Original subtitles

HEY, FLOYD. HEALTH INSPECTOR!

HATTIE. WHAT?

THE MAN IS HERE. WHO?

THE MAN.

FORGET THAT. COME ON.

[ CLATTERING ]

WH‐WH‐WH‐WHAT ‐‐

WH‐WH‐WH‐WHOA! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

THE MAN! THE MAN! CODE FIVE!

CODE FIVE! UNCHAIN THE DOGS!

CALM DOWN, JOE CLARK.

IT'S JUST MARTY.

HE'S OFF DUTY. HE CAME TO SEE ME.

YEP.

AND I SEE THAT MEAT IS OUT, FLOYD.

WHAT MEAT? AIN'T NO MEAT BACK HERE.

THAT MEAT.

OH, THAT'S JUST HATTIE. OLD MEAT.

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU BY?

SO, HERE'S THE DEAL.

MY OFFICE HAS A PARTY EVERY YEAR.

IT'S KIND OF SILLY, BUT IT'S FUN.

AND I WAS INVITING YOU TO COME WITH ME.

REALLY?

REALLY.

OH. COOL.

WHAT KIND OF PARTY?

IT'S AN OFFICE PARTY,

AND THE THEME THIS YEAR IS THE ROARING '20s.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

THAT'S ACTUALLY THE '70s.

COSTUMES?

YEP. YOU KNOW IT.

I LOVE COSTUMES. [ GIGGLES ]

ME TOO.

Both: THEM SOME DAMN FREAKS.

SO, YOU'LL GO?

I'D LOVE TO.

COOL!

SO, LOOK, I'LL PICK YOU UP SATURDAY AT 8:00.

OKAY, GREAT.

ARE YOU HUNGRY?

OH, NO. HE CAN'T EAT HERE.

NOPE.

I ACTUALLY AGREE WITH THEM.

I INSPECTED THIS PLACE, AND MNH.

OKAY, WELL, HERE IS OUR ADDRESS AND MY CELL NUMBER.

I'LL SEE YOU ON SATURDAY.

YES, YOU WILL.

GIRL, WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU?

YOU INVITE THAT MAN BY HERE ONE MORE 'GAIN,

YOU GONNA COME UP MISSIN'.

AND YOU GAVE HIM MY HOME ADDRESS?

I OUGHTA PUNCH YOU UPSIDE YOUR HEAD.

THAT TAKE YOU ALL DAY, TO BUST THAT HEAD.

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

I'M GOING TO BED.

YEAH, YOU GO AHEAD, AND YOU GO TO BED.

BUT YOU MAKE SURE

WHEN YOU COME BACK FROM THAT PARTY SATURDAY NIGHT,

YOU COME HOME ALONE AND GO TO BED BY YOURSELF,

'CAUSE WHEN YOU GO TO BED BY YOURSELF,

THAT LEADS TO YOU WAKIN' UP NINE MONTHS LATER BY YOURSELF.

MAMA, I'M CELIBATE TILL I GET MARRIED.

YOU WAIT A DOGGONE MINUTE! YOU COME DOWN HERE,

AND LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!

WHAT, MAMA?

HAVE THINGS GOT THAT BAD?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[ Voice breaking ] I'M SHOCKED.

WHY?

'CAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY

YOU'D DO SUCH A THING LIKE THAT.

I DID ALL THOSE THINGS FOR YOU

SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO COME BEHIND ME

AND DO THOSE VERY SAME THINGS I DID.

DO WHAT?

HOOKIN'!

WHAT? PROSTITUTION.

HUH?

YOU'S A HO, LINDA. YOU JUST A HO.

MAMA, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKIN' ABOUT YOU JUST SAID TO ME

THAT YOU WAS GONNA SELL EVERY LITTLE BIT...

TILL YOU GET MARRIED.

CELIBATE, MAMA.

I KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I SAID ‐‐ SELL A LI'L BIT.

CELIBACY MEANS I'M NOT HAVING SEX UNTIL I GET MARRIED.

OH!

THAT AIN'T WHAT THAT MEAN.

YES, IT IS.

NO, IT AIN'T.

OKAY, MAMA. WHAT DOES IT MEAN THEN?

WHAT IT MEANS IS IF YOU HOLD OUT,

HE GONNA BE OUT.

MAMA, I'M A CHRISTIAN. I'M NOT DOING THAT.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.

DOES HE KNOW THAT?

WE HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT IT YET.

OH, WELL, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M WORRIED ABOUT IT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

BABY, IF YOU HOLD OUT, HE GONNA BE OUT.

NO, HE'S NOT.

UH, YES, HE IS, TOO.

AND THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE,

AND THAT'S MENS.

M‐E‐N‐ESSES.

MAMA, IT'S LOTS OF M‐E‐N‐ESSES THAT WILL WAIT

IF THEY'RE IN LOVE.

SO, WHAT YOU SAYIN'? YOU IN LOVE?

NO, NOT YET, BUT WE LIKE EACH OTHER.

AND IT MAY GROW TO THAT.

MM‐HMM. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. COME ON OVER HERE.

SIT DOWN. LET ME SCHOOL YOU, BABY.

UH, BABY, I GOT TWO THINGS I WANT TO SAY TO YOU.

NUMBER ONE ‐‐ TAKE YOUR TIME 'CAUSE HE THE REBOUND MAN.

WHAT'S THAT?

THE ONE THAT COMES AFTER THE BREAKUP.

THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER ONE MAN IS TO GET UP UNDER A NEW MAN.

BUT TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THAT.

NUMBER THREE ‐‐

YOU SKIPPED TWO.

JUST MAKIN' SURE YOU WAS PAYING ATTENTION.

NUMBER TWO IS BIRTH CONTROL.

NUMBER THREE ‐‐

IF YOU HOLD OUT, HE'S GONNA BE OUT.

WELL, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

YEAH, I GUESS WE WILL SEE ABOUT THAT.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

WHO DAT?!

Danny: IT'S ME, GRANDMA.

HEY, BABY. HEY, MAMA.

HEY, SUGAR!

HEY, GRANDMA. IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

MWAH. LORD, THANK YOU.

OH, THANK YOU FOR GETTIN' MY 'SCRIPTIONS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT MADE ME FORGET TO GET MY 'SCRIPTION FILLED.

THESE RIGHT HERE MAKE ME FEEL PRETTY GOOD RIGHT HERE.

DON'T MENTION IT.

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE IN BED BY NOW.

WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?

[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY ]

MAMA, YOU KNOW YOU GO TO BED EARLY.

YEAH, BUT I HAVE A DATE SATURDAY NIGHT,

SO I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET MY OUTFIT TOGETHER.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHOA. A DATE?

[ Chuckling ] A DATE WITH WHO?

MARTY.

[ As Linda ] WHO'S MARTY?

YOU AIN'T TELL ME ABOUT NO DATE!

DON'T YOU BE THINKIN' YOU GOING OUT OF THIS H‐‐

YOU GOT TO RUN IT BY ME FIRST.

I PRAY ‐‐ I PR‐‐ SUGAR, SUGAR, SLOW YOUR ROLL, PRECIOUS.

SLOW YOUR ROLL.

YOU THE CHILD.

YEAH. YOU'RE THE SON, AND I'M GROWN.

GOOD NIGHT.

GRANDMA, MY MAMA IS DATIN'?

MM‐HMM. WHO?

DO I LOOK LIKE I BE TELLIN' PEOPLE'S BUSINESS?

YES.

SIT DOWN.

HIS NAME MARTY. HE THE HEALTH INSPECTOR.

BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT 'CAUSE SHE SAID

SHE GONNA SELL EVERY LITTLE BIT TILL SHE GET MARRIED.

WHAT?

YEAH.

GOOD NIGHT.

BUT GRANDMA, WHAT ‐‐

MY MAMA'S A PROSTITUTE?

[ GASPS ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NOTHING.

DANNY, ARE YOU LOOKING UP ESCORTS ONLINE?

NEPHEW, IS IT GETTIN' THAT BAD?

I KNEW IT.

I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS KEEPING YOU SMILING.

NO, I WASN'T.

THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE TO ME.

IT'S OKAY. I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

I'VE BEEN TO THAT SITE.

IT'S INTERACTIVE.

DANNY, LET ME HOOK YOU UP.

NOW, DON'T DO THAT ‐‐ SPENDING MONEY.

I'M RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

AND I'M $FREE.99.

I WASN'T LOOKING FOR SERVICES...

OR ANYTHING $.99.

[ As Drew ] MAYBE 69.

LOOK, JUST LISTEN.

I HAVE A PROBLEM.

HEY.

WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

NO, I HAVEN'T.

THERE IS HELP FOR THIS KIND OF THING.

THEN YOU NEED TO FIND IT.

I DID.

OH, SO YOU FOUND A THERAPIST?

YES.

AND THEN I SLEPT WITH HER.

YOU ARE SUCH A SCUM BAG.

LOOK, I WASN'T LOOKING FOR AN ESCORT.

I WAS LOOKING... FOR MY MOTHER.

OH, THIS IS REALLY SICK!

[ LAUGHS ]

DANNY, I MEAN, REALLY WHAT'S GOING ON?

I WAS LOOKING ONLINE TO SEE IF MY MOTHER WAS AN ESCORT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU GUYS HAVE TO KEEP THIS REALLY QUIET.

I THINK...

MY MOTHER HAS...

[ Voice breaking ] RESORTED TO PROSTITUTION.

[ SOBBING ]

WHAT?!

DANNY. NO WAY.

I DON'T KNOW EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I GOT ABOUT 30 JOKES,

BUT I'M GONNA KEEP THEM TO MYSELF.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ CHUCKLES ] NO, TELL ME.

OH! [ LAUGHS ]

NO!

OH, RIGHT. 'CAUSE THAT'S REAL MATURE.

REAL ADULT‐LIKE, GUYS.

TELL ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

THIS IS GOOD.

[ LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

JUST FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

AND UNCLE FLOYD, THAT'S YOUR NIECE.

HEY, I KNOW SHE WOULDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

THAT'S WHY I CAN LAUGH.

GRANDMA TOLD ME SHE WAS.

SHE DID? YES.

I HEARD IT RIGHT OUT OF HER OWN MOUTH.

CONSIDER THE MOUTH.

BOY, YOUR MAMA GOES TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY.

PROBABLY TRYING TO REPENT FOR HER MANY SINS.

AND HER MANY MENS.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

OH.

IS THAT YOU OR ME?

NO, THAT'S DEFINITELY YOU.

YEAH. MINE HAVE NO TAILS.

THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

YES, IT IS.

BOY, YOUR MAMA WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

THIS IS SO SILLY.

IS THAT...TANYA?

[ Eastern European accent ] YOU KNOW TANYA?

[ Eastern‐European accent ] FROM THE UKRAINE.

[ Normal voice ] SHE REALLY KNOWS HOW TO MAKE IT...

[Eastern‐European accent] UKE‐RAIN.

OH!

KNOCK IT OFF, TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEDUM.

DANNY, START FROM THE BEGINNING.

WHAT DID YOUR GRANDMOTHER SAY?

OBVIOUSLY THIS IS SOME KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDING.

[ Normal voice ] RIGHT, 'CAUSE IF IT WERE TRUE...

[Eastern‐European accent] I WOULD HAVE SEEN HER.

NOT BEFORE ME.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

FINE, LAUGH IT UP.

AAH‐HO!

SORRY ABOUT YOUR FINGER.

[ Normal voice ] THAT WASN'T MY FINGER.

[ Normal voice ] I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A DEFECT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL HANDLE THIS MYSELF.

IT'S NOT A DEFECT. IT'S A FRONT‐EBRAE.

WHERE IS MY MOTHER?

UPSTAIRS.

[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY ] WHAT IS SHE DOING?

SHE GETTIN' DRESSED TO GO OUT.

OH...OUT.

YES. OUT.

WITH WHO?

NOW, DO I LOOK LIKE I BE JUST TELLIN' EVERYBODY BUSINESS?

YES.

IT WAS MARTY THE HEALTH INSPECTOR.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

I'LL GET IT.

MOVE OUT THE WAY, BOY.

IS THAT HIM?

OH!

YEAH, NOW! [ LAUGHS ]

[ High‐pitched voice ] HOW YOU DOIN', MISS HATTIE?

OH, LOOK AT YOU LOOKIN' LIKE A PIMP!

THAT BRINGS BACK MEMORIES THERE.

YOU LIKE IT?

YEAH.

MISS HATTIE, ARE YOU BLUSHING?

YEAH.

THAT'S A GOOD MEMORY THERE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

LET ME SEE IF SHE READY.

YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD AND DO THAT.

TAKE YOUR TIME. [ LAUGHS ]

LOOK AT THIS STRAPPING YOUNG MAN RIGHT HERE.

HOW YOU DOIN'? [ CLEARS THROAT ]

[ Normal voice ] HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

I'M MARTY.

AAH!

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M A FRIEND OF LINDA'S.

OH. OKAY, OKAY.

HOW YOU KNOW HER?

I MET HER AT THE RESTAURANT.

WHERE YOU TAKING HER?

YOU ASKING A LOT OF QUESTIONS, YOUNG MAN.

WHO ARE YOU?

[ Menacingly ] YOUR NIGHTMARE...

...IF YOU THINK YOU TAKING MY MOTHER OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

[ LAUGHS ]

MAN, YOU MUST BE DANNY.

MAN, SHE TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.

OH.

WELL, DID SHE TELL YOU I'M A KILLER?!

OH, WHOA.

HUH.

HEY, THAT'S CUTE, BUT, UH

[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY] SHE DIDN'T MENTION THAT.

SHE BE DOWN HERE DIRECTLY.

JUST GIVE HER TWO, THREE MORE MINUTE.

UH, DANNY, BABY.

IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU?

I AIN'T SEEN YOU LOOK LIKE THAT SINCE YOU WAS A LITTLE BOY.

YOU CONSTIPATED?

YOU NEED A ENEMA?

GRANDMA, NO.

OH! LOOKY THERE.

[ Teeth clenched ] MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!

YOU LIKE IT?

NO.

BOY, GET YOUR TAIL OUT THE WAY!

OH, LOOK AT YOU,

LOOKIN' LIKE YOU GETTIN' THAT MEN NOW, BABY.

♪♪ YOU GETTIN' THAT MEN NOW, BABY ♪♪

[ Teeth clenched ] GRANDMA, STOP IT!

HEY, MARTY.

HEY, LINDA. LOOK AT YOU.

MM! YOU COULD NOT LOOK ANY BETTER.

[ High‐pitched voice ] WE ABOUT TO GET THAT MONEY TONIGHT, BABY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

READY?

MNH‐MNH! NO, MAN.

MAMA, YOU NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE.

BOY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

MAMA, HERE IS MY CHECK.

YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS.

DANNY, WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?

HE ON THAT STUFF.

BABY, GIVE ME THAT CHECK.

I‐I'LL PUT IT UP FOR HIM

'CAUSE YOU KNOW HE'LL SMOKE IT ALL UP.

DANNY, WHAT IS GOING ON?

MAMA, PLEASE DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITH THIS CLOWN.

DANNY, WATCH YOUR MOUTH.

I'M SORRY, MARTY.

MM! CAUGHT THAT APOLOGY.

MNH‐MNH‐MNH!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO HIM.

DANNY, WHAT IS GOING ON?

ME TOO. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?

MAMA, HE GOT YOU OUT THERE SELLING YOUR BODY.

[ Normal voice ] WHAT?

YOU DON'T GOT TO BE A PROSTITUTE.

A PROSTITUTE?!

LINDA, DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL ME?

BABY, IS HE PAYING YOU FOR SEX?

NO!

WELL, HE SURE THE HELL NEED TO

'CAUSE AIN'T NOTHIN' FREE THESE DAYS.

[ Teeth clenched ] GRANDMA!

WHAT? ANYTHING FREE HAS NO VALUE.

ARE YOU A PROSTITUTE?

YOU SHOULD KNOW, PIMP! YOU PUT HER OUT THERE!

NO!

DANNY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Y‐YOU'RE NOT?

I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

I HAVE TOO MUCH RESPECT FOR MYSELF.

WELL, YOU AIN'T GOT TO SAY IT LIKE THAT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

LIKE IT'S THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD.

IT WOULD BE FOR ME.

WELL, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

AND AS A EX‐HO,

I'M OFFENDED FOR ALL THE HOS IN THE WORLD.

MAMA, STOP IT. TOO MANY JOKES.

YEAH, IF YOU SAY SO.

DANNY, WOULD YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

GRANDMA HATTIE TOLD ME YOU WERE A PROSTITUTE.

WHAT?!

I DID NO SUCH THING!

YES, YOU DID.

YOU TOLD ME SHE WAS SELLING HIM EVERY LITTLE BIT SHE COULD

UNTIL SHE GOT MARRIED.

OH, YEAH. I DID SAY THAT.

MAMA!

AIN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAID?

CELIBATE.

I SAID I'M CELIBATE TILL I GET MARRIED.

YEAH. RIGHT.

SO, YOU'RE CELIBATE?

[ SIGHS ] CELIBACY IS GOOD.

SO, YOU'RE CELIBATE?

[ Menacingly ] YES!

IS THAT A PROBLEM?

NO, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

I THOUGHT WE WOULD GO OUT TONIGHT,

IT'S OUR FIRST DATE,

GO HAVE SOME FUN, GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

I DIDN'T PLAN ON SLEEPING WITH YOU.

YOU ALL LIE.

YOU JUST WANTED TO GET YOU SOME ICE.

MAMA.

OKAY, MARTY. THEN LET'S GO.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

HA‐HA!

LOOK AT YOU ALL SWOLLEN UP NOW.

THEY GONE NOW. YOU WANT THAT ENEMA?