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- Wednesday's mathematics
test is without question
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the defining moment of
your school careers.
3
00:00:38,151 --> 00:00:40,996
- Okay,
so this is interesting.
4
00:00:41,031 --> 00:00:43,841
What we're seeing here is
my last moment of sanity.
5
00:00:43,876 --> 00:00:46,924
- Some of you, girls, nirvana awaits,
6
00:00:47,883 --> 00:00:49,946
the land of milk and honey.
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00:00:49,981 --> 00:00:53,027
I refer, of course, to Miss
Lovett's Opportunity Class
8
00:00:53,062 --> 00:00:55,386
for Gifted High Achievers.
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00:00:55,421 --> 00:00:57,270
Okay, start the clock.
10
00:00:57,305 --> 00:00:58,758
- As for the rest,
11
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:02,031
I'm now referring to the
lower forms of pond life
12
00:01:02,066 --> 00:01:05,873
who I fully expect to
fail Wednesday's test,
13
00:01:05,908 --> 00:01:09,681
Mr. Leonard, why is my
eye drawn so compellingly
14
00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:12,906
in your direction?
15
00:01:12,941 --> 00:01:13,739
- Here it comes,
16
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,513
watch Lockie's mouth pipe
comfy with his brain.
17
00:01:16,548 --> 00:01:18,855
- Where do you sit on this?
18
00:01:18,890 --> 00:01:22,856
- Um, usually sir, I
prefer to sit on a chair.
19
00:01:27,389 --> 00:01:29,581
- Leonard, you must
think me a very foolish
20
00:01:29,616 --> 00:01:31,156
all maths teacher indeed.
21
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:35,064
- Yes, that's right sir,
matter of fact, I do.
22
00:01:40,022 --> 00:01:41,493
See, I'm my own worst enemy.
23
00:01:41,528 --> 00:01:43,562
But old Squash was being really sarcastic,
24
00:01:43,597 --> 00:01:45,562
and Sarge hates sarcasm.
25
00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:49,063
I was defending his ideals.
26
00:01:49,098 --> 00:01:53,222
- There is a crime wave of
the most deplorable kind
27
00:01:53,257 --> 00:01:55,701
on the streets of Angelus.
28
00:01:55,736 --> 00:01:58,110
And I give you fair warning.
29
00:01:58,145 --> 00:02:00,652
I intend to come down like the
proverbial tonne of bricks.
30
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:01,648
- Wow.
31
00:02:01,683 --> 00:02:03,980
- Wow indeed, Lisa.
32
00:02:04,015 --> 00:02:07,581
This festering sore
needs to be stamped on,
33
00:02:07,616 --> 00:02:09,199
and stamped on hard.
34
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:10,908
- Sorry, what does?
35
00:02:10,943 --> 00:02:13,303
- Something you've
suffered personally, Snowy.
36
00:02:13,338 --> 00:02:14,726
- Flatulence!
37
00:02:14,761 --> 00:02:18,678
I'm sorry everybody-
- No, no, it's not what-
38
00:02:19,628 --> 00:02:24,354
I intend to launch a
crackdown on the social evil
39
00:02:24,389 --> 00:02:28,371
known as sarcasm.
40
00:02:28,406 --> 00:02:30,545
The practise of taking the deeds and words
41
00:02:30,580 --> 00:02:35,571
of well-intentioned people, and
holding them up to ridicule.
42
00:02:35,606 --> 00:02:37,678
- Do you think you're
obstructing the footpath
43
00:02:37,713 --> 00:02:39,511
just the teeniest bit?
44
00:02:40,571 --> 00:02:41,858
- I am?
45
00:02:41,893 --> 00:02:44,347
No, hang on, I must be stupid.
46
00:02:44,382 --> 00:02:46,766
Why didn't I think of this before?
47
00:02:46,801 --> 00:02:49,422
I could pick up this
stuff with my bare hands
48
00:02:49,457 --> 00:02:52,043
and move it to a more convenient location.
49
00:02:53,492 --> 00:02:55,189
- That, Snowy.
50
00:02:55,224 --> 00:02:56,851
That is sarcasm.
51
00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:59,711
- Gee, there's a word for that, is there?
52
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:02,847
I thought it was just my life.
53
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,884
- Mum's been calling for
a three-way conference
54
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,736
with old Squasher.
55
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:09,810
We're going to review my evil ways.
56
00:03:09,845 --> 00:03:13,552
Well, it's better than
being sent to the principal.
57
00:03:13,587 --> 00:03:15,554
Mom was being totally supportive.
58
00:03:15,589 --> 00:03:17,221
And kind, and brave.
59
00:03:18,945 --> 00:03:21,822
Which made me feel about
a million times worse.
60
00:03:21,857 --> 00:03:23,820
- It wasn't your choice to
abandon your friends in the city
61
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:26,653
and trek halfway across the state.
62
00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:29,868
- I'm okay.
63
00:03:29,903 --> 00:03:33,619
- Only to be thrust into an
unfamiliar and alien environment
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00:03:33,654 --> 00:03:38,600
arguably the most challenging
moment of your life.
65
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,146
- Mum, it's okay.
66
00:03:40,181 --> 00:03:41,799
- Whilst living in a hovel that's sinking
67
00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:43,799
day by day into a swamp.
68
00:03:50,535 --> 00:03:52,317
I'm sorry, Lockie.
69
00:03:52,352 --> 00:03:53,948
I failed you.
70
00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:55,012
- No you haven't!
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00:03:55,047 --> 00:03:58,083
I'm the one that needs
to make it up to you!
72
00:03:58,118 --> 00:03:59,542
- Hello, welcome to Angelus High.
73
00:03:59,577 --> 00:04:02,479
My name's Vicki Streeton,
I'm the hospitality monitor.
74
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:08,993
Could I get you a cup of tea, perhaps?
75
00:04:09,028 --> 00:04:10,749
- Thank you, Vicki.
76
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:13,868
What I wouldn't give
for a nice cup of tea.
77
00:04:13,903 --> 00:04:15,328
- A nice cup of tea.
78
00:04:15,363 --> 00:04:18,456
Mum's feeling down on herself
and needs a nice cup of tea.
79
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:19,571
- My pleasure.
80
00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:20,634
And let me just say,
81
00:04:20,669 --> 00:04:23,897
that is an exquisite
pashmina you're wearing.
82
00:04:23,932 --> 00:04:25,270
- This old thing?
83
00:04:25,305 --> 00:04:27,958
It doesn't get many
compliments at home!
84
00:04:27,993 --> 00:04:28,791
And then say nice things
85
00:04:28,826 --> 00:04:30,019
about the clothes.
86
00:04:30,054 --> 00:04:31,178
It's so simple!
87
00:04:31,213 --> 00:04:33,274
Why couldn't I think of that?
88
00:04:33,309 --> 00:04:35,464
- What would boys know anyway?
89
00:04:35,499 --> 00:04:38,514
- Exactly!
90
00:04:38,549 --> 00:04:41,623
Mr. Squasher, I want to say
that I take full responsibility
91
00:04:41,658 --> 00:04:44,660
for the problems Lockie's
going through at the moment.
92
00:04:44,695 --> 00:04:47,272
You see, my little one had croot the day
93
00:04:47,307 --> 00:04:49,456
that our parent-effective
descript tackled puberty,
94
00:04:49,491 --> 00:04:51,292
which meant that I leapt
straight from peer group pressure
95
00:04:51,327 --> 00:04:52,320
to pimples.
96
00:04:52,355 --> 00:04:54,711
I mean, one of the other
girls, Jenny Endecott,
97
00:04:54,746 --> 00:04:56,123
lent me her crib notes,
98
00:04:56,158 --> 00:04:58,246
but I still missed boys and their body.
99
00:04:58,281 --> 00:04:59,361
So I rushed out and got this
100
00:04:59,396 --> 00:05:04,104
little green book.
101
00:05:06,508 --> 00:05:07,843
Boys will be boys,
102
00:05:07,878 --> 00:05:12,351
as we can see very clearly
from these diagrams.
103
00:05:12,386 --> 00:05:14,069
You mustn't blame yourself, Mrs. Leonard.
104
00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:16,662
Statistics show that
girls are more proficient
105
00:05:16,697 --> 00:05:18,245
in maths than boys.
106
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,675
Not to mention superior reading ability,
107
00:05:20,710 --> 00:05:23,772
motor skills, emotional maturity,
108
00:05:23,807 --> 00:05:26,799
and attention to personal lodging.
109
00:05:26,834 --> 00:05:28,884
Makes you wonder why
we bother having boys.
110
00:05:30,018 --> 00:05:31,981
What's this thing about
girls all of a sudden?
111
00:05:32,016 --> 00:05:34,290
Girls can do no wrong, and boys are like,
112
00:05:34,325 --> 00:05:35,605
a total waste of space?
113
00:05:36,886 --> 00:05:39,372
That isn't what I said, obviously.
114
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,859
Goodness me, isn't that fascinating?
115
00:05:43,179 --> 00:05:46,220
- I'm glad we've had this
little chat, Mrs. Leonard.
116
00:05:46,255 --> 00:05:49,226
If Lockie does his best
in Wednesday's maths test,
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00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:53,405
I think I can be persuaded
to call off the attack dogs.
118
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,550
- Mr. Squasher, Lockie has
never given me anything less
119
00:05:57,585 --> 00:05:59,217
than his best, ever.
120
00:06:04,046 --> 00:06:05,753
- Mum.
121
00:06:05,788 --> 00:06:09,048
Would you like a nice cup of tea?
122
00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:11,305
- What's the matter, don't you feel well?
123
00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:13,492
- Better make me some sandwiches, Mum.
124
00:06:13,527 --> 00:06:17,903
Might have to pull an
all-nighter on the moon over six.
125
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,623
- Mum, instead of Phil and me,
126
00:06:26,658 --> 00:06:29,570
do you ever wish you had two more girls?
127
00:06:31,897 --> 00:06:34,084
- No, no of course not.
128
00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:37,290
I have exactly the children
I have always wanted.
129
00:06:39,796 --> 00:06:41,517
- Goodness me!
130
00:06:41,552 --> 00:06:42,874
- You might have someone to talk to
131
00:06:42,909 --> 00:06:45,531
about pashminas and things.
132
00:06:45,566 --> 00:06:46,935
- Parents don't spend their whole lives
133
00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:49,227
obsessing about what they want,
134
00:06:49,262 --> 00:06:51,450
they live for their children.
135
00:06:51,485 --> 00:06:54,014
And all their children's
little achievements
136
00:06:54,049 --> 00:06:57,041
like you doing well on your maths test.
137
00:06:57,076 --> 00:06:58,691
- Attention stations Joy.
138
00:06:58,726 --> 00:06:59,973
When're you getting to
get to this laundry?
139
00:07:00,008 --> 00:07:02,710
This war on sarcasm is
taking a toll on my shirts.
140
00:07:04,243 --> 00:07:05,645
What on Earth you doing, boy?
141
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,131
You're not going to get
that out with water alone.
142
00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:09,205
Here, here, here, use a cloth!
143
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,245
In there, scrub, scrub, scrub.
144
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:12,410
Scrub!
145
00:07:12,445 --> 00:07:13,540
Scrub!
146
00:07:14,621 --> 00:07:17,376
- But Sarge gets to do
everything he wants to do.
147
00:07:17,411 --> 00:07:19,520
His poetry, his war on sarcasm.
148
00:07:19,555 --> 00:07:21,790
- Well I have those things too.
149
00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:23,991
- No you don't, you have housework.
150
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:27,435
- It's not just housework,
I have silly things.
151
00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:28,268
Like...
152
00:07:29,534 --> 00:07:31,078
Choosing a new wallpaper,
153
00:07:31,113 --> 00:07:34,001
or wishing I had a new sauce spoon.
154
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,890
- Those aren't silly things.
155
00:07:36,925 --> 00:07:38,304
- Yes they are.
156
00:07:38,339 --> 00:07:39,677
Who in their right mind would hanker
157
00:07:39,712 --> 00:07:41,282
after a new sauce spoon?
158
00:07:41,317 --> 00:07:42,893
- You miss out all the time.
159
00:07:42,928 --> 00:07:44,434
Last year for Christmas,
160
00:07:44,469 --> 00:07:47,924
I got you a pair of plastic
gloves and a toilet brush.
161
00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:52,091
- The colours were so cheerful!
162
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:57,041
I love you boys.
163
00:07:58,463 --> 00:08:02,349
And I wouldn't have my life any other way.
164
00:08:02,384 --> 00:08:04,153
If you do well on your maths test,
165
00:08:04,188 --> 00:08:07,485
you will make me the
happiest mum in the world.
166
00:08:15,338 --> 00:08:16,956
- Nice one, Blob!
167
00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:22,660
- Do you have any sandwiches, Mum?
168
00:08:23,617 --> 00:08:24,706
- "I love you boys,
169
00:08:24,741 --> 00:08:26,989
"and I wouldn't have
my life any other way".
170
00:08:27,024 --> 00:08:28,161
That's what Mum would say,
171
00:08:28,196 --> 00:08:31,354
but I'd seen something she was missing.
172
00:08:31,389 --> 00:08:32,969
- There's nothing I like more than
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00:08:33,004 --> 00:08:34,514
sitting down with a nice cup of tea
174
00:08:34,549 --> 00:08:38,227
and having a good ol' chin
wag about pashminas and bras!
175
00:08:38,262 --> 00:08:39,437
- I know, it's heaven.
176
00:08:39,472 --> 00:08:41,636
Some bras fasten at the front, you know?
177
00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:42,474
- I know!
178
00:08:42,509 --> 00:08:44,626
And then there's others,
they fasten at the back!
179
00:08:45,797 --> 00:08:46,595
- I mean,
180
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:48,147
imagine if Blob had been my big sister,
181
00:08:48,182 --> 00:08:49,788
instead of my baby sister.
182
00:08:49,823 --> 00:08:51,359
- Lockie get out of here!
183
00:08:51,394 --> 00:08:53,057
I'm taking over the bathroom
for the next seven hours
184
00:08:53,092 --> 00:08:54,861
for a fashion makeover.
185
00:08:54,896 --> 00:08:57,849
I need to try on all
my pashminas and bras!
186
00:08:58,713 --> 00:09:02,001
- Hey, Blob, what's that you're eating?
187
00:09:02,036 --> 00:09:03,202
- Lino!
188
00:09:03,237 --> 00:09:04,836
It's so yum!
189
00:09:04,871 --> 00:09:07,708
- Would you say you live
in the girly household
190
00:09:07,743 --> 00:09:10,546
or a matuary, all
male-type of a household?
191
00:09:10,581 --> 00:09:12,304
- Definitely a guy's.
192
00:09:12,339 --> 00:09:15,952
Farts and boiler suits,
and that's just Mum.
193
00:09:15,987 --> 00:09:17,407
And your question is?
194
00:09:17,442 --> 00:09:18,793
- Have you ever thought
195
00:09:18,828 --> 00:09:20,568
that it might've been nicer for your Mum
196
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,983
if you had been born a girl?
197
00:09:23,018 --> 00:09:24,620
- My Lockie, no!
198
00:09:24,655 --> 00:09:26,719
I've never thought of that, ever!
199
00:09:26,754 --> 00:09:28,716
And I'm not sure I like
what you're implying!
200
00:09:28,751 --> 00:09:32,113
- Hey, wait up, you don't
have to get nacky about it!
201
00:09:32,148 --> 00:09:33,969
- Excuse me, and your question is
202
00:09:34,004 --> 00:09:36,109
do you think that I wish I was a chick?
203
00:09:36,144 --> 00:09:38,180
No baby, no, not this little rock star!
204
00:09:38,215 --> 00:09:40,086
- I'm just, like, asking
if your Mum, like,
205
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,958
gets frustrated at having
to live with, like,
206
00:09:41,993 --> 00:09:43,474
guys all the time!
207
00:09:43,509 --> 00:09:45,873
- Would Mum be happy if
she wore the pants at home?
208
00:09:45,908 --> 00:09:48,202
Not a problem, girlfriend,
Mum already wears the pants!
209
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:50,782
- But, like, if there was one
single thing that you could do
210
00:09:50,817 --> 00:09:53,782
that would, like, make Mum
feel, like, so much better,
211
00:09:53,817 --> 00:09:55,788
like, what would that be?
212
00:09:59,169 --> 00:10:01,918
- If I got a good mark in the test.
213
00:10:01,953 --> 00:10:04,632
- Why, Mr. Eggleston and Mr. Leonard,
214
00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:08,290
all fired up for tomorrow's
total humiliation?
215
00:10:08,325 --> 00:10:10,528
Sorry, maths test.
216
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:14,893
- You realise there have been
a number of serious complaints
217
00:10:14,928 --> 00:10:18,143
regarding your reckless use of sarcasm?
218
00:10:19,259 --> 00:10:23,383
- Sure.
219
00:10:23,418 --> 00:10:24,716
I'm so sorry...
220
00:10:26,011 --> 00:10:26,844
Not.
221
00:10:30,042 --> 00:10:32,375
- Take him back to his cell.
222
00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:36,957
- I pulled some women's
magazines out of the library,
223
00:10:36,992 --> 00:10:39,893
that were full of handy hints
about pashminas and bras.
224
00:10:39,928 --> 00:10:42,795
So if we can photocopy a
whole side of these articles,
225
00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:46,083
I can engage with Mum one on one.
226
00:10:46,118 --> 00:10:47,301
- Boy.
227
00:10:47,336 --> 00:10:48,485
- What?
228
00:10:49,612 --> 00:10:50,502
- Boy.
229
00:10:50,537 --> 00:10:51,392
- What?
230
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,634
- Dr. Squasher's maths
test, with all the answers!
231
00:10:56,669 --> 00:10:57,815
- Show me!
232
00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:58,961
No, no, wait.
233
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:01,751
No, we can't look at it.
234
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:02,794
That's cheating.
235
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,290
- I know we can't, that's cheating.
236
00:11:06,414 --> 00:11:07,287
- What're you doing?
237
00:11:07,322 --> 00:11:08,125
- Making a copy.
238
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,916
- You can't do that, that's cheating!
239
00:11:09,951 --> 00:11:11,244
- I know it is!
240
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:13,245
- What're you doing?
241
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:14,125
- Another copy for you.
242
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,334
- I don't want a copy, that's cheating!
243
00:11:16,369 --> 00:11:17,292
- This is like a gift from god,
244
00:11:17,327 --> 00:11:21,416
which is like my dad's boss, which means,
245
00:11:21,451 --> 00:11:24,200
sometime in my life, I
must've done something
246
00:11:24,235 --> 00:11:26,950
very, very good, and I
didn't even know I did it!
247
00:11:26,985 --> 00:11:29,777
- No, Egg, Egg, you don't understand.
248
00:11:29,812 --> 00:11:32,569
We can't cheat in Squasher's maths test,
249
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,376
that's like crossing a line!
250
00:11:35,411 --> 00:11:38,200
- Lockie, Lockie, Lockie, Lockie,
251
00:11:38,235 --> 00:11:42,152
let's talk about that
line for just one moment.
252
00:11:43,427 --> 00:11:46,557
This side of the line,
good things, nirvana,
253
00:11:46,592 --> 00:11:48,723
the land of milk and honey.
254
00:11:48,758 --> 00:11:52,965
Ms. Lovett's Opportunity Class
for Gifted High Achievers.
255
00:11:55,306 --> 00:11:58,306
This side of the line, old Squasher.
256
00:11:59,374 --> 00:12:02,021
This side of the line, good!
257
00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:04,668
This side of the line,
258
00:12:04,703 --> 00:12:06,221
very bad!
259
00:12:06,256 --> 00:12:08,086
Good!
260
00:12:08,121 --> 00:12:09,916
Bad!
261
00:12:09,951 --> 00:12:11,849
This side of the line,
262
00:12:11,884 --> 00:12:15,634
brainiac girls will
fight to sit next to you.
263
00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:18,429
- Vicki Streeton, I know.
264
00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:28,436
- This side of the line,
mother's weeping with joy.
265
00:12:30,687 --> 00:12:32,693
This side of the line,
266
00:12:32,728 --> 00:12:33,776
brave smiles.
267
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,721
"I know you did your best, son".
268
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,603
- Egg nailed it.
269
00:12:41,638 --> 00:12:43,098
A good result on the test would make Mum
270
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:45,539
feel a heck of a lot
better about everything.
271
00:12:50,201 --> 00:12:54,251
And right now, Mum needed
all the help she could get.
272
00:12:54,286 --> 00:12:56,071
- How's your daughter developing?
273
00:12:56,106 --> 00:12:57,570
Crawling yet?
274
00:12:57,605 --> 00:12:58,999
- Um, no.
275
00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:02,907
- Right, but she's rolling
over, propping herself up,
276
00:13:02,942 --> 00:13:04,490
that kind of thing?
277
00:13:05,656 --> 00:13:09,279
You know, becoming
increasingly active and aware?
278
00:13:09,314 --> 00:13:10,112
- Um, no.
279
00:13:11,944 --> 00:13:14,157
She's a bit of a Blob, really.
280
00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:15,232
- What's her name?
281
00:13:15,267 --> 00:13:16,702
- Blob.
282
00:13:16,737 --> 00:13:20,303
Barbara, her name's
Barbara, we just call her Blob
283
00:13:20,338 --> 00:13:22,962
because she doesn't really do anything.
284
00:13:22,997 --> 00:13:25,124
- Is
Barbara feeding well?
285
00:13:25,159 --> 00:13:27,093
- Yes, yes, can't stop her eating!
286
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,824
What does Barbara like to eat?
287
00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:31,005
- Her favourite?
288
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,660
That would have to be the lino.
289
00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:35,736
She loves eating the lino.
290
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,777
Sometimes wallpaper, sofa.
291
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,675
Well, she enjoys all the
household furnishings, really.
292
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:44,130
- Well, praise the lord and hallelujah,
293
00:13:44,165 --> 00:13:46,551
that's something to be grateful for.
294
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,430
Do I get anything to eat?
295
00:13:51,465 --> 00:13:54,251
Or is that way too much
trouble for everyone?
296
00:13:57,251 --> 00:13:59,334
- Okay,
here's the situation.
297
00:13:59,369 --> 00:14:02,109
I brought the stupid bit of
paper home with me, but so far,
298
00:14:02,144 --> 00:14:06,421
I haven't been able to
bring myself to look at it.
299
00:14:06,456 --> 00:14:07,980
Meanwhile, the rest of the family,
300
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,470
knowing how pathetic I was at math,
301
00:14:09,505 --> 00:14:11,812
are lining up to tell me
that whatever happened
302
00:14:11,847 --> 00:14:13,218
I wouldn't lose their respect.
303
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,518
- You know, don't you Lockie,
304
00:14:15,553 --> 00:14:17,625
my love for you will never depend
305
00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:19,697
on some silly old maths test.
306
00:14:19,732 --> 00:14:21,492
And besides!
307
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,273
What we know about boys and maths?
308
00:14:23,308 --> 00:14:24,984
- Maybe we should get the old Phillip
309
00:14:25,019 --> 00:14:27,399
to give you a bit of last minute coaching?
310
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,988
I know he's three years
younger and in primary school,
311
00:14:30,023 --> 00:14:32,542
but gee whiz, he knows how
to make those figures fly.
312
00:14:32,577 --> 00:14:35,286
- I have better things
to do than waste my time
313
00:14:35,321 --> 00:14:37,996
with a boy who is
incapable of even grasping
314
00:14:38,031 --> 00:14:40,653
the simplest of mathematical concepts.
315
00:14:40,688 --> 00:14:44,543
Don't you have any desire to
make use of your pitiful brain?
316
00:14:46,103 --> 00:14:49,753
- Phillip, you know what happens
to people who use sarcasm.
317
00:14:55,088 --> 00:14:57,356
- To
cheat, or not to cheat?
318
00:14:57,391 --> 00:15:00,419
This is the question being
asked all across Angelus.
319
00:15:00,454 --> 00:15:01,747
- Yes, Geoff?
320
00:15:03,363 --> 00:15:06,995
Just wondering how the sermon was going.
321
00:15:07,030 --> 00:15:08,051
You know?
322
00:15:08,086 --> 00:15:09,073
Sun-Sunday?
323
00:15:10,283 --> 00:15:12,161
- Since you asked,
324
00:15:12,196 --> 00:15:14,945
I think I might go a bit of Old Testament.
325
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:18,068
You know, fire and brimstone.
326
00:15:18,103 --> 00:15:19,896
Be sure if you are
sinning, he'll find you out
327
00:15:19,931 --> 00:15:21,700
kind of thing.
328
00:15:21,735 --> 00:15:25,246
Do the right thing, or you'll
be afflicted with boils
329
00:15:25,281 --> 00:15:27,143
and eternal torment.
330
00:15:27,178 --> 00:15:31,459
And then wrap up with a couple
gags and a song, and get off.
331
00:15:31,494 --> 00:15:34,580
- That should turn a few lives around.
332
00:15:34,615 --> 00:15:35,413
Not.
333
00:15:46,385 --> 00:15:50,426
- Lockie, get out of here!
334
00:15:50,461 --> 00:15:51,509
- Sorry Blob!
335
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,326
- Hey, Lockie.
336
00:15:55,361 --> 00:15:56,942
You know how I'm not real,
337
00:15:56,977 --> 00:15:59,187
but I know everything you think and do?
338
00:15:59,222 --> 00:16:00,025
- Yeah?
339
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,734
- Well, I think that because you're a boy
340
00:16:01,769 --> 00:16:04,974
and boys always do really stupid
things, like all the time,
341
00:16:05,009 --> 00:16:07,815
I think whatever you decide
to do about the test,
342
00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:10,621
it's going to end up really
horribly, and hurt Mum.
343
00:16:10,656 --> 00:16:12,239
- Gee, thanks Blob.
344
00:16:12,274 --> 00:16:15,395
- And keep your hands off my lino!
345
00:16:21,506 --> 00:16:23,345
- Night Lockie!
346
00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:24,573
- Night Mum!
347
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:25,766
Night Sarge!
348
00:16:26,893 --> 00:16:28,893
- Night Albert Einstein!
349
00:16:31,305 --> 00:16:32,884
- Goodnight Mr. Squasher!
350
00:16:32,919 --> 00:16:34,127
Sleep well!
351
00:16:34,162 --> 00:16:35,301
- Thank you!
352
00:16:35,336 --> 00:16:36,687
Goodnight Mrs. Eggelston!
353
00:16:36,722 --> 00:16:38,039
- Goodnight Mr. Squasher!
354
00:16:38,074 --> 00:16:39,499
Goodnight Phillip!
355
00:16:39,534 --> 00:16:41,401
- Goodnight Mrs. Eggelston!
356
00:16:41,436 --> 00:16:42,666
Goodnight all!
357
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:44,568
- Goodnight Phillip!
358
00:16:46,435 --> 00:16:47,866
- Next morning, before school,
359
00:16:47,901 --> 00:16:49,366
I went for a surf.
360
00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:52,779
I've always found that
when it's just you, alone,
361
00:16:52,814 --> 00:16:54,908
with the sky and the ocean,
362
00:16:54,943 --> 00:16:56,459
your problems are all diminished
363
00:16:56,494 --> 00:16:59,559
and the answers become crystal clear.
364
00:17:01,863 --> 00:17:03,780
Well, most of the time.
365
00:17:04,658 --> 00:17:06,367
You're really gonna cheat?
366
00:17:06,402 --> 00:17:07,165
- Do right!
367
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,116
My ticket out of here.
368
00:17:08,151 --> 00:17:11,901
Fork in the road, to
the victors, the spoils.
369
00:17:13,222 --> 00:17:14,311
See look.
370
00:17:14,346 --> 00:17:16,557
There's the line.
- Hey.
371
00:17:16,592 --> 00:17:18,768
I understand about the line.
372
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,265
- I've got the answers stuffed in my shoe.
373
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:25,515
What about you?
374
00:17:28,417 --> 00:17:29,250
- Same.
375
00:17:46,268 --> 00:17:47,775
- This side of the line,
376
00:17:47,810 --> 00:17:51,060
you'll find the land of milk and honey.
377
00:17:52,259 --> 00:17:55,584
This side of the line, old Squasher.
378
00:17:55,619 --> 00:17:56,917
24/7.
379
00:17:58,835 --> 00:18:00,881
- I've always known that one day
380
00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:03,126
Lockie would do something
that would make me
381
00:18:03,161 --> 00:18:05,626
the happiest Mum in the world.
382
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:11,373
- You may begin the mathematics test.
383
00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:28,114
Today's show and tell,
and we'll be locking at
384
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,623
- I did it, I cheated!
385
00:18:44,658 --> 00:18:46,300
We'll both get top marks!
386
00:18:46,335 --> 00:18:47,723
- Really?
387
00:18:47,758 --> 00:18:49,959
That's very good.
388
00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:51,291
Well done.
389
00:18:51,326 --> 00:18:52,553
- What?
390
00:18:52,588 --> 00:18:56,201
- I, um...
391
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,034
I choked.
392
00:18:58,114 --> 00:19:00,420
Sorry mate, I couldn't go through with it!
393
00:19:00,455 --> 00:19:03,492
- I only did it because you
said you were going to do it!
394
00:19:03,527 --> 00:19:07,206
- Yeah, but, you see, I'm
in a tricky situation.
395
00:19:07,241 --> 00:19:10,150
My dad's the minister.
- Well my dad's the cop!
396
00:19:10,185 --> 00:19:13,024
You think that's any
better than you for me?
397
00:19:13,059 --> 00:19:17,264
- I stared temptation in the
face, and put it all behind me.
398
00:19:17,299 --> 00:19:21,431
I feel strangely cleansed.
399
00:19:30,204 --> 00:19:34,037
- These test results, I
must say, are unusual,
400
00:19:35,721 --> 00:19:37,304
even extraordinary.
401
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:43,207
And were it not for my
long years of achievement
402
00:19:43,242 --> 00:19:46,058
as a teacher of the finest quality,
403
00:19:46,093 --> 00:19:48,874
I'd suggest they'd beg a belief.
404
00:19:50,248 --> 00:19:51,081
Leonard.
405
00:19:52,133 --> 00:19:56,508
Stand and accept the
praise that is your due.
406
00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:58,888
Scoring-
- 37%!
407
00:19:58,923 --> 00:20:02,424
You've made me the
happiest Mum in the world!
408
00:20:02,459 --> 00:20:04,310
Who needs girls when I've got
409
00:20:04,345 --> 00:20:06,731
a master mathematician?
410
00:20:06,766 --> 00:20:08,564
- G'day, Mum, my pleasure.
411
00:20:08,599 --> 00:20:10,564
- This makes no sense!
412
00:20:10,599 --> 00:20:12,529
It defies all known logic!
413
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,680
- What a hero!
414
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,022
You don't think you're gonna
get away with this, do you?
415
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:26,932
- Mum.
416
00:20:28,106 --> 00:20:29,856
We have to talk, now.
417
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,334
Okay, so this is interesting.
418
00:20:35,369 --> 00:20:38,369
What we're seeing here is
the worst moment of my life.
419
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,202
Rock bottom, bar none.
420
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:43,728
- Clean wrap over the toilet seat.
421
00:20:43,763 --> 00:20:44,728
Fair enough.
422
00:20:45,688 --> 00:20:47,128
I'll even accept waving school at a pinch
423
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:50,663
of the surf's up when the
ocean's calling your name.
424
00:20:50,698 --> 00:20:52,413
But cheating, Lockie.
425
00:20:55,781 --> 00:20:58,028
That strikes at the very core
426
00:20:58,063 --> 00:21:01,004
of what this family believes in.
427
00:21:01,039 --> 00:21:03,910
- There's nothing I can say, Sarge.
428
00:21:03,945 --> 00:21:08,032
- We had a contract,
an unwritten contract.
429
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,949
You were my son, and I trusted you.
430
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,192
Now I feel as if we've crossed a line.
431
00:21:17,227 --> 00:21:20,097
- No
Sarge, not the line again!
432
00:21:20,132 --> 00:21:21,641
- Was it us, Mum?
433
00:21:21,676 --> 00:21:23,684
Did we get things so terribly wrong?
434
00:21:23,719 --> 00:21:27,219
- No guys, please, don't blame yourselves.
435
00:21:29,459 --> 00:21:33,450
I just thought that if Mum
thought I was good at maths
436
00:21:33,485 --> 00:21:36,360
then it would make up
for me not being a girl.
437
00:21:36,395 --> 00:21:37,443
- Lockie.
438
00:21:38,989 --> 00:21:42,945
I told you, I love the kids that I have.
439
00:21:42,980 --> 00:21:45,279
The order in which they were born,
440
00:21:45,314 --> 00:21:49,022
and the flaws they were each born with,
441
00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:53,224
which, by the way, I accept
full and total responsibility.
442
00:21:58,354 --> 00:22:00,771
- I'll make it up, I promise!
443
00:22:02,617 --> 00:22:05,004
Okay, if you don't want
to see Lockie Leonard,
444
00:22:05,039 --> 00:22:07,391
age 12 and three-quarters
bawling his eyes out,
445
00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:08,891
I'd turn away now.
446
00:22:11,589 --> 00:22:15,045
- I know someone you need
to make it up to, Lockie.
447
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:15,878
Big time.
448
00:22:17,139 --> 00:22:18,474
- Goodbye, Ms. Lovett.
449
00:22:18,509 --> 00:22:22,109
Farewell land of milk and
honey, and brainiac girls.
450
00:22:22,144 --> 00:22:25,710
It didn't take long for
things to get back to normal.
451
00:22:25,745 --> 00:22:29,377
Next test, actually.
- Eggleston and Leonard.
452
00:22:30,261 --> 00:22:32,011
Now I'll be the first
453
00:22:33,512 --> 00:22:35,179
to offer both of you
454
00:22:36,057 --> 00:22:38,235
my heartiest commiserations
455
00:22:38,270 --> 00:22:40,414
as you fail and fail abysmally.
456
00:22:43,413 --> 00:22:47,853
Indeed, I'm feeling
misty-eyed with nostalgia.
457
00:22:47,888 --> 00:22:50,353
Quite like old times, Leonard.
458
00:22:52,478 --> 00:22:53,363
- Yeah!
33062
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