Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

Never stop rolling.

CAMERA CHICK: I'll never stop rolling, mate.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[KNOCKING]

Hi, I'm Katy Cathie from Channel 42.

You must be Lisa.

Thank you so much for making time for our little interview.

Hi.

Come in.

Let's start with the undergarments.

These are madames bloomers.

And this is my chemise.

A chemise is an undershirt.

In runtimes, it was also your nightgown.

Then we have the overskirts.

I use two or three to--

they are my colors.

You want yourself a good pair of shoes.

Got to protect the feet on the terrain.

And gods know when it's just going

to piss down on you for a day, and you're tromping

through the mud for nine hours.

Then we have the corset.

Oh, shoes before the corset, don't make that mistake.

This is the madame's assortment of hair.

And usually need new hair about halfway through the season.

So always have a backup.

I've been with the festival 17 years.

And it's the festival's 20th year, so figures for both of us.

[SLURPS]

I play Madame Ambrosia, the town madame.

We push the constructs of what is sexuality and self.

You know, give a flirt to an average husband, joke

with his wife or his husband or her wife or their partner.

Whatever the coupling may be, make them feel attractive,

put a pep in their step.

And then they take it home and smear it

all over each other like warm butter on a hot roll.

At this point in time, women were property except whores.

We could read, we could write, keeping books and such

as madams could, anyway.

And we could own property.

Isn't that right, my dear?

I honestly have anxiety about what

I'm going to do with my time during season next year

when all of this is gone.

Arielle, the most powerful mystic

to ever live, the-- the most beloved psychic of the fair,

she predicted a huge storm in the fair

would close the year after she died.

She just passed away this spring.

This is the last year of fair.

It will be washed away, and probably all of Overnook

as well.

Thank you, John And good morning, Overnook.

Or should I say, good morrow?

I'm Katy Cathie.

And I am here at My Nook of the Woods Festival grounds,

where they are prepping to open the 20th Annual Overnook

Renaissance Festival this weekend.

And we want you to attend.

So tune in every morning this week

and every weekend during the four-week festival

for my new segment Huzzah!

How are you? highlighting the actors, musicians, and artisans

that make this festival festive.

I'm Katy Cathie.

And that was your morning look into Overnook.

We're out.

OK.

So, remember to keep your cameras rolling at all times

during this whole escapade.

If you need to take a break, put your camera on a tripod

and point it towards some action.

I'll review the footage each night and export what we need.

Go, team.

Testing, testing!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

What?

You can speak normally.

Martin, just talk normal.

Lay it on your breast.

You see how mine's just laying on my breast.

And she can hear.

You can hear me just fine from my breast.

I do absolutely.

She can hear you from your breast.

--hear me.

All right.

Good job.

All right.

I love that a lot.

OK.

KATY CATHIE: Perfect.

OK.

Now I'm going to step back.

And then you'll say the segment name to the camera, Huzzah!

How are you?

And then you'll look at me when you talk to me about yourselves.

Oh, all right.

OK.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, should we maybe be in the sky chair swingers?

Oh, yeah!

Yes.

Let's do our signature sit.

Hold on.

Yes.

This is how we show everybody that they can carry 350 pounds.

No problem.

Together, we weigh 345.

It's true.

So we're only $0.05 away.

Yes.

All right.

All right.

2, 3, Huzzah!

How are you?

I love that.

Yeah.

You introduce us my man.

Yes.

My sexy man.

Hello.

My name is Martin.

And this is my beautiful wife, Bonnie.

We have been selling sky chair swingers for about--

15 years.

15?

No.

No, I think 16.

It's 16.

You're right.

16 years.

We have been selling sky chair swingers 16 years.

We're the premier realtors of Overnook.

Well, we're the only realtors in Overnook.

But that makes us premier.

That makes us premier.

It's not a home unless you get it through Rome.

You get home from a long day of real estating,

and you sit in one of these comfies,

and you crack open a nice honey mead or--

Oh, we're really right now into the blackberry.

Oh, yeah.

It's so good.

It's so good.

It's so good.

Well, it doesn't burn.

No.

It doesn't.

Mead is like wine, only, you ferment it from honey.

Honey.

Oh, it's made from honey.

13th Warrior?

Did you not--

Did you not see 13th--

Never.

Oh.

That had that Antonio Banderas in it.

Oh.

He was playing Evan or Avon.

Avon, Ivan, Oven, I don't know.

He was playing--

We named our three-legged chihuahua after him.

Oh, we did, Little Antonio and Banderas.

Because he's got three legs like a little tripod.

He's so cute.

Oh, yeah.

He got eaten by a fox.

I was by the turkey leg booth and just dragged him behind it.

I don't like to talk about that on camera.

No, I don't either.

When I first met my Martin here,

he looked just like Antonio Banderas,

only he had that sexy King Arthur hairdo.

And oh, I tell you what, I was infatuated.

That is how we met.

I went to her home festival Oh, I

was performing in Shake This, Speares, that singing troupe.

The Shakespeare parody troupe.

(SINGING) Huzzah.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And that was also when you were break dancing.

Oh, my gosh, I was so good at breakdancing.

Oh, I see

It was hard on the wool because we couldn't have

cardboard because we-- we try to be authentic.

Absolutely.

They were just breakdancing on burlap,

A burlap.

But it was amazing.

The burns were intense.

But I had the beautiful bone structure so, many times,

I had to play all the-- the woman part.

Just like Shakespeare.

And plus these legs, oh, honey, I was in infatuated.

KATY CATHIE: Cut!

Oh!

Great!

You two did wonderfully.

Oh, all right.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you for helping us try to get people to come out

to the festival this season.

You OK, darling?

Yeah.

We need a big year, for sure.

KATY CATHIE: Oh, I heard, to make the money

to complete the town's Hydrow dam.

Or to retire in Puerto Vallarta.

Or to finish the town's Hydrow dam, Martin.

Yeah.

Arielle was never wrong.

We need to make the money and get out of here.

I've heard about Arielle.

She was a psychic that made a prediction?

MARTIN: Autodecimation!

Pay no attention to him.

Arielle and Mary, her wife, they were our best friends.

Best friends.

We're their daughter Iris's godparents.

Godparents.

He is focusing on the flood to avoid feeling his feelings.

I am focusing on the flood to get us out

of here before the townsfolk arrive with pitchforks.

Oh, well, it's actually-- it's a little bit hard to just get

flood insurance down here, you know, in the crevice.

And so we may have accidentally sold all the houses

without the flood insurance.

It's autodecimation.

Martin!

Now, just talk normally.

That lapel mic will catch everything you say.

OK.

Thank you, Thank you.

Check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

Yellow leather, red leather.

KATY CATHIE: Room is fine.

So the long and short of it is, Overnook needs a dam.

We got started on one but ran out of funds.

And that's no good.

The Almanac, it says, expect big rain like, catastrophic rain.

Don't overlook Overnook.

That's our town motto.

We've got it on everything, like, this t-shirt, mugs,

little sweaters for your pugs.

In fact, we got a mug around here.

We'll get you one.

I'm going to go through this one more time.

92% of the year's income comes from the My Nook of the - Woods

Festival grounds.

And the bulk of that is from the Renaissance Festival.

That's what the tourists come down for.

What?

What about the Morel Festival?

Been through this.

Oh.

DAN DORIS: Well, I just think with a little bit of marketing,

it could take off.

We grow a good morel.

Evan, I know we grow a good morale,

probably the best in the nation, perfect conditions, yes.

But we know how this goes.

The top of the hillers come down before sunup,

pick away, and leave before sunrise,

before anything is open.

We might get a gas fill-up.

But there's no commerce in it, nobody's shopping,

nobody is visiting the nook and cannery,

nothing that yields any money.

She's right.

OK.

OK.

I'll let it go.

As I was saying, 92% of the tourism comes from the Ren Fest.

If my calculations are correct, and they always are,

we only need about 1,200 more people to attend the festival.

And then we will hit our damn goal,

or like, our dam goal, not our damn goal.

1,200.

1,200 people is Overnook's population.

Bingo.

If we just get the population of Overnook to attend the festival,

we will have the budget to finish our dam

before the rainy season.

Thank you for listening.

Now, Mr. Mayor, may I have a word outside?

You better fix this, Dan.

You think-- you think that went well?

We need to focus on how to make this work for real

to clean up your little Bitcoin mishap.

Carla, we talked about this.

And it's not my fault. You even agreed.

I didn't agree.

I was wasted at the casino with you.

And you asked me if I thought Bitcoin was a good investment.

You didn't tell me you were spending all

the town's reserves on Bitcoin.

And if it had performed, we would have had more than enough

for the dam and plus reserves.

You bought high, you moron!

I didn't buy crap.

I bought something that was performing.

You never buy high to make money.

You buy low, and it increases.

You bought high, and it crashed.

Look.

What, are you nervous?

What, are you nervous?

I'm-- I am a little bit nervous because my re-election,

Carla.

Oh, you're nervous about your re-election, huh?

Well, I could go to jail for the mishandling of these funds, Dan.

I'm the freaking town treasurer, Dan.

The money was my responsibility.

And now it's gone, Dan.

Carla.

No, no, no.

I swear, I swear to god, if I go down for this,

I am dragging you down with me.

I will turn your life to ashes.

I will literally light you on fire.

Ha, ha.

We have a plan.

We just need to work the plan.

OK?

And everything will take care of itself.

Keep the media focused on the festival.

Let's make the festival happen.

Stupid man.

Oh, look at that.

There they are.

Don't worry.

They can't hear us.

I started acting at age three and have never stopped.

An actor acts, as they say.

I'm here at the theater so much.

I have my own set of keys.

I like to come long before call time to start my process.

I get ready here every morning before the festival

as well for the lighting, got to get prepared for the sun,

by the spotlight there is.

This year, I'm playing Queen Elizabeth, first of the name,

daughter of Henry VIII, right, bastard he was.

It's the first year Overnook Renaissance Festival

is having a queen fair.

I mean, I'm very excited about that, long overdue.

I've been saying it to Jack for years now.

But who listens to me, right?

I mean, I am just the one person in town

with any professional acting experience.

But there you have it, life of a powerful woman, always

intimidating others and never respected for her worth.

All right.

Out.

No one sees the transformation.

You may only see the transformed.

I will give you your soundbite outside once metamorphosed.

Huzzah!

and all that.

I don't know.

Wow.

She was a lot.

I heard she did like, a national commercial that

aired during some American football game.

And she's been like, a lot ever since, you know?

I'll find it.

Jesus Christ.

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

And give me pour-over coffee next time, I'm gonna kill him.

I went on a really bad date last night.

FRED If thou would like thy sound bite for thy morning

segment, ye Queen is now available.

Hip, hip!

Huzzah!

GUARD: Hip, hip!

FRED: Huzzah!

GUARD: Hip, hip!

Huzzah!

Good morrow, my fair subjects of Canterbury.

Thou hast most impressed Your Queen with thy harvest festival.

Word of its majesty and mirth hath

come to me from far and wide, so much so that I, Your Queen,

will be in attendance, awaiting meaningful encounter

with all of you.

Anon, sweet subjects.

Anon.

Huzzah!

How are you?

The Overnook Renaissance Festival runs the next four

weekends and opens this morning at 10:00 AM with cannon blowing.

I'm headed that way now.

Hope to see you there.

I'm Katy Cathie.

And that's your morning look into Overnook.

CAMERA CHICK: And we're out, mate.

Nice.

I found the commercial.

It didn't just-- it wasn't just a national commercial,

went viral for a bunch of different reasons.

Look at it.

Here's the actual commercial.

Wait.

Get this on film.

Can you focus on it?

CAMERA CHICK: Got it.

What is this for?

Oh, wait for it.

You can even put it on your (RAPPING) anus,

anus, anus, anus, anus, anus, anus.

Good morning.

I'm Katy Cathie with Channel 42.

Just wanted to see what you guys have going on here

and see if, maybe, you want to talk to me about it on camera.

Hi.

I know who you are.

We watch you on the news show.

Oh, we-- we're doing the food drive

for Verona Hills Church of Christ.

Who are you talk-- oh, Katy Cathie.

I'm a big fan.

I'm Missy Montegue, youth leader at Verona Hills.

These are my three sons, Matthew, Mark, and Luke,

but I had them in reverse order.

[LAUGHS] This is my baby, Matthew, oh, for now.

I'm pregnant with little John or Jonah.

We'll find out in about eight months.

Huzzah!

How are you?

We collect canned goods from the festival each year

for our homeless food bank.

We really couldn't make it without the festival drive.

And how many homeless do you serve here in Overnook?

Five or six a month.

Mainly, it's just farmers who don't feel like cooking.

But we get that food, so that when

we do get a homeless population, we'd feed them up real good.

I've never been in the festival.

A couple of years ago, I snuck in.

And I got myself a turkey leg.

Mom never found out.

I'm just here because mom needs help with the cans.

And because Mark and Matthew are, well,

a couple of pipsqueaks.

Oh, whatever.

MISSY MONTEGUE: Boys, come give me a hand.

I mean, I'd like to go in.

Costumes look cool, and the people seem really happy.

But my mom will kill me.

So--

Pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth,

not to mention alcohol and devil worshipping,

that place is a real Sodom and Gomorrah.

No, no, we don't go inside the gates.

We stand outside to do the Lord's good work.

And if I happen to hand a pamphlet to a person or two

walking by while I do--

LUKE: Mom, can we take beer?

It is a canned good.

Oh, my good gracious.

Why would you even ask that, Luke?

I know I had failed God as a mother

if I let any of my children consort

with those heathenish pagans behind those gates.

Back to the Lord's good work.

OK.

You fixed it.

Let's go to the morning meeting.

MISSY MONTEGUE: Matthew!

JACK: Good morning, my lords and ladies.

Welcome to our first morning meeting of the season.

I expect everybody here by 9:00 AM every festival day.

Now, that means everybody, including

you, stage show performers.

All right.

You may have noticed some photographers, press people

around.

They are part of the mayor's initiative

to increase local participation.

They're going to be with us for the entire season,

so get used to them.

Now, if you encounter them out in the street,

it is OK to interact with them.

Just be sure and stay in character.

At the same time, please do not do that, is there a magic box,

will it take my soul?

Don't do that, just don't acknowledge the camera.

If you're backstage, if you're on a break,

you can drop the accent.

I don't care.

OK.

Let's have lots of energy, no anachronisms.

That's modern-day talk, you know?

We want to keep everything Renaissance specific.

OK?

And let's get out there and really bring this village

to life!

Huzzah!

Up Huzzah!

Come on over here.

You guys can come in every morning through the media gate.

You want to keep these passes on at all times.

That way, they'll know you're media.

And by the way, those things are all access.

And they are not replaceable.

So you hang on to those.

Now, be right here at the mermaid stage every morning

by 9:00 AM.

OK?

Thank you very much.

OK.

We'll see you out on the ground.

Thank you.

Ha, ha!

'Tis I, Robin Hood, here to rob you, the rich,

to give to the poor.

Woo, woo, woo, woo!

Oh, Robin of the Hood, 'Tis only I, Francesca, the milk maiden.

I've got no pence to spare.

LIL JON: Oh, bloody hell!

It is only Francesca, the milk maiden.

And she hasn't a pence to spare.

Oh, our sincerest apologies, Francesca.

'Tis the weekend of romance.

And we are to be visited by the Italian court.

LIL JON: Which is who we aim to rob, ha, ha!

ROBIN HOOD: I shall rob them of their belongings

and toss them naked into the forest for my merry men.

Oh, I like, all the shire, know this be romance weekend.

Oh, it says so in your map of Canterbury

that you got from the ticket maidens

when you got your tickets.

Oh, yes.

It does say this is the weekend of romance.

Hubba, hubba, Overnook.

[BUGLE CALL]

Hip, hip!

Huzzah!

Hip, hip!

Huzzah!

Hip, hip!

Huzzah!

Good day to my fine subjects.

[BUGLE CALL]

Buongiorno, belissima.

I am Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor.

I am smitten by your beauty.

And 'tis my one goal, but to woo your gentle nature

and make you my wife,

Oh, but my Good King, I have yet to address my subjects

and let the cannon roar to start our glorious festival.

Then let us begin this weekend of romance together.

And may all those within the sound of my voice,

beg open this festival.

3, 2, 1.

Permit the cannon run.

[CANNON SHOT]

And let the festival begin!

Oh, my god.

Did you know that that was going to happen?

I don't think Genevieve knew that was going to happen.

She looked so surprised.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, she's going to be so pissed.

I don't know who this out-of-town actor is that they

brought in to play the suitors.

Oh, but he's in for a treat.

KATY CATHIE: I heard that none of the regular cast

auditioned for the different king roles

because no one wants to work with Genevieve.

Yeah, they brought this guy in from out of town.

And they're going to dress him up

every week in some different king to woo the queen.

He is in for a confounding four weeks of hell.

Oh, my gosh.

God help him if he even mentions the commercial.

The commercial was like, really gross and graphic.

And like, at one point, she does the whole anus thing.

[LAUGHS] And well, the internet got hold of that.

And SNL did a skit about it.

And Jimmy Kimmel did a thing about it.

And I was like, oh, my god, Genevieve, OK, Genevieve,

any exposure is good exposure.

She did not like that because everybody

started calling her anus girl.

And she kind of turned into a recluse after that.

And the jokes played out here.

Nobody talks about it.

Nobody talks about it at all.

But she is anus girl over the hill.

So--

FRANCESCA: Scram.

She can't take a joke.

Scram!

I'm doing my interview.

LISA: Bye.

You really want me to say the thing?

KATY CATHIE: Yeah.

I think we may get some footage of you in your regular life.

Oh.

About?

Oh, sure.

KATY CATHIE: The segment.

We're trying to highlight your performance in Route 69.

All right then.

Ahem.

Huzzah!

How are you?

I play Francesca, the milkmaid.

I've been here over 20 years.

Real cute character when you're 25.

But when you turn 45, and you get a latent diagnosis

of scoliosis, and now you have the posture of a jumbo shrimp,

like, oops, maybe not the best long-term physical choice one

could make.

But it's too late now.

I'm a facet.

I have kids that saw me 20 years ago,

they come back with their kids just to see the milkmaid now.

I'm a camper.

I bring this bad boy out and camp all weekend, every weekend.

No, I do not stay during the week.

I have a family and a J-O-B. I have a PhD in child psych.

I'm taking a little break from that

right now until my third kiddo gets to kindergarten.

Until then, I teach at her preschool.

My wife and I have a son and two daughters, so far.

They are my absolute world, well, them and the festival.

I mean, before them, it was just the festival.

These are my people.

Debbie, my wife, got me this Vaga specifically

for the festival season.

Well, it sits in storage the rest of the year.

I come out here, and I camp.

And I drink by the fire and slam a clam, bong a dong,

anything goes.

Well, my wife has a two-week plastic surgeons' conference

in New Orleans once a year, and same rules apply to her.

Out of courtesy, when we get home, we sleep in the guest room

until we complete a full round of acyclovir, doxycycline,

azithromycin, erythromycin, and amoxicillin, you know, just

to be safe.

[LIVELY MUSIC]

Huzzah!

Good morning, Overnook.

I am live from week two at the Overnook Renaissance Festival.

And our mateys, it's pirate weekend!

Now, the festival opened to record numbers last week.

Plenty of romance ensued, with King Charles V

attempting to steal the hand of Queen Elizabeth, to no avail.

Which king will be here to woo her this weekend?

Come down and find out.

Gates open at 10:00 AM with a $2 discount if you bring a canned

good.

I'm Katy Cathie.

And this was your morning look into Overnook.

[INDISTINCT] our sea belle now.

We're going to take her back to the ship.

You'll be safe the entire time.

You can trust us.

We are pirates.

We claimed her.

She's ours.

Huzzah!

How are you?

I like the title.

Oh, everybody loves pirate's weekend.

It's a real beer fest.

Well, the pirates and the Vikings are visiting.

And everybody's really into it.

And the guys dress really sexy like, they wear this guyliner,

or they're covered in Viking fur.

The first weekend, everybody's kind of getting their feet wet.

But by the second weekend, all the camps

are setting up their bonfires.

I like to cozy up to the pretty horsey boys and their fires.

Saffy like it.

[LAUGHS]

KATY CATHIE: Pretty horsey boys?

Oh, the jousters.

You have to go see the high-noon joust.

It's right where the parade ends.

So if just follow the parade, you'll end there.

Hi.

Can I just get a pilsner, please?

Ay, why would you want to do that when

you could order a fine, stout piece of pilsner later?

OK.

Huzzah!

For the tipper!

Huzzah!

How are you?

Now, that makes no sense.

Grammatically, it's just wrong.

You can't toss Renaissance words together

with a modern question, which you mean to be rhetorical, but--

Shut up, Kyle.

Do the interview.

OK, Francesca, I'll shut up and do an interview.

By the way, thanks for the UTI, ass wipe.

Hey, you can't be for certain that was me.

You're hardly a "she's fair" maiden.

Also, the parade is that way.

I am definitely doing the parade this year,

just not today, Kyle.

I am booked with media because I'm a fan favorite.

Enjoy the Trump, Marlow.

[CHUCKLES] Stop.

I'm out here trying to teach people something, right?

But all these yokels care about is drinking and chasing

interpersonal copulation, the overflow of the bosom

from atop the corset, the tight backside

of a man in tight drums, body odor, the smell of incense

in the air.

We all know where that leads, the beast with two backs.

Hello, Marlow.

Lovely play, Mr. Marlow.

So good.

I'm Shakespeare, not Marlow.

You bloody jolly rogers.

Bloody, jolly rogers.

And anachronistic.

Get some brown shoes, for god's sake.

But, Shannon, take off your step counter.

Hey, no plastic.

Put your food in a wooden bowl.

Commit if you're going to engulf.

Can someone tell me why there are barbarians walking around?

That's ancient Greece.

But they wouldn't take five minutes

to look up period accuracy.

You have 400 years, pick one.

Oh, if you'll excuse me, the parade

is in order of social import.

Whores and actors are in the back.

I'm coming, I'm coming, [MURMURING], I'm coming.

[FESTIVE MUSIC]

Anus girl!

[DRUMMING]

[BUGLE CALL]

My Queen.

Not yet.

I'm not.

By the way, don't listen to that guy.

I thought you were great in that commercial.

How darest I break character to my face so blatantly

with thy anachronism?

My Queen!

I am humbled and honored beyond words

that you would grace us with your presence

at this high-noon joust.

Good people!

I am Sir Lancelot!

And I ride for Her Majesty, Elizabeth, first of her name,

Queen of England, Ireland and France!

And I will not have her displeased.

[CHEERING]

And who, shall it be said, will ride

for this King suitor who wishes to steal our goodly queen away

from us then?

Send in the Dane.

[CHEERING]

We ride in honor of the Queen.

Sir Lancelot, my heart is enlarged

by this show of fidelity.

But may I beg a boon of you?

Name it, My Queen.

Aldis, the King of the Danes, sits beside me,

begging of my hand, fraught in his belief

England to be a delicate flower that must be protected.

I ask that this be a joust to the death.

If his Knights win, I will marry him.

If they do not, he will leave me be the rest of the day

and be welcomed to enjoy all the festival's joys

without my accompaniment.

Ha, Your Majesty, we usually joust at the hour of 3:00 when

there are less children present and faint of heart.

But you are equipped to joust the death now.

Are you not?

We are completely set at the beginning of the day, My Queen.

Then joust the death now, Sir Lancelot.

As My Queen commands.

What are you doing?

Giving us a break from one another for the afternoon.

There are like, a million kids here.

How gory could it actually be?

[SWORDS CLANKING]

Oh, Romeo!

Romeo!

Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn,

my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

That sounded really good.

JULIET: I'm just trying to make sure I know it.

My Romeo won't run lines with me.

Well, if you pass me the book, maybe I could help.

JULIET: Seriously?

Yeah.

That would actually be so clutch.

Here.

Can we start at your line?

Top of page 67.

Yeah, got it.

OK.

I take thee at thy word.

Call me but love, and I'll be a new baptized.

Henceforth, I never will be Romeo.

What man art thou that thus be screened

and night so stumbles on my counsel?

By a name, I know not how to tell thee who I am.

My name, dear saint, is hateful to my self

because it is an enemy to thee.

Had I written, I would tear the word.

My ears have yet not drunk a hundred words of thy tongue's

uttering.

Yet, I know the sound.

Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?

Neither, fair maid.

It is either thee dislike.

Oh, hey, I gotta go.

Thanks for running lines with me.

Sure, totally.

Can I get my book back?

Yeah, duh.

Here.

Break a leg.

[LAUGHS]

I play Caliban.

He's a barbarian, super butch.

That's my twist.

The others, they go out and play the better or prettier or more

virile versions of themselves.

They actually do quite the opposite.

I kind go for the non-woke binary butch, dom top approach,

if I may.

See, real life is nothing like Caliban.

I manage the Bermuda Triangle.

It's the super successful LGBTQIA+ venue.

And girl, let me tell you, she's a lot.

So every year when the festival comes along,

I take to good, old Caliban for a little break.

Now, he isn't everything to everybody.

You see, Caliban doesn't give two shits about pronouns, which

is mostly because he's not really saying much,

and he's never been bullied.

God, I wish a bitch would with Caliban.

He would eat them alive.

Arielle taught me that.

I know you've been hearing a lot about Arielle.

That bitch was like, my second mother.

Yes, she was psychic.

And yes, she said a big storm was

coming to take away the festival right after she died.

But she was so much more than that.

She was like, our muse for discovering freedom.

She'd always say, you got to find your crooked lid

to fit your crooked pot.

Her daughter, Iris and I, we're like soul twins.

We were literally raised together out there.

Now, unfortunately, Iris has been missing ever

since her mother passed.

So, Iris, if you see this segment, please, baby,

come home.

Huzzah!

How are you?

CAMERA CHICK: Give us another one.

Huzzah!

How are you?

Huzzah!

How are you?

Good morning, Overnook.

What's that I see invading the Overnook Renaissance Festival?

Be it the Celts?

I, Bonnie Lasstish.

Come on down this weekend and join us

for some Celtic music ales and the annual Scottish games.

I'm Katy Cathie.

And that be ye morning look into Overnook.

PETE: Hey, Genevieve.

Hey.

Good god, who are you this week?

I mean, could they not have sent me a Mary Queen of Scots

for Celtic weekend?

God, I can't believe them.

Are you really coming back as a different king every weekend?

Yeah, that's what they hired me for.

OK, look, I think we got off on the wrong foot.

I'm not from here.

And I'm not trying to step on your toes.

Well, you are.

I auditioned for this festival,

just like everyone else.

I thought it sounded fun.

I said, any role they wanted to give me.

And they gave me this.

I just want to have a good time performing.

Well, I auditioned for this role.

OK?

I have begged to play it for years,

a respected, powerful female monarch, no king.

And then they sneakily dump you on me.

OK, OK, I get it.

I hear you loud and clear.

I don't care if you're gay.

This is just a role.

We're just acting.

Excuse me.

I just want you to know we're just acting.

I mean, I totally support you.

And I'm not going to fall in love with my leading lady

or anything awkward for you.

OK.

Not every powerful woman that you encounter is a lesbian.

Wait, are you not?

Oh, my God, I totally thought you were coming out to me.

GENEVIEVE MINOLA: --my distance!

Fuuuudge!

Lovely lady is back.

Can I finally get a refreshment for me lady?

Yes.

I want to try mead.

In fact, we should immerse ourselves.

So let's try this stuff.

Free mead for my lady.

Free meads, free meads.

I went--

Oh!

[LAUGHS]

Three meads for me and my wenches.

Now she's gone in Huzzah!

This is your first taste.

It's on me.

[LAUGHS]

God help us all.

Oh, girls, molasses.

You can't be drinking mead out of a plastic cup.

Come with me.

You need a wooden tanker.

MARTIN: Saffy, oh, fill us up.

Oh, I had some already in it.

Just top it off.

It's your week, Martin.

It's on me.

Oh, I'll get it in my crotch pocket.

Oh, watch this.

This turns like, it starts her whole thing.

Oh, look at that.

Huzzah!

For the tipper!

Oh, shake your jugs.

Shake your jugs.

Huzzah!

Sales have been great.

Oh yeah.

Best we've had in years.

And we've been asked several times

about that billboard up there.

Oh, it's so good.

Yeah.

We paid to do the zip line this year

so we could have some airtime up there.

Oh, and not just there, also top of the hill.

You know, anything we can do just to get people down here.

And to save our asses from the pitchfork.

Martin!

The mead!

Oh, I tell you what.

You just run your mouth.

You have to stop--

I'm sorry.

I just-- you know, I want to--

Oh, golly me.

Get the pole.

Oh, pole.

We got another one.

Oh, pole time.

I'm going to joust you down.

I'm going to joust you down.

All right, all right, here we go.

Rap, bum, bum, bum.

grab a hold of my shaft.

Oh, there you go.

Grab a hold of that.

OK.

Yes.

Stop that!

Don't fight me.

Stop fighting me.

Stop that, stop that!

OK, here.

I'm just going to drag you along, just stay with us.

MARY O'MALLEY: Billboards look good, though, don't they?

Yeah, murderous Mary O'Malley, you old, salty dog.

I wonder when the hell you are going

to come down here and see us.

I'd haul this leather ass across the entire fair

to see this woman.

LITTLE BOY: I want a treasure.

Hey, mermaids be liars and scallywags, all right?

They have no treasure for you But I

do if you deliver a message from me to those scallywags.

All right?

No potion until after 2:00 PM, you scoundrels!

Yo, what's going on there?

Oh, just keep sending these picker nets to chase me down.

I can't stand kids.

Those two sit in that tepid pool of filth,

getting drunk all day long, OK, just

thinking of ways to torment me.

Human.

Little children.

Where are the children?

Please come here.

We have a quest for you.

A nasty pirate named murderous Mary O'Malley

has stolen our magical potion.

We need you to go find murderess Mary O'Malley

and have her bring us our magic potion.

Now, listen closely, listen closely.

Murderous Mary O'Malley, she has a small, red ball.

Ball.

Ball.

Ball, orb.

With a magical, magical liquid potion.

You go find her and have her bring the magical potion to us.

Yes.

If you come back, then we will give you big river.

Go.

Go.

Go.

If you can run.

MARY O'MALLEY: A slur maid, that's what I call her,

a bunch of lushes.

They would get kicked out of this cast, you know,

if they weren't Zach's nieces.

God damn nepotism.

I hope they get pinkeye.

Huzzah!

And how are you?

What the hell does that even mean?

I sell leather works, you know, satchels, wristbands,

mug straps, jewelry.

I'm the pirate queen of the festival.

And this be me booty.

My wife, Arielle, she had the stand right here,

right next to me.

She did psychic readings.

She passed this spring.

I'm sure you all heard.

Everybody's been coming around here and paying respects.

Aneurysm, in her sleep.

She saw it coming.

She sure as hell didn't tell me, you know.

[LAUGHS]

I mean, it's-- it's tough, you know, being back here solo.

I mean, this is my first, my first fair

without her in 20 years.

You know, i got a lot of family memories around here.

I mean, it's the only place that our kid thought that I was cool,

mainly because everyone's afraid of me.

But, god, she needs to get her ass back here.

She used to sing, you know, in one of the stage shows,

voice like a lark till she was old enough to sing in bars.

And now, you know, she is a little AWOL.

I don't mess around, you know?

She knows.

This fair washes away.

I am off the grid.

All right?

No address, no phone, no tracking.

I'm gone.

I mean, that might sound like harsh,

you know, to people like you.

But that's all that she's ever known.

I mean, we made this plan back when Arielle had her prediction.

I mean, shit, Iris was 10?

I mean, it's her choice if she chooses me or not.

All right.

That's enough of this sad stuff.

I gave you your interview.

Now, you go out and drink some more free mead.

Quit, bro.

Go, girl.

I think I've heard of this Iris singer.

Could be a good rabbit hole for the doc.

MARY O'MALLEY: Have a seat.

Take a load off.

Hello.

This is The Lesbian.

It's where the favorites come to relax, drink a cold one,

have a smoke.

Stuff the envelopes, you know, and talk shit.

Yeah.

Arielle and I always like to take care of our girls,

you know?

They're the hardest ones that work here.

They walk the entire fare all day in layers of layers

of clothes, more, tight-ass corsets, 5-pound wigs.

And they're the ones that have to really give and take

with the crowd.

I mean, people think that just because they're the brothel,

you know, they can talk to them any kind of way.

LISA: My girls are smart and always on their game.

MARY O'MALLEY: I love watching them put mother frackers

in their place.

I mean, that's why they deserve their own space.

Oh, don't let her fool you.

She just likes to look at our tits.

Oh.

Hospitality has its perks.

Heard-- heard from the kid?

She'll show up.

This mead is amazing.

Is it strong?

LISA: Oh, Mary O'Malley's is the strongest I've had, close to 20%

Take your time with that one.

It sneaks up on you.

Oh, Wow.

It's good.

It's good for you on the inside, on the outside.

It feels really good inside me right now.

Yeah.

[CLANCY BROTHERS & TOMMY MAKEM, "BEER, BEER,

BEER"] He ought to be an admiral a sultan or a king

And to his praises we should always sing

Look what he has done for us

He's filled us up with cheer

The Lord bless Charlie Mops

The man who invented beer beer beer tiddly beer beer beer

A bushel of malt, a barrel of hops

You stir it around with a stick

Aha

The kind of lubrication that makes your engine tick

40 pints of wallop a day will drive away the quacks

It's only 1 and 8 p a pint and 2 and 6 with tax

Cheap

He ought to be an admiral a sultan or a king

And to his praises, we should always sing

Look what he has done for us

He's filled us up with cheer

The Lord bless Charlie Mops

The man who invented beer beer beer tiddly beer beer beer

Clancy's bar, O'Reilly's pub

Mommy, she spits when she talks.

[CLANCY BROTHERS & TOMMY MAKEM, "BEER, BEER,

BEER"] One thing you can be sure of

It's Charlie's beer they sell

Thank god

Come on all you lucky lads

11:00 she stops

Five short seconds now to remember Charlie Mops

One, two, three, four, five, good enough

Hey, I found it.

Not my not my face, my phone.

Just thank you.

I feel it.

(SINGING) So fill to me a parting glass.

Good night and joy be to you all.

Genevieve, honey.

Genevieve.

Genevieve, whatever, just a little word

about your performance.

You know, we're really trying to build up

interest in the festival.

And nothing sells like romance.

So I'm going to need you to be a little bit less rigid,

soften the edges of performance just a little bit,

smile at your suitor occasionally.

A kiss on the cheek wouldn't hurt.

The crowd would love that.

PETE: OK.

I'm sorry.

Jack.

Sorry.

Do you not know anything about Queen Elizabeth, the woman who

devoted her entire life to England, refusing

to take a king in order to preserve English autonomy?

Genevieve is playing it perfectly.

And with all due respect, Jack, if you wanted romance,

maybe you shouldn't have settled on a season featuring

the Virgin Queen.

JACK: Well, you can still smile.

I mean, you can keep your hymen intact and still smile,

can't you?

Well, can you?

[LAUGHS]

Thank you, Pete.

No problem.

I was a virgin really late in life.

PETE: Cool.

Go steady, boys?

[CANNON SHOT]

What was that?

The cannon, milady.

The fair is closing, and the day is done.

What?

What happened to your face?

Isn't it sexy?

It's called a Monroe piercing.

I'm Marilyn Monroe now.

Boop, boop, you know?

I had mead and met fairies, and I rode on a dragon.

And Boomey is with the mermaids.

And I was singing with murderous Mary O'Malley.

Oh, God.

I knew murderous Mary had her hand in this.

She's just been waiting for you to interview her.

OK.

You need some food.

Come on.

But everything's closing.

Come on back to the rest area with me.

We got a bonfire and a big potluck.

It'll be fun.

Well, you want to know about the festival, don't you?

Yeah.

Come and see how the sausage is made.

I could eat.

OK.

Get all the handheld and take a camera with you everywhere

you go.

Never stop rolling, OK?

If you need a break, put it on a tripod.

Get everything we can.

Hey, camera chick, get this.

Is this Ambrosia's truck?

No, it's mine.

Oh, what's with the plates?

It says, good horse, because this is the trusty steed that

has the honor of delivering the queen to the fair every morning.

That says, goddamn horse.

[LAUGHS]

No, it does not.

It doesn't say that.

It says good horse.

Get your mind out of the gutter, Francesca.

Well, you've been driving around

in a truck with plates that say, goddamn horse on it.

No, it does not.

It does not say that.

Oh, this is too good.

This is too good.

It's your [INDISTINCT] hors

Biggest brute I know, running around with plates that say,

goddamn horse.

No, it doesn't say that!

Up yours.

Francesca.

Up yours, man.

It doesn't say that.

[LAUGHS]

What did I miss?

Love you, mother.

I love you too, kid.

Hey.

You two ever take a break?

CAMERA CHICK: Actually, I'm sitting in it

on a tripod to go potty.

Fran said she'd watch it so no one stole it.

That don't really add up, but fly free, little birdies.

Hoo!

How are you holding up?

Hmm?

All right.

I mean, good to be back.

I need the distraction.

It's good to see you.

Oh, this is from Debbie and the kids.

Hmm, lots of love.

Anything from Iris?

You know, Caliban doesn't even know where she's at,

can't find her.

And he's not making shit up and covering for each other

like he used to do.

I mean, I'm worried.

Arielle used to be the one that always, you know, mended things

with between the two of us.

She always says that--

said that the two of us are so much alike.

But I think the only thing that we have in common

is that we both put Iris first.

I'm sure she misses you.

She just doesn't know how to come home.

Come here.

She'll find it.

All right, all right.

Would you rather--

Oh, boy.

Here we go.

--have your internal dialogue be voiced by Rosie Perez,

or only be able to make sound through an inhale, like this?

Oh, yes.

Sounds like smoking, huh?

[LAUGHS]

OK, OK, OK.

Would you rather bob for a pickle in a swan pond or tongue

punch Caliban's fart box.

I'd rather tongue punch Caliban's fart box and not

tongue punch Caliban's fart box.

MARIO: That's right.

Now we're talking.

LISA: OK, I got one, I got one.

Would you rather shoot your mouth full of novocaine

and eat a steak, or eat a powdered donut

with a human poopy mustache?

No.

OK.

No, that's a good one.

That's a good one because on one hand--

so you know the inside of your mouth,

like your tongue and your cheek, it all

has the same consistency as like, a raw steak.

So you could literally be chewing and swallowing yourself

and not know.

But I don't know.

On the other hand, it is impossible to eat

a powdered donut without licking your lips,

so you are guaranteed to lick shit.

MARY O'MALLEY: Ladies and gentlemen, the King of the fair.

[CHEERING]

So nice for you to join us down here.

And where's your pet dragon?

I don't know.

I was kind of hoping to see her here.

Here?

I feel like we got off on the wrong foot.

I screwed up, and I didn't respect her place

when we first got here.

And it's just sucked ever since.

I kind of made it better today.

But then, I don't know.

By the end of the day, the scab fell off,

and it's back to Suckville.

Yeah.

Yeah.

FRANCESCA: She's a tough one.

I mean, that's why you're here.

Nobody who knows her would work with her.

MARY O'MALLEY: You can even put it on your anus.

[LAUGHS]

FRED: All right, that's a little too far.

Hey, guys, this is the Queen you're talking about.

That says, good horse, Frannie.

OK?

FRANCESCA: You're a good boy there, Pete.

And she's honestly just-- she could be the worst.

You know, I wouldn't bang her with O'Malley's dick.

Dick?

Come on.

Why don't you use your own?

We all know what drawer you keep it in.

[LAUGHS]

I definitely use it.

[CHATTER]

What's with this crazy storm they're calling for?

The 1,000-year storm.

Arielle predicted it would hit next summer, right before fair.

And do you all believe this?

Like, it's for sure happening.

Oh, it's for sure happening.

Arielle was never wrong.

I mean, and she predicted some wild shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, like, you guys remember when

she predicted that that balloon was going to get loose

over Colorado and that we were all

going to think a little boy was trapped inside?

Yes.

And they were going to get the FAA involved

to get it down safely?

But then they found out that the dad

had the boy at home all along.

And it was a big publicity stunt.

Yeah.

She predicted that.

LISA: She predicted that Back to the Future

would predict the Trump presidency.

She also predicted that if Francesca didn't finish

the whole parade the year after she died,

she would get a flesh-eating bacteria or brain parasite that

would kill her libido.

FRANCESCA: She did not say that.

But I am finishing the whole parade this year.

What?

What?

Oh, I have been training all year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Practicing like that, I have.

[LAUGHING]

OK.

I mean, she knew that Pluto wasn't a real planet.

She knew about cronuts and about shake weights,

and oh, the Sharknado movies.

I mean, OK, she would have these really specific visions

of things before they ever existed.

I mean, I'm talking years before.

And she told us about this storm,

that the coming water would rush in from the uplands,

and Overnook would wash away for good unless we do something

to stop it.

And, you know, we all thought that she would live longer,

so none of us worried about it.

But now we know, our time here is short.

We need a full Hydrow dam.

That little dike ain't going to save us.

Well, I try my best.

[LAUGHTER]

PETE: So what's-- what's the game plan?

LISA: Well, the fair makes enough money

to build onto the dike to make the Hydrow dam.

I mean, we seem busier, but I don't know,

I guess anything's possible.

But in the back of my mind, I feel like this is our last year

here together, everyone.

PETE: Well, if time is of the essence,

I'm going to do my rounds and go see the Sherwood fire.

So, see you guys.

Oh, yes.

Go find your evil queen before it starts the storm.

You know, when she gets wet, she melts.

[LAUGHING]

Hey, OK!

I don't want to talk about the Queen.

All right?

Guys, she's not that bad.

I think you guys have her all wrong.

Now, deep down, she's a pussycat.

I'm sure of it.

Well, good luck finding your pussy cat.

[LAUGHS]

Like the mighty panther.

[LAUGHS]

Pursued by pussycat.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, Richard.

Hey, Dick.

Yeah, Annika?

The good time.

Want to get hot?

Yeah!

[CHEERING]

[CHEERING]

All right, all right.

We got a brand new one just for you.

[CHEERING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I thought myself a rover

I wandered land and sea

But then I met a kind old man and his odd family

Though he had no reason

He showed kindness unto me

He bid me, sit and talk a while

And here's what he said to me

You don't have to wander

You don't have to be alone

There's room at our table

Come and make yourself at home

Seems like you've been searching

Searching for so long

Could be all you're searching for is a place where you belong.

Hey, bitch.

Hey, bitch.

Huzzah!

And how are you?

Oh, my god.

Hmm.

Are you OK?

Yeah, I think so.

How did I get in here?

Who do I need to apologize to?

Oh, my god, where's my crew?

Why is my camera there?

You said that to put it up on sticks and catch any action.

Well, I reviewed the footage.

There was no action.

You started to fade, so I set you up in here.

Did we--

Alone, no, alone.

I had other places to be.

Trust me.

All right, you need-- you need some coffee and a shower.

Oh, my god, I have to film this morning.

I can't wear this.

I wore this last night.

I don't have time to get clothes.

All right.

Got you covered.

Got you covered.

You wash that shit off your face and-- and grab a coconut water.

And I'll take care of your clothes.

CAMERA CHICK: Good day, mate.

How are you?

What happened to you?

Have you seen yourself?

Francesca hooked me up.

Thank God.

I think I look kind of hot.

Did you all keep rolling all night?

CAMERA CHICK: I got some sweet ass footage.

Great.

I got some good stuff too.

I really like these people.

Same.

CAMERA CHICK: Me too.

Where are they with their goal?

Well, I hacked local government.

They're at about 76.37%, which would

be higher had the mayor not decided to play Bitcoin bingo.

And where is that daft prick for all of this,

not supporting these folks?

I never thought filming a secret documentary

about the Overnook Renaissance Festival

was going to feel so dirty.

I mean, it would be better if they failed.

But I really don't want them to.

CAMERA CHICK: But it's good, though.

OK, OK.

Back on track.

Let's play some games.

Games.

Archery, ax throw, knife throw, star throw.

Huzzah!

How are you?

I'm Potter.

I've been running the games here at festivals since Y2K.

I love it.

Well, you know, it's mostly kids and young dudes walking up all

stud like, thinking they're going

to make a bull's eye on their first try

or stick ever throwing star they throw.

And they don't get that it takes skill or got to have a trick.

But if they're playing, I just let

them play and have a good time.

But then if I see one that's down on themselves

because they can't land it, well, that's

when I step in all quiet like, and not draw attention,

and show him a trick.

And then when the kiddo lands it, I let out a big Huzzah!

and whoop and holler and make a big deal out of it.

Well, they leave with their shoulders back

and their chest all puffed out, all proud of themselves.

It just makes my day when I can give somebody

a feeling that makes them feel proud of themselves.

I just love it.

Yeah.

LITTLE JON: I never get tired of it.

Oh, Mary Ann.

Hit him.

What?

[SPLASHING]

Again?

Come on.

Have you-- no, no, no.

Huzzah!

How are you?

How's it going?

We've been doing the Robin Hood swill porn

show for four years.

This is the fourth year.

This is the fourth year.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, because

we've been together for two years.

And we were broken up for one.

Yes, we were together for three.

Three?

Yeah. yeah, three.

Has it been three years?

It's been three years.

It's been three years.

It's been three years.

This is the third year.

It has been three.

Yes.

Because-- because Katy Cathie was in her second year over

at Channel 42.

Yes, that's when she was in her super suits

and her bob cuts.

Oh, my gosh, a little boss bitch with a bitch bob

Yes.

Oh, yes.

That was clever.

Just wondering, do you think she'd let me dress her at all,

I don't know, ever?

CAMERA CHICK: Ask her.

Just ask.

CAMERA CHICK: Yeah, do it.

She's a good kisser.

So it's just--

CAMERA CHICK: What?

I'll tell you later.

I'll tell you later.

--a Katy Cathie fan.

So--

Duh, how are you?

Indeed.

GENEVIEVE MINOLA: Did that hurt when you got it?

I don't actually remember getting it.

When did you get all tarted up?

Oh, it started this morning.

Long story.

Well, someone found the bonfires.

This is my trailer.

Just-- just let me touch up before we shoot.

What's this?

Read it out loud.

My queen, dandelions enrich and treat

the soil that they inhabit.

They create balance and an environment

in which all can thrive.

If one attempts to uproot a dandelion,

the dandelion will come back with double the strength.

They are sweet to the taste.

They have healing powers.

They are wishes yet to be made.

They are misunderstood.

They are underappreciated.

You, Genevieve, are a dandelion, devoted, hardworking, beautiful,

strong, sweet, and infinitely more than people realize.

Affectionately, your humble suitor.

Hmm.

Isn't that silly?

Quite the method actor he's turned out to be.

It is sweet, though, isn't it?

Very.

CARLA: Hey, you.

We had an agreement.

We said, you could set up here and collect your food,

and we would honor your discount.

But the church stays silent in this partnership.

Listen, it is my duty as a Christian woman

to save their souls and the souls of their children

that they're giving up to this hedonistic behavior.

I will not stay silent.

This is child abuse.

Child abuse?

Yes.

You know what?

My children grew up here.

And they are two of the most well-balanced, wonderful people

because of this place.

My daughter, she's playing Juliet this year.

And she'll probably get a college scholarship

because of it.

Oh, probably to one of those queer liberal arts colleges,

because this place has all the breeding grounds for that.

Well, it'll certainly serve her

better than barn raising or competitive cousin humping

or whatever you do up--

No, want you out of here!

You know what?

Get her out of here.

Now!

CARLA: Keep her away from me.

Keep her away from me.

My Queen.

You know, trespassing in my trailer is a class B misdemeanor

with a $2,000 fine and up to 180 days in jail.

It's a good thing your stage manager likes small batch

whiskey.

Are you, brave people who stand before me,

prepared for your knighthood?

Just like we practiced, Your Majesty,

Aye, Your Majesty.

Then I ask you to take a knee and prepare

to receive your knighthood.

Oh, thank you.

Arise and become knights of the realm.

Excuse me.

I don't want to be a knight.

I want to be a king.

Now, hear this.

Sir James claims that he would like to be my king

and forgo the life of knighthood to live with me in the castle,

I suppose?

I object.

GENEVIEVE MINOLA: Oh, do you?

I do.

And I hereby challenge this young knight

to a duel for your honor.

Bring forth the dueling armor!

In following with the rules of fair engagement

of the children's realm, a duel to the final balloon

has been declared.

Each opponent shall try to strike the other's balloons.

And the last one with the balloon left wins.

Show me what you've got.

Aha!

Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy.

It's OK.

It's OK.

[POPPING]

[CHEERING]

Anon to the winner!

Sir.

James.

[CHEERING]

Hmm.

Umm.

It's all fine.

I talked to them.

And I told them that mom was having a real tough time

with the pregnancy.

And she won't be coming back.

So we're good to collect food for the rest of the day.

We just can't hand out any church stuff.

Not that we wanted to.

Still, that was really cool of them.

Yeah.

I think he kind of took pity on me.

And I made a deal here.

For-- for real?

That badge gets you anywhere in the whole place.

Oh, dude.

Yeah.

You've never been in.

And I've seen the way you look at that Juliet girl.

So I thought I might as well go in and see her do her thing.

Who knows if we're ever going to get to come back here again?

Dude, thank you.

Thank you so much.

I owe you.

I swear, I'll get anything you want, anything you want.

Turkey legs are fine.

And some cheesecake on a stick.

Let's go.

Palace walls are high and hard to climb.

Good morning, Overnook.

I'm Katy Cathie.

And we are about to kick off the final day here

at the Overnook Renaissance Festival with Arabian Nights.

Don't miss out.

We have had a staggering season so far.

But you still have one last chance

to come out and play with us.

And that's your morning look into Overnook.

[LAUGHS]

Shut up.

What are you packing under there?

Don't-- don't start with me.

Shut up.

Shut up.

[KNOCKING]

Well, you've all made it to the final weekend.

Huzzah!

Huzzah!

We've had better attendance this year

than any other in the last decade.

I don't think I've caught one person break character even once

the entire season.

The attitudes have been the best I've seen ever.

And I'm talking about 38 years in the festival business, folks.

I think this has something to do with good old Arielle's

predictions.

I know you've been talking about it.

I do listen.

In case this is the last meeting we have together, I just

want to say, I'm so darn proud of you, every last one of you.

You know, being here with you these weekends,

they've actually been the best days of my life.

It's like, you're my own kids, even

when I want to wring your necks.

[LAUGHING]

I love you with all my heart.

And I'm a better person for having known you.

So let's get out there this weekend like our town

depends on it because it quite literally does.

Let's have lots of energy.

No anachronisms.

And let's get out there and bring this town to life!

Yeah!

Thank you.

[CLAPPING]

These YouTubees and influencers,

or whatever they want to be called,

I mean, they just started showing up here a couple

of years ago in hordes.

And they just prance around here with their phones

in their faces, not paying attention to anything,

not interacting with anybody here.

Then they come into our booths.

They ask us for free stuff, telling me

that they're going to mention me or give me a bump.

I don't need a bump.

I've done cocaine in 1716 for 12 years.

Hah!

Smartphones, making everybody stupid.

And these little nitwits, they think that they are

the only people in the world.

And to make it worse, there are hundreds of thousands

of kids just watching them do all their dumb shit.

Aah.

I mean-- and then to make it worse, my kids,

they are driving me nuts, wanting every single little

thing that one of them shows in an unboxing video.

But they make money doing it.

Well, if they have enough followers on TikTok

or whatever form they're using, some of them make millions.

Millions?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, this new age voyeurism just baffles me.

What happened to the days when we just watched

strangers have sex online?

Oh, I still do.

Influencers?

Girl, yes.

They are the children of all the bitches

who had their big, tacky but lucrative bachelorette

parties at my bar.

Now, don't get me wrong.

The money was good.

But I certainly didn't dream of growing up

to be little McKinsey's selfie station.

But dollar, dollar bills, ladies.

Oh, churl.

Drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after.

I will kiss thy lips.

Haply, some poison yet doth hang on them

to make me die with a restorative.

Thy lips are warm.

Yay, noise.

Then I'll be brief.

O happy dagger, this is thy sheath,

aah, there rust and let me die.

Whoa!

Huzzah!

How are you?

And cut!

OK, that's all I want to say.

I'd like that clip for my re-election reel.

What's this?

It's a scotch egg.

It's like breakfast sausage in a boiled egg.

It had the longest line, so it must be the best thing.

Oh, don't, Mayor!

I saved your life.

The guys back there got too drunk last night.

And they forgot to de-shell the egg.

You just see Francesca.

She's a holy shit.

Hey, hey.

Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here.

This is Luke Gygax, the Luke Gygax, like, you know,

Dungeons and Dragons, the guy.

Hey, dude.

You're here.

Can you-- it'd mean a lot if you signed my D20.

Oh.

--if you care.

Again?

OK.

Again, yes, the other side.

OK.

Yeah.

All right.

To Kyle.

Kyle?

Yep.

KYLE: The greatest Shakespeare.

No, it's too small.

Sorry.

OK.

KYLE: Go ahead.

So I have this, like, tiefling bard character

that I've modeled after Shakespeare.

I love to tell you about it.

You want to go?

Come on, come on.

Great.

Not again.

Please, tell me all about it.

Come on.

Hey.

LUKE: OK.

That's weird.

Let's go get a turkey leg.

I've always wanted one of those, walk around,

eating a turkey leg off the bone.

Never had one, Mr. Mayor?

Never been here.

Oh, wow.

Well, to be honest, neither have I.

I'm just here for the big announcement at the after party.

I'm so nervous.

Yeah, me too.

But we've got one more day.

We can hit it.

I mean, look at this place!

Are you going to do it?

I don't know.

If you don't do it today, then you don't do it ever.

I know, Lisa.

I know.

Come on, Frannie, just do it.

OK, OK, I'll just start it.

And I'll just see how far I can make it.

The whole parade, you're going to make it.

The whole parade.

I'm going as far as I can.

KYLE: Now, Frannie, are you going to actually do it?

I'm going as far as I can!

Franee, you're doing it.

Good for you.

[DAVID COFFIN, "ROLL THE OLD CHARIOT ALONG"] We'll roll

the old chariot along

We'll roll the old chariot along

And we'll all hang on behind

Oh, a little mug of beer wouldn't do us any harm

No, a little mug of beer wouldn't do us any harm

No, a little mug of beer wouldn't do us any harm

We will all hang on behind

And we'll roll

Come on, Frannie, a few more steps.

Come on.

You can do it.

You can do it.

Yes, you can.

That's my girl.

[DAVID COFFIN, "ROLL THE OLD CHARIOT ALONG"] And a little

slugger gin wouldn't do us any harm

No, a little sucker gin wouldn't do us any harm

No a little slugger gin wouldn't do us any harm.

You did the whole damn thing.

How does it feel, Francesca?

She did it.

Awesome.

Give her some space.

Give her space.

Back it up, back it up.

Give her space!

It's real.

I need some ice.

I need--

A glooming peace this morning with it brings.

The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head.

Go hence to have more talk of these sad things.

Some shall be pardoned, and some punished.

For never was a story of more woe than this,

of Juliet and her Romeo.

Master Shakespeare, come forth!

Yes, Your Majesty, I am here!

[LAUGHS]

I do not like this ending.

What? it displeases you?

It displeases me greatly.

Well, Your Majesty, that is because this is not the end.

For at this very moment, the actors

awaken from what was a mere slumber.

Rise you up, actors, and sing and dance

at this, the last huzzah!

Of our great harvest festival.

Master Shakespeare.

Hmm?

Take me away.

I have notes for your other work.

Oh, yes, please.

What notes do you have on all the excellent works

of Shakespeare?

Hey, I loved your performance.

I don't think that's how the story goes.

It's not.

OK.

We had to read it for Lit this past year.

I think that's why Jack gave me the role.

Oh, so wait.

You're a senior?

I'm a junior.

I'm Matthew.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Juliet.

See you at school, junior.

To all within the sound of my voice,

let us close this glorious festival with kindness,

gratitude for this moment in time together,

and only memories of love for never

hath there ever been a more deserving shire.

With the cannon's roar, I declare this festival

has come to an end.

[CANNON SHOT]

FRANCESCA: Hey, camera chick, come with me.

Mary wants you at Arielle's fire.

Iris?

[SOBBING]

You're not dead.

I love you.

[CRICKET SOUNDS]

[SOBBING]

Iris.

[CRICKET SOUNDS]

The stars in my eyes and my roots in the ground

and all the fire in my heart, I burn it up to you.

[CRICKET SOUNDS]

Look at the fire.

Bright colors.

OK.

I am not waiting.

Does My Queen require anything further from her noble guard?

Fred, you have been more than appeasing to my every whim.

Go now and enjoy the party.

I'm released?

You are released.

Go get your headphones and go to that silent disco

you've been going on about all day.

Hmm.

Oh, wait.

Ah, I got you a beer.

A good and humble Queen is how you will be remembered.

[CRICKET SOUNDS]

[FRENZIED MUSIC]

Vieve, there you are.

I've been looking all over for you.

You were?

I was looking for you too.

I had a beer for you, But I gave it to Fred while--

hmm, not important.

I got something for you too, my dandelion.

I could have got you a rose, you being

the Queen of England and all, but seemed a little too obvious.

Do you want me to pin it on?

Yes.

Yes, please.

OK.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, my god.

Were you trying to kiss me?

Oh, my god.

Did you not want to kiss me?

Oh, of course, I wanted to kiss you.

I didn't think I was allowed to.

--make that clear enough?

That was my first unscripted kiss.

I did it wrong.

I am so embarrassed.

Oh, my god.

That was your first kiss?

Hmm.

You gotta let me do it better than that.

Good Lord, how bright and goodly.

Save the moon!

[CHEERING]

Genevieve.

All right.

All you non-romantic assholes, pay up 50 bucks.

I told you so.

You have got to be kidding me.

Now, that's putting it on some sticks

and pointing it toward some action.

Come on, hurry up.

I hear the awards ceremony is starting.

I want to be there when the mayor announces

we got the money, and the party gets real.

Come on.

All right.

I'm just going.

Jesus, Potter, pull it together!

Struck that bullseye.

[LAUGHS]

And now for everyone's favorite part of the party,

the awards ceremony!

[CHEERING]

The award for the most successful merchant booth

goes to Martin and Bonnie Rome.

Yes.

[CHEERING]

Come on up here.

And now for the most coveted award in all of Canterbury

because it is voted on and awarded by your peers,

the award for the Best Actor of the festival

goes to Genevieve Minola!

[CHEERING]

Come on up here, Genevieve.

[CHEERING]

Oh, my god.

Thank you all.

Julie, thank you.

Thank you so much.

You have no idea how much this means to me.

I, I, I have devoted my life to my craft, you know,

being dragged to countless auditions as a child,

missing birthday parties and team sports, umm,

5:00 AM tap and jazz before middle school and college,

staying home, missing parties to bathe in breast milk and doing

Tai Chi just to allow myself, just a few more years before I

had to settle for character acting roles.

[SIGHS]

All I've ever wanted is to be respected.

And this, this award, I--

it may not have been given to me by the Hollywood Foreign

Press or the Screen Actors Guild or, you know, even

by people who have remote understanding of what

true talent, art, or culture look like.

But it was given to me by you.

And that means that you like me.

I mean, you really like me.

Thank you.

[CHEERING]

JACK: That was really special, Genevieve.

And I'm proud of you, kid.

And now, as you all know, we have a very special announcement

from a very special person, the Mayor of Overnook!

[CHEERING]

Good evening, everyone.

I'm Karla Beech, town treasurer.

I know you all were expecting the mayor.

But he got called away on other official mayoral duties.

I'm not sure how to say this.

So I'll just come right out and say it.

We did not make the goal.

We don't have the funds for the Hydrow dam.

But all is not lost.

You all made a big amount of money

that's sitting in the bank, ready to help

start the rebuilding process after the flood.

And we don't even know if it's going to flood.

[THUNDER SOUNDS]

IRIS: (SINGING) Of all the money that ever I had

I spent it in good company

And of all the harm that e'er I've done

Alas, it was to none but me

And all I've done for want and wit

My memory now will not recall

So fill to me the parting glass

Good night and joy be with you all

This has been a whirlwind of a year.

The town fell way short of their goal

due to the wildly irresponsible and unethical financial dealings

of the town's mayor, which I uncovered.

Now, I was planning on releasing that story,

but fell in love with my friends here.

So I leveraged Genevieve's viral internet fame

and started first with a TikTok channel called Not Just

Anus Girl.

It got 12 million views, day one.

Wild amounts of money started pouring in.

And I was able to donate what was needed to complete the dam.

And since then, I've started Rennies After Dark, the channel

that you've been bingeing for the past hour and a half or so.

It really plays like a great documentary

when you watch it straight through, doesn't it?

Keep the story going.

Oh, and tune in this afternoon for the Overnook

mayoral inauguration.

["ALL FOR ME GROG"] With jolly, jolly grog,

all for me beer and tobacco

Well, I spent all my tin on the lassie drinking gin

And across the Western ocean I must wander

Well, where are my boots?

My noggin noggin boots

All gone for beer and tobacco

Well, the toe, it is worn out

And the heel is knocked about

And the sole is looking out for better weather

Oh, where, where is my shirt?

My noggin noggin shirt

All gone for beer and tobacco

Well, the collar is all wore

And the sleeves, they are all tore

And the tail is looking out for better weather

Oh, well, it's all for my grog

My jolly, jolly grog

All for me beer and tobacco

Well I spent all my tin on a lassie drinking gin

And across the Western ocean I must wander

Oh where oh where is my bed

My noggin noggin bed

All gone for beer and tobacco

Well, I lent it to a whore

And now the sheets they are all torn

And the springs are looking up for better weather

And now I'm sick in the head

I haven't been to bed since I came ashore with my plunder

I see centipedes and snakes

And I'm full of pains and aches

And I think I'll make a path for way out yonder

I said it's all for me grog

A jolly jolly grog.

All for me beer and tobacco

Well I spent all my loot in a house of ill repute

And I think I'll have to go back there tomorrow

Well I say

KATY CATHIE: The most basic desire in life

is to love, be loved, and belong as one's true self.

Go find your Rennies.

["ALL FOR ME GROG"] Go back there tomorrow

1, 2, 3, take one, mark.

[BEEP]

Cut!

[LAUGHS]

Is there a new person in there?

[INDISTINCT]?

[SHOUTING]

894, take one, mark it.

Again?

Come on.

Yes.

Take two, mark it.

You saucy tart!

It's not easy the second time.

It really isn't.

And a tart and a horse man who won't choke me.

[CLAPPING]

Bonnie, I found a truck.

Oh.

Bonnie, I stole a truck.

The license plate says, goddamn horse, the horse on the window.

Bonnie, Bonnie, I found a truck.

And it's got a Hemi.

It's got a little Hemi in it.

Oh, my god.

[LAUGHS]

Shakespeare, did you know koalas carry chlamydia?

You'd get a little disease if you hug them

KYLE: Like, all of them?

FRANCESCA: Oh, my god.

This should be the entire fucking movie.

I'm going to put, like, 13.

All right.

[LAUGHING]

MARY O'MALLEY: Glad you're wearing panties.

Action.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHS]

[COUGHING]

I'm so sorry.

[CHEERING]

Thank you, fairies.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Trish is a bitch.

She has a twin.

What?

Was her name like, Brenda?

What if it's fish?

[LAUGHS]

That was disgusting.

Let's never do that again.

Yeah.

BONNIE: Camera, camera chick, Martin just upgraded my ring.

Did you see that, Potter?

POTTER: That looks all right.

You know, my first husband just gave me HPV.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm kidding, but I'm not.

I'm not kidding.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

That's a--

Yeah?

That's a wrap.

[CHEERING]

To the crew, to the crew.

Yeah.

[CHEERING]

Jessica, you did it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I thought myself a rover

I wandered land and sea

But then I met a kind of man and his odd family

Though he had no reason

He showed kindness unto me

He bid me sit and talk a while

And here's what he said to me

You don't have to wander

You don't have to be alone

There's room at our table

Come and make yourself at home

Seems like you've been searching, searching for so long

Could be all you're searching for is a place where you belong

I took up his offer not sure that it would last

But now I sit and marvel at how the years have passed

This family of strangers I count myself as one

I knew when they found me that my roving days were done

You don't have to wander

You don't have to be alone

There's room at our table

Come and make yourself at home

Seems like you've been searching, searching for so long

Could be all you're searching for is a place where you belong

I share all this with you to show I understand

The place that you belong isn't always where you plan

Now that is my story and every word is true

Since you found your way here

I have one thing to say to you

You don't have to wander

You don't have to be alone.

There's room at our table

Come and make yourself at home

Seems like you've been searching and searching for so long

Could be all you're searching for is a place where you belong

No, you don't have to wander

You don't have to be alone

Could be all you're searching for is a place where you belong