Original subtitles

[? upbeat theme music playing]

- [glass shatters] - [? theme concludes]

[? soft, melancholy music playing]

[Fry sighs]

What's wrong, Fry?

I was just thinking about something that happened when I was a kid,

back in the 20th century.

Aw, tell us about it. You'll feel better.

- Really? - No.

I just wanna hear the story.

Okay.

See, me and my brother, Yancy,

were going into Manhattan by ourselves for the very first time.

[? transition music playing]

Remember, get off the subway at 72nd.

The museum's right there.

We know, Mom, you told us, like, five times.

Yeah, but you're pretty dense.

Wow, my first trip into the city without grownups.

I'm a grownup!

- Are not! - Am too!

Are not! But keep an eye on Philip.

You know how he's always falling into things.

And be home by dark.

Oh, I will.

I'm invited to Julie's birthday party later.

It's a nighttime party.

[Young Fry gasps]

[subway rattling]

I can't believe Mom let us go to a museum by ourselves!

Surprise!

No, 'bout what I expected.

Don't be a dweeb, Phil.

We're not going to a dumb museum.

We're gonna sneak into a movie.

A PG-13 movie.

- [? dramatic sting] - [gasps]

Hey, scuzzball,

that's my muggin' victim you're flashin'.

- [grunts] - [punch thuds]

- PG-13? But what if it's... - [fighting sounds, crashing]

[whispering] ...inappropriate?

[flasher] Mother of-

- [subway chiming] - [brakes grinding]

[? bright music playing]

- [sirens wailing in movie] - [loud chewing]

[? eerie movie music playing]

Is it safe to go into this arcade, Steve?

I heard it's a hotbed of loitering.

Don't be scared, babe. It'll be cool.

[Cheryl giggles]

Oh, they're holding hands!

I told you this was gonna be rad!

- [? electronic arcade music playing] - [video game voice] Deathbot 3000.

You're doing great, Cheryl.

Not as good as me, but pretty good.

Now when Deathmotroid appears,

we hit the megablast button together.

Like it said on the startup screen.

You read the startup screen?

Oh, Steve.

- [game lasers zapping] - There he is! Prepare to mega-blast!

[? intense music playing]

- [roof crashing] - [Steve and Cheryl yelping]

Why you shoot innocent killbots?

- [Cheryl screaming] - [laser blasting]

[Real Deathmotroid] Kill all humans! Kill all humans!

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

[chomping]

Hey, gimme some!

- Give it- Mine. Mm-mm. - Mm!

Shh!

[Fry] The movie got super tense.

Deathmotroid chased them all the way to the North Pole.

- [explosions boom] - [Steve and Cheryl screaming]

The North Pole.

This is where we make our last stand.

That makes sense.

- Why? - It's top secret.

But with your permission, Mr. President?

Ayyyy.

A few days ago, at the exact location of the North Pole,

we discovered something highly unusual.

[? mysterious music playing]

It's one of the largest buttons ever found.

The truth is,

the entire Earth is one giant video game.

- [Cheryl gasps] - Whoa.

As humanity's best players,

you two are our last hope to defeat Deathmotroid.

Cheryl's not really as good as me.

- Should we press it? - Press what?

Oh, the button.

Not even our top science teachers can answer that.

It might destroy Deathmotroid

or it might destroy... the world.

- [explosion booms] - [all yelp]

- [lasers blasting] - We have no other choice! Come on, babe!

- [? emotional music playing] - [sighs] Before we die or something,

I just wanna say I, um,

like you.

I like you, too.

You wanna kiss when we're around 16?

- I don't know, maybe. - [explosion booms]

- [? tense music playing] - [lasers firing]

[Steve and Cheryl scream]

Pushing button in three... two...

As the robots closed in,

explosions exploding on all sides,

the heroes reached for the giant button...

Uh-huh! And then what?!

I don't know. I never found out!

- [crew] No! - Why not?!

Because something insane happened in the theater.

They were just about to push the button, when suddenly-

I find it remarkable how humans have such an intense need

to hear how stories end.

Shut up!

And go on.

And I have a detailed hypothesis as to why.

Really? I love hypotheses!

It's a simple matter of evolutionary adaptation.

You see, once language evolved,

our ancestors could recount stories of their experiences.

[grunting] Mm, fire, fire good.

[Cave-Professor] Good news, proto-humans!

Me invent concept of news.

And it good!

Him smart 'cause him oldest man ever.

Eat paleo diet.

Live to 18.

Me and others out hunting,

when suddenly, we spot delicious protein-rich mammoth!

Using my new invention, big pointy stick,

we charged fearsome beast.

[group yelling]

Him run into water.

Then, him stop inexplicably.

[mammoth trumpeting]

We sense next move

make difference between life and death!

Uh-huh, yeah. Me stop listening now.

Go eat grubs.

Bite my crudely chiseled ass!

[Cave-Bender laughing]

You see, people hadn't yet evolved the need

to hear the end of stories.

But a few, by pure chance,

happened to have that trait.

Well, what happened? Me have trait want know.

Something utterly strange!

Mammoth not even try run away,

even as we hunters raise kill sticks!

And all at once, me realize why.

Me shout warning, but-

Boring.

Clam it, Zoidberg!

Yeah! We wanna hear the end of the story about the story!

Well, actually, I'm more interested

in why Zoidberg doesn't want to hear it.

Why should I care how it ends?

It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.

Shnuh-uh, it's a story!

Didn't your parents read you bedtime stories?

Of course not!

On my planet, we don't have stories.

Or beds. Or parents!

My people die when they mate.

Of course!

Zoidberg's ancestors didn't get any survival benefit

from hearing how stories end,

so they didn't evolve the urge to hear them!

Exactly.

I deal with stuff as it arises,

not cut corners by listening and learning.

Bah! So lazy.

[sniffles, wails]

- [? somber music playing] - Poor Zoidberg.

If only he could enjoy stories like his stupid coworkers.

Anyway, when we last left the mammoth,

time was running out.

Suddenly- Wait, where did Bender go?

- [? tense music playing] - [whimpering]

And that, Bender, is why we're tying you to this railroad track.

Uh, sorry, I missed most of that explanation

while you were beatin' my face in.

Can you repeat it?

The gist of it was that you've crossed the Robot Mafia

for the last time.

I believe this was the twelfth.

Nope! Thirteenth!

He took my wallet while I was clampin' him!

- [metallic clamping] - [train whistles]

What's that?

- [train rumbling] - Ah, here comes

the 3:15 Pennyflattener now.

Goodbye, Bender.

No! You can't just leave me here to die!

- Good point. We'll stay and watch. - [train steam hissing]

- [? tense music playing] - [train whistle blaring]

[teeth chattering]

- [train whistle blaring] - [Bender shrieking]

- [? tense movie music playing] - [lasers blasting]

[explosions booming, gunshots firing]

[whimpering] I'm scared!

I need popcorn!

- Get your own! - I did! You took it.

[both grunting]

- [popcorn clattering] - That's it. Stop the movie!

[? suspenseful music playing]

- [? music stops abruptly] - [film reel whirring]

Hands up, you snack-tossing dirtbags.

- [both whimpering] - [Young Yancy gulps]

Drop the popcorn. Drop the popcorn!

You gangbangers picked the wrong theater to throw food in.

Officers?

[? dramatic music plays]

Today's the annual NYPD movie outing.

Wait a minute, this is a PG-13 movie.

You punks don't look 13.

Where's your IDs?

We don't have any. Because we're, uh...

[in fake accent] ...foreigners.

Yeah, right. [spits]

Decent, Motion-Picture- Rating-System-respecting people

shouldn't have to put up with scum like you.

Cuff 'em, Shaughnessy!

[Young Fry groaning]

Can't we please see the end of the movie first?

Uh, yeah, Detective, I'd kinda like to see it, too.

We all would, Shaughnessy.

But I'm shutting down this theater for serving underage customers.

Toss these preteen lowlifes in the squad car.

Are we going to... prison?

Prison's too good for you.

You're going home to your parents.

[? dramatic sting]

[Young Yancy retching]

And that's why I never saw how the movie ended.

Wait, you mean you still don't know what happened

when those kids pressed the button?

- Nope. - But I need to know!

- Quit holding out on us! - [Fry groaning]

I'm not! I never got to see it again.

The movie was a huge flop.

It wasn't even released on videotape.

Or DVD!

- [eyePhone whooshing] - Or brain-worm!

[sighs] It's gone forever.

No, wait!

There was a refrigerated film archive

at the cryogenics lab where I used to work.

They might have the original movie!

I know that lab!

I used to live there.

[? bright music playing]

Story day.

[hovercar screeching]

Zoidberg! I'm so glad I ran into you.

A sentence no one's ever said before.

Listen, I've got a hair appointment,

but the babysitter canceled because of that meteor heading for-

Uh-huh, right. I'll watch Mandy

and take her home after the Story Time.

Hi, Mr. Zoidberg!

Please, call me John.

- Thanks, John. - Who said you could call me John?

[? bright music playing]

I'm a little nervous 'cause this is my first Story Time.

I'm trying to care how stories end.

Well, you're in the right place.

This Story Lady's a master of suspense!

- [chair creaking] - Good morning, children.

[group] Good morning, Mrs. Mellinger!

Not feeling the suspense.

Today's story is The Regular-Sized Engine That Might.

Once upon a time,

- a freight train chugged along its track. - [train chugging]

Piled high with bicycles and bacon

for the good little girls and boys on the other side of the mountain.

Would it make it?

Ooh, the engine struggled,

but not very hard,

because it didn't enjoy its job.

I don't care if I can, I don't care if I can,

I don't care if I can.

Now this is a character I can relate to!

And then, juuust as the locomotive was alll-most

to the tippy-tippy-top-

- [door bangs] - Freeze, Mrs. Mellinger!

[children gasp]

Unexpected.

- [handcuffs zapping] - That book you're reading is banned.

Too thrilling for kids.

Plus, there's quite a bit of devil worship towards the end.

[flames whooshing]

Aw, yeah.

[children groan sadly]

I enjoyed that.

Except for the part about the train.

Come on, I'll walk you home.

Aww, but it was so exciting!

Hey, can we ride a train like in the book?

I think we can, I think we can, I think we can.

[imitates train whistle] Woo, woo!

- [? dramatic music playing] - [train chugging]

[Bender yelling]

[train whistle blaring]

Ha-ha, missed me!

Worst mob hit ever.

I forgot the first rule of running people over with a train:

always check the switch position.

[rails clanking]

It's okay, boss,

'nother one should be comin' by in about three, four minutes.

Then, no more ever.

It's the last day of railroad service.

Huh, no kiddin'.

[? bright music playing]

Ah, there's a train!

Now, we just need tickets,

and money to buy tickets.

Who needs tickets?

[both yelp]

[both grunt]

Ow! I think I broke my tummy!

I'm a doctor!

The technical term is "tum-tum."

- [? gentle music playing] - [ship whirring]

Husband, look.

It's two new varieties of Manwich.

So, which one you want?

"Thick and Chunky," or "Loose and Watery"?

[? suspenseful music playing]

[Futurama Announcer] Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion of

"Hermes' Choice."

[? mysterious music playing]

[lock rattling]

[switch clicks]

Whoa, that's the tube I was frozen in.

I don't think it is.

Hang on, I think I left a Charleston Chew in there.

They're better frozen.

Not great, but better.

Just get it on the way out.

We need to find that movie!

- [wheel rattling] - Son of a- [grunts]

[wind gusting]

[? mysterious music playing]

I'm sure I can make it. I'm sure I can make it.

I was designed specifically to make it.

[Zoidberg] We'll never make it! Save me, Mandy!

[chickens clucking]

[Zoidberg and Mandy yelp]

Gus, old bean, we have company.

A little girl and her lobster.

Toss it in the pot with the infected poultry,

and I'll what stew it up!

[Mandy groaning]

My tummy hurts real bad!

Infected poultry, you say?

Mandy, maybe you're just hungry.

No, I think it's my 'pendix!

Hm, I don't know what that is,

so I'll play it safe by performing immediate surgery.

Dandy Jim, sterilize your knife and fork in that stew.

Gus, I need sterile bandages. Rip up your pants!

But these is heirlooms from the Golden Age of Bums.

They was which what worn by history's greatest hobos,

Oklahoma Sweaty, Fast-Poopin' Pete,

the Baltimore Urinator-

Those days are gone and they're not coming back.

Tear up the pants!

[? bright music playing]

Hi, Fabian!

Hang on, let me just put my eyePhone away.

- [grunting] - [eye squelching]

What style today? I know all 16.

Uh, I don't know, surprise me!

Ho, ho! I have been waiting all my life to hear those words.

[tools whirring]

[tools snipping]

[eyePhone buzzing]

Mommy, I'm having surgery!

I need my stuffed animals!

Ahh.

Knife!

Fork!

Stew!

[slurping loudly]

I knew I could make it. I knew I could make it.

Oh, no, I can't stop! Oh, no, I can't stop!

[screaming, whistle blaring]

This is a very delicate procedure.

I need absolute- [yells]

- [Zoidberg thuds] - Runaway train!

[train whistle blaring]

I'm not just a trained surgeon.

I'm also a train surgeon!

[snips]

Woop, woop, woop, woop, woop...

[slowing tempo] ...woop, woop, woop, woop.

- [? dramatic music playing] - [wind howling]

Up ahead! The 1980s movies!

Aliens, E.T., Back to the Future...

Wow, lotta documentaries back then.

Got it! Deathbot 3000!

- [wind gusting] - Son of a-

Now for that frozen candy!

Can't watch a movie without gross, unhealthy food.

[steam hissing]

[? dramatic sting]

Hey, Red.

What are you lookin' at, Purple?!

[stammering] R-Roberto? What are you doing in there?

Fourteen to 10,000 years, for stabbing on a Sunday!

- [Fry whimpers] - What's that?

Killer robot movie?

I love slice-of-life comedies.

- Give it here! - Not a chance!

We're gonna see the end of this movie

or die trying!

It's not Sunday, is it?

No, Monday.

- Oh, good. - [knives scraping]

Ha-haw!

- [Roberto yelling] - [Leela grunting]

Ha-haw!

- [knife clangs] - Ha-haw!

- Got it! - Oh, no, you don't!

- Gimme that! - [Roberto screaming]

- Whoa! - Whoa!

- [glass shatters] - [both screaming]

Son of a-

[? bright music playing]

[people chattering]

[glass tapping]

As my brother's Best Man,

it's my honor to toast the newlyweds.

Today, I hardly recognize Yancy

as the rascal who once snuck us into a PG-13 movie.

Philip, if you tell them about me vomiting, I swear-

I'll, uh, skip the part where Yancy vomited...

[crowd laughing]

...and go straight to when Mom and Dad

were about to punish him.

That's my favorite part.

- [? transition music plays] - [siren whoops]

Yancy Pignatano Fry!

How could you be so irresponsible?

You're grounded for the rest of the regular season!

But, but Julie Pierceman invited me

to her birthday party tonight!

I don't care if Mookie Wilson invited you to his birthday party.

You're grounded!

[? somber music playing]

Mom, wait.

It was my idea to sneak into the movie.

What?! Yancy, is this true?

Uh, it has elements of truth.

It's my fault. Ground me, and let Yancy go to the party.

[sighs] Okay. Yancy, you can go to Julie's party.

And Philip, since you're so young,

I'm gonna punish you extra hard while you're still impressionable.

[? somber music playing]

[whispering] Thank you.

It was at that party that Yancy and Julie

first sorta liked each other.

So, that was my small part in all this.

It was the least I could do for my big brother,

who took me on my first crazy, fun, idiotic adventure.

I loved every minute of it

'cause it was with him.

[? touching music playing]

I love you too, brother.

Hey, and you know what?

We never did get to see the end of that movie!

[crowd laughing]

What do you think happened when they pressed that button?

I don't know.

I need to know!

[? tense music playing]

[hovercar screeching]

Zoidberg! Is Mandy alright?!

Was the surgery a success?!

Don't know, don't care.

But I did the best I could in the moment.

That's how I roll.

Stew?

Oop, no, that's the appendix.

- Mandy! - [Kif grunting]

[Zoidberg] More for me.

[train whistle blaring]

- [? dramatic music playing] - [Bender whimpering, shrieking]

[switch clanking]

Joey, what are you, deprecated?

Put that back the way it was!

Sure, boss. This way?

No, wait, this way?

Eh, forget about it.

Just leave it random and close your eyes.

The laws of physics say the train'll go both ways,

one of which is sure to run Bender over.

- It's Schr�dinger's Clamp! - [clamp snapping]

[? dramatic music playing]

[Bender whimpering]

[metal crunching]

[Bender yelling]

- [train whistle blaring] - [sign crashing]

What happened hunters? Me need know!

Mighty mammoth stand still as statue,

even when jab with stab-longers.

Suddenly, we realize why beast not moving.

Because him trapped!

So-called pond was actually tar pit!

For first time, man outsmart mammoth.

- [mammoth trumpets] - [hunters cheering]

Sadly, tar outsmart man.

You see, hunters also trapped in inescapable goo!

[hunters grunting]

What happen hunters? Them get free?

Oh my, no.

Them still stuck in tar.

Along with stupid tribesmen not wait end of story.

[groaning]

Aw, man!

And, me just realize,

me.

End of story, big payoff.

Me learn always look tar when hunt mammoth.

Better go find new tribe now.

Maybe reproduce.

[clicking tongue]

[Professor Farnsworth] And thus, those born with the desire

to hear the end of stories

gained a survival advantage, had more offspring,

and passed that desire along to their descendants!

End of story.

- [? tense music playing] - Mandy?

It's Mama and Dumdum!

And hobos!

- [? touching music playing] - [Amy and Kif kiss smacking]

My pants was a small price to pay.

[? suspenseful music playing]

I think I'd like...

"Thick and Chunky."

I know I like thick and chunky.

[smooches]

[Futurama Announcer] And so, Hermes had "Thick and Chunky."

And sex.

- [? dramatic music playing] - [Fry and Leela screaming]

- [grunting] - [metallic clanging]

Yup, hole's still theres.

- [screaming continues] - [film unspooling]

Hey! It's Old New York!

History's pointiest city! Climb for your life!

[both grunting]

[train whistle blaring]

[? inspirational music playing]

[gasps] It's a projector train.

We're finally gonna get to see the end of the movie!

As long as we keep climbing at 24 frames per second.

They're pushing the button!

What's it gonna do?

[button clicks]

[time slows down]

[silence]

What happened?

I, I think the button stopped time.

- [laser beam snaps] - Then what happens next?

I don't think there is a "next."

I think you and I just live out the rest of our lives

together.

Cool.

[? "Celluloid Heroes" by The Kinks playing]

? La la la la ?

? La la la la la la la la la la ?

[Leela crying]

What a beautiful ending.

Too bad we can't stop time.

Yeah.

But Leela, if my story ends here,

I want you to know it was a good life,

and I'm glad I had it.

Me, too.

? Oh, celluloid heroes never really die ?

[both screaming]

Oh.

- [train whistle blaring] - [both yelp]

[Bender and locomotive smooching]

Aw yeah, baby, give me some of that!

I love you, Bender. I love you, Bender.

I love you, Bender.

Shut up, locomotive, I know it.

All aboard!

[train whistles]

Ahh. I do love a happy ending.

- [film reel thuds] - [grunts] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- [Bender yelling] - [metal clanging and crushing]

[train brakes grinding]

Oh, my God!

He's dead!

[? dramatic sting]

?

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