All language subtitles for Avenue.5.S01E02.And.Then.Hes.Gonna.Shoot.Off.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-NTb

Karaoke tonight, Captain?

I only ever sing when I'm drunk,
so ask me again at 5:00 p.m.

- Mr. Judd.
- Does yoga burn a lot of calories?

Because we're losing profits in the
food court. Can they like, move more?

Let's go live to Avenue 5.

I see a warning light.

Whose dog is this?

What's your plan?

What is the matter
with you people?!

- Are you Australian?
- I'm English.

- What the fuck?
- I'm not a captain, either.

Are you an admiral?

Joe is
the real captain of the ship.

I've got some difficult news.

We won't get home
for three years.

What?

Hi!

Ladies... Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I know
that you have some questions,

and I will answer them.

Don't insult us!

What? I...
How was that insulting?

- We know what's going on.
- Yeah, we know.

We...
We hit a patch of choppy space.

Mission control said three years
to get home.

- I was in the room.
- She was in the room!

Yeah, you know what? Better if
one of us speaks, babe.

Yeah, look, that.
That is what I heard.

Okay...

- We're all gonna die in space!
- I'm gonna just get rid

of that, because
it does look a little bit stark.

This is Billie,
our chief engineer.

I'm now gonna pass over
the explanation baton to Billie.

Go ahead, just take it!

Okay. So...

- We were due to attempt...
- Can you speak up?

Uh... Yeah. Um...
So, we were due to attempt a...

- Hold it further from your face!
- You're popping there.

Okay, um, so the plan was
to use Titan's gravity

as an assist
to save propellant...

English, please.

Which one of those words
was not English, sir?

- Propellant.
- Propellant?

- Propellant's Eng...
- Just make it less, uh, technical.

It... You know.

Uh... So, um...
Saturn is a big, big planet,

um, with a big, big moon, Titan,
and we were gonna use...

- Titan's gravity as a propellant...
- Propellant again!

What the fuck
are you talking about?

Okay, I can't...

Hey, buddy, have some respect.

She might be a spanner spinner,

but there's no need
to patronize her.

You go ahead, kid.

Okay, you don't patronize me
by telling me

not to be patronized, okay?

It's just... it's hard to know
what you can say these days.

It's really not that hard.

Hello, hello! We are still
waiting for an explanation.

Okay, listen, so basically,
we have missed our turning.

Okay? So now we're stuck going
the long way around.

Is that simple enough
for you guys?

Or should I go and get some crayons...

draw this crap on the walls
for you. Maybe use diagrams,

- little pretty colors...
- Whoa!

Keep it real easy.
I mean, it...

Whoa, whoa, Billie,
I think that's enough jargon.

Uh... It's been a long day,

and, uh... Billie is naturally
quite brutal.

You are gonna shit these people
up if you're not careful.

I was holding back.

Listen, I...

I will answer your questions...

after the service
tomorrow morning.

One of our crew members passed,

and three other people
are on life support.

As soon as he's dispatched,
I will be asking questions.

That is super respectful
of you, ma'am.

All right.

Our work here is done.
Very poorly.

Ryan betrayed me

like a character
in a Shakespeare movie.

Why is he even here?

You transferred him
from Avenue 3.

Well, you should have had him
checked.

You told me not to check him,
just to get him.

- No, I didn't!
- Yes, you did!

Pull up the minutes
of the conversation.

You told me not to keep minutes.

Oh, how convenient for you.
You don't keep them anyway?

Not even for a memoir?

I'm sorry, I didn't think
the time you saw a screen grab

of a guy wearing a captain's hat
and said, "Let's get him,"

was memoir worthy.

I'm definitely gonna remember
this conversation

if that's any help legacy-wise.

Okay, I have Rav at the ready.

Rav, what are NASA saying?
Is NASA saying.

- Is it "is" or "are"?
- Is.

What is they saying?
No, that sounds all wrong.

I sound like an idiot.

Don't forget there's a delay.

- This... fucking delay.
- All right, should we just...

Shut all the holes in our head
and pass out?

- Sure, you go first.
- Okay, I don't know what your problem is,

but you need to solve it now
and focus.

- Just focus, bro.
- Hey!

You will have some respect
and you will know your place

in this organization.
What will you have?

- I will have some respect.
- And what will you know?

I will know... I'm sorry,

I've immediately forgotten
what you just said.

But I do need to discuss
Joe's funeral.

- What about it?
- We need the coffin.

Joe can have your coffin.

- My coffin?
- We take it everywhere we go.

You want me to die, Iris?
Is that it?

- No.
- Did you hesitate?

- No!
- Look.

- She did it again.
- She... Again.

I was inhaling.

Come on. That pregnant pause
was in its third trimester.

I think it'll be
a very good idea

to give Joe your coffin.
Good PR.

- Fine.
- Yes, we have meetings scheduled with NASA...

- I'm not talking!
- And other agencies,

but we will have to contribute
financially.

Contribute financially.
Oh, that's nice.

Now, it's a shakedown.
Well, how 'bout this, Rav.

You tell those assholes...
It is plural.

You tell them that I may not be
back tomorrow,

but I will return like
an angry Jesus,

raining down blood
and filth and terror

on all those who betrayed me!

Classic Jesus.

You mess with his money,
he fucks you right up.

Option one.

Modify Avenue 3, Lexington,
Broadway, send them out.

That would cost a fortune.

Take way too long.
Not an option.

Hang on.

Okay. Next option.

We leave them out there.

In...

- I can't... Is that important?
- No. No, no, it's not.

Go on, go on, go on.

Uh... In three years,
when they swing by Earth,

we send a fleet to grab
the survivors,

the remaining passengers.

That'd bankrupt
the Judd Corporation

like four times over.

Again, not an option.
Come on!

Do you remember
when the Pacific went toxic?

This is as big as that!

So, any more options?

- No.
- Okay. Well.

Just a coffee then. Thank you.

Joking. Not joking.
Coffee. Coffee.

God knows none of us expected
to be up here for three years,

but I can tell you this:

There is no team
I would rather have at my side.

So, let's get at it. Mads...

- trajectory calculations.
- We're flying safe, Captain.

Fly true.

Well, I've just mixed us
a cocktail

of "Keep calm
and suck my balls,"

because it's not gonna be
three years.

- Cyrus!
- Who are you

and what the hell
happened to your trousers?

Um... He's from another
section, and we're going back.

A section I don't know about where
the dress code is insolent casual?

Respectfully,
we don't have to go through all the things

that you don't know
about right now.

- We have three years.
- Actually, uh,

when we run it
through my own programs,

I get a much different result.

Six months extra journey time.
Max.

I really do not see how
you're getting six months.

You don't see it, because you
live in a world of straight lines,

and I'm all curves, baby.

This is Cyrus.
He's still bitter,

because I got
the NASA internship

and he didn't.

I didn't want it.
I think laterally.

I'm an improviser, a maverick.

- Also, musician.
- Failed.

He's a failed musician.

You've had some success here.
You sure about this? Six months?

I still need to run it
a few more times,

quadruple-check everything,
but...

You're way less annoying
than you were 30 seconds ago.

Feeling fancy?

Book in for formal night
at the restaurant.

Lobsters for everyone.

Unless you're allergic
to seafood,

- then you need to get away from the restaurant. Fast.
- Three years?

The kids will be three years
older in three years.

We got to get home.
We should try to escape.

- Yes!
- Yes! Wait, that's brilliant.

We can knot some bed sheets
together, and we can hit the airlock.

Frank has the same right
to speak as anyone.

- Yeah. Who said you could...
- You said it, babe. Well done.

Yeah, shut up, Frank,
and let yourself speak.

Hey, I have had enough
of your tall attitude

and your high mouth.

- Iris. Where's...
- "the boss"?

It's what Judd wants us
to call him now, apparently.

- "The boss."
- Conference room.

Oh, and he's donated his coffin
to Joe.

He knows it's a gift,
not a loan?

I think so.

Captain. I wish to engage.

You know what? Um... I need
to be anywhere else. So...

- You're good. Don't worry.
- Mrs. Kelly.

Okay, so. Tell me
what's going on here,

and be straight with me
'cause...

I have had enough bull-S
to fill a bathtub.

Just between you and me,

we may just be looking
at an extra...

Six days?

- No.
- No. Six weeks.

Months. Six months.

What... What...
What's that... What is that?

You should have just said
the words "six months."

You dangled six days at me,
and I got excited...

- I did not dangle...
- and you snatched it away.

Well, I corrected you instantly.

You corrected me very slowly,
if I may say so.

Potential lawsuits might include
loss of earnings,

mental distress...

They're not gonna sue the man
that owns the oxygen supply.

You wanna limit
the oxygen supply?

No. But look into it, but no.
But do.

We can't be defeatist.

A problem is just a solution
without a solution.

Oyez, oyez,
I bring good tidings.

Just been talking
to my favorite engineer,

brilliant mind, terrible knees.

He's been recalculating
and he says

there's a good chance
we'll be back in six months.

I am back in the game.
I make the rules. Come here.

We kill problems
like they're babies.

What?

Uh... Can I come in?

Well, that depends. This is
a designated good news area.

No downers, no frowners, missy.
You hear that?

I've been talking
with my NASA contact,

and he says he's working
on a solid plan.

I'm hearing five... six months.
Six months.

But you're hearing that
from Cyrus.

Cyrus, that's... Yes.
That's the chap.

Looks like a garden ornament,
but he's, uh... he's good.

He really exaggerates
his numbers.

He says he's had four
long-term relationships,

and that his band has been
downloaded 90 million times.

That's very impressive.

Let's see if he can play the bar
one night.

I need to hear the music first.
Most music is terrible.

- Hm.
- Okay, so needless to say,

I think we should
just verify that before...

How many women he's been with
or the other thing?

All of it. No one should say
anything about six months

outside of this room
until we have that verified.

Right. Yeah.
We should...

We should, uh... We should
definitely verify that.

- Right.
- You haven't told anyone

outside of this room, have you?

- Me? No.
- Oh.

No, it's just you and me
and the occupants

of this hollowed out
walnut tree.

Anyway. Regardless, it's my tree
and I say yes, we tell now.

We should put it out there.

You know how you make things
happen?

You find someone who'll say
it can happen,

and then you make them say it.

That's how they built
the pyramids.

Right. I never really bought
the whole slaves theory.

- Billie.
- Yeah.

We'll tell them
after the funeral.

Okay. Um... Sorry.

All right, so Susan says
that NASA can offer

both expertise and resources.

We can, but there is, of course,
the question of cost.

- Hi, by the way.
- Sorry, Alan.

- Okay. Hi.
- Sure, it's only money. Right?

Can't place a value
on human life. Legally.

Well, I know a man who would,
does, and will.

How much "only money"
we talking about?

Okay. This is the overall cost
to NASA...

- Okay.
- Which would have to be reimbursed.

Oh, um... It wants a password.

Oh, send it back. Here.

Just give me your password.

Fine, I will come to you.

We're planning
a joint space mission.

You won't share your password?

Let's just...

Mm.

- Right. Oh.
- Mother f...

Is... Is that the figure

or a phone number we call
to get the figure?

Rav booked us on this trip.
She did this.

Yeah, to save our marriage...

because you couldn't keep
your hungry beaver

from chomping on wood.
Thank you.

I wish your mouth was this dirty
when the lights were off.

She just wanted us to have
honeymoon number two.

People usually have sex
on their honeymoons. Not us.

Why don't we just use the time
to rekindle?

We are way beyond rekindling.

Doug,
my heart is not a barbecue!

I wouldn't say
we're "way" beyond anything.

Everybody is looking...
I'm so sorry.

- Things are a little...
- Toxic.

- Tricky. At the moment.
- Yeah, we can hear.

We're in the cabin next door.

And I'm underneath you.
I can hear you.

Yeah, but you have
super-sensitive hearing. So...

- Okay, Doug...
- I'm at the end of the corridor.

And I can hear them.

Well, you have
super-evil hearing.

- Get a life.
- Hey, guys.

If there's anything I can do
to help you escape

this fetid barf bag
you seem to be tied up in,

- then just let me know.
- Yeah, actually, maybe you can make

an appointment
for the counselor.

I would say yes,
but the counselor's booked up

- for a year solid. Today's been like.
- What?

Black Friday for emergency
mental health care.

Joe.

You inspired us all.

No matter how little expertise
or technical knowledge we had,

you made us feel like
we knew what we were doing.

And he... he did that
for every... everybody. I know.

There was no one like you, Joe.

And now...
there definitely isn't.

Farewell, old friend.

- Fly safe.
- Shh!

Your shift has ended.

Um...

That was weird.

I'm just a passenger
on the ship like all of you.

I know nothing of the day to day
goings on.

That has literally nothing to do
with Herman Judd.

Okay?

But if there are people
to blame, they shall be blamed.

I say that respectfully
and without hinting

at any personal liability.
I owe that...

to this great guy.

May he rest.

He runs a space travel company.
He knows nothing about space.

- He's a good speaker.
- I'm sorry, who are you?

You just embarrassed yourself.

Why? 'Cause I didn't recognize
the janitor?

So, uh, there may be
some more bad news,

or as I'm learning to call it,
news.

The casket is sprayed
solid gold, lead underneath,

and weighs over 800 pounds
without Joe in it,

- and Joe is a big guy.
- There's a man in there.

- This is not about numbers.
- I'm telling you, it's problematic.

Told you. All music is terrible.

And we will...
let the children boogie.

Thank you, Matt.

Sanji, our regular singer,
is, uh... is injured.

Uh... He's expected to make
a full recovery, so...

there's justice. Billie.

- It's a very heavy coffin.
- Please stop talking near me.

He's leaving us, Billie.

Why isn't he leaving us?

Well, I told you.

You didn't tell me
this was gonna happen.

Is this because of the weight?

The ship is so large that it has
its own gravitational pull.

That's a good thing, right?

I mean, nobody wants
a little wussy ship.

- What is he doing?
- Whatever it is, he needs to stop it.

He's orbiting us.

It's a lap of honor, right.
Then, he's gonna shoot off.

No, like the little guy
just said,

he will be orbiting us
again, and again, and again...

What?

Get him away from my ship!

Doesn't my coffin have rockets
or a self-destruct?

Why would your coffin
have a self-destruct?

So that nobody can plant incriminating
bodily fluids on my corpse.

Makes sense.

Joe is a moon. He'll pass by us
every hour or so.

Well, in a way, that's...
I don't wanna say "dependable,"

but, uh... I'm gonna go
with "macabre."

Uh...
What's the little rectangle?

What is that? What is that?

We understand that's
Mr. Judd's coffin.

How... How does that happen?

Is it... Is it a drill?
A coffin rehearsal?

Ah. Uh... Hello.

Is the screen frozen
or is he just not moving?

It's just the delay.

Zip your lips
and open your ears.

I'm gonna lay down
some big words.

We solved the issue on our own.

Back in six months, see?
I'm great.

Now I'm gonna eat
this protein ball

while I wait for your reply.

That can't be right, can it?

Suck on that, NASA!

"NASA" stands for...

"Not Anymore, Stupid Assholes!"

Oh.

Okay. Wow.

- He did not mean that.
- I have seen enough.

- This has been so useful. Door's over there.
- Okay.

- Let get that.
- Let's stay in touch.

Ladies and gentlemen,
could I have...

Could you gather around?

Could I have your attention,
please?

Oh, thank you.

Uh... Excuse me.
Everybody, listen up.

The captain has some news.

Yeah, you... you should
probably get down from there.

- Sturdy hands...
- Do you mind? I have a husband.

- Oh! Oh... I'm here.
- Well, shoot me for caring.

Okay, I just wanted
to let you know

that, uh, I've been running
a few options,

and we think we may have found
a faster way home.

- Is it less than six months?
- Yes, it is. -BAILEY: Oh!

No! No! No, no, no, no.

Wait, no.
It's less than three years.

It could be as little
as six months.

- Thanks, Matt.
- We already knew that.

- What?
- Yeah, I told a few people.

Who heard about this from her?

- Jesus.
- Okay, great.

And of those people,
how many of you love fudge?

Just thought it would be good to
think about something positive.

- Okay.
- Captain? Captain, can I...

The captain's a shithouse.

Just a quick word.
So, uh... bit of an update.

The three injured passengers,
no longer injured.

- At last, a bit of good news.
- No, no, no. Um... They're dead.

Probably should have led
with that, Billie.

Right.

Hey, you're not, uh...

getting into some escape pod,
are you?

Ma'am, if I had an escape pod,
I would put you in it.

And set
the fucking thing on fire.

- I'm not done with you yet.
- You are very done.

Six months?
Why can't we get six months?

There's more brains in this room
than a lifetime of sausages.

On it.
Also, the acceleration needs

to be realigned iteratively

or the gravity system
could fail again.

Just say "reset the gravity."

We don't need to make things
sounds cleverer than they are.

Of course, your highness.

Rav. Yes, I caught you out
on a different number.

What in the... Rav? Hello?

- God damn it!
- Do you want to try again?

Yes, but I need a new wrist.

Been a long day.

What say we, uh,
grab a drink, let our hair down?

I'm not impressed
by your space career.

Am I disturbing you?

My life is disturbance.

I... just needed a moment.

Not normally one for prayer.

That's not gonna change.

How'd it go telling the
passengers it was six months?

Uh... Not great.

They all called me a shithouse.

I'm not surprised.

Seems like we've both
been feeling it.

- If you ever need a shoulder to...
- Noted.

Well, maybe if I go first,
then...

- you know, it might help you...
- My grandfather got me.

The only person I felt
truly myself with, you know?

I was nine years old when he took
me rowing for the first time.

Just us,
out on the lake together,

peacefully in nature.

Then he had a heart attack
right in front of me and died.

I had to row back to shore
alone,

his lifeless body with me.

Oh, my God.

That...

That is terrible.
That is truly, truly awful.

This person I loved,
staring flatly at me...

All I wanted to do was scream
or cry, but I couldn't. I...

just had to keep rowing.

I had to say to myself,
"Pull through, Iris.

Pull through."

And now it's happening again.

Except this time, I'm not alone.

I'm with you.

Oh, no, wait.
That's not a uniform,

that's a costume because
you're not a real captain,

you giant, shitty fraud.

What's wrong? What's happened?
How bad is it?

Iris was...
uh, was in a rowing boat and...

I just rowed out
and rowed back again.

Hey.

Cool. So, coffins.

Are we sure that transparent

is really appropriate?

I think we passed
appropriate like three corpses ago.

I mean, they're light.

A compressed jet of air
will fire them out of orbit.

Unseemly, yet practical.

- Good job.
- Thanks.

How are you doing, Billie?

- Uh... I'm fine.
- Yeah?

'Cause you have gone above
and beyond.

It's not a problem. It's fine.

I'm happy to hear any concerns,
is what I'm saying.

Well, um...

- my concern is, uh, that...
- Uh-huh.

You have no skills as a captain

- beyond fuzzy charm...
- Right.

Which is already kind
of getting old.

- And, uh...
- Noted.

You can't seem to hold
the same accent,

which is kinda crazy.

- And, uh... Also...
- Right.

If you hand me the mic again
to talk to those passengers,

I will beat you over the head
with it,

and I will ram it down
your esophagus.

- She's not wrong.
- You.

You need to handle
Judd the business Sasquatch,

'cause otherwise,
he starts flinging his shit

and telling NASA
to go fuck themselves.

I mean, he is like... You know,
the best analogy I can think of

is he's like an idiot
in charge of a spaceship,

but that is not an analogy,
that is just a fact.

Wait... Wait a minute.
Judd said what to NASA?

He told NASA
that we don't need them.

Oh, shitting aunts!

Oh, this is...

- Where is he now?
- In the kitchen.

Is he? Oh, that's good.

Maybe he's climbing
into a freezer

and hoping to wait
the whole thing out.

He wants the menu to reflect
stress eating. It's a boom time.

Billie. Do you wanna...

It sucks that there are no foods
that begin with J.

- There are.
- Name one.

Jalapeño.

Not a proper J.

So, I hear that NASA extended
a hand and you shat in it.

You wanna just take me through
the thought process there?

'Cause that's sounds like
a bad idea.

It's a really bad idea.

I don't have any bad ideas
apart from hiring him.

I think if you put your brain
up against NASA's,

you come up a bit fucking short.

- Very short.
- First of all,

I have a much greater social
media presence than NASA does.

Second, don't you ever talk
to me like that again,

unless you do it
with proper English,

which is American.

I can't do this much longer.
I can't.

Well, you don't have to because
we're gonna be gone in six months.

What if we...

- Here we go.
- Slingshot around Joe's coffin?

Really?

Really?

Just stop suggesting things
you don't understand.

That's gonna be really hard
for me to do,

because I understand everything!
All things!

I'm the alpha and the beta!

I know... so much!

So much!

It's "omega."

Welcome. Not "welcome."
Less jaunty word than "welcome."

We are here to say goodbye
to three great friends.

Mary, Johann, and Mar...
Um... Another Mary.

Let us bid them au revoir.

Not that, I mean, uh...

Bon voyage.

In the name of all of us,

we do thus dispatch these
herein to...

the deep and who knows?

Who... knows?

Drop the coffin.

Great, keep me posted on that.
Gravity reset in one minute.

- Do Avenue 5 know?
- Uh...

- Space is a vacuum.
- Oh.

That means that a piano
falls at the same rate

as a feather or a baby girl.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this might seem like

we're just sending these bodies scrunched
up, dead in a box, out into space.

It might seem
random, pointless...

without redeeming value.

Goodbye.

You are getting confused
with gravity and mass.

They're the same.

No, they are not.
And you know how I know that?

Because they're two
different words.

Maybe... Maybe...
Maybe we just calm this down.

Maybe we ramp it the fuck up.

Oh, Christ, I hate space.

Mission control must have reset
the gravity.

Gravity reset in 30 seconds.

Fix that delay.

Oh, for fuck's sake!
I so hate gravity, too.

- Thank you.
- You wanna sing?

- No! All right, people. Details to me, please.
- Sorry.

I'm gonna go do a full inventory
of human damage.

Frank, speak up,
I can't hear you.

Zombies!

Zombies!

Okay, those aren't zombies.

Those are just the dismembered
corpses of our dead friends.

Oh, shit, an arm! An elbow!

Keep listing body parts,
that'll fix it.

A hand!

All right! No more will we
be treated like cattle

if anyone can remember them.

My grandfather ran
a dairy farm...

- Hey!
- Oh, really?

- There you go. You all right?
- Thank you.

I really thought we were
gonna turn a corner today,

but now we got Tutankhamen Joe
and three giant

fucking packed lunches
circling the ship.

Together, we start
to fight back!

Yes!

- Come on! Right?
- Eat the rich!

No, not that.
Come on, who's with me?

- Open a file on Karen Kelly.
- ALL Karen!

No, they're turning a corner.
A never-ending one.

We are black
belt ballsing this up right now.

Hey! How's it going?

Iris, come find me.
I'm in chickens.

Karen!

Fact
check how long dictatorships last

after the first bout
of chanting.

Also, ask Mission Control

what the fuck is going on
with the gravity.

Pull through, Iris.
Pull through.