Original subtitles

Booty? What?

Don't you think it's about time you took me to San Francisco and made an honest

woman out of me?

A what?

We could be socialites then.

I could be respectable.

No more of you traipsing off to some uncharted island and digging treasure.

No more of me working here at Annabelle's.

I already dug the treasure.

Just digging it up and re-hiding it again has been the hard part.

I can see it now.

Dinners on Market Street with the Stanfords and summers in Paris with the

Morgans.

We don't even know those people.

No, but we could if we was respectable.

Can you dig it up again, booty?

I mean, just for the low me.

Could you dig it up and take me away?

You know I'm a fallen flower.

What would I do without you to take me away?

Orville Fraker, I told you to keep your mangy hide the hell away from here. You

stink like a 40-ball pig.

Fraker, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Crying like a kid, face shining like a snot-slickered banister.

What do you want me to do, leave her or something? No, booty.

I want you to die.

Oh, Fraker, put that melon buster away.

There's plenty of her to go around.

No, no, no, no. You think that all your money and all your gold can buy you any

man's woman?

Don't you, booty? Don't you?

That's just it. She is any man's woman.

Booty, what the hell kind of comment is that?

Don't. Don't.

Don't.

Don't. Don't.

I hope we find what we want, Mr. Sheridan, because this leg I have bitten

off by a shark, it's starting to bother me.

Angus, I don't want to hear any more of your prattling and complaining.

I'm experiencing toe jam.

Well, sir, that's easy for you to say, because, uh, well, you don't have a

stump.

There's God's green.

Yeah, beautiful.

Angus!

A waxwing cocksucker.

Beautiful little butterflies, but boring mating rituals.

What's over there?

Hmm.

This sounds deader than hell.

Poor bugger. Must have been lost in the storm trying to find his encampment over

there. Yeah.

Somebody put some buckshot up his ass.

Hmm. An old-fashioned number-coded map.

Wonder what it means.

I suggest a fitting burial, Angus. I do put some dirt or sand or something on

it. Won't you please? Thank you. Mr. Sheridan?

I don't know proper words.

I mean, what if he's a Quaker?

Or a Jew?

There are no Jews this far west, Angus.

This is the South Pacific.

Oh.

Listen to this.

There's lessons in destiny for those who go to where the rainbows are

born.

Signed by one Booty D. Dunk.

A man of letters, no doubt.

Booty B. Dunk?

Well, Lord Flaker claimed to have killed Booty over his favorite hoe.

A who?

Not a who. A hoe?

Mr. Sheridan, I do believe we're mighty close to booty's treasure.

This must be a map of that fable treasure, Angus.

In code.

Codes were used in the last century during the Revolutionary War on account

of there being no security in the post.

Important information was always coded numerically.

Like this.

Oh, oh.

This is very strange, Angus. Listen.

The hoarder.

The hoarder.

So where's our ride, Dave?

Don't know.

Be here any second. Uh-huh.

How many times have I heard that?

Look, we're in Hawaii.

We're on vacation, and we're going to have fun, all right?

Yeah, okay.

So who's the client?

Don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

Look, we came all the way to Hawaii.

You don't know who the freaking client is? All I know is we've got to have a

meeting tonight at the hotel, okay?

Someone's showing up. Yeah. All right?

You know.

This just keeps getting better and better every day.

There. You know, I like to refine things. It's my passion.

If things gotta work right, it'll bug me.

You like this Trump cleat?

I like it.

He makes me uncomfortable.

I like it. I like the mugginess.

I also like the tuna.

And beyond that, I like the fact that...

Has the client informed us as to where there is yet?

All I know is we've got to dig something up. When there's established, it's not

somewhere else.

Dig? What do you mean, dig?

Dig for what?

I've got a feeling we'll find out what that is after we get there.

Okay?

Think we'll need to kill anybody?

Well, if the client wants us, then you've got to figure in risk.

Better get some sleep then, Davey.

I'm gonna.

When's the client coming?

Don't know.

She's late.

Wait a minute.

She?

She.

We're not supposed to tell anyone that we're here. It's a typical op procedure.

She's company.

Civvy. But you said that hardest why we're not supposed to tell a single soul

what we're doing.

Look, Serge, we're surfers. We're marlin fishermen.

But we ain't what we are.

We're broke, Dave.

That's what we are.

That too.

Yes? Hi, can I be in?

Yeah, by all means.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Hi, I'm Lacey.

Serge. Lacey Dunk, nice to meet you. How you doing?

Dave Banks.

Hi, nice to meet you as well. Finally glad to meet you.

Hi, I want you guys to take a look at something.

Booty D. Bonk buried a treasure of gold worth over a billion dollars back in

1899.

He died alone but left this number code.

Break the code and the gold is yours.

We're after buried treasure?

Yeah. I broke my great-grandfather's code last summer. It's a simple code,

but you need the whole thing.

As it turns out, it's been in my family for years, but no one's ever had it.

Now, this rag sheet business is going to trigger a whole new pack of treasure

hunters. We're going to need to start tomorrow rather than waiting around.

Makes sense to me, Serge.

So it's buried treasure we're after. But why use us?

We're not miners.

Don't worry.

This job's going to call for your specialized talents.

From now on, if anyone asks you, you're after nothing more than the blue marlin

of Hawaii.

I heard the two of you talking when I walked up.

Security is everything.

But you do have a map, right? I mean, we're not going off half-cocked here,

are we? I have a map.

I'll explain it all to you when we're out on the water.

Until then, are you going to be comfortable here?

Yeah.

I mean, after Rwanda and the Belgium-Congo, this is Vegas and the

Pacific. Good.

So I'll meet you back here in the morning and we'll leave from here.

Meanwhile, remember, mum's the word, guys.

You mean don't say anything more about what we already don't know?

Exactly. All right. Sounds good.

I'll walk you out. All right.

Nice meeting you.

I'll be back, Sarge.

Dave.

What?

I sure hope this turns out to be a big score.

I'd like to end all this roaming around the world and just settle down with a

little lady and simply breathe.

Try and get some sleep.

I'm going to.

I am asleep.

I think we've got it all this time, Serge. We've hit it. We've got the sun.

We've got the beach.

We're waiting and we've got beautiful women Sergio I must attend to my

duties I Love this place.

It's all for you It's all for me yes

To dreams to dreams our dreams

Hey.

Let's light a fire, boys.

Now? Yeah, come on. Get dressed. We gotta go.

All right.

Give us five minutes, okay?

Okay.

Leilani!

Customers. You think?

Take it to the bank. What else would they do here?

Well, this is it. Frog's charters.

I have a boat reserved here for our expedition.

Well, we found the junkyard. Where's the boat running place at?

This guy, Frog, has got the least expensive charters on this island.

Really?

Whatever gave you that idea?

All right.

Let's see what we can get.

Lacey Thomas.

Thomas, as in Jefferson?

Oh, yeah. I'm Herbie.

These here's my daughters. This here's Elvie, Angel, and Leilani.

They help me with my business.

Honored there, ladies.

I reserved a boat here about three months ago.

I guaranteed it with a deposit when I called it in from the mainland.

We're here to pick it up.

Here it is, Jack.

Only ocean-worthy craps. I got the witch here.

It's the only marlin boat I got.

All my other small boats is out on the high seas.

You should have told me you wanted a small boat.

We're just going out to Molokai Narrows. I mean, so we'll take Lacey's reserve

boat if you don't mind.

We don't care if it's a witch.

We're vacationers after the blue marlin of Hawaii is off. Yeah.

You three landlubbers crossing 200 miles of treacherous water to find a spit of

land no bigger than a pogo stick, I don't think so.

Why, hell, you blink, you'd miss it.

And I don't plan on losing me another boat.

So if you don't mind, the deal's off.

We have a reservation, and I gave you a deposit.

That's null and void, ma'am.

You know, it ain't even marlin season yet. There ain't no marlin running

anywhere near than there.

But I've given you a deposit.

I know what my rights are. I don't play with those rules.

Come on, guys. We'll find someone else.

Search. You drive?

I cannot believe this.

Ridiculous. What the hell could those three know that 15 other expeditions

didn't?

Serge, let's go.

Well, we need a boat and a crew, Lacey.

Why didn't you hire somebody you could trust?

Because even if I hire someone I can trust, I can't trust him.

Frog has the expedition equipment we need at a good price.

Everyone else is too expensive.

Well, if he doesn't go for it, we're going to have to get creative.

Morpin, get out of that hole you live in. Huh?

I got it.

What?

Go get those three and bring them back.

This must be a scam that he runs on every roof that comes here.

You send him your check, you reserve a boat, And when you get here, there's a

glitch and he's sorry, but he can't refund your money.

My God, who's this genetic misfire?

Try the Salvation Army, bud.

Captain Frog wants to talk to you.

Freak. All right, see what he wants then.

It's the native horror yarns that have me concerned.

Tales of strange things flying around.

Worse.

A spaceship rumored to have crashed out there a thousand years ago.

And the spirits of the Beezlebugs killed when it hit still haunt that island.

Well, I thank you, sweetness.

If it was me, I'd be tempted to take on a few good crew members.

In case you run into island things long earned with a long gun.

Well, judging by what you have hanging there, you're not longing for one

yourself. Well, ma'am, you know I'd hang this around my neck.

But I'd prefer to have it hanging closer to the center of my genetic potential,

if you know what I mean.

I think we better get ourselves another outfitter.

Look, I got it figured as to what your game is, so I got a proposal for you.

I supply the witch, the crew, my expertise for 25

% of Booty B. Dunk's lost treasure.

Who said anything about Booty B. Dunk's treasure?

Maybe you ought to take a hike, Dave. Nobody said anything about treasure.

I'll give you two and a half percent or forget it.

Treasure's not on the table, David.

Come on, Dave.

Let's go.

Look, Booty B dunks treasure's in the news.

You'd have to be dead or three days drunk not to know that.

You ain't pulling the wool over my eyes, man.

I even got you figured for the brains of the outfit.

Unless, of course, I join up with you.

When can you be ready to shove off?

We can have the witch ready to go tomorrow.

All right.

It's a deal, Jack.

We've been accused of a few things here, but greed isn't one of them.

We'll give you 5% of the gross if you do right by us.

David.

Isn't this great?

Reminds me of the Gulf.

Unless it smells of war.

What does that smell like? It's hard to describe.

Once it gets into your nose, it never disappears.

Like sewer and rot, melding together with sweat, blood, and gun smoke.

So that in one breath, you understand all the facts of life concerning death

and dying.

It's tiresome. That's been our reality, Lacey.

Over the years, we've lost all of our friends until it comes down to just the

two of us. In the past, we've been working for mostly money and a cause.

But lately, there's been too much hate connected with the cause.

So we seem to retire.

We ran an ad in the Soldier of Fortune hoping for reasons more sympathetic than

just sheer hate.

So I guess you could say we've been looking for something a little more

legitimate in nature.

Like this.

Up and you get your family fortune.

What about you, Lacey?

We don't know a whole heck of a lot about you.

Well, I was born in San Francisco, but I moved to L.A. to go to law school at

UCLA.

My dad died just this past January, and the code that was written by my great

-grandfather, I found it in my father's personal articles.

I did some research and found out that my father never believed the treasure

actually existed.

But the Smithsonian report convinced me that it was real because there was a

page missing from the code, and I found that.

Hey!

When we get to the island, we're going to have to drop anchor about a mile

offshore. There's a reef out there. It's dangerous.

This old sandpan sure is on her last wobbly legs. Jack, take it down.

We're going to blow an inch. All right, down one quarter, Miss Elvie.

Out of the way!

Make room for the white witch!

I'm in love.

Hi, I'm Serge.

People call me Serge.

I'm not much of a seaman myself.

Angel. People call me Angel.

So you really Frog's daughter?

No, he just says that.

Actually, I do all his cooking.

Yeah, what about all the touristy scams? He does that, but he always gets caught.

Kind of like you guys. You caught him, but everything came out good in the end.

Yeah, well, we're razor sharp.

Still doubt about that.

You much of a not-man?

A what-man?

Not.

I'll show you some nots. Come on.

What do you say?

Yeah, I could be a not-man.

Sure. Follow me.

At some point in time, we're going to have to pinpoint where the treasure

lies. Frog need to know, and so will I.

Well, hopefully by that time, we'll have a better handle on Frog's intentions and

his women.

All right. But until then, we may need to come up with a plan just in case

there's trouble. Well, that's your department, David.

My department is getting us there.

If there's trouble, Nick Jack will make it your department, Lacey.

Okay, so what do you propose?

Do you have a plan for defensive posture?

Well, I suggest if they try to kill us, we should kill them first.

That's genius, David.

You see, a sailor needs to know how to tie and untie a hundred different knots.

Oh, yeah?

I didn't know there were a hundred different knots.

There are.

And each knot has a specific purpose.

Some knots lock and can't be broken.

Some knots just take up slack.

A sheepshank does that.

Some knots hold things in place.

A bowlet.

And some knots, they just slip open.

Like this.

There's a lot of things knots can make easier.

Thank you.

It's quite an assortment of coconuts you've got assembled on this barge,

Froggy. Well, ain't no day at the beach, but, uh, I'm doing a pinch.

Bon appétit.

More.

You ain't mugged.

Jack, can I have a sip?

Shut up.

Okay.

Sliced up?

Yeah. Yeah, he got in a knife fight in the merchant marine.

Over a glass of milk.

I guess it ain't just for breakfast anymore.

Then more peon.

Well, everything's got to have a name, ma'am.

Crab's as good as any.

He doesn't look human.

Well, that's because he's half Hawaiian, half Caucasian, and half dirty dog.

It's a damn lethal combination, too, if you ask me.

Yeah. I remember this Ethiopian.

Got his nose cut off in a knife fight once.

Just after running around with a seashell on his face.

What did you wear them bags around his waist for?

Oh, hell, that's bug brains and bat wings.

It's all his medicine.

Is he sick?

Well, he ain't well.

Up here?

Yeah. Well, now that you're all finally fed, due to the culinary skills of my

gourmet chef down there, What do you say we have our first meeting about the

charts to do this cash?

Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Froggy. Nobody has the charts except Lacey.

She has the code.

What code?

My laptop password.

It's up here.

Well, I guess you're right.

Probably best kept a secret on this ocean of skunks.

Y'all ever see Waterworld?

Hell, I've seen stuff happen out here.

Make Waterworld look like kids playing on a duck pond.

So, anybody for a shot of whiskey and a song?

I am. Yeah. Well, good.

Marvin. Yeah.

Bring me my box.

Oh, I get it.

The renaissance man.

Yep.

This here is a song I wrote about a woman I loved a long, long time ago.

Oh, so far back now that when I think about her, sometimes I see only a blur.

But you know, a day ain't passed in my life that I don't think about her at

least once.

You can hum along if you like, but I don't expect you to know the words.

Oh, no, no, no, Jack.

I got the rhythm of a dog wagging its tail against the garbage you can't live.

No good.

Well, I love you Make no mistake dear

Believe it or not

I really give a damn

So why must

you try to change me?

I love you the way I am.

Now a man loves a woman hoping she will

never change.

A woman loves a man hoping he will.

Neither one of them happen

I

Love her still

Yes, I love Make

no mistake dear

Nothing was ever okay after getting a shot.

Yeah, you got shot.

Serge, are you awake?

Hey.

Oh, God, you scared me.

What's up?

I can't sleep.

I'm too excited now that we're here.

I think I'm going to go topside for some air. Do you want to come?

No. But be careful up there, okay?

And I'll get Dave.

Ain't no match for me.

Can you two handle the girl? Oh, yeah. Are you kidding?

I mean,

come on. It's the three of them against the lot.

Can you handle Serge?

But do we have to do this?

Can we just share?

What? Yeah, and have fun.

All three of them are sexy.

I don't want to have to kill anybody.

Can't we just have fun?

You want to share a booty's booty?

You do what you gotta do.

I didn't know I had to be a pirate. I thought all I had to do just look good

and make pop stickers.

I say we kill them all now while they sleep. Yeah. While it's easy.

Steal the map.

Get rich.

Hell, after that we call Mary Chippendale dancers if we wanted. Woo!

We ain't murderers.

Murder ain't class.

You think I can kill somebody?

Shut up.

We're greedy.

We're classy.

Ain't no class in murder.

So there'll be no killing unless I give the word.

If one of you don't fuck one of them, that's all right with me.

Getting all ready.

Okay, Big Jack, so when's when gonna be?

When's what gonna be?

When do we make our move?

When is when I say it is, and not any sooner.

Fine.

I got my eye on Dave.

He's a hunk.

I'll take it. So hands off to you, Brogs.

Well, I guess we all have our needs, don't we?

Anybody want another drink?

I'm going down to the boat store.

If I'm going to take on a hunk like Dave, I better tip the edge off so I'm

not too much of a woman for him.

All right, everybody.

Let's get some sleep. It's going to be a long night.

Except for you.

You know, I don't like it when it gets this dark and stormy.

This is a bad omen.

Well, I think LV likes me.

Something to say?

Shut up, Morpeth. You're trying to be my patient. Maybe I ought to kill you

myself. Put you out of your misery.

You look like you need a real woman.

It rains pretty hard.

Storm, storm.

Scares me, Big Jack.

Shut up.

Okay.

I guess you can tell.

I really like you, lover boy.

All right, lover boy.

Get dressed. We got a big problem out here.

All right, Jack.

Make a move and I'll blow your head off.

That makes sense.

You make a move and the last thing you hear is your throat getting slit.

Okay.

You gonna do what I say?

Mm-hmm. You better not move.

You see me move?

This ain't nothing but a whore-hearted mutiny. And you deserve nothing better

than to be strung up by the mast.

You just be wanting to do it, right, Jack?

Bingo! Well, since you wanted to kill us first, we decided to save you the

trouble. You gonna kill yourself for us?

Shut up, Morphin!

Good thing he's on your side, Jack.

We're taking this launch.

Yeah, you three, on 200 miles of open water.

Homie don't think so.

We're leaving you here tied up until we find out what we're looking for.

Once we have all the treasure aboard...

We're taking this boat back to Oahu, and you'll face charges.

What if we die of thirst?

You ever seen a man die of thirst?

Why, his damn tongue swells up the size of an Italian salami.

Don't worry, Jack.

We'll be back. And when we do, we'll feed you all the food and water you

want. One at a time, of course. And guess where you'll be in line.

See ya.

Good night.

Let's go.

See ya, Jackie.

Morphin! Morphin!

The fool's left the knife.

Grab it with your teeth and cut me loose.

Secure the boat.

I see him down the beach.

Hang on to that machete.

They're waiting for us. They know we got him out now.

It's useless to try and get away, Dave.

Give up while I'm still in a good mood. What do you want from us, Jack?

We want the map.

Yeah. Give him an answer, Serge.

David, you can't shoot him. That's cold-blooded murder.

Serge?

Luke?

Where'd I go?

Luke! Serge!

You shot my fucking bird!

Follow us, Jack, and you'll join that cock to an eternity!

Come on, let's get out of here.

It's okay, Jack. It was an instant kill. He's in birdie habit. He's in birdie

habit.

What is this place?

Fish camp.

Probably used by transient Hawaiians or something.

You get the feeling we're not the first expedition to come up here with Frog?

Yeah. I don't think Jack's a murderer.

Sociopath, maybe, but I don't think he's a killer at heart.

Well, I'm not going to wait to find out.

Dave, we forgot to fill the canteens.

We're going to have to make a stand.

I better check the perimeter.

Rig something up to slow those weasels down if they decide to come.

This place has been used by fishermen over the years.

Bamboo's still fresh.

This is as far back as we retreat.

Does that mean help will come?

It means help might come.

But for right now, we're on our own.

According to my calculations, we're very close to the treasure.

Should be within about 100 feet or so.

We'll wait till night then.

That's when we'll set up our defenses.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Oh, Lou, you was a good old bird.

You might not have been the prettiest thing going, but...

You was a good friend to me.

You made my life much more well-rounded.

I'm going to miss you.

Shut up! I'm trying to give old Luke a solemn send-off. You know we're howling

like some kind of moron.

Serge.

Hey, don't worry.

Even the golf surge could outfox the best of them.

Leilani, I see something out there.

Check it out.

Morphin, if you want to howl...

Go howl down the beach somewhere.

Try and find something. Go find something to kill.

Move it!

You didn't think going after millions of treasures was going to be safe, did you?

I guess I really didn't think about it.

But I hired you guys, so I guess my instincts were right.

For a lost student, anyway.

Are you going to try to kill us, Serge?

Nope. Just trying to keep from getting killed.

Good.

you

Smart guy like you?

Well, I wouldn't follow a search.

Let Jack do his thing.

I wouldn't want to have to kill you.

Especially after this.

Hey, we'll slow Big Jack down a little before night's out.

You know, when I first met Morphin, he's 15.

Living in a Chinese junk that had no parents, no relatives.

Drank nothing but milk.

It ain't just for breakfast anymore.

What was it?

What'd you see?

Nothing. I didn't see a thing.

I could have sworn I saw something out there.

Dave! Lacey!

Don't be startled. I've got my war paint on.

This here's a white flag.

Last sip.

I never had a chance to fill these up.

Take it.

Hey.

Anything happens to me, kill him.

Slowly.

You know how to do it.

It'll be a pleasure.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Let's just see what kind of deal we can make first.

I really don't think a deal is going to be possible.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I'm going to find out.

What's your proposal, Jack?

Well, hell, Dave.

First off, I want you to know I hate greed.

Second off, I hate violence.

Oh, I'm not opposed to stringing up an errant Polynesian once in a while.

But generally speaking, I'm as gentle as the next jerk-off coming down the pike.

You know, Dave, times is hard.

Get to the point. The point is, give me the map.

Hey, Jackie boy, I got something in my hand to make dead men dance.

What, you bank me? Now you want to cut my throat?

Christ.

No.

Good to know the old magic still works.

Jack!

Jack, I ain't going to make it. I'm drifting a finger.

Was she dead?

Yeah.

As long as she don't swallow too much sand, she ain't. She's got a point

there, Jack.

Ain't no telling where old Serge has been.

One day you could be trips and along and then bam!

You get your nuts crushed like a drugstore sundae.

First my bird, Luke.

And now this.

Where does a guy learn to do shit like this?

Ain't no time.

You may find Lacey's notes kind of confusing.

I know I sure did.

You wanted the map? You got it. You call this a map?

I can't make heads or tails out of it. Hey, but the paper's soft.

So you know what you can do with it?

It's gibberish.

What am I supposed to do with gibberish?

I want treasure.

You got the map, you got the crew, and you got the guns that I should have

thrown overboard, but I didn't.

Out of compassion, I guess.

Bullshit, you messed up.

Yeah, I sure did.

You know, Elvie there may not count for much, but that Surge shot my damn Luke,

and he's just a damn bird.

I owe you one for that one. Plus, I'm gonna need Lacey to help me find the

treasure.

What'd he say?

Nothing we don't already know.

Where's Lacey?

She was just here.

I turned my back on her when you came through the door.

Lacey! Lacey!

Lacey!

Lacey!

Had to be an animal.

You don't think it was Lacey, do you?

Nah, it was definitely an animal.

Well, Crab, what have we here?

He's going to join us, boss.

Not a chance, Crab, you fool.

I want to stick this teeth up, boss. Just leave it, Crab, before I have to

kill you myself.

You said I could stick somebody!

I said that was a down-the-road piece of the pie, you moron. Now sleeve that

blade before I blow both those kneecaps off at the knobs.

Honest to God, Lacey, I never meant no harm.

Why'd you save my life?

I ain't no killer.

Which is more than I can say for the rest of these rascals.

But enough talk.

Let's find the treasure.

Serge will get you.

You can't control a man like that.

I got no fear when an ounce of that yellow metal's selling for $3.50 and the

market's crashing. Let's get it.

Lacey, where are you?

We got to break camp. Let's move.

Don't try nothing funny.

The jungle, you know. Let's go.

Jesus Christ, what happened here?

No sign of them.

Look.

Tennis shoe tracks, bro.

They got Lacey.

They must have headed up the canyon.

Only thing they could have done.

Why would they go up there if the treasure's buried down here on the beach

somewhere?

She's gonna trick them.

Give us enough time to set an ambush.

You think?

Guess you're studying to be a lawyer, remember?

Yeah, right.

Let's go.

So it's like she's leading them the wrong way.

It'll only be a matter of time before Big Jack figures it out and decides to

stick a pistol barrel to her head.

There are leaves along the waterline yeah

You've had to come through here I know

It's Lacey's.

Lacey's.

Let's go.

All right, Jack.

Treasure's right here under this tip, right here in the ground.

This is bullshit.

This ain't it.

This is it. It's right here. It's 50 feet below in this section right here.

We can't dig here. I'm telling you, there's no way it can be here. Why? It'd

be as deep in water in two feet.

Well, you figure it out, you big dumb pirate.

Serge, go for the water.

Try to scare them first.

Don't worry.

I'll just give them a love tap.

What the hell are you talking about? I've been studying the code for three

months. It's exactly in this spot. 50 to 75 feet below us, right here.

You're a damn traitor, and you sure as hell ain't no pirate.

You're right, Jack. That's the truth.

Sit down. Don't move.

Climb up, Serge.

We'll be safe with you here, Jack.

I'm safe.

I never hurt nobody.

I'm just a greedy son of a bitch is all.

I don't kill people.

You and Serge's the one done in, Albie.

Serge there sucked her up in a pit.

What's that about?

That counts as murder in my book.

We tied up at the other end of the boat.

Pulled her out about an hour ago before she choked on too much sand.

You are a crazy son of a bitch, Serge.

Dreaming up pits what'll suck a person up whole.

Yeah, I know.

Lie down.

You'll be comfortable here, Jack, until we get back to Honolulu.

Let's go.

See you, Jackie.

All right, you guys. I say when the storm breaks, we go for it.

What?

All right, let's vote on it.

I say we go home. No votes.

We should cut our losses right now.

What is this?

We got a lawyer, a commie, a pinko, a Soviet stooge who don't believe in

democracy. This isn't a democracy search. This is reality.

I say we turn this vote around and head back to Honolulu.

You're not with me, Dave?

Lacey, Dave and I, we could out-chuck-chuck in that. We out-jack

-jack here in the tropics. If there's a Scarface Gremlin out there, The locker

in him, too.

In the meantime, we're after a big-time treasure.

Me, I vote for gold.

Gold. I vote for gold, too. And then we go back.

Oh, yes.

Well,

I say I want a gold.

Great.

Anything could happen to us. We've been lucky so far.

We could have been killed.

I see.

Anybody can say what might happen.

That's what's gonna happen. It's the hard part.

Just as hard as it is easy to say what has happened.

You see, I believe... Serge.

Look, Lacey.

Don't worry. We'll be careful, okay?

That way what might happen won't.

But when you go out on a big treasure hunt like this, you gotta expect to live

on the edge.

And I mean live on the edge.

You don't just get to go home at 6 o'clock here.

Right, Serge?

Hey, how you doing?

Good. What's up?

Just catching up on some reading. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

What do you got in the bottle?

Oil. Oil, huh?

Mm-hmm. You get a greasy engine?

Not for greasy engine, no.

How's your back?

It's not bad.

I've been hurt worse, believe me. I think I can help you.

Oh, yeah?

How's that?

Well, my uncle is the greatest masseur in China. Oh, yeah? I learned from him.

So you learned some ancient Chinese secrets. Is that what you're telling me?

You will find out.

Yeah, but not here.

Let's take the launch into the beach, okay?

So how'd you end up with Frog?

Well, when I came here from China, I had no place to stay.

So I met him on the beach of Waikiki.

So he offered me a place to stay in exchange for a cookie

Feels

good, it's supposed to heal your wounds

you

reference somewhere.

That looks good right there.

Right here?

Needs to be a little bit higher.

All right, let me level it up.

As soon as you guys got this figured out, I'm ready.

Okay, set.

That's great.

Hey, does that mean we found the treasure?

According to the numbers, we should be real close.

About 1230, the shadow's going to hit that peak up over there, and I'll draw

my next fix off of that.

If the code's real, the treasure should be right here on...

All right, let's go.

How does that look, Lacey?

It's all right down here.

Tighten up some, Serge.

All right, David. Make sure I have a nice straight line here so we get a

clean mark in the center.

All right, that looks better. All right.

Sweetness, move yours a little bit back now, too.

Hey, come on, Serge. Get the shovel.

Got a mark for you.

Do it.

X marks the spot, Dave.

how far do you think we'll have to dig 15 maybe 20 feet tops two days just like

Bosnia

I was minded to dig a pit like this.

Yeah, we must be half of our might to be in it.

Looks like we're below the waterline now.

Way below.

Yeah, you got that right, brother.

As long as he's not sure until we should be okay.

He must have been working for years to figure out the system.

Probably on his way to China or something.

The way I got it, I figured how good he was only one man.

So he could only dug down so far by himself.

I think we should hit something soon.

One more pound, let's break the launch.

10-4.

You want me to dig?

Yeah.

Voila.

The Mexican banjo's playing my tune.

All right.

Take her out and send her down with some water. Okay.

It's thicker than a football.

Nah. It's thicker than two footballs. Lacey!

We're dropped!

Lacey, listen to me! We ain't got much time!

Go get frogs!

We need frogs!

We'll never get out!

Fucker had a sense of humor, though! You gotta give him that!

Let you find millions so you can die!

Have you found any? Because if you have, I got some plans. All right, Big Jack,

time to help or time to die.

I don't want to have to shoot you now, Jack.

I don't want you to have to shoot me, baby.

Then do as you're told.

Okay, Dave, I'll get the rope loose and get the boat a-running. You two drag it

up here and we'll pull this whole son of a bitch apart.

I've had enough of this, all right?

There's plenty of gold for all of us. I ain't sharing what's rightly mine with

nobody. Excuse me, Jack. It's rightfully mine.

When I get back to Honolulu, I'll tell everybody where you are, safe and sound.

They'll come back for you.

You know, Jack, there were a few times when I could have killed you, but I

didn't. I don't know. I just didn't shoot you while I had the chance.

I didn't know you were a killer.

I never killed nobody.

I'm a little greedy, but I never killed nobody.

But I figure I owe you one for Luke, Serge.

You're going to shoot me over a duck. He wasn't a duck.

He was a Malaysian greenback parrot.

What's the difference?

You just don't shoot a man over a freaking duck.

God damn it.

Shit. I knew that bastard was going to try something like this.

Women are the poorest excuse for pirates I've ever seen.

That's right, Jack.

Frog, you tried to kill us. That disqualifies you from any leniency.

I want my fair share of the treasure.

Now, the way I got it figured, you two deaf have been digging up millions more

than what I've ever seen.

Too bad you don't got a parrot on the other shoulder, Frog.

It'd make my day.

You are a sick son of a bitch, Serge.

You really are.

Dave, I'm about to go. Forget it, Frog.

You saved our lives.

So consider this your reward if we just don't kill you right here.

You're going back to Oahu to face charges.

Let's go.

See you, Froggy.

This is a bad fucking mess I'm in.

It must be worth millions.

There's more down there, too. Tons more, I'll bet.

The chest just filled with gems and pieces of eight.

Lacey, does anybody know where Booty found his treasure? A Portuguese sailing

ship ran aground in Macau about 500 years ago.

My great-grandfather was in Lisbon and he translated the logs in diaries.

Eventually, he found the treasure in the South China Sea.

He decided to transport it to the Old Sandwich Islands in Hawaii so he could

have easy access to the U.S. mainland.

But he died before he ever got there, so the location of the money pit was a

mystery.

At least until now.

Well, since we know where it is, we can use the money to finance a real

excavation. Pumps, lifts, and things like that. I would have never believed

we could have done this.

All right.

We'll head back to Hollywood.

Wayne goes, got some grub down here.

A guy gets hungry, you know.

You brought food, didn't you?

Who's that?

Oh, God.

Surge by Christ, you cowardly skunk.

What'd you do? Come down here to do me while I'm all tossed up like a holiday

turkey?

I'm helpless, you know.

You gonna kill a helpless man?

Ah, fuck it. I should have known I'd die in the heart of the witch's hole.

Ah, now you're talking.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks, Good Samaritan. Lacey, is that you?

Because if it is, this is a fine thing you're doing.

Thanks, Good Samaritan.

I repent.

Never to plunder village again.

Well, I don't think we'll ever see Big Jack again.

He stole so much of our gold we could nail him to the cross if he ever showed

up. If he thought that there was a buck in it, he might show.

All right, we've got three packs, two guns, one rope. How are the tools coming

along? Great.

Hey, what's happening, gang?

Hi. Well, well, look what showed up. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, this is, uh, Bridget. Yeah. Hi.

Hello.

Yeah, I met her down on the beach just north of Breakers. She's shooting a

film. Oh, cool.

Yeah. Glad you could make it.

Hey. Oh, we've been working.

When I work, I work hard.

Oh, I gotta go practice.

You wanna come, Serge?

Yeah, let's go watch the movie. Oh, no, no. Serge needs to stay here. He has too

much work to do.

I'll call you. I'll call you. Okay.

It's a good thing I like you.

Bye-bye.

Lacey, did you wanna go? Yeah.

Go right ahead.

All right. Yeah, go. Go have fun.

Tough luck, Serge.

I got a call in for another job.

Think we'll need to kill anybody?

Well, if the client wants us.

You got to figure in risk.

All right, everybody.

Next shot. Ready on the set.

the hell is a talent?

May I please have some talent on the set?

Let's get this show on the road.

Time is money.

Hi, lady.

You looking for somebody?

Jack. Jack Frog.

John.

My friends call me Big John here in Waikiki.

Of course.

I'm just your everyday, run-of-the-mill, big-time movie producer, taking

advantage of the tropical sun.

I knew you'd made it all along.

Yeah, I tell you what, it has been an experience.

If you ever need a part in a movie, give old Big John a call.

I've been on a roll.

Hell, I made more money doing these movies than I ever made policing dumb

old tourists.

How far did you have to swim that night?

Well, that's the topic of this here motion picture.

I'm in the process of making a filmatic dramatization of past events.

Okay, so who's being me?

That's me.

Well, let's just call it a little poetic license.

It's a story that's important.

David's gonna die.

We got married, you know.

Dave don't need to know.

Dave don't need to know.

I'll make you a little deal.

You keep my little secret, and I'll never breathe a word to a soul about

Booty's money pit.

We got a deal?

We got a deal.