Original subtitles

[♪ Acoustic guitar playing]

[tab clicks]

[♪ "Yahoos and Triangles" by The Refreshments playing]

♪

[♪ theme song concludes]

Connie, are you still binging Hormonia?

Nah. Too much dong for me.

Counterpoint. There should be more dongs

to make up for the decades of titties on TV.

I kinda think it's just like the perfect amount of dong.

These shows are so unrealistic.

People our age just have sex or don't.

- We aren't obsessed about it. - [door bell jingles]

Who wants to help me get laid in Mexico this weekend?

What's in Mexico?

A few of the crew guys told me about this sick deal

for an all-inclusive vacation package.

Ola, do you want to go with me?

No thanks, Joseph.

That would be a pretty intense first date.

Oh, we could smash first.

If that'd make you more comfortable.

You know... it wouldn't.

Had to ask.

Guess it's me and you, Bobby. You could be my wingman.

Sounds fun, but I was gonna hang out with Connie this weekend.

I have to finish that thermo project, remember?

I know. I like watchin' you solder.

She did it in her pajamas last night.

[crunching] What?

I like watchin' too. She know what she doin'.

Bobby, go. You never take any time off.

That's because with you, every day is a vacation.

Go to Mexico, please.

Alright! Guys trip to Mexico.

It's gonna be rad!

I'll ditch him if you change your mind.

Even if we're already by the border, I'll turn around.

[Hank Hill] Why'd you wait till the day before your trip

to look for your passport?

I've been busy, Dad! We ran a promotion last month.

Do you know how many people "bought one to get one"?

Oh, Lord, there it is. Whew.

[laughs] Those earrings came with the dance moves.

Thank God you grew out of that South Korean pop phase.

You know, I have a lockbox in the bedroom

where I keep important documents like my passport

and propane safety certification.

You should get one for your bedroom, too.

Yeah, I'll get around to it.

You're always "getting around" to things.

Did you ever get around to changing your brake pads?

Oh, wait. No, I did that for you too.

If it wasn't for me, you'd be rear-ending half of Dallas.

Here, this is a checklist of things

I always do before a trip to Mexico.

You got Mexican car insurance, right?

I already have my own car insurance. Yours.

No, you're required by law to have Mexican car insurance

as soon as you cross the border.

I'll get around to... I mean, I will do it now.

- Dad. - Yes?

How do I get Mexican car insurance?

Dammit. [Sighs] Okay, fine.

I'll take care of the insurance for ya.

If you want to. It's not a big deal. Bye.

[Hank sighs]

I'm the only reason this whole family isn't dead.

[phone line ringing]

Mexican car insurance.

Agent. Agent!

Let me speak to a gotdang human being!

[♪ "Feels So Good" by Chuck Mangione hold music plays over phone line]

[humming along]

I guess I could wait a little longer.

[♪ "Feels So Good" continues playing]

Dude! There's a water slide

with a tequila bar at the top and the bottom.

- [keyboard clicking] - Good choice on the hotel.

What do you mean, we don't have a reservation?

Sorry, Señor Gribble. You don't.

Crap, okay, uh... try my alias,

[whispering] Wellington Foulfellow.

- [keyboard clicking] - That doesn't show up.

Oh, this is so weird.

I remember filling out the reservation page and everything.

Here it is. See?

Dammit, Joseph, you didn't hit confirm.

- Lo siento. - Dammit!

We're entirely booked up, you know, with NurseCon in town.

What... the [bleep]... is NurseCon?

Nurses from all over the world come into town

- for professional development seminars. - [nurses chattering]

But between you and me, it is just an excuse for them

to let loose and make very bad decisions.

[air horn blaring]

[DJ] Twerking contest starts in 10 minutes!

- [nurses cheering] - We need two volunteer judges.

Hotel guests only.

- Dammit! - [sobbing] Oh no.

[♪ Upbeat guitar music playing]

[Joseph Gribble] Bobby!

This is Señora Camila.

Joseph, you gotta be...

Miss, hello. I don't know what he...

Señor Foulfellow told me what happened.

Camila and her sister own a bed and breakfast

and they just had a cancellation.

- Our trip is saved. - Yes.

And it's up in the mountains, so you can just follow my car to there.

- [♪ Ominous music playing] - [mirror creaking]

Dude, dude, dude, I don't know about following a stranger to...

Me and my sister cook all the meals too.

And today, we are making tuétano.

¿Tuétano? Isn't that...

Roasted bone marrow.

Meat butter from the gods.

I... I mean, I guess it couldn't hurt to check it out.

- [Joseph softly whooping] - But Joe, I'm not getting out of the car

until I get eyes on that marrow.

♪

- [TV playing] - Do you want a snack?

Bobby showed me his recipe for teriyaki edamame.

Edamame is Japanese for soybeans.

I'm not sure what it means in English.

[phone buzzing]

Hank Hill.

Uh, slow down.

¿Policía? Uh, hold on, please.

It's the Mexican police. I think Bobby's in trouble.

Hold on, my wife knows Spanish.

- Hola. Me llamo Peggy Hill. - [TV shuts off]

[Policía] [on phone] ¡Es un emergencia! ¡Fue un accidente!

Mm-mm, wrong number.

- ¡Hasta luego! - [Policía] ¡No!

Listen, your son was in a car accident.

- Oh, no! - Oh, God. Is he injured?

[Policía] He is not hurt, but he is at fault.

He's being detained here at the station.

- Can we speak to him? - [Policía] Yes, of course.

- Here he is. - [Bobby Hill] Hello.

I know jail can be scary, Bobby.

So, find the biggest, baddest hombre and punch him right in the face!

What the hell happened, Bobby?

[Bobby] The insurance will cover the damage to the cars,

but I'm stuck in jail, and I need you to send me money for bail.

Got dangit, Bobby.

This is exactly the type of careless behavior I warned you about.

[Bobby] I just texted you the payment link.

- [taps phone] - $500?!

[Bobby] Please, hurry. I don't want to sleep here tonight!

I'm workin' on it! I'm workin' on it!

[Bobby] Thank you. I love you.

I, uh... [sighs]

Well, the important thing is you're not hurt...

We love you too, son!

- Son? - Think we got disconnected.

I'll wire the money now.

Bobby was with Joseph. He might be in trouble too, or dead.

I'm sure Bobby would've said something if Joseph was dead.

[♪ Ominous music plays]

We should check with the Gribbles, Hank.

- [tablet playing indistinctly] - Nancy! Have you heard from Joseph?

Sure, Sug, I'm talkin' to him right now.

- Say hi to the Hills. - Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Hill.

Joseph, have you talked to Bobby?

- Uh, yeah. - Oh, hey, guys!

This is Camila and her sister, Angela.

They own the bed and breakfast we're staying at.

You have a nice son. Big stomach.

What the hell, Bobby, why aren't you in jail?

I... uh, what?

You just called me from a Mexican prison a minute ago.

Did you get the money I wired to ya? It said it went through.

Dad, I have no idea what you're talkin' about.

Oh, no, Sugs. I think y'all have been scammed.

Not me. I said it was a wrong number.

♪

- [♪ upbeat music playing] - [police siren chirps]

[detective] There was a data breach at the insurance company.

That's how the scammers got your information.

But I don't understand. It sounded just like my son on the phone.

AI cloning. It's a very common "emergency" scam.

Did you notice "your son" speakin' in a strange or unnatural manner?

He always talks in a strange manner.

He told us he loved us. There was nothing unnatural about that.

How did I get scammed?! There's nobody more cautious than me.

I wear my seat belt in the car wash.

Sorry, but unfortunately, there's not much we can do at this point.

This is what my tax dollars are paying for?

- "Sorry's" and "unfortunately's"? - Wait.

I have one of those Police Benevolent Association stickers

on my car.

That gets us special treatment, right?

I was saving it for a speeding ticket,

but I have my good looks to get me out of those.

Best thing we can do is help you keep this from happenin' again.

Here, take these.

[Hank] A class?

You're not even gonna try to track this guy down?

Just bust open the door to his hacking hangout

with one of those new tanks the department was begging for.

Those tanks are reserved for the Cowboys parade.

Ugh. Gah.

♪

- [Dale slurping] - [Hank sighs]

- Yep. - Don't feel bad, Hank.

It's happened to the best of us.

Can't tell you how many mail-order bride scams I've fallen for.

It was five.

Worst part is, I have no recourse.

Used to be if a man stole somethin' from ya,

you'd just find him and whoop his ass.

Then, there was all those times I was catfished.

Boy, I sent a lot of money to the Philippines.

Ain't gon' lie, man, spottin' 'em scammers,

is pretty dang ol' easy, man, there's somethin' strange

'bout the way them folk talk, man. Sniff it out every dang ol' time.

If you don't exist, then you can't get scammed.

I don't pick up the phone. I don't open any mail,

electronic or snail, or carrier pigeon.

I am an apparition.

If you want, I can help disappear you too, Hank.

I don't wanna live like that. [Sighs]

Luckily, my pen pal, the Nigerian princess,

warned me about the gift card scam.

♪

[cars honking]

[Bobby] Ow! [Groaning]

It even hurts to turn my head.

Sorry! I didn't know sunscreen could expire.

I mean, I used it, too, and I'm fine.

Whatever.

Swing through Arlen on the way back so I can check on my dad.

I feel bad he was scammed.

- Shit. - What now?

Uh, I forgot my passport. We gotta turn around.

No, no, no. Look down, it's in your lap.

Uh, how long has it been there?

[groaning]

[♪ Gentle guitar music playing]

Hank? Why are we in a room filled with octogenarians?

Excuse me, I'm only 76.

And you still have your hearing. Good for you!

Ahem, welcome to SAPS,

Seniors Against Phishers and Scammers.

Here, we will teach you the tools to live cyber-safe, healthy digital lives.

[Peggy Hill] Oh, oh! Excuse me.

Please save your questions until the end of...

I just wanted to point out that I am not a senior,

as the name of this class implies.

Okay, but you're still here because you've been scammed.

No, my husband was. Right, Hank?

[sighing] Uh... yeah.

Well, perhaps you could support your husband

and all these other people, and quietly lead by example.

I know what you're doing, and I will allow it.

- If there are no other concerns... - Yeah, uh,

I have a concern about something you said a second ago.

See, I'm not interested in living a "healthy digital life."

I just wanna learn how to track down these criminals

so I can kick their asses.

Sir, over three million Americans

are victims of fraud every year, and less than 1% of those cases

- have ever been solved. - [Hank groaning]

I know you all wanna take action and go on the offensive,

but when it comes to cyber safety, the best offense

is a good defense, just like football.

Or is it the other way around in football?

[chuckles] I'm more of a chess fan.

- [under breath] I should kick his ass. - What was that?

[loudly] He said he wanted to kick the instructor's ass!

[group murmuring]

Now, this is an image of a phishing email.

There are several obvious clues which indicate that.

Mr. Hill, can you identify any of them?

Uh... I'm not sure. I guess, uh...

The sender's address is fake.

Yes. Good eye, Maryann.

An email like crypto_king@starwave.mobi is a big red flag.

Mr. Hill, someone with delayed tech literacy like yourself

may need the aid of some anti-scam software.

We happen to sell one for $99.99.

Well, I guess this is cheaper than the 500 I lost to the scammer.

No, this is a scam! I was testing you.

There... there's even a picture of a Trojan horse on the box.

My Lord, you nearly lost your money again.

Why would I think you're trying to scam me?

Will my husband's incompetency affect my grade?

- [♪ Upbeat music playing] - [drill whirring]

Hey, Dad, I got you a gift from Mexico.

It's a shot glass that says, "Tequila made me do it."

- Just put it down over there. - Okay.

So, I just stopped by to see how you were feelin'.

[Hank] Well, I'm still upset with you, if that's what you're asking.

Wait, you're upset with me because you got scammed?

I only got scammed because I thought

- you were being irresponsible again. - Again?

- What is that supposed to mean? - You forgot the list.

If you had taken it, you would've seen that item 12 was bring sunscreen,

and you wouldn't have come back lookin' like a damn fire hydrant.

Huh! Maybe I should make you a list.

Don't worry, it's way shorter than the one you made.

Number one, don't get scammed. That's it.

I was trying to keep you safe, as always.

I'm the guy that keeps us prepared and protected.

Well, maybe you aren't that guy anymore!

I gotta go. Have fun with your holes.

I will. I always do.

[♪ Somber guitar music playing]

[sighs]

[insects chirping]

♪

- [groans] - [door opens]

I had a feeling you'd be here.

Also, I saw you on my infrared cameras.

Just teach me how not to get scammed again.

I'm not lookin' to go full Gribble.

[♪ Mysterious music plays]

[on computer] Hello, I'm Hank Hill and I think propane

is the devil's oxygen.

I would never say that! How is this even legal?

This is a parody. Fair use, baby.

- Watch this. - [mouse clicking]

I'm Bill Dauterive.

I have both human and feline genitalia.

[laughs] Come on, that's funny.

You made AI renderings of everyone in the neighborhood?

Only the ones dumb enough to let me record them.

You made AI renderings of everyone in the neighborhood?

- Stop that. - I'm just trying to show you,

this is how those scammers tricked you with Bobby's voice.

- Anyone can do it. - Anyone?

It's a depraved new world, Hank.

That's why you need to live in the shadows like me.

I scrub the internet every single day to erase my digital footprints.

I create and kill off a new alias every week,

and I always wear polymer gloves if I touch anything,

including myself.

- Okay, that's enough. - You think I'm crazy, don't you?

But guess who's never been scammed or phished,

or had his identity stolen?

Cleverton Wiswall!

So, who's crazy now, Hank Hill? Social security number 263...

Okay, okay, I get it. Show me what I need to do.

Welcome to the Dale side, Hank.

[laughing maniacally]

[coughing]

[AI laughing maniacally]

- [birds chirping] - [kids chattering]

[♪ "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath playing]

- [keyboard clacking] - [mouse clicks]

♪ Finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind ♪

♪ People think I'm insane ♪

- [gasps] - ♪ Because I am frowning all the time ♪

[computer keyboard clicking]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

[Peggy gasps lightly]

[phone hangs up]

What the hell, Hank?

[Peggy scoffs]

- [machine beeps] - [Hank] Hi, you've reached the home

of, uh, two random people.

You sure you wanna use your own voice?

- [machine beeps] - Hello, you've reached the home

of my neighbors, the, uh, human family.

[♪ Song ends]

[insects chirping]

- [elevator dings] - Then he started taking it out on me,

like it was my fault.

You should cut your dad some slack. He's just shaken up.

I can tell you're distracted too. You haven't even kissed me hello yet.

Sorry, just... ah, my lips are sunburned too.

Oh, screw it.

[both] Mm.

Ooh! Worth it.

[door creaks]

[Connie So up ha no us in phone] Why is it so dark in here?

[switch clicking]

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

[gasps] We've been robbed!

[Joseph groaning]

[weakly] Help me.

- What the hell happened? - The power went out,

so I had to eat all the food before it went bad.

But you ate all the food out of the cupboards, too.

The power was out in the cupboards too.

You forgot to pay the electric bill, didn't you?

I reminded you 100 times.

Oh, that's what's so weird. I did pay it.

I even remember entering my credit card...

Oh, I see what happened. [Chuckles]

You're gonna find this funny.

I forgot to hit confirm again.

Got dangit, Joseph.

Oh, it's no big deal. I'll confirm it now.

See? All taken care of.

I gotta be honest, I thought the lights would turn right back on.

Ugh, I've had it! You are way too irresponsible.

Hey, chill. They'll probably be back on by tomorrow.

It's not just that. It's everything.

The expired sunscreen, the hotel reservation...

Okay. Okay. I... I know you're mad

and I'm happy to talk about it right after I throw up again.

[gagging]

- [Joseph retching] - [Bobby sighs]

- You alright? - I see now why my dad

- gets so frustrated with me. - [retching continues]

It's exactly how I feel about Joseph droppin' the ball all weekend.

So, like, I'm Joseph... to my dad.

- [Joseph] [retching] Oh, it's so much! - Wow, good analogy.

I'd be turned on if you didn't look like a paper-maché volcano.

Oh man, I... I may have gone too far

tellin' my dad that he couldn't protect us anymore.

My mom said he was actin' pretty nutty after that,

like, Mr. Gribble nutty.

Yikes.

But, hey, he's always been a reasonable man.

I'm sure he'll come to his senses.

- [♪ Dramatic music playing] - [motor whirring]

[flame whooshes]

[fire crackling]

[Peggy] Hank, you have a call!

What? No.

What the hell, Peggy? I told you not to answer the phone.

We are not going to live the rest of our lives

afraid of every call that comes in.

Besides, you are going to want to talk to this person.

- Hello? - [voice] Hank Hill?

This is Sly Stallone.

I'm callin' all my biggest fans such as yourself

to tell you that I'm doing a sequel to Over the Top.

Really? Well, uh, that's interesting, Mr. Stallone.

See? I told you!

If you don't mind me asking, how did you get my number?

From your profile on the Over the Top...

[Bobby and Sly's voice] ...fan club website.

You used to be very active on the message boards.

[Hank] And what was my username on those message boards?

- [Sly's voice] Hank Hill. - Could have been a lucky guess.

[Sly's voice] Anyway, Hank, I'm offering an exciting opportunity

to a select few super fans to be a producer

on Over the Top 2: Arm-ageddon.

[Bobby and Sly's voice] And if you contribute $10,000,

you'll get a co-executive producer credit.

He's asking for money. That's a red flag.

But you gotta act fast. There's only one co-EP credit left.

They don't just give those out in Hollywood, you know.

And now, he's doin' the time pressure thing.

He's goin' right by the book.

Well, Hank, what is your gut telling you?

[♪ Gentle guitar music playing]

Mr. Stallone, I'm in.

This country needs a blue-collar arm-wrestling hero

[over phone] now more than ever.

Oh, uh, wow, Mr. Hill, you really are a true fan.

Say, will you be drivin' that box van from the original?

Uh, yeah, I can't wait to drive that thing again,

thanks to your contribution.

And you know how much I'd like to contribute?

Jack squat.

You drove an 18-wheeler in that movie,

not some rolling toaster.

I must have forgot that.

Well, I don't see how. Your character's big rig was iconic.

You got me. I'm not the real Sylvester Stallone.

No, you're not.

[♪ Inspiring music playing]

You know, the real Sylvester Stallone should kick your ass

for misusing his good name, and I'd join him if I could.

Please don't kick my ass, sir.

Look, whoever you are, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Why don't you do somethin' productive with your life?

Take my son. He seemed like a lost cause,

but he ended up finding somethin' he's damn good at.

Now I'm gonna do the modern version of kicking your ass.

I'm blocking your number and reporting it as spam.

Goodbye.

- Hoyeah! - [Bobby] Yes!

I knew my dad's instincts would kick back in.

Thank you, Connie.

Your mom did a good job playing her part, too.

She told me she spent three hours

gettin' into her favorite character. Herself.

Now, let's use AI to call my dad as Jackie Chan.

♪

Your password manager is all set.

And to access this, I need to use a stupid authenticator app?

Don't worry, you'll get used to it.

Just think of this like a lockbox for your online valuables.

The cyber-safety guy said that every family

should have a code word for suspicious calls.

What do we think of "kumquats"?

- [laptop shuts] - I'm not sayin' that word.

Fine. I made a whole list of options.

How about "kiwi"?

- Does it have to be fruit? - What about "serendipity"?

That's a cool word and a decent movie.

Wrong on both accounts.

Just stop me when you hear something you like.

Here we go. "Quaint."

- "February." "Hat." - "Monkey!"

Uh-uh, wait your turn, son. "Needle."

"Noodle." "Spectacles..."

This is somethin' I wouldn't mind letting AI handle.

- [Peggy] "Paddle." - [Bobby laughing]

[Peggy] "Carnitas." "Chupacabra."

"Toblerone." "Beefsteak." "Herbivore."

"Acquaintanceship." "Didgeridoo."

"Smock." "Flibbertigibbet."

"Cooperation." "Bundt."

"Ukulele." "Chimichanga."

"Waddle." "Hallelujah." "Polyp."

"Iridescent." "Jaunty."

"Lounge wear." "Horticulture."

"Goggles." "Knockwurst."

"Hubba Bubba." "Popcorn."

"Cabbage." "Zoink."

"Wabi Sabi." "Dracula."

"Luminescence." "Scam."

[birds chirping]

- [golf club thumps] - [crowd cheering]

♪

[Hank] You know how much I'd like to contribute? Jack squat.

[♪ Fanfare playing]