Original subtitles

(KIDS CHATTER)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

JULIA MORRIS: Welcome to Class Clowns Academy.

On this hallowed ground

I have gathered six of the country's finest comedians and probably...

..worst students.

Divided into three houses,

they'll compete in pairs in a series of thrilling assignments...

Go fill it up! Go fill it up! Agh! Agh! Come on!

This is it!

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

..that are based on actual school subjects.

(CHEERING) You got that answer correct.

Thank you. But I'm still gonna zap you.

No!

Agh! Oh!

You will have to perform your scene with English accents.

(THICK NON-ENGLISH ACCENT) Yah, it's 1987.

(BOTH CHORTLE)

LUKE: We are here to talk about...

Pube! Erty!

(LAUGHTER)

NINA: Amelia Egghart.

DAVE: Launch!

Oh!

Oh, no! (LAUGHS)

House points and merit certificates will be handed out each day

during the report card.

You guys are the winners of today's merit certificates.

Let's get our certificate-holding hands ready.

It's Raygun!

(CHEERING) And at the end of term

one house will claim the ultimate prize -

the coveted Class Clowns Cup.

This show's supposed to be funny, but I just want to win.

I'm Principal Julia Morris,

and six of your favourite comedians are about to get schooled.

Welcome to Class Clowns.

(KIDS CHATTER)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)

Good morning, students.

Welcome to your first day at Class Clowns Academy.

We have a big day of Biology and Drama ahead.

Please make your way to the classroom immediately.

I didn't love school, but, um... so, it's good to be back.

The last time I was at school was 1988,

so, the Bicentennial years.

Were you alive? NINA: I wasn't alive, no.

My parents hadn't even met yet.

Oh, my God.

We went to the same school.

Yeah. Brisbane State High.

Years apart. And look at us now.

(CHORTLES)

Well, well, well.

Good morning, students.

ALL: Good morning, Principal Morris.

Welcome to the Class Clowns Academy.

Let's call the roll.

David Hughes?

Here, Miss.

Nina Oyama?

Present.

We're The Bin Chickens, and we're here to do what?

Win. Win.

We're gonna... You know, we're gonna turn trash into treasure.

Yeah. Just like all bin chickens do.

The magnificent Becky Lucas, are you here?

Here.

Is Matt Okine here?

Not here, Miss.

BOTH: And we're The Cane Toads.

Lick my back, I dare ya. Agh!

Well done. Bron Lewis.

Present.

Luke McGregor. Present.

We are The Redbacks.

Very proud to be Redbacks. Ooh, yeah.

I think a spider would beat a cane toad and an ibis.

Yes, even if the cane toads had knives.

Oh! (CHUCKLES) That's when you know you're in trouble.

Before we begin your very first assignment,

it's time for Show and Tell.

Show and Tell today -

I would like to get to know a little bit

about what you guys were like at school.

And, based on this photo of a young Hughesy here,

obviously I have a series of questions.

Yes, just like the Hemsworth brothers.

(ALL LAUGH)

NINA: Which one is you?

I was actually the bigger one, even though my brother's two years older.

I mean... No.

You're looking like you're going up on the Starship Enterprise to me

in the skivvy.

(ALL LAUGH)

Alright, hopping along.

Luke McGregor.

(PUFFS)

Let's have a little look at Luke's school days.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

OK, you've gone with the OG Carreras here.

Yeah, I was always, like, right on the zeitgeist, right on the edge.

I just want to give a shout-out

to a time where you couldn't delete photos,

and so, you know, that's the photo that his mum would have deleted

if she had got to look at it.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Sorry I'm not wearing a turtleneck.

(ALL LAUGH)

Let's have another...

Is there another snap? Let's have a little look.

Oh! OTHERS: Ohh!

OK, glow up.

That's me at, like, 17, I think.

Still a virgin. What? This photo?

I had a lot of school crushes.

And did they ever like you back? No.

I'm so sorry. No, no, no.

Um...

No, I was a virgin until I was 25.

Becky. Oh, no.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

And if I'm not mistaken,

I feel like your photo is in and around the formal.

Let's have a look. Possibly.

Oh, yeah. Oh, whoa.

Two dates? Oh!

Why are there two men standing next to you at the formal?

Well, yeah, like, if you take two 5s, you can take a 10.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Which is what the guy on the right is thinking.

Oh! (OTHERS LAUGH)

Shut up, Matt!

Sorry. (LAUGHS)

That's all we're gonna have a little look at today.

I think as we move through...

(OTHERS LAUGH)

That's not... Yeah... So cute!

Can we take... That's meant to be off the screen.

Is that you? You know what?

Even still I get letters from the thyroid association

telling me that I've got thyroid issues.

And I have to write back to them and say,

"No. No, it's a fatty neck."

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Remove that from the screen, please.

Because we have got points to earn,

let's get our schooling started, guys.

Alright, today's very first assignment is Biology.

It's a study of living things.

So, let's look alive!

I love biology.

Like, we're all biology.

Like, made of biology, basically.

Nah. Look, I'm not into biology,

that's why I have accidentally... What, are you a robot?

..I've accidentally had three kids.

I don't know how.

Alright, my first question.

This is something you actually learn in Year 4.

Oh, great.

Which animal

has cubed-shape poo-poo?

What's cubed... Oh, God.

You know? Oh, yeah.

Is it a wombat?

That's what I was thinking as well.

I feel like I've seen wombat poo. It's not cubed.

Why is it cubed?

OK. (CLEARS THROAT) Ready, Miss.

Alright, teams, let's have our answers up.

Alright, Bin Chickens, your answer.

Echidna...

Yes. ..with the square poos.

You guys have gone with the wombats,

Cane Toads?

We've gone with the wombats.

Redbacks.

Wombat, of course.

You guys seemed very confident.

A couple of people were right, a couple of people were wrong.

(BUZZER) No!

Wombat is the correct answer.

Ah, yes! I'm so sorry.

Hughesy told me it was a wombat, and I was very against it.

There's fractured trust, Miss.

Well, I thought wombats did human-like poos

because I was on a farm the other week

and I saw what I thought was a wombat poo,

and they weren't cubed, they were...

So, that was probably a human poo. Yeah, that was...

I think there's no time like the present

to move on to our very next question, aimed at Year 7s.

OK. Ooh.

(READS QUESTION)

My son is colour blind.

Oh, really? Yeah, properly.

So, I should know this. He can never become a pilot.

Which is good. OK.

I have no idea. I think it's red and green.

Is that OK that I say that?

I don't know. Stop.

I know what you guys are doing.

Why would you look backwards?

I can feel your beady little eyes, like this.

This is literally where our eyes are supposed to go,

whereas you're making an effort.

Yeah, you just keep forward. Alright.

Looking at the front.

Let's see these answers.

It's green and red.

Red and green.

Red and green.

All three teams are correct.

I think it's possible if you've got cheaters

sitting behind you.

Oh, my God! What are you talking about?!

I wish I was colour blind right now so I couldn't see YOU.

(LAUGHS)

I wish I was Bron blind.

Um...

I was... I'm actually on your team, but I was doing Matt.

I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry.

OK, our final question, favoured by Year 10s.

Here we go. Alright.

How many main blood types are there, guys?

How many main blood types?

Let's write O-negative...

There's A, B and O.

I don't know.

A-positive, A-negative, B-positive, B-negative.

And then there's A, A, A.

Looks like you're writing battery types.

OK, teams, let's see our chalkboards, let's see our answers.

Bin Chickens, six blood types -

how did you arrive at that?

We know there's A, B

and O. O.

And I'm an O-negative universal donor.

Keep that in mind. I give to everyone.

Kill Dave first.

(OTHERS LAUGH) Well done.

Cane Toads, you've come up with eight blood types.

A... We thought A-positive, A-negative,

B-positive, B-negative,

AB, A-negative and AB-positive,

and then O-positive and O-negative.

Becky wondered whether there was H.

(LAUGHS) Um...

Interesting. Alright.

And, of course,

we have our Redbacks with 6.

You may have noticed we've covered a little loophole

that you maybe didn't see coming.

Less than, more than.

And equal to.

Our answer is now every number in existence...

(OTHERS LAUGH)

..meaning that we cannot get the answer wrong.

Checkmate, Miss.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Alright.

Cane Toads, you've taken it out.

Yes! Well done!

Yes! Good!

I guess we just got good blood.

Has Matt ever played a doctor in a series? You look like a doctor.

Oh. Thank you. I mean, I feel as smart as one.

Let's just say I know my way around the body.

(CHORTLES)

Detention!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Who did you play in Neighbours?

Nathan White, the wedding photographer.

Ah! Amazing.

His name was actually originally Nathan Black,

but they thought that was a little...

Too on the nose? A little bit.

..a little on the nose.

Guys, it is time for our Biology practical.

Matt, Bron, Hughesy,

I need you to get changed

into something a little less comfortable.

Off you go.

(DOOR CREAKS)

(LAUGHS)

I'm laughing at something else.

My eyes are up here, Miss.

Yes.

You've got another set of eyes as well that I can't take my eyes off.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Hughesy, how did the robbery go?

I mean, you left your face exposed.

Yeah, but you know I love being recognised wherever I go.

(BOTH LAUGH) You still want the validation.

I just want to be on the news.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

I am worried that the outfits

are bringing up more biological questions than we need.

Probably time that we get underway.

Shall we?

Alright. One student from each team will be the biologist.

Their team-mate will be the body.

The biologist has to correctly place bones and organs onto the body.

The body is not allowed to help in any way.

There's actually one thing that I should mention, though.

Those body suits will be electrified.

Every time the biologist places a body part in the wrong position...

(BUZZER)

..I'll administer an electric shock to the body.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

NINA: Oh! (LAUGHS)

Because you guys are looking so keen,

I think The Redbacks should show us how it's done.

Oh, my God, we're not doing that.

Relax and just enjoy the ride.

Nah.

Bron, I'm so sorry.

Oof. There you go.

(SCREAMS) I'm joking. Oh, that's...

No, it's good.

Alright, let's have a little look

at what you guys are gonna be biologically dealing with.

Here we go.

Please be the brain.

I mean, there's no way I'm gonna be the brain, but we'll give it a go.

It is the femur.

Shove it on.

Sorry, sorry.

I love it.

Alright, so, is the femur in this location?

Ohh!

Get ready.

It IS in the right location.

Clear the femur.

And we are gonna move on to another organ.

Well done, guys.

Oh, my God, I'm, like, genuinely nervous.

Fingers crossed for another femur.

(LAUGHS)

There we go.

That's bacon.

That's bacon, bacon.

Guys, that's the gastrocnemius.

Did you make that up?

I wish I did. I'm not that smart.

Well, then it's got to go in the stomach, right?

If it's 'gastro', then it's got to go on the stomach?

'Cause that's where all the gastro stuff happens.

Oh, I'm not helping you where it is.

I mean, technically you're not allowed.

Gastrocnemius.

This is not the first time

Luke doesn't know anything about a woman's body.

Someone's been reading my diary.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Maybe... Maybe... Maybe...

Maybe there?

There we go.

OK, I'm bracing myself.

Please! Please.

That's incorrect.

(BUZZER) What?!

Bron, I'm so sorry.

Here we go.

You don't have to do this, Julia.

You don't have to.

Good luck, love.

Oh! (SCREAMS) It got me!

It got me.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Where... How close was I?

Nowhere near it. Oh.

It is, indeed, your calf muscle.

Oh!

Bottom of the leg. Why the 'gastro'?

I guess sometimes when you get gastro

it goes down the back of your legs.

(LAUGHS)

Guys, fantastic job.

Now it's time for our Cane Toads. Please step up.

I did Biology, but I wasn't good at it.

What?!

OK, so, what I'm going to do

is that we are going to give you an organ.

Oh, I know.

No, that's a prostate.

Here, you just go...

(OTHERS LAUGH) You've got the gloves on. Come on.

So, that is the thyroid.

Yeah. It's...

Oh! Yeah, that looks right.

Alright, there you go, mate.

Alright, Cane Toads, you are...

..correct. Oh, my gosh! Really?

Yes! I cannot believe that. Well done!

Get that thyroid out, chuck it over there,

and we are ready to go.

Are you ready for your next organ? Oh, I'm so ready now. I'm amped.

Go. Alright.

It's the humerus.

Ooh! OK. Shove it on.

I don't know. What do you think?

I don't know.

Well, I don't know if I am allowed to...

You're just not allowed to...

It's an arm bone is what I'll say.

It is an arm bone.

And then that fits into that.

There you go.

Alright. Well...

Which is...

Funny bone? ..exactly where it is located.

Oh! Yes!

(OTHERS EXCLAIM) LUKE: Two for two!

DAVE: They could go all the way. Two for two.

Yes!

I tell you what's arresting me slightly

is the helping.

Obviously, in the rules we stated definitely

that there was to be no helping.

We did discuss the arm specifically during that time, didn't we?

I think you're right. He did kind of maybe give me too much of a hint.

Zap him! No, we're not zapping ya.

Zap him!

You got that answer correct. Thank you.

But I'm still gonna zap you. And this is how...

No!

Agh! Oh!

I just... I know... Do you know what?

You're all sicker than I thought it was gonna be.

No, it's cool. It's cool.

Because you know what that zapping didn't affect?

My memory.

And I'll remember.

I'm willing to cut

every single relationship I have with these flogs out there.

Gone. (LAUGHS)

The Bin Chickens,

let's have you. Yoo!

So, I'm really good at biology.

And you've got me, and I've grown tomatoes, so...

OK... From a seed.

That's horticulture, though, isn't it?

Is that biology? It's like kind of the same thing.

So, I just wanted to formally apologise to Hughesy.

I've never done biology before. No, you're not good at biology.

But he did tell me

that he doesn't feel pain and he just wants to feel something.

So... (LAUGHS)

Yeah, but I say...do hard things every day.

And I say crank it up.

Yeah!

So, I think Hughesy should get what he wants.

Crank it up.

You're quite old - I don't want to be, like, responsible

for killing Australia's favourite comedian.

But I'd love to die as Australia's favourite comedian,

so, if that's the case, it might have to be soon.

I think you're gonna do beautifully. Yeah.

I'm gonna find you a little organ.

Let's start with this one.

Very unusual piece.

Ooh!

What... OK.

This is called the palmaris longus.

Pulmonary? Is that like... Pulmonary gland.

So, maybe...

..around there?

Alright. Feel it. Do it.

Pull the trigger. Do it.

OK. Here we go.

I do believe it's incorrect.

It's what?

(LAUGHS) Just go for it.

LUKE: Crankin'.

No, I'm not gonna... be no reaction here.

I'll look Miss in the eye while she does it.

Hang on a minute.

Oh, wow. That's very intense.

Not too weird?

Here we go. Alright.

Good luck, love.

Argh! Agh!

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Yeah, man, I couldn't even tell, Hughesy.

Is he alright?!

(OTHERS LAUGH)

I want to get your pulmonary longus

into the exact location. Yeah, put it in... Yeah.

Where is it meant to go? It's the inside of the forearm.

Oh!

Yeah, sorry.

There we go.

Yeah, the arm. I got there.

Hughesy, you're very brave.

Yeah. I'm brave. Yeah.

Do you still want it cranked up

or do you feel like you want to de-crank just a whisper?

No, crank it more! No!

You can crank it up a bit more. Crank it up. Yeah, crank it up.

Let's get involved with another organ, shall we?

Alright.

Oh. She loves the organ.

Ohh! Here we go. Full.

This is called the pancreas.

So, where is it?

Well, that is the tricky question.

Know where it is? Is it sort of near to the liver? No.

Can't ask, Nina. Trust yourself.

Alright. I feel like that's the pancreas.

And that...

It's in the wrong place.

Ohh! Here's what happens next.

Argh!

(MUMBLES DELIRIOUSLY)

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Are you alright?

I'm so sorry.

Are you alright? Yeah, I had a moment.

That moment's passed.

I'm good.

No, it put a spring in my step.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

Let's find out where that lovely pancreas is.

And if I'm not mistaken, and that may very well be,

this section... Right in the middle?

..for that pancreas. In the middle?

Yes, beside the heart, underneath the chest cavity.

So, I wasn't that far off.

You were close.

It's the highest I've jumped since I was, I reckon, 17. So, yeah.

Well done. But of course, there can only be one winner.

And that team today is The Cane Toads.

(APPLAUSE)

You each get a gold star.

Well done.

You get my first

stars for this class.

Guys, that does give you an advantage in the next assignment.

Ugh. What?

The team I want to beat is The Cane Toads.

They're just... They're so smug.

Then they got the gold stars,

and that just, like, cemented their status in their own minds.

It's now time to have your recess.

And when you come back

I want to see you refreshed and ready for more work.

Winning the gold star...

..is making me feel strangely confident, but...

I'm scared.

Is it a gold star or is it a target on our backs?

(KIDS CHATTER AND YELL AT PLAY)

Bro, are you alright under there?

I just don't want to get burnt.

BRON: You're acting pretty dramatic, Luke,

which actually is gonna be helpful because next class we've got Drama.

I'm gonna focus on Drama.

I think this could be good for my future.

I'm a dark horse

and I've been underestimated in my dramatic abilities.

This is Hughesy acting.

(IMITATES DAVE) Oh, to be or not to be -

that's the question.

I've always thought you'd be great as an actor.

Thank you.

But you just don't apply yourself.

I've gone for auditions for parts that were written FOR me.

Two movies were written in my voice that were meant to be for me,

and I missed out on both parts.

Is it because you auditioned and you didn't get them

or you just... Yep.

I'd carved out the room in my schedule because they told me to.

So, that was disappointing, I'm not gonna lie.

Ooh. Hello. Miss.

Oh, students, in you come.

Good to see you.

I actually was good at Drama at school.

Me and Nicole Kidman, you know.

Both went to the same school. North Sydney Girls.

Both...just...have won various awards in Drama.

Yeah. I got a certificate.

Yeah, she's basically won an Academy Award.

For this assignment

we are going to get you to do some serious acting.

(VOICE WAVERS) Acting is all about emotions.

In this part of the assignment

you'll have a half an hour to put together a short scene

depicting an emotional and pivotal moment from your high school career.

Points go to the team with the most wonderful performance,

the most moving performance.

And bonus points, of course, if you can make me cry.

Miss, are you actually upset or is this acting?

This is actoring.

Oh! Oh! Wow.

(APPLAUSE) No, that's... No.

No, that's true.

No, come on, I wasn't even really trying, to be fair.

(CHUCKLES) Here's the thing -

for this assignment,

Cane Toads, my sweet little teacher's pets,

you guys have the gold star,

so, you get to choose one of your opponents to receive a disadvantage.

Difficult decision.

Who would you like to choose?

(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)

(CLEARS THROAT)

I want to beat Hughesy.

I'm coming for the king.

Nina and Hughesy.

The Bin Chickens.

Terrible!

But here's the thing -

when you strike at the king...

..you MUST get the kill.

What IS the disadvantage?

I'm not good at accents, I must say.

Let's not have any accents.

They're one of my Achilles heels. Really?

You will have to perform your scene

with English accents.

Oh. (OTHERS LAUGH)

OK.

I have checked,

and it is one of the very, very, very few accents

you're allowed to do on television.

Alright, guys, good luck with writing your scene.

We will be on a hot standby to see your performances. Good luck.

I hated Drama.

Oh. Just kidding.

That was acting. I love Drama. (LAUGHS)

I don't want the others to watch us

and be like, "They think they need to go big."

A little bit of special sauce comes out right at the end.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

NINA: Do you want to play just yourself

and you don't have to be a puppet at all?

Yeah, I'm happy to do that.

OK, and I'll be the puppets. Yes.

This is a story from my secondary school.

I went to a Christian Brothers College,

and... Yep.

..a mate of mine was sitting next to me in class,

Religious Education class...

I'm gonna play myself.

You're playing... Yep, and I'll play the puppets.

You're playing Moose, my friend, and the teacher.

Yep? Yeah.

(LILTING ACCENT) I'm sitting there next... Oh.

Don't do the accent. David Attenborough but...

Don't do it. I can't do the accent.

Don't do the accent.

But I have to. I'll do the accents.

I know, but I'm meant to. I have to do the accents.

(GENTLE ACCENT) I'm here... (BOTH LAUGH)

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Matthew, I have to ask you something.

Yeah?

Are you gonna do an accent?

No.

Give me a little...

(FORMAL ACCENT) Matthew. (BOTH LAUGH)

Am I good at accents? (SCOFFS)

Give me a country.

China. Next.

(LAUGHS)

It's not NOT it.

OK. You know? (LAUGHS)

Here we go, the gorgeous Redbacks.

Love Drama.

BRON: Yeah, we live for it, us Redbacks.

I feel sorry for the other teams.

Yeah. And that's not acting.

This is a play based on something that actually happened to me

in Year 9 when I was 15 years old.

(LAUGHS)

When I was 15 I never really knew how much eye contact to make.

I found it very awkward.

I'm just like, "Why does everyone know how much eye contact to make

"and I don't? What's wrong with me?"

Possibly autistic.

Well, I WAS autistic, just didn't know back then.

Hello, class.

As you know, I'm Miss Brown, your English teacher.

Today we are learning about synonyms.

And, Luke, I'm gonna need you to look up at me.

Eye contact.

No, over here.

Luke, over here.

Eye contact.

There it is.

And, so, Mrs Brown...

So, synonyms.

..I stared directly into her eyes the entire class,

thinking that that was the correct move.

If you were to...

It was at this point I was worried -

"I think I'm making too much eye contact."

And in front of all the students she said...

Luke, this is too much eye contact, OK?

It's too much.

Luke!

Stop it!

(BOTH GASP)

That day I learned an important lesson.

BOTH: Don't be autistic.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) MATT: Wow!

BECKY: Beautiful. Wow!

When WERE you diagnosed?

A couple of days ago.

Yeah! It's fresh.

And now our mighty Cane Toads!

Bawk! Bok-bok-bok.

Bok-bok-bok-bok.

I am a chicken. I am an egg.

Ooh.

I am a half-Ghanaian boy coming home from school.

And I am a whole African man.

(LAUGHS)

(GHANAIAN ACCENT) How was your lunch today, Matthew?

Oh!

What? No? OK. Oh. Oh. (RINGS BELL)

There's so many times I've nearly been cancelled.

I just don't want that for you. You're too special.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

It's a good accent, though.

Yeah.

(NORMAL VOICE) How was your lunch?

For lunch every day

my dad would make me a chicken sandwich on multigrain bread

and a frozen popper.

And then he'd give me $5, and I would just throw the sandwich out.

How could I tell him the truth?

It was good.

Don't lie to me.

I'm not lying.

I found a whole week's worth of sandwiches in the bin.

In hindsight now I'm like, "Bro, that's so rude.

"This man's waking up at, like, 5.30 in the morning

"cooking you food and sandwiches

"just so they can go in the bin."

What's wrong with them?

You make sandwiches with frozen bread!

It's to keep them fresh.

No! Then you put them on frozen poppers!

Two frozen things can't thaw!

I thought there was time.

I could've just said,

"Hey, bro, you don't need to worry about the sandwiches."

Why didn't you just tell me? Because I was chicken!

BRON: Oh-ho-ho! Wow.

Whoo-whoo! That was amazing!

(APPLAUSE)

That's standing-ovation stuff. That was really good.

Alright!

Bin Chickens, we are about to get underway with your performance,

but, of course, bear in mind that disadvantage

of your accent that you will need to use all the way through,

a British accent.

Chookers...and the stage is yours.

Our story is called...

BOTH: Hughesy's Spiritual Awakening.

(THICK NON-ENGLISH ACCENT) The year is 1987.

(BOTH CHORTLE)

Year 11 Religious Education class.

(ALL LAUGH)

I sit down next to my mate Moose.

Hey, Moose.

Can we get subtitles for Hughesy?

(LAUGHS)

Been down at the boozer!

There's a brother, a Christian Brother, he's taking the class.

But I saw my mate Moose flicking spitballs at the brother.

Oh! Got him.

And eventually he sort of noticed that something was hitting him.

Who did that?!

Was it Moose?

No, Moose's head is down.

And I just sort of giggled a little bit then.

Who's that?! Who's laughing?!

Is it Hughesy?

He came up from behind me, I didn't even know he was there, and just...

Agh!

And I did not dob on Moose.

To this day, Moose, I kept your secret and took that punch.

What does Moose do now? He was a policeman.

So, yep. Yep. Oh.

So, he's got a gun. Yeah.

The end.

(APPLAUSE)

Well done.

Thank you. Wow.

I was just really interested to know what part of the UK the accent was.

It's an island just off the UK, which is yet to be discovered.

(ALL LAUGH)

I'm gonna get an Academy Award one day

and everyone's gonna go, "Yeah, we should have believed in him."

I don't know how old I'm gonna be, but I'm gonna be up there saying,

"See?"

That's a wrap on Drama class, guys.

I'm gonna finalise my marks right now

and I will see you guys all in my office

for your report card.

This is the first time we walk into the report card.

We'll either come first, second or third.

BECKY: Our performance had everything -

accents, emotion...

Chicken sandwiches.

What more do you want?

I think we...we're gonna win this,

and it's gonna shock everyone. Yeah.

Because of my vast ability at acting.

Students...

..welcome to report time.

You guys have had a big day,

and now it is time to check your results.

In Biology,

Cane Toads, you took out a gold star as I awarded you 8 house points.

Redbacks, you scored 5.

And, Bin Chickens,

it clearly wasn't your strongest subject,

but, Hughesy, you did redeem some bonus points.

You took those zaps like a champ.

Argh! Agh!

(OTHERS LAUGH)

And that WAS impressive. Well done.

I'll take more if there's more points in it, so...

I mean... ..think about it.

Ultimately, it all comes down to Drama.

Whatever accent you were doing, Hughesy,

I was captivated.

For that effort,

I scored you 6 house points.

Pretty good. Pretty good.

Redbacks, you told us quite an extraordinary story. It was amazing.

And I also scored you guys a 6.

Cane Toads,

gosh, I was moved,

not just emotionally -

physically, on just about all of the levels that have a 'lly' at the end.

And I gave you a 7.

So, your score is 15 points.

(GASPS)

Which means you guys win today's merit certificates.

Would you please come up and join me? Thanks, Miss!

Whoo! Yes!

Yes.

So we have to high five every time?

Yeah, I want to. OK.

Congratulations, you guys.

A merit certificate is no small feat.

Please go and join your other students.

Thanks, guys. That's actually... Well done.

Well done, Becky. Good work.

Until next time...

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) ..class dismissed.

Go quickly and quietly.

Thank you. Thank you, Miss.

Thanks, Miss!

Well done. See you tomorrow, Miss!

BECKY: Bron just took my certificate!

Give it back! Give it back.

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0