All language subtitles for Il marchese del Grillo Mario Monicelli, (1981) eng

5, 6.

Stop.

Good morning, Mr. Marquis.

Good morning.

He's awake!

NOISE AND INDISTINCT VOICES

Mr. Marquis, would you like
some delicacies that someone brought in?

Yes, please, but no plums. Last week
they caused my stomach to grumble

while I was in bed with Countess
Esmeralda. What a shame!

- What have they brought today?
- Apples, peaches, medlars.

- Where's my mother?
- She's gone to Mass.

- Good morning, Mr. Marquis.
- Hi.

- Are these peaches "giallone"?
- They're "spaccarelle". - Good!

- Good morning, Mr. Marquis.
- Good morning!

- Rosi', here's a "spaccarella"!
- Thanks!

- Rosina looks very pretty.
- Yes.

Here they are.

Here, people.
Take these delicacies!

- Here! - Thanks.
- Be good, there's fruit for everyone!

Take them. Here!

Here!
There are so many beggars!

- They come here every morning! But what
do they want? - They want free food!

- Do they? - If you keep giving
them fruit, they'll never go away!

You think so, Riccio'?

However there is fruit and fruit!

- This is fruit as well.
- Of course. - Look.

Here, people.
Take these pine-cones!

- He's throwing pine-cones at us!
- Let's run!

- Son of a bitch!
- Here! See Riccio'? They left!

Beggars are never satisfied.

- Pine-cones hurt, but it was fun.
- Indeed. - Good morning, Camilla.

Wait...

- How doest it smell? - It doesn't.
- That's impossible.

Why do you ask me then?

Riccio',
smell my sister's breath.

- How does it smell? - It doesn't. - Good
morning. - Pompeo, where are you going?

- Pompeo! - Have you seen
don Sabino? - Maybe he's in the chapel.

- I have to go to confession.
- You did it earlier. - New stuff!

- See you later, Onofrio.
- Camilla, Don't you worry.

- Wake up, Riccio'. - Your sister
had a dead mouse in her mouth!

- You didn't smell anything? - I did,
but I don't want to give her satisfaction.

- Good morning, Onofrio.
- How are you, Rambaldo?

- Can I ask you for a favour? - Have you
seen my mother? - She's in the balcony.

- Only you can help me.
- What's wrong?

The papal officials who aren't from Rome

have to return to their home towns.
I have to return to Macerata!

- With your family? - Yes.
- My sister too?

Wives have to follow their husbands.
But she has a weak stomach!

- Today there's sewer in her
mouth! - Her breath is a bit bad...

- Like a sewer! Riccio', what was in her
mouth? - A dead mouse.

- What do you need?
- You know the French,

could avoid us the transfer?
- Of course, consider it done!

- Really? - Yes. - Can I count on it?
- Count on it, you are my family!

- Don't worry, I'll fix you all.
- Thanks, Onofrio. - Not at all!

Impure deeds are harmful to the
body and mind. But are you repented?

- To be repented is important.
- I am, but then...

- But you come here for the same sin
every half an hour! - Don Sabino!

Absolve him once
every three times he does it!

- That's a great idea! - As they say,
"do it yourself, it's three times better"...

Get closer.

Kneel down.

I'm absolving you you three times!

- Aronne Piperno!
- Excellence! - How is the work going?

- This is the last panel,
then I'm done. - Good. Show me.

- Here. - That's nice!
- Thank you.

Good job.

What a retouch!
It's hardly noticeable.

- Congratulations. Bravo, Piperno.
- Thank you, it's an honour to serve you.

If you're happy, that's
the best pay for my job.

Thanks, Piperno but a job
has to be paid for! Good morning, mother.

Have you heard about the French?

They want to bring
a company of players

where the female characters
will be played by real women!

- Instead of the castrated? - Yes,
they're a horde of unbelievers!

Onofrio, why don't you ever come
to the morning Mass?

You go to Mass
when I'm sleeping!

Do you think that God
should wait for you?

You go out with bad
people every night!

Mother, what else could I do
but sleep?

Our Genuflessa works all day.
But, in fact, what does she do?

- I'm sewing a trousseau.
- You met a man, then? - No.

How can you get married you if you're always
sewing! You should wear the trousseau.

You should show off, my cousin!
What have you got there? Put them on.

You'll get married if you wear these!
Beautiful panties! Mother, have a look.

Give them to me.
Come on!

All those tassels...
And they're transparent too!

- Very well, Genuflessa!
- Very well, Genuflessa.

and so you put on shameful panties
to show your own calves?

Go to your room.

What a dirty girl!
Who could ever say it...

No one would say it,
but I think that she's full of stuff!

Mr. Marquis,
a French officer has arrived.

- He says he's Captain...
- He's Captain Blanchard.

- Let him wait.
- A French officer in our house?

Mother, be good.
He's a good boy.

He would like to assist
to a ceremony with the Holy Father.

You must be crazy.
You go with the French now?

They are God's enemies!
They had their own King beheaded!

Twenty years ago! And maybe
the Pope can convert him.

I have to go get ready, mother.
I'm late.

If I am late, the Pope will have to walk.
See you, mother.

> Mr. Marquis, lean out!

Not again!

Ricciotto,
what do they want?

They are the ones you hit in the head.

Some of them got hurt, and
now they want to be refunded.

They don't deserve anything. I've always
given them money and good stuff before!

I was just joking,
I'd never done it before!

But if they want money, they'll
have it! Go get some "paoli".

Quick, I'm late!

- Go light the fire.
- In this season?

- Don't ask. Just light it.
- Alright.

Onofrio, this is the right time.

I have found evidence of two more
miracles. There are ten of them now!

Now I can really have the beatification
of Quartina instituted.

Uncle, not again
with Quartina!

She's our ancestress,
but why should she become a saint?

Whatever she foretold
came true within twelve hours!

- What came true?
- It's all here. Read.

- What? - Here's the money,
Marquis. - Hand me a tray.

- What did Quartina do?
- One day she was stung by a thorn

while picking up
the roses for the altar.

She said: "You didn't want
to offer yourself to the Holy Virgin

and you will die before night".
- And?

- The day after that rose was dry.
- Roses do get dry!

And when cat scratched her, she said:

"May you be cursed,

may you die before sunset."

And the cat died before sunset,
while eating some fish.

Perhaps blessed Quartina
brought bad luck!

Riccio', give me the tray.

Here Riccio', this one is ready.

Mr. Marquis!

I am sorry good people,
I didn't mean to hurt you!

Here are some "paoli"
to refund you all. Here.

Damn you!

Once they're cooled off,
they'll pick them up!

Now we are even.
Let's go to see the Pope.

Long live the Church!

Long live Pious Vll!

THE CROWD PRAYS IN LATIN

Oh, Marquis Del Grillo is here!

- Sorry, I didn't see the step. - Don't you
know that "The world is a stairway"?

Yes, "some climb them,
while others go down! "

- Be careful, or I'll make you tumble down Castel Saint Angelo's! - I will!

Blanchard, look at that!

Behind you is the heart of Christianity.

Look at the "cupolone".

What do you think, Blanchard?
Impressive, wasn't he?

- Who?
- The Pope!

Isn't he unique?

What impressed me was

to see some men carrying another
man upon their shoulders

- like donkeys!
- The Pope is not a man,

he's the representative of God
on earth! You would do the same.

- No, I wouldn't!
- Are you sure?

If Napoleon asked you
to carry him upon your shoulders

wouldn't you do it?

Napoleon would never ask anybody
for a similar thing.

See, if you say bad things about me
and the Pope, I'll laugh.

- But if I say bad things about you
and Napoleon, you'll get mad. - Me?

You and all the French!

- Do you know Napoleon well?
- Yes. He never looks others in the eye.

- Is it true that he's a shorty?
- Don't joke!

Napoleon can scare you with a look.
If he says a word, he'll set you on fire,

- and you'll face the battle as if going
to make love! - Love? You could get killed!

- Have you been in many battles?
- More than 20. - Good!

The trumpets playing the position,

the sabres shining in the sun,

the gallopping horses!

Charge!

Give me that whip!

Give it to me!

THEY SING THE FRENCH ANTHEM

With such an anthem
one is always ready to die.

With our anthem, instead:
# We want God, the Virgin Mary...#

we can only go to the "Madonna
of the Divine Love"!

To be worthy of an anthem like ours,

one has to behead
a few Marquises Del Grillo like you.

- Then I'll keep my anthem!
(SHOT)

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

- Don't worry. Come with me.
- Get down! Purses out!

Get down.

- Go inside!
- The church? - Yes.

- Walk.
- Alright.

Blanchard, don't say anything.
Keep silent.

> Mr. Marquis, is that you?
- Don Bastiano?

Yes, Mr. Marquis, that's me!

Come here!
You got scared, didn't you?

You shot!

- Now you go with the "Franzose"? - To me
he isn't a French. He's just a man.

- I am a man's friend,
not a French's. - I have understood.

As I am one of Napoleon's!
May he die!

But he should be killed a hundred times.
He's a tough one.

He's a self-made man, like me.

- I was a poor priest and now I'm a
a ringleader! - He was a parson.

"Franzose", can you see
the tree behind me?

You're lucky
you're with Marquis.

If you had been alone,
I would have sorted you out!

I would have crucified you right here

so you would have learned to respect
God, the Madonna and the Saints.

Make the sign
of the Cross, damn it!

- Make the sign of the Cross.
- No.

Bastiano, tell us your story.

- I had two sisters.
- A beautiful one and an ugly one.

- Are you going to tell it?
- No, you will.

I had two sisters,
one was beautiful.

The other one was ugly indeed,

however she was engaged
and about to get married.

A Baron got the beautiful one pregnant.

She dishonoured us, and the ugly one's
fianc� didn't want to marry her anymore.

What was I supposed to do?

I was a priest, but I was also
the only male of the family!

I spent that night in hell,
you have no idea...

- Then I did it.
- He killed the Baron's cousin.

- His cousin? - Yes, a relative of his.
- I had to do it.

Of course! The guilty Baron
had gone to Naples,

and his cousin
had his same blood!

I did it with good intentions.

Hey! Cross yourselves!

Blanchard, make the sign of the cross!

- Tell the Pope that he has to absolve me!
- You know he can't.

- Why? - He said that a priest
shouldn't kill, but forgive.

A priest should forgive
and the Pope shouldn't?

Then I'll forgive myself.

I'm absolving myself.

Is it clear?
I will always be a priest!

I say Mass, communicate, baptize,
consecrate, confess and marry people!

- Do you want to get married Marquis?
- Not now, Bastiano.

But if I decide to, I'll let you know.
We have to go now.

Go, but be careful. There are
dangerous gangs around here.

But don't worry, I'll protect you.

- May we go, then?
- Go, you have my blessing.

- "Franzose", take your money back.
- You can keep it.

You don't want it?

Of course he does!
Take the purse, idiot.

- He wants it.
- Good, "Franzose".

- Mr. Marquis, how about a snack?
- No, thanks, we're going home.

Don't worry. Give him
some pecorino cheese and a bottle of wine.

- I use it during the Mass.
- Don't bother. - I insist!

Thanks for your hospitality.
You have been kind, good-bye.

Good-bye, Mr. Marquis.

- Good-bye, Bastiano.
- Good-bye, Mr. Marquis.

Mr. Marquis, if you see the Pope

tell him that one day I'll make
a Bishop of myself! Is it clear?

Yes. I'll tell him,
don't worry.

- See you.
- Good-bye, Bastiano.

SHOTS

Listen, Blanchard.

But who is it?

It's Bastiano
who guards and protects us.

- From the other brigands? - Here
the brigands belong to the landscape.

- Is this land yours?
- All is mine here. - Up to where?

I don't know, up to the sea.

We have arrived.

- That's wonderful!
- You think?

It makes me sad, I never come here.

All is broken,
demolished, abandoned.

That's why it's beautiful.
Many painters would be happy here.

Really? Introduce them to me.

- It's an ideal place
for a love meeting. - I know.

...Why do you think that the walls
are all torn? Tiberio!

Tiberio!

Tiberio! Why is Tiberio away
every time I come here?

- Where is Tiberio? - He died,
Mr. Marquis. - When?

- In spring.
- Poor thing!

- Tiberio belonged to the landscape too.
Who are you? - I'm Livio, sir.

- Livio, take care of the carriage.
- I will, Mr. Marquis.

There is a basket
with some pecorino and a bottle of wine.

Bring us some fresh bread too.
Let's Go.

Here is the old castle.
It's open, get in, Blanchard.

- Mind your head, stones can fall
from the roof. - What a beautiful hall!

It's all abandoned,
no one guards it anymore.

Everything is still as it was
when my poor dad was alive.

- Come. - It's beautiful.
- I'll show you the rest of the house.

- Come, Blanchard. Come in.
- Why is it so wrecked?

Nobody ever comes here,
I never come here too.

- But it's beautiful, I like it.
- Tonight you can sleep here.

- You want to spend the night here?
- We'll light a fire

we'll roast something
and then...

- There she is...
- Who's that?

I know who she is!

- Ugly thing! Wake up!
You don't have to sleep here! - Here!

Go away, ugly witch!

Go away!

Damn you! If I find you here again,
I'll send you to the stake.

- Go away!
- But why did you do that? Poor girl!

She's a witch, she casts spells.

- She is not a witch!
- You don't believe in witches?

That is a witch.

Witches don't exist.

- Laugh! Do as you want! - You believe
in witches like in the Middle Ages!

Come.

- Are all the rooms frescoed?
- Yes, all of them.

- Who is the painter? - I don't know him,
perhaps a student of Vasari's.

- But what are you doing?
- We need it for the fire.

- We are making bruschetta. Do you
like it? - With a 16th century armchair?

If I could, I'd break everything.

The hell with 16th, 17th
and 18th centuries!

You French say:
"Shit to the whole world."

My brother-in-law is from Macerata.

He's in the list of the officials
who have to go away from Rome

by order of the your general Mionly.
- ... and you want him to remain here.

- Don't worry, I'll speak
with the general. - On the contrary!

I want him to leave.
Make him leave immediately!

- Family problems?
- It's a tragedy.

My sister's breath
can kill the flies.

Macerata would be the minimum distance
not to smell it anymore.

As you see, the noble have problems too.

- My brother-in-law is Count Rambaldo
Vitelli. - Count Vitelli. Alright.

Help me, Blanchard.
I will be grateful.

I'm asking for a big favour.

You're a French
and I'm a Roman nobleman

but gratitude
is the same everywhere

in Rome as in Paris.

We haven't known each other long,
but I know you like me.

Help me, please.

If you had been born in my place,
would you have made the revolution?

No, but at least
I would have fought for it.

Every man has to have a purpose
in the life, an ideal.

I like you, but you speak
like a "Franzoso".

It is not easy to be born
in a family like mine

here in Rome, wih the Pope,
the Cardinals and the Holy Office.

When I was a boy, I had ideas.

I wanted to be a scientist,
an explorer.

but I couldn't tell anyone!

My father never spoke to me.
He only said: "Study and pray".

And my mother only told me to pray!

When my father died,
I stayed with my mother,

and a preceptor taught me
the catechism.

He used to spank me with a wand.

My butt was as red
as a watermelon!

I found some comfort in reading.
I had books everywhere.

Here too.
Look, there are many books.

In summer
I used to meet other children here.

We all read a lot. Some read
the classics, others read books of adventure.

Then at night we dreamt.

Everything is still the same,
Don Quixote, Voltaire.

- Have you read Voltaire?
- Yes, I have. Why?

...I get easily bored

and so I annoy the others.

I've always liked to make jokes,
and I still do.

When I go to sleep I am tired
but I start again the morning after.

I only make jokes now,
what else could I do, in Rome?

There are churches, domes, roofs,
cats, beggars...

...and witches.
> SOMEONE IS CHANTING

Come and see.

Looks at that one.
Ugly and evil!

Ugly witch, filthy and infamous!
Looks, she is casting the evil eye.

- Ugly and bald old woman!
- She's a child! - She isn't!

If you don't give me some money,
I'll make your testicles dry.

Wait, I'll throw you the money.

- Wait and you'll see!
- Let her go ahead.

I want to see the devil
coming out of the fireplace!

I'll show you the devil.

- What are you doing?
- You'll see her jump.

I'll burn her hands. Come and see.

Here she is!

- Ugly and filthy old woman, here.
- No, poor girl! - I want to burn her.

Come here. Grasp it.

Damn her!
You didn't believe in witches.

Careful, She'll make our testicles dry
for real! Let us touch wood!

Damn you!

- You wanted to cheat, didn't you?
- There are no cheaters here.

No cheaters?
And what's that card?

- I don't see anything. - Boy,
call the police. - Leave me!

- Do you see something?
- I don't care!

Good.

- I won't interfere!
- Here nobody sees anything.

- I see it, instead.
- Who are you?

Your eyes
see invisible things!

- Show me your courage.
- Here it is.

You come with me!

Stay here.

- Here they are! - The police!
- What happened? What are you doing?

- Let go of my foot!
- Good, Gaetano!

Alcohol over closing time,
gambling and brawl.

You've asked for it!
To prison.

- But I'm the one who called you!
- Shut up, I came here on my own.

- What are you doing there? - He was defending himself.

- Why are you holding that foot?
Whose foot is it? - Can't you see?

It's the body of evidence. This
robber was cheating with his foot.

- He was handing cards. - Good!
You'll go with the others.

No, wait!

I can be arrested only
if Cardinal Vicar orders it.

I am Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo,
duke of Bracciano, a noble officer

and a secret waiter of his
Holiness Pious Vll. - Wow!

I am a General Commander in Rome,
a close friend of Napoleon's

and I'll put you in jail for resistance
to an officer of the Pope.

false generalities, unauthorized nobility.
You've asked for it! To prison.

- What are you doing?
- We're innocent!

- I was just watching!
- Silence!

- What's happening here?
- Everything is alright, Mr. Commissioner.

Luckily I have arrived in time.

Gambling,
brawl and false generalities.

- Here they are!
- Very well!

Mr. Marquis, what are you doing
among these scoundrels?

What am I doing?
You've asked for it!

- It's this idiot's fault!
- Is it?

But are you drunk?
You have arrested Marquis Del Grillo!

- He was with these robbers! - Can't you
you tell a nobleman from a plebeian?

- You'll spend two months in prison!
- He's a fool.

- I told him who I was! - Then
you'll spend four months in prison!

- Forgive him, Your Excellence. All
the others in jail. - But him.

- He's my servant, He's always
with me. - Of course. - Let's go, Riccio'.

Riccio', go to check
via dei Banchi Vecchi.

I'll reach you later.
See you at dawn.

I'm sorry, but I am me
and you are nothing!

He's making fun of us!

Stop here, Ubaldo.

Countess De Marchi,
it was a beautiful party.

I am sorry, but I have to go now.
Pardon me if I don't take you home,

but duty calls me!
Bye, Cecilia. - Where are you going?

Don't worry about it!
Bye, Cecilia.

Thanks for the beautiful evening.

- So? Are you done?
- About to. Let me check if he's coming.

It's all wet! He'll notice it.

- Yesterday there was a shop here, the wall is
fresh! - It doesn't have to be noticeable.

The owner doesn't have to notice anything,
otherwise where's the fun?

Let the sign disappear!

Hurry up. You get the door.

- Riccio'!
- Quick. - Hurry up.

- Let the donkey move!
- He is arriving. - He is arriving!

Away!

Set the loo.

Go away!

Away!

But...

- But... - What are you doing? Peeping?
- This is my shop!

No, it isn't! Don't peep,
or I'll have you arrested.

But isn't this via dei Banchi Vecchi?

So what? Can't I piss in peace
in via dei Banchi Vecchi?

You can piss where you like,
but not at my shop.

You're drunk, here is a urinal,
not your shop.

- But everything is wet!
- Of course, I have pissed!

What happened?
How can it be?

Last night it was here!

When he didn't see his shop
he almost got crazy.

- Quiet, Riccio'. Someone is arriving. Who is it? - The Marquise.

If my mother sees me,
she'll take me to Mass!

- Why? What have I done?
- You have dreamt of fornicating. - Me?

Yes, with my child.

- But who told you that?
- I just know it. Shame on you!

Give me your arm.

It's the devil who sends me such dreams!

Let my son out of them.

Dream of being a bitch
with someone else!

- Don Sabino, confess me.
- I confessed you last night!

- I couldn't resist.
- We said once every three times!

- Done.
- My child!

The important thing is for you to be
repented. Kneel down. I absolve you.

Go to church with your parents.

Let's go, Riccio'.

- Mr. Marquis...
- Hi.

My hat, Riccio'.

Here.

- Good morning, uncle. - Aren't you coming
to the church? - I'll reach you later.

- You hurt me!
- Who is that? Is she new?

- Yes, she's Faustina. She started
yesterday. - Fire her. - Why?

- She's wearing no panties!
- Is Mr. Marquis angry?

- Mr. Marquis. - What.
- Before going to sleep

could you sign a few bills?
- I'll do it in the morning!

- They can't wait.
- Fuck off...

- Where are they?
- On the table.

Next time come in the morning,
not when I'm going to sleep.

Here!

Here.

- Here! - No, this is the
calendar. - I'll pay it too!

- Is that all?
- Aronne Piperno, the carpenter, is here.

He's done with his job,
it would be fair of you to pay him.

- Would it be fair?
- I think so, Mr. Marquis.

- So be it, then.
- Yes. - Let him in.

Aronne Piperno.

I'll pay him at once.

Here.

Aronne Piperno, come in.

Come!

- My respects, Excellence.
- Aronne, you work well. - Thanks.

Beautiful woodwork, beautiful closet,
beautiful chests.

- All well done. Thanks.
You can leave now. - I haven't understood.

- I said that you can go.
- But I... - What?

- The bill.
- Give it to me.

Here.

- Here is the bill!
- Why did you tear it?

- What should I do with it?
- And my money?

- You won't be paid. - Why?
- Want to know the procedure?

- Yes. - I won't give you the money
and you won't get any! - I got it!

- This is a joke.
- Sure, a joke!

- You're famous for your jokes..
- Then I'll be more famous now.

Maybe you want a discount?

No, either Marquis Del Grillo
pays or he doesn't. And I won't pay you.

- Throw him out. - What's wrong,
Excellence? - Everything is, Aronne!

First of all, I knocked
my knee against your closet!

- That's not my fault! - Isn't it
a good reason? - It is, Excellence.

And then you're a Jewish.
Your ancestors built the cross

where Jesus was hung.
Shouldn't I be angry for that?

- Of course! - If you think
you're right sue me. - I am right.

If a judge agrees with that,
I'll pay you. Now let me go to sleep.

- Please think it over, Excellence.
- No. - I'll come back tomorrow. - No!

- I have a family! - Me too!
- What should I do? - Go away.

- What's the time? - The bells announcing
the third Mass rang. - Shut everything.

Darken everything! Administrator,
call my lawyers.

They have to corrupt judges, audiences,
officials, witnesses.

- It will cost you more than if you paid him!
- Don't interfere.

I don't want to pay Aronne Piperno.

I want to see if
a poor plebeian's arguments

can beat a rich
and powerful nobleman's abuse.

- Yes, Excellence. At your orders.
- Good.

Go away now.

Disappear, don't break my balls
because I want to sleep.

Here.

He went to sleep!

Silence!

00:40:25,273
00:40:43,196
SPEAKS IN LATIN

Today, 18th February 1809

the experts have verified
that the above mentioned job

has not been properly done
by Piperno Aronne;

an ancient portal has been ruined
and its value decreased.

Moreover, Aronne Piperno
of Jewish religion,

in order to complete that job,
has stayed out of the ghetto

after the closing
of its gates at night.

Therefore the court rejects
the claims of Piperno Aronne...

...over his Excellence
Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo

and condemns him
to pay for the legal costs of this trial.

As for violating the curfew,

- he will also be pilloried.
- Also!

In the name of the Father and
the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

CHILDREN SING

BELLS RING

- Hey! What happened?
- They say the Pope is dead.

Holy Virgin!

- What happened?
- Something serious for sure, Nina.

- Has the Tevere overflown
its banks? - Who knows!

Hey! Wait! Maybe it's the war?

No, the bells are tolling!

- The Pope! - What happened?
- The Pope has died. - The Pope?

Really?

Someone must have given some order!

It's not possible for all the parsons
in Rome to have become crazy altogether!

Perhaps it was general Mionly's idea.

I don't think the French
would dare. And what for?

Bells ring like this
only when a Pope dies.

The French would like that very much.

Here, Holiness. These are
the parsons of St. Francis in Ripa,

Saint Maria and Saint Camillo.
They are the first ones we have found.

- Why have you started tolling?
- Forgive us, Eminence.

Someone paid me to celebrate

a solemn funeral Mass.
- Me too. - Me too.

How can it be
that all the churches in Rome

were given the same task?
There is a provocative intent.

Who gave you this task?

An envoy of Marquis Del Grillo's,
Holiness.

I thought that it had to do
with some of his relatives.

- I was well paid, 5 "paoli".
- Me too. It's not our fault.

- I have understood.
(KNOCKING)

- Let's hear the others.
- Eminence... - Enough.

- Go. - This time Marquis Del Grillo
has gone too far.

We are tired of him
and his inopportune jokes.

Above all now
that the French occupy the city.

That's why I said "inopportune".

The Marquis should go
to meditate in Castel Saint Angelo

and ponder on the fact
that life is not only a joke.

- Youth is beautiful!
00:45:51,918
- Come in! - Mr. Marquis,
come. Supper's ready. - Yes!

- Otherwise everything will cool off.
- I'm coming.

- Let's go, Fausti'. Is this
shawl yours? - Yes. - Can I put it on?

- Yes. - I am freezing.
I'm coming, sora Anita!

- Come, Mr. Marquis, everything
is ready. - What have you cooked?

- Lamb cutlets. - Good!
- Served hot from the grill.

- Just as you like them!
- Here, I'm so hungry.

- They're hot.
- Ouch!

In fact I have burnt my finger,
but they are all scorched.

They are, and it's the bell's fault.
They've been stuck inside my head all day.

I can't take it anymore
and also that poor creature is scared.

Why don't you speak?
Are you angry with me?

She's angry because this winter
you have come only 3 or 4 times.

My daughter is always sad
because she loves you.

She has to love me,
I have given you a house!

You've given us a beautiful house,
but you never come here.

We are always alone
and she is sad for that.

Your mother tells so many lies. At least you
are silent, you are more honest than her.

- Mr. Marquis, the Pope's guards
are looking for you! - I'm coming.

- My God, the Pope!
- Yes, he needs me and I have to go.

- And these cutlets? - I'll be right back,
and Faustina will be glad.

- Bye, Faustina.
- Mr. Marquis, come back soon.

I yield with deference
to the orders of Your Holiness

and I am ready to spend,
if necessary,

the rest of my days inside
Castel Saint Angelo, and ponder.

Yes.

But I would like to know
on what I have to ponder.

On the inconvenience of
a similar joke at this very moment.

- But it wasn't a joke.
- What?

To have the bells toll as if
the Pope were dead isn't a joke?

- Am I dead?
- No.

- But something more important
of Your Holiness died. - Who would it be?

- Justice. - Don't start
with your amenities again.

Holiness, I wronged
a poor Jewish carpenter.

But, corrupting judges,
witnesses, officers, lawyers,

cardinals, abbots, officials,
experts, administrators,

I had that poor thing condemned
only because he is poor and Jewish

while I'm rich and Christian.
However I'll submit to your wish.

I'm prepared to go to prison

...together with Monsignors
Ralla, Falchi and Bellarmino,

Cardinal Fioravanti and Bucci,

Prince Ardenghi, Duke
Soffici, Count Von Keiper

and the Abbot of Saint Maria
Alla Minerva... - Enough!

- There are so many of them. - You are
decimating the whole Sacred College

and a good part of the officers.

- Son, justice is not of
this world, but of the other. - I know it.

- Justice in the next world!
- Exactly, son.

And since, unfortunately,
we belong to this world,

we condemn you to spend 30 days
in the fortress all the same:

10 days, for disrespecting
the Pontiff

letting everyone believe that he was dead,
and let me touch wood;

10 days for making fun of justice

- having a poor and innocent man
condemned. - But I've refunded him.

I have paid him three times
his credit and given him land.

You should have seen him,
he was so happy.

- Then we'll give you only one day.
- Thanks.

One for every cardinal, for every
prince, for every official

- that you corrupted. How many
are there? - Of the corrupt ones?

- Yes, how many? - About twenty.
- Then it's the same.

They are still 30 days. This is the
verdict delivered by Pontiff Pious Vll

as Head
of the Papal Government.

How's that restoration going?

- We're doing our best.
- Go ahead.

But being the Pope and Head of the
Church of Christ the merciful,

I'll turn the 30 days
into 30 Pater, Ave and Gloria

to be said 30 times a day,
for 30 days.

- Then the fortress was better.
- But you have to promise

- that you'll stop making your
jokes. - Don't worry.

Of course!

Rambaldo, I did all I could.

I tried everything to keep you
in Rome, but I've not succeeded.

I have also talked to VIPs
and politicians, but in vain.

However Macerata is full of life.

- And then you have Camilla, Pompeo...
- What a tragedy! - My Camilla!

- Look how swollen I am.
- I see it. - It's for the sorrows.

- I don't think so.
- Smell. - My Camilla!

- A change will do everyone good.
- Also to us.

- And what are you doing there?
- I hope that it does us good.

Camilla, unexpected events
happen to the officials.

- It's easy for you to say it!
- Don't get disheartened.

- Understand? - Yes.
- And keep in touch. - You too!

Here, enough, Riccio'.

- Go, Giglio! Have a good journey.
- Good-bye!

- And enjoy yourselves! - Good-bye!
- Come back soon!

Mother, Camilla has left us.

- What? - Faustina
and her mother are here.

- Who? - Faustina and her mother.
- They're here? Are they crazy?

- They're hiding in the crusher.
- Have they told you what they want?

No, they want to talk to you.

- So? What happened? Why the hell
did you come here? - What happened?

- It's a delicate matter.
Faustina, tell him. - No.

You took her when she was still
a child and now she's ashamed.

- What have you done? - You did
something to her. - What have I done?

- Don't pretend not to understand,
she is pregnant. - Oh! And who's the father?

- Mr. Marquis!
- Am I the one? - Of course.

- Look me in the eye,
did I get you pregnant? - Yes.

She never goes out, she doesn't know
anybody, she never sees anybody.

- She has seen you and you...
- But how long haven't I gone to see her?

- More than two months.
- And she's had a delay for two months.

- Two months, huh? - Yes.
- But no one can know it for sure...

A CLOCK STRIKES

Hush please.

- What time is it? - 6 p.m.. - Then
why has it struck three times?

It has to be the secret calling
of the Pope, nobody has to know it.

He's summoning the Papal guards,
there has to be an important reason.

We will speak about this
"thing" that has to be born later.

I have more important things
to do at the moment.

- Megera, don't come here anymore.
- See how he's treating us?

After the suppression
of the religious Orders,

the breakup of the Sacred College

and finally, after the infamous decree
usurping the temporal power of the Popes

annexing the Papal States
to the empire of France,

the Pope has decided
to excommunicate

Napoleon,
his invading subjects

- and those who take part in
their infamies. - Fair enough.

Holiness, don't be deceived,
there will be retaliations,

perhaps also against
your sacred person.

We know it.

My dear and true friends,

there's just a little of you left
because of arrests, imprisonment and exile.

And to you, who are few, helpless
and perhaps also inadequate,

I have to commit, not the salvation of
my person, which doesn't matter to me,

but the dignity and the honour
of the Church of Christ that I represent.

You're going to take turns

and guard the Quirinale nonstop.

Each one of you will be
in command and responsible for that.

- Are you ready?
- (Together) Yes!

Prince Marcello of Valmontone.

Are you ready to defend the Saint
Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff

- up to the extreme
sacrifice, if necessary? - I am.

Duke Valerio Lanciani De Ninfa.

Are you ready to defend the Saint
Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff

- up to the extreme
sacrifice, if necessary? - I am.

Prince Gaspare Della Quercia.

Are you ready to defend the Saint
Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff

- up to the extreme
sacrifice, if necessary? - I am.

Marquis Onofrio del Grillo.

Are you ready...

Are you also ready to defend the Saint
Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff

- up to the extreme
sacrifice, if necessary? - If necessary!

- Yes!
- I don't trust you.

Let's have the Swiss measure
as he's precise.

When my frog jumps,
there is no hope left for anybody.

- Be good otherwise you'll thread on it.
- But you what are you doing here?

- I am checking. - But weren't
you guarding the boundaries?

Yes, but I've bet three "paoli"
on the yellow frog.

- You should check on the French,
instead of frogs. - Which French?

- Nothing's happened for a week.
- But we can't get distracted,

- even if the turn is over tomorrow.
- Mr. Marquis, it's your turn.

- No, I'll jump last.
- Make room!

KNOCKING

- Quick, someone's knocking on the door!
- He's concentrating.

- Make room. - This frog
is lame, look how it walks.

Look!

- Who's that?
00:58:27,355
- Tell me the password. 00:58:31,194
Who jumps happily lives well.

- Where is the Marquis?
- He's making the frogs jump.

Mr. Marquis!

Don't disappoint me, I promise I'll kiss you
and you'll become a princess.

- Mr. Marquis...
- My little frog... What do you want?

- In Via del Panico another frog
is about to jump. - Really?

Swiss, measure well.
"Achtung"!

- I have caught her, Mr. Marquis.
- Faustina, right?

- With whom? - With a dark and curly guy,
maybe 20 years old.

He climbed over the wall
and entered Faustina's house.

- He did, huh?
- I have caught him at last.

- If you want to unmask them,
we have to hurry. - I can't!

I cannot leave the garrison,
we'll go there another day.

But, when your turn is over
he'll stop going there.

- Darn! What do you think?
- "If you scratch your brow, horns will grow".

Have you just made up
this proverb? Chief, come here!

- The yellow frog won.
- What the hell are you saying?

I have to go away for half an hour,
go to get my mantle.

- Riccio', let's go.
- (RICCIOTTO) Open the door.

- I knew it. - I don't even think
it's the first time. - Don't you?

- He seems very confident.
- Go guard the back door.

The hell with you!

- (ANITA) Who is it?
- It's me, Onofrio Del Grillo.

- Marquis, what brought you
here? - May I? - What a surprise!

- Don't you want to let me in? - Please,
this is your house. - Good, you know it.

- Why did you come at this hour?
- I can come any time.

Faustina is sleeping, but weren't
you guarding the Quirinale?

You knew it, didn't you? But I am
the commander and take decisions,

so I've put a soldier in my place
and have come to see Faustina.

To have sex with a pregnant woman
is a deadly sin.

But I have the Papal dispensation.
Make room, let me in.

Here she is!

Faustina, here you are.
But why is the bed stripped?

- You are also naked.
- Perhaps she had a nightmare.

Really?

Maybe she dreamt
that I was coming.

What's that?
What do we have here?

- What's this?
- I don't know.

- These are man pants, Why are they
here? Whose pants are they? - I don't know!

- Whose pants are they? - They are my son's,
he is serving in the French army.

- I use them as a cloth.
- I understand.

And that?

Whose shoe is it?

- It's mine. - Then try it.
- Alright, a man's here.

- You've finally admitted it, who is it?
- It's my man.

- Whose?
- Mine! - No!

Forgive me if I let him come here,
but there's still blood in my veins.

You may have the blood in the veins,
but he has a strong stomach!

- I want to see this phenomenon.
- No, Excellence!

What have you got to do with it?
That's your mother's man.

Where is he? Show him up.
I am curious to meet him.

So there's still
blood in your veins.

I have been a widow for many years
and I was tired of being alone.

- I want to meet him. - Be
good. - Come out, Show up!

- What's his name?
- Marcuccio.

Marcuccio, where are you?

He's here, Mr. Marquis.

Oh, he's here.

Marcuccio!

Marcuccio, where are you?
Are you hiding in the tub? Come out.

Don't be afraid, why are you hiding?

You're handsome.

- He's a handsome young lad indeed.
- Don't hurt him, I love him.

- He's my love.
- (ONOFRIO) Of course.

- It's always nice to see
two people in love. - Kiss me!

And so, Marcuccio, you're
this old woman's lover?

- Yes, but don't hurt him.
- Faustina!

- Did you know about mother
and Marcuccio? - I think so.

I still can't believe it,
but if he's really your lover,

- show me how you make love.
- With whom? - With your woman.

- How? - Why are you asking me?
That's your problem.

- You were making it earlier, let's go.
- Where? - In your alcove.

However I don't get it, you got
undressed in the daughter�s room

in order to screw
in the mother's room.

Come on, get naked!

Show me your hidden beauties.

- Marcuccio, how was
this great love born? - Mother, no!

- I do it for you, because
he doesn't believe me. - I'm disgusted!

What are you doing? Are you watching?
She's your mother, show some respect.

What are you doing here?
Go to your room, I'll stay here.

Hurry up, get naked.

Can't you see that your love is quivering?

Here, look at her!

Marcuccio, show me.

Show me your great love.

Come on!
Show me how you make it.

Give me 5 of it.

KNOCKING

- Go get it, it's Mr.
Marquis. - Who came third?

- (Together) I did!
- Three of you came third?

(IN FRENCH) Surrender!
Quick!

Surrender!

Holiness, the French have gotten
into the building from the courtyard.

Who's in command?

- He's out, "est sorti un moment".
- Where's the apartment of the Pope?

Eminence, they're coming
to your sacred rooms.

But nobody fought them?
Nobody offered resistance to them?

- Who was in charge of the guard?
- Marquis Del Grillo.

At least they weren't hurt.

"Procedemus" in peace.

THEY SPEAK IN FRENCH

Holiness, my assignment
is very unpleasant and painful,

but I have sworn
to be loyal to my Emperor,

and I must obey his orders.

In the name of Napoleon, I summon you
to renounce the sovereignty over Rome

and over the Papal State.

We cannot, we don't have to,
we don't want to.

Then I have to take Your Holiness
to General Mionly

who will let you know
about your destination.

Enough, Marquis. Kill me if you want,
but I can't make it.

- You were just about to.
- (FAUSTINA) Open up!

You said that it was a great love
and now you don't love each other anymore?

I can't do it in front of everybody
and with a sword held to my butt!

- (FAUSTINA) Enough! - Can you hear her?
- (FAUSTINA) Marcuccio is my man!

Come in.

We've been in love
since we were children.

And you get dressed!

The part that you have played is absurd.

Now if you want,
you can take revenge, Excellence.

I have already taken revenge,
I've enjoyed myself a lot!

Faustina, you'd rather tell me: "Mr.
Marquis, you're growing old".

"I have come with you because
you're rich, perhaps also nice."

"But I have a boy of my same age
who has made me pregnant".

"We want to get married,
give me a dowry".

But this way, your child
would be taken as a bastard

- and me as a jerk.
- So you won't give us the dowry anymore?

The dowry?
I'll send both of you in prison!

You ugly cheats!
And impudent too!

The dowry...

Alright, when you baptize the
child, call me. I'll be the godfather.

- Thanks, Excellence.
We'll call him Onofrio. - Excellence.

(BELLS RING)
- What's happening?

Marquis!

- What happened?
- The Pope was kidnapped!

Madonna! Riccio', is it true?

- Yes, the French took him away.
- (ONOFRIO) Come upstairs!

Damn it, what am I going to do now?
It was my turn of watch! It's your fault

- if the Pope was kidnapped. - Our fault?
- Of course, but they'll think I'm a traitor!

- Hit him. - But you had
forgiven us. - That's for a different reason.

- Hit him in the nose.
- Marcuccio! - Did you hit the nose?

- What has he done? - Let me see.
Good, you are good. - Aaahh!

Mr. Marquis, don't hurt him.

Some more... Here.

- Be good.
- What are you doing, Marquis?

- Do I look wounded?
- You do.

Now take me home.

Mother, I've done done my duty, I have
given my blood for the Holy Father!

Today, May 17th 1809, we, Napoleon
emperor of France and king of Italy

take possession
of the Papal State.

We are putting an extraordinary
Council in charge

of the passing of powers
from the Papal government

to the imperial government of France.

- It's true, then, there are real women.
- They're letting the women sing!

- They cannot sing better than us.
- Females don't have a treble voice.

- We're the only ones who do.
(TRILL)

- Let's show them.
- Let's go get a box.

AN ORCHESTRA PLAYS

MAN SINGS IN FRENCH

Drop the wine, from the waves
a new goddess was born.

SPEAKS FRENCH

But you French,
with all these novelties,

the restoration of monuments,
the real women who play,

- do you think you're rendering
a service to Rome? - Of course.

Rome will be the second city
of the empire, a modern city.

This way you'll destroy it, the facet
of Rome was built through millennia,

- by its kings, by its Popes...
- Its brigands, its idleness...

- Rome is beautiful the way it is.
- You are painters, literate...

- But let's consider the past.
- There aren't true artists here.

- What? - Name a true artist.
- Come to see my show.

But if someone takes away the sheep
and the aqueduct,

and a half-naked young boy
with a flute, you're ruined.

Then you get mad at the French
thinking they bereave you of the inspiration.

But the truth is
you have nothing to say.

MAN SINGS IN FRENCH

INDISTINCT VOICES

Look how pissed off
the castrated are.

You're full of shit!

But where are these famous women?
I only see men.

The fat and the dirty one
hanging up there... Is that all?

THEY SING IN FRENCH

Is that a castrated?

- Castrated? That's a woman
and she's beautiful too! - I see that.

CRIES OF DISAPPROVAL

SPEAKS FRENCH

De Guigny, let's get closer,
I want to see her well.

- Back to the brothel!
- Go away!

How disgusting!
Her breasts show up!

SHE SINGS FRENCH

TRILLS

I would like to invite
both of you for lunch.

THEY SING IN FRENCH

TRILLS

Go home!

What matters is
for you to be repented.

- Whose dishes are those?
- Mr. Marquis is bringing in two guests.

- Who? - Ricciotto has told me
that they are two French gentlemen.

French?

That's Rome, dear Olimpia.

but we aren't all as impolite
as the hot heads at the theatre.

- Are we, De Guigny?
- Of course not.

Come, make yourselves comfortable.

Where's everyone?
Where's the family?

The Marquise is being served
in her room because she's ill.

Miss Genuflessa
is staying with her to keep her company.

The Count your uncle has gone
to the sanctuary of the Divine Love

with a picture
of Virgin Quartina.

and as for don Sabino,
this is his fasting day.

- I have understood. - I have understood too,
and I assure you that it doesn't matter.

There's nothing to understand,
there has to be a mishap, wait.

Mother, you can't fail to attend
lunch with my friends.

Where has the class
of the Del Grillos gone?

- Is this the way of treating
our guests? - The French are invaders,

and you should know it
better than all,

because the night
when our Pope was abducted,

I saw you get in
covered with blood

that you shed in order to defend him.

I did my best.

The Del Grillos are gentlemen,

therefore they don't eat
at the same table as plebeians.

Be careful, those unbelievers
that you consider your friends,

dared lay their hands
on the sacred person of the Pope.

- therefore they were all excommunicated.
- Mother, the Middle Ages are over.

The Church, the Papacy and us all
are over.

The French that you despise
have brought a gust of new air.

We don't need new air

and the windows of this building
will stay shut

- until the Pope returns.
- Then you'll spend the rest of your life in the dark.

The future is in the hands of the French
and in those of Napoleon.

No, our future
is in the hands of the Lord,

and sooner or later someone
will kick Napoleon's butt.

And remember that
"When a Pope dies, a new one comes."

I know, but I don't have another
French woman therefore I'll keep this one.

Peel me that apple!

- Olimpia, where's De Guigny?
- He saw you uneasy and...

- Why? Has he left?
- Yes.

- Did he get offended?
- Maybe a little.

And you? Did you get offended?

I'm used to be ill-treated
by the Romans.

- Shall I serve?
- No, we won't eat here.

We always eat
the same things in this house.

I want to take you to some picturesque
place, where you'll eat very well.

Ricciotto!

- Come. - Yes, Mr. Marquis.
- I want to go out with Olimpia.

We need to change,
find something sober.

Let's go, we're going to have a good time.
You can eat this shit.

Thanks, Mr. Marquis.

- Seven!
- Six!

- Five!
- Eight!

- But that's a game for children!
- For children? Look under the table.

It seems a game for children,

but if they get mad,
they'll stab each other to death.

- Gasperino your wife
is out, looking for you. - What?

My wife? And who's Gasperino?

He called me Gasperino.
Oh! Finally!

Wonderful!

- What's that?
- Rigatoni with "pajata".

- What's "pajata"?
- I'd rather not tell you.

Eat it first,
and then I'll tell you.

It's a typical dish of the Roman
cuisine. How does it taste?

- Where is he?
- Mother!

- You drunkard, go home!
- The hell with you!

- Wasn't that enough for you? - But who is she?
- Now you also go with bitches?

- What the fuck do you want?
- He feeds a bitch and not his daughter.

- Go to hell! Who are you?
- Give me a knife!

- No, mother! - But what does
she want from me? Who is she?

- Are you crazy? Not in my inn!
- I don't know her!

One is eating with a lady in a restaurant,
and then a crazy woman arrives.

That's Rome.

But I'll be back, I'll call my brother,
my father and be back.

- They�ll eat that bitch and you alive!
- You're crazy!

- Have you heard that scoundrel?
- Go away too, I don't want problems.

I don't as well, I'll leave immediately.
Here you are.

- Olimpia, let's go before the crazy one
returns. - How about this? - That's shit.

- You mean it's bad?
- No, it's really calf shit...

...its guts. You wanted to know
what it was! That's shit.

- What does "bitch" mean?
- It means "putain".

- That woman called me "bitch".
- Why, aren't you a "putain"?

- A little.
- She noticed immediately.

- What's happening? - An execution!
- Where? - In Riva Grande.

- Did you hear? - What has he said?
- Want to see an execution?

- Yes, mother used to tell me
of the revolution. - She likes it.

- She always went there,
but I was too small. - Let's go then.

You have you the guillotine too.

It's a gift that we got from the French.

We used the axe before.

- How horrible! That's Barbaric!
- Sure, it's Barbaric.

That's more modern, the convicts
are more comfortable there under.

- Here he comes! - Son of a bitch,
you've asked for it!

To death!

Feel my heart beat.

Does it?

Are you excited?

- Me too. - For the show?
- No, for the hand.

Unhood me!

- The crazy priest!
- And give me my hat back.

But that's don Bastiano.
He was caught.

Do you know him? Who is he?

A friend of mine.

I'll tell you again.
You're still in time, son.

Go away!

The convict is refusing the Sacraments!

- He's a son of a bitch!
- I'm not refusing anything!

I'll give myself the Sacraments.

I was consecrated priest
and I'll be a priest till I die.

And you, bunch of cowardly sheep,

always ready to kneel
in front of the powerful,

now kneel in front of someone
who'll never bow,

but in front of this thing.

Come on, kneel down!

And make the sign of the cross.

Hey!

And remember that also our Lord
Jesus Christ died like a dog,

on the gibbet that then became
the symbol of redemption.

Kneel down! All of you!

And cross yourselves. Come on!

And now I can forgive
those who hurt me too.

"In primis", the Pope
who thinks he owns the sky.

"In secundis", Napoleon,
who thinks he owns the earth.

And in the end, the executioner,
who thinks he owns death.

But above all I can forgive you all,
my children,

who don't own a shit!

- Good!
(CRIES OF APPROVAL)

- Down with the noble!
- Good!

And now, executioner,
send me to the other world,

to that almighty God that is the
true owner of the sky and the earth,

to whom, instead of the other
cheek, I'm offering my whole head!

I'll give you the signal.

Hey! My hat!

It has to fall with my head
and not by itself.

The hat!

Are you ready?

Go!

CRIES

- Here!
- Here! - Here!

- But what have I done?
- Sorry.

I wanted to teach you one of the
most ancient customs of the Roman people.

On days like today, fathers
slap their children

so they'll remember
how a brigand ends.

- And I think you'll remember it too.
- Maybe. - Won't you?

Let's go forget about it.

- What did the ancient Romans do here?
- Everything, we're at the Foro.

Business, markets, culture, courts,

down there is the Temple of the vestals,
and then diviners, senators, bitches...

By the way,
where you would like to have sex?

on the altar of Caesar,
in the Temple of Castor and Pollex,

- or under the Arch of Constantine?
- Castor and Pollex. - Then...

it's should be right there
unless someone has taken it away.

GROWL

Wait, who's growling?

- What are you doing?
- Be good! - What do you want?

- Hey!
- You want to steal my sheep?

Go away!

Exaggerated!
All this for a fistful of sheep!

Olimpia! Olimpia!
Where have you gone?

This yokel has made my day.
Fuck off!

- Olimpia, did you get scared?
- Yes, a lot. - Let's go away from here.

- Onofrio! - What? - Pee!
- It's because of fear, pee where you want.

Everything is a urinal here.

Take your time, Olimpia.

MAN SNORES

Onofrio, what are you doing?

(ONOFRIO) I'm here, don't be afraid.

- Onofrio!
- (ONOFRIO) Olimpia, are you done? - Come here!

- What's wrong? Is there another dog?
- No.

- Who is this?
- That's you. - Is it me?

- Is it me? - Yes.
- No, that's not me, but could also be me.

You know who he is? He's Gasperino.

- His wife looked for him at the inn
and took me for him. - I remember.

He's drunk rotten!
Gasperino, if your wife gets you...

I wouldn't like to be in your place
when you return home.

Hey!

Why are you laughing?

- I'll take him to my house.
- Your house? - Let me work.

Riccio', come here!

(RICCIOTTO) He has to be a
coalman, look at that water.

Turn him around, lift him.
come on!

- Quiet, or he'll wake up.
- He won't, he's too drunk...

- I can't make his fingernails any
cleaner. - They're alright.

Mine aren't too clean as well.

But his nose is red, whiten it.

Some perfume...
Come on, put him under.

Here! All perfumed!

How handsome he is!

I wish I could be here
when he wakes up,

and when my mother sees him...

- Ricciotto, you'll tell me everything tomorrow.
- I will.

- Please, don't ruin this masterpiece.
- Don't worry.

- Don't worry, I'll treat him as if he were you.
- Softly!

However, you know where to find me
if you need me. Olimpia, let's go.

See you Marquis!

GASPERINO SNORES

He's awake!

< NOISE OF TOOLS

- Good morning, Mr. Marquis.
- Good day, Excellence.

Have you slept well, Mr. Marquis?

Hey!

What's this place?

- Where am I?
- In your palace.

In my palace?
What the hell are you saying?

"In your palace, Mr. Marquis"?
I'm Gasperino the coalman.

- What's that? - Is this one of your jokes?
Do you think of them while sleeping?

What happened last night?
You're the ones who made me a joke!

Make room. But where the hell am I?

Who's that? A rag doll?

Oh!

- Who is it? Is it me?
- Mr. Marquis!

I am all perfumed!

My goodness, what happened?
Where am I?

Why am I here?
Maybe I'm dreaming?

Mr. Marquis, you always say
"don't carry the joke too far".

- Who are you?
- I'm Ricciotto.

And they are Augusto, Ferdinando
and Mariuccia, at your service for years.

I don't know you, goddam you!
What do you want from me?

- Don Sabino! - Oh! Who is it?
- Tell him who he is.

- Who? - Mr. Marquis.
- That's Mr. Marquis.

- Good morning, Mr. Marquis.
- Are you a priest? Goddam...

- Maybe I'm dead!
- But Mr. Marquis... - Enough!

You've have broken my balls!
I'm gonna beat you all!

Don Sabino, call Monsignor
Terenzio! You, help me!

Goddam you! What d'you wanna do to me?
What do you want from me?

- What are you doing? - He thinks he's
a coalman. - It has to be a joke.

- If he doesn't calm down, we'll have to call
those at the Lungara's. - No!

- Those with the straight-jacket.
- No, what the fuck are you saying?

I am not crazy. I screamed because
I wanted to know what had happened to me!

- Rag doll, can a crazy person be so calm?
- I wouldn't know. - "I wouldn't know", he says.

- Excellence, I can be drunk, but...
- I am your uncle Terenzio!

- You're my uncle? I've never
seen you before. - We heard a screaming.

- Who's that? - Don Sabino, go get a lot of
blessed water. - What a knockout!

- Good morning, Onofrio. - Now my name's Onofrio...
- What happened? - I don't know.

- Are you a relative of mine?
- What are you saying? - I don't know!

Everyone calls me Marquis,
the Monsignor says he's my uncle...

You are a knockout, help me please.

I don't understand...

I remember I went out
of the inn to piss,

Then I leaned on to a column
and I woke up here.

But what I am doing here?
Who has brought me here?

- You are not crazy, you are possessed.
- Am I?

Yes. The restless soul of a dead
coalman entered your body.

Stop saying I am dead, or
I'll touch my own balls for good luck!

And it's also a rather vulgar soul.

Who is it?

- Who's that?
- That's you, Mr. Marquis!

That's me?

Wow!

- My God! - We need to exorcize him
with the help of blessed Quartina.

SPEAKS LATlN

Come out! Come out,
lost soul! Get back!

Leave my nephew alone,
damned soul!

We are stronger! You are harmless against
the Cross and blessed Quartina!

Get back, soul of a coalman!
Leave the body of the Marquis!

Go away! Coalman,
damn you, want to go away?

Leave the body of the Marquis,
ugly coalman! Leave him alone!

- No?
- Have you gone away, coalman?

Have returned to purgatory?

- Onofrio, how are you?
How do you feel? - How I feel?

- Are you back, Marquis?
- Yes, I'm back.

(IN LATIN) God be praised!
Thanks, blessed Quartina.

Yes, but I want to go home
to my wife and daughter!

Excuse me, a Marquis
can't go out in shirt and afoot.

- A Marquis can't go out like that.
- I'll go get the carriage.

- Which horses do you prefer?
- Which horses I...

- A white one and a black one,
like the wine! - Ready!

I'll ride!
Fatty, where are you going? Wait!

By carriage?

Olimpia,
if you didn't have to go to Paris,

I'd take you to a good restaurant.

You know that it's not possible,
they are waiting for me at the theatre.

Yes, but you also have to eat.

you would remember it for life.

- When are you going to leave?
- Very soon.

The tour isn't going well, the performances
are going even worse than the premi�re.

We're having a meeting
to make a decision.

I hope to leave at once,
even today.

Thanks!

You always tell me...

"You're magnifique, sympatique, I'd like
to spend my life with you... "

- And then you want to leave?
- Why don't you come with me?

- Where? To the theatre?
- No, to Paris! - Paris?

You don't know what Paris is.
It's the life, it's the future.

- Will you help me?
- Of course, come here.

Marquis Del Grillo
is wasted here.

Olimpia, Marquis Del Grillo
is wasted everywhere.

< Mr. Marquis!
- Here he comes!

This is Ricciotto,
I want to know how it went.

- Riccio', how did it go?
- Mr. Marquis, it was so fun!

- Come upstairs and tell me.
- No, there is another obstacle!

He's in doubt! He wants to go
to see his shop!

- Where is the shop?
- In Via delle Cappelle 12.

Take him there in half an hour!

Olimpia, let me give you one last kiss.

But there's still time.
Why the last one?

Wait and you'll see.

Because, because...

I have to get dirty.

Go! Come on!

Mr. Marquis,
here is the shop.

So?

- What? - Did you get stuck?
- You're right. Sorry.

Can't you see the coalman with his wife
and daughter, in his place?

I see him with my wife
and daughter.

And if that's the coalman,
who are you? Huh?

- Who am I? I'm a Marquis...
- You are. So what?

So what? I'm so confused!

Let's go back to the palace,
the hell with the coalman!

- Well, I'll go out for a drink now.
- You what?

- I'm going out for a drink.
- Come here. - What?

- You'll go take the coal to the notary's.
- Alright, I will.

- Give me the coal. - Show me
your back... Turn around, drunkard!

Alright.

My job was over, but if you tell me
to take the coal to the notary's,

I'll do it.

Jesus, it's heavy!

- Where are you going?
- Huh?

- Where am I going?
- The notary's is that way! - I know!

You wanna tell me where the notary lives?
I know it's that way.

I was taking the longest path.
Stay calm!

Poor Gasperino,
that's why he drinks!

BELL RINGS

Mr. Marquis.
Hey, Mr. Marquis!

- What? What happened?
- Lunch's ready.

- Your mother is angry.
- My mother?

What are you saying?
My mother died ten years ago.

- Mr. Marquis!
- Aw! You meant the other one's mother.

- My mother the Marquise.
- Don't have her wait.

- She's already in a bad mood.
- Ready! I'm coming!

- Don't push me. Where's my mother?
- She is there. - Is that her? - Yes.

Wow!

Here I am, mother!
Who could recognize you?

You're so slim,
and as dark as a piece of coal!

Why are you taking these liberties?

I was greeting you,
not kicking your butt.

- Onofrio! - Sit down.
- Yes.

- I was told... - Hey, you wanna pull
the chair? You wanna play me a trick?

...but you better stop with
this joke of the coalman with me.

Yes, I thought I was
a coalman instead of a Marquis.

Maybe I was drunk.

What's that? A sweet?

(IN LATIN) In the name of the Father,
and the son and the Holy Spirit.

That's good!
Give me some of it, I like it.

Put it down!

- Enough, take it back.
- These plebeian demonstrations

are still a consequence
of the possession.

Blessed Quartina has already done
a lot, but it's still going to take some time.

Good! Wait, what are you doing?
Are you going away?

Put it down!
Leave the pitcher!

- Jesus, what's that shit?
- Truffle Sauce. - Is it?

- It stinks. You eat it!
- Tomorrow we'll exorcise him again.

He's still
half Marquis and half coalman.

BURPS

That was the coalman.

- 50 "paoli", Excellence.
- They're all mine?

Of course, Excellence.

I can put them in the purse
and use them as I want?

You're the master. That's the income
from the estate at the Parioli.

Unfortunately, the harvest
wasn't too good this year.

- You're the one who keeps the accounts?
- I am your humble administrator.

Show them to me. How much
do we spend in this house?

Why? Don't you trust me?

We've administered your family
for generations.

- My grandfather first, then my father
and now me. - Don't get offended.

For instance,
how much do we pay for the coal?

- The coal...
- Yes, how much do we pay for it?

- How much can we pay for it?
- How much?

- 7 "paoli" per quintal.
- And the charcoal? - 4 "paoli".

- And the brushwood?
- 5 per dozen.

- And the firewood? - That comes
from our woods, we sell it.

And how much do we make of it?

- 10 "paoli" per quintal.
- See what idiots we are?

We buy all at a taller price

and sell the firewood at half-price?
It was good for me to see the accounts.

If you cheat on this,
you'll cheat on everything.

Therefore you're a thief. You're all thieves,
you, your father and your grandfather

and I'll fire the three of you.

Wait. Before going away,
tell me something.

Do we produce the wine
that we had for lunch?

Yes sir, it comes from the vineyard
of the Mascherone.

How much of it do we have?

A lot of barrels of new one,
plus the old one in the bottles.

Where are all those barrels,
apart from your house?

- Downstairs, in the wine cellar. - Then I'll go
to the wine cellar and you can go to hell.

Ugly thief!

> STEPS

< GENUFLESSA SINGS

What, you want to screw?

BELL RINGS

Genuflessa.

Genuflessa!

Where were you?

- Why didn't you answer?
- I was busy.

- But how did you dress?
- As I like it.

- Don't talk to me like that!
- Don't you dare.

I'll tell Onofrio!

Now it's time for the rosary. We'll
discuss that later. Give me your arm.

Of course my son
has gone out tonight as well.

- He hasn't. I can call him at once if you wish.
- You can try, but he won't come.

I believe that tonight he will.

- This animistic crisis of his
is changing him for better. - It's true.

He stays in more often, and also
cares for the problems of the spirit.

Let's thank blessed Quartina.

BURPS

Let's go!

What are you doing? Shutting it?
Leave me alone!

- What the fuck! I have to finish
the Cesarese of '91. - Let's go!

But who are you? I am the master
of all the barrels!

You're fired too. Fuck off!

- You fuck off, drunkard!
- What? You're pushing the Marquis?

- Leave me alone! - Walk!
- I'll eat you a hand! - Ouch!

I am the master
of all the barrels...

.. and I'll drain them in spite of your
father, your grandfather and all the thieves

who drink my wine. I am the
Marquis, I�m the master of everything.

Here they are.

What happened?
I was in the cellar.

I was feeling so well,
I was having some wine of '91.

when he called me and told me
that the whole family was here.

What are you doing? Is this a meeting?
What are you debating?

- Take it.
- Is it a necklace?

- What are you doing? - What am I doing?
- You have to pray. Pray!

Pray? why? Someone's dead?

(IN LATIN) In the name of the Father,
and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

THEY PRAY IN LATIN

HE TALKS NONSENSE

HE TALKS NONSENSE

SNORES

Get out, all of you!

- He's drunk rotten.
- Onofrio!

Onofrio!

He's sick!
We have to take him to his room.

To my room! His room
is above the coalman's shop.

when this poor thing
doesn't sleep in the ditches.

- What were you trying to do?
- Nothing, it was just a caprice,

and I'm satisfied.

I have shown you that the French
are right, we're all the same.

(IN FRENCH) Equality.

In fact you kept this poor thing
of the coalman in the house...

...only because
I dressed him like a Marquis.

Mother, if you had given birth to the
coalman, it would have been the same.

Onofrio!

You said you preferred him to me, uncle,
but maybe all of you did.

- Therefore you can keep the coalman.
I'm leaving. - Where are you going?

To Paris. Mother, a man like me
is wasted here in Rome.

But you don't know how to do anything.

You have never done anything
in your life.

That's not little. Such qualities
are appreciated in Paris.

The saying "Savoir faire" was invented
by someone who has never done anything.

(IN FRENCH) That's Paris.
See? There's something I can do.

Now what?

What happened? Who are you?

Where am I?

Ugly daughter of a bitch!
Damn you!

You woke me up,
I was feeling so good!

I was inside a golden bed,
in a palace, served and revered.

- What are you saying, drunkard?
- Ugly malefic witch!

You have broken the spell!

I felt so good! I ate, I drank
and all the servants like you

bowed in front of me!

- You bow, ugly witch!
- Leave me alone!

- Aaahh! - Leave her alone, dad!
- No, I want to strangle her!

and then I'll also strangle you,
so you'll learn a lesson!

Be quiet
when the Marquis is sleeping!

I am the master
and commander here!

Are we home?
Is this my shop?

- Who is it?
- Here! - Yes, Mari'.

Wow!

Good morning, Gasperino!
See you at the inn tonight!

Riche', see you at the inn.

# My dear Olimpia,
dress up,

# 'cause this cricket of the Marquis
is always jumping.

# Who lives jokingly
and happily also jumps.

HE SINGS IN FRENCH

< Olimpia, get ready! I'm coming!

'Morning, Excellence.
Please come in.

Did you see a company
of French, men and women?

Yes, they passed by last Sunday.
A gang of crazy guys and bitches!

- It's them.
- Go, Riccio'. It's the right way.

This seems to me like a "fresh" corpse.
Come on! Let's get away from here.

- This, in case you want to take a nap,
Mr. Marquis. - Thanks, Riccio'.

You have brought the deckchair too...

Have you brought the whole palace?

- I would have brought all Rome.
- Really?

We have to go to Paris.
We're not even in Tuscany yet,

and you already want to return to Rome?

- I said it so to speak.
- Yes, but you said it.

SOMEONE SPEAKS FRENCH

What's happening?

- Peasant, where are they going?
- Home.

- But aren't they French?
- So what?

- They've been passing for a week,
they are plenty of them. - Really?

Hey! What are you doing?
We cannot stop here!

- Ricciotto!
- Yes, Mr. Marquis!

- Why the hell did we stop?
- The horses can't make it!

- Whip them! - But where is this France?
- What do you care? Whip them!

And you, turn the wheels!

What's that? Damn you, Riccio'!
What are you doing?

- The horses are missing!
- What the hell, Riccio'!

You're a dotard! You sleep,
snore, piss on my head...

...and let the horses run away... You've
tied them up badly. What shall we do now?

Those horses were more tired than us,
They can't be too far!

And so let's look for them!
You go that way and I'll go this way!

- Good morning. - Hello.
- Have you seen two horses?

- Yes, we're eating one of them right now.
- What the f... how do you eat horses?

- Grilled.
- Alright, but they weren't yours!

- Sir, we've walked from Russia
and we're very hungry. - Are you?

- But who are you? - Soldiers.
- We're not brigands.

- Soldiers of Napoleon's. - Napoleon
has lost the war. - Up his!

- Are you sure? - Yes, look how
Napoleon's troop has ended up.

- Napoleon is over! - In France
there came the Russian. - Where are you going?

- Frosinone. - Rome.
- Foggia. - Hey, give me some food.

One horse can't drag the carriage
but we could both ride it to Paris.

The horse stays here,
we have to eat it along the way.

- Of course, otherwise we can't go
to Rome. - Are we returning to Rome?

Why you want to go to France
to Louis XVlll? Pious Vll is better.

- Give me some of it.
- But it's horse meat!

So what? Everyone's eating it,
and moreover the horse is mine.

BELLS RING

Long live the Pope!

Long live the Pope!

- Long live the Pope!
- Long live Jesus and Mary!

- Long live the Marquise!
- Long live the Pope!

Long live the Marquise!

- Long live Marquise Del Grillo!
- Long live Jesus and Mary!

Quiet! Now all to the chapel
to thank our Lord

because our Pope is back.

(IN LATIN) In name of the Father,
and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

(Together) Amen!

Let's sing "Te Deum".

SOMEONE KNOCKS

Halt!

What are you doing here?
Where do you think you are?

Is Mr. Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo in,
please?

The Marquis is not in, he's out of town.

What do you want? Why
this break-in in my house?

- I am sorry, but I have an order
of arrest. - For my son?

What have you said? It's impossible.

"By order of the Cardinal Vicar
His Eminence Albani

Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo
shall be taken to the Castle

to answer for the crime
of abandonment of place and betrayal

in accomplishment with the invading
French troops."

- But what has Onofrio done?
- I know what. He's besmirched us all.

Take in the cloths
and shut all the windows again.

- Good evening everybody! - Gasperi'!
- Hey big head! - Have a seat.

- No, I'll sit there with some friends.
Big head, were you released? - Yes!

- Have a seat. - Cheers!
- Here, have some wine!

Gasperi',
I am really happy to see you again.

- Innkeeper, more wine.
- Cheers, my friends.

Gasperi', tell us something
of when you were Marquis.

- Are you making fun of me?
- No way! - Yes, you are.

No, Gigi has a vineyard in Velletri.
Tell him, as he knows nothing.

The hell with Velletri!
What vineyard are you speaking of?

My wine, from the vineyard
of the Mascherone, is good.

- That is not wine,
that is a dream. - It's a dream!

- Tell him about the palace.
- The palace...

That's a fairy-tale,
it's not a palace.

Tell him about the horses,
the carriages,

and that they brought you hot chocolate
in bed in the morning. Crazy stuff!

- See? You're making fun of me!
- No way!

You are, but that�s not funny at all!

- I'm not! - No, Gasperi'!
- I thought you were friends...

I am not crazy,
I saw you doing that sign.

- Mr. Marquis Del Grillo.
- Fuck you!

I recognised you at once this time,
Mr. Marquis.

- Are you talking to me? - Yes, I have
to take you to the Cardinal Vicar.

- Who, me?
- Yes, Mr. Marquis.

Say it again. Who am I?

You're Illustrious Mr. Marquis Del Grillo.
And this time I'm not mistaken.

Have you heard?

- Up yours! Where's the carriage?
- Out! - Let's go.

- What's that? - The list of
the contumacious and the arrested ones.

Next to every name
there is a proposal of punishment

- according to our criteria
of clemency. - Go ahead.

- "Don Livio Cerretani,
3 months in the fortress." - 2 months.

"Monsignor Dario Casiraghi,
one month of seclusion."

No, the poor thing is old!

"Donna Lucrezia Santobrandini and her
aunt Gerundia, 2 months of seclusion."

Very well! In observance
of silence and in prayer too!

- "Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo,
one year of confinement." - One year?

- Is it too much? - It is too little!
He deserves a tougher lesson.

- Your decision, Holiness.
- Let's condemn him to death.

But no nobleman has been sentenced
since Pope Sisto's times!

- And he's one of your favourite children.
- No way...

- Don't get me started, Cardinal.
- Shooting.

No, no, no!

Let's behead him.
He wanted justice? He'll have it!

However we're letting them
condemn an innocent.

We know that he won't pay
for Onofrio's misdeeds,

- but for his own. - Which ones?
- Which ones?

Shut up!
He played the master in our house.

- His death won't be enough.
- And then who dies?

Who cares? A coalman more,
a coalman less...

After all he'll certainly go to Heaven.

But where's the point? Onofrio will be
considered dead, but what when he returns?

Time cancels all, Camilla.

- Let's think of our safety first, and then we'll see.
- I'll shut up then.

- That's better.
- Let's sleep on it. - No.

I want to sleep well tonight.

Let's do as Nerone did. Ready?

Go!

Moor here.

- Father, who's going to be executed?
- Marquis Del Grillo.

- Who? - He asked for it, with all his jokes!
- What's he talking about?

Here he comes!

THEY PRAY IN LATIN

That's Gasperino!

- Marquis, it�s time.
- Here comes the Marquis.

I'm Gasperino the coalman.

I have a wife and a daughter,
and I love my family and the Pope.

But who are you? Punchinello?

Leave me, I'll go alone. I shovel
the coal all day

and in the evening I like
to drink with my friends.

I start with a drop
and I end up drinking a barrel!

How did they catch him? And why?

When I am drunk,
I don't understand a shit!

I feel like a balloon,
I take off the ground and I fly, fly, fly...

I fly and I see you walk like ants,

and I piss on your heads
from the sky.

- The Pope cannot want my head off.
- In fact he'll have his one off.

- Mr. Marquis, it's time.
- Be good, I am talking to my friends.

I've been dreaming
of being a Marquis for some time.

Everyone bows...

Marquis this and that...

He has always played in his life
and he's playing with death as well now.

Lucky him.

They say: "You're a Marquis".

- But you have arrested me!
- Mr. Marquis, it's time.

It's time to send this monk to hell!

- But what have I done?
He can�t be serious. - We'll see.

If the coalman is executed,
it means he was serious.

I was asked: "Mr. Marquis,
what's your last wish? "

"What's your last desire? "
No need to ask!

Bring me a bucket of wine
so I can get drunk!

- Is that true that they want my head?
- (Together) Yes!

They want Marquis Del Grillo's head,

but I am Gasperino the coalman.
But do as you wish!

- The head that you want is not mine.
- It's time. - Why the hell are you laughing?

You're all in a dream,
and I'm in a dream too.

- It's time. - Not again!
Well, it's time to go to sleep.

Hey, executioner! Where is he?

If I fall asleep, wake me up. I want
to see how I look without my head.

GASPERINO SNORES

- Enough! Wait...
- Stop!

Stop the execution!

I told you, it was a joke!

Have you seen? Also the Pope
plays tricks now. Dirty tricks.

"His Holiness Pious Pope VII,
in his great clemency,

grants the grace to the convict,
Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo,

and prevents him from being executed.
He also turns the death penalty

- into six months of spiritual retreat."
- Long live the Pope!

- Well done!
- Good!

Free the prisoner
and take him to his palace.

Hurray for the Pope!

Let's leave him
in front of his shop!

Let's go!

Here I come!

Hey! It's time?

Where am I?

What's this? Who are you?

Is it my shop?

- Hey! You woke me up!
- Don't you dare!

Honey!
Luckily you woke me up!

Come here! Where is she?
Come here, my beautiful daughter!

Let me kiss you!
You woke me up!

I was having such a nightmare...
I feel so good in my house!

I love the scent of coal!

I was a Marquis, then they wanted
to cut my head...

A monk, a son of a bitch,
kept saying: "It's time! "

Holiness, forgive me.

I have already forgiven you, Onofrio.

My joke will prevent you from making jokes forever.

- It will, Holiness.
- You were terrified, weren't you? - Not really.

- The head that they were about to cut
was not mine. - Wasn't that you? - No.

- And who was it?
- It was a poor coalman who looks like me.

Not again!

- "The world is a stairway".
- You'll cause my neckbone to break.

"When a Pope dies,
a new one comes."