Original subtitles

No, I'm in B block. B block? That's...

Yeah, that's miles away. Er, I forgot your name.

Ben. What's your name? Ben... You're Ben?

Lil, my name is Lil. Lil. I was just remembering it.

Nice to meet you, Lil. Ooh, what you doing?!

You got a death wish or summat? It's a rumour that it's dangerous.

It's not a rumour. It's science. Yeah? Why are forks the perfect size?

Oh, science? You're a science guy? No, I'm an English guy.

English guy? Ah, yeah, I can see your little hoop.

Ooh! Oh, you burn yourself? Let me see it. It's fine.

Oh, my God, your hands are massive.

They're like my hands with gloves on.

Nah, your hands are just tiny. Look.

Erm... Is it crazy going to uni where you grew up?

Er, I don't know, it's nice to, erm...

...to be close to my family, you know? That's so sweet.

Lil, are you coming back to bed? I just paused Shawshank.

Yeah, er, I'm just buttering.

All right, mate. Macro-economics? Huh?

Ah, other northerner. Ha, other northerner.

Everyone's northern in these halls.

Don't. I know. It's er, the frog thing.

The frog thing? Yeah. Like, if I'm going to find the one,

like, the one I'm meant to be with, then I have

to kiss, like, 20 frogs probably before... You know? OK.

So I just figure the sooner I get through the frogs,

the sooner I find the one. Right, that's how it works, is it?

Well, now it's embarrassing that I've said it out loud but, yeah,

that's what I thought before I said it.

I should probably... Yeah, Shawshank. ..yeah.

Here, I feel bad. Take this one.

Yeah, I don't mind burnt toast.

Sure? Yeah.

OK. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too.

Lil?

Let me know when you get bored of frogs, yeah?

Ooh La La by Faces

Finished the bathroom.

I left your shaving stuff out and, er, toothpaste.

Thank you.

I've just been taking some condiments out of the fridge

if you want to have a look through it.

OK. Erm... Did you call the Wi-Fi people?

Er, yeah. Yeah, they're going to call me back.

Oh, yeah, that's the form.

We've got to fill that in for the estate agent before, er,

Sunday, 12 o'clock.

OK. Erm...

I could take it on my way to the airport. Yeah?

Did you find somewhere to stay before the room's free?

Ah. Frances, she's offered me her, her sofa for a bit, so...

Great.

Still feels crazy you're staying in London.

I thought you'd be on the first bus back to Leeds.

Yeah, me too.

When do your parents get here?

Ah, tomorrow, midday they're here.

Nice. Your last day in London.

They're cutting it pretty fine to come visit you, aren't they?

End of an era. Woo! This is really it, huh?

Jos, you can't just come in here. This is crazy.

Emergency key, cos, yeah, I'd go as far as to say it's

an emergency that two of my closest friends are moving out.

Yeah. Here's your leftover mail. It's mostly spam.

I like to intercept and sort through before I hand it over.

Just doing my part. Come here, buddy. Hey.

Real men cry. It's OK, let it flow, let it flow.

Oh, my God, Jos! What?

I missed a smear test. Smear test? It's a scam.

If you're going to impersonate the NHS, at least make up

something that sounds real.

OK. Bring it in, you two. Come on.

Oh, I'm going to miss you cuties like crazy.

Oh, go ahead and cry, God knows I have.

Hey. I got coffee. Erm, the guy misheard me

so it does say "Bill" on it, but I promise I paid for it.

Thanks.

Do you want to stand or sit? Sit. Yeah, I think we could sit.

Might as well, cos there's a bench.

Erm, I feel like we didn't get to chat properly at

the goodbye thing yesterday.

Who knew Owen could sing?

I actually don't even think that place did karaoke,

I think he brought a bag of stuff... I thought you didn't want to go.

To Berlin.

You... You told me you weren't going to go up for it.

Yeah, I... I know, Kas. I... I feel terrible.

I've felt weird about it since I got it, I just...

I don't know, I... I changed my mind. It's cool.

Is it? Yeah.

You are probably the better person for the job, anyway.

That's not true. It is. It's not!

It is. You're all instinct and I'm too in my head. I overthink stuff.

Literally doing it right now.

I'm going to miss you.

Mm-hm, yeah. You're going to really struggle.

I'm serious, I am. It's going to be tough.

Really, Kas, you're the best. I know. It's unbelievable I'm real.

Shut up! I'm, I'm trying to be serious...

I like you, Lil.

Kas, I... Don't.

You don't have to say anything back.

In fact, DON'T say anything back.

Schrodinger's... crush.

I need to get back to work but, erm...

There's quite a lot of war stuff...

...in there, obviously. Er...

There's also loads of bars and restaurants and parks and stuff.

You're going to love it.

See you in six months.

Fucking hell...

It's going to be great. We're going to braid each other's hair,

we are going to watch scary films and talk about boys we fancy. Heh...

How have the last couple of weeks been?

HE SIGHS Weird.

We don't really argue any more.

Just feel like we've, like, purged all the bad.

It just feels very un-epic. Four years, just fading out.

Like we don't know how to end a song or something.

Mm.

Thank you, though, for being such a good friend.

I feel like you keep giving me things.

Oh, if you're talking about these, I honestly just found these

in the staff fridge. They could be anyone's.

No, I think it's going to be nice having you.

And your husband don't mind some random bloke just...

...staying on his sofa, no?

Mm... SHE HUFFS A SIGH

Sorry, sorry. Wah! Did I say something wrong?

No. No, no, no. It's just... Er...

It looks like it's going to be kind of more of a permanent break...

Shit. ..as of recently.

I'm sorry. Are you all right? Mm...!

No, it's fine, it's fine. It's civil. It's lovely.

Erm, and obviously terrifying and confusing,

and relationships are hard...

...and life is long.

It's his loss.

He's all right.

He is seeing a Swedish DJ named Ebba.

Mm, fuck...

Do you hate her?

No. I... I think she sounds amazing. I sort of wish I was with Ebba.

I could never imagine myself being OK with Lil seeing someone else.

Yeah.

So... Since when did you get so cool, then,

and where did all these cool opinions and everything come from?

Benjamin? Are you flirting with me?

Yeah, I am.

Pff, you should see your face. SHE CHUCKLES

You should see your face! Fuck!

SHE LAUGHS HR!

Mm. I know where they are now.

Fall In Love Again by Lincoln Grounds and Thomm Jutz

MOBILE VIBRATES

PEOPLE CHATTER

MOBILE VIBRATES

Hi. Did you mean to ring?

Yeah, erm... Just...

My parents, er, they're not at the flat by mistake, are they?

Er, no, I were just there, I didn't see them.

Why, are they not with you?

No, erm...

I, erm... I've been waiting for like an hour, but I'm, like,

around the corner from their hotel so maybe I'll just go...

Wait, hang on, I got a text.

What'd they say? Are they close?

Erm...

It's fine, er...

They're, erm...

...they're going to stay in Paris a couple more days. It's, it's fine.

But they're... Your parents, man.

They had a layover. They're probably just, like,

super jet-lagged or something., It's, it's fine really. I'm...

I'm fine.

No, they take the piss, Lil.

They could at least have rang you and let you know.

Cos, I mean, you've planned a full day out with them.

I could probably, er, still do the day. It's not a big deal.

Well, do you want me to come?

No.

OK, well, do you want me to fly to Paris

and beat the shit out of your parents, then?

Yeah.

Your mum would snap me like a twig, wouldn't she?

SHE CHUCKLES Yeah.

Sorry, Lil.

It's OK. Erm...

I'll... I'll talk to you later.

Bye-bye.

HE SIGHS

You're so pretty.

Hey, Kir. I'm smoking one of Ben's cigarettes.

I think I look really chic, but it grosses me out.

I miss you!

I've been thinking so much about my first Christmas in the UK.

I remember how my parents literally wrote me, what, like,

five days before it - I was meant to fly out.

Hello?

And they told me that they were actually not going to be there,

so there was no reason for me to go.

Man, I was so fucking homesick and I didn't feel, like, comfortable

crying in front of Ben cos we had been going out for like three months.

And you took me to Nando's cos you thought it was Mexican,

you dumbass.

You guys were all being so sweet to me.

Like Ben, he put me in his car and he just... just drove me

to his parents' house.

He didn't even ask me. He just drove.

I was freaking out, obviously, because we'd been going out

for so little and I didn't think I was even ready to meet them,

and then also show up at their house, you know, for Christmas.

Like, it was too soon.

And I was going to be, like, this massive burden for them.

And then we got there and they had...

...they had set up, like, a...

a stocking next to Ben's.

One of... SHE CHUCKLES

...Alan's old football socks.

And Deb had stitched, like, a red...

Like, a red "L"...

...on one of them.

Oh, I just think I'm really lonely, Kir.

I think I'm really lonely and I don't think Berlin's

going to help with that, but I just...

I just don't think I can stay here.

I don't think I can stay here and not be with him.

THAT HAD BETTER NOT BE TO ME! AH-H-H!

What are you doing?!

LIL LAUGHS Kira! Oh, Kira, what...?

Mm, please don't click send on that. That is a long one, I can tell.

LIL GASPS AND LAUGHS

What? Where's Ava?

Shit! I knew I forgot something!

What are you talking about? How did you...? What did you...?

Oh-h-h! How did you know about here?

Ben called us.

He didn't want you to spend your last night alone.

Who? What do you mean, "us"? Look there.

Well, just walk around! Did you know you can watch TV on the motorway?

I'm fucking buzzin'!

Don't worry about your bags, Kir, we've got 'em.

I just had a baby, thank you.

You had a baby five years ago!

Mm... Where's the door again? I swear...

Yeah, well, I'm sorry. I don't speak ill of anybody I don't know,

but your parents are on very thin ice with me.

Oh, that's so sweet. Flakier than a pack of puff pastry.

Ah, no special chocolate for you tonight, Alan!

Oh. You've not left it at home, have you? Yes, we have.

Well, I would, I would only have a little bit this time. Yeah, mate.

He'd eat the whole bar. All right, settle down, dinner's here!

THEY CHEER

Right, I fancy a bit of... Everyone get one knife or one fork.

Lil.

Do you want this one? Do you want some rice? Oh, thank God...

Erm... You guys can stay in the flat tonight.

I'll stay in the van with me mum and dad.

No, Ben, it's your last night, too.

No, no, I don't mind. I want you guys to enjoy it.

Is that you saying you're in with us?

I'm warning you now - your dad's got sleep apnoea.

And awake apnoea. SHE LAUGHS

No, shh. They don't need to know that.

Oh, for God's sake. I can't find me thingy.

Kate's got me onto this white noise machine.

I can't get off without it now. Oh...

Must be upstairs. Right, don't drive off. Ugh...

I'll be back in a minute.

Dad? Did you always know that Mum were going to be the one?

No. I used to pray she wasn't.

Ha, I used to get on me hands and knees sometimes.

Well, what about waiting outside of her house and that?

Well, I just, you know. I fancied her.

She was gorgeous. And then I got to know her.

Yeah, we actually split up.

What, really? You split with Mum? When?

A couple of times.

We went on a year break before we had you.

What? Wow.

You see, the thing is...

...you have to be a lot of different people

when you're in a long relationship and sometimes I didn't like

who your mother was and she didn't like who I was either.

But eventually we did, and, well, now we look forward to

who's coming next.

What you and Lil have is very special, you know.

Had.

Have.

Oh, my God...

It's brass monkeys out there. There we go.

Right.

WHITE NOISE RATTLES LOUDLY

Oh, Mum, Mum. You can't go to sleep to that.

Oh, no, no, I need it. It calms my thoughts.

Oh, here we go again...

Well, what? I can't get off without it now. It's horrendous!

Eh? No, it's not. I find it soothing.

I have this every night. Please.

SHE LAUGHS Stop it!

15 years.

I reckon you're probably back in London. Yeah.

You've divorced the German lawyer, of course.

And so you're back now. You're single.

I don't know, maybe you take up crochet.

Oh, I love you, but I think this is making me more sad. Aw...

When's your flight?

At, like, three.

You're going to have the best time.

NIC GASPS LIL SCREAMS

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Nic! Is that how you wake up?

Ugh, you need to see a doctor. I actually can't.

Are you kidding?

Morning...

LIL LAUGHS Shut up.

Will you let me know when you get to Berlin?

I keep watching documentaries about plane crashes.

Thanks, Nic, I will.

And Ben, don't get all weird and incel-ly

in an all-male house share, yeah? All right. Yep. Cheers, then.

Bye! We fucking love you!

Bye! Bye-e-e! Bye. Drive safe, Dad. Bye-bye.

We love you! Miss you! Bye-bye!

I love you, I love you! Come back to Leeds soon! Bye! Love you, Ben!

Bye. Bye! See ya!

Oh.

LIL MUTTERING IN SPANISH

Where's my passport...?

Inside pocket.

SHE SIGHS

I feel like I'm cosplaying a woman divorcing her husband.

I feel like I should have a ring to throw at you.

Maybe I should tip a chair.

Yeah, that'd be good.

CHAIR CLATTERS

Wow. You really lost your rag there, didn't you?

I saw red. man.

That's out of control.

Yeah, sorry. I know you need to get off, don't you?

You know...

...I've loved everyone you've ever been.

Ah...

O-o-o-kay!

Look at you, sliding under the garage door with, er,

20 minutes to go.

I thought you changed your mind. Again. Let's process this thang.

Mm-hm.

There's only one signature.

Sorry, er, yeah, let me just...

Cheese and rice.

What? What was it?

Was it cos it wasn't on an iPad, hmm?

It's just your name, OK? Don't even think about it.

Illegible as anything.

There you go.

Ah! It's the sad boy I ordered!

Is the sad morning beer detachable?

I just can't go near it. I, I can't hear you, sorry.

I said I can't go near it.

Your flat?

Well, good news, erm...

You can't, legally, after today.

HE SIGHS

I fucked everything up. No, no.

Just think how good your writing's going to be.

SHE CHUCKLES

You know, even if there's ink on the page,

You're out the tenancy. Pff, gone. All right?

So, just...

Just, even if it's just a, a line...

Yeah, I'll just... just gotta sign it. OK.

A shape, even.

I'll just sign it. Yeah, I could do that, like I said.

Well, just a... CLICKS TONGUE

...you know? Yeah. Dot.

OK.

SHE CRIES

It doesn't work...

What?

It doesn't work! OK, OK.

No, no, no, no, cos I've, I've got another...

I have another pen. SHE WHIMPERS

Erm, it's crazy that there's, there's no pens.

It's... Does anyone have a pen, outside?!

Does anyone have a pen?! Pen? Anyone?

Er, do you, erm...

Do you ever get, like, a hunch about people? Erm...

Like when a couple's sitting in front of you, do you ever get, like,

a feeling about whether or not it'll work?

No... No. I'm not... Come on.

Erm, what... What did you think about us?

Just sign the... Just sign.

Please.

HE SIGHS

Yeah... Yeah, I thought you had something, but I'm often wrong.

Hey.

No, look at me.

Look at me. Look at... Look at that. Look at me, look at tha... No.

No, I need you to s...!

Thank you. N-No...!

Are you really basing the decision on that?!

Hey. Erm, I know I booked you for Gatwick,

but do you think we could go back, actually?

And I was just a frog.

I thought I was a prince or something,

but it turns out I was just a fucking stupid frog.

I like frogs.

Yeah. No-one wants to marry a frog though, do they?

I don't know, I think I did.

Ooh La La by Faces

Oh...!

Oh, I think I know this street! Erm...

I'm going to, I'm going to run.

I'm going to...

You're in charge of the bags, sir, OK?

Just meet me there. I'm going to run, I'm going to do the run!

OK.

Woo!

Woo...! Sorry!

Oh, this is the wrong way! That's the wrong way!

You and me on the market? What? Are you kidding me?

We're going to tear it up. Oh, come on...

You're kind and you're funny, and you're handsome... ish.

You are going to be OK, and I know that

cos I'm actually a quarter psychic, I just hardly ever talk about it.

HE SOBS

God...

I should go.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media