Original subtitles

Wait, Ben, something flew in my eye!

Something flew in my eye. Can you help?

Oh, ow. You all right? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You need to open your eye. Open your eye so I can see it.

Oi!

You feel good winning like that, yeah?

Really good. It feels amazing! PHONE BUZZES

Whew!

Oh, I don't have chlamydia!

Yay! I don't have chlamydia. Yay!

BEN LAUGHS No! No! Ben!

Whoa, you said you didn't want one.

I don't, I want a little piece of one. No.

That's not happening. Ah, I'm serious, Lil.

What? That's couple's shit.

So do you think that we're friends yet

or are we still just, like, flatmates who...

...used to go out?

Well, I kind of think we ARE friends.

Or like, close. Yeah? Yeah.

Very chic. Very French.

FRENCH ACCENT: Oh, yes, we used to date once.

C'est la vie, not any more.

FRENCH ACCENT: Ooh, oui, oui, oui. Yeah, c'est la vie.

Yes, in this modern world,

why must we discard with those that we once loved?

Ah, why must we only fuck one person?

Sorry.

Yeah.

So, how's your writing going?

Uh... it's not really going.

I'm getting pretty good at market research surveys, though.

Whoa, that's huge.

Careful you don't make your hobby your job.

PHONE CHIMES

Oh, my God.

"Grateful this Thanksgiving for poolside service

"and a beautiful view."

Why does my mom text like she has a full PR team.

Are you sad that we're not doing anything this year?

You like Thanksgiving, don't you?

Talking about what we're grateful for.

Yeah, cos British people get so weird.

Last year, you said gravy.

Gravy's the best.

Well, let's do it, then, next Friday.

We'll host a dinner party and invite a couple of people.

Invite the old gang from Leeds.

You don't think it'd be weird,

me and you doing that together? No, we're friends.

Friends have dinner parties, don't they?

Well, maybe we could do, like, a really, like, adult one.

Like, wine and napkins

and maybe that game where people put the paper on their foreheads?

Yeah, 100%. I mean, we're proper adults now, aren't we?

We go on jogs, we have dinner parties,

we don't have chlamydia. So true.

Here. Friends?

Hm.

Turkey's smelling all right.

Yeah, you found a good one.

Oh, my boss Owen overheard me inviting Kas from work,

so he might come also.

Mm, Kas from work?

Owt going on there or what?

What?

Friends, aren't we? Friends talk about that stuff.

Is he straight and single?

Why?

Well, hundred quid says he fancies you.

You've never even met him.

Yeah, I've met you though, haven't I?

Ben, can you not eat this?

Because there's no point to me cutting if you're eating. Why?

I'm just making sure. Don't eat it all.

Give it. If you're serving it I'm gonna make sure.

Hi. Sorry, door was open.

Oh. Ben said you might need these.

Oh, you're a hero. Hello. Hiya.

Thank you. That's nice. Have you met each other?

Yeah, hi. Frances, from upstairs?

Yeah. You picked up my parcel once.

Oh, yeah, the Amazon one.

Oh, I don't think it was Amazon.

I think... Well... Think so. No.

God, it smells really good in here.

I've never been to Thanksgiving. Is it just, like, a big roast?

Yeah, yeah, pretty much,

just without all the good stuff. And marshmallows, weirdly.

What, no Yorkshire puds? You gonna be all right, Yorkshire boy?

PHONE BUZZES

Hiya, Dad.

Frances, can I offer you some wine?

Oh, yeah. I actually brought some, but...

You're in the camper van? ...happy to go with either,

box or bottle. What do you mean?

You can't be... You're in London? Oh, Ben, don't...

What do you mean you're not here?

So, your flat is just like this one, I guess?

It's exactly the same layout, yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So your sink is just... Just there.

Yeah. And the door... Same place as well.

Can I help at all with that?

Oh... Yeah. Thanks, I have it.

I love your top.

Oh, thank you.

Um, it's handmade.

I usually try to shop responsibly.

Oh, wow, that's great. That's so...

This is Zara,

so handmade as well, in a way, I suppose. By kids.

Talented kids.

Dad, you can't... I've got to find somewhere

to park this bleeding thing. You're gonna get a parking fine. No.

Alan, try going round the back.

We've not cooked enough tea for... I'll drop your mum off.

No, it IS a nice surprise,

I was just wondering how you found out.

Oh, we bumped into Nic at the car boot.

DOORBELL RINGS - Course you did. - Sorry, just...

Not invited.

I won't be shut out of your life because of generational differences.

I don't care if you're in a pansexual, they/them polycule.

We're just not together, Mum. Mm.

You're very pretty. Aw.

Do you work on the TV?

Charity. Shame.

Hey, everyone, this is Owen, my boss.

Uh, he dressed up for Thanksgiving.

Br-r-r-r.

What's Boy George got to do with Thanksgiving?

I'm a pilgrim, from the great Thanksgiving harvest.

I mean, it was either this or a Native American so...

Glad you did this.

Um, Ben could you get Owen a drink?

I'm just gonna go check on the ol' bird.

Oh, don't worry, I'll do that.

Hello, you. You all right?

Hi. Hi.

Welcome, Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you so much.

Thank you for coming. Thanks for having me.

I made a turkey. I'm impressed. It smells great.

This is my house, of course. Yes.

And these are the hooks... Yeah.

...and this is the floor, and, uh, this is my ceiling, so...

Wow, I can even touch it. Wow.

I'm warning you now...

WHISPERS: ..Owen has come dressed as a coloniser.

Well, thank God I changed.

These are flowers, so... Got you flowers.

These ARE flowers. Mm-hm.

Thank you.

Hi, are you all right? Hey. You must be Kas.

Yes. I'm Ben. Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you.

Likewise, man.

I like your place.

And the floors and the light switch and stuff.

That's a nice shirt you've got on, mate. Flowers?

You shouldn't have bothered. Here, let me.

Cheers. I hope you're hungry. I'm starving.

Awesome. There's many things to eat.

This is Kas. MIXED GREETINGS

Hello, everyone. Oh, bloody hell, here he is, Mr Handsome.

I mean, I do a huge amount for Cancer Research -

fun runs, bake sales, sponsored jazz and tap.

As a survivor, you... I don't think you can call yourself a survivor.

Oh, right, it's called a pre-cancerous mole

because it's got nothing to do with cancer, is it?

Absolutely. Thank you.

Lil! Honest to God. Oh, I'll get that.

Lil! Somebody else that was invited? Coming!

Why have you got a face like a slapped arse?

Yeah, are you all right?

Why are you so late? Ah, sorry.

We've come all the way from Leeds, and then we couldn't find

the number, it's, like, really confusing and then also,

we "accidentally" went to Canary Wharf so Nic could "accidentally"

go on Hinge. Yeah, my Hinge is swimming in bankers named Tom

right now - it's great. OK, well, did you at least bring wine?

Please tell me you bought wine. Mine's in a box.

No, we didn't bring wine, we're not retired, but I did bring this.

What? Is that mushroom chocolate?

HE SCOFFS

Yeah. No, I said this was an adult dinner party.

Can't you just respect me?

Well, in that case, how would you feel if I invited Tom,

34, loves padel, tonight. Ooh, OK.

Ooh, hiya. Sorry, just grabbing some plates.

Fuck is that? That's Frances. Ben invited her.

Oh! Well I'm not gonna say nothing

cos yous will all call me dramatic... Shut up.

...but if I were to say something,

I would say, Ben needs putting on a register. I agree with that.

Stop. Don't put those thoughts in my head.

I'm not thinking that. I like her.

She's... she's nice.

And Ben and I are trying to be friends. Why?

You short on friends up here or something? No.

Right, come on, let's go meet your London mates, yeah?

Can you sit me next to someone fun, please?

Yeah, I wanna sit next to a proper nutter.

I wanna get freaked out tonight. You will.

I have an amazing neighbour called Jos that you're gonna love.

Hope that's all right.

Thanks again for this, Jos.

You OK?

I just... I can't wait for you to meet everyone.

Are you all right? Are you crying? My grandmother's dead.

What? Just now? This morning.

Oh, my God, Jos!

I'm so sorry. You don't have to be here at all.

Where should I sit? No, don't.

Maybe you can...? Hi, I'm Jos, my grammy just died.

Uh, what do you do?

No, sorry - no work chat.

Not tonight, this one gets enough from me in the office.

Oh... We're architects.

That's really cool. Oh, God, here we go.

One more glass and he'll be telling you how we just secured a contract

for a high-profile gallery in Berlin.

That's amazing! I love Berlin. Oh, God.

A few more of these, he'll be telling you how I'm

the youngest director in company history. Bleugh!

I am, though. Mm.

I'm gonna get a top-up. Oh, I can do that.

Don't you worry. Oh, good. Good.

Grammy was like the backbone, you know?

The only one who really saw me?

If that makes any sense. Yeah.

Perfectly healthy 96-year-old.

You just don't expect it.

Mm, our condolences, again.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, my God, this is bad.

Why'd you invite Jos?

I panicked we didn't have any cool London friends,

and now I've invited Jos. She's nuts.

This is horrible. No. It's really bad.

It's like, I thought this was gonna be, like, a cool dinner party.

It looks like we all met at fucking jury duty or something.

I think this was a bad idea. No.

I think we shouldn't have done it. Stop it. It's fine, OK?

We've got this, man.

Everyone's having a great time.

You think it's going great? Seriously?

I don't, no. I don't think so.

The flat but just a different floor, yeah.

Oh, here he is... All right? Yeah. ...man of the house.

Sorry, Ben, remind me what you do?

Um, I don't really do anything at the moment, to be fair.

KNOCKING DEB: None of that, he's a writer.

A writer? Yeah. Nice. What sort of thing?

Uh... Well, yeah, that's what I mean -

I'm sort of bouncing around from job to job, really,

to make a bit of money at the moment.

I don't really have time to write.

I don't really know who does, actually.

Rich people? Kids of rich people?

Well, yeah, that's...

That's depressing. Mm.

Well, as a child of rich people

who is not in the arts, you're welcome.

Thank you very much. Just doing my bit.

THEY CHUCKLE

Hey, team, who wants to see a magic trick?

Ooh, OK. Yes. Ooh, I love magic.

I'm gonna make every single one of these disappear.

Is that paracetamol? No, no, no, don't do that. No, Jos. Jesus.

Get on Frances! Mm.

"As a kid of rich people not in the arts, you're welcome."

Get to fuck! I know. She's trouble.

She's hubble bubble and the rest, all right.

Like, what are we gonna do?

I thought we didn't want Ben and Lil back together.

We don't.

He doesn't deserve her, right? He's a pig, OK?

But we also don't want him

getting with some whore neighbour, all right? Right.

Are you feeling these mushrooms, by the way? Not at all.

I can't feel my feet. I can't feel anything.

My heart is going really fast.

Ah, I wish I was you.

I reckon we, re: Frances,

do good cop, bad cop.

Ooh, 100%. Mm-hm.

And what, asking for a friend, is that?

God, you're fucking hilarious.

Owen's crazy.

Kas is nice.

Smart guy. Shut up!

What? Don't wind me up. He's my friend.

Yeah,

just like we're friends.

All right, who's hungry?

Grief shows up in all kinds of places.

Just this morning, I was getting a croissant,

almond,

and I had a violent, hands-free orgasm,

right in front of the server.

Wow. Yeah.

And that was the grief?

DEB: This is really lovely, Lil.

Yeah, it's delicious, and I made a whole-ass turkey.

Really delicious. You are so stunning.

You really are. Oh.

But you must be, like, a little bit older, then, being married and that?

What are you, like...? Like, 40?

I'm 32. Oh, OK.

And he's away a lot for work, yeah?

Yep. That must be hard. Mm.

Cos you know what they say -

the more they work away, the more they stray.

Stray. They stray, yeah.

Gosh, well, maybe.

We're sort of on a break, actually.

Oh. Yeah.

BEN: Oh, you're on a break? Mm-hm.

Oh, I think we should all go around and say what we're grateful for.

Mm. Oh, no, that's very American.

Well, I'm half "very American", Deb.

Fine. Thanks.

Right, well, I'm grateful

for my gorgeous son.

Look at him.

And for not believing everything that's been said about him

just cos a woman said it. What?

Right side of history, Deb.

OK, well, I'll go. Aw. I love this sort of stuff.

Um...

I am very grateful for my wife.

Oh. I have a wife.

Um... Samantha.

And for our two beautiful children.

Um... Well, three if you count my stepson.

Which I don't.

Cheers. ALL: Cheers.

OK, uh, well, we gave that a go. We don't have to do it any more.

Oh, no, I'd like to go. If that's all right?

Yeah. Yeah. Um...

I'm grateful to you, Lil.

You know, there's not many people who could convince

a random group of strangers to gather round the table and...

We're not that random. ...you know, talk about...

...what we're grateful for...

...and...

...and I think that's just...

...it's... it's...

It's very impressive. Yeah, no. It's very impressive.

Yeah, it is very impressive. You know, good on you, Lil...

That's what I was going to say.

...because this is an incredible spread. So, to Lil, everybody.

ALL: To Lil!

Oh, and to Frances, actually.

Frances brought the plates and the spare chairs and the wine,

so, yeah, lifesaver, really. Yeah, thank you, Frances.

That's amazing. Thanks so much. Here's to Frances.

CHATTER - To Lil. - Frances and Lil.

OVERLAPPING CHATTER

She didn't bring the food. The food, I brought.

Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, we made the food.

So where do you even find a turkey in November?

I thought we didn't do it until Christmas.

Yeah, actually, Ben got it. Yeah.

No, it took me a while, actually.

I had to go, like...

I had to go, like, round five different supermarkets.

Oh, I didn't know that! That's my resourceful boy.

Who had it in the end? Which supermarket? Hm?

Which supermarket had it in the end?

The turkey? Mm.

I don't... Honestly, I can't remember.

What? Don't remember? What did the bag say?

That feels weird, sorry to say. You don't remember...?

What was it? It was, like, the day before yesterday.

I just, I feel like if I buy a turkey...

QUIETLY: I found it in the bin.

What? What was that?

I got it from a bin.

What?

Huh?

This is bin turkey?

Yeah, but a supermarket bin, not, like, a normal bin.

Oh. Please.

You got our turkey from a bin?

I think it probably is OK, though,

because he will have found it in the packaging

and I assume you checked the sell-by date?

I forgot. I didn't do that. Oh.

Oh, well, why would you?

Oh, my God, you watched me cook bin turkey? What...?

Come on, I'm always tearing mouldy bits off of bread.

Sorry, I'm not eating bin turkey.

Yeah, sorry, I'm probably leaning no vis-a-vis bin turkey as well.

Ben, I'm eating it and I love it.

It wouldn't be the worst thing I put in my mouth.

No, no, nobody's eating bin turkey.

Why would you do that?

Genuinely thought it'd be fine.

I've got some leftover chicken upstairs,

I'm really happy to go grab it.

Oh, my God, what are you, Mary fucking Poppins?

What, do you have everything lying around your stupid house?

Sorry. No, yeah, sorry.

Um... I'm so sorry.

Um... Sorry, Frances.

Sorry, everybody, I don't, uh...

It's really nice, all the... All the stuff you brought.

Um... Sorry.

Lil, come on. I just need to... I'm just gonna...

Are the sides from the bin?

No.

Oh, the swede...

The swede is. Fuck's sake.

A-ha.

I have found your hiding place.

Lil.

Hey. Oh, hey.

Sorry, I just... I turn my hearing aids off when everything...

When Owen's at a party?

I got you a... Aw, thanks.

Oh, my God, this is such a shit party.

LIL CHUCKLES You know, I have a theory

that people can either host or they're hot.

You either get the S or you don't - you can't have both.

You're lying, you've never thought that.

I've never thought that. LIL LAUGHS

I keep having this feeling like...

Like I'm in, like, the waiting room for the rest of my life.

Like, all the adult shit,

just, like, right there, but I'm stuck here.

Who tells you it's time to go in, though?

Like, not to get all philosophical...

No, definitely, please do.

I just think you open the door and you walk in, don't you?

Like, you know, life happens because you do it.

And you are, Lil.

Doing it, I mean. Oh...

Kas you're, like, the only person that's kept me sane

these last few months.

I'm serious. I don't think I could've survived here without you.

Don't you wish you could just, like, turn them on...

Lil, Ben's a fucking idiot.

Ignore me. No. Sorry, I'm...

No. I meant to s... That's OK. Sorry.

Uh, maybe we could go back inside,

cos I think Owen's probably about to cheat on his wife.

I actually, um,

feel, uh...

I feel like I might have had a bit too much to drink?

Oh, really? Yeah.

Uh... Gonna go home, but...

Oh, not cos of...? No. No.

No! No! Thank you for the invite.

I'll see you Monday, Lil.

OK. I'll see you Monday. Thank you.

MUFFLED CHATTER

CHEERING

I would... I can only assume, I can only assume.

Is she creative? ALL: Yes. Massively.

So she's an iconic dead woman with stories. Yes.

So it's literally Grammy!

ALL: No! You have to stop saying that.

YELLING Did you do this?

Come on, poppet, get involved. Come on. Hey, Lil.

Thank you.

I don't want to think about anything.

Right, go on, do me. OK, can we do this one?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Am I a boy? No.

You're more... You're more like, ra-ow! Yes!

A bit sexy, like, ra-a-ow! But also, you're like...

A singing cat? Yes. Yeah.

Ben, it's who you had your sexual awakening to.

DOOR CLOSES - Rum Tum Tugger? - ALL: Yes!

You fucking freak! That was private.

Oh, Alan!

Oh. I've had to park in Thornton Heath.

What, where the hell's that?

Oh, I don't... I've no idea.

What's for tea? Oh, darling... I'm ravenous.

Darling, it's all gone. What?

It was horrible anyway. We had bin turkey.

Bin turkey? What's that? Oh, it's turkey from a bin, Alan. Oh.

What, you mean...? So there's no food at all?

Sorry. Oh.

We threw it out, Alan. Sorry, darling.

Oh, I'm busting for a wee anyway. Sod this for a lark.

Right, if me and this person met, would we be friends?

ALL: No!

Princess Diana.

Sorry again about the turkey. It's OK, it's OK.

You really turned things around.

Oh, I just wrote some names down on a piece of paper.

Everyone's in there enjoying themselves

because you brought them together.

Can I tell you something embarrassing?

Yeah.

I got jealous of you and Frances tonight. Yeah?

She's so hot and cool and, like, in her body.

Don't make me feel embarrassed. No, no.

That exactly what I thought about you and Kas.

I thought you were out there...

...getting off with him.

Why did he leave so early?

Oh, he... HOWLING

He had some other thing that he had to go to.

Stop it, Alan. Completely inappropriate, Alan.

Hey, we can still be friends even if we get jealous, right?

That's allowed?

ALAN PURRS AND BARKS Alan. Alan! Stop it. Stop it!

LIAM: Lil! Lil!

Oh, my God!

YELLING Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no! YELLING CONTINUES

It's the mushrooms! No!

I'm sorry, fuck me!

ALAN BARKS Remember yourself, Alan!

He ate a whole bloody bar of mushroom chocolate.

He thought he was a dog. ALAN GRUMBLES

Oh, that's just how he breathes.

Hi. You all right?

All all right? Um... We tried to do a bit of tidying up,

but I think we were just making it worse. Don't worry.

Hi. You all right? Sorry. Don't say sorry. I love you.

Are we in trouble? No course you're not.

Are you sure? Yeah. Is he OK? Yeah, yeah, he's... he's flying.

OK. Hi, am in trouble? No. Are you sure?

It's OK. Sorry. I love you. I love you.

Um, heads up, the girl who tried to kill herself

and the guy who hates his wife are still here.

Those are my friends. They're weirdos.

Love you guys. I love you. Bye, guys.

Say sorry to Alan. He's fine.

Don't worry. Get home safe.

Bye. Bye. See you, Lil.

DOOR CLOSES Tell you what,

pretty extreme lengths from my dad

to try and get a night in a proper bed, eh?

Oh, what's wrong? Is he gonna be OK?

Yes, of course he is!

LIL SOBS Lil... No, it's Alan, Ben.

Yeah, yeah, he's... He's fine.

He's probably gonna have the best dreams of his life.

He's fine.

Oh. Aw.

I don't wanna be your friend.

Obviously, I don't want to be your friend either,

but I don't want to do the wrong thing.

? A million girls ?

? I'd love them, and I'd leave them alone

? I didn't care how much they cried, no, sir

? Their tears left me cold as a stone

? But then I fooled around and fell in love

? I fooled around and fell in love

? I fooled around and fell in love

? I fooled around... ?

Grammy would've loved you.

She loved weak men.

I'm...

I'm the weakest man I've ever met.

I've never even opened a jar.

And you shouldn't have to.

Sh!

? On the other side... ?

Oh, I've missed you.

? I'd just tear out that page... ?

I've been right here.

? But then I fooled around and fell in love

? I fooled around and fell in love... ?

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