Original subtitles

Love, love exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you in love.

Love is life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It flows.

Beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God to join this man and

this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony.

Emily, are you okay?

I just love weddings.

And this one just reminds me so much of mine and your father's.

Except for the roses, of course.

And the palm trees.

And the fact that we were married on the ship.

Well, come to think of it, it's not the same at all, is it?

How they love each other and we love each other is exactly the same.

Would you join hands, please?

Do you, Adam Bricker, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

For better, for worse?

For richer, for poorer?

In sickness and in health from this day forward?

I do.

And do you, Sherry Sullivan?

Take this man. I do.

Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

May kiss the bride.

Good morning, Mother.

No, I didn't pick up laryngitis on the plane.

No, you're not interrupting anything, Mother.

Unfortunately. Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I didn't mean to wake you. I just called

to see if you were having a good time.

Of course I am.

I'm with Boyd in San Juan, and it's our first family vacation in three years.

No, not family.

In order to have one of those... Somebody generally has to be married.

Will you stop?

I have a great job in an exciting city and a wonderful relationship.

I don't need a marriage license to prove that my life is terrific.

No, you don't, dear.

But it would make me the happiest mother in Kansas City if you did.

Of course, I realize that's not important, but... You know, this is a

great connection, Mother. You sound like you're just downstairs instead of 2,000

miles away.

Uh, yes, uh...

Well, have a lovely cruise, dear.

I've got to run now.

I love you. I love you too, dear. Bye-bye.

Okay, Manuel, put the pedal to the metal. We've got a lot of San Juan to

see before you drop me at the Island Princess.

A health and fitness cruise, Meryl. This is a great, wonderful idea.

Look at all this.

Maybe I'll finally figure out how to use all this stuff. As if you needed to. You

are a shameless flatterer. I like that in a husband.

I also like the idea of having experts on board who could help us with all this

hardware. And the right diet and the right exercise program.

Cute workout clothes.

Yes, an idea whose time has come. Can we see that sign on the other side, please?

Thanks to my two helpers here.

You know, if they hadn't come up with the concept...

Well and hired the entire ship shape staff as we might have been taking a

says you're on cooking cruise instead Sounds like we're hit. Oh, let's see

what the passengers have to say first Well, you know if I could end up with a

figure like that, I would sign up for every one of dr. Thomas's classes

Hey, it's not too late we can still go back to the yes it is and no we

can't don't you even think about getting off this ship you just got butterflies

about teaching all them classes

Get your mind on something else, like... like the fringe benefits a cruise ship

has to offer.

Isaac, did you get the supplies I asked you to get?

Isaac, did you hear me?

Dr. Thomas, hi. I'm Vicki Steuben.

Hi. How are you? Hi.

We're counting on you to teach us all a thing or two about getting ships shaped.

Oh, Vicki, this is my friend Doris Johnson.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Hi. I'm along to carry her books.

Would you like one?

Only if Dr.

Thomas would autograph it for me. Okay. Let me see. You are on the Baja deck,

cabin 105, which is through the lobby, and you take the elevators to the left.

All righty. Thanks a lot. Enjoy your cruise, and I'll see you later. Okay,

thanks. Bye-bye. Nice meeting you.

It's the Washington.

Yes, sir.

You're supposed to be checking the passengers in, not checking them out.

No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. He means he's sorry, sir.

Excuse me,

is this where we check in?

Doc,

Sherry, what is this? What about your honeymoon?

This is our honeymoon.

Sherry's never been on a cruise before, and I've never been on one where I

didn't have to work.

So the special medical team will take care of the diet program, and you two

will enjoy your cruise.

Perfect. Isn't he just the sweetest man?

Um, Doc, I don't have your name here. I wanted this to be a surprise to

everyone. Check under Mr.

and Mrs.

Ben Casey.

Ben Casey?

Oh, yeah, here it is.

Doc, that's funny.

I thought so.

I don't get it.

The TV doctor.

Yeah.

Ben Casey.

I'm a doctor. He's a doctor.

It's a series.

Must be an old one.

She's so young. So young.

Oh, my God.

What is it, darling? Come look in the gift shop. They have gifts. They have

things you can't get in L.A.

Oh, darling.

A honeymoon cruise through the Caribbean with the man I love.

Oh, you're too good to me. You're easy to be good to.

I love you, Boogie Bear.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

We're Mr. and Mrs.

Stephen Riskin.

Newlyweds. All eight hours.

How'd you get us?

Well, your husband just had this look in his eye.

Let's see, Mr. Riskin. Oh, yes, you're on the Aloha deck, cabin 226.

Right. Enjoy your cruise.

With a wife like this, who couldn't?

Julie, that couple that just checked in.

Oh, you know them? Not them, her.

She's my ex-wife.

Which one? You've had five.

Wife number two?

And Sherry thinks she's wife number one.

This is it.

Our own little palace of love.

Any old place would be a palace of love.

Let's take a look.

This way.

Enjoy.

Right this way, my darling, towards Seagoing Huckaway.

Oh, this is so exciting. Trust me, the excitement hasn't even begun.

Oh, sweetheart, are you okay? It's just a trick back, an old football injury.

Well, I didn't know you played football.

I didn't. I fell down the bleachers going for hot dogs and beer.

Uh, can I help you? I'm Ace Evans, the ship's person.

Uh, Darnell.

Mrs. Harriet Darnell.

Stevens. Yes, Mrs. Harriet Darnell Stevens.

It's probably under S.

Thanks for the hint. We'll be weighing anchor in 15 minutes.

All visitors ashore, please.

Okay.

Here we go. Let's see. You're in cabin 521 on the coral deck, Mrs. Stevens.

Enjoy your cruise.

Mrs. Stevens?

Hi.

Carol Darnell?

Darnell? Right.

You're not traveling with an aunt or something? A distant cousin, maybe?

If I am, it's news to me.

Why?

Just wondering.

Say, listen, can you tell us where the fiesta deck is? Yeah, fiesta deck. Okay.

Well, you just go through this door and down the stairs to the right. Great.

Hey, you're Boyd Hughes, the most valuable player in the National League.

Three years running.

Well, I'm selling real estate in San Francisco right now. A little easier on

the old elbow, you know? Yeah, I'll never forget the back-to-back shutouts

you pitched in Chicago.

I'm looking forward to picking up some training tips from you.

Thank you very much. You know, it's kind of nice to be brought out of mothballs,

even though it is for a week or so. Yeah.

We'll see you later. See ya.

That way.

Yeah.

Ship's cursor.

Here's to a very, very special relationship.

And here's to a very special man who I love very much.

happy 39th birthday uh uh wait wait just a minute not for five more days let's

just not rush me in the middle age any sooner than we have to okay besides

besides we have something more important to talk about

carol

after three years of uh unwedded bliss

I think that we are ready to, you know, kind of move on to the next plateau,

kind of expand our horizons. Oh, boy, that's wonderful.

Establish a more open relationship.

Open?

More open?

Look, look, look, honey, don't misunderstand me. I think that what we

have is terrific.

But I think that it could be even more... more terrific if we if we just

kind of you know spiced it up a little bit by seeing other people how can you

say that after three wonderful years together carol look look we we've got to

we've got to get some life back into our lives experiment we have a great life at

least i thought we did sweetheart honey is it so wrong that we want to make sure

that we're not just staying together out of habit i mean because it's on our

schedule huh On our schedule?

You want to see something that isn't on our schedule?

Watch!

So, Miss McCoy, how much notice would you need to pull together a wedding

reception?

Impromptu, but tasteful.

Well, that all depends.

Cruise ship weddings aren't usually spur-of-the-moment things.

But I'd be happy to talk to somebody.

Hold that thought.

Ladies and gentlemen, say hasta luego to San Juan as our ship-shaped cruise heads

for Martinique.

Another guava delight, Mr. Arnell.

What the ship-shaped cruise lacks in alcoholic content, we try to more than

make up for with creativity.

Oh, thanks, Isaac.

Okay.

I could use another cabin.

Something wrong with the one you were assigned?

Yes. There's a snake in it.

Mom?

What are you doing here?

I thought it was about time I saw that mystery man of yours.

His name is Boyd, Mother. After all, it is three years and none of us is getting

any younger. I sent you pictures.

I told you everything about him but his collar size.

If that wasn't enough, you could have just come to San Francisco and I

would... Oh, you know me, dear.

I would never intrude on your privacy.

You don't call this intruding?

Well, it wasn't supposed to be.

So... Where is the mystery man, Boyd, anyway?

Over there.

Any more questions?

Yes.

Uh, bartender, could we have another round of drinks here?

Doubles.

Dr. Thomas, I'm Isaac Washington. I attend the bar. I mean the

health juice bar.

All 35 natural flavors worth.

Sounds like we're in the same racket, Isaac Washington.

I'll be seeing you in my class.

If I can juggle my schedule.

Then I'll look forward to seeing your juggling act.

And I look forward to seeing your...

seminar on stress management its effects on cardiovascular flow and low density

lipoproteins that sort of thing um yeah that that sort of thing dr

thomas don't you think it's time to get started oh i've got to go

i don't know what i would do with outdoors i'll see you know

i'm really fascinated

by cardio protein flow and low density lipovascular you are can

i take my eyes off of them i i mean uh i read about them all the time they're my

specialty really well dr thomas is actually i could talk about them for

hours i think they're fascinating

Life is like falling off a bicycle.

Thank you, Mother. I'll remember that.

You know what I mean, dear?

You have to get back up on your feet under the tropical moon.

Find somebody else.

Hey, Fred, how about an orange juice, huh?

Now, this nice young man, Ace, isn't it? Yes, ma'am.

This is my daughter, Carol.

So, you two are related.

Small world, isn't it?

Ace, Carol and I thought you might like to join us for a drink.

Mother, please.

Oh, well, that's awfully nice, but... I just took sort of get acquainted glass.

Mother. Of Caribbean cheer.

Excuse me, I have an appointment.

It's her first time at sea.

I'm sure she'll be fine tomorrow.

Bartender.

Can I get you folks anything?

Yeah, a couple of margaritas, please, Isaac.

Coming right up. Oh, wait, wait, wait.

What'll it be for you?

Just kidding, just kidding. A margarita will be just fine, thanks, Isaac. Okay.

So, Angela,

you come on these cruises very often?

No, this is my first.

Mine, too.

You see, we have something in common already.

Oh, Boyd Hughes, training tip number six, never start a week at sea with a

sunburn. Uh-uh.

I think maybe we should do something about this.

What did you have in mind?

I've got some oil back in my cabin.

I'll bet you do.

And when the drinks come, go back there and get everything. Listen, sorry.

Maybe some other cruise.

And let me give you a little training tip.

Get yourself a new line.

Ciao.

This is harder than I remembered.

You saw me?

You know, I'm really looking forward to this.

The food on a health and fitness cruise has got to be spectacular.

Yeah, that's one way to describe it.

Well, what do you think?

I think I don't recognize anything on my plate.

This is arugula, jicama, alfalfa sprouts, bean sprouts, and pine nuts.

High in vitamins and minerals and low... In everything else.

Now, I thought you'd all want to sample the alternative menu that I cooked up

for the cruise.

Well, it certainly is different.

And the portions are small.

That's a good try, Emily. A very good try.

But what's the alternative to the alternative menu?

I tried.

Waiter.

From the Atlantic to the Pacific, may our honeymoon be terrific.

Oh, this is all so romantic.

Me, a girl who's never really traveled much outside of Oregon.

You, a man of the world who rhymes.

It's like something out of a movie.

An affair to remember.

Cary Grant and Deborah Carr.

Who?

I'm sorry, what movie were you referring to?

Rocky IV.

Sylvester Stallone and Talia Shire.

Ah.

Romance. Romance.

Sherry, what would you think about eating in our stateroom?

Well, we have the whole trip ahead for that, sweetheart.

Besides, I just love sitting here and watching people.

They're so fascinating, like that woman right there.

She looks so glamorous, so worldly, don't you think?

I love to make up stories about strangers.

I'll bet she's a woman with a past.

A past?

I'll bet she's left behind a trail of broken hearts.

And broken dishes.

Down, boy.

I think you need an appetizer.

All I need is you.

I'll sign you up for the gourmet tour right after dinner.

You know, I look at them and I see us.

What do you think of when you look at them, honey?

Pot roast.

What? I think I'll have the pot roast. It's good, it's ready, and we can be

finished and back in our cabin before anyone notices.

What are you talking about?

I don't know.

I mean, I really don't know. I mean, you got me so nervous. I'm like a kid. I'm

babbling. Look.

I'm babbling now.

Make me stop.

Oh, Adam.

I love the way you have such fun with life.

Too much to choose from. How can I possibly decide?

Maybe we should just stick to champagne. It seems to work for that couple.

Will you excuse me?

I have to powder something.

Where are you going?

Excuse me, just a minute, my darling. I forgot to tip the Mater D for this great

table. But we were assigned this table when we boarded. Then I'll tip the

purser. I'll be right back.

How could you do this to me? Me? How could I? How could you?

I'm on my honeymoon.

You are?

But she's so young.

And I suppose he's collecting Social Security.

Did you marry him or adopt him?

Stephen is an attorney.

Or he will be when he graduates.

He's still in school?

Law school?

Well, soon.

At the moment, he's a gymnast.

State champion three years in a row. What about Shirley Temple?

She's a professional woman. Oh, really?

Then what field?

Sherry's in the food services.

Let me guess, a waitress at Clown Burger.

An assistant manager.

Does she know you've been married before, let alone to me?

Not a clue.

What about the contortionist?

Gymnast. No, he doesn't know, and I would like to keep it that way.

Deal?

Deal.

You look good.

A lot of years.

Happy?

Ecstatic. You?

Delirious.

Ecstatic? Delirious.

That's not bad for two people whose life together was stormy and miserable.

I'm happy for you, Adam.

And I'm happy for you, Elaine.

Now please stay out of my way for the rest of the trip.

We'll take different seatings for meals.

You go early, we'll go late.

No, you go early.

I remember how hungry you get.

Thanks. And different decks for sunning.

We can do it. If we work this out right, we'll never have to see each other

again. As long as we live.

Good morning, ship-shaped cruisers.

Get a fresh start today working off those excess calories at our jogging

track on the Leo deck.

Okay, ten more laps.

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I

-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I

-I-I-I

-I-I-I

-

You feeling better today? Yes.

Good. Carol, please. Okay.

Look, I want to apologize for yesterday.

It's okay. I understand.

You do? Yeah, sure. Your mother explained everything.

She what?

It's all right. Sooner or later, something like that happens to

everybody.

Well, when was the last time it happened to you?

Oh, you'd be surprised.

Or at least I hope you would be.

Let's just say that working on a cruise ship isn't exactly great for lasting

relationships. Unless you're into seagulls.

No girl in every port.

But I sure could use one today.

I got a cable from some friends of the family with a place in Martinique.

They're sending a car to pick me up.

And I sure would hate to go alone.

Well, that sounds suspiciously like an invitation.

Why don't you call it a no-strings chance to test drive Martinique? You'll

have fun and you'll be helping out a deserving purser at the same time.

What do you say?

My good deed for the day?

Yeah.

I say yes.

Great. I'll meet you on the dock.

Okay.

Sorry I fell asleep so early last night. It must be the sea air.

That's all right. We have plenty of nights ahead of us.

And it was time I re-read the ship's manual anyway.

Here we are.

And the sun is just right.

Oh, the sun, the pool, the ship.

Everything is just right, Adam.

Isn't this just the best honeymoon ever?

Well, it's certainly right up there.

Of course, it's the only honeymoon we've ever had, right, sweetheart? Oh,

absolutely.

I've been waiting for you all my life.

You swim like a mermaid. Ah, sure.

Regular Esther Williams.

Who? You mean Daryl Hannah.

Who's me?

The other pool is yours. There are two.

Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that?

Do you two know each other? Yes, and this is just like her.

You two sound like an old married couple. An old divorced married couple.

Divorced?

You were married?

Well, you've done it now, Elaine.

You used to be Mrs. Him? It wasn't really like a marriage. It was more like

a prize fight. 365 rounds a year. That's right.

With no winner's purse.

Why didn't you tell me?

You thought I was perfect.

I still do.

A divorce doesn't change that. It only means she wasn't right for you, and I

am. Do you believe that? Do you really believe that? Because that's exactly the

way I feel.

How about you, darling?

Does it change the way you look at me?

It makes you a woman of mystery.

A woman with many secrets.

I could tell you a few of them, save you a lot of trouble.

Adam, I think this is wonderful.

It's like family.

Four of us all setting off on new adventures.

New lives together.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Out with the bad air.

I didn't mean that.

We know what you mean.

And you really don't mind?

It doesn't change anything?

No. Let's hear it for the 80s.

Modern romance.

She's really something, huh? You mean from a really physical perspective?

Well, yeah, that too.

But the woman who wrote that book is one terrific lady.

Well...

Welcome to the French West Indies. We're now docking at the Pearl of the

Antilles, Martinique.

The name means island of flowers, and hibiscus, anthurium, and orchids grow

wild in its tropical climate.

While we're here, shop Fort de France for French-made goods at island prices.

Sample Callaloo, a savory French Creole delicacy, along with fresh-caught local

seafood.

Or swim at the many black sand beaches that ring the sunny island.

But whatever you do, enjoy yourselves.

Oh, you make Martinique sound so wonderful.

Thank you.

Let's play hooky.

Let's go ashore and see the sights and pretend we're tourists for the day. You

know, that is such a good idea. I was just about to think of it myself.

Were you just about to think of packing a picnic lunch?

Oh, a loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and the sights of Martinique.

What have you got in there?

Steak sandwiches?

Seafood salad?

Black forest cake?

It is the perfect lunch for the health and fitness crews.

Cracked wheat crackers with soy paste.

Mineral water? Tofu on toast?

Sorry I asked.

Not a bad way to see Martinique, is it?

A private tour, a car and driver.

Lucky I have friends like you.

Lucky I have friends like the Johnsons.

So peaceful.

Yeah, it is.

This is the first time I've relaxed since... Well, I'm just glad you talked

to me in the coming along.

Glad enough to miss your plane?

I better be. Yeah, you better be.

it's beautiful sun has everything lakes waterfalls exotic birds

how did you do that oh it's a special talent and some peanuts

how did you know about the peanut part well i'm a closet naturalist field and

stream division that's how i got interested in photography oh yeah here

come on there we go

Come on over here.

Here we go. Come back just a little bit.

Okay, here we go.

Say cheese.

We're leaving the sights of Martinique behind us as we head for the island

where Dutch tradition and Caribbean beauty combine the best of both worlds.

Friendly, picturesque Aruba.

Dinner and dance.

If I didn't know better, I'd say this is a real date.

Well, after the wildlife tour this afternoon, it's the least I can do to

say thank you. Oh, thank you.

Great.

You two look wonderful together.

Ace, why don't you sit down and join us?

Oh, okay, sure, why not?

Good evening.

Hello. Isn't it nice to see everybody on the dance floor having a good time?

Yeah. Let's keep it that way. Right, Ace?

Right, Julie.

I think duty just called.

I'll see you later.

Good evening.

You make a perfect couple.

Everyone says so.

Everyone agrees with you when you say so.

And don't get any ideas. He's just a friend.

And that is enough right now.

Well, of course, dear.

And then, and then, this man is not your married t-shirt. He put ten

dollars in nickels in the drink box.

and play Cole Porter songs all night.

Cole Porter, is that a group?

Cole Porter, the composer.

Begin the beginning, you're the top. No,

no, no, that was Ken Cole.

How do you keep them all straight? It's easier today.

Sting, Sade, Prince.

I mean, you can't mix them up.

I certainly can.

She's got a point.

Well, it's been a great night, but Elaine needs her beauty sleep till

tomorrow. Good night.

Good night.

Elaine.

I'm sorry.

Old habits die hard.

Very old habits.

I guess it's just been on the ship with you again.

You were on this ship together?

Not since our honeymoon.

You honeymooned on this ship? Only the once. I'm sure neither of us have made a

habit of it. Good night, all.

Bye.

Oh, sweetheart.

This modern attitude of yours is really wonderful, darling.

Well, I'm glad to see that you've been reading the book. But the basic theory

explained in the book is that if you keep your pulse rate at 60 or 70% of the

average rate, then your body will start oxidizing its reserves.

Otherwise, no, you're not with that.

You know, you and Dr. Thomas speak a whole other language than guys like me.

Metabolic rates.

Polyunsaturated whatchamacallits.

I figure if we're going to communicate, I better learn your language.

I'd love to teach you, Isaac.

You would?

Well, that's great.

Oh, what are you doing? Before you ask what a nice girl like me is doing behind

a mound of paperwork like this, I told Ace I'd cover for him today.

Can you file these for me?

Uh, yeah, sure. Hey, listen, while I am filing and cross-referencing, would you

please take this down to Lost and Found for me?

Well, I'll do better than that. If there's an ID in it, I'll take it back

to the owner.

Let's see.

Uh-oh.

Well, I don't like the sound of that.

I don't like the looks of it.

Doris Johnson's picture on Dr. Thomas's driver's license.

Dr. Thomas. Hi, Julie.

Oh, you're looking for Dr. Thomas. I think she's still out on the Lido deck.

Oh, I think she's right here in her cabin.

Courtesy of the Lost and Found Department.

You figured it out all right.

Charlene Thomas, Ph.D., at your service.

And the woman I thought I hired?

Doris. She doesn't need a degree in nutrition.

She was born with that body.

So you two just traded places.

Why?

Would you take a fitness class from somebody who looked like the before

picture in a weight loss ad?

Your ship shape program doesn't really work.

Oh, it works all right.

But diet and exercise can only do so much for a body that has a mind of its

own. You see, body fat doesn't just run in my family. It gallops.

Hereditary, I'm afraid.

That's why I got my Ph.D. in nutrition, to develop a program that works. And

mine really does.

For everybody but me.

Well, I'm really sorry, Charlene, but now it's our problem.

You aren't gonna make me walk the plank or anything, are you?

No, I won't, but the captain might.

See, he's got this funny old-fashioned attitude about fraud and

misrepresentation.

Come to think of it, if anybody's in trouble, I am.

I'm the one who hired you long distance.

I don't want you to take the blame for anything that we did.

Maybe we should just tell everybody the truth.

That this is the shape behind Get Ship Shaped with Charlene.

Well, not if it's gonna embarrass you.

You're a publisher. Julie, since I met Isaac, I've been thinking that maybe

this isn't all I've got to offer.

Give me a little time.

I'll work something out.

All right.

You know, she could be his mother. I wonder what they have in common.

They're probably both in love with his body.

Come on, Adam. Let's join them.

Now?

Shouldn't we wait a while until the next class starts? I mean, they've been

bending and stretching for a while, and we're still brittle.

Don't you like aerobics?

I like it. I love it. I prescribe it to my patients all the time.

Well, then come on.

Adam?

Yeah, come on, Adam. I bet you don't think you can cut it.

It's just... I just showered.

Well, all right.

But for you diehards, the advance to class is at ten.

Got it?

Well,

that wasn't so hard.

Nothing like a good workout to get the blood circulating.

Anyone for a few laps around the deck?

Sure. Come on.

Are you joking?

Oh, come on. You know how I hate to run alone.

Oh, come on, Adam. It'll do us both good. After the aerobics workout?

Well, go ahead if you like.

All right. See you in a lap.

Can I buy you carrot juice?

No, you can buy me a Bloody Mary.

Ray, two Bloody Marys, please.

You really keep up with him. I'm impressed.

Don't be.

It's all my grand illusion to make him think I went to high school with Cindy

Lauper. Thanks, Ray.

Where did you two meet, anyway?

Over marinated mushrooms, Miss Alley thought.

He had his eye on my mushrooms.

I had my eye on his muscles. I suggested a train.

I met Sherry on a flight to Portland.

Let me guess.

She was going to a cheerleaders' convention.

No. She was coming back from a cheerleaders' convention.

All giddy and excited.

Curious.

Sweet. She reminded me of... Reminded you of?

Nothing. Go and tell me. I won't laugh.

She reminded you of your niece?

The daughter you never had?

She reminded me of you.

Ah,

a new record.

If you want to throw a slider, you take your arm back like this, way back like

this. Hey.

Okay, guys.

Lesson's over.

Hey, what... How can you spend your time clowning around like this while my

daughter is quietly going to pieces?

Your daughter?

Your Carol's mother?

Now, wait a minute. All I did was just suggest that we ought to date around a

little bit. That's all.

Anyway.

Look, it looks like poor Carol is making a pretty speedy recovery, wouldn't you

say?

Unfortunately, what you're looking at isn't romance.

It's therapy.

Although why she would prefer an arrested adolescent to someone as

thoughtful and caring as Ace is beyond me.

I want you to know that I'm sorry about how this has all turned out.

I really wasn't trying to break us up. I just... Trying to have your cake and eat

it too?

It must seem that way, but... I don't know, remember the way it used to be

with us?

So intense, we couldn't stand to be apart.

Isn't it a little late to be talking about the good old days?

Yeah, but they were great times, Carol.

And I want them back.

I don't want to be just comfortable with somebody. I want to be obsessed, in

love, wanting to call you three, four times a day. I want that feeling, that

excitement back again.

I want that, too. We all do.

It doesn't mean you have to give away everything you have.

I hate doing the same old things all the time.

I want to feel close.

I want to get crazy sometimes, too.

So why didn't we?

We had a good run.

Three years.

But the fire just went out.

Maybe for you.

But it's your party.

I wish I could bring you the excitement and the love.

But I can't.

Guess there's nothing else to say.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Clear the decks for the most unusual aerobics class yet. A musical tour of

the ship.

impressive, aren't they?

It's amazing how anybody could fake her way through that. Fake her way? Who's

faking?

Uh, well, I guess I would be, Dad.

That is, if I had enough energy to take one of Ms. Johnson's, uh, Dr.

Thomas's classes.

Unlikely that it is.

Miss McCoy. Yes, sir. The passengers are really getting into our ship-shaped

cruise. I owe it all to you and Vicki.

Well, I can't take any credit. Nonsense, Julie. You can take all the credit. If

you hadn't hired Dr. Thomas, I wouldn't have planned this whole cruise around

her. About Dr.

Thomas. Oh, she's a regular dynamo, isn't she?

I don't know how we'd do this without her. You couldn't have made a better

choice. I'm really very proud of you, Julie.

She's terrific.

Um, sir, I... Is there something you want to tell me?

Well, I'm just glad that everything's under control.

At least I thought it was.

Hi, Isaac.

Oh, Dr. Thomas.

You know, after your class, I thought you could use a little pH balance

electrolyte replacement.

Well, if you're offering me something cold and wet, I accept.

Oh, great.

On the menu, this is called Caribbean Kaboom.

It's strictly fresh cranapple juice, protein powder, lecithin, a banana.

Well, easy, Isaac.

I won't have any room for dinner.

Oh, we wouldn't want that.

Because then you couldn't join me at my table tonight.

And possibly tomorrow night.

If that's a dinner invitation, I'd love to.

Doesn't anybody ever touch on the dance floor today?

Sure, like in slam dancing.

I'll pass.

I've always considered dancing a romantic pastime, not a demolition

derby. I like the way you move. What do you call a dance?

A little bossa nova and a lot of funky chicken. A lot of funky chicken?

It was a dance.

Oh, right, Cole Porter.

Close enough.

Small ship.

Now, isn't this a wonderful number?

Now, this is music.

Sounds like something from the 60s. How about the 40s? The 40s? Really?

Benny Goodman, Tommy Dorsey, Andrew Sisters. They were the Pointer Sisters

of their day. You could hum the tunes, you could understand the lyrics.

Would you like to dance, sweetheart?

I don't like to dance to songs I don't know.

I'd like to dance.

Oh, no, I've got two left feet at something like this. Why don't you and

Dr. Bricker go ahead?

What do you reckon, Adam?

Can you cut it?

Arthur Murray taught me dancing in a hurry.

Sherry, hey, what's going on?

That's what I'd like to know.

Can't you put her on a leash or something?

Don't you see what's going on over there?

They're dancing. In each other's arms. Who dances that way anymore?

Look, if you think it's a problem, Elaine and I will just stay out of your

way. Do that, will you? Just keep your wife away from my husband and we'll all

be happier.

This fitness cruise has really brought us together.

Helping each other, encouraging each other. Yeah, you know, I have never felt

closer to either one of you. And there's no feeling of competition.

It's like we're all members of the same team. Well, congratulations, team.

You've each lost one pound.

Only one pound?

After all that work?

Rats.

Well, maybe a little competition isn't such a bad idea after all. With a prize

for the most weight lost.

Maybe.

Dinner for two at any restaurant we choose.

Well, see, that's the idea.

Incentive. And Meryl will spring for it, won't you, dear?

Well, why me? I don't have anything to do. You're so supportive.

Well, maybe we could have a little talk over breakfast.

Dad, if I'm going to get that dinner for two, I better skip breakfast.

And I've got an appointment, sir, with the sit-up board in the gym.

Well, if I hurry, maybe I can catch that first aerobics class. Thank you so much,

dear. You won't regret this.

a spare minute for a soon-to-be ex-passenger.

So, this time you're really leaving us, huh?

Got a ticket and everything.

How am I going to break the news to the captain?

He takes this sort of thing very personally.

Somehow I think you'll get over it.

Ace, I want to thank you for being there when I needed a friend.

Well, I think you got that backwards.

Being with you the last couple days...

It's reminded me how wonderful things can be when two people take the time to

get to know each other.

I'd forgotten what it was like to just play with someone I've come to like

very much.

Good luck, Carol.

You're very special.

I'll never forget you.

I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry.

I'm not.

Hi, Dr. Thomas. I mean, uh... Hi, Julie.

Um, Doris is terrific.

Well, she could aerobicize the body fat off anything that moves, but, well,

she's not the author, and she's not the expert.

She's not you.

If the captain finds out, we could all be in big trouble, and, well, you did

say you'd take care of everything. I'm sorry, Julie.

I was sure I'd have everything handled by now, but... I've had my mind on other

things.

Dr. Thomas, uh, Charlene.

Is something wrong? I said I'll handle it.

Welcome to the former Dutch colony island of Aruba, with its picture-booked

deep-water harbor and pastel-colored Freeport shopping capital, Aranjestad.

Exotic Aruba is as neat as the Netherlands, as exciting as the

Caribbean. with its colorful mix of Dutch windmills, casinos, and beautiful

beaches.

Cherry, where's Adam? I'm meeting him here. He has a surprise for me.

And Elaine?

She said she, uh, had a surprise for me, too.

Oh, God.

in a car for the four of us no tour buses for us we're going to show you

aruba like nobody's ever seen aruba tyler what a wonderful idea

oh adam you know that i get car

sick in the back seat no problem you remember the route as well as i do you

two sit up front

This won't work. It's a stick. I can't drive a stick.

Okay.

I'll drive, and you can go.

Oh, darling, you know how you hate it when I do that.

I'd remind you of your mother. We'd have an argument within the hour and spoil

everyone's day.

All right.

Then, uh, Sherry can drive, and the girls can sit up front, and Steve and I

will sit in the back.

Adam. Sherry.

You can't drive a stick either.

I can't drive at all. I never learned.

Well, you'll visit cheerleading.

So... Any ideas?

We've already paid for the car.

Well, there seems to be only one solution.

Why am I not surprised?

This won't be so bad. And you'll love the island.

We did, on our honeymoon.

We hope you enjoyed picturesque, romantic Aruba.

Coming up, that marvel of Yankee know-how and determination, the Panama

Canal.

You know, I knew I was going to be having dinner with a beautiful woman,

but I never counted on her. Warm, bright, witty, charming.

It's so sweet.

That's really nice of you, but I never thought of myself as... No, no, no,

really, I mean it. And as nice as you are in person, in print, you're

incredible.

You know, your book could have been a dry, boring health talk, but you made it

all so interesting.

You have a really great insight into how people feel about food.

About themselves.

Oh, what's the use?

Take this back and bring me the prime rib, baked potato, butter and sour

cream.

And follow it up with the chocolate sundae.

Extra whipped cream.

Nobody's ever been interested in mine before.

It's one of your most attractive qualities.

Isaac, I think we may be having dinner under false pretenses.

I must admit, I did try to crib a few buzzwords from your secretary. Look,

Isaac, um... I just wanted to impress you. Look, wait.

There's something you should know about me.

I mean, not me exactly, but...

It's just a very complicated story.

Oh, thank goodness, a familiar face.

What's wrong, Judy?

Well, you know they say bad things come in threes. Mm-hmm. This is Mrs.

Winslow's third number.

She's gonna kill off Passenger Talent Night single-handedly.

Unless... Can you help?

How? What, do you sing, tap dance, juggle, tell limericks, anything? I'm

desperate. Well, I sing a little.

Oh, perfect.

Come with me.

Mrs. Winslow for a listening experience we're not likely to forget.

Thank you. And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Miss Doris

Johnson.

What do I sing?

Anything. Well, whatever you feel like.

Good morning, heartache, you, oh, gloomy sight.

Good morning, heartache, thought we said goodbye last night.

I tossed and turned and tell it, saying you had gone.

But here you are with the dome.

Wish I'd forgotten.

but you're here to stay it seems i've met you when my

Good morning.

The drink is on the house, or at least on the bartender.

I don't accept drinks from strangers.

I thought I knew you.

I guess I was wrong.

You don't have to be nice to me anymore, Mr. Isaac Washington.

You already got what you really wanted.

You used me.

No, I wasn't trying... Well...

I did, but I didn't mean... Save the explanation for someone who hasn't

already heard it a hundred times before.

Join us on the Lido deck for fitness with a tropical flair. A Caribbean

carnival.

looks like i missed another play yeah yeah it looks like you'll have to stay

on board unless you're still in a hurry to get back to san francisco not anymore

Come on. Yeah, just keep... Let me get you to this chair.

Right.

There you go.

Now, I could call the medical team, but I'm sure they'd say it's just a strained

muscle.

You're lucky.

From what I've seen, you've given your back quite a workout these past couple

days. Well, if you count the windsurfing and the jet ski and the inner tube race

over the waterfall.

Don't you think you ought to hang up your lampshade for a while and let

somebody else be the life of the party?

Come on, Trudy, this is a pleasure cruise.

Or did I read the wrong brochure?

It's also a health and fitness cruise.

If I were a doctor, I think I'd prescribe a good night's sleep followed

by several days of acting your age.

I'll tell you what.

You tell that to my first pair of bifocals, okay? Or my blood pressure, or

the inch that doesn't go away anymore, no matter how many times I pinch it. Uh

-uh, Julie, I have seen the future, and it is a retirement community in Florida.

Oh, come on, Boyd.

You don't get it, do you?

I... I am your birthday boy.

Tomorrow is my 39th. Not 40, but close enough.

My life is half over.

A good half.

Once I let go, Julie, it's... it's all downhill.

So I'm not letting go for you, not for Carol, not for anybody.

That was a wonderful, imaginative idea you had today, Adam.

Renting the car and getting off the beaten path right there.

It didn't take imagination.

It just took a good memory.

I enjoyed it then, and I enjoyed it today.

And your new bride, how does she like the tour?

She's been a little quiet. I think it overwhelmed her.

She's really very sweet.

I'm happy for you both.

Does she know what a wonderful man she's found?

She should. I tell her often enough.

Steve seems pretty terrific himself. He's bright and charming.

And I've seen jet fighters that weren't as well built.

Seems we both lucked out.

Hooray for us.

Since we didn't work out.

Not at all.

Not even a little.

With your temper?

And your irritating perfectionism.

And your terrible cooking.

And your flirting.

How could you let her out of your sight like that?

I was doing my push-ups. I think your muscles have gone to your head.

What do we do?

We do what we can.

Myself, I plan to cry for a number of days on end.

I'm sorry I'm late.

What a class.

I am ready to drop.

Well, it sounds like you've worked up an appetite for our late supper for two.

Oh, Meryl.

Dad is creating a stew being original. He is.

Sliced lobster tail, scampi, chunks of filet mignon.

I just thought we should have some real food for a change.

But it's all high-protein, low-carbohydrate. Yes, it's just what

the doctor ordered.

Well, after lunch, it's supposed to be low-protein, high-carbohydrate. Oh,

Meryl.

It's the thought that counts.

Dad, some thought.

Dinner for two never looked better. Why, thank you.

Or more romantic.

Well, that was the idea.

Mm-hmm.

I guess fitness really takes it out of you.

Want to stay for dinner? Looks like there's plenty to go around.

Oh, Dad, I'd love to, but I'm already late for my class.

Yes, well, don't overdo it. I have a feeling a little fitness goes a long

way. That's all right. I'm getting used to pain.

Bye. Bye.

Now we don't have to worry about what to do with the leftovers.

the locks of the Panama Canal.

Begun in 1909, this man-made waterway is our eight-hour shortcut from the

Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean.

It'll be a tight fit, but these locks can handle even the island princess,

with gates seven feet thick and six stories high.

How's the crying coming along?

I'm getting very good at it. I may have found a career.

Between rounds?

I'm hoping I'll burn. I'd like my skin to match my eyes.

But I'm only getting an incredible tan.

I'd settle for that.

Elaine keeps wondering what's wrong, and I don't know what to tell her, so I'm

spending all my time trying to avoid her for now.

Some way to spend a honeymoon.

Definitely not the way I'd planned it.

I hear you're a cheerleader.

Oregon State.

I was there last year for gymnastics meet.

I was there.

Behind the orange and black pom-poms.

And you're that Steve Riskin.

High bars, rings, pummel horse. You know me?

Oh, my God, I have your towel.

I mean, I had your towel in my locker for two weeks afterward.

A souvenir.

No.

Really? Really.

Do you like ZZ Top?

What's so funny?

ZZ Top.

Adam thinks they're a sports car.

Say hasta la vista to the Panama Canal and buenos dias to the Pacific Ocean.

We've just trimmed 12,800 miles off our journey, the distance around South

America. Not bad for one day's sailing.

Next stop, sunny Acapulco.

I'm so relieved that you didn't think that kiss last night was serious.

Don't take this wrong, but I have absolutely no interest in you.

Now, how could I take that wrong?

You know what I mean. Of course I do.

How could we have been so silly? There's nothing between us that really never

was.

It was the moonlight.

You know how that affects me.

I would appreciate it if what happened stays between us.

It's nothing I'm too proud of either, Elaine.

We'll just put it out of our minds.

And get on with our lives.

They saw us kissing last night.

And they got off the ship together in Panama City.

My Steve.

My Sherry.

You're Steve. You're Sherry. She stole my husband. Oh, that's petty theft.

He's all muscles and animal urges. He saw what he wanted and he took it. My

woman. Woman? I have eyeliner older than she is, and there you go being so

possessive again. My woman. Just like it was always my newspaper, my television

set. Well, if you ask me, she is well rid of you. Well, I didn't ask you. But

while we're on the subject... You still snore. It echoes through the ship at

night. The captain said to reassure the passengers there isn't a moose on board.

You still chew your food like you were a chipmunk. I'm exercising my gums. It's

proper dental hygiene. It's disgusting. That's what it is.

What did I ever see in you?

Exactly the same thing I never saw in you. I want a divorce.

Fine. Fine.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We are now docking in glamorous, exciting

Acapulco, where you can test your newfound fitness, swimming, parasailing,

or just plain relaxing on the beach.

Time, Newsweek, Sportsview, National Inquisitor, all hot off the press. Or

should I say, fresh from the States, anyway. Oh, great. Thanks, Taze. You

know, the passengers aren't the only ones who want to catch up on news from

home. Yeah, I know. Save me a Sportsview.

Swimsuit issue.

Great invention, the bikini.

Oh, no.

If Dad sees this... You got something there for me?

Oh, no, Dad. It's just the same boring old news. Yeah, sounds like just the

thing that put me to sleep tonight.

Sorry, Dad. This copy's for Julie. Um, there's an article that she needs to

read right away.

Oh. Well, I'll just browse through it till she comes by.

Uh, not now. I mean, you know, Dad, shouldn't you be dressing for dinner?

You know, you don't want to keep Emily waiting. You know how she gets.

Well,

I guess it is just about that time. Isn't there something I can take?

Look, oh, there's a house and garden and a ladies' home journal. Oh, and you will

just love this contemporary woman. You just go right ahead.

Ace is early.

It's all right. I'll get it.

This is Darnell.

Sorry, wrong room.

The girl's dorm is right down the hall. Mother.

All right, come in.

Carol, you, uh... You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Is that a new dress?

Yes, new dress, new shoes, new attitude.

You look pretty good yourself.

Well, thank you.

I thought maybe we might look... Pretty good together.

Over dinner?

Over my dead body.

I'm afraid I have other plans.

Well, I guess I expected that.

You know, Carol, this is... This is not easy for me to say this, but... I was

wrong about us.

Excuse me, I'll just go and rinse out a few things.

You weren't wrong.

No, no, don't, don't make excuses for me. I mean, I am an adult, and it's time

that I started acting like one.

No, sometimes we just slip into certain habits and patterns.

And I respect your need to want to break out. No, it's more like falling into a

rut, and we can overcome that rut if we really want to, and I really want to.

And I'm an ace.

My goodness, the cavalry.

I love you.

Have I come at a bad time?

No, I'm ready.

Well, thanks for stopping by, and I'm glad we had a chance to talk.

Talk?

She didn't hear a word I said.

Maybe you just didn't have enough to say.

Porterhouse steak, prawns with wild rice. Real food at last.

Anything you want.

Up to 300 calories. You see the fine print there.

Dr. Thomas is in big trouble.

So are we if there are any more of these on board.

Two dozen of them safely tucked away in my cabin.

Clever girl.

Thank you.

Captain Stuby, I'd like you to meet Carol Darnell.

Well, it's nice to have you join our table, Miss Darnell.

And this is Mrs. Stuby. Oh, call me Emily, dear. Come and sit next to me.

You know everybody else, right? Hi, Carol.

There we go.

Whoops. Go ahead.

You have a lovely neighbor.

She has.

Why do I get the feeling I'm being brought home to meet the family?

Carol. Carol, you've got to listen to me. Mr. Hughes.

Please. Haven't you said enough already?

No, no, it's all right, Ace, really.

Ace, what is this?

It's nothing, Captain.

Listen, Carol, you're not really interested in this guy. Hey. Oh, it's

not the time, Boyd.

Look, look, you... You wanted something that I just wasn't willing to give you

for the last three years. I mean, you wanted a relationship that's closer,

that's more equal, more exciting. And so do I.

And I want you to marry me.

That's an engagement ring?

Well, it's the best that the gift shop could do on such short notice, but we'll

replace it with a real one once we get back home.

I don't know what to say.

Say yes.

Say what'll make you happy.

And that will make me happy.

Thank you for everything.

What are friends for?

Um, what are you doing out here in the middle of the night? Isn't it obvious?

The deck is less crowded at night, and I need all the room I can get. Will you

slow down?

We have to talk. I said everything I had to say last night. I'll talk, and you

listen.

Better make it quick. You're cutting into my exercise time.

Okay.

Um, can we go over here?

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Right. You're sorry you chose the body beautiful over the fat girl.

And I believe you. There. Are we through?

Charlene.

That's right.

Charlene.

So you know.

Yeah. And I'm just trying to explain. Do us both a favor.

Don't try.

Just go away. Is that what you really want? To push me away before I get too

close? How close are you ever going to get as long as there are ladies like

Doris around?

Closer than you think.

Now, it's true, Doris is a beautiful lady.

But the lady I spotted between the lines of your fitness book is the one I really

wanted to get to know.

Charlene, you are a bright, attractive lady with a whole lot to give.

So why do you keep hiding behind Doris?

Why are you in such a rush to put yourself down before anybody gets a

chance to really know you?

Years of practice, I guess. Well, that's no excuse.

It's the total package that counts, not just the wrappings.

Trust me, bartenders know these things.

I wish I could believe that.

I do.

And I'll spend the rest of the cruise proving it to you if you just let me.

Deal?

Last chance to shed that extra pound or two in the gym as we head for home.

You know, when you think about it, we're going to an awful lot of trouble just to

get dinner for two at our favorite restaurant.

Well, not if it's at Chez Denise.

With goose liver pate that spreads like butter on those tiny little imported

crackers. And duck a l'orange you can slice with a fork.

Oh, no.

Pasta primavera. Swimming in garlic and basil.

Veal scallopini.

And me, my cheesecake.

This thick.

Ah, you can daydream all you want, girls, but this little contest is in the

doggy bag.

There's a table already at my Uncle Ernie's dinner-on-the-hoof truck stop

with my name on it. Don't count your calories yet, Emily.

Nine, ten.

Hey, Captain.

How you doing?

I'm hungry, Ace.

For food, affection, breeding material.

Since Vicki and Emily started this weight loss contest, they've been

spending all their time running laps and counting calories.

I've had nothing to do but read.

It's lonely at the top, Ace.

Yeah, well, not for long.

Hi, Emily.

Isn't it a wonderful morning? So bright and invigorating. Full of possibilities.

Well, I'm afraid all my possibilities are stacked up on my desk. In

triplicate.

Purser's work.

Another glass?

You sure you're not overdoing it?

Oh, no. You know me. Anything for a free meal with my guy.

Plus, getting down to a size 9 hasn't been a hurt either.

I love you just the way you are. Oh, thank you.

You know, working out with the girls makes me understand why some of the

passengers are dropping out of our fitness program. Just looking at these

attractive kids, Boyd, Dr. Thomas, it's very depressing, intimidating.

All that youth and energy.

Not that these aren't wonderful qualities, just so long as they're kept

in their place.

You know, if Dad sees that scandal sheet and realizes that the lady who he thinks

is Dr. Thomas is really just some aerobics instructor from a $30-a-month

gym in Hartford, my cruising days will be over. My days will be over, period.

Hi. Looks like you're getting ship shape.

We were just talking about Dr. Thomas and her classes.

Oh, really?

She is so trim and athletic.

It was all a mistake, Dad.

Sir. Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a mistake. You wouldn't? No, it's just

more like a mid-course correction. Just something we would do differently the

next time.

Oh, there's another class in session.

Uh, let's not go this way. Come on, let's take a look.

good for you because it's killing me charlene now that's more like it it is

maryland i were just saying that a more mature full-figured instructor would be

easier for the passengers to relate to yes if only she were qualified to teach

oh she's qualified all right she's she's just shy she hides it very

well

I have the feeling you, too, have something to do with this.

Somehow, I think Isaac deserves the credit for this one.

And the two of you?

It's a long story, sir. A very long story.

Well, you can tell us all about it.

Right after we sign her for the next health and fitness cruise.

Where have you been?

I've missed you.

Elaine.

What are you doing here?

We have a lot in common, Adam.

We share a lot of memories.

I'm not sure I'm prepared to give them up again.

I'm not a gymnast.

I don't have the body of a 20-year-old.

I did, but she left me.

I'm no cheerleader.

But what do you say?

For old time's sake?

No.

For all the time still to come.

So what are your plans now that the word is out? I'm already working on my new

book. It's time the world got the message that thin may be in, but big can

be beautiful too.

Thank you for getting the message through to me, Isaac.

Hey, what did you expect from a friend?

Thank you. And thank you. Goodbye, Doctor.

Hope you sail with us again. Yes.

I hate to go.

Then don't.

I have to. My plants are dying.

Sea air is great for plants. You can move them into my camp.

Adam, I'm still getting over the marriage.

Grieving over Steve?

I'm still getting over our marriage.

Then I have to get over our divorce.

And then, maybe I can work on something more.

Fair.

I'll miss you.

Not for long, you won't. I figure all this grieving should take two weeks,

tops.

Figured out to be a wonderful cruise, no matter how it started. In fact, it

turned out so well.

We are coming back in a couple of weeks for our honeymoon cruise.

And the mother of the bride?

I think she'll be too busy to notice.

Oh, don't take it so far, Ace.

Carol isn't the only girl for you.

My goodness, there'll be other cruises, other women.

Just try to remember, Ace.

Life is like falling off a bicycle.

Yes, ma'am.

I'll try to remember that.

Captain,

I've got the results of the final weigh-in.

And the winner is... Well, it looks like Julie, Vicki, and Emily

are all still tied.

Wait,

does that mean three dinners for two at our favorite restaurant?

It's a plot to bankrupt me. Well, Captain, don't file Chapter 11 yet. It's

true. The three of you did tie losing five pounds apiece.

Captain Steubing lost seven pounds.

It looks like he's our winner.

But he didn't diet. He didn't exercise. He didn't do anything.

Well, I guess trying to keep up with the three of you burns up more calories than

I imagined.

Now, I wonder who I should take to that romantic dinner for two.

Captain, you can't get... Meryl, can we talk?