Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

Little is known to us about

the elusive giant squid

and the meaning behind the patterns

of her bioluminescent glow.

They might indicate I'm lonely and looking to fuck,

or I hate you and want to kill you.

We just don't know.

Our next freak of the deep, the hairy frogfish.

Hoo!

Jinx.

They also have feet.

You're the only person that really understands me, Mols.

Which we can all agree is weird.

Whoa! Welcome to our home.

Welcome to our home.

Welcome to our home. Welcome to our home.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, I'm with Quick Things.

I've got your cheese sculpture.

No.

Are you fucking shitting me? - I know.

I actually couldn't believe it either.

What can I say? I just make the deliveries.

No, not you. Sorry, it's this person with the cheese.

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm having some friends over.

It's kind of a college reunion thing.

Dude, this is gonna be so wild.

Just lots of old boobies

I haven't touched in years, you know?

Just sagging low, probably.

Are you literally holding a lit joint right now?

Oh. Sorry.

I forgot.

Uh, we just need a signature real quick.

You're not gonna believe this. An unwashed delivery chick

just showed up at my door smoking weed.

Yeah, exactly. I should ask her where to get drugs for the party.

No, I'm not worried about the Johnsons.

I'm going to evict them. It's not a big deal.

I'm not worried about that 50-cent lawyer that they got

at the Dollar General store. Are you--

He's a fucking creampuff. I'm gonna suck him dry.

Yeah, Marta! This door.

Hey, hey. Dio, you know it's not finished.

Hey, man. - Molly girl.

- What's shaking, José? - Just taking care of business.

- Yeah. - A lot of business

to take care of. For example, this morning

I, uh, I woke up, brushed my teeth.

- Crazy. - Went to the bathroom.

- Mm-hmm - I ate a Wendy's Baconator

last night. I blew it up. And then I fed Cookie.

I did some yard work. And then I went to Costco.

You should go get pizza there.

You don't even gotta be a member.

You know how there's always like, that homie in front who's like...

"Hey, where's

your membership card?" Not out there,

because it's not inside Costco.

It's outside Costco, but it's still part of Costco.

Mm-hmm.

I've been watching the show, Sliders.

Do you remember Sliders, from the '90s?

But now it's on Syfy Network. It's not a reboot.

It's all the OG episodes with that fool, Brenden Fraser.

It was on the Syfy Network. Man, it's a trip.

- Oh. Hey. - Oh, shit, what's up, Frankie?

- What's up, dude? - Well, now that

everybody's here, Lucia's been riding me pretty hard.

Not sexually, you know,

but like, she's being all dramatic.

She's saying that if you don't pay her by next week...

Yeah, totally. No, no, no. I mean, abso-fruitly,

we are gonna have the money tomorrow, actually.

We're late. I am so sorry.

You've been so cool about it, though.

Hell yeah. You guys are always smoking that dank, dank.

All right, chicas, I'm cool.

You're cool as fuck.

Let's just be cool, right? - Hell yeah.

Rent tomorrow, though.

Bye, José.

How much rent is enough rent?

When does it stop?

Why'd you tell him we'd have it tomorrow?

Did you find cash in the fridge again?

No. I just know that you finished

that inventory doc for the med spa.

Uh, yeah.

Molly...

I'll have it done tomorrow, I swear.

Okay?

Suck on my dick.

Shit.

I just did the math on this and we owe $2,422.37.

Not including rent.

Ta-da!

Be careful with the brownie, though.

I made it crazy strong.

By accident, on purpose.

Mm. Mm!

What is that? - I put blue cheese in it.

- Blue cheese? - Yeah.

You're an innovator.

You gotta eat fast though, because...

I'm meeting Mike Z at the Mannequin Pussy Show.

Did you hang out with them last night?

No, I was with you. Remember?

We solved climate change. - Oh, yeah.

Hmm. I thought he posted a pic of you.

Who do we tell about the climate change thing?

Like, the government?

Um, that's not an... Frances Smith?!

- Hmm? - Molly, why does this

girl look like me? - Wait, what?

Wow, the girl is like exactly you,

if you wore glasses.

She's an analyst at Chapman Chemical Laboratories.

She's got a real job.

Cool, she's a scientist.

You should go anyway to the show.

What?

Who cares that Mike Z.'s

a douche who replaced you

with an upgraded version of yourself?

- Upgraded? - Metaphorically upgraded.

Hey...

Who invented the Bongatron?

When we needed to watch the Shark Week,

where Michael Phelps raced a shark,

who figured out how to steal cable from the neighbors?

- I did. - And when we got locked

in the parking lot of Party City for hours,

who invented the parachute of balloons

that got us out of there? - Me.

So you can't let some lame-o pea-brain

ruin your night just because he found a nerd

who works in a lab.

That is not the Frankie Campbell I know.

Well, come with me.

I can't.

I can't, I can't, I can't.

I got to finish the spreadsheets so we can pay José and--

Josh is coming over later to help.

You know that I love you more than Josh loves you, right?

Like if we were both in a burning building

covered in pigeons, you could only save one of us,

who's it going to be? Who's it going to be?

- Wait, no, no, stay on topic. - This is the topic.

I need you to come with me to the show

so I don't feel like a loser.

Frankie,

you're the opposite of a loser.

Everybody else is...

just a square weenie with no imagination.

- Yeah. - Yeah!

♪ Like a dog without a leash ♪

♪ Now I'm growling at a stranger ♪

♪ I am biting at their knees ♪

♪ If I wanted it You really think I'd wait ♪

♪ For their permission ♪

♪ For protection and assurances ♪

♪ That all would be delivered ♪

♪ And like our fathers did Our mothers did ♪

♪ And them and those before ♪

♪ And you say you want a difference ♪

♪ Your honor to be yours ♪

♪ Like our fathers did Our mothers did ♪

♪ And them and those before The echo-- ♪

Does this say I'm gonna kill Bartholomew?

- Hmm? - Who is Bartholomew?

And why wouldn't you just go by Bart?

- Baby, you gotta focus. - I am.

- No, on this. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Baby, what's this?

Oh, yeah. Even though she didn't graduate,

they just like, keep asking Frankie for money.

I think it's pretty rude, honestly.

Wait, wait, wait. You're telling me

Frankie went to Stanford? - Yeah.

Yeah, she used to be like, really into school and stuff.

- What did she study? - Like, the train one...

Where you invent things...

Engineering?

Yeah, that's the one. Mm-hmm. Hmm.

But you know Frankie.

She just had, like, too many ideas

and a hard time finishing stuff.

So she had a nervous breakdown and failed out.

That's so sad.

She's really sensitive about it.

So, if it ever comes up,

you just act like she chose to leave.

Yeah. She likes to feel in control.

Whoa! - Yo!

Oh, shit!

So, you're just gonna replace me with me, huh?

Like I'm a fucking iPhone update.

Frankie! Hi, good to see you.

I didn't know you'd come here.

Why does this girl look just like me?

More like, why does this girl look like me?

Yeah, I don't see it. I mean, does anybody

really look like anybody?

No, it's very, very weird actually. I don't like it.

Frankie, Frances, Frances, this is a coincidence.

I barely know this person. - Hey!

Oh!

Wait, your glasses!

I'm over this, Michael.

I can't see anything. I'm out of here.

- Babe, wait! - Michael? L-O-L.

♪ To save you from the reach ♪

♪ I am spiteful like a god ♪

♪ Seek out vengeance like the rest ♪

♪ For what they did to you I will never lay to rest ♪

How very kind of you,

but I'm allergic to roofies. Thanks

Actually, fuck it, I'm having a really bad night.

I'm severely in debt.

I hate spreadsheets.

- You hate your job? - Yeah.

It sucks. It's very boring.

And, like, you want to be a chef?

For sure. But it's hard.

Yeah. So I was thinking, what if you lived with me?

Then you wouldn't have to worry about paying rent,

and you could just dedicate yourself to your dream.

- Lived with you? - It sounds fun, right?

Like, you could rearrange my place however you wanted.

You know? And I actually have a pretty big kitchen. It's nice.

What about Frankie?

Maybe she is upgraded.

Yeah!

Upgrade me!

You can't upgrade this! - Yeah.

No one respects me except for Molly. Molly does.

She doesn't waste this.

She doesn't waste anything.

Oh, fuck no!

I'm so hungry. What if you have no snacks?

What the fuck? Are you a poser?

Come on, Frances. Come on, we don't got time to waste.

Frances?

Fucking kidding me.

I am David Barrad. Boom.

Got it?

I was hired by Dr. Olson to give you this briefcase.

Now you need to get this to Dr. Chapman

as quickly as possible, okay?

Before anybody even knows you got it. All right?

Inside-- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ow!

Inside is the most important

scientific breakthrough of our time.

Do you understand? - Mm-hmm.

Del Taco sounds perfect. Thank you. Yes, indeed.

- What? - Frances has the glasses.

Yes, they're these ones.

She's very good at science

because she works at the laboratory of Chapman,

where she is a fancy-Francey!

- Okay, okay, but just... - Who you love.

I get it. You fucking love her.

It's awesome. - Okay, do me a favor.

He knows. The best ones know.

Del Taco.

Okay, stand right there for me in the light.

I mean it's the same

You know what we're gonna do, we're gonna take you home.

Ah! Ugh. Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, my God. Baby...

I think that this is the best breakfast you ever made.

You said that yesterday about the mini muffins

with the chimichurri gummy bears.

Well, yeah. I mean, you know you can sell those, right?

Frankie!

Hey!

I finished the spreadsheet.

I just gotta look it over today,

send it off, and get that cash-ola.

So proud of you.

Prouder than Josh is, probably.

Hi, Frankie.

- Is there coffee? - How did it go last night?

Did you, uh, join the corporate

workforce of America?

- Huh? - What's up with the briefcase?

It's...

Did you open this? - No, there's a combo lock.

Mm...

Too hard. I quit.

Come on, what if there's like, treasure in there?

Or a kidney.

You can open it, Frankie.

You got this.

Wait. How did you do that?

- Science, Josh. Look it up. - Whoa, whoa.

Ugh. Fucking rank, what is that?

- Oh, my God. - God, that's worse than

the time we dumpster dived for sushi. Dove?

- Ugh. - Is it dumpster dove? Dove?

- Guys. - Doved?

GG! No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, Dio! No. No, no, no.

Oh. Ooh!

Oh, gosh.

I think I stepped on this.

Oh, yeah, there's instructions.

This isn't even English.

Like the horse language from Game of Thrones.

Uh, okay, so this is Danish.

I picked up a little bit when I had a Nordic metal phase.

- Whatever, Josh. - So this word right here,

psychedelisk, that means psychedelic drugs.

So I think that's what those are.

And this also says a bunch of stuff about, like,

money, like a lot of money...

and giant squids?

Where'd you get this?

This metalhead guy, um, Dave?

I think he said his name was Dave.

- Dave? - Yeah, but then

he wasn't a metalhead. Like, he was in disguise.

- Disguise? - Wow, you are really struggling

to follow the plot here, huh? - I'm just trying to understand.

So you went to a show...

And then some guy disguised as a metalhead

gave you a briefcase

full of expensive mystery psychedelics,

and you just took it?

Maybe you would understand better

if anyone ever liked you enough

to give you a present, Josh.

Molly and I give each other presents all of the time.

She's hungover. Don't ask her so many hard questions.

Okay. You know what? I gotta go to work,

so, baby, I love you. I'm out.

Oh, no... Don't go...

And, um, maybe keep that stuff away from the cats,

'cause this guy, NotMetalHeadDave,

might want his stuff back.

Without cat pee-pee on it. - Bye, Josh.

All right, I've got it all sewn up.

Okay, I got it to her last night,

so get it to Chapman today. Bingo bango,

invoice will be in the mail.

Oh, and I, uh, sent an additional cleaning fee

because she yakked all over my apartment.

It was blue cheese.

What? What do you mean she doesn't have it?

I mean, who the hell was the drunk dingbat

I gave it to, then?

Fuck! Fuck!

Don't you think there's something a little sinister about Josh?

Like, he could be Rosemary's Baby all grown up.

Or like, related to Elon Musk in some way.

- Okay, we need to focus. - Have you seen his shadow?

Focus! We have a very big day ahead of us.

What? What is today? March?

Frankie...

I worked really hard,

so I deserve a treat.

Think about it.

Ah! - I have a headache.

Skeleton hurts.

Key word, coupon.

I'm like, yeah, of course I love cooking, okay, obviously.

But you know what happens at restaurants?

Yelling, sweat, stress,

cocaine, affairs, having a boss.

- Customers. - Customers.

See, this is what Josh doesn't get.

He is a customer.

Oh, Josh is such a customer.

No... - What is this?

What? What's happening?

No, what's happening? - No, no.

- What is this? - No.

What is this?

Frankie, what is this?

Excuse me, what the fuck is the meaning of this?

We've been coming here for 10 years.

You understand we deserve an explanation.

Frankie, there's nothing she can do.

She's probably taking it harder than anybody.

Why?! The Ranch!

The ranch doesn't taste like this anywhere else.

Hey, hey, hey. You know what?

If this really is our last time, we've got to make it count, huh?

- Yeah. - Let's get sad later.

Let's slap this bitch on the ass on our way out.

Yeah.

Hey. All right, can't believe

this is the last time I'm going to say this.

Um, can I have two adult

endless lunches with drinks, please.

And you know I got the coupon.

It ain't closed.

Fritz! This is the last known location?

Yes.

This is where the tracker went dead.

Well, those girls didn't take it with them...

so it has to be here still.

I don't care if we have to shred every part of this place to find it.

Get to work.

♪ You are a crazy living hard in a crazy land ♪

♪ Moving yourself out west guided by the crazy hand ♪

♪ The tannest freak around You need some drier ground ♪

♪ And when you can't go up You know what your options are ♪

♪ Let's build a bridge to Hawaii, yeah ♪

♪ It's dark and it rains all the time ♪

♪ I'm guessing not the destination ♪

♪ That you had in mind ♪

♪ Your brain's unraveling the endless travel-- ♪

I'm sorry Mr. Kock.

It's not here.

They've hidden it or passed it off.

We'll track the girls and find out who their contact is.

Of course.

Take all their crap. I want this to look like a burglary.

Uncertainty in the buffet sector?

Like, is it just me, or is everything getting worse?

Did we move?

I can't believe they took Celine.

Celine and our laptops.

My laptop...

She isn't even worth anything. She's only cardboard.

The spreadsheet. The spreadsheet, Frankie.

Now I can't turn it in, and I can't get paid,

and we can't pay José,

and we're gonna be out on the street.

Vagrants. Sea urchins.

Maybe even orphans. - Orphans?

Should we call the police?

No. Fuck the police.

I'm gonna...

Um, don't call him right now.

Josh's vision can be a little limited.

Remember how judgmental he was

when we tried to adopt that skunk?

Oh, yeah. Well, what are we gonna do?

I mean, we're fucked, man.

We're two weeks late on rent.

We owe, like, a bajillion dollars.

We have less than an ounce of weed

and nothing valuable left to sell.

I mean, this is, like...

This is like, an emergency.

Frankie? Are you okay?

You look weird.

We do have something valuable left to sell.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Yes.

But we don't even know what these do.

Exactly. That's why we have to take them first.

What if they're poisonous?

Why would NotMetalHeadDave give us a briefcase

full of poison? That makes no sense.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

Unless you've got a better plan.

Something you want to... tell me?

No.

This is you and me, Molls. We're in this together.

Have I ever led you astray?

- Um... - Cheers.

I don't feel anything.

I know, me neither.

Should we take more? - No way, dude.

Classic mistake.

Jesus fucking Christ. Could you please not?

I'm resting!

Is there a man in our house?

I don't know.

That was weird.

Are you talking to me?

Yeah.

Wow. That's new.

So pretty and mysterious.

No one told me we were going swimming.

Ooh! I'm a mermaid.

I have mermaid vision.

How are you doing that?

Doing what? Doing what?

Doing what?

Talking without moving your mouth.

I have no mouth?

Am I not moving my mouth? - Wait, you are.

It's before.

- Before when? - I don't know.

Never mind.

Oh, my God, these people are such fuckwads.

What the fuck?

Dude. I think Dio just called us fuckwads.

Why?

Fuckwads? Did he say that?

Honestly, they have a lot of explaining to do.

Like why they let their weird friends

take my palace away without asking.

There's literally nowhere to hide in here anymore.

They probably ran out of money again,

which means we're back to eating discount

mystery meat, which fucking blows.

I can't believe they're responsible

for, like, my safety.

- My diet. - My well-being.

- My future. - My fate...

is in their dumb-dumb hands

- Hey! - These weed heads never listen to Josh.

- I don't like it. - Even though he's the only one

who smells good around here.

Pretty sure they're the ones who give us fleas.

Basically like snails in used clothing.

Wait, where are you going? I miss you!

Wait, I love you! I'm obsessed with you!

- I want to cuddle forever! - Me too!

Run! Oh, my gosh. Come on, come on.

Oh...

Whoa! Sea World.

I may have fucked up.

Are you thinking or talking? - I don't know.

Am I thinking or talking?

I don't know.

Hello? Frankie, hey,

you got to be careful. There are dangerous, dangerous

men looking for you, okay?

What?

- Whoa! - Whoa!

America is losing it.

You guys look like shit! - Yeah.

Jesus, this shit lasts a long time.

Yeah.

Well, at least we found Bacon Tuxedo.

The ocean is just fucking nuts, man.

Frankie. I don't think we can sell these to people.

They're terrible.

They weren't so bad.

We just didn't know what to expect.

I bet they'd be really fun for... someone.

We'll just specify that they shouldn't have any pets.

We don't know how to sell drugs like this.

We don't even know how to sell drugs, period.

I mean, who the fuck is our target audience?

Dang.

I've got it.

Oh shit, one second.

I have tracked CIA agents

with more predictable movements than these girls.

Oh!

There it is! Let's just go get it!

No.

Mr. Kock wants to know who is trying to fuck him

so he can fuck them right back.

I'll follow them.

We look fucking crazy. - We look high fashion.

I feel like you can see my vagina.

Good. You know these one percent ragers.

We're trying to fit in here.

It's kind of quiet for a rager.

They're so gonna know we don't belong right away.

These people do not have pizza tattoos,

and we're gonna get kicked out. And arrested.

Kind of hungry. I hope they have snacks.

Look, nobody's ever been arrested for crashing a party.

They're gonna have tons of food in here.

- Get out of my head! - I would, but I can't.

Ow!

Uh, is this like, a Stanford party?

Hard bail, insta-bail. Let's go.

Can I help you?

Uh, Frankie, there's a guy.

Um, fuck.

Who invited you to my party?

- Jeff? - Richie Rich?

No one is named Richie Rich in real life.

Come on, someone is named Richie Rich.

Hello?

- Richie Rich. - Jeff.

Oh, my God, Richie!

Did you invite these weird bimbos to my party?

Classic Richie Rich.

Someone is named Richie Rich.

There's like five people at this party.

We don't have to do this.

See you on the flip side.

Stanford, hey?

I have never heard of it. Oh, hey, check it out.

Thank you so much. Who is looking for drugs?

What do we have here? Bunch of white-collar criminals?

Anyone here been on the Epstein plane?

You like drugs? Sorry. - Man, this party sucks, right?

Like, maybe you could use, like, a little pick-me-up?

Like drugs? - There's no guarantee.

Shipping your kid off to Stanford doesn't mean dick.

He could still totally end up a drug dealer.

Speaking of which, you guys party?

You sick fucks. - Oh, Sandy,

it's not too late for you. Yes, divorce is a huge bummer,

but your husband sounds like a sack of shit.

You just need a fresh start! New year, new you.

New drugs.

You ever find yourself just sitting around thinking about death?

I do. Can't imagine how you feel.

It's never really too late to open yourself

to new and meaningful experiences.

Ha.

You know, people that don't finish college,

they typically go on to live, like, way more fulfilling lives.

My cousin, she went to all four years.

She's fucking dead.

No... No, it's not for kids.

I didn't go to college. I have zero regret.

But I don't know. How cool is your kid?

- Stanford. - Stanford.

Have you ever, um...

gotten high?

Look alive, short stack. Daddy's here.

So no English? Hmm. I got you.

I can act it out. Here we go.

Have you ever tried acid?

Oh, my God!

- Just I come to shock. - Shit. No.

I come to provide shock and awe.

This is not happening. Fuck!

Oh, my God, dude. What? - Muscle man. Ooh!

Doesn't feel good, motherfucker.

Ah, does it feel good to be destroyed

by a girl?

That is six for six, man. Would you like to go again?

Damn, you are like so cool.

Why are you at my shitty dad's party?

I'm just trying to sell these weird drugs I found,

but it's like, it's slim pickings out there.

Yeah, probably because like,

most people are keeping their distance.

You know, 'cause it's this thing he used to do in college.

It like, has not aged well.

Go on.

Oh yeah, me and my best friend took those.

We had a really bad time, but you probably won't.

I don't think so.

You want to buy it? - Mm-hmm.

Fuck yes! Okay, um, I am going to have to consult

with my business associate,

just like, for tax purposes.

Um, I'll be right back.

Okay, I come back. So stay.

Don't you go anywhere.

It wasn't just like one time. It was like over and over again.

- Mm-hmm. - If there was a dip somewhere,

he would just stick his dick in it.

- What? - Yeah.

I mean, like, the man literally

just like could not stop sticking his dick in dips.

And I mean, it's like, look, it's super well documented.

I mean, like, here, check it. Look, onion dip.

- Ugh! No... - Guacamole!

- There he is. - Even hummus.

- Not cool, man. - Not cool! Like, look at him.

Look at his face. You know, like,

I keep these on lock for, like, insurance purposes.

- Huh. - Yeah, like, every time

he tries to, like, ground me, I just say, like,

I know where the dicks are buried, bro.

Tight, right? - Wow.

I know we haven't known each other that long,

but I just have like a tremendous amount

of respect for you.

Holy shit, dude.

This is crazy.

You're a genius.

Genius. - Ugh, I know.

How old are you?

What? Frankie? Frankie?

Where are you?

Dude? Hey.

- What? - Hey.

I've been looking

everywhere for you. What the fuck?

- Hi. Yeah. - Hi.

I found a buyer. So let's go.

- We gotta go. - No.

- I gotta hit the road, daddy-O. - Really?

But you know, we would also really love to extort your dad.

Could you text me those pictures?

- For sure. - Okay, it's 818-555-3331.

Don't forget. - Okay. Okay.

Oh! Yikes.

That's weird. I told him I'd be right back.

Fuck! Oh, the briefcase!

It's gone! Oh, Frankie, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I never should have left him alone with it.

I just got too excited.

Everything was going so bad,

and then I finally find someone, and he seemed really into it.

Don't worry, baby. We're gravy. Check it.

Uh, what am I looking at here?

Oh my God, is that hummus?

Say goodbye to drug pushing and hello to blackmail.

This is our ticket, Moll.

Plus those drugs, we sketch us all.

I don't know, blackmail sounds dumb

and like, morally not good.

I think I like drug dealing more.

We didn't force this guy to stick his dick

in all those dips.

He made his dip dick everybody's problem,

which is a totally cancelable offense.

Plus, you lost the drugs, so we kind of have no choice.

We have to pay José or we'll become orphans.

This party sucks.

Let's raid their crudité and get out of here.

Let's go home.

They have ingested the product and been affected.

Which makes them a lovely present for Mr. Kock.

Disposable human test subjects.

Didn't we put our car here?

No way. Probably just a little bit further down.

Hey, Frankie.

You want to talk about the Stanford thing?

Just because it's been like a lot of years now,

you know, and I know it's traumatizing and all,

but maybe it's time to just like,

reexamine what you want to do.

Mm. I have a caviar ball stuck in my tooth.

I can't watch!

Oh, yep, it's out. - Yeah!

You should be MENSA, dude.

I can't believe that worked. - I know, right?

Shit, dude, I gotta pee.

I had too much of the Vueve.

Me too. Come here, let's pop squat.

I'll take care of this in 20 seconds.

Time me.

Ladies!

Did you hear that? Huh?

Oh, don't distract me, dude. I just pissed on my ankle.

Ladies!

Is he talking to us?

Are we... ladies?

Uh, do you like marijuana?

Because we have a lot in the car.

- Oh look, there's a cat too! - A cat?

Wait...

Is this too good to be true?

Actually, two cats.

That never happens. Two? One for each of us?

Yeah.

Wow, very fluffy tail!

I think this one must be a Maine Coon.

Coming! One second, we're just...

Was that a gun?! Is this about the crackers?!

'Cause I'll give them back!! Oh my God!

Hoo! You two

are the dumbest turkeys out here, I gotta tell you.

Who the fuck is that?

Uh, that is NotMetalHeadDave.

- What's he doing here? - Um, shooting a gun.

Why? Does he want to steal us?

Hello? Do you want to get kidnapped

by the clog-wearers and hung from a windmill,

or do you want to get the hell out of here?

Should we, like, ask him to put on the radio?

Hey, where are we going? - Yeah.

Someplace safe.

Well, we're away from the guns, so aren't we safe?

All will be clear once we get to the location.

- What is the location? - Yeah.

Chatsworth.

Chatsworth?! - Yes.

We are so gonna get serial killed.

I don't want to die off the 118.

This is so stressful.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't smoke that in here.

Put that out. - Dude, this is California.

I don't give a damn if it's Canada.

Put... Give me!

- Hey, hey. - Hey! Hey!

What the fuck happ--?

- Dude! - Oh, hell no. Oh, no.

- I think I just did that. - I thought with my brain

and then I did it with my eyes. - You totally did, dude. It was tight.

- Oh, my God, I'm a witch. - I don't think you're a witch,

but if you were, that would be metal as fuck.

But it's kind of scary because what if I curse us by accident?

You should think, "I wish Oasis would get back together."

Oasis is back together, dude!

Oh, my God, your powers work. You're so fucking powerful.

I'm powerful.

How did these girls happen to me?

Oh, doctor!

- Ow! - Are you--

I'm so sorry, David, I started,

I scared you. I stubbed my toe. It hurt a lot.

Hello! - Hi.

I'm Dr. Olsen. Um, where's the, uh, the briefcase?

Um, we don't have that. We haven't had it for a minute.

Yeah.

Oh, nej...

This is a disaster. - I know.

- This is a complete disaster. - I know. And there's more.

What more could there possibly be?

Hey, do you think he's a bad guy or a good guy?

Well, I like his jacket,

but all this stuff is scary, so maybe a bad guy.

Yeah, a lot of bad guys have cool jackets.

You ones,

you took the Blaekspruttesaed?

Is she spitting or talking?

Together?

I think she's asking us if we're gay.

Undiluted?

Oh, the drugs.

Were we supposed to dilute that?

Ah! Yes.

Yes.

Fuck my hole.

Fuck my hole. - I know, I know.

I want you to take my hole and fuck it,

because it's already been fucked.

Hell fuck.

Everything's fucked.

Listen to me. I-I have no idea why you thought

it would be a good idea to take the drugs.

You are dumb as rocks, and you should be dead.

But, but you may have saved the project

by effectively becoming the project.

Wait, what's the project?

Do we want to be a project? - Yeah.

Let me explain. I am a scientist

and I have been working in Denmark.

- Is everybody Dutch? - Not Dutch. Not Dutch.

Danish. - Well, then who's Dutch?

People in Holland.

- Then who's Hollish? - No one is Hollish.

I mean, someone's got to be Hollish, right?

I'm moving on.

I work for a private company called the Kock Group.

Oh.

And I have been researching giant squids.

Squids?!

Giant squids, they dwell so deep in the ocean

that no light can penetrate their habitat,

so they must have a unique way

of communicating down there in the dark.

Telepathy.

Telepathy.

Uh, six months ago, a miracle,

we were able to capture the left testicle...

Ew. - ...of a young adult male.

From this tissue, I was able to synthesize the compounds...

Nerd alert!

Yeah, like we care about some squid nut sack.

From this tissue, the left--

...the left testis. And I was able to create

the drug... Blaekspruttesaed.

- Good job. - Thank you.

- Yeah, good. - I thought if we could hear

inside one another's minds,

we could experience a greater empathy

and become more invested in the common good.

You know, that would be good.

But then I realized my employer, Mr. Kock...

He was only interested in developing

the telepathy toward mind control

and selling it to the highest bidder.

Mind control sounds really negative.

Can we go home now?

Also, I'm pretty sure I saw them two

move a damn joint with their mind.

What do you mean move

a damn joint with their mind?

Move a joint with their damn mind.

Their mother fucking mind.

I have no idea, but I know that they were smoking in my car.

Which rat is your favorite? I like that one.

I named him Oreo.

Hey! Oh, you think because this is California--

Excuse me, you have mixed Blaekspruttesaed with THC?

Define mixed.

That must be what's producing the telekinesis.

A chemical reaction with the marijuana

that you're constantly smoking?

- Define constantly. - Can you control it?

We could quit any time we wanted, let me tell you that.

- Yep. - No, not the marijuana,

the telekinesis! Can you control the telekinesis?

Can you... Here, move this flask with your mind.

Go.

I want...

Ooh! Fuck!

Break it...

Break it...

Break it. Break it. Break it.

Too hard. I quit.

It's okay.

Next time, you'll learn

to develop focus and self-control.

- I probably won't, though. - We must begin testing.

- Uh, testing? - I have to take a blood sample.

- Uh, no thank you. - Wait.

Hold.

You did not tell anyone that you took

the Blaekspruttesaed, did you?

Um, did we tell...

I mean, a couple people at this party.

- Ah... - But not that many.

But it was more of like an alumni event.

- Ah, yeah. That's probably-- - But there was one guy.

Ah...

Who I'm pretty sure was Hollish.

And when I told him,

that is when the briefcase went missing.

But maybe y'all are friends.

You are bozos. You are bozos.

Very much bozos. - Professional bozos.

- Jeff Bozos. - You are Jeff Bozos,

and you have no idea how much trouble you are in.

The girls are now as valuable for study

as the drugs themselves. We have to access

Chapman's contacts at the UN. Come on.

Uber, Uber, Uber!

- All right, one minute away. - Okay. Oh no, he stopped.

What the hell, is he turning around?

- Oh no, call him, call him. - Okay.

Hello? Gork?

Gork?! - Huh?

Ah, no, sorry, we're being chased!

Goddamn it.

Gork, where are you?

What do you mean I have a two-star rating?

There's actually a very legit reason for that.

If you-- - Hello?

Hey, is it just me,

or is NotMetalHeadDave kind of a babe?

Dude.

Seriously, he's so good at karate,

he's got all these disguises.

I bet he's pretty unexpect-- - Dude!

I'm tired of danger.

Hey, I guarantee you we just need to hole up

in the Chill Zone for a little bit,

and this whole Kock problem is just gonna blow over.

What makes you think that?

I mean, the lady in the garage was saying--

Hey, when has anything good ever come from listening

to some weirdo in a garage?

We don't have the drugs anymore.

We're not really good for anything.

Now we can just kick back, blackmail Martin Flynn,

and live in our house together forever and ever.

Plus, we have to feed the cats.

Motherfuck me. - Oh!

Why is everything so hard?

Goddamn it, José.

José.

Give me one of your shoes.

Welcome to our home.

Welcome to our home.

Hey, man, what's happening?

Nothing.

I wait for the girls.

We are friends from cat club.

Damn, fancy accent. Where are you from? Europe?

No.

My brother's been to Amsterdam.

I heard they have crazy cafés out there and shit

where you could smoke in the café.

That's like if I went to Starbucks and I said,

"Hey, let me get a caramel frappuccino and a joint."

Have you ever smoked California bud?

The girls aren't here right now. Come on, let's go.

I'll roll you a fat-ass J and you can tell me which is better,

Cali or Amsterdam.

Come on. - Uh...

Come on.

You ever seen the show Sliders?

It's on Syfy Network. It's really good.

I watch all American shows.

Oh my fucking God, you dumb bitches,

I am starving to death. - Breakfast is 20 minutes late.

That is legally a crime. - I can see my ribs!

- What do we do? - We gotta get out of town.

We just gotta wait for the blackmail money

to come through, find someplace chill.

Like Guatemala.

Dude, we had so much fun in Guatemala.

You loved the maracas, remember? You were like...

Guatemala? Frankie! I've been getting nonstop

work emails for the past 24 hours.

Molly, those were our old lives.

It's all canceled now.

We're very important fugitives.

We're runaways.

We're rebels.

Bad boys!

Okay, well, Josh is at work, so maybe we could go to--

We're not gonna go see Josh, okay?!

We're changing our names, we're not gonna tell him the new ones,

and he's never gonna find us again.

Frankie, this is serious.

I'm scared.

Should I be scared?

Hey, this is pretty serious, okay?

Which is why I think we should get out of town.

Oh, don't do that. Don't, don't cry.

You know I cry when you cry, okay?

Come here, come here, come here.

I go inside now with the girls.

Ah, you don't want to kick it?

Let's go around front.

I'm building a badass gazebo in the back yard.

Do you like meditating?

That's where I meditate, in the gazebo.

It's really cool out there.

Okay, let's go see Josh

so you can say goodbye, and then we need to get

the fuck out of here. Right now,

snacks, cats, weed, go.

Oh, I hate to waste those.

I have some notes on these sandwiches.

Hey, what are you-- What are you doing?

Shut up, Dio.

Unhand me!

Wait, is this like a vet thing?

Are we going to the vet?

I promise you they cannot afford the vet.

Hey!

Why is this closed?!

Uh, Frankie, we should go.

- Trying to get us some tunes. - Anything but ABBA.

I'm so sick of ABBA. - Don't listen to him.

I love ABBA.

Yeah, it's just

this feels like, time sensitive.

I think you have to update your phone, dude.

Let's just listen to the radio.

Celine!

This makes me emotional.

Oh shit Oh shit!

Driving. Frankie driving. I hate when she drives!

♪ When I couldn't reach ♪

♪ You gave me faith 'cause you believed ♪

♪ I'm everything... ♪

The losers have escaped with my car.

They are on the move, I am stuck.

Can you come get me?

Uh, hello?

Josh, hi! How's it going?

I'm so happy to see you.

- Whose car is that? - Go inside.

- That's a really-- - In, in, in, in.

Okay, okay, okay. What is going on?

Is this the vet? This vet looks sketchy as hell, like really unsanitary.

Josh.

- Joshie, I'm sorry... - You weren't my first choice, okay?

There's been a lot going on, all right? People are trying to kill us for science.

- There are Vikings. With guns. Kocks. - We have telepathy now.

And we have to go to Mexico. - They wanna do experiments on us

because we're special now. - The cats are dicks.

- We took those drugs with giant squids. - Is it okay if we hide out here

so we can blackmail this guy? She always likes me.

More than she likes you. - I just don't want you to get hurt.

What the fuck?!

Guys, get up.

Come on, it's just sound Sound Design.

There's a show later,

and this band, they got this intro where they're just

like, killing a bunch of police officers.

Oh, dang.

Okay, how about we go talk in the office?

Okay? Uh, what's in the office?

Why do we have to go there?

Only bad things happen in offices!

Hook up the motherfuckin' treats!

Language.

Treat time, bitch. I'm stress eating.

I am eating my feelings.

- Hey, can I have your phone? - Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna start the blackmail business.

Huh!

Hey, baby. - Hi.

So, um...

just want to ask... Don't be offended.

Did you and Frankie really take those drugs?

All this is so fucked.

Um, yeah.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. 'Cause I think you just like,

might be having a mental health event right now.

I'm just worried, yeah.

We know that you got freaky

with those dips in the '80s.

Dips cannot consent, nor can the people eating them.

No, no.

Okay, I know, but no.

I saw them. There are dudes.

They have guns, and they're coming after us for no reason.

It's like... I mean, there's a reason,

but anyways, ah, it's like a whole big thing.

Molly? - Yeah?

- How much should we ask for? A million? - No. That seems like too much.

$20,000 ought to do it.

Baby, you sound crazy.

Come on, look at me.

Look at the cats.

Ah, you're in a bag. Look at you, dork.

You are also stuck in a bag right now, dork.

The cats are in backpacks.

Think about that.

Yeah.

Let me take you home.

Yeah.

Give us $2 million or else. Mm-hmm.

And by the way, it's not even that cool

that you went to Stanford, so you don't have to keep

lording it over everyone by hosting lame

alumni events with too much cheese.

Delete the last part.

Okay.

Frankie, I am not going to Guatemala.

What?

I think those drugs really fucked us up,

made us paranoid and stuff.

I just need to get some sleep. You should too.

Josh is gonna take me home now.

You, what did you say to her?

Guys, what the fuck is going on?

- Sorry. - I can't even believe

you're considering ditching me right now.

Ditching me, when really, this is all your fault.

My fault?

I mean, you were the one that forced me

to go to the Mannequin Pussy show all by myself.

And you didn't have the rent money, dude.

Well, I would have had money for the rent

if my laptop hadn't gone stolen. - And you lost the briefcase. Ha!

Oh...

So I guess if you think about it, I'd be like completely fine if it wasn't for you.

And it's probably for the best that you were just gonna

move in with Josh and not even tell me about it.

I hadn't decided yet.

Well, I think you should.

I was gonna suggest it myself.

In fact, I think it's become clear

that you've been holding me back.

I've been holding you back?

Oh, fuck, she did the scary laugh.

Guys, I didn't want to imply

that anybody's holding anybody back.

You both love each other. - You know what, Frankie?

I have gone along with every one of your fuckwad ideas.

Let's set off fireworks in Andy Sigal's living room.

Hmm? Let's have a contest to see

who can drink the most 5-Hour Energies.

- You won that contest! - Nobody won that contest.

But the truth is that

ever since you failed out of Stanford,

you have no focus and no goals,

and you quit everything that's hard

because you're scared that if you ever actually

tried at anything, you'd fail again.

You are... lazy and delusional.

If it wasn't for me,

they would find you buried under the debt

of a million kitchen appliances

pretending to be a chef, and we all know

you're just a stoned girl in a house.

You sabotaged me

because you don't want to be a fuck-up alone.

I am tired of being dragged down with you.

So if we don't get murdered first...

I am going to move out.

Great. What a relief.

Then I could just get back on track.

- Yeah. - Back on the track to success!

I apologize, Mr. Kock.

We're picking up the lab rats now.

Olsen fled the lab so backup is meeting us at the warehouse.

See you at the dock.

I'm tired of chasing these bongloads.

This is game over.

What the hell?! - Come on, babe, let's go.

It's just the intro for the band.

You were the one that told us that in the first place.

Yeah, but soundcheck's over.

Josh. Josh!

- Josh? - I knew we could trust Josh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Get back. Get back.

Whatever's going on... - Fritz!

- We can figure it out. - Stand by the wall, hands up.

Get moving.

You're such a fucking loser, Frankie.

Here we go again.

Molly.

Bind him fast.

You can shoot them, but not me.

Whatever they did, I had nothing to do with it!

You are such a fucking pussy, man.

Yeah, well, you're a dumbass.

- You're a bitch. - Oh!

- Oh, you're a bitch. - Oh, you're a double bitch.

Hey, hey, watch, watch the cat.

Wait, Dio, I'm sorry I talked shit.

Where are you going? Please don't leave me.

Hello, I must speak with DeeDee at once. Ah!

This is so freaky. What the fuck?

You look like the other one. You are the other one.

What the fuck?

Astrid?

Yes, we have problems.

Molly!

I want to go home.

Yeah, I'll give you this one. This actually is scary.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay, you want the vom, you'll get the vom.

Uh, fuck you?

Ow, ow.

No, no, no.

Hey! - Hey, that could've been Josh.

You may have had fun dragging us all over this smoggy,

disgusting town.

But I cannot oversell how fucked you are.

"Lino."

I still don't understand Hollish,

but I just want to put it out there

that I know we haven't been on the same page,

and I'm really sorry.

But I see you and I hear you,

and I'm gonna try really hard

to make better choices in the future.

Shut the fuck up!

Frankie?

Hello? I'm sideways!

So we're gonna go by boat?

- Yes. - How long does that take?

We're gonna take a small boat, and then we'll take a big boat.

- Little boat, big boat. - Yes,

and it'll take about two weeks. - Shh!

Mmm...

My bag smells like a dispensary.

Can I have a snack first? Hungry. Snack.

I have brownies in my backpack.

Brownies are in my backpack.

Can I... Oh, please!

I can't reach them. I can't reach.

Please, go it for me. Please! Do anything for brownies.

What's the harm?

Um, no. No way. Frankie,

do not let this weird foreigner jostle me.

Don't jostle the cat.

He's touching my hair! He's giving me his germs!

Thank you.

Mmm!

Oh! So excited! These are so good!

Dude. Mmm!

Molly's a genius. Blue cheese.

Mmm! Yes!

Mmm... Oh, you, uh...

Do you want some of this?

I'll share.

Oh, come on, little buddy.

Oh, you can do it. Come on, you're so close.

No, seriously, I think it like,

moved an inch that time. Very, very close.

You know what, Dio,

if you don't have anything helpful to say,

just don't say anything, okay? Thank you.

- Ugh! - Oh, that's right,

give up on this just like you give up on your dreams.

This is a metaphor!

I can't understand you!

One time Axel got drunk

and then he peed on our coworker.

Then he blamed it on, on a...

Ah... You don't have a version in the US.

It's like a very dense bread, with pickled fish.

- Ah. - We say we like it,

but I don't know, does anyone really like it?

I... I think I need to rest.

I-I need...

Fucking lightweights.

Okay...

Okay...

Weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed.

Weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed. Telekinesis!

Focus! Frankie, focus!

Telekeniss... Ah!

Oh! Yo!

Yo...

Molly!

Molly, can you hear me?

Why did Molly have to make those brownies so fucked up?

Does anyone need to be this high?

You are driving this backpack under the influence,

and I'm actively at risk with no agency at all.

GG...

You need to go find Molly

and tell me how to get there.

Absolutely fucking not.

- Now you listen to me, fuckwad. - Oi!

I've done everything for you, literally your entire life.

I've fed you, I've cleaned up your shit,

I provided catnip and a palatial estate

without asking for anything back.

- Objection! - And now's your time

to return the favor.

Molly and Dio need us.

Still no.

- GG, come on! - You come on.

This is your chance.

This is your chance to prove to Dio

that you're not a quitter. - Yes, I am.

Okay, let's move. The boat is...

No. No, no!

No! No!

What the fuck is this?

Oh, my God, I'm so scared. This is a nightmare, an actual nightmare.

I'm going to report you to PETA for this.

I think that fear might be holding us back.

Fear is my most useful quality.

It has saved me from stranger danger,

catnapping, owls, the vacuum!

I believe in you, GG.

I know we're not just a selfish fraidy cat.

- Yes, I am. - No, we're not!

- Yes, I am. - We are not!

Yes, I am.

No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

No, I'm not!

- Oh, GG, God. - I have balls.

I have chutzpah. Look at me!

I'm flying! I'm brave!

I'm basically Vin Diesel!

You can tell Dio he's the pussy and I'm the hero!

That's my kitty!

Are you fucking high?

Come on. Come the fuck on.

Where the fuck are the girls?

Ah! Fuck this.

You're on your own. Thanks for the memories.

The kitty!

It's getting away!

I never should've said that stuff to Frankie.

That was so mean

and clearly a projection of my own fears of failure.

We're partners, soulmates.

She's the Bert to my Ernie. The Hall to my Oates.

I think we can likely trace your fear of restaurants

to too many episodes of Kitchen Nightmares,

but for every Gordon Ramsay, there's a Bobby Flay.

Josh just wants what's best for us.

Shut up, Dio.

I've come to rescue you, dude!

Oh, my God!

Oh, we're fucked. We're so fucked.

And give you this fucked up brownie

that gives you superpowers because you are my girl.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

This is the happiest I've ever been.

Get off her!

Where's Josh? I want Josh to rescue me instead.

Dude, some jabroni

has been calling me over and over and over again

like some psycho torture shit.

Come on Dio, let's go find GG, buddy.

You're gonna love Guatemala.

We're never gonna get there.

Um, dude, did you send that blackmail letter

for Martin Flynn from my email address?

Because his lawyer sounds mad.

Like super, super, super mad.

I didn't actually think that plan out super thoroughly at the time.

Fuck! - Motherfuck!

Oh, God! Molly, I'm so sorry.

I really thought I could get us out of here.

I knew it. I knew you no Guatemala.

Dio?

You're a California guy.

You don't want to learn Dutch.

And you'll be safer here, okay?

That is true.

- I love you. - This is tough love, dude.

It hurts me more than it hurts you.

Bye. No, don't eat that.

I'm rooting for you, though. Good luck in the lab!

Oh, my God...

- Oh! - Man!

You coming?

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

I don't feel well!

Run. - Oh, okay.

- Our stuff! - Those thieving motherfucks!

Come on!

Over here!

Come on, come on!

Hello?

If we can't have you alive, we will have you dead!

Shoot!

Here, take this gun.

- Oh, no. - What do you mean, no?

I'm not even allowed to use the oven. I can't have a gun!

Oh, my God. All right, here, you take it.

- Also no. - What the fuck is wrong with y'all?

Dude, guns are such a bad vibe.

I've signed like 100 petitions.

Murder? We're not gonna do murder, dude. I'm sorry.

No, fuck the NRA. Gun control now.

Okay, okay. Do you two want to be

turned into some weird herring-type dip sauce

with mayonnaise in it and shit? Is that what you want?

- No! - Take the gun.

No!

Don't go over there. Don't, Do not go.

- Oh, my God! - No, no.

- Oh... - Oh...

We're weed witches.

Fuck this violent bullshit.

Why are you guys like this?

So aggro and intense and dark.

Did the tooth fairy not come?

Did your mom give you a lame haircut?

Maybe you'd be happier if you wore socks.

You are what we call a buzzkill.

But now you will have fun.

Whether you like it or not.

Bro.

Nobody likes a guy with a gun

chugging Haterade and shooting stuff

and bumming everyone out.

Nobody likes that guy. - Yeah!

It's just a job?

You could be partying.

You could be eating tacos.

You could be napping!

You could love someone.

You could have a best friend.

Frankie. No, no, no, no, no. Get up. Get up.

You're okay. You're okay. Okay. You're alive. Cool.

Oh. Hello.

Whoa, okay, back up, back up, back up, back up.

You good?

Is it that weird that I would think

that you'd want to kiss me? I can move things with my mind.

No, Frankie, you don't understand.

You a hot-ass mess, girl. It would not happen.

Truly. Honestly. Not a chance.

The idiot is mine!

No!

It's not working anymore. I'm all out of brownie.

Frankie, I'm so scared. I don't want to die.

If you come closer, I'll blow her brains out.

Hey,

Take me instead. - What? No, Frankie, no.

Yes, Molly,

this is literally all my fault. - No!

This is fucking happening. I love you more than anything.

I'm not holding you back anymore, let's go! Take me! Come on!

Come on, come on.

No, you can't leave me.

You clean up after me all the time. It's my turn, dude.

- All right. - No!

I won't let you go! Frankie!

- Come. - I love you.

- I love you. - I love you.

Mr. Kock!

I love you. - I love you.

- I love you. - I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Mr. Kock! Here!

What in the hell was that?

Dude, what the fuck? That was metal as fuck!

Are we superheroes now? Like, squid heroes?

You're my squid hero for sure.

Molls!

It's over.

♪ For all those times you stood by me ♪

♪ For all the truth that you made me see ♪

♪ For all the joy you brought to my life ♪

♪ For all the wrong that you made right ♪

♪ For every dream you made come true ♪

♪ For all the love I found in you ♪

♪ I'll be forever thankful, baby ♪

♪ You're the one who helped me up ♪

♪ Never let me fall ♪

♪ You're the one who saw me through ♪

♪ Through it all You were-- ♪

Hey!

I wondered where that guy went.

Mmm, that was like, private.

Oh.

This is some real oppressive signage, dude.

This is government shit. We get it.

Hey.

- Federal building! - Oh!

I wanted to pee before.

Girls, this is my dear friend and colleague, Dr. Chapman.

She's been very anxious to meet both of you.

Hi.

Oh, my God, they really do

look weirdly alike.

Yes, it's just remarkable.

Would you say I'm the upgraded version of her,

or she's the upgraded version of me?

Um, uh... We like the, um,

you are the better girl.

You're the, you're the better one.

We like you more. Yes.

Sit and... - Please.

Welcome. I was able to convince

members of the UN, United Nations,

that the two of you are deeply involved,

intrinsically so,

in the most important scientific discovery

breakthrough of our time.

You think she's gonna get to the point soon?

Geez! - That could lead directly

to world peace.

They have decided to fully fund our project.

We must determine the effect of the Blaekspruttesaed,

of course, on you, so that we can recreate it.

You know, I've been thinking,

you should move in with Josh, dude.

- Assure you that the... - He objectively rocks.

- Testing will not harm you... - I was being crazy.

I'm gonna move out of the chill zone. I'm gonna get my own place.

I'll just sleep on your couch like one night a week,

or like two to five nights a week.

You are incredibly valuable assets.

As many nights as you want. Frankie, I'm gonna miss you.

I know, me too.

But this is a good thing. - $400,000.

I'm just gonna figure my shit out.

- $300,000. - You will.

Two? One, one...

$100,000.

We could have joint custody of the bongatron.

Jinx.

More than I make.

A lot more than I make.

Besides the three to four days

that you will be spending in our facilities at Stanford,

you can go about your lives as usual.

Did you just say Stanford?

That's where the laboratory is located. Is that a problem?

Lab?

Wait, wait, wait.

Could you start over?

I'm sorry.

I'm really, I'm sorry. - No.

We are offering you $100,000 each

per year, 24-hour protection,

and diplomatic immunity, you know, if you have any

legal difficulties that you need, uh, addressing.

- Yes. - I'm not surprised.

All of that is if you participate

in our scientific testing.

- Scientific testing... - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

...at Stanford.

Yes. Stanford.

Dude.

- Here. Here you go. - Just sign this. Sign.

Just sign the papers.

Where all the little tabs are.

I'll take this part.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay.

- Hold on. Sign here. - I've never really done this.

Oh. Okay. That's fine.

What'll you do with the money, girls?

All right, here you go, ma'am. Bong Appetit.

You will not regret the toothpaste, dude.

Seriously, it elevates the whole experience

into this, like, minty heaven.

Sold.

I was almost scared of that guy, but then I wasn't.

Very brave, GG. Very, very brave.

No fear.

Frankie.

Look, I gotta say that I am just

as surprised as anyone else,

but I guess as you change and grow, so does your taste.

Oh, this guy.

Look, I gotta be honest,

I just, um, can't stop thinking...

Yo, let me save you some time here, bro.

Yeah! - If you cannot handle me

at my college dropout, covered in cat hair,

thousands of dollars in debt, deadbeat,

you do not deserve me at my international property,

subject of scientific top-secret testing at Stanford,

business owner. - Boom, bitch!

I can't stop thinking about...

the sandwich. - Balls.

The one, the one that was in, uh, in Molly's bag.

I ate it on the way back from the warehouse.

It was fucking amazing.

The potato salad?

It's been haunting me ever since, really.

- Delicious. - $6.69, cash only.

Fuck me.

- There you go. - I know it's dirty,

but I love money.

Yo, one escape for frickin'

NotMetalHeadDave, who came all the way down here

just to dunk on me at work.

Whip this fuckwad up something special, will ya?

You got it, chick.

Yoink!

- Ah! - Butthole!

That's the worst chopping I've ever seen.

Completely uneven. Molly, we're gonna have

to fire this guy.

Frankie, that guy's a bonehead. Excuse my language.

Anybody who was actually cool would be frantic to date you.

Thank you, Josh. I agree.

Justice for Frankie Campbell.

- Okay! What else? - He's gonna dig that.

Fucking freak. Fucking freak1

Should I put some toothpaste?

No, are you fucking kidding me?

He doesn't get toothpaste. - He doesn't get toothpaste.

He doesn't get toothpaste.

What else?

♪ Patience ♪

♪ Patience ♪

♪ You know I've got it in my blood ♪

♪ Know I've got it in my blood ♪

It's my birthday.

Oh, no.

I think all the scientists trying to make

weed stronger really have their focus in the wrong place,

'Cause weed is strong enough, I mean,

I'm literally high as fuck all the time.

What we need to do is...

We need to breed out the compound

that's giving us cottonmouth.

Yeah.

There's, like, no way they can't do that, right?

Dude, that's a trillion-dollar idea.

- I know. - You're a genius.

I know.