Original subtitles

We all knew the risks when we signed up for this job.

Every call is a dance on the knife's edge.

So why do we do this?

We do it for love, for faith, and also for

money.

Let's roll.

We're here, waiting on your signal.

This place stinks of crime.

Let's crack a window. That's a great line. Yeah, I heard him rehearse it in

the trap.

Nobody move!

You're all... absolutely adorable.

Come here, guys.

Let's get you out of this puppy mill.

Watch your paws. I got a lot of glass in my beard.

Gabby, Joey, Cornell, and... I will name you all later. Backs against the wall

now. Nobody move.

A pig in a puppy mill? What kind of sick genetic hybrids are you trying to

create? It's not like that. The pig keeps the puppies calm.

You wanted to play God?

Well, now you're gonna pay!

A $63 citation for operating an unlicensed breeding facility.

And there's something else you should know.

There's a $5 convenience fee for paying with credit card.

Who are you guys?

We are... Frank and Shred.

Sorry, give me another chance, I'll nail it.

Ugh, what saint did I punch in the face in a previous life to deserve Templeton

as a boss?

This is the worst. What kind of a monster makes you clean grooming drains

on the weekend?

There was so much here. It was like when I shared a shower in a hostel in Eastern

Europe. Why is your handbag screaming?

I picked up this little guy at the puppy mill, right? I think it's imprinted on

me, and, like, it's cute, but also really annoying. Oh, hey, here's the

beautiful couple whose illicit romance got us into this hell. You know, I don't

technically work here right now. I'm just dropping Shred off, and I also made

you guys some skulls.

I know you guys love that. Save it for later.

Today's flavor, triple cranberries, after my boyfriend's favorite band.

Yes, and take it from me, this flavor will also linger. This is just the kind

of creativity I can access now that I have so much free time.

As much as I love your journey of self-discovery, when are you coming

back? My lady's suspension hearing is in four weeks.

What? Oh, that's way too long. Now, I need Templeton to quit. Maybe we set up

a honeypot trap.

Victoria, you get all tarted up, we catch him in an HR violation.

Think we just call you an HR violation?

Fine. I'll go it alone. Old school.

I'll undermine his authority at every turn until he goes insane.

And I quit.

That's kind of what you always do with a boss.

No. This is Frank Plus, ad free. No, Frank, you need to get along with

Templeton and play ball until I can come back and run the precinct again.

Hopefully. I make no promises.

Or this is the time upon us when all good men must look inside.

Just getting started.

Morning, me.

Men, watch your back. Sexual predator on the premises.

Can you not call me that, please? Because I'm just in a consensual, albeit

currently litigated, romantic relationship.

Okay, everyone inside, unless you've been suspended.

That's me.

Okay, I'm going.

Bye. You don't have to play me off. This is not the Tony Awards.

It's sad clown music, because you're a sad clown.

I'm not a sad clown, Templeton. I'm just a woman.

First time I felt bad for a trash can. I can't even get the pig to eat it.

I'm sorry, baby.

Hey, did you try one of Emily's scones?

You know I only eat these when Emily is looking at me.

You'll be fine here. Okay.

Happy Monday morning, everyone.

I hope you had an enjoyable weekend.

We were here snaking the drains.

Outstanding. You also may be wondering why I have such a big smile on my face.

No, but I am wondering if they took your braces off too early. Cool your beans,

Frank. Cool your beans. It's because my new seagrass rug has been delivered. So

if there's any one-on-ones in my office, I will be insisting you remove your

shoes, especially you, Victoria.

I'd rather chop my feet off.

I'm sorry I didn't hear that. Nothing.

Shoes off. Got it.

But it's not just about me and my awesome new boss stuff.

It's also about you, too. That's why I'm instituting an update to the uniform.

A new utility belt.

Daisy here is going to give you a little spiel. Mm-hmm. It looks a little heavy.

It really isn't.

This belt has everything.

binoculars, medical gloves, oh, a tiny screwdriver, and a roadkill spatula, but

most importantly, it has the revised edition of the employee handbook. A new

forward by yours truly, just basically my origin story.

Hey, uh, can I see that? Yeah, of course. Inspirational quotes, salty

anecdotes. If you're a delicate reader, you might want to skip the Montreal

section.

Wow.

That's insubordination.

So now you will all have to skip lunch and express the anal glands of the sheep

we picked up at the petting zoo.

What? You can thank your buddy Frank for that.

Oh, Frank.

Shaw, in my office. Yeah, I got some stuff to say to you, too.

Your boots, your boots.

Wait, are you serious?

That's a heart attack.

Boots coming off.

Out of respect for the craftsmanship of the rug, not your leadership.

Let's do this. Oh, sorry. We'll have to do this later. Some boss stuff came up.

I just took my boots off. You did.

Okay. Hey.

Bye-bye.

Okay.

Do you want this door open or closed?

Open's fine.

Okay.

Oh, I'm so sorry. That's terrible.

Dude, no, I wish...

We had a choice, but we don't.

And I love you too, baby.

I just got the most amazing news. My mother-in-law's sick. She was right. You

marrying Maya will be the death of her.

No, she's going to pull through. She's got to have surgery. So Maya's going to

take the kids to India and help her recover. No kids?

Wow, whatever will you complain about?

I have no idea. I'm sure you'll find something.

Frank's calling a meeting on the speaker channel.

The goat's in the meadow.

The cow is in the corn.

Line's a queue up, proceed.

Oh, I'll proceed.

Frank couldn't be chilled and I missed my lunch. That I will not abide.

This is all part of Templeton's plan. He wants us to turn on each other. Oh no!

We're not. We're turning on you. Emily was very clear. She said to keep our

heads down until her suspension is over. Well, Emily's not here. She's at the

quarry sourcing new ingredients for her scones. I'm just going to say, I think

you're taking this a little too personally. This is not about me. None

of us should feel good about where our hands were at lunch. He's right.

Everything with Templeton is getting out of hand. He started timing our bathroom

breaks. No, he's not timing our bathroom breaks. What?

Is that just me? He's an intolerable perv who has to go, but I can't make him

quit on my own. We've got to present a united front of insubordination.

For this is the time upon us when all good men must reach down deep... Oh,

shut up!

Fine, I'll do it.

I got a bad feeling on my stomach about this, but that might be the scones.

I'm in. Sorry, Templeton's... He's really not timing anybody else in the

bathroom, just me.

Nope.

I'm in.

I figured out what I want to do first with my two months of freedom.

I'll tell you what it is. In a one, a two, a one, two, three. It's drums?

It's drums.

I've always wanted to hit the hi-hat, but my parents wouldn't let me. Then my

babies didn't let me.

See, my family, they've always been my greatest obstacle to joy.

Until now.

Wow.

Purchased.

Quiet, he's coming.

How are those glands? Are the sheep all smiling?

We're good to go, boss. That's the spirit.

Keep it up, and I might reward you with some high tea in the boss's office. Oh,

I'd like that.

Okay.

Ah!

My seagrass.

What happened? Did the sheep not take their shoes off? Of course it's you.

Having fun with the new boss, Raz and El Jefe?

Is that the best you got?

Oh, you'd better find the cool side of the pillow, because your nightmare has

just begun.

I'm not going to rest until you quit.

I guess you're going to learn the hard way you don't come between a man and his

rug. I have watched and heard you eat spaghetti. There's nothing you can do to

hurt me.

Are you sure about that?

Because your dream call just came in. The Seattle Seahawks mascot has escaped

to Pocket Beach.

Tema is missing. It's real.

Adam Shifter reporting.

It's gonna call you away your whole career for. Chance to buddy up with

Seahawks players, season's tickets.

Maybe become the practice squad long snapper and get subbed in last second in

the Super Bowl.

Ah, too bad I already gave the call to Daisy.

Eh, she'll appreciate the perks.

Listen, we both got heated here.

Too late.

He lost the call.

You know what?

You're right.

I'll help you clean the rug.

Okay. Thank you.

Look, where are you going? Boy, action pass. I don't recognize your authority.

Get back here. That's indirect order.

Stand down, Daisy. This bird is mine.

Templeton said I was getting the bird. I don't care what that bag of yogurt has

to say. And you shouldn't either.

Your friendship is unnatural.

Nuh-uh. You are not wearing your regulation uniform utility belt. Don't

need it.

Don't need a damn thing.

Actually, I need my net.

And sunglasses, too. Maybe some water.

You know, and some gum.

What the hell?

Where's the latch?

It's hidden for your safety. Should have paid attention during our belt tutorial.

It's so tight.

It should be.

Sam.

At least with Frank and Templeton at war, we finally get lunch.

Oh, God. Is that Emily?

Don't lie. She's bringing in a midday scone basket.

No. Let me tell you something. You need to make her stop. I don't know what that

is, but it's not food.

Can one of you guys convince Emily that I have an eating disorder?

I'm back.

Someone got inspired.

Okay, guys, she's really into the baking thing, and she needs this right now. And

who knows?

Maybe this batch could be delicious.

Stop lying to yourself.

It's a new relationship, Victoria. I just started lying to myself.

Hello. Hey. Hey.

It's scone time again. Oh.

It's going time. I'm calling this one The Shred because you love olive bread

and you love blueberries.

What did you do? Just try one.

Uh, maybe later.

No, now. I want to see your face.

Okay.

Here's the thing.

What?

I'm just really excited to try one of these right now.

That's so sweet. You really are. You're like shaking.

Frank's mutiny needs to be punished. Get me a lift of all the dogs with rotten

mouth. All right.

Okay. Okay. Um, that was a close call. Um, I, I better go. Thank God. Really?

You sure? Patel, will you take a video of him eating it though? I just really

want to know what you think.

I'm not going to let Templeton stupid belt slow me down.

Dropping ballast like the brave men of Apollo 13.

You kick his hand on me.

It is an honor to capture a Super Bowl champion.

Please tell me that's me from the future.

Sir, sir, Frank.

Life's a beach.

My, how the tides have turned.

Oh, just pick one.

Sir, sir.

Hurry up. I'm not maternal. I'm not going to hold your hand.

Oh, my God. Is that a dog grooming bandana? Because you don't even have

drums yet.

Just for the hobby you want.

Stop. I feel sorry for you. Hey, sorry.

Could you help me out here? I heard there's a big puppy adoption going on.

Sorry, we're fresh out, so... However, if you would like something equally as

adorable and currently just as small right now, I do have this guy.

Oh.

Are these easy pets? Yes, very easy. They sleep all day and eat your garbage.

You know what? I'm going to let you hold him because look at you guys.

That's a good sound. He's super excited. I'm going to go get that adoption

paperwork for you to fill out, yeah?

Hey,

Roman. Hand over the bird. I'm on official animal control business.

That's funny. That's why I'm here, too. I don't know if you saw my Insta, but

I'm starting my own private animal control company.

Look, if you want to become me, I recommend starting with a trip overseas

for leg lengthening surgery. Not everything's about you, Frank. There's a

lot of untapped money in your industry. Okay, just give me the bird. You can't

just start your own animal control company.

You need state-of-the-art drones, driverless trucks.

Ta-da!

Six umbrella headwear.

My startup is going to be sleek, tech-driven, and innovation-forward.

Look, I can save you a bunch of time and just set your money on fire.

Pax Romana. So, you besmirched the Latin language and the memory of Emperor

Augustus. Your world's about to get very dark.

Just like yours, every time you put on an adult-size hat. Car.

Please take me to where the Seahawks do their rehearsals.

Jealous. Veni, vidi, vici.

Drone. Follow and record.

Hey, was this plastic rake on your belt, or did I just steal from a kid?

You! Oh, don't you you me, you pudgy little finger.

I just lost the most important bird of my life. Daisy said you let a private

animal control company best you. It's not a real company. It was just Roman.

And I would have copped Tama if you hadn't made me wear a Home Depot around

my waist. Come on, Romans had a jump on you ever since your sheep insurrection

plan fizzled. History will be kind. It was symbolic.

It got its message across.

Which was?

Your rules, like you buying birth control, are sad and pointless.

You know, your rank and subordination is the rod at the heart of this precinct.

Somebody needs to do something about you. I'd like to see somebody try.

Well, somebody's about to.

I challenge you to a fight in the kennel, doggy style.

And if you win... I will. I'll step down as your supervisor. But if I win... Ha!

You'll accept your role as my loyal underling, my forever lackey, my

biznotch. You're on.

I can't wait to tell your parents that their son's last word was biznotch.

You know, I hate to say it, but this is what happens when men are in charge.

New ground rules, taint's off limits unless it's a finishing move.

No, thanks. Oh Good you found a way to make this even weirder oil wrestling is

not weird. It's the national sport of Turkey Okay

Try to get a grip.

Didn't expect all the sounds.

Don't go into his guard, Frank.

Where are we? Flip him over.

A hundred bucks, the dumb one loses.

Either way, I win.

Oh, this?

Just some thank you swag from the boys in blue and green.

That should be my swag.

That should be my swag.

Thank you, man. Stop beating you.

You idiots will be easier than I thought. We get it. You caught the bird.

Now you gloat, okay?

Time out.

Time out.

That's not all I caught, for I snagged my very own city contract.

What? With the stroke of my commemorative Sam Darnold pen, I now

officially take over your friends.

at Precinct 17.

We're in the middle of a very important oil wrestling match, and there's no way

the city is going to allow you to take over the whole east side. It's just a

pilot program, but who knows? Pretty soon, my company could take over all of

Seattle Animal Control.

I've had enough of you, Roman. Take your shirt off. It's go time.

No can do. I'm alerted to most oils. And look at you. Just a bunch of

Neanderthals. But I'm taking Seattle into the future, starting...

With my next post on Insta.

Drown!

Oh, my gosh. No photos. Daisy, get the catch pole. Get it.

Roman just keeps coming back.

I'm glad I'm shirtless for this moment.

It's too ominous for clothing.

Thank you for picking me up, babe. You're welcome, baby.

Hey, I was just going through the trash outside the precinct, and look what I

found.

Told the janitor to empty the garbage off-site. Yeah, I mean what's going on

do you like hate my scones or something? Yes.

Yes Everybody and I've seen Patel eat melted ice cream cake off of a picnic

table. What do you mean everyone does?

That was like a rhetorical question Why didn't you tell me you were just so

excited about baking and I was happy you found something cuz you were like Really

down when you first got suspended.

Yeah, of course. I was down. I mean my job is like everything to me Other than

you

That felt like an add-on, but I know your career is very important.

Don't cry.

It's okay.

You can take a baking course. I'm not crying about the stupid scones. I just,

I feel, like, really lost right now.

I don't know. I thought I could distract myself with a hobby, but apparently I'm

just weaponized baking.

Hey, I hear that, but you're not lost right now. You're who you've always

been.

My lady.

Who I'm crazy about.

Okay? And you're gonna get your job back in, like, a month.

Yeah, but what if I don't?

You will.

Because you're the most incredible boss ever.

I don't know. You guys seem to be doing just fine without me. Are you serious?

Do you know that Templeton Oil wrestled Frank today?

Roman Parks started his own private animal control.

Betty Spaghetti, what?

We are falling apart without you.

Are you just saying that because I know you're a really good liar now? Maybe the

DMV didn't even blink when I said I was 5'11". 5'11", now, are we? Okay.

Okay.

When did you bite me? I don't remember.

Fog of war.

Look, Roman may look like a breakfast cereal mascot, but he's a real... In

order to save the precinct.

Joke back some bile.

I think we should set aside our professional, personal, and genetic

differences and work together.

I grudgingly agree, but you gotta give Daddy something first.

By hell again. No more mean-spirited pranks from you and your pack of yapping

jackals. No more dumb uniform accessories, forced workouts, or

unsolicited backropes. Fine.

We win this war, then we finish this fight.

Looks like we've entered into a coalition of unpleasant necessity.

That's a word, Berger.

Why don't we just call it a cunt? No. You know what? The coalition.

We'll call it the coalition.

Okay, what do you have?

Sorry, still very slick.

I'm gonna go get that dish soap they use on the oil-spilled ducks.

I don't know what's worse, the guy returning this super clingy pig or me

having to look at that every day.

Weird as eyes are following me wherever I go.

Hey, pretty great, huh? Next time you look at the god.

Know that I'll be there stealing your prayers.

Can't wait to see you covered in bird crap.

I got some squeegee boys coming in once a week. Car, peel out at speed limit.

Okay,

everybody grab a rock.

Yep, fresh out of the oven.

Three, two, one.