All language subtitles for Lockie.Leonard.S01E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10.English

- 'Cause we like to look at it this way.

There's this door, yeah, and this door,

it can be opened, it can be closed.

- Or it can be halfway.

- Yeah, sure, open, close,
half way, that's right.

'Cause we've told Boof it
doesn't matter in his hands.

Boof, the door is always open.

There.

- Dad, where do babies come from?

- What am I doing here, what am I doing?

Playing Super Cars.

- Now as if life
isn't embarrassing enough,

someone, somewhere decided
it would be a good idea

to talk about this stuff.

- Sorry, Dad.

- Shut the door on your way out.

Winner 10.

'Cause this is just the
kind of parents we are.

There!

We don't care how embarrassing
it is for us, personally.

- Your rude bits, you know,
the birds and the bees.

- Yeah, what she said,
the birds and the bees,

the rude bits.

But we're gonna take it
on, we'll take it on.

- You know the stuff I mean.

Teenage health and tricky bits stuff.

Why, they're embarrassed.

We're embarrassed.

- I mean it's all about
communication, isn't it?

- Yes, yes, that's what it's about,

communication, spot on.

- Sorry guys, rather be surfing.

These waves are
unbelievable, this is huge.

The whole ocean has solved its face.

Even the fish are evacuating.

The best in the world have come here today

and the best in the world have failed

to measure up against this little guy.

- Lockie, it's time we
had a talk about teenage

health and your tricky bits.

- What?

- I said it's time we
talked about you know it.

- Mum, what are you doing?

- I am respecting your personal privacy.

- No, you're not.

- Lockie, take this little
green book, it's time.

- I don't want the little green book.

- You're going through puberty, Lockie,

take the book.

- Mum.

- Every boy and girl
- Mum!

- begins to feel their body change.

- Mum, can we leave puberty
alone for five minutes?

- He'd rather not talk about
puberty right now, Mum.

- Look this isn't exactly
easy for me, you know.

- What is puberty anyway?

- Phillip, don't start her up again.

- Lockie is embarrassed
by his changing body.

- No I'm not.

- Looks just the same to me.

- Phillip.

- Well you're supposed to be embarrassed,

that's the whole point.

Look, if you just read the book,

you'd know what you're supposed

to be embarrassed about.

- Well I'm not going to
read it in here, Mum.

And definitely not in front of Phillip.

- Philip, go and check on Blob.

She's probably eating something.

- It was the lounge last time I looked.

- I'll put it under your pillow.

Don't, for heaven's
sake, let Philip see it.

Mum.

- You're a legend, Mum.

You're the kind of parent most
kids would dream of having.

- Aw, Lockie.

Come here.
- No, Mum!

No, Mum, Mum, Mum!

And look at this, sports fans,

here's Lockie, so is this kid hot or what?

And yes here's his mum and she's got

the little green book.

Too much information.

Sorry, I'm not ready for this stuff.

Overload.

That's Cyril the sheep and my sister.

Don't ask.

- I've said to him.

Cyril, you're not a lamb anymore.

When are you going to stop this
paddock wedding every night?

- Week two at Angelus High.

According to American teen movies,

it's about now my classmates realise that

behind this noticed visage,

I'm actually a freakishly
talented basketball champion.

The trouble is, often the guys don't watch

many American teen movies.

- Get him!

- Bum.

- Are they still out there?

- Yep.
- Bum.

- The man said we were just standing there

with no intention of buying anything.

Said we were never to come back.

- Ever!

- Not a problem, Pierre,

we're gonna be dead anyway,
can you live with that?

- Bum.

- So, you two best friends or something?

I'll bet you play with
your Barbie dolls together.

- No, but you can borrow my sister's

if you're interested.

- So if you two ain't friends,

you don't mind if I take Egghead here

for a little chat down
the alley, would ya?

- Or you could just let us both go.

See you later, Boof, see you later, Egg.

- But then I checked out Boof.

And his pals and how tough they were.

And then I heard myself mumbling something

that sounded like, no.

- What was that city boy?

I can't hear you, speak a little louder.

- I said no, it doesn't worry me.

We're not friends.

Now I feel bad, really bad.

I felt really, really bad.

No, I felt so bad, I couldn't
think of anything else.

Well, almost anything else.

- Of course we always like
to talk things through

as a family, don't we, Vicki?

That way we get to pass on the benefits

of our experience and as a family.

We have discussed the Lockie Leonard issue

with quite some length.

Our advice to Vicki has
been to wait for Lockie

in some secluded lane or alleyway

and then kiss him.

- Exactly.
- Exactly.

- That's right.
- Kiss him.

- Kiss him.
- Kiss him.

- The problem was after one week

I still didn't really know
anybody except four surfers

who wanted to kill me, a
headbanger who made me feel

sick with guilt, and a girl I
couldn't stop thinking about

but I was too scared to talk to.

Good start, Lockie.

- What is wrong with you, Leonard?

- You don't want to know, sir.

- That's probably the only correct thing

you'll say all day.

Do you want to be here, Leonard?

- I have to be here, sir.

Like you I imagine.

- Son, if you want to imagine,

you imagine all you want!

- Having a spot of bother.

Four teachers have kicked
you out of their classrooms

while others have complained

about the whiff of Vegemite that seems

to follow you around.

Lockland, right?

- Lockie, sir.

- And it's only week two.

I mean congratulations,
man, you are really

building a reputation for yourself.

Are you working to a plan or?

- John East had seen that movie

where the idealistic young teacher

gets sent to a really tough school

where the students all look
like they're 30 years old

and are rap artists and the
other teachers are ex-marines

and his girlfriend's like,
Rich, why are you wasting

your time on these kids?

And Rich is like, 'cause
if I don't believe

in them, nobody will.

- Now I'm only guessing here, but is lack

of concentration an issue?

- Sorry?
- Nothing.

You got trouble at home?

- My brother wets the bed.

- You like being the class clown?

- I just wanted to tell him

this was all a big mistake.

But these days every time I open my mouth,

it came out dumb.

- Are you any good at sports?

- No, I hate sport.

- You look fit enough, you
must be doing something right?

- I surf.

- Well that's a sport.

- Not for me it's not.

- What kind of board you got?

- Idealistic teacher bonds

with super tough student.

Everybody goes.

- Wow.

- Can I go now, sir?

- Go.

And Lockie.

Pull your head in.

- Now the one thing about John that did

rather concern us always--

- What, apart from the impertinence?

- Yes, all right, I
suppose, I have to accept

some responsibility for this.

- And the dumb insolence, the defiance?

- John would insist on
picking his nose in public.

Goodness me that jolly finger of his

just about lived up his nose.

Guilt alert,

guilt, guilt, guilt.

Okay, I knew I couldn't go on any longer

carrying this guilt around.

If I ever wanted to
live with myself again,

there was something I had to do.

Right here and right now.

- Hello, Lockie Leonard.

- Then again, it
was only lunch time, no rush.

I had all afternoon to get to Egg.

- Get your books out.

Quiet, let's at least
look like we're trying

to do some work here.

A Midsummer's Night Dream,
Act Two, Scene One, page 37.

Lockie Leonard, perhaps
you'd like to read first.

Top of the page in your own time.

- Breasts at puberty or a little before.

Girls start to develop breasts.

This is perfectly normal.

In fact, boys kind of like the idea.

Mum!

- Gibbly boy, gibbly boy.

- Here we go again.

Another guided tour of the toilets.

Only this time, I deserve
it, the full treatment.

- I sold out the only person in town

who'd been half decent to me and for what?

Boof wasn't about to quit and now

Egg hated me too.

I should've apologised
when I had the chance.

How's it going?

- I'll never play the violin again.

But that aside,

doctors say I'll make a
full recovery eventually.

- Good.

Look, I--

- Wanna come to my place?

Play some music?

- What sort of music?

- Decibel, Goliath?

- Heavy metal?

Don't know 'em.

Do they bite the heads off chickens?

- I suppose you like the girl bands?

- Not to listen to.

I'm into more of the
alternative stuff actually.

- That'd be right, you're a real surfer.

- Yeah.

- It wasn't meant as a compliment.

- You comin'?

Walk this way.

- As you can see, my mum's
into heavy metal as well.

- Yo.

- That's my mum.

- Excuse me, your mum's welding.

- Women can weld too you know.

- I knew that.

- Mum.

This is Lockie.

- Hi.

- How's your tricky bits?

- Excuse me?

- I told mum you got nutted
in the surf the other day.

- And the Vegemite.

- Yeah, okay, fine thank you.

What's that you're building
there, Mrs. Eggleston?

- I don't build, this is art.

Now go away.

- Excellent.

- I call these ones Friends with Milk.

And I call this one Autumn.

- What's this one called?

- It's called a canoe.

- Does it float?

- Are you crazy, I'm not getting into it.

- It should float.

- Mum was going through a phase.

You know, this was a sport
and recreation period.

- Egg.

There's no reason why
this canoe couldn't float.

- You know, Lockie, you're
starting to worry me, OK?

- Are these the paddles?

- Yeah, now leave it alone,
we're here to listen to music.

- Wow.

- I've tried to recreate
kind of a Black Sabbath

slash Seattle influence.

- You've succeeded.

I was standing in the
original heavy metal cave

and it ponged, boy, did it pong.

It ponged of old socks and lost undies.

Sweaty underarms and--

- And it smells totally authentic, okay?

- No, my little brother wet the bed,

so it's kind of like our room.

Just add wee.

- Anyway, it's parent proof, they hate it.

- Too cheery?

- What kind of music
do you wanna listen to?

- You choose.

- I think you'll like this one.

- It was like being
sucked into the endings

of a jungle gym and yet much worse.

- Hold on.

Where have I seen this guy before?

- We have the footie tribe.

- I didn't know the Rev was your dad!

- Do you want to do something else?

If we suddenly brake, do we split half

like a watermelon?

- Yeah, probably.
- Yeah, right, good.

I was just worried, you know,
sticking together, cool.

- It floats, see, no leaks.

Egg, we have flotation.

When your mum builds something,
she wants it to last.

- I can't, okay.

- What are you so nervous about?

You can't fall out.

- What if it rolls over
and you get trapped inside,

that would be so bad.

- Egg, have you seen
the size of this thing?

You couldn't roll it
over with a bulldozer.

- I've got issues with sharks.

- Mate, what sort of shark

would try this on?

It could double as an icebreaker.

- All right.

I can't swim.
- What?

- I can't swim.

- Everybody can swim.

- Can they, right,
can they, fine, good.

You don't need to swim to play mega then.

When Jimmy Page went to
audition for Zeppelin,

they didn't say, Jimmy, can you swim, no.

- Well it doesn't matter
if you can't swim,

it's a harbour.

If you fall out, all you're
gonna do is scrape your knee.

- Just in the shallow then, promise?

- Get in.

- In the shallow, you promise?

- Okay.

Man, what are these things made out of?

- Steel I think.
- That'd explain it.

What do you reckon, the great outdoor?

- People enjoy this, do they?

Lockie?

Peak water wasn't a part of
the agreement, panicking now.

- Egg, keep paddling.

- Omph.

- Omph, what do you mean omph.

- My paddle, it sounded like a brick.

Just went down and down and down.

Man, that was scary.

- Omph, where did the omphs come from?

We looked like two kids on scud missile

that secretly wanted to be a commervan.

I guess that Egg was
probably having problems

with his folks.

But that was a door I was
happy to leave closed for now.

- I'm king of the world, yeah!

- I like this guy.

Okay apart from his
taste in music that is.

But we had strange things in common.

Like our dads having totally random jobs.

Mum reckons successful relationships

are all about communication,
talking and listening.

But sometimes making a good friend is just

about laughing, although
there was one little thing

that needed to be said.

Hey Egg.

- You rang, sir?

- Sorry about this morning
at the fishing shop.

Can we rewind and delete some things?

- No problem, pal.

Come on then.

Straight ahead!

- That way, go!