Original subtitles

so what did you do today Lacy nothing

nothing well nothing interesting how

about you the same I don't know Kate

sometimes I feel like I'm in a rut

welcome to the club I keep asking myself

Lacy why don't you do something to liven

up your life my answer is always okay

what I just can't believe you're not

happy I can't believe you're not happy

well I'm not unhappy I'm just not

cooking on all four burners you took the

proverbial words right out of my mouth

maybe I'm crazy but do you get the

feeling that we're on the threshold of

something

big hello Lacy hey how's it going babe

good couldn't be better mommy look what

your son just did well why doesn't my

daughter help clean it up IA clean it up

when she gets here but in isn't here yet

honey then she's

late yeah I know I know you still there

Kate still here listen my plane leaves

in an hour and you don't have me packed

yet yeah I know I I know honey Lacy I

think I've obviously caught you at a

very bad time no no not at all what's up

I know it's not your fault Mrs Colbert

but if this bus strike continues one

more day I'm tendering my resignation

good morning good morning

Lacy uh Lacy listen I just called to see

if we're still on for lunch today oh

Katie I completely forgot now let's see

uh I have to go out to the airport the

market the bank the cleaners the shoe

repair and then to the hardware store

which is next door to the blind face

Cafe can we meet there at 1 make it a

quickie terrific I'll meet you there at

one Lacy mommy Mrs

Colbert and I thought I was freaking up

Breezy Alice I just made a lunch date

for one would you see what else I have

today um edit copy layout next month's

issue see that porno film porno film

first one directed by a

woman uh and a cocktail party Black Tie

optional turquoise mandatory figures I

wish I got invited to all the happenings

I wish I didn't in fact I wish I got

invited anywhere my name is Alice Wright

Miss Wright what's wrong Alice is there

anything you enjoy more than putting

yourself down

having somebody else put me there would

you like my opinion no you're too

desperate man guys can smell your

desperation a mile away in your case

they can smell it all the way to Palm

Springs Good Morgan build up her

confidence I wish somebody would build

up mine this The Third Article you blue

pencil this month I don't want to do

another article putting down men she is

a magazine not a vendetta Morgan wasn't

so busy trying to steal your job this is

turning into a lame magazine man we're

not getting into anything I don't think

it's getting into anything to do a cover

story on gay baseball umps oh come on

guys I came out to look at my counter

can't I have one day in my life without

hassle hey I need to have a word with

you the word is no she's hassle but this

is Mu important the only thing we import

about you is the fact that you couldn't

find your SARS this

morning where does all that incredible

hostility for men come from from men are

you Hep to the fact you don't even take

me seriously as a psych olist yes I am

he to it would you like to know why

years because most psychologists got a

picture of Freud on their wall you are

the only shrink I ever met with a

picture of Dear Abby okay fellow mellow

out I'm not into hostile today we've got

a magazine to publish remember exactly

why I am here because of the semi

incredible success of my monthly who are

you colum well I have come up with an

idea that is going to knock you out

I want to write a column called who am

I a

self-portrait see every month I ask

myself questions Sydney I don't want you

on salary while you're trying to find

yourself anyway we know who you are yeah

an expedite deleted now you run along

and write your regular column which was

due two days ago and you go think of a

samean feature so that you can steal my

job and would you please try to think of

something else to put down beside

yourself I am going to go into my office

and

collapse I see honey did you uh pack my

uh great pin striped suit Yes dear with

the um with the vest that matches yes

it's already packed darling I think I'm

going to need the vest in January in New

York probably yeah well of course the

vest does tend to make me look very

distinguished oh yeah who are you trying

to look distinguished for anyway the

lumber conventioneers Lacy there there's

only one person I really want to look

distinguished

for well you know what suit I think you

look best in my

birthday yes but I've got to catch a

plane I have to catch a

[Music]

plane

[Music]

a

[Music]

a

[Music]

Lady this is your shoe repair

[Music]

ticket

[Music]

well hello a reservation for two I

believe it's under Kate fenny oh I'm

sorry ma'am we don't take reservations I

mean we're much too laid back for that

here

Lacy oh there she there she is that's my

friend over

there

hi you look Dynamite so do you I like

that we're right

here there we

go oh boy I need this so do I I get so

wired at the office want to trade

lives you keep bringing that up well

you're the one who mentioned it before

you mentioned it the time before that

who mentioned it before there I forgot

anyway who's

counting so what's new and exciting in

Suburbia nothing nothing oh well we did

get a new 8 cycle washer dryer I guess

that's new I don't know how exciting it

is so so you see anybody yes I met a

lovely sensitive artist hey you always

go for those artistic times yeah I guess

so but boy it can be a problem Ross

that's my guy he going through a

painters block he just can't work it's

driving us both crazy well here's to the

end of Ross's painters block yes and

here's to your new washer dryer

yep oh surely we didn't drink all

that I can never get over how much

you've changed since

College I've sort of gone from Kashmir

Cardigans to faded denim haven't

I you should talk about change you

really think I've changed are you

kidding you were the hip one that wanted

to set the publishing World on far and I

was the straight one who just wanted to

get married and be a housewife what are

you complaining about your life's

terrific you're always doing something

different Lacy even that becomes routine

believe me yeah well you're sitting on

the wrong side of the table well what

about

switching here we go again are you ready

to order uh I'll have the AL Alpha

Sprout open face please no no no no no I

don't agree with alphalpha Sprouts I'll

I'll just have a um a small green salad

please oh and another liter of

wine right on don't let life pass you by

but Lacy I am really serious I really am

I am yeah you you really are bombed well

that's true too no see we could do this

for one week you know live each other's

lives and then we'd know what it would

really have been like if we had followed

our original paths the Great American

switch yes what do you think I think I'm

drunk

[Laughter]

too Randy never go for it we don't have

to tell him don't tell him I mean he's

in New York for a week what on a lumber

convention or something yeah his pecky

Cedar paneling isn't moving well see by

the time he gets back we'll have our old

lives back again

perfect and the kids will love it a week

with Auntie Kate you mean you'd actually

trust me with the magazine

Lacy

25,000 students trusted you with their

yearbook plus the fact that you were in

the magazine business for 2 years before

you met Randy you're natural and all the

hard work's been done on this issue

already oh come on now listen if I trust

you certainly you should trust yourself

huh you know you almost temp me to say

yes you really do

H Hey where's our lunch you haven't

answered my

question I just don't know Kate I I just

don't know I I don't know well

ladies

enjoy well what do you think should we

do

it how about

that we just switched

[Music]

lines boss I'm

home

[Music]

come on Hello darling how are you how

you go I did it again another rotten day

another Rotten Day Day uh did you get

any work done well a little a

little oh Kate I can't get it together I

haven't put a brush to canvas in 6

weeks maybe should go into

cartoons bumper stickers there big oh

come on you're a painter not a printer

I'm beginning to wonder listen to you

you've got people waiting six deep in

line to buy your paintings yes I know I

know I know right now I'm a pain in the

neck but I I just feel like I'm all

painted out you're not painted out

you're a pain in the neck maybe but

that'll

pass I don't know I feel like I could

win first place in the bummer ball oh

Ross stop that now come on I'm serious

this block is ruining our relationship

we're going through a rough time now

that's all ah maybe you're

right every artist gets a block right

right even Picasso got a block one day

right right well it's got to pass right

right

right I wish I could believe

you how would you feel if I just forgot

about this switching thing huh no no you

got to do what you got to

do okay I've got a great idea I'm going

to be playing out my fantasies for a

week so why don't you make a change just

get in your sailboat and go down the

coast and unwind soon you break your

block the sooner we'll be back to normal

that could uh yeah that could work I

could break my block I could paint

again I get a little color Kate you're

the

best you really think I'm the best oh

yes ma'am in

everything uh what do you have in

mind um let's just say have another

great

idea now sweetheart with my being gone

you're going to have to take believe me

mother we'll adjust well after all this

is this is going to be one of the few

times we've ever been separated and you

kids are going to miss

me you are going to miss me aren't you

of course we'll miss you now you just go

over to Auntie Kate's house and relax

I'll keep everything here under

control adolesence is going to be

rough this is the key to the toy

okay this is the key to the front door

this is the key to the garage all right

now this key turns the burglar alarm on

and this key turns the burglar alarm off

okay you're

home oh well this is it huh we're really

going through with

this

yep we're really going through with

this now you're going to be fine I told

them all about you so there's nothing to

worry about listen you answer a couple

of telephone calls and initial some

memos and you're an editor okay gang

hold it I want you to meet your new

editor-in Chief Lacy

cobbert here it is Bab there's your

office I feel like a little kid on the

first day of school you'll be fun it's

all yours

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

hi I'm Alice Wright your depressed

assistant hi Kate tell me all about you

did she put me down forget it I don't

want to know here's your schedule for

this

week wow no wonder Kate never got

married cocktail parties

interviews talk shows I've always

fantasized being on one of

those I had a fantasy

once I just want you to know that the

whole idea of you taking over the

magazine is a big Joke Man oh well I

didn't I am going to save the day you're

quitting I finally got that interview

Kate was dying for the most unusual

chick author ever WR interview with Flo

yep she also wants to talk about us

getting the exclusive serialization

rights on our new book listen if Kate

wants it that's all I need to know let's

get right on it already it's like

working on The Daily

Planet don't you ever get cold walking

around like

that so tell me the truth did Kate put

me

down

[Music]

ouch this is like trying to steer the SS

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Poseidon hello I'm Kate Fleming you must

be uh inz right let's get one thing

straight I don't do

windows Hello darling Oh are we going to

have a good time playing you and Auntie

Kate aren't we oh ter oh

terrific yes uh you can take him you'll

get used to it I'm

sure well

and in the entire San Fernando Valley

you don't know one single guy huh well

I'll uh I'll think about it Alice I I

really will look I'll take divorced and

if you twist my arm married I'm discreet

oh one other thing um a photographer is

going to come by and take pictures of

your switch for the Sunday supplement oh

isn't that exciting they're doing an

article on me you know I always thought

my house had a shot at the magazine set

but never me me on my house never had a

shot L Dr Sydney King don't uh worry

about my column and just you know

fussing around with the title what do

you think of uh things you were afraid

to ask Mother well good it'll be on your

desk by noon that's 3 eastern

time just pretend I'm not here just keep

doing what you've been doing no no no

move around a little animate um oh uh

here uh a copy of my latest

book pardon my Primal well uh thank you

well I uh expect it read by tomorrow it

could uh change your life I've already

changed my life once today I um I I'll

read it I

will and uh we'll discuss it over drinks

tomorrow oh well I don't

I

come on Lacy a little activity we want

these pictures to have

Des

um Katie these pictures are going to be

boring can you get the kid to cry bite

your tongue I just got him to stop I had

to make him cry thanks a lot Missy

another time I'm afraid you'll have to

do without the tears who the kids are

mine so Auntie Kate how did you evaluate

your first day here I love it I

absolutely love it it's a whole new

world let's see uh tomorrow I have my

first PTA meeting and then I've got the

woman's auxiliary Fashion Show on

Thursday Thursday uh-huh Thursday just

happens to be Robbie's birthday really I

tell you what you make out a list of the

people to invite and we'll just have our

own little party

okay how's this

heaven

[Music]

oh oh well I didn't want to fire

anyway

hi well who are

you Lacy

Colbert now it's your turn H oh uh Ross

uh

Kate's painter painter yes

oh boy oh what sit down well Kate told

me all about you you've uh started this

switch thing already I thought it was

going to be later in the week oh no no

we started it this morning oh well then

these must be for you honey oh thank you

dear well let's see now all I'm stuck

with is a dinner reservation are you

hungry oh well I don't know about that

you see Kate and I only agreed to switch

houses and jobs and families well she's

taking care of your kids isn't she yes

well then you're stuck with me I'm

Kate's family oh now look Ralph uh Ross

right Ross stuck with covers a pretty

big area oh only about

62 oh well u k Kate and I never

discussed that part of it now listen

listen I have a date tonight with Kate

you are for all intents and purposes

Kate right

well I I I didn't I I really I didn't

think I was going out tonight as you can

see I'm hardly dressed for the occasion

oh it's no problem we'll stay here I

stay here a lot as a matter of fact you

are every bit as lovely as Kate said you

were only your face is

dirty yes well I I took a

tumble uh hey hey let's call K huh yeah

let's call

Cate well you uh here you talk to her

and we'll surprise her and meanwhile

I'll take care of the Telltale dirt

right oh good K good hello hi

Ross guess who I'm with I give up

Lacy

Lacy I I uh I thought you'd be Sailing

by now well you know since you've

switched lives I kind of thought i' get

in the spirit of things too why not

right we're all in us

together well I guess we

are where is your friend Lacy oh in the

bathroom freshening up she just took a

little

tumble did she light up a cigarette

after her

tumble I don't think

so hey here's the dynamite lady now you

you look terrific no Telltale here talk

to Kate Hi Kate oh Ross is so sweet he

brought me flowers how thoughtful and he

called me honey well he only calls me

honey when

um never mind Hey listen if I wasn't

married listen Lacy um do whatever you

want to do I mean after all if we're

going to switch lives we might as well

go all the way right jeez I wish I was

that liberal with my

Randy you're really something Kate you

really are I admire you well that's me

good old liberal with my Ros Kate so how

are things going oh fine fine

everything's uh under

control yes area code 213 please hey

come on buddy we're going to miss the

pecky cedar seminar please Rex I'm

trying to get my wife why still busy huh

no no thanks operator I'll uh I'll try

again later thank you R elf you're a

lucky guy you know I wish every time I

call my wife her line was

busy Kate I'm really glad we switched

lives yeah I am too lace I'm I'm really

glad well look I I'll talk to you

tomorrow okay okay

yeah gee Kate I'm really glad we

switched

lives well you ought to be Lacy you've

taken it about as far as you can take

it but I'm not bugged no why should I be

bugged I've got an open

relationship very

open I'm going to leave first thing in

the

morning I'm sorry about dinner tonight

well it's not that Kate would have

minded oh no Kate wouldn't mind she's

wonderful about things like that yeah

isn't she terrific oh she really I I'm

just not ready for that I'm I'm sorry

yeah have a good trip huh have a good

switch okay

[Music]

bye-bye

uhoh

Breezy is it's all right

Breezy go go back to sleep go back sleep

I'll

uh I'll I'll sleep sleep in the living

room it's all right I don't mind I don't

mind I'll sleep anywhere

I'll go back to

sleep go to

sleep you ask for it

Kate nobody told you you had to

switch

so life goes

[Applause]

[Music]

on and on and on and

[Music]

on

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

and I got an obscene phone call last

night collect that's awful did you hang

up no I accepted the charges then he

hung up well anyway Morgan's going to do

that interview with that lady Arthur

tomorrow but we still need someone to do

the article on the Williams the exj

movie

star boy would I like to take a crack at

him yeah me too nah probably hate me

everybody does I don't hate you you

will oh we shov that piece on our Petite

restaurant why well the place is just so

in no one in our staff could even get in

and if we tell them with the magazine

then they'll give us special treatment

and we won't be able to judge the food

fairly I wonder why that guy hung up on

me I mean he couldn't even see me theu

Williams is a

biggy Hey listen call him and see if he

can meet me at one and then call La

Petit and make a reservation for two

under his name see I'll do both stories

are you sure you're going to be able to

handle it I mean besides everything else

you got that radio talk show tomorrow

you could hardly keep your eyes open now

oh sure I can handle it I just have to

start getting more than 45 minutes sleep

tonight

how was it oh your book oh Sydney I'm

terribly sorry I didn't get a chance to

read it we were supposed to discuss it

over drinks there's probably something

very psychological well I'll read it

I'll read it I'll read it oh then we're

on for tomorrow huh I know this groovy

little spot that many of my colleagues

in Psychology frequent and I'll bet

instead of booths they have couches oh

you've been there I don't like it anyway

they charge you by the hour instead of

by the drink but then uh we can always

find another

spot oh that's that that's Kate's

private

line Kiss

Kiss hello hello hello I can hear you

yeah Lacy this is Ross Ross do you have

to yell I'm calling ship to shore but

the connection's fine oh so how you

doing fine just just fine how do you uh

like running the m magazine oh I love it

I love

it

aross why are you calling me I uh I want

to call Kate but I forgot to get her

number from you last night oh I can give

you the number you think she's home now

oh yeah right at this very moment I'll

bet she's relaxing over a cup of coffee

listen Mr

um fix it the electric company has

already been here and they've turned on

that main thing whatever it is but they

don't fix refrigerator or vacuum

cleaners look forget it forget it no

really forget I even

cold oh

Robie I wish somebody would put their

arms around me and hold me anybody home

yeah hey kid are you

decent yeah what a mess oh I don't blame

my Nez for hanging up her mom I gave her

the day off I thought I could do it

myself you must be Lynette Robbins right

yeah am I glad to see you oh excuse me

one second so so tell me was it you or

Lacy who dreamed up this hair brain

scheme H well I would love to blame the

whole thing on Lacy but unfortunately it

was Mutual I'd um off you a cup of

coffee but among other things The

Percolator isn't working but we don't

have the time why well didn't Lacy tell

you this is our afternoon to open up the

thrift shop I

forgot listen darling I don't mean to be

a binski but since you asked I suggest

you put on a face huh I can't I can't

leave now I mean I've got to feed Robbie

I've got to find an electrician and I'm

going to have to track down an isz oh I

give you some advice if you track her

down you offer her a raise yeah really

the keys the keys oh is the key to the

thrift shop on this yes it is I'll open

it up for you oh you're

wonderful I hope I didn't screw you up

Lynette oh listen kid that was no

problem oh good now I'm going to pick

you up at 2:00 and take you to the the

PTA meeting good I'll be ready uh listen

darling sure I don't want to be a binsky

but since you asked I suggest you wear a

nice suit you know scarf nothing fancy

but then nothing funky either you stick

with me kid I'll get you through this

debacle you don't even have to say thank

you I knew I could depend on you of

[Music]

course don't worry about it you can't

hurt it

oh no oh L wait you've got my keys and

look

out

a I knew I could count on

you

[Music]

terrific

Mr

Williams say baby how you doing I'm Lacy

CT from she magazine I'll

subscribe oh oh no no no I I'm here to

interview you oh yeah right on

please thank you Andre my man botle your

best with the bubbles baby yes we so

we beautiful

cat yes he seems very competences I left

him that tuxedo as a

tip so uh let me tell you something

babe what's

happening oh Robbie

Robbie Robbie darling it's all right

Andy Kate's here Robbie

[Music]

momy

oh sweetheart I'll be right in don't

worry about a

thing still busy no now nobody's home

what's a big deal oh it's no big deal I

guess I'm just feeling guilty you know I

think I've been taking my wife for

granted lately believe me Randy they

love

it

[Music]

all right let's

go that's it lady

freeze I try to make my films a

beautiful personal statement I don't

appear in movies as a black man but as a

man and what is the title of your

late your latest film two black

Fists

[Music]

I know it's a little hard to swallow but

it is the truth I mean I wouldn't

believe it myself if I weren't living it

it's like a felini movie who's felini

some Italian oh look guys I'd love to

continue this but um I'm late for a PTA

meeting and uh Robbie has to take a nap

here we

[Music]

go hold out don't worry baby I got it

cover

what is

this do you think we should ask for

another

table oh well I'm sure it will be

unanimous but just as a formality let's

have a show of hands hold it Mrs Bennett

I'm sorry that we're late I'm Lacy

Cobra's proxy I I wonder if you could uh

just sort of fill me in on on what we're

voting

on oh on burning these books now all in

favor please oh excuse me I'm I'm sorry

I I thought you said burning these

books I did now all in favor please now

wait a minute this is UN no you

listen this country must be in a pretty

sorry

State I feel like I'm living in some

kind of shell or something I thought I

knew what was going on in this world and

here you folks are sitting out here in

Suburbia burning the classics how dare

you

dear we have to burn them why because

they are falling apart and destroying

them is the only way the state will

allow us to buy new

ones it's a good reason now may I see a

show of

hands

one

two oh I'd say overall I had a kind of U

layback

day actually my uh my day was kind of

uneventful too H how are the kids

great how's everyone at the office oh

terrific well we don't seem to have much

to say to one another what's that

supposed to mean that this is a boring

conversation I think we had more to talk

about when we were ourselves well Hey

listen if you want to switch back just

say the word why would I want to switch

back do you want to switch back no I

don't want to switch back well me

neither well listen Kate I I better go

to bed I I'm kind of tired oh don't

forget to listen to me on the radio

tomorrow oh that's right you're doing

that talk show aren't you good luck

thanks good night Kate good night lace

talk to you

tomorrow

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

don't understand what I'm trying to you

please please everybody I I can't hear

with everybody talking at

once thank you Lacy we're in the sewer

which is home for me but don't you think

we ought to call Kate oh absolutely not

I can handle it you sure handle the

Williams man we not only lost the

article but the owner of La Petit

Restaurant dropped their account account

advertising just notified us that the

owner bought a double page ad yesterday

morning and canell it yesterday

afternoon well and he's billing the

magazine for your

damages I'm quitting fantastic no no no

no no I am

serious

why because you haven't read my book at

least she made one smart

move now listen listen anybody can have

one bad day doctor I'll read your book

and we'll get together later Alice you

call the restaurant try to get the owner

and try to patch things up for me huh

Morgan we'll replace the laroo Williams

article with the one you're doing on the

female

author now staff the important thing is

that we all stick together

right yeah I've underlined the good

[Music]

parts I still think we ought to call

Kate nah let's just let her twist slowly

in the

[Music]

wind I just cannot believe that that

awful Mrs Bennett's husband's an

important client of ry's no not a client

darling he runs the conglomerate that's

trying to buy ry's company that's why I

think that we should call Lacy no

absolutely not I can handle this myself

well you've been doing a terrific job so

far you wait and see I'm going to win

Mrs Bennett over at this fashion show if

there's one thing I do know it's fashion

well the kitchen's done and so am I what

does that mean it means I'm quitting or

avoir you can't quit

inz watch me well you cannot find good

help nowadays

oh in please please wa you can't leave

me now I can't make it without you you

don't seem to be doing so hot with me

but I'm new at this you weren't such a

great M at first honey when I was 4

years old my mama stuck a dust rag in my

hand and said go to It Girl by 5 I was

in the domestics Hall of Fame no no it

no please please please don't abandon me

now I'm beging you well I guess you're

right I owe it to Mrs Colbert to hang in

there thank

you I just hope you run a magazine

better than you do a

household now what time is this party

you're throwing for

Robbie no I completely forgot what am I

going to do don't look at me I'm just a

hired help what am I going to do simple

you just call a caterer right not now in

a hurry she just going to take a second

I'm going to call David

tro he can do

anything can he find your new cleaning

lady oh stick with me in Nez you're not

going to have to do anything for the

party David is the best cater in Beverly

Hills hello Davey this is Kate well um

I'm desperate I need a children's party

this

afternoon yeah no I don't care anything

anything just as long as it's the

best Dave you are

Heaven it's a breakthrough we're having

a breakthrough

here you know Rex yeah pal today is my

son's birthday can we talk about that

another

time I really miss

Lacy my wife Lacy oh yeah

[Music]

Lacy hi Thrill Seekers this is the bill

balance show today my outstanding guests

are two delectable delegates from the

distaff side now first of all let's

greet the long languid list and light

and lovely Lacy Colbert who has turned

in her mops for a magazine and for one

week is trading lives with the editor of

she magazine Hi Lacy hi Bill alone at

last and now let's give a super

salutation to a young woman who's made

an even bigger switch she started out

hustling in a house of ill repute ended

up writing her soon to be released

autobiography the joy of hooking she is

ex Madam and now author flow more Savage

let's have at it ladies

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oh well here it

goes hello there hello how are you uh do

you mind if I join you hello Lynette um

I'll just uh get a chair oh here's one

well how is everybody excuse me want

Tove just a little bit not get

ready

good

okay

well oh yes Bill I'd say that most of my

J clientele were married men what about

a lacy as an editor and housewife do you

think that most married men stray off

the canbial turf

well I I can't speak for anyone but my

husband Randy and I know he doesn't

Randy Randy tall darkhaired guy likes to

fool around with leather he's tall and

dark but he's allergic to leather oh

that's a shame I know so many randies

I'm sorry I'm late I seem to be running

a little behind schedule being a

housewife is a lot tougher than I

anticipated oh Lois you've been looking

for a tennis outfit now that one would

go perfectly with your court um I'm I

may be a little out of place at book

burnings but uh when it comes to Fashion

that's my

turf these clothes are the

worst you think

so

terrible who coordinated this circus

anyway I

did well that's very interesting

sweetheart let let's kind of explore

Randy doesn't he have a little mole on

the inside of his left knee no he

doesn't and I find your whole attitude

offensive well I refuse to take such

abuse I forgot people usually have to

pay you for that privilege Now ladies

not so much dignity this is a casual

show oh but it's certainly not your

fault Mrs Bennett oh that's very

reassuring oh my goodness no it's the

clothes now I don't know who laid these

outfits on you the clothes are from cves

of California there you see that I knew

that the lowest do you know something I

just finished an article about them for

our magazine they are total ripoff

artists well my husband will be very

interested to hear that really who is

your husband

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Clive I tried I tried to warn you oh my

life I mean Lacy's life is a complete

disaster oh

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no hi elce oh hi Morgan hey did you hear

me on the talk show I heard you yeah I

really nailed that lady didn't I yeah

you really nailed her hey what are you

doing here oh I am here for that

exclusive

interview well excuse

me you know the one with the unusual

female author and uh the exclusive

serialization rights for she

magazine

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that's it I'm I'm done Kate I'm coming

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home

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excuse me Rex I think uh this should

cover my tab where you going going home

to my

wife Kate

Kate Kate I I was just about to to call

you listen tell me um how are how are

things going there uh well that's what I

was going to call you about uh you

obviously missed Lacy's talk show huh

yes I did oh hold on minut yeah yeah

I'll be right out just a second listen

I've got to split just tell me really

quickly how did it go well let's put it

this way it should get a big

grading I knew

it right I'll be there uh I'll talk to

you tomorrow okay babe right bye

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wouldn't you know here I am screwing up

Lacy's life and she's taken mine and

become a

superstar now Kate's just breathing

through my life as a

housewife I finally got my shot at the

publishing world and I've totally blown

it and that's that's why I came to you I

uh I figured that you'd had uh dealt

with this sort of thing before and uh

that you might give me some

advice you come to the right

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person come on hey wait a minute where

are you going home but the party just

began I hope you enjoy it I've never

seen seen such an incredible display of

overindulgence the clown wasn't even

funny well it it may be a little bit

ostentatious but the kids are having a

terrific

time thanks for

coming don't look to me for reassurance

but why are they so angry because from

now on all of our parties are going to

have to Top This up until now our kids

were satisfied with a balloon and a

Twinkie I'll call you later I won't be

home

mommy mommy oh Robbie oh Robbie

sweetheart come on yes did he scare

you maybe you're right I've been taking

myself pretty

seriously which is what I do most of the

time well you should loosen up a little

I suppose so go with the

flow I love you pardon me let me make

Love to You Lacy I know you might be

insecure about it but trust me I'm

sensitive I'm tender you're crazy

excellent reaction just excellent you

see the way I was acting was crazy but

you have very good perception excellent

just

excellent now um tell me um what sort of

an approach would you respond to what

does this got to do with my problem see

uh first we have to find your problem

but so far your responses have been

excellent just

excellent now uh tell me uh what do you

think of um of nude therapy get out you

know all I asked was if you ever heard

of it you don't think that I'd practice

it even though I hear the results have

been excellent I would never think

doctor I'm married so am I have you ever

heard of extramarital therapy have you

heard of begging therapy oh please get

up you shouldn't act like this why not

well be because you're a doctor no I'm

not a doctor

I'm going to tell you something that

only a few close friends in the da know

I'm a phony I got my degree for $5 from

a diploma Mill you're kidding no I'm

also a minister oh my god look I I I'm

sorry I I've given you the wrong

impression I've been doing a lot of that

lately as a matter of fact giving

everybody the wrong impression including

myself you ever heard of loser

therapy just seemed like such a great

idea switching

lives

I remember when I was in college I used

to dream of getting married and settling

down having kids I always wanted to be

miss

somebody

oh N I just don't know how I'm going to

make it until

Saturday I'll switch lives with you I'll

switch with

anybody I hate you

and I hate

you and I know I'm not supposed to say

this to a plant but I hate you

too hello hello lace oh hi Kate how are

you super how are you oh wonderful

really oh

absolutely oh my goodness that's the

best move I could have ever made I could

go on like this for eons so could I for

eons it's given me a whole new

perspective really in what

way well you you should know it's your

life well your life has certainly opened

up my eyes

too so I um thought you had a cocktail

party tonight oh I um but I um I decided

against it why well you said yourself

it'd be a drag

remember you wanted to take over my

responsibil

well you wanted to take over my

responsibilities mine at least are fun

well let's not go right to fun oh yours

are so great oh you could go on like

this for eons right don't put words in

my mouth Kate those are your words Lacy

why did you call I've got enough

aggravation well don't blame me well who

should I blame you're the one who

thought up this whole Fiasco well I

didn't exactly have to twist your arm

did I just say the word kate just say

the word and I'll give give you back

your insane life well it's a hell of a

better alternative than living in

Suburbia listen I am absolutely

exhausted and I don't feel like arguing

tomorrow morning bright and early I will

get up I will pack my bags and I will

turn you and yours back over to youness

that sound fair very good so as of

tomorrow morning the switch is over

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ciao Kate sleep sleeping in my bed and I

have to spend another miserable night on

those pillows and on my son's second

birthday no

way

Breezy well Bree you're finally getting

rid of me

tonight yeah I know it's been rough on

both of us we've gotten on each other's

nerves a

lot but I'll tell you one thing if I

ever see you you again I

promise I'll kill

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you

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caby thank

you

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okay

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a

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o

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w

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la

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ah

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uh

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la

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you still fit together like two spoons H

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lazy Kate what the hell are you doing

here Randy leave please just leave what

do you mean leave this is my home my

bedroom where's Lacy oh well uh

well actually it's it's really very easy

to explain Randy you see um Lacy and I

sort of um switched

lives uh which entailed her going to my

house

and

seemed like a terrific idea at the time

sounds like you a Tipsy

drunk Ross hi Kate oh rossing listen uh

I can explain this whole thing this

isn't what you think it is uh it's okay

honey no um I'd like you to meet Randy

Randy is Lacy's husband that's cool I I

understand uh

here Ross

h i don't believe this you're not even

mad at me why would I be mad at you I'm

mad at you oh hey now listen honey I

trust you me you wouldn't do anything

wrong would you no well then why would I

be mad at you because if I found you in

bed with another woman I would be

furious oh my god oh for Pete's sake

you're not supposed to be here till

tomorrow

obviously Randy I never would have

expected this of you Lacy you probably

do have a mole on your left knee I know

this isn't the time to say Hi Lacy but

oh that's right you two know each other

don't you out out everyone out of my

house and that includes you Lacy this is

ridiculous now would you is this A Min

no a Mina is three would you please go

back to bed young lady now look Lacy

I'm

excuse me yeah yeah see you

later Randy you get out of my house not

until we've had a talk there's nothing

to talk about now please get out of the

house Lacy this whole evening has been

absolutely unbelievable oh this whole

week has been unbelievable I fly home

early from New York to surprise you only

to find out that you've gone ahead and

switched lives now why did you do that

switch

yes because I wasn't happy happy you've

got everything you ever

wanted I don't have what Kate has a

career see we uh we switched lives so

that we could see how the other half

lives oh I'll admit it was was somewhat

of a

disaster but I I did learn one thing

Randy I learned that there's more to

life than washing dishes and changing

diet ERS oh look ly now you see one day

one day the kids are going to grow up

and leave and I'll be sitting over there

in that kitchen waiting and wondering if

my kids are going to call and say hello

I'm wondering if you'll come home in a

good

mood I can't live my whole life for

other people Randy nobody can and when

it's all said and done I I don't want it

to read that Lacy Colbert's biggest

contribution was scrambling an

egg I guess that that really won't be

your problem anymore will it

Randy now that you have

Kate oh will you stop with Kate I came

home early because I missed you and

because I felt

guilty I guess somewhere in the back of

my

mind I knew you weren't totally

happy and I guess I really haven't

helped matter that much I mean I'm so

preoccupied with work you probably think

I care more about Becky Cedar than I do

about you well I don't I care about

you I guess I'm just like a lot of

people

lately somewhere along the line I've

screwed up

priorities what I'm asking you for now

is a

pardon well there is such a thing as

giving a person too much Freedom Kate

you're the one who's always said you

needed Freedom well not so much that I

feel I'm not even wanted what that's

crazy it isn't crazy it is not you got

so tied up with your painters BL you

forgot I even existed maybe that's why I

got the Block in the first place I don't

know what you

mean I mean we were both so wrapped up

in our own lives we we were forgetting

about each

other anyway I broke my

block I'm glad yeah

yeah what about Lacy there was nothing

just a one night stand are you kidding

more than one night no nights no nights

no nights but I don't understand wa we

Kate you're the one who say oh let's

take this switching thing all the way

well I didn't mean that I just didn't

want you to think I was clinging to you

and being dependent all the time listen

the bottom line is I don't want to lose

you I don't want to lose you

either

but you know something what if we're

going to make a go of it things have got

to change like what like we've got to

stop being so cool with each other huh I

mean get in my way once in a while tell

me I'm wrong I really do get the feeling

that you don't love me you're

wrong okay H got a confession to make

what that the guy in the

shorts did make me a little nervous a

little nervous very

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nervous

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I need my

keys they're in the

kitchen here they are thank you you're

welcome

Kate yes

um I I think I ought to tell you that uh

I left a few unresolved problems at the

office oh well

um you might find a few things around

here too that aren't quite together but

uh nothing you can't

handle

well I guess maybe this wasn't such a

hot idea after all I guess

not listen Lacy I'm sorry I suggested

the whole thing in the first place oh

come on I was into it 100%

well the whole experience opened my eyes

to a lot of things anyway

and me

too well let's get right to it Lacy are

we still friends you kidding after all

we've been through

together oh

you everything patched up I hope so what

do you think lace I think I left my keys

in the house oh oh no no problem I know

how to get

in oh no Ross that's not a very good

idea Ross Randy don't let him open the

window it's too

late

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great

you know this is the first time I have

ever taken a vacation without planning

it 6 months in advance it's good for you

honey you can use a

switch

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pap

a