ SIGHS ]

I HATE TO SEE HER LIKE THIS 'CAUSE SHE KEEPS CALLING ME!

[ As Hattie ] YEAH.

[ SIGHS ] I HOPE SHE'LL BE OKAY.

NO.

[ Whining ] BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE USUALLY DIE WHEN THEY FALL.

[ CHUCKLES ]

DON'T SAY THAT.

[ Normal voice ] IT'S THE TRUTH.

DON'T SAY THAT. I LOVE MY GRANDMOTHER.

Hattie: UH, DANNY!

WHY DOES SHE KEEP CALLING US?!

WHOA.

IF THE FALL DIDN'T KILL HER,

CALLING YOU EVERY FIVE MINUTES WILL.

UH, DANNY!

WHAT IS IT, GRANDMA? [ SIGHS ]

UH, BABY, YOU DON'T NEED TO

WEAR THEM TIGHT‐ASS PANTS NO MORE.

THEY LOOK LIKE THEY TAKING YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE.

THAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL SO BAD.

YES, MA'AM.

YOU THINK WE SHOULD GO HOME? NO!

HI. HI.

OH, SH‐‐

SAM. DANNY. HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

WE THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER?

NO, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BACK BY 6:00.

WELL...WE WERE BUSY.

RIGHT?

THERE IS NOBODY HERE.

WAIT A SECOND.

WHAT KIND OF GAME YOU PLAYING?

[ Chuckling ] WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, SAM?

[ LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY ]

YOU LEFT US THERE ON PURPOSE!

[ Sarcastically ] NO, SAM, MY MOM WOULDN'T DO THAT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY.

YOUR GRANDMA IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

AND YOU JUST LEFT US THERE WITH HER?

THAT IS SO WRONG!

NO. BUT WHAT'S WRONG IS THAT YOU SHOULD BE THERE WITH HER NOW!

HEY, WE HAD TO!

IT WAS EITHER THAT...

or kill her.

LOOK, ALL OF THIS IS WRONG.

WE ALL NEED TO GO BACK AND HELP GRANDMA.

RIGHT.

FINE.

COME ON!

WE'RE COMING. WE'RE COMING.

REALLY, MAMA?

Y'ALL ARE JUST HORRIBLE.

SAM! DANNY!

FLOYD! LINDA!

I GOT TO USE THE BATHROOM!

MAKING ME HOLD IT MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD!

CAN Y'ALL HEAR ME?

AIN'T NOBODY HERE. I'LL DO IT BY MYSELF.

WHERE IS SHE?

I DON'T KNOW!

WE LEFT HER HERE ON THE SOFA.

OH, NO, DO YOU THINK SOMETHING HAPPENED

AND SHE CALLED THE AMBULANCE?

PLEASE.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER WOULD DRIVE HERSELF TO THE HOSPITAL

BEFORE SHE CALLED AN AMBERLANCE.

I'M WORRIED.

HEY, COME ON. MAYBE SHE'S UPSTAIRS.

SHE COULDN'T GET UP THERE BY HERSELF. SHE'S HURT.

OR IS SHE?

ARE YOU THINKING THE SAME THING I'M THINKING?

MARIANNA?

NO.

SHE WOULDN'T.

YES, SHE WOULD.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SHE'S FAKING!

NO!

Both: YES!

LISTEN...

I KNOW FAKING WHEN I HEAR IT.

OKAY.

SAM, STOP IT.

I'M SORRY.

WELL, LOOK, I GAVE HER PLENTY OF WATER.

MAYBE SHE'S JUST UPSTAIRS USING THE BATHROOM.

OH, IF MY MAMA IS FAKING IT...

[ TOILET FLUSHING ]

YOU HEAR THAT? OH! HIDE! HIDE!

SHH!

[ HUMMING ]

♪♪ OKAY ♪♪

♪♪ I'VE GOT MY ATTIC CLEANED ♪♪

♪♪ YES, I DO ♪♪

♪♪ I GOT ‐‐ ♪♪ All: BUSTED!

UH‐HUH!

PRAISE GOD! IT'S A MIRACLE!

MAMA, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!

YOU'VE BEEN FAKING AND HAVING US RUNNING AROUND HERE LIKE CRAZY,

BACK FROM THE DINER, THEN TO COME OVER TO THE HOUSE,

GOING BACK AND FORTH, RUNNING AROUND CRAZY!

WHY, MAMA?!

ALL YOUR TALKING MADE ME FEEL SO BAD.

WELL, HURRY UP! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!

WHAT WE DO?

[ SIGHS ]

OH! SHE MAKES ME SO MAD.

YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS ONE DAY, MOM!

OH, DAMN!

OOH! OH!

Hattie: OHH! MY BACK!

OHH.

GRANDMA, YOU'RE FAKING IT!

[ CHUCKLES ]

DANNY, Y'ALL COME HELP ME GET UP.

I CAN'T MOVE FOR REAL THIS TIME.

YOU ALREADY TRIED THAT LIE, MAMA.

[ Jamaican accent ] HATTIE, YOU ARE JA‐FAKING.

I'M NOT PLAYING. I'M TELLING Y'ALL THE TRUTH.

HELP ME GET UP!

HEY, LET'S GO SEE A MOVIE!

YEAH, UH, WITH MY FAVORITE ACTOR,

UH, KEVIN FAKIN'!

[ LAUGHTER ]

NICE ONE, SAM.

Y'ALL, DON'T LEAVE ME DOWN HERE BY MYSELF.

DANNY!

BYE, MAMA.

DANNY! FLOYD! Y'ALL COME HELP ME GET UP.

HATTIE, YOU TRIPPIN'.

I NEED SOME HELP.