Original subtitles

Chueca...

A modern, tolerant, fun neighborhood

has become a space for the young

and a target for main trademarks selling sophistication.

We've renovated 200 flats

and over 100 stores,

thanks to which we are making it

the ideal neighborhood of our dreams.

But there's still much to do.

lf good taste is of vital importance to you,

if you want ideal beauty surrounding you,

if you need a new life: Come visit us!

We have the home and business you want.

Don't forget,

The Chueca district, your lifelong dream!

Aznar, let Pantoja fuckin' sing!

l won't sell.

l could make this a beautiful flat.

lt could be much more brighter.

Once renovated, couples would fight over it.

Couples? Queers!

What if l give you 1.000 euros more?

That's 160.000 old pesetas.

No, l won't sell.

l've lived here all my life, with many memories.

Exactly.

You could spend your golden years

in your hometown.

Or an old people's home, living like a queen.

My hometown is Madrid.

And homes are asylums where they tie the old

- to their beds. - Please sell it to me.

lt would be beautiful.

This style needs picture windows.

Don't insist, l won't sell, God damn it!

lt needs sunlight.

No! l was born here and want to die here!

What a fuckin' pain in the ass!

Rajoy, Acebes, Federico... Come eat!

Let's see.

Did you forget anything?

l'll grant you your wish.

You'll wash my dishes?

No, l'll kill you in your own home.

l have insisted, l have increased my offer,

l showed you a tape, haven't you paid attention?

Think of the future.

This place has so many possibilities!

lt's a crime to leave it as is.

lt needs more sunlight!

Climalit double windows, a video-intercom,

an armored door, a safety lock,

modern plumbing, taps...

- That's trendy. - A hot tub.

Victor, you've convinced us.

As you see, it's very bright.

- We'll take it, right Raul? - lt's ideal.

We can put the step here, and your elliptical spin.

ldeal.

We'll be very happy here.

l'll give you a tip.

Natural gas.

l've stayed at home a year, since l'm married.

- You're looking great. - l lead a good life.

- ls Juan still there? - Yes, he is.

l'd like to see him

- but l'm so busy... - l'll tell him.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Here l am. - Pull out.

Let's take M-30 through Conde de Casal.

We have to turn around up ahead.

A stop sign.

There.

Every time you shift into third

you scratch gears. First, second, third. You see?

Why are you upset?

You know l can't stand that guy

and you were leading him on.

Half an hour at the driving school.

lt's not my fault he wants a license.

What that guy wants

- is you, again. - No, that's over.

But he has a few presents for me.

Presents?

Christmas presents.

We're in the month of July!

l'm always the last guy on the list.

What list is that?

You got that bitch Natalia on your arm.

Why not my name? Just 3 letters, Leo.

L-E-O.

lt's the same old story.

l don't know why we talk.

Watch the bin. l don't know...

What you're doing bothers me.

People are fuckin' bad!

You've got to learn to say "no".

You can't go on saying "yes"...

- Leo, come on. - Yes, Mr. Pardo, right away.

Rainbow banners?

Paint the fleet pink?

Posters of naked men.

What can l say, Mr. Pardo?

lf that attracts more gay public...

Say something. l'm always thinking.

Things are fucked up.

All we have here are queers, but none comes in.

- What's wrong? - They all drive.

Don't worry, we'll help you.

We'll give out leaflets, or whatever.

What a marketing concept!

Okay, do whatever,

but l can't raise your salary.

You promised him!

l don't charge you classes cause he's your boyfriend.

So that's it. There's no raise.

- Rey... - He had you fooled.

That's it, and don't bust my balls.

l have to stand you guys as neighbors too.

Get lost!

We're broke for next month.

You say it as if it's my fault.

You arguing again? Girl, you're terrible.

He's jealous.

No, l'm mad cause l can't get a raise.

Bastard.

Besides that queer ass who turns you on.

- You see? He's jealous. - Of who, that Fran guy?

Fuck, l'm not jealous!

l'm sick of being broke.

When he does odd jobs,

he doesn't even charge.

- What? - l do when l can.

But as you can't, you don't get paid.

Stop it, please.

- And your novel? - lt's on love and luxury.

lt's handwritten but...

No, seriously.

Love and luxury based on your relationship.

On ours? l don't know about the luxury part...

We got a PlayStation 2.

Yeah, it's cool.

Your novel will have little luxury, but a lot of love.

- Yes, love and poverty. - No way.

l'll include luxury, even if l invent it.

And Jacuzzis. Luxury, aristocracy.

And manners, protocol.

- You're so crude, you fag! - How disgusting.

That's 12.30.

Who wants the bill, fag?

l thought you were leaving.

Here, and keep the change. Let's get out of here.

Well done.

l can't stand female waitresses.

They threw us out for being common.

My thing is social work for the neighbors.

l want Chueca to be a paradise with renovated, youthful,

bright, minimalist homes, clean streets

and nice shops where gays and

modern heteros can show their bodies off.

Celebration!

What if we have dinner at Jesús Vázquez's restaurant?

lt's on me.

l'd love to, you're a wonderful couple,

but l have to go visit an old friend.

Rosa...

- Give me, give me the keys. - Thank you, son. Here.

Can you come in and have a look at my kitchen tap?

l think l must have a leak.

Right away. l'll go get my tools.

How lucky you're a plumber.

Okay. l'll be right in, injust a second.

lt doesn't open.

By the way, a well-dressed, good-looking man

came over several times to convince me

to sell him the flat, and offers good money.

- Yeah? - Yes, yes, yes.

lf you're going to sell it, don't change the plumbing.

At this age l'm in no mood for moving.

How much do l owe you?

You owe me nothing, Rosa, really.

Yes, l do owe you something. Look.

Tripe and beans.

Here, it's heavy.

Don't eat it all.

lt's almost midnight, and l know you well.

- Who am l? - You're Wolf Cub from X-Men.

ljust left the secret base where they implanted

Damantium's claws and l'm very,

very furious. And l've got... l've got...

Gas.

And a yearning to kill!

No, Mr. Mutant, don't claw me.

Your armpit is your weak point.

And your cock!

What's that smell on your breath?

What did Rosa give you? She gave you something.

Madrid style tripe and Asturian beans.

You had had dinner, love.

l left some for you.

But since there's not much,

l left it in the fridge

so we'll have "Madurian" tripe tomorrow.

l like that. You're so intellectual.

Rey, Rey, get up! The cops are here!

Leo, don't wake me like...

Go see, you're the super-hero here.

Come on. Get up, Rey!

Another old lady robbed and murdered.

- The inspector and her son. - The shithead?

Sure, how many work with their son?

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Luis, Luis! - Mom, please!

- Are there any? - No.

Are you sure? lf so, l won't go in.

There's no spiders, mom.

l said bugs. Not only spiders, but bugs.

You had arachnophobia.

lt's extended to all insects. Entomophobia.

And don't call me "mom" when we're on duty.

You're asleep.

Spiders aren't insects, but...

Shut up!

What have we got?

Strangled, broken hyoid bone and her panties over her head.

These old houses are full of disgusting bugs.

What's that smell?

Are you okay, Mila? Take a sick leave.

Can't you smell it?

lt smells too good, and it's not an air freshener.

lt's her.

What?

lt's her. Her perfume. And it's expensive.

lt's not the kind of perfume old ladies use.

Are you sure, mom? l mean Mila.

You know l have a phobia about smells, don't you?

Oh, poor Rosa.

Poor woman. How horrible!

These are terrifying times.

No one is safe. Excuse me.

With us here, you have nothing to fear.

But, when we leave?

The average citizen is unprotected, Luis.

Terrorism, corruption, murder, kidnapping.

There is no danger.

How cynical. Don't you watch TV?

Society is reasonably safe, mom.

Reasonably is not enough, l need absolutely safe, and

the government doesn't guarantee that, nor does

your fuckin' father. No one!

We're all at risk, even me for being a woman,

a police woman, and elder.

People will think wrongly.

l don't know, but l need a pill.

Diazepam? Drop it.

- You, hold it. - Hold it!

You're neighbors of the deceased?

- We didn't kill her. - l hope not.

Well, it's evident that you're homosexuals

but, of any specific type?

Leather, chasers, bears? Anything unusual?

Pissers?

What's that got to do with the deceased?

- Luis, wait in the car, please. - But, mom...

The car!

When did you see her last?

l was the last to see her alive.

The last before the murderer.

- Did you see her? - No, just Rey.

And the murderer.

That doesn't mean

he was an accessory.

No, l saw her, and so did the murderer.

But the murderer, afterwards.

Or before. The autopsy will clear that up, right?

Let's talk at the police station.

Flautist.

Flakey Face.

Marrow.

Squid Child.

No, you lose!

Squid isn't Morlok.

He's a student of professor Sabier.

Okay, okay. You're a smart guy.

Now who knows more Jean Grey clones

from the X-Men times? l'll start. Madeleine!

How horrible! They don't look like murderers.

That's horrible?

Serial killers never look like murderers.

That makes them disgusting.

This isn't a serial killer case.

4 old women murdered in 5 months,

all in Chueca, all strangled.

That's not a psychopath?

Mom, the motive isn't sex,

it's theft, and they're all the same,

so l think...

l know, a gang of thieves.

But the truth is more than horrible.

Reality is always much worse than... unreality.

And comb your hair, you look awful.

l backcombed it to look

a bit younger and modern.

Modern!

You'll like this. lt could be the motive.

You see? This is real!

Real documents. Motive! Motive!

Rosa left me her flat? How cool!

Rey.

The lady had no direct relatives and left

it all to you, 3 months ago.

Are you sure you didn't know?

- Really. - You must be the only ones.

The lady told the whole neighborhood that

she'd leave the flat to you because

you were the son she never had.

Had we gone to the community meetings...

but they call you queer.

They don't, but they think it.

What's that got to do with it?

Really, lady, l had no idea about the will.

Fuck, me either!

Had l, l'd have killed her!

Shut up, fool!

l do everything wrong.

No, love, but you go way overboard.

Can't you see we're suspects to murder?

Some jokes are stupid.

Did you kill Rosa?

- Of course not. - Then...?

l'm still waiting for your call.

l have something for you.

Things are happening.

We're tied up...

Hi.

Are you two still a couple?

How arrogant!

You think Rey will stay with you when

he can be with me?

You can't keep anyone by your side in an open relationship.

So close it, then. Don't open it.

Open.

- Where's Fran? - What about Fran?

He left two streets back. What's wrong?

No, nothing...

l'm sick of how you look at him.

- Me? - l saw you.

l know l'm no competition in sex.

- Where the fuck are my keys? - You're crazy.

Hi. Do you live on of the first floor?

Yes.

l would like to talk to you.

l love this place.

The owners are friends of mine.

That's Mondriak with a bit of Foster.

- Jodie Foster? - Norman.

- ln "Psycho"? - Norman Foster, the architect.

Okay, l'll get right to the point.

Your deceased neighbor, Rosa Martínez, had no direct relatives.

lf my information is correct,

you inherit the old... the poor woman's flat.

Yes, l do. How do you know?

Not from the police. The neighbors told him.

The police?

We are suspects.

Rey, please, shut up!

You guys couldn't kill a fly.

Thanks.

- Well, now the flat is yours. - Mine.

Okay. This is a good moment to sell.

Flats are sky-high and Chueca is increasing in value.

l'll make you an offer you can't reject.

Shit, that's great...

l can fuck the driving school.

- Well? - l'm not interested.

Okay, l can increase the offer.

Let's say...

But it's my last word.

No.

No?

Have you seen the figure?

l won't sell Rosa's flat.

lt's not hers now, it's yours.

We have a home, and look at this.

No, it's for my mother.

She'll help us with her retirement, and we're cool.

- Not your mother. - Yes, my mother.

She depends on my sisters, and she's old.

How old?

l need her near, for support.

l back you, love, in everything.

- Except for your mother. - She's very old.

Wouldn't it be better to sell the flat,

giver her some money and find her a home?

- How old? - No homes for her.

- She my mother, and l decide! - How old?

l'm sorry. This is a disaster.

Give me a call and tell me what you've decided.

Bye.

You're a cheater.

- Don't cheat. - l'm not.

Turn that down or the console is out of here!

Mom, what are you doing?

Nothing, your cat scratches like a bitch.

- l bathed it. - Bathed?

lt doesn't like water! Mom, don't touch the cat.

Cookie. Cookie.

What have you done with the cat, mom?

As l said, l bathed it.

Mom, you haven't drowned it, have you?

- How could l do that? - Where is it?

Drying out.

What?

Susi? Let me talk to mom.

She's killed my cat, Rey, in the microwave oven.

lmpossible, that's an urban legend.

Mom can turn an urban legend into reality.

She's a witch.

Thank God she going to Mauri's.

No, she can't go to Mauri's since the fire.

Then to Barbara's.

No, send her to me. l'll take her in.

Really?

- l really appreciate that. - Okay. A kiss.

Give mom a kiss too. Bye.

Mom, you're going to Rey's place!

- For how long? - For good!

l knew there was something good about being queer.

- Who's queer? - Your uncle.

Get up. Paco will be here soon and

l don't want to argue.

Leave me alone!

Get your luggage ready.

You're scratching me!

So? You'll put me in the microwave oven?

- l'm no cat! - No, you're a bitch!

Stop, stop, stop...!

- Reinaldo, my son! - Mama!

Leonardo.

You look great, beautiful.

Sorry we couldn't pick you up at the station

but Rey had work and l had the driving school...

- 110 euros, please. - 110 euros?

Yes, 10 for the trip and 100 for the upholstery.

She threw up.

Son, stairs kill me, but it doesn't matter.

Good morning, Antonia. How nice to see you.

Spending 3 months with your son?

No, Mr. Pardo. l'm staying for good.

- My son found me a home. - Congratulations.

- Rosa's flat, right? - l think so.

l'll see you often.

Sure. You look great, Mr. Pardo.

Come on, mom.

Mr. Pardo. l'm sorry. Hi.

This smells of old lady.

Relax, with a few touches this flat will be great.

l'll look after you. lt'll be great.

This is a great 70 square meter flat

for an elderly woman, alone and with her obsessions.

No, l don't like it. lt has bad vibrations.

We'll be happy being neighbors.

What if l move into yours, and you come here?

Better yet,

l live with my son and you live here.

Over my dead body.

This 70 square meter flat isn't bad for

a queer with an ass like the Japanese flag.

Mom, don't over do it!

You have no sense of humor.

Okay, l'll make you a finger-licking stew, guys.

And as for licking, you know quite a bit,

don't you?

What a bitch!

Delicious. Aren't you happy?

This is like Rosa's cooking.

Oh, l'm so happy to be here with you, son,

and not with your bitchy sisters.

Mom, they love you a lot.

l don't love them.

Well, Leo, where do l sleep? On the couch?

Mom, things have changed.

- No need for the couch. - Nor for our bed.

You have your flat.

l won't sleep alone. l'm staying here with you.

You'll see how comfortable your flat is.

Rey and l are going out for drinks now,

to a perverted dive we love so much.

You won't come, will you?

lf you're going to get into a dark room, tell me now and

l'll go get some lighters, no problem.

Wait for me!

Rey, shit, wait! God damn it!

As l tell my son:

"lf you're queer, get involved with a rich guy.

An Antonio Gala, for example." He's a gentleman.

Antonio Gala none the less.

He understands women very well.

You're mom's right, a man who can retire you.

Exactly!

But to become queer for a driving instructor...

- You have to be hard up. - Mom, please!

My darling son, l love you.

What he wants is a lay.

What did the lab say?

All the old lady's prints.

And the perfume?

lt is complex, but it's being analyzed.

Mom, don't get upset, but l see you coming:

That's not his M.O., and he's not a serial killer.

We're not in the U.S.A, mom.

What is your opinion on this specific case?

lt's an organized gang from the East.

They kill to rob.

How come we've found

no prints at the scene?

- Some criminals are very careful. - Exactly. Psychopaths.

Psychopaths want fame, leave clues.

The perfume is his signature.

- Maybe it was hers. - lt's too sophisticated.

- That's your opinion. - You're driving me crazy.

Don't touch me. You have no right.

l want the disinterment of all those old ladies.

lf she's wrong, she'll take the credit.

She's getting more aggressive.

She's delicate since my dad left us.

But it's okay.

He left 20 years ago!

She needs time. lt's just stress.

You know her best, but l think she's bad off.

She needs a sick leave.

Or she could be considered medically incapacitated.

l'd talk to the chief.

Leonard, you asshole! Take me to the supermarket!

l have to buy pork chops for my Rey.

What are you doing?

Can't you see l'm working?

l have a driving class with a guy.

Take me to the market!

Relax, Leo, we'll take her there. After all...

lt's a road class.

Can't you drive faster? Step on it.

Pay no attention. He's learning to drive.

Oh, fuck, we're going at 10 m.p.h.

We must comply with the driving codes.

- We must be cautious. - Really?

You just passed the market.

- Should l turn around? - No, no, no...

We've been in this fuckin' car an hour.

Pull over and l'll walk.

No, you can't stop here.

Shut up, l'm giving a fucking driving lesson!

Get stupid and l'll tell my son.

Must you always come between us?

l wish l had the day you met.

- l'd have avoided this. - The day we met?

l'd love to see you at that orgy.

You met at an orgy? And Rey picked you?

Were the others lepers, ministers?

No, orphans!

- ls that a threat? - No, a promise!

lt's not serious.

He is dreadfully panic-stricken,

but he'll be okay with sedatives.

- And mom? - She's okay. She's very strong.

She's gossiping...

About what?

Something about Antonio Gala.

Thanks a lot.

Rey, you and l have to talk.

l'm too nervous now, Leo, over my mother.

l was in the car too. Worry about me a bit.

You're right. l'm sorry.

- Rey, it was your mother. - What?

- She caused the accident. - What do you mean?

Believe me.

She got in the car, started smoking,

Oscar has asthma, and the poor guy...

And you should hear what she said to me.

- You must have started. - Me?

l said nothing, she has something against me.

She's my mom.

She just wants to break us up.

l almost prefer you kiss each other.

Keep that up and she may achieve it.

l can't believe this, fag!

With your experience, and

you still fuck my cars up.

Rey's mother distracted me a moment...

Antonia was in the car? God! How is she?

- She's okay. - l'll call the hospital.

And l'm taking the car repair expenses out of your salary!

What hospital is she in?

And 20. Thank you. Regards to your husband.

Give him papaya. lt helped Father Boitila,

but then de died.

- Hi, Lola. - Well, some oranges?

No, l want nothing but to talk.

ln a slump, huh?

l'll close. We can have lunch together.

- Okay. - Hang on.

What can l do?

lt's either that woman or me.

lf you love Rey, what's the problem?

- Talk it over with him. - l have, and nothing.

You got nervous, insulted his mom,

he felt offended, and that's it. God damn dog!

Well, yes...

Grandma, you making a mess.

- Do you like the soup? - lt's delicious.

- lt has alfalfa buds. - That's what animals eat.

We're very modern, vegetarians. Right?

Yes, well, some cats know as much as people do.

Lola, why don't you write out what l have to tell Rey?

What?

You've know us all our lives.

You write, l memorize, and tell him.

l don't know. We'll see.

- Let the dog loose. - No, it's a pain.

Dinner at home is so nice.

Restaurants are expensive. And you could get gastroenteritis.

ls that a warning or a wish?

Go on!

What's that thing you get with mayonnaise?

Salmonella.

Well now, don't wait up for us.

l don't want dinner. l want you.

Lady, l can hear you.

Go away, no one's in.

- Who's talking? - The faces of Bélmez.

l must talk to you for a second.

l said get lost!

l'll show you a tape on the advantages of...

l don't want anything. Are you an asshole or what?

You should be more respectful.

Respect your fuckin' mother and get lost.

You are very rude. Watch that tongue of yours.

Why should l, idiot?

Because l'll rip it out of your head.

What?

And make you swallow it.

Who are you? Turn the light on.

Turn it on!

You're a waste of society. You should be dead.

Turn the light on!

You'll die soon.

l said turn the light on!

Antonia, it's me. ls anything wrong?

Mr. Pardo, who was that man?

l didn't see anyone.

What luxury! l love it.

l forgot who recommended it.

- But a bit expensive. - Who cares?

- Tonight is special. - Why are you so happy?

Surprised?

You can't deny l've been a bit unbearable lately.

- l'm the unbearable one. - What?

No, nothing. Let's drink a toast.

To us, because we're young,

and because we're in love, and to

Pedro Ceroso, who does a lot for gays.

- My sisters can't stand her. - lmpossible.

They never got along well.

Do it for you mom. She must miss them.

- l don't think so. - Then for me.

Let her spend some time with your sisters.

ls she that bad?

lt's not that, but you and l need more privacy.

You might be right there.

ls everything okay? l heard you were here.

You work here?

l'm the chef. Didn't Rey tell you?

l forgot.

l told you when we were in Seville, remember?

Sure, l remember.

l mean, l didn't remember you work here,

- but l remember that evening. - l'm glad.

Remember l have something for you. Enjoy your meal.

You brought me to that queer's place?

- l didn't remember. - You didn't?

But you remember screwing with him in Seville.

Calm down.

What were we talking about?

About your mother. She has to go.

Maybe in a couple of...

"Maybe" nothing.

She'd better go, l can't stand her.

Just pass on her.

She doesn't pass on me.

You think l don't try...

- Lower your voice. - ...to not be affected?

Like by that piece of shit you forgot?

l try to forget, but he's everywhere!

So Fran's the real problem.

No! The problem is your mother!

She hates me, she wants us to split!

She's affecting us!

Yourjealousy is affecting us.

No, it your mom!

That disgusting bitch is very rude.

l hate her. l wish she were dead!

Excuse me.

Sure you didn't remember it's his

restaurant, of course you didn't.

That's what l say.

Up with Chueca! Up with Chueca and the surrounding area!

What the fuck...?

What's up?

Good evening.

But. how did you get in?

My son gave me a copy of the key.

But, wouldn't it be much better

if you went to your flat, your bed?

No, this bed is much bigger.

Besides, l'm frightened this evening.

That's true, Leo.

l found here in a terrible nervous state, didn't l?

By the way, l had a strange visitor this evening.

Someone threatened me through the door.

You wouldn't know who it was, would you?

Not me. Why should l know?

l'm not dumb, Leo. We don't get along,

but listen to what l have to say.

Don't keep on that track because neither threats

nor fear are going to get me out of here.

And l'll do whatever possible for my son to leave you.

And now get lost! Get out!

That son of a fuckin' bitch!

Hi.

l don't think Rey wants to sell.

A bar is no place to talk business.

- Have a drink. - No thanks, l've got one.

l can't stop thinking about you ever since we met.

About Me? Why?

You're so handsome.

- Handsome? - l like you.

My natural 'me' must have become popular.

You don't make the best of it.

With exercise, other clothes, they'd slobber.

You're pulling my leg.

You need changes in your life.

Could be.

l can lead you through those changes.

l... l have to go now.

Call me.

l will.

- Can l come in? - For just a minute.

Thank you.

l've come to talk about Milagros Rellán. Mila.

Yes, your mother, Luis. Go on.

She wants to be called Mila here.

l know.

You see, she has taught me everything l know.

She's a great inspector,

and has suffered a lot to get me ahead, on her own.

With my dad leaving her and the humiliation, which was

a failure to her...

She also has agoraphobia, and l remember once, at my

first communion...

Luis, we all know your mother and how close you two are.

Can you get to the point?

My mother can't

go on with the case of the old ladies.

She needs a sick leave.

She has constant anxiety and increasing phobias.

Believe me,

you'd do her a favor taking her off the case.

Come on, don't go to pieces now.

Luis.

Yes, Chief?

You've got your hand on my bulge.

Rey, put some music on.

l'm listening to the news.

Rey, forgive me for last night.

lt's about time.

Please, l'm talking to him.

He might not want you to.

He might have to decide.

You don't want to talk to him, do you?

Rey, talk to me.

He doesn't want to, shit!

He does, but you limit him, as usual.

l do what?

You see? He doesn't.

You won't make me bitter, lady.

l'm going to change and improve my life.

You're going to get tits?

What the fuck...!

Stay in line, Sandro, and take that street.

No, we can't get through, Leo.

Thousands of cars do it.

No, Leo, please.

Then l'll make a last call.

No, don't call. We don't fit.

Leo, don't call.

Yes?

Victor, Leo. Do you remember me?

How could l forget you? How are you?

Okay. Could l see you?

Sure. 8 o'clock at my gym.

Victor, l want you to lead me.

- What? - Through the changes.

Oh, sure, of course.

- Leo! - Grab the steering wheel!

An 'autocun'!

To Leo and Rey:

lt's funny that my love and luxury novel is

inspired on two chubby, rather

coarse and penniless gay guys.

But you two are the best friends l have ever had.

Don't you understand me, lady?

l want to show you a video tape.

Don't you understand? Are you deaf or what?

She has Alzheimer's.

l thought there was no one here.

l'm her granddaughter. What do you want?

Your grandmother wants to sell the flat

and l've made an advantageous offer.

l doubt she wants to sell it.

She forgot it's hers.

How strange. She just suggested it.

l was going to show her this tape...

l decide these things.

And l won't sell while she's alive.

l understand. l understand perfectly.

Didn't l tell you not to open the door to anyone, grandma?

l want Viviane Westwood. Bill Viola.

l want contemporary art, transsexuality, like

Amanda Lepore, no whores or junkies.

"Sex in N.Y.", but not "Ana and the 7".

l bust laughing with Javivi.

l've had enough. How do you stop this?

To have the area reflect the personality of its inhabitants

requires a slow but constant housing renovation,

and that's what l want.

l love it.

The key word is "renovation".

Renovating, modernizing, updating is vital to me.

Make a copy of the key.

Updating means we have an inquisitive mind,

we're still young and beautiful.

You speak so well.

Like your boyfriend's flat,

full of possibilities you won't make use of.

His mother moved in.

Thanks for the clothes you've bought me.

There was no need. l'd never spend 100 euros on a shirt.

Relax, that's on me. Consider it an investment.

How generous.

l'd sell you the flat now,

just to get her out.

Well, maybe we can get what we both want.

Are these yours? They were on the floor.

Thanks, l'm so absent-minded.

Hey, you know what?

Shaven armpits make you feel so free.

Yeah.

Tomorrow the Social Service councilor will visit

the popular Chueca neighborhood to hold an election

campaign meeting.

The fact of her holding a meeting

in that nest of inverts is commendable because,

in her own words,

you need courage to deal with them.

But Laura Roderas has always...

What did he say?

Oh, God!

He's forgiven you and wants a reconciliation.

l said you two have no solution, but

he wants everything to go back to how it was.

So you two do your own thing.

Well, she said it all.

Many things have happened.

But l want to be your Wolf Cub.

- We have to change some things. - You've been waxed?

lt's much more hygienic.

That's one of the changes.

lt'll itch when your hair grows back in.

You should go to a gym.

You're sagging, and look at that belly.

- l thought you liked that. - And your wardrobe.

You can't wear a tracksuit 24 hours.

Take better care of yourself and read. Read books,

not X-Men comics, you're no kid anymore.

Watch your table manners.

l'm going to shave my beard off, you know?

- What would you like? - Nothing, thanks.

That rich bitch steals my fruit.

No wonder she's rich.

Good afternoon, neighbors of the Chueca district.

l love this neighborhood, l love gays.

l have many gay friends, and feel fortunate for it.

You're closing so early?

Those rich bitches are stealing me blind.

How come you're so dressed up?

- Nice? - You look like a politician.

You haven't come to listen to that turkey?

You have to be informed to vote properly.

They've brainwashed you, fag.

Chueca is not only a prettier neighborhood,

but also a more pleasant neighborhood.

l, as a woman who isn't a lesbian, tell you:

Chueca is lovely.

Why are you yelling? l did what you wanted.

Now you can sell me the flat.

Help...!

This benefits everyone.

l'm doing you a favor.

Chueca must become a point of reference

for all Spanish youths, regardless of their sexual orientation.

l'd like this neighborhood to be so wonderful

that all visitors are left breathless.

l know you don't understand this

but it's for the good of all.

Chueca is now a much cleaner, and more modern

neighborhood. And above all, a much safer neighborhood.

- No trace of the perfume. - lmpossible.

- Sorry. - Are you sure?

l told you, mom...

These are the girl's belongings.

The chief wants to see you.

You've wasted precious time and money, Mila,

and haven't discovered anything.

Those metal-cleaners are very abrasive.

Listen to me.

Neither the old lady nor the girl used perfume.

They're a tremendous mixture. They must contain chlorine,

or boric acid that could destroy your pituitary gland.

Stop it!

You're not fit for this investigation.

- Take a sick leave. - l'm fine.

l'm hot on that psychopath's trail.

You're not well, and there's no psychopath.

Go home to rest until you retire. Give me your badge.

Yes, l'll go. l prefer it this way.

Be careful, you could lose your fingerprints.

l'm glad you thought it over. You need a rest.

- Leave Madrid a few days. - You want

to get rid of me and do as you please?

What's that shirt?

While they removed the bodies, l went shopping in Chueca.

Don't you like it?

lt's inadequate for a police deputy inspector.

The girl surprised the murderer

and he had no time to use perfume.

We'll start from scratch.

We'll go visit that gay couple

who inherited one of the flats.

What?

Did you think l would back off?

l lead the chief on cause l could smell the chlorine.

Now that l'm not a cop, l feel liberated.

You'll get into trouble if you do that.

- We will. - We?

We'll get into trouble cause you're going to help me.

But, why?

Cause l'm your mother.

Don't you remember? She introduced us.

She didn't know we already knew each other from that orgy.

Well, know each other, know each other...

We didn't even say a word.

Leo, can l ask you something?

Are we through too?

Come on! Looking at the grave won't revive her.

l'm fuckin' hungry.

You've taken forever and

l was freezing to death. What a shitty car!

Don't smoke in here and remind me not to drive you again.

Never say this cock doesn't fit.

Leo, you haven't answered my question.

- What question? - Do you still love me?

This isn't the time or the place, okay?

You've changed so much...

Well, wait until l start taking hormones.

Good afternoon. l'm Milagros Rellán,

police inspector, and my assistant, Luis Sanz.

Can we come in?

One question. You don't have spiders, do you?

You could find anything here. Let's go to my place.

Rey is doing an odd job,

and the other is at the driving school.

We're investigating the murders in the neighborhood.

Leo and Rey are suspects as they inherited

the flat of one of the deceased.

Suspects?

You must understand l have to tie up loose ends.

My son's done nothing. He's a good boy.

But the other guy...

He's nasty, if not a son of a bitch, and he's strange lately.

Go on, go on.

He's changed. He's handsome, elegant.

- And that's strange? - For him, yes. He's a pig.

And besides that... what else?

Well, two weeks ago someone

threatened me through the door.

- l think it was Leo. - You saw him?

- No, but it was him. - His voice?

He faked it. He's very false.

You didn't see or hear him, but think it was him.

No, l know it was.

- That makes no sense. - To me yes, l hate him.

But that's not logical...

Neither is that queer shirt for a real cop.

But l haven't said a word.

- l told you. - Mom, please!

l understand you, lnspector. We carry the same cross.

Before, when you had queer kids like ours,

they looked after you,

but now they can marry

and leave you when they find a

whore who gives them good cock.

The bathroom, please?

To the left of the corridor.

Thank you.

Why do you hate Leo so?

You don't accept your son's homosexuality?

l rather he be queer than dominated by a bitch.

But he could pick better.

What's wrong with Leo?

He's exactly like Rey's father, God damn it!

A failure and henpecked, no ambition.

l have the feeling you are attributing all your

frustrations to Leo.

Are you a damned psychologist?

l wonder, Antonia, if your son or his partner

use any sort of special expensive perfume.

You know what l mean.

My son isn't flirtatious, but Leo,

being so refined... Why?

The murderer always perfumes his victims

after having murdered them.

What a waste!

But, relax, we are about to catch him.

He's cornered.

lt's Leo, isn't it?

l can say no more.

Thank you for your time.

Why did you mention the perfume?

We don't know if it's an M.O.,

nor have told the press.

l'm sure it is a key element in the case.

But if you spread it...

l want the murderer to find out

so he'll make a false move.

Mom, my job is at stake for helping you.

- Do you know what you're doing? - Yes, and you?

Not me, mom. l don't know.

l just want the best for you.

l love you, you know?

But it's hard to communicate with you

because you always mad at me.

Give me a kiss.

Son, l have a phobia about showing my affections.

Wasn't it the beard?

A fear of beards is geniophobia, which l

also have, that's why you must shave well.

Stop it, mom! Can't you see?

You're getting worse. You need a doctor.

Go see a doctor, or whatever,

but if you want to keep this a secret,

stop talking on the stairs.

Mind your own business. Clear out!

- Mom! - Let's go to the estate office.

The purchase, sale and subsequent renovation of

the murdered old ladies' flats were

managed by this office, of which you are the boss.

- That's normal, believe me. - l will if you convince me.

This office manages 95% of the Chueca flats.

We want a model neighborhood

for gay couples to have

freedom to show themselves naturally.

Getting back to the old ladies, did you know them?

My friends aren't senior citizens.

l don't care. Did you know them or not?

No.

Witnesses say they saw a person

of your characteristics

wandering around two dead old ladies' flats:

"Tall, husky, tanned, well-dressed,

an Apollo."

You're discovering 95% of the Chueca men, miss.

Mrs.

Fuck this damn house!

And to top it all off, it doesn't even go on. Shit!

l got you!

You scared me to death!

Aren't l a Wolf Cub?

l don't go in for those modern things. Wait!

- l don't want Leo to hear this. - What?

The cops came and know who killed the old ladies.

Really?

They're on the track of a perfume the killer uses.

Why do you tell me that?

Son, you must be prepared for the worst.

Don't scare me!

Come on, l'll make you a delicious

- hamburger. - With Russian salad?

No, not with Russian salad.

lt's fattening and you must lose weight.

- You're fat. - Mom, please!

Okay, l've got some in the freezer.

l want to see the talk show tonight.

Marbella is such a mess. As well as the country...

- Where are you going? - To the cultural circle.

The reader's circle?

Or, luckily, to the Arctic circle?

The fine arts circle.

Rey, pass on all that.

Get someone else. He's the worst.

Shall l find you some friends?

Tell me and l'll widen your circle.

Man, that word "circle" again.

Shall l buy some lottery?

What is the base of a perfume?

Citrus, oriental wood?

What does the West offer: drugs, discos?

- What are we looking for? - l don't know yet.

The killer is into expensive perfumes

and they're presenting a fashionable perfume.

Hold me up, l have slight ochlophobia.

- What? - Afear of crowds.

Look!

Those two are here together.

Who would have guessed?

- So what? - They don't fit in together.

l didn't get dizzy

but l threw up a lot.

lt wasn't as revolting as l expected.

- What's the matter? - A man!

- A man? - He was up there!

Where were you? Your friends laugh a lot with me.

- l'm sure. - Really. You're sweating.

lt's hot in the bathroom.

You untied your shoe?

The shoelace broke, it came off.

You like military boots?

Yes, they go well with everything.

Do you like to suck them?

Let's go!

We're talking about uniforms!

- Let's see if l get it. - Okay.

- You have no proof. - No.

But you think he tried to kill you.

Yes.

- But he wasn't near you. - You're close.

- Stop it, this is too much, mom! - No, this is intuition.

- Your arachnophobia, agoraphobia... - Entomophobia.

Whatever! You've got it all, mom.

Plus a persecution complex.

That's why l told the chief to can you,

because you're in very bad shape.

You told him what?

For your own good.

l'll tell you once and for all.

Your dad was a traitor pig too. Get out of the car!

- But, mom... - Get the fuck out!

lt was great, and free. You're friends are nice.

l want to be cool, learn languages,

read your magazines,

memorize all those designers' names.

Come on!

- Man... - Come over here.

When will we go to bed?

- Be patient. - Patient?

lf we don't fuck, we could become friends.

- l like to go slower. - You're so modern but...

l knew it! You're cheating on my Rey!

Shut up, we're an open couple.

Open? All you've got open are your legs!

l'll tell my son!

Go talk to her.

l want no arguments. l'd never forgive myself.

What wit!

l saw him cheating on you.

Right downstairs. He's shameless.

- ls that true? - You do it with Fran.

No, and less in front of you.

- Well, he loves me. - Do you love him?

Sure, he's cultured, elegant, a man with ambition.

Then go with him and leave us alone!

Not like you, under your mama's skirt.

- Shut up, bitch! - Mama's boy!

- Queer! - Homophonic!

What's that?

l'm winning.

To Leo and Rey:

lt's funny that my love and luxury novel

is inspired on two chubby, rather

coarse and penniless gays.

But you're the best friends l've ever had.

lf you were in a dark alley, people would run.

But not me. l'd run from elegant, educated men.

Like the guy who came to see grandma today.

A real estate agent...

Rey, l have found the perfume.

What perfume?

ln Leo's pocket.

And Rosa's cameo.

l think Leo is the...

Lock the door to your flat and don't open to anyone.

Don't open to anyone.

Rey, come to bed.

Fran, sleep a bit longer, okay, handsome?

l'm hallucinating.

So now you search my clothes.

- No, no... - You shit-ass busybody!

You got Rey to leave me.

That's what you wanted. l can't fuckin' deal with you.

- l feel like killing you! - l understand you quite well.

l am the worst but, you know,

he's my only son, the others are girls.

l can't stand them, they're bitches.

l had a son and he turned out to be queer.

lt's hard for a mother to accept something like that.

Besides, had he gotten involved with some important guy...

But with you, Leo, a driving instructor?

And l have to fuckin' put up with it!

This time l'm serious. l'll leave you both alone.

You're a bad person

and l'd twist your neck...

Help! The Chueca murderer is here!

Shut up, big mouth!

Help, help!

Open the door or it'll we worse!

- Help! He's killing me! - Open the door!

The Chueca murderer is here to kill me!

Open the fuckin' door!

- Help, he's killing me! - Open my own door!

Fuckin' open it!

Help! Somebody help me!

- That's terrible. - How could you stand him?

l never liked that man.

Calm down, take a shower, relax and lie down.

Go on! Go on! lt's all over.

l'll tell the police to pick him up.

Just a moment.

lf there's a reward, it's mine.

- Yes? - Reinaldo?

- lnspector Mila? - Listen, there's no time.

l know who the killer is. He could be near your mother.

Don't tell me it's Leo!

lt's Victor, the real estate guy. Run home.

l am, but l can't find a cab.

No...!

No...!

The games are over. Follow me.

Rey, listen.

Whatever your mom said, l love you.

She called me murderer.

Leo, my battery is running out.

Let's get back together, like before.

lnspector Mila called me.

The murderer is...

What? l can hardly hear you.

...the real estate guy.

The murderer is who? The "what" guy?

The real estate guy.

Hands on the wheel!

- Are you okay? - l heard noise upstairs.

- What happened? - Someone wanted to strangle me.

- Who? - l didn't see who it was.

You never fuckin' do!

Yes, please, call the police.

And send an ambulance to Pelayo street, 30. Thanks.

This letter is for you. Lola left it.

Where do you prefer?

Madrid is full of dumps.

This is your fault, idiot!

He's going to kill us! Do something, asshole!

Shut the fuck up!

Can't you shut up even now?

Do something!

You won't, cause you never have.

Many settle for what they have.

You queer! Do something, queer!

They're just cowards.

l'll die, but so will you, bastard!

Hit the break or l'll shoot!

Help! Help! Help!

Help, help me!

He wants to kill me!

Leo.

Leo.

Excuse me.

How about a threesome?

No, l don't believe in threesomes.

- Nor l in couples. - Hi.

You, here?

What? l have a right too. l'm experimenting,

expressing myself freely.

A guy who wants to kill me.

The murderer. Help me.

- Where is your gun? - Man, l can't.

l've taken a lot of shit and would be of no help.

Do you want the locker key? The rod is inside.

Fuck! Give me a towel, sandals... Shit!

How shameful, the police. How shameful!

My God!

Fuck... fuck...

Old people have no place in my plan,

and neither do queers like you.

You don't keep fit.

Where's your self-esteem, the minimum requirements?

Sensitivity:

None. Ambition: Zero.

You have nothing to do with art or fashion.

How could you think l was falling for you?

Look at my body, it's full of life.

And you're nothing but a fatso.

l'd never go for anyone like you.

Never say: "This cock doesn't fit."

You'll miss the shot.

Shooting isn't like in movies.

What a waste, son.

You see? You're not trained.

Now it's my turn.

But l sure am trained.

There he is.

l knew he existed. He's all yours.

You did it all alone, and l congratulate you.

Here, keep it with my badge.

Checkers are not in fashion.

Did l hear shots? Freeze...!

Mom!

Luis! l'm getting dizzy. Firearms scare me and,

seeing blood, l feel fear for anything red, like Marnie.

But you surpass all my terrors at once.

This is me, mom.

Yes, but you've matured so fast. l'm leaving.

Can l take you home?

No, stroll around Chueca. lt'll do you good.

But first put your pants on. Or not,

you decide.

"Remember you owe me a trip to Paris, fags.

You promised.

l want to see that romantic city."

Lola saved us after her death, poor girl.

And also saved us as a couple.

She says nice things about us.

Read them again.

Stop that pawing, you look like queers.

Antonia, l never thought l'd say this but,

thanks for almost saving my life.

lf l were a good shot l'd have hit you for sure, Leo.

Well, anyway, you're still alive thanks to me,

as if you were my son, so we'll have to make up.

Not there, it hurts.

l'm sorry.

Okay, l'll go make breakfast for you.

Sorry, sorry...

That hurts! Okay, that's enough!

But nothing has changed. l still can't stand you.

Fine, l can't stand you either.

But l've won. You're who is leaving.

Yes, to the flat just above you,

to live with Mr. Pardo.

So you and l will be together a few more years.

And from now on, not only will l be

your boyfriend's mother, but also your boss' wife.

You worry me, Leo. l hope you get better. Poor boy.

Breakfast!

You look like you've seen a ghost.

No, it's nothing. My whole body aches.

l'll cure you with the Wolf Cub factor.

- l miss my hair, Rey. - lt'll grow back.

lt hurts here.

And here.

And here.

And here too.